Relationship Woes and Advice

[The Prince of Cats]

When a girl tells she loves you, is it ok to pull the Han Solo and say "I know"?

Later in the relationship, it can work. When she has just told you for the first time ever that she loves you, you shouldn't try it unless you are about to be encased in carbonite. Later on, as long as she knows Star Wars, I think the joke would not go unappreciated...

[Nerzi]

I find this topic interesting, and would really like to hear what some of the forum women have to say on the issue. I have only been speaking from my personal experience, but some other perspectives, especially from women, would be interesting.

Ok, I shall attemt to give you my perspective then.

To be respected
Clearly yes everyone wants and deserves respect. But I do not want to be put on some stupid pedastal. Much as I may attempt to deny it I'm actualy not perfect. I like someone who can point that out when its needed. I'm quite sarcastic and teasing so a guy who can take my teasing and give back just as many (jokey) insults as give out earns respect points.

I do NOT needed to be protected and any bloke who exhibits sighns of this annoying jealousy and insicurity in attempting to 'protect' me from othr men goes straight out of the window. Proper respect would be to let me make my own decions, if I wanted to be with another man I would, don't be so insicure it's the biggest turn off ever. Of course the exception to the 'don't protect' me is if I thought I was in any real danger say from a stalker/some guy who might get violent, but in general no. Just no. In fact I would say to assume blindly I either want or need protection is about as huge a disrespect as you can get. No brownie points going for being an overprotective, insecure prick I'm afraid.

Be a good listener yeah, but be a good talker too. I enjoy conversation, not just talking while the bloke listens intently. The point is to get to know each other, if there isn't a fairly equal balance it's not good. I want to get to know the boy I'm talking to as much as he may want to get to know me so for gods sake make it a conversation and don't just sit their listening, I will walk out on you.

To be impressed
Shows of wealth, also not apreciated. Fine you may have money, very nice, I'm not going to complain about that, but random presents expensive gifts etc, not needed it's just showing off. Flowers from blokes get given straight to my mum, who actualy cares for the damn things, gifts I don't like will get shoved in the 'boyfriend box' and only taken out when I need a laugh.

I like to pay for my own half on dates, but if I honestly can't afford it (am a poor unemployed student) than yes I would like the guy to offer to cover it, that's not a show of wealth though, just shows I don't like tightfisted misers.

Telling stories is good, helps to understand someones personality, but while these can create a great impression they can also create an overwhelmingly negative one if they're too boastful, arrogant, full of yourself I will get bored very quickly and not be wanting another date.

Big shows of yourself do I'm afraid make you appear a bit insecure as in 'my personality isn't enough to attract a girl so I have to use my wealth and big myself up lots to get them interested'.

To be entertained
Well yeah I like a guy who isn't too serious and can entertain me. A sense of humour (as well as a resistance to sarcasm) is pretty essential for a bloke. But neither do I want a guy who's always 'the funny guy' don't go out of your way to entertain me, it appears desperate. Just be yourself.

To be seduced
Maybe I like doing the seducing myself
Yes having someone try to seduce you is flattering, it makes me feel better about myself. But it's not always needed and certainly not always wanted.
I'm a really flirty girl, but most of that is just friendly and with no emotions attached. I like a guy who can flirt back but cheesy lines (unless said in a very ironic way) and too much oggling are real turn offs.

In conclusion: I think it's stupid to try and attempt to win anyone bassed on some general guidelines, everybody is different and apreciates different things(aparently I have very different tastes to the women in Driderman's life). Just be yourself, because eventualy even if you keep up the act for ages first, your true personality will come out and that will be the deciding factor in how your relationship turns out. Yeah be nice to her, maybe tone down your more intense/whacky side a bit until you know her well enough to think she'll be comfortable with it, but essentialy just stay true to you. (Ooooh it rhymes)


Sorry for length...and any typos or stuff that doesn't make sense, brain not up to profreading...need sleep.


Edit:

When a girl tells she loves you, is it ok to pull the Han Solo and say "I know"?

Depends on where your relationship is.
Me and my boyfriend say it to each other all the time, but to be honest I don't think either of us were using it as a Star Wars reference or joke.

[Obsidian Blade]

When a girl tells she loves you, is it ok to pull the Han Solo and say "I know"?

