Relationship Woes and Advice

[Closet_Skeleton]

I lost.

Probably made a fool of myself too...

[Logic]

Don't feel sorry for yourself. If she can't understand that you were taking a leap, and doing something hard for you to actually compliment her, and she wasn't flattered, she is not worth your time.

But you probalby shouldn't take advice from me when it comes to asking out women. My record isn't exactly good when it comes to these things.

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

I lost.

Probably made a fool of myself too...

She might have turned you down, but that's not a "loss"; yeah, it's a drag, but at least you know one person to stop wasting your time on.

Besides, you never know. In a few months, she might call you up and say, "Remember that letter you gave me...?" Or not.

And making a fool of yourself? Might as well get used to it, you're a human and will be doing it for the rest of your life.

[Glaivemaster]

I agree with El Jaspero. Bad luck, I'm sure you can live with it though, and at least you now know what she thinks about a relationship of you. Think of it as freedom from at least one crush

[Dib]

Dammit, dammit, dammit!!! *headdesk* !!!!!!!

I had the perfect opportunity!! She lead me over to an out of the way tree, but not too out of the way... she even told our friend who was walking with us to go wait over there (where everyone else was)... and I didn't do it!! DAMMIT!!! Now I gotta wait till Tuesday before I can even see her again (stupid Bank Holiday!!)!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jack Squat]

Dammit, dammit, dammit!!! *headdesk* !!!!!!!

I had the perfect opportunity!! She lead me over to an out of the way tree, but not too out of the way... she even told our friend who was walking with us to go wait over there (where everyone else was)... and I didn't do it!! DAMMIT!!! Now I gotta wait till Tuesday before I can even see her again (stupid Bank Holiday!!)!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

did you chicken out, or did you not realize what she was trying to do?

if it's the first, just stop thinking about any consequences. if it's the second, can you call her?

[Dib]

I sort of realised what she was doing... but its kinda blurry now... and I think I don't think it was all down to chickening out... I actually had no idea what to say...

[Midnight Son]

I sort of realised what she was doing... but its kinda blurry now... and I think I don't think it was all down to chickening out... I actually had no idea what to say...

In caps to help you remember; "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT WITH ME THIS WEEKEND?"

Why do people need to complicate this? It's a first date. You don't need a plan, All you need is a question. The plan can come later when you've had a chance to come down off the high caused by the question.

[Ranis]

I sort of realised what she was doing... but its kinda blurry now... and I think I don't think it was all down to chickening out... I actually had no idea what to say...

The thing I always remember is that if I'm confident about asking, and I ask almost casually, then she'll be a lot less concerned with saying "yes." Just make sure that you're not visibly shaking; the few moments before you do it, take a few deep, deep breaths, and close your eyes. Try to slow your heartbeat down. Breathe. Relax your posture. Lean against something if you can.

Everything will work, trust me. :D

[Dib]

oh... yes... I see what's happening here... its the whole 'when dating cultures collide' thing... lol...

I'm gonna say culture cos I'm not really sure how else to put it... its effectively what you do where I live in secondary school... You dont technically need to ask someone if they wanna meet up at the weekend... you just ask them out as in 'Will you go out with me?' which means will you be my bf/gf? so you know... thats why its difficult... there's no inbetween... its just that one question...

EDIT: damn slow internet connection messing things up! cheers guys... I'll try out Ranis' idea and also whoever mentioned chocolate as well

[Closet_Skeleton]

She might have turned you down, but that's not a "loss"; yeah, it's a drag, but at least you know one person to stop wasting your time on.

Besides, you never know. In a few months, she might call you up and say, "Remember that letter you gave me...?" Or not.

And making a fool of yourself? Might as well get used to it, you're a human and will be doing it for the rest of your life.

She didn't turn me down. She got her dad to tell the school to tell me not to bother her again.

I should be more understanding since it's too close to the exams I guess.

[El Jaspero, the Pirate King]

She didn't turn me down. She got her dad to tell the school to tell me not to bother her again.

I should be more understanding since it's too close to the exams I guess.

Oof. Well, I think my advice holds the same, though with less of that "maybe she'll call you at some point" part. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.

[Vonriel]

You're sure she was the one who had her dad do it? Given the way my stepfather acts, I would not be surprised at all to hear he did the same to someone who was wanting to date my little sister. If she did.. well, yeah, you're only option is to just drop it and move on. If it was her dad, you still have to do the same, but at least you can feel better knowing that it was a highly overprotective father who was responsible.

[Midnight Son]

oh... yes... I see what's happening here... its the whole 'when dating cultures collide' thing... lol...

I'm gonna say culture cos I'm not really sure how else to put it... its effectively what you do where I live in secondary school... You dont technically need to ask someone if they wanna meet up at the weekend... you just ask them out as in 'Will you go out with me?' which means will you be my bf/gf? so you know... thats why its difficult... there's no inbetween... its just that one question...

EDIT: damn slow internet connection messing things up! cheers guys... I'll try out Ranis' idea and also whoever mentioned chocolate as well

Dude, if it's not a first date, what's the effin problem? You like her. You know she likes you. Again, it comes down to a question. If you're not sure what to say, see your own post. It's as easy as, "Will you go out with me?"

