Relationship Woes and Advice

[Vuzzmop]

Is there anyone else in this thread from the land of the long white cloud? I'd like to know if there is anyone in my timezone.

[Bayushi Koji]

Vuzz.... thank you for the tip. Unfourtantly my problem isn't so much in finding the lady.... as in having found her, can I be the brave, dashing warrior-philospher worthy of her hand. Do I have strength of will enough to help move the world to match her vision of it.
I do want to got to NZ, mainly because its the home of some cool circy skills.

[Vuzzmop]

"circy"? do you mean circus?

[Vuzzmop]

Your lucky to have a girlfriend worthy of said reality changing and world moving, good luck with that.

[Glaivemaster]

I hate to pick you up on this Vuzzmop, but it's starting to bug me. If you have something more to say, and nobody else has posted since you, you can edit your post to include it, instead of making multiple posts in a row

As for finding girls: At 15, even if you think it's worth getting a girl, you still have plenty of time. Don't worry about it, you'll find someone

[13_CBS]

I appreciate Vuzzmop's advice, but will no one else advise me as well?

[Vuzzmop]

thanks for both the tips glaivebro, I'm kinda new to this forum thing.

Also, I agree with you, 15 is a bit young, but it just bugs me that everyone else around me has dated at least once, you know?

[Vuzzmop]

Everyone with an opinion should help out 13 cbs, always time for a friend in need right?

also, how do I edit posts?

thank you, hey look, I did it!

[13_CBS]

The edit button is on the bottom right hand side of your message that is posted, next to the things like Quote and stuff.

[Vuzzmop]

I'm going to bed now, it's 10:50 pm over here

Good night

[Vampiric]

@Vuzzmop: Where's the land of the long white cloud? I'm in the UK. I got bugged at Secondary School that almost everyone in my year had dated, but not me (although I was perhaps the least popular guy in my year). Then, not one week into college, I found the girl who I am with now, who I have been with 1 year 8 months. Like Guinness - 'Good things come to those who wait' (even if they are impatient.)

[Bayushi Koji]

Vuzz, she's not my girl friend... were not even really seeing each other... she's just some one amazing I've had the fortune to meet.

Vamp, *high 5* from one 'das uber geek' at secondary school to another, nice one Bru'va... I said nice one Bru'va. Have you had the same enjoyable experince I had recently when I realised that the nice people from my year have done well, the a holes have sayed stuck at 15 in their mentality and every one else is about as lost as you are?

BTW vamp A) what part of our fair land are you from? I'm Oxford based. B) have you heard the Lancashire Hotpots yet? V good, if only for 'Lancashire DJ'.

[darkblade]

Right now I've got myself in a situation that despite many a protest from people in th real world seems utterly pointless to contiune. I was hoping for some reasonably unbiased opions. I'm a 16 year old guy in the middle of nowhere Canada. I recently developed feelings for this girl who I have been good friends with for the better part of the two years I've known her. I asked her out a few months ago to no actual response, just an akward bus ride home and going back to being friends the next day. An almost friend of mine has also been pursuing her solely for her body (he is rapidly losing his friend satus). Right now she is in France on exchange and I was hoping my feelings would die down but they only got stronger. I know she doesn't see me as anything more than a friend and likely never will but I can't bring myself to give up and move on. Is this pointless?

Okay well she's back this Wednesday last call for any possible advice thanks.
(If you already gave me advice please refrian from repeing it. It has been noted and considered carefully. I just want as many veiws as possible so I have lots of people to blame if I do something stupid more options to mentally debate.)

[Vampiric]

From Hampshire. Yeah, pretty much, most of the hot girls became emo/chav and everyone else degraded themselves or got a lot better. Lancashire Hotpots is a band, right? No, I haven't I'm afraid. Anyhoo. *drags thread back on track*

@Darkblade: I would say that you should talk to her about the day you've mentioned to us, and say that your feelings have got stronger when you thought they would go away. Explain it clearly, try not to act nervous, even if you are (don't fidget, deep breaths, you know the drill.). If you do, then say you understand if she doesn't want to go out with you, but you would like her to seriously consider it. If she says no, then say you would like to stay close friends, because you care for her. If that's true, obviously. If it's not, then don't lie. Lying, in my experience (of my friends' relationships, because I had none of my own), is the quickest way to lose a friend, never mind someone you might be in love with...