Hell no, IMO. If a boy said that to me the first time I told him I loved him, I'd be quite pissed off at him for ruining the moment/being arrogant. Maybe later in the relationship.
Maybe other girls would take it differently. But to say it to someone like me would be the wrong thing to do.

[Nerzi]

Definitely not the first time she says it. But once you've told her you love her too (whenever in the ralationship that is) and so you both know the feelings mutual I see no reason why you shouldn't say it at all.

[Driderman]

Firstly, I'd like the point out that the perfect gentlemen comment was a joke. I was sure I put a smiley at the end, too...
Secondly. Those are general guidelines and examples, not hard facts. But if we're comparing experience Arlanthe, I can beat your 2 girlfriends record easily but on the other hand you got a wife
At any rate, I find these things have worked for me. You're not supposed to model your life after them, you're supposed to have a look at the suggestions and think 'Which approach would work best on the girl I like?' and then do something about instead of asking advice on the forum of a webcomic

As for the 'just be yourself advice': Not a bad idea, but sometimes you just need to be a little bit more, if you really want to get the girl.

And as said before, if anyone wants to edit my advice, feel free. I'm sure it'd work a lot better if people simplied copied the post and added their views and suggestions instead of just telling me how they disagree cause I'
m too lazy to do it

[Arlanthe]

Firstly, I'd like the point out that the perfect gentlemen comment was a joke. I was sure I put a smiley at the end, too...
Secondly. Those are general guidelines and examples, not hard facts. But if we're comparing experience Arlanthe, I can beat your 2 girlfriends record easily but on the other hand you got a wife
At any rate, I find these things have worked for me. You're not supposed to model your life after them, you're supposed to have a look at the suggestions and think 'Which approach would work best on the girl I like?' and then do something about instead of asking advice on the forum of a webcomic

As for the 'just be yourself advice': Not a bad idea, but sometimes you just need to be a little bit more, if you really want to get the girl.

And as said before, if anyone wants to edit my advice, feel free. I'm sure it'd work a lot better if people simplied copied the post and added their views and suggestions instead of just telling me how they disagree cause I'
m too lazy to do it

Fair enough. I think Nerzi said it best when she mentioned being yourself, because in the end your true personality will show anyway.

For the record, I specifically mentioned "my last two girlfriends" because they were long-term and along with my wife (current, hopefully permanent) that covers three long term relationships in my adult life. I have certainly had more girlfriends and relationships. Some did not go well specifically because I tried to be something other than myself.

The reason I think long term is important is because there is a difference between "romantic" and "intimate" love. Romantic love, while fun, giddy, and important, will ultimately take backseat to intimate love in a long term relationship. It's easy to idealize someone when you've dated them less than a year, and there are still all of those initial sparks. The relationship that becomes from truly knowing and sharing your life with someone after all of the retenses are buried is the most important thign.

[Syka]

I have no advice to contribute at the moment, due to my brain being shut down after my Greek exam.

However, feel free to post about ANY relationship problems- romantically, friends, family. Whatever. It started as a romantic-relationship thread, but by no means am I going to discriminate. :) As long as it is relationship related, I haven't a problem with it. Heck, I don't even consider myself as the 'owner' of the thread, I just happened to be the one who opened it. Feel free to take it where you will.

[Ranis]

Okay, here's a doosy. I got out of a relationship in November because I was tired of her having the mentality of a 15 year old when she was around me but wouldn't have anything to do with me when we were around friends. So, that was out.

In the past month, I began "dating" again. I put this in apostrophes because over the course of these past 3 months, I've asked classmates if they wanted to hang out sometime, then, after accepting, they stood me up for various reasons.

This has happened 5 times in a row.

I'm beginning to lose faith. I mean, I'm not a bad guy. I'm a virgin, I have morals and ethics, I'm not a pothead nor do I cut myself. Basically, when women are sitting around asking, "Where are all the good guys these days?," I was sitting in the corner silently raising my hand. I don't have a....spectacular outlook on myself, but then again I've never really had a reason to beleive otherwise, with my past relationship problems. (First one was a literal black magic witch, second a whore, third an overly zealous religious nut, fourth mentioned above.)

All of the girls I've asked to hang out were people whom I thought were of good moral caliber and crass; apparently looks can be deceiving, especially where women are involved. I'm not great at asking them in the first place, and when I do, it's never very confident-sounding because I often choke on my own words. Sigh.

