Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest VI: Back to Basics - Course One Underway

[banjo1985]

Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest VI: Back to Basics

Hello and welcome to the sixth Baron Fatbelly competition, where after a few failed stumbles into WW, we truly get Back to Basics!

A lot has happened since the very first Baron Fatbelly eating contest on the grounds of Bellicus Mansion, all those years ago. It was all fun and games until the Baron cooked himself for the first competitions final course, after which things went to hell in a hand basket, several times over. Baroness Fatbelly turned out to be a cruel and unusual hostess, not to mention a succubus, and then Hannibal and the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Doughnut went one better and initiated the dreaded Culinary Apocalypse. Even the bloody Marmite and Twinkies went missing.

But when a little known kobold and a diminutive cannibal emerged victorious against Hannibal and his elder god allies, fine cuisine returned to the world, and everything began anew. A hard reset, if you will.

The reset affected the world in esoteric and far reaching ways. Veterans of eating contests long gone and new blood alike got their first taste of this when a formal invitation, edged in gold leaf and silver filigree, spoilt only a little by the splotches of barbecue sauce, appeared in their pockets.

My dearest gourmand,

You are cordially invited to Bellicus Mansion for the improved and reformed Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest, hosted by the good Baron and his darling wife. Make sure to bring your very best cutlery, and the biggest lobster bib you can find! The immortality of the Baron Fatbelly Trophy awaits the winner, along with a super-secret special prize!

Yours faithfully, Baron Fatbelly

Could it really be true? Could the rotund old soul really be back in the land of the living to revive the infamous eating contests of old? And did he really have to bring that evil old witch of a wife back with him? And, most importantly of all, would the Baron still taste like meatloaf?

All of those questions, plus more than a little morbid curiosity, led a variety of competitors from across the land to the familiar bricked pathway, the green and verdant grounds, and the looming Edwardian magnificence of Bellicus Mansion. It’s hard to associate the current grandeur with how most had last seen the period property – a charred and smoking ruin wreathed in an unholy purple miasma. Still, it’s hard not to see it as an improvement.

The ornate oak double doors open inwards as you approach, not in silence or even a foreboding creak, but with a serious of grunts and annoyed ooks. Two monkey butlers on roller skates push innefectually at each door, the tassels of their fez’s poking them in the eye as they toil.

“Welcome to my humble home, my friends, and to the sixth Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest!”

Two impressive figures stand at the far end of an enormous mahogany banquet table, bringing to mind the exact opposite of Jack Spratt and his unfortunately proportioned partner. Baron Fatbelly is a huge bear of a man, seven feet tall with a stomach so massive it’s supported at the front by a pair of struts on little shopping trolley wheels. He beams as you enter and sit at one of the many high-backed chairs around the magnificent table. The Baroness stands to one side, arms folded over a severe grey skirt suit and wiry grey hair pulled back into a bun so tight you could bounce coins off of it. She glares at you like you’ve just dropped out of a dog’s bottom and she’s had the misfortune to tread in you.

The Baron holds his arms out in welcome, his belly jiggling with jollity and mirth.

“Please, be seated, pull up a pew, take a load off, and other things of that nature generally! I’m so pleased to see you all here in my ancestral home once again I could eat an elephant! Say, Snookums, we don’t have an elephant somewhere in the pantry do we?”

“Oh, I imagine there are whole herds of them hanging around behind one of the cupboards, you insufferable cretin.“

“Ah, delightful. Would you mind asking chef to get one roasted up for the first course?”

The Baroness rolls her eyes, and stalks off through a side door, muttering unmentionable things under her breath.

“Isn’t she a riot?!” laughs the Baron. “She’ll be the death of me yet!”

The Baron motions for the big double doors to remain open, just as the monkey butlers finally get them shut, much to their chagrin.

