Personal Woes and Advice 4

[Florian]

Changing the way I go about it will lead to certain failure, just like every other time. Most of my art is very lucky to even reach the point of me posting it online. Half of it never even gets closed to finished before being scrapped.

What delights me is the approval I get when people, for some reason, enjoy my end results. Most of the time it doesn't happen though, so it ends up being nothing more than a waste of my time.

Having a bit of a down mood right now?

[Skeppio]

Having a bit of a down mood right now?

It's called "alive", and it's the worst mood I can experience.

[Cyber Punk]

I think my depression/schizophrenia meds have stopped working. What do I do, short of getting new meds?

To elaborate, I quit my meds at the beginning of the year because I didn't want to have to rely on medication to function. As a result, let's just say that this year has been hell for me.

I resumed taking them last month, and I started seeing improvements, but then all of a sudden, taking them seems to be having no effect.

Help?

[FinnLassie]

I think my depression/schizophrenia meds have stopped working. What do I do, short of getting new meds?

To elaborate, I quit my meds at the beginning of the year because I didn't want to have to rely on medication to function. As a result, let's just say that this year has been hell for me.

I resumed taking them last month, and I started seeing improvements, but then all of a sudden, taking them seems to be having no effect.

Help?

Contact your doctor ASAP.

[Cyber Punk]

Contact your doctor ASAP.

Wait. What if I just up the dosage a tiny bit? Say, maybe double the dosage?

[Glass Mouse]

Hm. I have been feeling depressed lately, and I wanted to post something.

I have a great deal of flaws that form patterns of behavior with negative outcomes
Repeatably due to sloth I under perform in school. Below the potential perceived by my family.
I spend money on things that I don't really need, (games mostly) and the money is from savings meant for education.
I overeat and continue to gain weight, I regularly eat sweets I know I shouldn't.
My interactions with others always seem awkward to me.
It seems often that the main peers I interact with are ones I find attractive.
Despite lack of interest I still want to ask one of my friends out on a date and maintain a strong crush for them.
I have at least once spoiled a potential friendship through vast stupidity.

Why should I not hate myself?

Almost everyone underperform in some area of their life. Why can you not motivate yourself? Are you in the right place in your life? Would you be happier doing something else that might motivate you more? Is this the right place, but you're missing a crucial component (praise, being part of a team, appropriate-level challenges, academic autonomy, etc.)? Are there any ways you could create those opportunities for yourself?

People are allowed to treat themselves. This "poor people should SUFFER!" idea is bollocks. The occasional game or good meal or whatever is sometimes what helps keep us sane, and it hurts no one as long as we don't go overboard and jepordize our livelihood.

Overeating sucks, and sugar-induced weight gain sucks. You are essentially self-medicating with a happy drug (sugar) to compensate for feeling bored or sad or unworthy. This problem is a symptom, my friend, not a core issue.

I am sure there a mythical few people who experience no awkwardness but most of us feel it. The ones who make it seem effortless are just good at powering through and not letting the awkwardness stick. Feeling awkward is most definitely not some big, moral failing. It's just a consequence of being a human interacting with other humans. The problem only comes if you feel awkwardness strongly enough to let it cripple your social interactions.

Why do you only interact with attractive people? This is the one thing on the list that caused a record scratch in my mind because it worries me a little. It is not clear if you avoid people with other traits, or if your friend/study environment just so happens to contain a lot of attractive people.

Ah, the unrequited crush. Those are always fun. And everyone has or has had one of those. That doesn't reflect on your character at all. Consider dialing back from that person, and try to stick your toe in the waters of dating someone else. It helps.

Everyone has ruined friendships due to immaturity, stupidity, stress, or whatever the reason. I recommend that instead of hating yourself, you learn from the experience and avoid repeating the mistake. That's what life is. That's what being human is. I have ruined frienships. I have been hurt deeply by friends acting out of stupidity, and we have patched things up. I have had friendships ruined by people who I have since met and concluded to be fine people (though without any desire to pick the friendship back up). It happens.

Basically, I don't see an unhateable human being. I see someone who is in a bad patch of missing something in his life, or who is just in the wrong place. You're employing so many, very human defense mechanisms, and your brainweasels are running amok about things that are, frankly, not a big deal. That sucks. It hurts, I get that. But I think you are making mountains out of molehills.

