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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    eek [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    "Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise!"

    Wall of Yo Momma!
    Conjuration [Creation]
    Level: Sor/Wiz 4
    Components: V, S, M
    Casting Time: 1 standard action
    Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
    Effect: Ole woman whose area is up to one 5-ft. square/level; see text
    Duration: Instantaneous
    Saving Throw: See text
    Spell Resistance: Nuh UH!

    You summon a moo-moo wearin' old woman and plunk her down whever she can fit. Yo momma cannot form in an area occupied by physical objects or creatures cuz she BIG! Any creature adjacent to yo momma when she is summoned may attempt a Reflex save to disrupt her as she comes into being.

    Yo momma can move 20 feet per round, and has a reach of 5 feet. She can slap you silly, able to make 2 slam attacks at a base attack equal to your caster level. These attacks deal 2d6 points of damage each.

    Yo momma is 5 inches thick per two caster levels. Each 10-foot square of lard has 1 hit point per inch of thickness. Creatures can hit yo momma automatically. A section of momma whose hit points drop to 0 is breached. If a creature tries to break through with a single attack, the DC for the Strength check is 15 + caster level.

    Material Component: A twinkie.
    Last edited by The Vorpal Tribble; 2008-03-31 at 10:25 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    FreeRangeOyster's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    I know we should expect it from you, VT, but that's... that's messed up. Please tell me you're not actually going to use this. Unless you're playing D20 Modern in the ghetto. Then it's gold man, solid gold.


    "That which does not kill you has made a tactical error." - Rule 35, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Pirates

    See the world, differently.

    Thanks to urodivoi for the oystatar!

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Demented's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    The second sentence earned a smile.
    Oh, and what does "Spell Resistance: Nuh UH!" mean? Is that the opposite of a "MmmHmm!"?

    [roll0]
    Belkar's Bad to the Bone.
    Dispossible a fetter hein and bemay kine a sinder's tock.

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    J_Muller's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    ...This is one of the funniest things I've seen on this forum yet. Congratulations, you win.
    Last edited by J_Muller; 2007-04-28 at 02:19 AM.
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    Fiscal Mereor, by NecroPaladin.



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    Kyrian, describing my very own Fourth Empire...
    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrian View Post
    ...god damned moron organizations full of morons...

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    Even better. Boy from Turkey and girl from UK wake up in Vegas married to one another. We'll call it Dude, Where's My Country?

  5. - Top - End - #5
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    mikeejimbo's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Vorpal Tribble is a god.

    I believe he grants the Insanity domain.
    Thanks to zegma for my awesome avatar.
    Proudly the founder of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub.
    We will not let Nessie down! http://www.petitiononline.com/PLEAOSAR/
    My homebrew blog

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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Quote Originally Posted by Demented View Post
    Oh, and what does "Spell Resistance: Nuh UH!" mean? Is that the opposite of a "MmmHmm!"?
    *nods*

    Uh huh.

  7. - Top - End - #7
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Don't forget the improved version where anyone trying to get through gets stuck in extradimensional folds of fat.

    OMG, the Vorpal Tribble is a disease.

    Quick, shoot me now.

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    Orc in the Playground
     
    Fualkner Asiniti's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    *Gives Realms a siringe.

    We all carry around the cure, just in case.

    Great job VT.
    My sister has more ranks in Tumble then your level 13 rogue!

    (Seriously. She's a gymnast.)
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  9. - Top - End - #9
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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Quote Originally Posted by Realms of Chaos View Post
    Don't forget the improved version where anyone trying to get through gets stuck in extradimensional folds of fat.

    OMG, the Vorpal Tribble is a disease.

    Quick, shoot me now.
    Nope, too late now. It'll follow you to the grave!... as will the image of being stuck in yo momma's folds of fat.

    *claws out his eyes*

  10. - Top - End - #10
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    The Vorpal Tribble's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    April fool's bump!

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    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ChumpLump's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Is anyone else inspired to create a whole domain of Yo Momma?

    Minor Image of a Mother, ... is so Fat, ...is so Old,... is so Ugly, ...is so Stupid, ...is so Nasty, ... is so much of a Slut , ... Improved so Fat , Automatic Response (Your Mom!)

    What domain ability? 1/day as an immediate action you may interrupt a Diplomacy check being made by any target, by shouting out the two simple words " Your Momma!" at the choice moment. This incurs an incompetence penalty to the target's current diplomacy check equal to your caster level+5. For the next 24 hours the target takes a -5 incompetence penalty to Diplomacy checks.
    My preferred pronouns are they, them, and their.

  12. - Top - End - #12
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    SurlySeraph's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    You managed to make me laugh, and I have a cold and just got waitlisted by my favortie college. My hat is off to you, good Sir Tribble.
    Quote Originally Posted by Thespianus View Post
    I fail to see how "No, that guy is too fat to be hurt by your fire" would make sense.

  13. - Top - End - #13
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Collin152's Avatar

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    Default Re: [Spell] Ain't no one gettin' round HER!

    Is this a summoning, calling, or creation effect?

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