“There’s still time for more competitors to turn up, the more the merrier! Now, whilst the elephant’s being prepared, I may as well tell you a little more about the contest, eh? Well, there’ll be no Culinary Apocalypse or trouble from elder gods, I can tell you that. There may be the odd bit of cannibalism I fear, and not every course will be what it seems. The risks are big, and the competition will be fierce, but the prize is very much worth it, I assure you. You have until the doors close to back out, or to walk out normally, or on your hands, maybe even by unicycle if you like....”

The Baron’s eyes glaze over for a few moments, until another monkey butler helpfully kicks him in the shin.

“Ah where was I? Oh yes, I declare the sign-ups for this Baron Fatbelly Eating Contest…open!”


The Basics

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1 – All players begin the contest with 5 Munchies and 5 points to spend on special abilities from the list below.

2 - The contest may or may not last for 10 courses, you’ll just have to wait and see. The winner will be the competitor with the most Munchies at the end of the final course.

3 – Each course, either the Baron or Baroness Fatbelly will announce the food that is up for grabs. Each course will have either a positive or negative effect on the Munchie total of any competitor that chooses to eat it, based on a very complicated and esoteric system involving the correct alignment of the stars in the cosmos and the evocation of ancient demons from the depths of Baator. Or I’ll just make it up.

4 - Each course will last approximately 3 days, depending on competitors posting their actions and how much time I have. Beware; my free time is a fickle and uncertain beast, so get your actions in as soon as you can, rather than trying to lie low.

5 – When each course is announced competitors can react in several different ways. There will be actions that are unique to each course, but they will typically include variations on the following basic options:

- Eat the course
- Refuse the course
- Offer the course to another competitor

If another competitor offers you an extra portion of food, you can either accept or refuse it in thread. If you don’t post a response before the end of the course I will assume you refuse, which stops any cheeky competitors throwing offers about very late in the course where there is no time to respond.

All actions are posted in thread; they are not PM’d to me, except for certain special actions & abilities that are described below, or any silly shenanigans I decide to pull during the game.

6 – After each course the results and subsequent Munchie standings will be announced, followed by a new post with the next course on offer.

7 – When a competitor is reduced to zero Munchies they’re out of the game, at least from an eating standpoint. But if you are knocked out don’t despair! You may still be able to have an effect on the game. Wait for a PM from me is what I’m saying.

8 – Competitors who don’t post an action will lose 2 Munchies per missed round, but will not be knocked out until they hit negative Munchies or request to leave the game.

9 – I reserve the right to shake things up with any number of random events, earthquakes, bouts of barbershop quartet singing, or the appearance of Vikings. Rest assured, I will explain any special events that occur as and when they come up.

10 – There will be some form of trophy for the winner, even if I have to draw it myself. Which I probably will, and therefore it will probably suck.

Stealing

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Each Fatbelly competitor begins the contest with 2 steals as standard, plus any more that they purchase with ability points before the start of the contest. Steals can be used in addition to any other actions a competitor is taking, except for Secret Stash or Cannibalism. You use a steal to target another competitor to take their portion of the current course, essentially negating what they plan to do with it to eat it yourself. Competitors can only use one steal per round. Steal actions should be PM’d to me.

The victim will not know normally know who stole their food, but there are ways in which you can be found out, not least via targeting someone with the Jackie Chan ability.

In the event of a competitor’s food being stolen by two or more competitors, the one with the lowest current Munchie total will succeed, as they’re the most desperate. Other stealing competitors will be unsuccessful, but will retain their steal action for another use.

There may or may not be ways to recharge your number of steals for the game, so look out for any opportunities that may come about.

Poison

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Each Fatbelly competitor also begins the contest with 2 vials of poison, which can be used in one of two ways. You can try and poison someone else's food, which will result in -2 Munchies being taken off their end of round total. Or, you can poison your own food, then either offer it to someone else or hope it gets stolen, which will result in -4 Munchies being taken off the Munchie total of whoever ends up eating it. But beware; once you have poisoned your own food you can’t refuse it, so you’re relying on offering it to other competitors or having it stolen. Who said the life of a poisoner was an easy one?