But just in case I'm wrong, I also think you should read up on depression. Make take a test like the Goldberg one. You may just be in a bad patch, that's possible, but some of your things also ping my depression radar, so I figured I'd mention it. If you're feeling really low, it might be worth it to find someone to help you develop tools to identify and fix the problem(s).

Good luck, and much sympathy and many hugs.

Oftentimes I can't help but feel like I'm occupying space that somebody else deserves more than I do. I always seem to mess things up, intrude on other peoples' lives, make things worse around me. I guess even an idiot deserves to exist, but not if their idiocy keeps infringing on everybody around them.

I know that feeling. For me, it ties heavily into Imposter Syndrome which I have up the wazoo.

It's your emotions lying to you. It has nothing to do with objective reality or calculations, and everything to do with your brain already believing that you are worth less than others, and then inventing reasons to perpetuate that lie. No one has perfect clarity or insight, and believing that you know best about whose time and words are most worthy is equal parts narcissism and unfounded self-hatred.

Of course you deserve time, space and love as much as anyone does. By virtue of being human, you deserve happiness and existence (we have constitutions written about this), and you only achieve those by infringing on other people. They infringe on you all the time, as well. Don't fall for the lie that you deserve this less than other people.


ETA:

Wait. What if I just up the dosage a tiny bit? Say, maybe double the dosage?

CALL YOUR DOCTOR. Please please please don't tamper with your meds or your mental health without professional consultation.

[Cyber Punk]

My mental health is already ****ed, what's a little more?

But I respect you, Glass Mouse, so I'll do as you say.

[Iruka]

Wait. What if I just up the dosage a tiny bit? Say, maybe double the dosage?

NO! Nononononononono! Never ever self-medicate! Especially not with fickly stuff like depression meds.

[FinnLassie]

I would really, absolutely recommend contacting your doctor before doing anything yourself, as they are the professionals who have prescribed the medication in the first place. I quit taking my meds by myself when I was 17 without consulting a doctor, and honestly in retrospect it has been one of the stupidest things I've done to myself.

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff: A handful of posts were removed from this thread. Please keep it civil and forum appropriate in here.

[Icewraith]

Since it's so easy to get down this time of year, I'd just like to remind everyone that things can always get better if you're willing to work for it, and if your brain disagrees instead of doing something harmful you should get help.

Self destructive acts ALWAYS cause far more hurt than sticking it out, getting help, and getting your brain back in balance. Never forget this.

In personal news I actually have an appointment next friday with a therapist who specializes in treating PTSD. I probably won't be elaborating much more on the subject because I think I get flashbacks more often when I do so. Hopefully I get to the point where that is no longer the case.

[Cyber Punk]

I agree, Icewraith. Looking back, I am more than a little scared at my actions and feelings the day I decided to taste a bit (or a lot) of the AirWick air freshener on my table. I like to think I've come quite far from 3 years ago where most of my time online was spent researching ways to kill myself.

So, I'm working to try and make things better, get myself out of the house, using my brother-in-law as an accountability partner. Let me tell you: it pays to have one of those: someone you can be accountable to.

[Florian]

Tja, the whole depression thing turns your view only inward and ever more inward.
You forget that there is an outside world that cares, even if your personal standard of "care" don't even accept that anymore.

Me, I'm too narcistist to have thought about suicide then and even now. If you don't have that streak, tough luck then, please develop it.
And no, stuff like "They threw it at me, I survived" is wrong, too. Other people suffer thru that [manure] on a regular basis and don't go monkey about it.

Seriously, I don't have an effing clue how to phrase it right now. Me, I'm a guy who wanted to have a stable core family, kids and so on, be a good employee and all that.
Well, I have lost all of that. Lost my familiy and my home, moved from couch surfing to the bridge, even dropping out of social wellfare. Lost it all.
Moved from small scale freelancing to real freelancing, scoured some good consultant jobs, mainly because of sheer ego, and ended up with my own small-scale craft beer brewery.

Some times, I indulge myself. I allow myself to see and experience the darkness others don't have to face.

Truth simply is, others don't have to face that, and that is that, end of story. Some days I like to lie to myself and so on about me suffering worse than other people, but braking that down to the individual experience, it just don't hold.

[Bobbybobby99]

Wait. What if I just up the dosage a tiny bit? Say, maybe double the dosage?