Last Wednesday, I finally randomly asked this girl I've had my eye on at work for a while now, and we had lunch. During lunch, I found out what a catch this girl is. Extremely intelligent, gorgeous, and a gamer. Too good to be true, right? Yeah. We hung out on Sunday, during which time she told me she's seeing someone. Whee. I got no problems being friends with her, because my female friends department has now risen to a whopping 3. Soon, we may form a crowd.

So, moving on, I found out Sunday that I have to bring a date to my cousin's wedding, being one of his groomsmen and all. So, I absolutely must have a date by June 2nd, in time for his wedding. This added more stress, because where at first I was just hunting, I'm now on a 28-day clock. And the timer is ticking.

So I hopped on my AIM last night, and talked to an acquaintance from a Bridge class from last semester. (Bridging at my college is a way to assimilate incoming freshmans into college-the class meets 9-5 for 2 weeks before actual classes begin, then meets only every other Monday and the class ends in October. So, I got to know everyone in that class somewhat well.) I never had the courage to talk to this girl in Bridge, not really, because she is...I think the best terminology appropriate here is 'intimidatingly beautiful.' I talked to her, and told her about my predicament with my cousin's wedding. Asked her if she had any friends that were single (she is) and she said all of hers were taken; but why hadn't I asked her? "You're a caliber above the kind of woman that I'd consider a chance with," I told her.

She said, "You don't know me enough to make that claim, I think." This immediately perked my attention. Could this mean that this is actually a girl with morals and values? That actually likes talking to me? That is taking the same major I am? Too good to be true. So, I spent the rest of the night asking her questions. She answered them, some embarrassing, some not; I was trying to get to know her. That was the aim. The problem was, she wasn't asking me the same question back when I asked her one.

Today, when I see her I'm going to ask her if she's interested in getting to know me better as well. Love has to be a reflexive thing; I can't find out everything about her then ask her out, without her being curious to find things out about me. I know that'll end in proverbial bloodshed, and I don't want that. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being lied to and having dirt kicked in my face.

If she is interested, I'm going to ask her out to dinner+movie. See how we react. If I think we click, I'll ask her to my cousin's wedding. If not, I'm in the proverbial can once again.

What do you all think? If I do go back into the can, do you have any advice for me?

Thanks for reading my little rant :D <3

If anyone would like to talk to me directly about this, my AIM screen name is RumbleRanis411.

[Fourth Tempter]

You may be aware of this, but: the vast majority of people have "morals and values". Using the term to mean your specific morals and values, thereby (perhaps inadverdently) implying that those who don't share your opinions are some manner of moral degenerates, is hardly a proper thing to do.

[Midnight Son]

Oh man...This isn't for me but...man...I get myself in bad situations.

I have two friends, right? A dude and a chick. Well, I was speaking with the chick yesterday and the dude came up...And she said that he reminded her of her little brother and she wasn't sure she could like him, etc...Which I take to mean there has been some thoughts on her part and therefore a possibility. There was speculation that he could maybe have a crush on her.

Kind of confirmed today. Now he's asking me about her (is it bad I kind of like her, does she like anyone, etc?) and I'm all "Crap." I don't want to get his hopes up high, but I don't want to dash them in case she DOES end up liking him. And I can't really bring it up with her because I already told him I wouldn't mention it...oO' Eeeeep...Not fun. --'

I haven't been on long enough to really look at this thread recently, so I apologize that this is a few pages back, but had to respond due to me having been in the position of the guy in this little tale of woe. I've told this story before, but it's fitting here. I had a really good friend a while back and ended up falling in love with her after a couple years. When I told her this, she told me flat out that kissing me would feel like kissing her brother. I spent a year after that trying to convince her otherwise. Though I never pushed her, I did do things that no brother would ever do for a sister. It was all to no avail. She had me stuck as her best friend and I wasn't gonna budge from there. My point is, your friend saying she might not be able to like him as more than a friend indicates to me that she's less on the fence and more unsure how to deal with a romantic advance from him, since she only wants him for a friend. I could be wrong on this, but experience tells me that, once the "brother" comparison comes up, he's doomed.

Edit: @^Way to pick up on the important issue in his tale. I'm sure that'll fix the whole issue.[/sarcasm]

[Dib]

gos I hate these kinds of threads... posting questions in them always makes me feel like a jerk cos I'm asking a probably quite common question while other people have real problems... oh well... I'll ask anyway...

