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  1. - Top - End - #1441
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Cozzer's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Italy
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    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    The biggest thing right now is just finding the motivation and energy to put together a reasonably ordered life. I don't think this is a huge depression problem, given the scope. I'm managing work ok, but here's what I want to accomplish otherwise:
    - some form of exercise, approx 30min/day
    - some time spent on prayer/meditation, also approx 30min/day
    - a reasonable amount of housework/cooking/other general life maintenance
    - some time learning programming and job skills
    - taking care of necessities such as medical appointments, financial issues, and so forth quickly
    - some time putting together maps and planning for D&D
    What I would suggest is taking a single one of these points (possibly the exercise or meditation, since they're the most concrete and easier to turn into a schedule) and implement it. For example, look at your schedule, fit half an hour of exercise each day and then do it. That half an hour is temporarily your number one life priority.

    Then, after that half an hour has become an habit (it will probably take more than a month) that you do effortlessly as part of your daily routine, you move on to another step.

    That doesn't mean you shouldn't, for example, spend time putting together maps for D&D or studying a programming language. It just means that a single one of these points should become your number one priority until it has turned into second nature.

    That's what worked for me, at least, when I had to turn things I didn't have much motivation for into habits.

    I'm over 40 and my life is not together - at least, not together in a lot of important ways...
    From your post, I'm getting a sort of "I already decided in my heart and just need people to give me permission" vibe... which is not a bad thing! It's perfectly natural to feel unsure, when facing such a big crossroads.

    I don't know, from what you said I would advise you to go for it. It feels like you really need to shake your life, and when you change a single big thing then it's way easier to change other things too. You would basically reinvent yourself, and would at least have a few friends to start building a new social circle. It would be an adventure, and we all need adventures sometimes.

    Of course, you should carefully consider the things you'd be leaving behind, and whether you really want to leave them behind for an unknown future. And be ready to face the consequences of the risks you'd be taking.

    I don't know, I'm not you so I can't really advise you about the choice between doing it and not doing it. It really depends on what you're really feeling, under all the careful considerations and calculations. There are people who are happier doing a "low-end" job with a lot of free times than with big careers, and people who are the opposite. What I can say it, if you do decide it's what you really want, then go ahead and do it with the spirit of starting (almost) everything from scratch.

  2. - Top - End - #1442
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    My biggest problem is that I seem to be impervious to most every memory trick. I don't remember to do things. Alarms go off and I don't notice, unless they're really loud in which case I annoy everyone else. I don't keep my phone on my person when in the house, so phone reminders don't get noticed. Plus I have to mute it for work/church and I will never remember to unmute it. Objects or notes left somewhere as reminders get moved without my even really noticing their presence. Lists get lost, or if they're posted in a regular place I simply tune them out subconsciously. In short, pretty much every trick I know to try to remember to do something, I simply don't notice enough for it to actually work.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  3. - Top - End - #1443
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

    Join Date
    Feb 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
    My biggest problem is that I seem to be impervious to most every memory trick. I don't remember to do things. Alarms go off and I don't notice, unless they're really loud in which case I annoy everyone else. I don't keep my phone on my person when in the house, so phone reminders don't get noticed. Plus I have to mute it for work/church and I will never remember to unmute it. Objects or notes left somewhere as reminders get moved without my even really noticing their presence. Lists get lost, or if they're posted in a regular place I simply tune them out subconsciously. In short, pretty much every trick I know to try to remember to do something, I simply don't notice enough for it to actually work.
    Schedule your new thing on an event basis instead of a time basis. Right after one event that you always do, you do your new thing. So when you get up in the morning or take a lunch or get home from work, do your workout or meditation then. Before you go to bed is probably a good time for meditation, after you get up is probably a good time to work out as long as you get up early enough.

    You have the tools to do this- you made it through school, you've held down a job, right? You just need to assign your new thing a level of importance on par with those other life-critical activities. It sounds extreme, but the whole point is to change your life. So, use the steps you take when you need to make an unavoidable life change.
    This signature is no longer incredibly out of date, but it is still irrelevant.

  4. - Top - End - #1444
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    Schedule your new thing on an event basis instead of a time basis. Right after one event that you always do, you do your new thing. So when you get up in the morning or take a lunch or get home from work, do your workout or meditation then. Before you go to bed is probably a good time for meditation, after you get up is probably a good time to work out as long as you get up early enough.

