Social Skills Training?

[Kalmageddon]

I've recently started a new job. It's in a luxury hotel, THE luxury hotel, I could say. Literally if someone important or famous is coming to my city, I'm going to greet them and carry their luggage. And considering I live in a pretty famous city...
Point being, it's expected that we provide the best service possibile, starting with manners and friendliness. And this is where things get complicated. While I am by no means rude or impolite or unwelcoming, I simply see that many other colleagues can do better than me. The problem is, while I can be very persuasive and have excellent manners when spoken to or when I'm really into the conversation, I am not used to initiate the conversation. If I have to greet someone, I struggle to find the appropriate words. Smiling at will is another problem, I don't have the kind of face that is well suited to smiling and it's something I rarely do. Making jokes or casual conversation to make the guest feel welcome is another thing I really, really struggle with. I'm one of those people that find a moment of silence more appreciable than constant bantering and having to find something to say.

The problem is that I've always been used to being myself and act the way I feel and my social skills never developed beyond that. You could say I'm shy, except I think it's more a problem with not really having an instinct for conversation.
I would really like to give my best at this job, to give our guests the best possibile treatment but right now I don't know if simple practice will do, mainly because when I do get to practice my social skills, it's in stressful and high-risk conditions so I often opt for the safest option, which leads me to not improve much.

I wonder, are these kind of skills something you can learn? Train? And how would I go on about that? And kind of advice is really appreciated.

[Winter_Wolf]

Mirror time. I kid you not, practicing on front of the mirror will really help you out. Practice facial expressions, notice the way your face looks when you move certain muscles, notice the muscles you didn't know you had when they get sore from trying to nail a certain expression just so. See what your 'paying attention face' looks like and decide if it's projecting the kind of image you want it to.

small talk is kind of tricky for me. But if you know that someone is coming or if that person is a regular, maybe find out what their interests are so you can talk a little about that? I dunno, I'm self employed and have decades of chatting up vendors so I can pretty much just get away with being my blunt self. Do these people really want chatty staff, and what's too much talk? I don't know about you but I have had some really verbose service staff in the past and it was kind of off putting. I expect you're doing this already, but if there's someone who's really good at what you're going for, just try and notice how they interact with guests when you can.

i probably should point out that faking interest in things and lying to people comes really easily to me, so I try not to engage in it because I don't want to go full on sociopath when compassion fatigue kicks in. It's a thing and it will kill any kind of customer service roles so probably worth looking into a little and finding your own awesome stress destroyer so it won't eat you up.

[Fragenstein]

... I'm guessing the Hotel Hassler, Rome. But that's just a guess.

If we're talking that upscale, seriously look into training programs. I'm sure that they have one. If not, someone on the concierge level of supervision should be able to point to one in-town.

Charm School, Kal. That level of interaction can't always be perfected through self-study.

[valadil]

I've been doing some of that but on a smaller scope. I volunteered to help out with interviewing at work. There's some greeting and hosting and chit chat thrown in there.

First off, practice makes perfect. And if you're in this role for more than a week you'll get some practice. I'm not saying you have to go to a bar and grind your social skills up with some strangers. Keep showing up for work and practice will come to you and you'll get better.

Second point is to watch your coworkers. Find the coworker who you think does this best and watch his or her mannerisms. Try them out.

During phone screens, one of our guys always leads with something like "hey $name, how are you doing." It lets the candidate take a breather instead of getting question after question. I tried this out too and kinda liked it. It didn't just signal to the candidate that we were taking a conversational tone, it signaled that to ME. If I make the first move in the conversation I get to set the tone and go from there. I liked that and kept it.

OTOH, the same person also sometimes interrupts candidates. He wants to see how gracefully they deal with that and if he can derail them. I haven't tried this out. I told myself to, but it just doesn't feel like something I'd do. The point is, borrow what you can and see what works. Not all of it will, but the stuff that does, you might like.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Make a standard greeting. Something to open with that you say to every person you help
Think of it as your catchphrase and practice it.

Think of every person as someone you love. Your best friend always make you laugh?
The old dude you're helping check in or whatever is him in like fifty years.
Another lady might be your mom.
Smile accordingly.

Consider the people who you're helping are probably tired, possibly irritated. Hotels are the end of traveling distances, and nobody feels full of energy after getting off a plane or a bus or out of a taxi.
Be considerate- think of this as your mission to make them as comfortable as possible so they can tuck into their room as easily as possible.

Some people would like to be talked to, asked simple questions (where are you from, are you here for business or pleasure, etc) some just want a "how are you".
That's where your standard greeting comes in- how did they react? Gauge whether they're talkers or not.

Customer service is an art and it takes practice to feel out- what's right for one customer is not always right for another, and their moods can change what kind of care they need.
The biggest thing to remember is that some people are just rude and nothing you do will be correct for them.
Do your best, but don't beat yourself up over these inevitable failures.

Good luck!

[veti]

Practise, practise, practise.

My mother had a gift - she could talk to anyone, anytime, about anything. It took me a long time to realise that she cultivated this gift by talking to everyone she met. Neighbours, shop attendants, taxi drivers, random people she happened to stand next to in a queue or at a railing... She'd make some random remark about whatever was going on, and within five minutes she'd have a decent grasp of their life story, family and very likely medical history. It was quite embarrassing, sometimes, to be near. But the benefit was that she could make friends, more or less at will, with everyone from, quite literally, beggars to royalty.

The trick to starting a conversation is to work out what you and the other person have in common. If the weather is in any way remarkable, that works. To someone who's just arrived from the airport, you could talk about the traffic in your city, and from there it's a natural segue to "going anywhere special? Oh, right, I know that place. Do you know..."

So practise on random strangers. People you just happen to find yourself sitting or standing beside, for whatever reason. If they get offended? No big deal, be as apologetic as necessary and walk away. It's all practise.

[Jay R]

Ideally, you want to be in a job in which you can see many other colleagues who can do better than you, and in which you get lots of pract6ice, all day long every day.

In short, you are ideally situated to learn these skills, and it's perfectly normal that you aren't as good at your new job as other people who've been doing it for a long time.

[Balain]

I'll be a little facetious, if you are working at THE hotel remember the more you smile the higher the chance of one of those huge tips.

More seriously, you don't have to be smiling all the time and be grat at small talk. Greet them politely, a simple "hello Sir" works great. Include something like, "is thes all of your lugage, or is there more I can help you with?". When done, "I hope you have a good stay, my name is Joe......"

[blunk]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here, so I'll point out one new thing:

I simply see that many other colleagues can do better than me. ... Making jokes or casual conversation to make the guest feel welcome is another thing I really, really struggle with. ... I wonder, are these kind of skills something you can learn? Train? And how would I go on about that?

Jokes and casual conversation in particular are skills you can pick up from others. Watch the colleagues who you most respect in this aspect, and pay attention to the form of their interactions. You'll probably find that they have certain "go-to" techniques that you can imitate and adapt.

Some will work better for you than others - if you try to get inspired by a goofball co-worker and find out that you're just not that "random", look for one with a dry wit. Or whatever. Just keep watching and figuring out how they're doing what they're doing.

[Brother Oni]

... I'm guessing the Hotel Hassler, Rome. But that's just a guess.

I think Kalmageddon lives in Venice.

[Killer Angel]

I think Kalmageddon lives in Venice.

exactly.
Well, it's not that Venice is lacking of luxury hotels: San Clemente Palace, the Gritti Palace, Hotel Cipriani...