I may no longer be able to advise one certain individual (and I didn't exactly do much advising), but I second the idea of not tampering with dosage. It's very easy to escalate once you do it once; my father, before his death, had gone from a single Ambien per day to somewhere in the range of thirty. It's a very slippery slope (and one that led to his death by blood clot, after he fell asleep on his stomach).

[Roland St. Jude]

Sheriff: Just a reminder that discussing banned members is prohibited by the Forum Rules.

[AvatarVecna]

I recently learned that, according to existing statistics on international suicide rates, there is a new suicide completion every ~40 seconds or so. In the spirit of community and support, concepts this thread and forum support, I hold a personal moment of silence for the ~2000 people who took their own lives today, for whatever reason they may have done so. I urge others who may be considering such an escape from life's torments to not follow through with such drastic measures, to give life a chance, to seek out profession help from anyone who can provide professional support.

[Cyber Punk]

I agree, though it can get hard sometimes...

[dehro]

I recently learned that, according to existing statistics on international suicide rates, there is a new suicide completion... .

Am I the only one who misread that as competition?
I'm a terrible person

[Icewraith]

I may no longer be able to advise one certain individual (and I didn't exactly do much advising), but I second the idea of not tampering with dosage. It's very easy to escalate once you do it once; my father, before his death, had gone from a single Ambien per day to somewhere in the range of thirty. It's a very slippery slope (and one that led to his death by blood clot, after he fell asleep on his stomach).

I know a number of unhappy stories that start with "everything was going fine so they stopped taking their medication without informing their doctor". Many of them involve people who are no longer among the living, probably in part because of that decision. Not just mental health meds either- anything involving the nervous system, like anti-seizure meds, you really don't want to fiddle with without a doctor signing off on it and then monitoring you regularly in case things go south.

[Taet]

Thank you to the people who offered to talk when I wanted to talk earlier but could not take and analyze as I was hoping someone could. It's over now though. Want to hear something very stupid yet true? It was a stuffy nose that slowed me down enough to let met hink. I am still having feelings too fast but now that I cannot breathe when I am lying down they are not quite as strong. And this means it will wear off slowly when I get used to having more oxygen in my blood and in my brain. Which just leaves one question left. Why did I ever think I could tlak it out? While I did not know what was happening in my body.

Am I the only one who misread that as competition?
I'm a terrible person

It is Ok, I did it too. Completion is a weird word. It made sense to try to make it competition or completed or something else. But then I also very well understand sometimes having the right word stay out of reach no matter how hard you think so AvatarVecna is Ok too.

[Jon_Dahl]

Did you ever talk to the guy outside of class? Preferably with a witness?

Generally speaking before you get someone in trouble with their boss you should make at least one attempt to resolve the issue with them directly and not in public (if you try to challenge him in public/in class he will probably react to protect his ego instead of listening to you), but with a third party present.

If it works, you don't have any more problems for the rest of the semester. If it doesn't, you still have the option of lighting him up in the feedback form or going directly to the administration. If you skip telling him there's a problem and just light him up in the feedback form, he can just say "nobody ever brought this up to me directly, and I have office hours for a reason" plus you have to put up with him for the rest of the semester.

I have thought about the situation and your words a lot lately. Now I'm finally ready to come back to this.

I'm angry at him. I have given myself some time to cool down, but I have an issue with this guy. Bad feelings have just settled in. I have already noticed that I don't have problems in the lectures anymore ever since I decided to turn into a mute ghost. After next month I will not have this American anymore, most likely ever again. Due to his arrogance, I find it impossible to try to find a correct solution to this problem. I'm seriously tempted by the feedback form. I'm disappointed with myself since I can see that I'm weak. What you said about "nobody ever brought this up to me directly, and I have office hours for a reason"... Well, I have that already covered. Like I said, the feedback form will be a masterpiece. I have it all planned out, I just have to use really compact handwriting.
"He said that this is all part of his teaching. He wanted us to feel like our future students will feel when they don't know the answer. We are first year students, we don't know what we want to be yet. I could become a translator or a researcher and I don't want to be tormented just because after five years I might work as a teacher. The humiliation that I witnessed and suffered in his lectures almost made me quit this university, but hopefully this feedback form will fall into the right hands and someone will talk about this with him. I didn't, because he explained that this is a part of his pedagogical approach and I'm not qualified to discuss that with him. Someone else should do that with him."

[Icewraith]

Of course you're qualified to discuss his pedagogical approach with him, you're his student!