    You have the tools to do this- you made it through school, you've held down a job, right? You just need to assign your new thing a level of importance on par with those other life-critical activities. It sounds extreme, but the whole point is to change your life. So, use the steps you take when you need to make an unavoidable life change.
    I think my problem is I don't really know how I did that, I just sort of did that and it worked. When I'm dealing with work or school, I don't make any sort of effort towards remembering what I'm doing, I just remember it.
    But then sometimes it doesn't work, and I don't really know what the difference is. I've been told the difference is something about how much I care about different things, but I never really figured out how to fix that.

    It's always just been something that...mostly worked when I needed it, but sometimes it didn't and I just take the consequences of when it doesn't and move on and hope it works better the next time. I realize that's not really a good way to go about it, but - like, I can sit there and think "this is really really important, I have to remember it" - but it usually has no discernible effect on whether I actually remember.
    Last edited by WarKitty; 2017-07-24 at 03:09 PM.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  5. - Top - End - #1445
    Troll in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

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    Apr 2013
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    Uusimaa

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Spoiler: would appreciate responses in either pm or hidden in spoilers
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    My close friend has just been diagnosed with a large brain tumour whilst on a holiday abroad. They're trying to get her in shape so she can travel safely back home.

    I feel like a total mess
    Quote Originally Posted by LaZodiac
    aah yes, alligators
    the most anime of creatures
    ~Extended Signature~

  6. - Top - End - #1446
    Ettin in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Spoiler: would appreciate responses in either pm or hidden in spoilers
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    My close friend has just been diagnosed with a large brain tumour whilst on a holiday abroad. They're trying to get her in shape so she can travel safely back home.

    I feel like a total mess
    Spoiler
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    It's always hard when a friend goes through something like that. And being a mess is totally normal. I don't really have anything brilliant to say, just that I'm sorry.
    Hail to the Lord of Death and Destruction!
    CATNIP FOR THE CAT GOD! YARN FOR THE YARN THRONE! MILK FOR THE MILK BOWL!

  7. - Top - End - #1447
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Sep 2011
    Location
    South of Heaven

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
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    Why? Have you somehow caused it?
    Seriously, dude?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay R View Post
    : THOG NOW SCHRÖDINGER's ORC!
    Quote Originally Posted by skim172 View Post
    If you ever see Hitler riding a T-Rex in your direction - you, my friend, are a very unlucky person.
    Quote Originally Posted by noparlpf View Post
    "Ooh. Did you bring a biology textbook with you? No? Sorry, nothing personal." And then I dissect them.

  8. - Top - End - #1448
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

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    May 2007
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by The Eye View Post
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    Why? Have you somehow caused it?
    All hail Smutmulch for crafting my avatar!
    Quote Originally Posted by kpenguin View Post
    Cursed zombies are more realistic.
    Spoiler: siggatar and previous avatars.
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    the Badass Monkby Avi. Aktarus by Chd. Dehro by Wojiz


  9. - Top - End - #1449
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    France
    Gender
    Intersex

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Spoiler: @The Eye
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    Because it's hard to know your close friend could use your help, support and/or presence and they're halfway across the world and there is nothing you can do.
    I'm guessing you were trying to say "it's not your fault" or something, but you phrased it pretty badly. Badly enough that I'm not quoting that.


    Spoiler: @FinLassie
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    Ouch! Sending all the good vibes and feelings I can your way, and I hope she can travel quickly so you can be at her side. I'm sure she'll be happy to have you. In the meantime, try to pamper yourself if that helps a bit? I wish her and you the best!

  10. - Top - End - #1450
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Jun 2010
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    Male

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    HEAR YE HEAR YE

    A new thread must be forged from the pixel forge!

    This has been a TechnOkami moment.
    I've started streaming again.


    78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.

    I started my first campaign outside of an abandoned mine, just as soon as a meteor storm from the moon hits.

  11. - Top - End - #1451

    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by TechnOkami View Post
    HEAR YE HEAR YE

    A new thread must be forged from the pixel forge!

    This has been a TechnOkami moment.
    I have made one.

    Personal Woes and Advice 5

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