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    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dire_Stirge's Avatar

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    Default Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Basically, this is a thread with only one rule: every single post has to contain at least one pun. The worse it is, the better.

    Allow me to kick this off!


    Did you hear about that guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    Last edited by Dire_Stirge; 2015-05-24 at 04:23 AM.
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    Wizard is easy mode. Real optimizers use Samurai.
    My homebrew

    Awesome stirge avatar by Cuthalion!

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    An even worse story is about a guy who loved tractors, and filled his room with tractor memorabilia. Then one day, he was run over by one and tore it all down.
    Last I heard of him, he was working in the ventilation industry as an extractor fan.


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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    enderlord99's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    You know what really gives me gas?

    Helium dispensers.
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    This is how I indicate sarcasm. I'm hoping for it to catch on! ...Yeah, that's totally likely to happen, right{‽}
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    Well, it's certainly weird for a wizard, and it sure does drink hell and spit law.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Socksy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Did you know it's impossible to run through a campsite?
    You have to ran, because it's past tents
    ℓαυяιn ιѕ тнє вєѕт ℓєgισnnαιяє

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    All things considered, the guy whose character attacked a gazebo may have actually had a point...)
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    ban the problem spells and the problem classes. not the whole book.
    So.. Keep the bard?
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    The only thing worse than a Beholder with an anti-magic cone is a Beholder without the anti-magic cone.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Baaa, I can think! Baaa, I can't see in the dark!

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    Troll in the Playground
     
    Dire_Stirge's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Q: Why aren't the Ghostbusters allowed in the liquor store anymore?
    A: They attacked all the spirits.
    Last edited by Dire_Stirge; 2015-06-07 at 10:44 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flickerdart View Post
    Wizard is easy mode. Real optimizers use Samurai.
    My homebrew

    Awesome stirge avatar by Cuthalion!

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Quild's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    - We have to destroy those slave pens!
    - Don't worry, I don't think they know how to write.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dire_Stirge View Post
    Did you hear about that guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    I actually did a very, very similar one some 4 years ago after falling from some 8 feet on my left knee and elbow (ground vs elbow vs ribs: Elbow breaks ribs, ground dislocates elbow, ground wins).
    The friend I was with found it very fun. His other two friends were quite worried for me and missed the fun of the ton of funny thing we said to forget pain.

    The joke was something like "Do you know the good side of it?" / "No?" / "The right one. Only my left side hurts".

    Aaaah, good times, I miss that.
    Posting from France
    Sorry for my accent.

    Thanks to neoseph7 for my avatar (Allen Walker from D.Gray-Man)

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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GnomeWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Here's one of my dad's new favorites.

    What do you call a fake noodle?

    An impasta!
    Never stop rolling!

    -Z


    Nexus Characters: Shoben Drémar

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Xihirli's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    That was terrible, but at least it wasn't a Russian pun.
    They tend to Peter out.

    That seems bad, but puns about sausage are the wurst.
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    Xihirli is insane, so he's pretty hard to read anyway.
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    Xihirli acts as a 3D caricature of something that frankly defies description.
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    To be fair, you are Xihirli.
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    Why do I feel that this is your response to everything? I won't be bested by your madness, Xihirli, mark my words.
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.Gunsforhands View Post
    Well, that's - wait. Where's Xihirli?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Obergefell
    "[Today's ruling] affirms what millions across this country already know to be true in their hearts: our love is equal."

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Atreyu the Masked LLama's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I am disappointed by the lack of tentacle puns in this thread. I'm a sucker for a good tentacle pun.
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    One from a friend at a primary school talent show (circa 2002, gosh I feel old):

    Why did the dragon sleep during the day?
    Because he only ate knights.
    Icy Fan of Gelugons and proud member of Baatezu Lovers Club

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    You seem to like summoning monsters and watching them beat the everloving crap out of one another.

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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Speaking of night, I was stayed up until morning to find out where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    My Campaign Logs, Homebrew, and Worldbuiling (and also a bit of Novel-Writing): The Emerald Order - Chronicles of D&D


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    Orc in the Playground
     
    Felandria's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I want Games Workshop to have a contest where you can win a solid gold piece worth six figures.

    Because I want to win The $100,000 Tyranid.

    Pony Felandria by Dirtytabs, OOTS Avvie by Kymme, Doll by Recaiden
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    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    My friends and I used to do pun battles all the time back in high school. It kept our morale up right before history class.
    Though that's all in the past, because we pun the war on good grades!
    True story, by the way, as told by the winners
    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure.
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    Ghost in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    After revealing that he had depression, Pat received a list of 10 puns from his friends, trying to cheer him up. Unforunately, no pun in ten did.