Relationships are complicated, folks. Gettin' into them?...not so much.

[Zeb The Troll]

Relationships are complicated, folks. Gettin' into them?...not so much.

I must be the exception that proves the rule then. My last relationship lasted seven years. I haven't had so much as a second date in the three since it ended, amicably, I might add.

[Midnight Son]

I must be the exception that proves the rule then. My last relationship lasted seven years. I haven't had so much as a second date in the three since it ended, amicably, I might add.

How many times have you asked the question I mentioned above. I'm not saying I've been stellar at it myself in recent years, but I did just fine for myself in my twenties. All it takes is asking that one question. If she says no, then what are you out? If she says yes, then you've gained. As my mother used to say, "You'll never catch any fish if your hook's not in the water." Of course, she always said it while we were out fishing and caught us messing around instead of fishing, but the point's still valid.

Edit: Just noticed you mentioned second dates. I'm talkin' about first ones. The second one is up to you, sorry. That's where the "relationships are complicated" part comes in.

[Bayushi Koji]

Dib, if it helps any.... I've found my 'asking out technique' has improved greatly since I started thinking of it as akin to taking off a plaster. There's an initila moment of doubt, the thought that maybe the situation will work itself out to your benefit on its own. Then a couple of seconds discomfort as you start followed by the relief of knowing an anwser is imminent.

I'm not saying its massively improved my success with getting into relationships... but thats partly because I have a set of standards about how I need to feel about them and veiw them, due to some really bad choices made in the past. And the last young lady who said yes I've seen once in the two months after, kept in resonable text contact with and now she's in parts, foreign for about 10 weeks.

In dating, victory is a sliding scale, and you need to work out how far your willing to slide.

[Zeb The Troll]

Edit: Just noticed you mentioned second dates. I'm talkin' about first ones. The second one is up to you, sorry. That's where the "relationships are complicated" part comes in.

Yeah, getting the date isn't the same as getting into a relationship. Once I'm in a relationship, I do okay.

[Vuzzmop]

Heavy stuff guys, I can't even get a girlfriend. Havn't really tried though. I'm only fifteen though, so plenty of time ay?

[Alarra]

Maybe it's cause I'm a girl, but i find getting into a relationship is a piece of cake.

[Vuzzmop]

not many chicks in the seventh dimension though, just a boys high school and a comic book shop. Just my luck.

[Vuzzmop]

Alara, your lucky. I have nil contact with the female of the species. All I have is my drama class, and no one would go out with me there. At least I think?

[Zeb The Troll]

Maybe it's cause I'm a girl, but i find getting into a relationship is a piece of cake.

I'm pretty sure that's true. Even in this thread, the majority of the men are looking for help getting started while most of the women are looking for help with their existing relationship. It's not proof positive, but it does support the notion.

[13_CBS]

Hmm, I have a serious question for you people here...

I've been dating this girl from basically the beginning of this school year (which is about 8-9 months) and we quite close to one another even before then.

However, today she told me "I'm calling no contact" (I had given her a light peck on the cheek earlier that morning and had gotten a negative reaction) after asking me, "we're leaving each other next year [and probably never see each other again], right?" This was after me asking her why she gave me a negative reaction that morning.

Has she just given me the "let's just be friends" speech?

[Vuzzmop]

yeah, I think she's just trying to save herself from heart break, I'm sure she's messed up about it to.

[Vuzzmop]

OK, my turn.

I have very little contact with girls and it's starting to get me down that everyone else has dated. I'm only fifteen and I know that it doesn't really matter, but I'd like to try it out. Any tips?

[Logic]

I will be the world's biggest hypocrite, since I find myself incapable of following my own advice.

Be confidant, not arrogant.
Be honest, but not painfully so.
Be open to communication, not stubborn.

[Bayushi Koji]

Vuzzmop, the best advice I've EVER been given on dating (or rather, how to get one) was by a female freind. Go to places you enjoy. If you don't like clubbing, hate coffee shops and can't STAND fashion, night clubs, coffee shops and clothe's shops are REALLY bad places to look for a date because even if she says yes, the chance's you'll have a lot in common are SLIM.

As for the odd 'guys looking to get into relationships, girls looking for advice on their relationships' thing.... I know for me a large part of it is where I live. Oxfordshire (the original, UK one) has a much higher male to femal population ratio. I think a big part of this is to do with the uni and the local research facilities, which tend to have a very male presence in the city (talking to freinds at uni, its clear most of their lecturers are men, same goes for all the labs, pretty much all you seem of them is men in white coats).
There fore single women are a 'rare commoditity' with out trying to be to sexist, and tend to have a number of men they can pick and choose from.
It would be interesting to hear from women who live in places where they out number the men.

[Vuzzmop]

Thanks man, good tips.

Also, anyone wanting to share their feelings, go to my thread, "vuzzmop is lonely, how are you feeling?" and vent to your hearts content

[Vuzzmop]

Hey Bayushi, they say that NZ is going through a man drought, if your looking for eligible bachalorettes, look no further.