There's a girl I like, but I don't know if she likes me back (by like I mean fancy)(We're friends)... I havenm't gotten any signs from her that she likes me (although I'm crap at reading signs)... but one of her friends said that she fancies me (not to me... but near me so I heard it) and also a couple of my friends said she seems like she's attracted to me... another part of the problem is age... without mentioning too much detail I'll just say that I'm a bit older than her... any ideas on what to do? cheers

[Fourth Tempter]

You should inquire as to whether or not she really does "fancy" you, from the only person in the world who is guaranteed to know for sure.

Then suggest one of those strange modern outings known as "a date".

[Syka]

Ranis, I don't have much advice to give you on the dating portion, as you seem to be knowing what to do there. It is a good idea for you to both get to know each other, rather than it just being you doing the work. I'm really sorry to hear that you've been stood up. What were the circumstances? As in, where you there and they never showed, or they had to cancel? I know the guy I'm dating and I had trouble getting our first date in because we were both so busy.

That being said, a 'date' to a wedding doesn't actually have to be a date- it can just be a friend. At the last wedding I went to, the people sitting next to us were just good friends. Is there a particular reason why you need to have a date?

That being said- never underestimate us women, and don't go all "Oh, you're too good for me, why are you with me, etc?" It drove me NUTS when my ex did that. I wasn't being forced to be with him, I made the CHOICE to be with him.

Dib, ask her out. Just go for it. I have a feeling the guy I'm dating now had no clue what my response would be when he asked me out. For one, when we met I was still in a relationship (I'm not sure if I'd talked to him enough for him to know), so my mind was still in the 'other guys are non-sexual entites'. Then my boyfriend broke up with me (poor guy happened to be on AIM at the time and got an earful about that...I still feel bad), so I wasn't exactly thinking about dating. But, he asked me out, I thought about it and was like "Ya know, why not? He's a cool cat."

Moral of the story- the only way you can really tell is by asking her herself, or asking her out. Maybe just ask her to something casual, like coffee.

[Dib]

lol... coffee... not really her cup of coffee (I once swore to never make puns again... this is why)... I don't really want to just ask her... well actually I really do... but I'm worried it might ruin our friendship... she stopped talking to me for almost a week once when I got drunk and texted her saying she's hot... but I was drunk... I'm just worried that it'll be awkward if I said something...

[Tsunomaru]

Awright, I guess I'll give this a shot. I'll tell you right now that I'm about to paint a comprehensive picture of my situation before I even get to any questions.

For my part: 21 years old college student, male, as critically relationship-tarded as, I'm sure, many of my nerd/geek/dork/[pick your label] colleagues here.

As far as she goes: A girl in one of my classes; I know her name (and thus her university email), but that's about it.

When the two of us are concerned: I'm at a loss. We sit near opposite corners of the classroom's table (it's sort of a round-table colloquium deal), and every so often I might catch her smiling at me. Added to that, a few times when we would pass one another by elsewhere on campus, she would send me a casual wave. The depth of our conversations have consisted essentially of her asking me if my geekdom extended to WoW, which some of her friends play, which I brazenly (and truthfully) denied, and, more recently, each of us describing the premise of our term papers for the class as we walked together to the next building over -- during the 2.5 hour class's 15 minute break -- to access a pop machine.

Now, I don't consider myself to conform to popular standards of being physically attractive -- while my avatar isn't intended to represent me, it would do a decent job of it. Beard included. So if there's any significant reason why she should be the least bit interested in me, it would probably because I'm probably the 2nd-4th most loquacious participant in the class, a classics colloquium in which I'm one of 3.5 classicists (out of a total of 8-9 students).

So. Questions. Based on this synopsis of our acquaintance, does it seem logical for me to assume she's interested? If it's as ambiguous to everyone else as it is to me, how would I go about asking her without coming off as weird? I know, I know, I shouldn't concern myself overmuch with what people think, but I've got few enough public virtues that I don't need gossip going around.

[Dib]

@Tsunomaru: Just casually ask her if she'd want to go and have lunch or a drink some time... I suppose its worth a shot and doesn't make you seem like you want her... you just want to be friendly...

