Personal Woes and Advice 4

[Haluesen]

Outside the box? Go on.... o.o

Anyway, an update on me:
After losing my mind at my friends last night, I spoke to a counselor from Beyond Blue. After our discussion, they contacted the police, who came to my door to speak with me. They ended up deciding it would be best to take me to the hospital, where I waited for a few hours (hence why I've been so tired today) until a psychologist arrived to speak with me. Fortunately, they felt I would be okay to go home again, so I didn't have to stay for longer which is nice.
My counselor's been given a report of what happened, so I'll discuss that with them at my next appointment. My dosage of anti-depressants has also been increased from one pill to two pills a day.

Well sounds like a scary situation, I'm glad though that you are still alive. I hope that all of this helps. And I'm sorry I couldn't be around to talk any more than I was.



As far as my own business, my great uncle passed away last week. While that is sad and worrying on its own I feel like I am okay as far as that goes. There are some issues though that stem from that, and I'd maybe like some advice. Even if no one responds, it'll still be nice to just get it out of my head and into writing.

Spoiler: Spoilered for length and maybe sensitive topics

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Firstly is the fact that I really haven't reacted at all to it. In fact every death I've heard about in my family or friends' families in the last couple years I treat the same way, with calmness. I don't know if it is acceptance or not, I just don't react. I don't cry, I don't freeze up, I don't act any different than I would any other day. It's perplexing. Even my dad's death I felt sad about but never cried, never talked about him differently than I did when he lived, never really reacted at all. It kinda worries me, don't people usually do something when family that they love dies? It just bothers me, I dunno why.

Also my aunt, his wife, is causing a lot of trouble with the funeral arrangements. She's trying to rush it, she's ignoring his own wishes for his funeral, she's not letting other family members affect her decisions here. It's honestly awful. More than sadness at my uncle's death I feel rage at her behavior. I will have to see her at the funeral which is likely to be this week. Containing that frustration and anger is difficult.

[Bobbybobby99]

I suppose this is a better place to post woes than the LGBTO thread. Okay, here we go.

Spoiler: Concerns on inherited schizoaffective disorder

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I may or may not have schizoaffective disorder, and may or may not acquire it in the future. My mother possessed (or possesses, I suppose) the disease, and heritability rates are about 1/7 for one parent with it. But recent studies have shown that the Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective, and Bipolar Disorders are likely the same genetic factor expressed in different ways depending on environment. Though I have not been told anything about it, I consider it a very high likelihood that my father has something on that spectrum. He's being prescribed anti-psychotics, he complains of inconsistent chronic pain that no doctor can figure out, he alternates between being sociable and easily angered and being a full blown alcoholic, and etc. The fact that I haven't been told about what the mental problem is compounds the suspicion, since my grandmother wouldn't want me to worry about it. If he does, in fact, have something on that spectrum, my chances for inheriting something on said spectrum are raised to slightly more than 50%.

That is very, very worrying. Normally, someone could just say "Oh, I don't check a large number of things on 'insert chart here', I'm fine". I can't say that because I actually do check off most of the things on the checklists, including early sexuality, bursts of severe paranoia, very stange religious ideas that I can't talk about, and week-longish variation between being and being .

I can't actually ask if my concerns are genuine, since that would be medical advice, but how do you deal with the thought that you might end up being completely insane? Or possibly moderately or mildly insane? That the chance is essentially a flip of a coin? Should I talk to my grandmother about it? Will that stress her out?

In terms of doling out my share of advice;

To Halu: It's something of a saying that everyone mourns differently. I, myself, am prone to crying for a day or two and then continuing on as if nothing had happened. Family members dictating funerals contrary to the deceased is utterly ridiculous; I'm going to have to select three people to each compose funeral plans, select eight judges, and have the plans that the judges decide are closest to my wishes be carried out, just to prevent that from happening when I die. That's honestly terrible, disrespecting someone's last wishes like that; you can probably be satisfied that your aunt is going to receive some very, very bad karma, but your allowed to yell at her day or two after the funeral (though you may feel bad about yelling at crying-inside widow afterwards)

[Dire Moose]

OK, an update on where I am.