Poison actions should be PM'd to me, and can be used once per round until you run out of poison.

In the event of some poor competitor’s food being poisoned more than once, the effects won’t stack.

Special Abilities

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All competitors start with 5 points worth of the following abilities, chosen before the contest begins by PM to me:

Extra Steals - 1 point each You gain an extra steal.

Extra Poisons - 1 point each You gain 1 extra poison.

Drive Thru - 1 point On the way to the contest you stopped off for a quick snack. You start the contest with 7 Munchies rather than 5.

Eagle Eyes - 2 points When a competitor steals from you, you know who did it! Also, you have a 50% chance of being warned that your food, or any food that is passed to you, is poisoned. (Automatic ability – no PM needed to use)

Secret Stash - 2 points You have a secret stash of Twinkies you can eat instead of a particular course , if you don’t like the look of it. You have 2 portions and they give you +2 Munchies when used.

Magic 8 Ball - 2 points each Once per two points spent, you can use your Magic 8 Ball to find out what affect the current course will have on your Munchies, allowing you to react accordingly.

Jackie Chan – 3 points If another competitor tries to cannibalize, steal from, or poison you, you beat the hell out of them in a particularly stylish fashion, negating the attempt and hurting the attacker for -2 Munchies. This ability works 100% of the time when preventing Cannibalism, and 50% when preventing steals and poisons. (Automatic ability, no PM needed)

Cannibalism – 4 points When another competitor is down to 2 Munchies or below, you can send a PM to me saying that you are going to feed on them while they’re weak for a +5 Munchie bonus! Unfortunately the target gets taken out of the game...but what do you care? It's also your action for the round, so you’ll automatically count as refusing the current course in favour of juicy, tender human flesh. You can only use this ability twice during the contest, and your heinous acts will be announced to all and sundry during the end of course narration. In this eating contest nice guys don’t finish last, they finish in somebodies stomach.

I think I’ve thought of most eventualities that these rules might bring up, but if you have any questions, or spot any glaring holes, then please let me know.

Signups will be capped at 25 competitors, though given the current player base I doubt that will be an issue. Once you’ve signed up, send your ability choices by PM as soon as you can, otherwise you’ll start the game with no abilities at all, because I’m mean like that.

Recruitment will run until at least 5th May, maybe longer if we’re really struggling for competitors or my free time decides to take a holiday.

15/17 Surviving Competitors

Competitor	Character	Abilities Rec'd	Munchies
Haruki-kun	Bulking Weight Lifter
Duck999	Stick Figure
The Phantom	Man of Mystery
Ramsus	The Baron's Shadow
Lex-kat	Petite Woman
Murska	Cloaked Man
Tom the Mime	One-Armed Dentist
Reinholdt	Mustachioed Plumber
Sprig	Harajuku Girl
Castaras	Perfectly Ordinary Potato
Bladescape	Caveman Trading Meat Game Player
Dallas-Dakota	Bacon Fetishist
Fleeing Coward	World's Second Fattest Man
Mauve Shirt	Mildly Peckish
Penguinator	Pink Power-Siphoning Blob
Helgraf	Slightly Threatening Cannibal
Silent_Interim	Unaccountably Peckish

[Haruki-kun]

In as a bulking weight lifter.

[Duck999]

In as a stick figure.

[ThePhantom]

In as a man of mystery.

[Ramsus]

In as the Baron's shadow.

Could I get some clarification on the Jackie Chan ability? Does it cost you 2 munchies or is that the damage it inflicts on your attacker?

With Eagle Eyes are you warned about poison before you choose to accept it or after and then you just don't eat the dish?

[Lex-Kat]

In as the petite woman who looks like she couldn't manage one cheeseburger, much less try to win a eating contest of any kind.