What you end up doing is ultimately up to you, but let me warn you one last time that your current plan will almost certainly not result in a favorable outcome for anybody, and "solving" problems by enduring them and then complaining to authority when the time for productive action has passed will not work well for you in the long run.

[lio45]

Of course you're qualified to discuss his pedagogical approach with him, you're his student!

What you end up doing is ultimately up to you, but let me warn you one last time that your current plan will almost certainly not result in a favorable outcome for anybody, and "solving" problems by enduring them and then complaining to authority when the time for productive action has passed will not work well for you in the long run.

Well, I'd understand someone not wanting to go the distance in order to "solve" a problem that has a strict lifespan of one semester in any case.

[Glass Mouse]

I agree with Icewraith. Sorry, Jon_Dahl, but your approach is most definitely not a masterpiece.

I was in the study board (teachers + a few students) back at my older university, and unless the system is much different where you live, the evaluation forms are treated thusly by the people in charge:
If 10% or fewer of the feedback forms are complaining, they are summarily ignored.
If a significant amount of students are complaining about the same thing, the relevant teacher is asked to comment. If that comment contains any kind of "I will try to implement this critique next semester", everyone will shrug and forget all about it.
If everyone is loudly complaining, and the evalution tanks beyond deniability, they will pull the teacher aside and figure out a way to restructure the course to make it better. The teacher might be let go if those complaints have happened several times before, or if the teacher is a troublemaker and faculty has been looking for an excuse to boot him. This is a rare outcome, though.

As an individual, the only thing that can make them take you seriously is to prove to them that this guy does not take feedback (which might compel them to hold him accountable instead of trusting him to implement the feedback on his own). The only way to prove that is to approach him in good faith and give him the option to improve.

There's also more than a smidgen of the assumption that it can't be that important, or the student would've done something about it.

Also worth noting: Teachers are people, and people are generally much more willing to listen to critisism if it's served rationally and compassionately. "You suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" has never once in the history of ever compelled anyone to do anything better.

I know it's sucky news, but the university higher-ups really don't take individual complaints that seriously. They know that there's no pleasing everyone, and that even the greatest teachers always have someone tearing them down in the evaluations. It's part inertia, part a basic need to side with those you know and like, and part realistic expectations.

[OACSNY97]

Hi Again,

Glad to hear from you. Sorry about not being a good correspondent. Hope you can find something to do professionally that makes you happy and comfortable.

:)

...oh jeez that seemed so long ago to me... I'll spoiler for length.

Spoiler

Show

So... I'll give you a quick update on me.

I am now on antidepressants (yay Prozac!) and broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. I was at peace with it when I broke up and I am still at peace with it now. I vehemently miss the intimacy of being in a relationship though, and it is a craving I am exploring how to sate.

So in general I'm pretty damn ok on the mental health front. Oh, and I discovered something interesting about myself: living alone is not healthy for my mental state. The lack of interaction with people for several days with only the internet and video games to keep you company... well, let's just say I don't want to do that again as much as I can help it.

That aside, let's talk school.

I still am frustrated and dislike it.

My lack of enthusiasm and extreme disinterest in classes that don't hold me that should be easy for me, I am falling behind in, and I still feel annoyed at all the prerequisite classes I am required to complete and just... augh, I'm tired of dealing with school as a whole. Trust me, while I could see a lot of the depression talking about school and my state of being in that previous post I made, it was pretty damn spot on about how I felt about school. I just want to take the classes I give two ****s about and not the menial required core classes that don't interest me nearly as much.

I have not tried full boar metal working or wood working yet, although I did do a little carving from a small carving block I purchased a few days ago. I've generally just been going to school and... attempting to keep on top of things.

Other than that I'm pretty chill as always. Thank you for checking in on me though, I really appreciate the thoughts.

[TechnOkami]

Hope you can find something to do professionally that makes you happy and comfortable.

Me too internet people person, me too...

[Taffimai]

I am being screwed over by my landlords in more ways than one. Since I'm not native to this country, I have contacted a charity that is set up to help tenants. Their advice boils down to "yup, you're screwed". Apparently there's a quirk in the law that lets landlords get away with it. I'm sorry for not going into detail. I might do so later, but right now, I'm just too emotionally exhausted.

I've contacted solicitors, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. There's a free legal aid thing I'm going to in a few days, but I'm not very optimistic. There is a very real possibility that my kids and I will end up homeless in a few months' time, unless we miraculously find a landlord who is willing to accept a tenant without a reference.

