Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire?

[goto124]

Welcome, one and all to the eighth episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear!
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

Asterisks are highly recommended, though.

[Rater202]

*My Technomancer may not be disappointed when the currently mouse sized prince defeats the final encounter of the episode by himself because of one very good roll.

[Almarck]

* just because your DM somehow manages to acquire a bunch of game books for normally unrelated d20 games does not mean that if is a smart idea to to use then all at the same time.
** not even if they all happen to be all different editions of d&d.
*** not even if the goal is to use the 4e fighter to replace the 3.5 one.
**** yeah 3.5s fighter is terrible but 4e's fighter is incompatible.
***** the fact that 4e fighters go up to 30 while 3.5e fighters go up to 20 should be a hint. Not to mention the fact that no one else is using the healing surges or the bloodied condition. Nor does the game system we use predominantly have daily, at will, or encounter powers.




************ alright at this point it is permissible to stage a coup to take over being the dm.

[IZ42]

*Stepnophobia should not be a thing that happens in DnD.
**Especially for 8 foot tall Goliaths that regularly do life threatening things.
***Should not be unconcerned about an undead Megalodon disappearing.
****Pants soiling is appropriate in such a situation.

[YossarianLives]

* I may no longer take the feat 'fell drain.'
** I am no longer allowed to destroy the entire army occupying a city with only two people employing guerrilla warfare.

[GrayGriffin]

* No longer allowed to make fake dating sim screenshots starring my character.
** No matter how much the other players approve.

* No longer allowed to attempt to invoke maternal guilt on another player's character.
** Especially since you still don't know if he's actually your son or not.

[DigoDragon]

*My Technomancer may not be disappointed when the currently mouse sized prince defeats the final encounter of the episode by himself because of one very good roll.

** No longer surprised when said pint-sized prince has the bard's birth mother arrested for escaping prison.
*** Banned from the inevitable gut-punch ending when the bard's current mother is also arrested for assisting the birth mother's escape.
**** And for brewing illegal potions to cover up the conspiracy. And taking out the guards' memories. And blackmailing the town mayor.
***** No longer allowed to show the life lesson that sometimes the right thing is the most depressing ending to a story.

Edit:
Yes the plot here is about to be set on fire.

[Hypername]

*I am no longer allowed to go in against a Sicillian
**No, not even when death is on the line.

[Lacco]

*My 1st level fighter may not confront an illiterate member of city guard by pretending they work for the duke, shouting "Hand me the scroll", taking a random cleric scroll from the cleric, pretend that it is a formal letter from the duke and force him and his squad to run away from the town to exile .
**Even if I roll natural 20 on a Bluff.
*** Twice in a row.

Spoiler: Explanation&ironic twist

Show

New GM, good rolls and crazy idea. Oh, the city guard was the only "clean" organization which was not an in the conspiracy and was supposed to be our ally...

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may not play an alchemist with Profession (Businessman).
** May not start a surgery.
*** May not undercut the local temple for healing spells.
**** May not charge people a monthly fee in exchange for free healing.
***** May not employ clerics of the god of business.

The character I plan to run if I ever plat 3.P again

[Godie1803]

* May no longer claim that all computers/electronic device's keys/keyboards make sounds when pressed
** May no longer play Funky Town on said keyboards
*** May no longer call myself a Funky Marine

[Rater202]

*** Banned from the inevitable gut-punch ending when the bard's current mother is also arrested for assisting the birth mother's escape.

Seriously, please don't do that. We don't need two ruined birthday episodes in a row.

[DigoDragon]

Seriously, please don't do that. We don't need two ruined birthday episodes in a row.

Given who the second mother is, it would depend on how much effort the prince puts on towards the arrest. >.>

[illyahr]

*I am no longer allowed to go in against a Sicillian
**No, not even when death is on the line.

This made me chuckle.

[Rater202]

Given who the second mother is, it would depend on how much effort the prince puts on towards the arrest. >.>

So the birth mother would not finger the real mother as her accomplice? She's not gonna snitch... If her memories come back?