[Bayushi Koji]

I'd tweak Vamps advise EVER so slightly, if thats alright with you Vamp? *Cheeks there is no swarm of demon bats heading his way* Right. I'd try to arrange to mee up with her, chill out for an evening and if you find that actually being around her you feel the same, that there is no discrepancies, etc in your idealised memories and how she actually acts..... tell her at the end of the evening you care for her deeply. Don't ask her out, don't say '... but you don't dig me, so I'll try real hard to be just freinds with you'.... judge what you say after that based on her responces. A

Also... something worth contemplating, if she really isn't interested in you, consider if you can stand to be as close a freind to her as you are/were. I've tried to be close freinds with some ex's and it's never been fun, easy or like you would imagine. It's often to fresh and raw to proccess shortly after the event. Let your appetite come back and then see whats going on.

[Ranis]

Hmm, I have a serious question for you people here...

I've been dating this girl from basically the beginning of this school year (which is about 8-9 months) and we quite close to one another even before then.

However, today she told me "I'm calling no contact" (I had given her a light peck on the cheek earlier that morning and had gotten a negative reaction) after asking me, "we're leaving each other next year [and probably never see each other again], right?" This was after me asking her why she gave me a negative reaction that morning.

Has she just given me the "let's just be friends" speech?

You've dated a girl for 8 months and never touched her? How do you do it, man? I mean, was there no hugging going on? Good lord.

Anyway, I think it's a bit strange that she would be with you at all if she thinks the 'relationship' is doomed next year. Can you explain things a bit more?

[Vonriel]

13_CBS, it sounds like she may be dating you just to be able to say she's dating someone. I don't know if this is actually the case, but I'd at least sit down and talk with her to make sure. It could also be that she really likes you, but doesn't want to grow too attached if she (I'm assuming, here) doesn't think she'll be seeing you again once you two go off to college. Again, this is just an assumption. Anyway, it'd probably be best if you did talk this over with her to make sure.

Darkblade, I don't believe I've said anything about this yet, so here's my take on it. I guess it's pretty much what everyone else has said, with a bit thrown in from my own experience. First off, you have to be honest with her. Like Vampiric said, let her know how you feel about her in no uncertain terms. Once that's out, gauge her response. I once was told, expect the worst but hope for the best. That's going to be true here, too: expect her to turn you down, and you won't be as disappointed when things turn out badly. It won't be fun, certainly, but it won't be as bad as if you had told her while thinking she'd say she reciprocated the feelings. And ask her for a reason, if she says no. It won't help you if it's just left at 'I just don't want to' or 'I can't see myself with you', for many reasons that I won't get into here. I know when something similar happened to me, it really helped to know why, and to be able to say so to myself every time I thought about this person. My last bit of advice, think hard before you answer whether or not you can stay her friend. Remember, you're still being honest with her. If you know that you'll let your feelings for her get in the way of whatever support you could give her as a friend, tell her so. And don't go into the friendship thinking that maybe someday she'll change her mind, because chances are good she won't. That last bit comes from knowing a guy who liked a girl, was turned down, then proceeded to be her friend for years, all the time trying to get her to change her mind. She didn't, and he wound up spending a ton of money on her during the process. So anyway, that's my take on the matter. Good luck, man.

[Vampiric]

Hey, my bats are on holiday. no worries. It is, after all, an advice thread, and variations on each others thoughts are basically what happens anyway. Glad you wanted to use it!

[Bayushi Koji]

I'm glad of that. Our old cat managed to bag a few bat's in her time, not so sure my sis's little mad moggy's upto the job.

13_CBS have you actually talked to your other half about what you want to do relationshipwise next year? Only reason I ask is I've seen a couple of situations where both parties didn't talk about it, assuming the other felt almost exactly the same.... it came to the last few months and when they finally did talk....... it wasn't pretty.

[13_CBS]

Hmm...I did talk to her today, and indeed we are to stay friends.

It seems like Vonriel was right: she felt that the relationship would inevitably come to an end, so she decided to call it quits before it turned into a tearfest. She's the antisocial, quiet and nerdy type, so I'm 99% sure she didn't date me for social reasons.

Why was she with me at all in the first place? Good question. As far as I know, this was her first relationship ('twas the same for me too), so perhaps she didn't think about its inevitable ending when we first started dating; I certainly didn't.

Oh, and we did touch each other, but it was mostly goodbye hugs ("Have fun in your next class!" / "See you tomorrow!"). Neither of us are particularly intimate people (that is, until I stepped it up a notch with the peck on the cheek; she told me later that this surprised her). So other than the beforementioned hugging, we didn't do much else in terms of intimacy (holding hands, kissing, etc. In terms of "relationship baseball", I don't think I ever got to first base).