[Murska]

In as a cloaked, pale man hiding his face.

[Cuthalion]

In as a man in a gorilla suit.

[banjo1985]

"Come in, come in one and all!" says the Baron, "The more the merrier!"

Hurray for competitors!

Don't forget to send me your ability choices, I've had a few already.

Could I get some clarification on the Jackie Chan ability? Does it cost you 2 munchies or is that the damage it inflicts on your attacker?

With Eagle Eyes are you warned about poison before you choose to accept it or after and then you just don't eat the dish?

Jackie Chan inflicts damage to the attacker, costing them 2 Munchies, probably got kicked in the gut or something.

Competitors with Eagle Eyes will be advised when they are given poisoned food as soon as I spot it, assuming the ability works. However, I'm not here all the time, and I'm a million miles away from foolproof, so if I miss one, or food gets poisoned late in the phase and the Jackie Chan ability kicks, I'll just assume you turn down the food and will update you asap.

[Tom the Mime]

In as a one-armed dentist.

[Lex-Kat]

Jackie Chan inflicts damage to the attacker, costing them 2 Munchies, probably got kicked in the gut or something.

Competitors with Eagle Eyes will be advised when they are given poisoned food as soon as I spot it, assuming the ability works. However, I'm not here all the time, and I'm a million miles away from foolproof, so if I miss one, or food gets poisoned late in the phase and the Jackie Chan ability kicks, I'll just assume you turn down the food and will update you asap.

Oh, there are rules? I guess I should read them at some point.

[Reinholdt]

In as a man in a gorilla suit.

In as a mustachioed plumber with a hammer.

[Sprig]

In as a Harijuku girl

[Castaras]

In as a potato.

Yes, you heard me right, a perfectly ordinary potato.

[banjo1985]

I like where these characters are going. It's only thanks to Gwen Stefani that I know what a harijuku girl is.

We're now somewhere near minimum numbers to make the game viable, which in two days aint bad. Maybe we'll get somewhere near twenty after all. Those that haven't already have plenty of time to get their ability choices in - as even if we hit 25 early I have no chance of starting the game before the 5th.

Let's see if the pattern that's emerging in choices continues - I spy a balance issue on the horizon.

[Sprig]

*Harajuku Girl

[bladescape]

In as a potato.

Yes, you heard me right, a perfectly ordinary potato.

Cassie is a mod! : O Congrats!

--

I'm in as a Caveman with a penchant for rare meat. The more rarity it has the more he likes it. He's a Trading Meat Game player. TMG player.

[Dallas-Dakota]

In, with a bacon-fetish.

[Fleeing Coward]

If I sign up as Jackie Chan, do I get the ability for free?

In as the world's second fattest man.

[Lex-Kat]

The more rarity it has the more he likes it.

Why would you wish to eat Rarity?

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[Ramsus]

Yeah, Pinkie Pie would taste better.

[Lex-Kat]

Oh yes, much better. All that sugary goodness.

[Haruki-kun]

I disagree. Rarity would taste better.

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[Ramsus]

I'm not particularly fond of marshmallows, aside from the occasional smore. I have had pretty good pink pie before. Although maybe we should just take half of Applejack and have an apple pie instead.

[Mauve Shirt]

In as a person who is mildly peckish and was ordered to show up.

[Penguinator]

In as a Pink Blob who gains the powers of people it eats.

[banjo1985]

17 players, a pretty good number to work with, hurray!

I'm missing ability PMs from 7 players currently, as shown in the OP player list. You've still got a few days to get them in, just don't want you to forget and end up as powerless as Powerless Paul Power, the Powerless Pontificator.

[Fleeing Coward]

How does Eagle Eyes and Jackie Chan stack? Would you get 2 coin tosses at spotting steal/poison instead of one?

[Silent_Interim]

In as someone who is unaccountably peckish.

[Ramsus]

I zee what you did there Silent_Interim.