[King of Casuals]

*I may not create a lawful evil sorceress with incredible bluff that tries to manipulate the party
**Not even if the rest of the good-neutral aligned party acts more evil than me
***Not even if our samurai is about to attack a terrified wizard who could make rocks fall and everyone die, and the only way to stop him is mind control.

[King of Casuals]

*I may not create a habitual liar with an incredible bonus to bluff
**I may not convince the Sense Motive impaired party that I'm a prince and create a long, unpronouncable name for them to say every time they speak to me
***I may not fail my knowledge checks then lie about information vital to the plot to the rest of the party

[DigoDragon]

So the birth mother would not finger the real mother as her accomplice? She's not gonna snitch... If her memories come back?

* Not allowed to snitch on my accomplice of near 12 years.
** Next time a grand scheme is hatched that requires nearly two decades of execution, will not leave non-essential evidence unburned.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I know my players won't read the house rules before the first session, I may not slip in 'engineering solutions require ranks in the appropriate craft skill' and 'player X cannot take mechanical engineeri'.
** Even if he's ruined two games before with it.

[Rater202]

*I may not offer to fake an alibi for the bard's mother.

*I may not get smug when I outsmart God.

[Yukitsu]

*We're no longer allowed to make Cannibalism our plan B until we've made a plan A.
* *If we have to get an NPC to make our plans for us, it can't be a hallucination.

[Rater202]

*Just because God got all bitchy when we refused to fix his palace without being paid and physically assaulted my brother is no excuse for me to shoot him in the groin.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not point out that it takes at least decades, if not millennia, to form a tribe, if doing so ruins the GM's plot.
** Especially if I point out that one Caern does not make a tribe.
*** May not insist on only referring to the new Tribe as a 'freak Ronin sept'.
**** May not point out that the sept is a threat to the Garou Nation, and offer to put in a good word with the Children of Gaia if they want to try and join.
***** Cannot point out the ridiculousness of wanting to start a new tribe when the Children of Gaia would gladly except them.

My GM for this Werewolf game is going to hate me for knowing the fluff.

[TurboGhast]

Just a joke.

* Tourist is not a character class in D&D.
** Your luggage doesn't have a mind of its own.
*** Or teeth.
**** Stop standing on the sidelines of the opening bar fight miming taking pictures.

[TeChameleon]

* Tourist is not a character class in D&D.
** Your luggage doesn't have a mind of its own.
*** Or teeth.
**** Stop standing on the sidelines of the opening bar fight miming taking pictures.

Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

[Rater202]

Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

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Wut? More please.

[razorfloss]

Very nice Sir Pterry reference, 10 points

Also, yay, my thread title suggestion was used. I'm absurdly pleased by that.

* I am no longer allowed to creep my players out so badly that they recoil in horror from the unexpected discovery of a small pink teddy bear.
** If one of my players is making nervous jokes about burning his daughters' toys, I might want to tone it down a little.
*** No, the room with 'Don't Blink' scrawled in blood over and over and over and over all over the walls doesn't count as 'toning it down'.
**** If you don't want your plots dying in a fire, don't creep your players out so badly that the extremely heavily-armed PCs want to essentially nuke the site from orbit by running for the surface and turning the entire underground complex into an inferno behind them.
***** Congratulations, you have now had five battle-hardened, combat-ready Shadowrunners traumatized for life by a bunch of animate children's toys.
****** This isn't even a horror game, if you keep this up, we're going to get someone else to GM a Call of Cthulhu game so we can relax a little.

For the love of god pls give tips

[TeChameleon]

...
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...
Wut? More please.

It's a bit of a long story... longer than I have time for right now. I will, however, endeavour to get it onto these boards in the next few days one way or another.

[unseenmage]

* May not use a combination of Plane Shift, Spelljamming, and the Create Portal feat to actually set the DM's plot on fire.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not use a combination of Plane Shift, Spelljamming, and the Create Portal feat to actually set the DM's plot on fire.

** Cannot do so by taking a lighter to the DM's notes either.