She told me that the breakup was neither of our faults, and that I treated her extremely well during the year. I find this both relieving and disheartening at the same time; relieving because she doesn't hate me, disheartening because it meant that had we continued the relationship, we could have had so much more.

Ah well. Perhaps she'll get a new boyfriend at the summer camp she's going to (God knows the hormones there run wild, despite it being a physics camp for "nerds" XD). She deserves a better one anyway.

[WingedCheetah]

thanks for the advice :-)

I had a date a couple weeks ago and besides the introductory handshake (we'd met online, originally) there was no contact. I was afraid that if I brushed his hand or touched his shoulder or something I'd ... yeah. that and when we were talking about where to meet, he suggested his house, which kind of unnerved me.

I know it's not a matter of 'where' to meet men, they're everywhere! (escpecially at 24 hour grocery stores at midnight, I've discovered) it's more what to do once you've got their attention that I was stymied.

Thanks again :-)

[Ranis]

Bad news on my side. The girl I talked to told me that she's got a 'thing' with one of her mates at work.

So, that leaves me up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. Anyone got any helpful advice?

[Fualkner Asiniti]

Bad news on my side. The girl I talked to told me that she's got a 'thing' with one of her mates at work.

So, that leaves me up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. Anyone got any helpful advice?

Ouch. Burned with an iron heated by love. Let me tell you, got a lot of those marks. Here is my advice:

1. Wake up tomorrow.
2. Work hard.
3. Have a great time with your friends.
4. Sleep.
5. Repeat.

It's gonna heal up just fine like that.


Anyway, I've got my own little woe. I like this girl. Known her for... 6 years now? I'm finally going to tell her I like her tomorrow. My question is:

Does this action feel like a suicide mission to everyone? Or is it just me?

[Vuzzmop]

No way man, tell her how you feel, and it'll all be sweet as, do you think she has suspicions, it might help, trust me.

[Bayushi Koji]

Faulkner, if it helps at all..... the mental image I always try and fix in my mind is of the viking berzerker of love, standing in front of a huge hostile force abd leaping headlong into them, both weapons going.
Why that image? Because usually you have NO idea wether telling a girl you like her is going to work out well for you, but confidence and not caring if she says no can ususally improve your chances.

WingedCheetah, that guy sounds a little creepy, esp if his house was one of the first choices for a meet. As for what to do once you've got a guys attention, are you meaning on the date, or to do as a date?

[Vampiric]

Faulkner, if anything, you should have said it ages ago! 6 years?! jeez. That is some period of time to wait. But yeah, go for it!

[ArchiviesTheQua]

Absolutly go for it, Fualkner. Since she's known you for 6 years, I highly doubt anything will go bad. If it doesn't work out, you may think you'll be on a suicide mission, but you'll get over it soon. Win:Win.
Best of luck!

[WingedCheetah]

WingedCheetah, that guy sounds a little creepy, esp if his house was one of the first choices for a meet. As for what to do once you've got a guys attention, are you meaning on the date, or to do as a date?

On the date :-) I can be pretty creative about what to do :-D

Anyone into dream analysis? I dreamt I was hanging out with a couple guys and a girl and at one point the guys ended up naked. There were no sexual overtones, we were all just hanging out, and they both just happened to suddenly have no clothes on. Anyone know what that could possibly mean??? I feel like it has something to do with me and relationships, my guess would be that guys feel comfortable around me, but I'd like a second opinoin, and my dream analysis book doesn't touch on other people being nude.

[Fualkner Asiniti]

Thanks for all the help guys, I'm definetly going to tell her. We grew up together, so that's why I've known her so long and I only started getting feelings recently. Hopefully we will be able to stay friends if she doesn't feel the same way.

[Bayushi Koji]

Fualkner, I'd kinda guessed that was the case, but didn't want to make an assumption (I'm fairly sure I'm an ass most of the time, but you seem like a nice enough guy, arf arf, that joke is so lame, I know). In that case.. I might even suggest presenting it as just part of your freindly chatting. Just a whole case of 'You know were mates? Well, I think you kick ass, like, more than a friend'. Don't make a big deal of it, just let her know how you feel... almost as if you were coming to her with a problem.

Cheetah, on the date? Thats REALLY easy. Have fun. Simple as. Have a clear line of things you won't do, and if its a guy you've met on-line I'd recomend having a trusted freind know exactly what your plans are and have pre-arranged contact times that if you miss, send up a red flag with them.

I know that advise is probably pretty redundant, but I used to be the contact person for one of my ex's after we broke up (before I managed to get out of the weird headspace she put me in), and its the one time I almost didn't out of apathy that she needed it. Luckly the guy was just boring her.... but still.