[Ranis]

Ranis, I don't have much advice to give you on the dating portion, as you seem to be knowing what to do there. It is a good idea for you to both get to know each other, rather than it just being you doing the work. I'm really sorry to hear that you've been stood up. What were the circumstances? As in, where you there and they never showed, or they had to cancel? I know the guy I'm dating and I had trouble getting our first date in because we were both so busy.

That being said, a 'date' to a wedding doesn't actually have to be a date- it can just be a friend. At the last wedding I went to, the people sitting next to us were just good friends. Is there a particular reason why you need to have a date?

They're doing this deal at my cousin's wedding where the bride and groom dance first, then the groomsmen and their dates, then the brides maids and their dates come in and dance, then everyone else. So, it's a must. If I don't, the whole family will look down on me and think that I'm not as successful as my cousin. I know that's wrong, but it's the way my family is.

When I was stood up, they each made "excuses" for not being able to actually come, and when I suggested a later date, they all said something to the effect of "Maybe we need to just be friends," or, "I don't know, I'm probably too busy for us to meet on the same day." So it was quite obvious that they weren't interested in going in the first place.

[Syka]

My good ole standby- coffee (or tea, or hot chocolate, or just some place that serves a variety of drinks)! It can possibly turn into a second date, or if nothing comes of it, it can be a just friends thing. (And Dib, by coffee, I meant drinks :P) There is a chance that she might like you. Make a point to hang out with her during the breaks, if you have the chance amble with her to her next class/car/whatever. I know one of the things that impressed me about the guy I'm dating is he would walk me to the building on campus I worked at after every class for the last 2 months of class (just previous to me break up), even though his car was always parked across campus where our class had been. *cue aww*

Ranis, that royally sucks. I'd say, if this girl doesn't pan out, just ask a good female friend to go with you. I know I'd do it for any of my guy friends, as long as you let them know it's just as friends. And those girls, I guess, didn't know how to handle the situation and thusly handled it badly. --'

Speaking of, you mentioned classicist. You would happen to be studying the Classics as in Greek and Rome would you? Sorry...Very off topic...but yah, I don't meet fellow Classics majors often.

[Vampiric]

@Ranis: Yeah, I agree with Dib. The 15 mins you have that you mention would probably be a great time to ask her out for a coffee/go to movie, etc.

@Dib: Don't feel bad. Like we used to get told in my PSHE class, if you don't ask, you won't find out, and feeling bad doesn't make anything better.
Anyhoo, to your question. First, I don't advise getting drunk, but that's a different thread. Second, drunken texting can be bad, very bad. i.e. I know someone who spent half their credit, and they didn't remember how... Third, if you're sure that her friends weren't messing with you, then ask her how she feels, that's the best gauge of her feelings. Lastly, are you in college? Uni, Secondary School? Where is she?

[Tsunomaru]

Speaking of, you mentioned classicist. You would happen to be studying the Classics as in Greek and Rome would you? Sorry...Very off topic...but yah, I don't meet fellow Classics majors often.

Ita. Freakin' ita. The class was a colloquium on Magical Transformations by way of Ovid's Metamorphoses and Apuleius' The Golden Ass.

But I must admit that the timing of this query was rather terrible: the last session of the semester was last night, with only the final remaining; due to the fact that we're likely to finish our finals -- and thus leave -- at different times, another coincidental meeting would be unlikely. There's always the chance that we'll both be there early, though.

[Dib]

Actually it was my friends that told me... not hers... so I don't think its messing about... but I dont think they'd really know if she did like me or not either...

And we're both in Secondary School... though I'll be leaving for College in September... she'll be in Secondary school for another 3 years though... like I said, age difference...

[averagejoe]

Actually it was my friends that told me... not hers... so I don't think its messing about... but I dont think they'd really know if she did like me or not either...

And we're both in Secondary School... though I'll be leaving for College in September... she'll be in Secondary school for another 3 years though... like I said, age difference...

One thing I've learned is that you can often trust your friends on these things; they have a certain objectivity that you might lack, not being the ones directly affected by such a relationship. In my experience, friends are right about these things more often than not.

Also, the age difference isn't so bad. It might seem like it now, just because there are so many rapid changes to your life, but three years really isn't a lot. The only akward thing is that period of time in which you're a legal adult but she isn't, and this is something I can't really comment on, I'm afraid.