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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    AvatarVecna's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    When your job is putting groceries in bags for the customers, you have to wait for them to select their preferred material; we all know that baggers can't be choosers.
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    And his avatar is a dead horse so we can all feel justified in continuing to beat on him.
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    Ghost in the Playground
     
    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    So I heard this story about a rope. The rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.
    The bartender asks, "Are you a rope?". The rope says " Yes.".
    The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve ropes here." And kicks the rope out. Well, the rope gets all twisted up over that, and all his ends become a bit unraveled, and he goes back to the bar. The bartender asks again, "Are you a rope?", to which the rope responds...
    " No, I'm a frayed knot."

    (The sound of crickets chirping is heard softly in the background)
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    You actually bothered to click all those?

    I love white text, don't you?
    I'm not that new to the forums. Please forgive mistakes anyway.
    Abbreviate my name to Lifs or Lifscu.
    Loeth andeth beholdeth, Ieth haveth returneth.

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    Ghost in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    So there were two broccolis walking down the street together, Big Broccoli and Small Broccoli. They came to a crosswalk, and Small Broccoli darted accros, dodging dastardly drivers until he reached the other side. Big Broccoli tried to imitate her, but he wasn't as limber as his friend, and he was hit. Small Broccoli rushed him to the hospital. She waited for hours, pacing up and down the halls, until finally the doctor came out.

    "Is he alright, doc?"

    "Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, he'll live. The bad news is, he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Prince Zahn's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    When someone smacks you with his right hand, you can't argue with it 'cause it's right to do so.
    When someone slaps you with the left hand, it's because all the right people left you hanging.
    P.Z. - gamer; friend; royalty. 'Tis a pleasure.
    <<Vamber, The daring Martyr, portrayed by Ceika's amazing avatar skills!

    My Setting:
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    Pixie in the Playground
     
    gllithid's Avatar

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    Post Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    jeesh, the puns are getting so intense, its almost like we're camping.
    Avatar done by Cealocanth.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lheticus's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I have problems with my skin itching pretty frequently. So frequently in fact, that when I start to itch I refer to it as "Comrade Alodovich coming to visit."
    It's not whether you win or lose...it's why you're playing in the first place.

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Sir Toast's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I used to be a banker (but then I took an arrow to the knee, no just kidding) but then I lost interest.

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    GAAD's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    ...
    DING


    I used to be an Avenger like you...
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    ...but then I took an arrow in the Kree.
    Have a gaad day everybody!
    I like white text. Highlight my posts for bonus goodies.
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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Atreyu the Masked LLama's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Playing D&D

    (GM): "you all see what appears to be the overgrown ruins of an ancient temple"
    Player: "can we tell who it was a temple to?"
    (GM) "not at a glance - any such indication is covered by ivy, weeds, tree-limbs and other vegetation."
    Llama: "oh, so it's a moss-que..."
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    In the first season of Agents of SHIELD, Ward and May hooked up. One scene has Brett Dalton wearing only a towel around his waist, eye candy for the ladies (and some men I suppose). However, behind the scenes the actor was bothered by this. During dress rehearsal he complained to the director when the costume department only gave him the towel. The director told him that was the costume. Brett Dalton was miffed. "You're lying. Which Ward robe?"
    Last edited by Pex; 2015-10-14 at 02:10 PM.
    If you can't trust your players not to ruin the game when given power, why are you playing with them?

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Ninjaman's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I won't let my children watch the music channel, too much sax and violins.
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    I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.

    What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
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    In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
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    Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
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    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ClericGirl

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    Did you hear about the midwife moonlighting as a stand-up comedian? She did pretty well; she had good delivery.

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    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Ninjaman's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I would make a joke about a castle, but the build-up is too long.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cizak View Post
    I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.

    What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
    Quote Originally Posted by The Glyphstone View Post
    In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kneenibble View Post
    Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
    And more in the extended signature!

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    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Atreyu the Masked LLama's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    If you speak one human language as well as canine, you are considered bow-lingual.
    inner circle Legionary of Resiliance
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    Not here as much. I am out Roman around.

  29. - Top - End - #29
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Pex's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    The reason Harrison Ford broke his leg filming Star Wars is Mark Hamill had loosened paneling on the Millennium Falcon set meant as a prank for a later scene shoot by Peter Mayhew. What a joker he is.
    If you can't trust your players not to ruin the game when given power, why are you playing with them?

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    GAAD's Avatar

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    Default Re: Horrible Puns I: Just for pun

    I went to see a documentary on the Earl of Grey two days ago. Sadly, it wasn't my cup of tea.
    Have a gaad day everybody!
    I like white text. Highlight my posts for bonus goodies.
    I hope this sentence is the highlight of my sig.
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