At some points I feel angry that a situation like this can arise in a developed country. Or vindictive towards my landlords. Mostly though, I'm just oddly numb.

Thanks for reading. I'll gladly accept your prayers, e-hugs and well-wishes.

[JNAProductions]

I am being screwed over by my landlords in more ways than one. Since I'm not native to this country, I have contacted a charity that is set up to help tenants. Their advice boils down to "yup, you're screwed". Apparently there's a quirk in the law that lets landlords get away with it. I'm sorry for not going into detail. I might do so later, but right now, I'm just too emotionally exhausted.

I've contacted solicitors, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. There's a free legal aid thing I'm going to in a few days, but I'm not very optimistic. There is a very real possibility that my kids and I will end up homeless in a few months' time, unless we miraculously find a landlord who is willing to accept a tenant without a reference.

At some points I feel angry that a situation like this can arise in a developed country. Or vindictive towards my landlords. Mostly though, I'm just oddly numb.

Thanks for reading. I'll gladly accept your prayers, e-hugs and well-wishes.

I'm sorry to hear that. *Offers virtual hugs*

Is there anything we here on the forum can do to help?

---

On my end, I... Kinda had a panic attack today at work. It was a long day (11-9) and during my break at 4 I called my parents and just kinda broke down. I had to leave work early, though I did talk to my manager before I left. She's agreed to only give me single shifts from now on, and I hope it'll be enough to avoid another incident like this.

[lio45]

I am being screwed over by my landlords in more ways than one. Since I'm not native to this country, I have contacted a charity that is set up to help tenants. Their advice boils down to "yup, you're screwed". Apparently there's a quirk in the law that lets landlords get away with it. I'm sorry for not going into detail. I might do so later, but right now, I'm just too emotionally exhausted.

I've contacted solicitors, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. There's a free legal aid thing I'm going to in a few days, but I'm not very optimistic. There is a very real possibility that my kids and I will end up homeless in a few months' time, unless we miraculously find a landlord who is willing to accept a tenant without a reference.

At some points I feel angry that a situation like this can arise in a developed country. Or vindictive towards my landlords. Mostly though, I'm just oddly numb.

Thanks for reading. I'll gladly accept your prayers, e-hugs and well-wishes.

I have been in real estate for over 10 years, currently have a large-ish portfolio and a lot of experience in handling landlord-tenant relationships.

There might be ways to try to negotiate using either carrots or stick or a mix of the two. Especially if you don't really have anything to lose, or can at least successfully give that impression to your landlord (even if false).

If you want to give us more detail either in here or via PM I'll try to give you my best advice.

[Icewraith]

Well, I'd understand someone not wanting to go the distance in order to "solve" a problem that has a strict lifespan of one semester in any case.

Speaking as someone with PTSD, an experience severe enough to possibly re-trigger old mental issues, regardless of whether you're actually injured or assaulted, can haunt you for years afterwards. If Jon_Dahl has to deal with anxiety issues that were under control before this class, the problem will have effects that last a lot longer than one semester.

The professor probably thinks he's being helpful knocking down students' preconceptions or some other noble sounding excrement, and in many cases it might even be true. In the case of this one student he's actually weakening a load-bearing wall, and needs to stop.

The reason simply complaining about this after the fact won't work is there's no way to verify the claim on an anonymous review form, and the professor's behavior, while unpleasant, isn't intolerable for the majority of his students. However, mental issues don't need to make sense, as long as you legitimately have them. The person with legitimate arachnaphobia doesn't need to attend biology lab on Spider Day. This is why I recommended getting a note from the school's student counseling/psychological services before confronting the professor, and doing so in the presence of a third party.

"Ignored a request from a student to accomodate their legitimate, documented medical condition" is a whole other level of bad compared to "apparently made someone upset so they whined on the feedback form". Professors upset people all the time. They're not supposed to give their students panic attacks. Once you tell the professor he's getting result two instead of result one, he should modify his behavior with respect to you and problem solved. You need to make the request so he knows there is a problem, if you don't tell him it's a problem don't be surprised when he doesn't stop the behavior. If he doesn't stop after you've told him, THEN you get authority involved, and you can actually get authority involved a lot sooner than the end of the semester if he gives you another panic attack in class after you've told him it's an issue.