[Ranis]

Ranis, that royally sucks. I'd say, if this girl doesn't pan out, just ask a good female friend to go with you. I know I'd do it for any of my guy friends, as long as you let them know it's just as friends. And those girls, I guess, didn't know how to handle the situation and thusly handled it badly. --'

Speaking of, you mentioned classicist. You would happen to be studying the Classics as in Greek and Rome would you? Sorry...Very off topic...but yah, I don't meet fellow Classics majors often.

It may come to that, but I sincerely hope it doesn't. I'm the kind of person where physical contact comes with a bit of emotion behind it. Comes with being an extreme introvert all of my life. So, it would be a bit weird for me, and a bit emotionally strange for her if I asked one of my whopping 3 female friends. I was actually hoping this could turn out to be a very romantic thing, and it's also going to somewhat double as my pseudo-prom, because I never went to my high school prom. Comes with being a loser =/. Plus, you know how mushy women get at weddings, heh. Might turn out to be a great thing, given time. But, who knows. I'll give you more information as I talk to her tonight. Thanks, Syka.

And, was the Classics comment for me? I don't really know what the classics are, and if I quoted one, it was completely accidental. X_X

[Syka]

Yah, friends are unfortunately a fairly good indicator.

I'm still denying that one guy from my Greek class likes me, even though a mutual friend has been pointing it out for months and the guy has recently been upping his tactics. Asking me to lunch, asking for advice on how to tell a girl you are interested in her and yet she is seeing someone (then procedeing to ask me to lunch the next day after I told him to do it in person), etc. --' The worst part is...He has asked me (hypothetically) before if I'd date him. I told him he is dateable (which is what he said he was really asking), but I wouldn't be able to date him because of ideological differences.

Unless your friends have some reason to want to pull one over on you. In which case, they're mean....oO

Ranis, I know what you mean. I actually didn't go to my prom either. And you'd be surprised how unmushy women can be at weddings. I'd only been dating the guy, maybe, a month when he asked me to go to his friends wedding with him. Admittedly, me and his friends date (who was just a friend), forced them to both do the Timewarp...But neither me nor the other girl did the bouque. I think the guys did do the garter, which was pretty funny. But...Depending on how you make it, weddings can just be fun and nothing too serious.

Tsunomaru, what about ita? oO *confused* That sounds like a fun class though. Maybe agree before the test to meet outside afterwards, to talk about it or something? That's what I did with a friend to day.

[Dib]

Cheers ... maybe I'll say something tommorrow... unless I chicken out like normal... or unless she isn't in... she was off sick today so she might not be in tommorrow either...

[Arlanthe]

I agree with Vampiric about the getting drunk thing. Definitely not when texting, and abyssmally not when you are communicating with someone you fancy. Poor Dib, sounds like you're in a bind. I'm on the "tell her like it is" bandwagon. The age difference... my wife is four years older than me ;)

Tsunomaru- you're a fortunate man. Classics is like gold boullion (sp) in the romance world :) The Golden Ass eh? Nothing like discussing a beastiality rape scene with priests to break the ice... on second thought, maybe you shouldn't talk about The Golden Ass. Seriously though, dive in. I think your chances are good by the sound of it.

[Closet_Skeleton]

I do classics at A-level... We're doing greek theatre and Thucidies and stuff.

I gave that girl a letter, now I just have to wait for her to turn me down.

[Syka]

:P Don't be so pessimistic! You never know what the outcome will truly be.

As Monty Python says:

Always look on the bright side of life. Do do do do de do de do.

Just ignore the whole part about terminal breath, and you'll be good. ;)

[Tsunomaru]

Tsunomaru, what about ita? oO *confused*

"ĭta , adv. [pronom. stem i-; cf. is; Sanscr. itthā; Zend, itha] , in the manner specified,

• I.in this manner, in this wise, in such a way, so, thus.

...

C. In affirmations, esp. in replies, yes, it is so, just so, true"

[WingedCheetah]

How does one casually date without the casual sex?

I've been 4 years since I've dated anyone besides my ex, and I've never quite gotten the hang of 'casual dating'. Most of my dates had a tendency to escalate into actual relationships, whether I wanted it to or not (I fall in love easy and fast and deep).

Right now I just want to meet people and hang out, but from previous experience, I'm afraid of it escalating and not being able to hold myself back. :-/