I've moved to Arizona as planned, and I will be starting at the museum as a lab volunteer this Saturday. I have secured a local job that pays pretty well, even though it's just packing and shipping at a warehouse.

However, while I may have solved my initial problems for the time being, I am no closer to finding a way to get any further ahead. Getting a job in paleontology beyond a temporary internship is still practically impossible without a master's degree, and I still cannot come up with a way of getting one without a higher GPA.

First off, some good news. It does not have to be a paleontology master's specifically. A master's in a related field would suffice, according to my mentor. He recommended looking for either a biology or geology master's program at a smaller school without high GPA requirements and working from there.

Unfortunately, finding something like that is also looking difficult. Despite the advice, I am very skeptical of the idea that I can work with a biology degree. It may have been an option back when my mentor and others were working on their degrees, before biotechnology and genetic engineering really became commonplace, but now biology is so focused on genetics that they are ignoring morphological studies of evolutionary history as irrelevant, and have thus kicked paleontology to the curb. I found out just how irrelevant biology was the hard way after I had completed a bachelor's degree in biology and found that every paleontology master's program was attached to a geology department. When I took my 3.17 GPA and my biology degree to apply for a master's then, they all rejected me because I didn't have the required geology credentials.

So the only option is to find a school that offers a master's degree in geology and has GPA requirements below a 3.0. Even looking at smaller schools, I have yet to find one that would work. I have only found one that comes close. California State University has a requirement of 2.75, but still requires a 3.0 average in all geology courses which I am not sure I have. I have been told by others that I can still get in if I can work through the professors to get an exemption, but programs are competitive and I was told by people with a 3.14 and a 3.2 that they were lucky to get in, and one guy I knew had a 3.06 and couldn't find anywhere that would accept him. I have yet to ever find someone who got the kind of exemption I would need, and I doubt it's realistically possible.

Going overseas to avoid the GPA system is looking less likely by the second. I was told by my last supervisor (the one who told me to seek a research position because my technical skills weren't good enough) that I should go to the UK and get a "thought master's" there, but even someone from Canada can only get accepted into a UK graduate program with "honor's equivalent" grades, the equivalent of a 3.4. For an American like me, it's probably even harder. And while I still haven't done much looking into other overseas options, I suspect the requirements are similar there.

I had also mentioned trying to raise my GPA by taking courses in my off-hours, but I don't think that's very realistic anymore. I will be working overnight from 6:30 to 5 on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evenings, which limits my availability to Sundays and Mondays. Finding high-level geology courses to take with only a Sunday-Monday schedule to work with probably would not work, let alone trying to volunteer at the museum within those limits.

I suppose what I really need is some kind of database where I can put in the degree requirements I am looking for and find a university that fits them, but as far as I know, no such database exists, and neither do any professional advisors who would be able to do this. Everyone who is in the business of academic advising is attached to a specific school and only knows the requirements of that school.

One more thing. After I mentioned all the above to my mentor as a response to his advice and asked him to tell me if I was wrong or had overlooked something, he sent nothing back. It has been over a week now, and he usually responds within a day or two. I'm afraid I might have sounded dismissive enough to the point where he doesn't want to talk to me as a result.

So at this point, I have solved my immediate problems but don't seem to have any options for the future. I need some way to get a master's degree in geology with less than the minimum GPA, but all my options are dead ends. I know one of you knew a school that offered a biology option that fell within the limits; do any of you know anything similar for geology or anywhere I could find a list of schools with the requirements I'm looking for?

[Sparx MacGyver]

I don't feel any better. Had a sit down with my therapist. She suggested that part of the reason I feel so crap right now is that September is a rough month for me. Well, my family too, but myself especially. Basically in June 2004 my best friend passed away during a pro-wrestling training session. In September 2004, my Aunt passed away. in September 2006, one of the long-time abusers from my childhood passed away.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad that bastard is dead. Unfortunately, he's also my half-sister's father. There's a pretty big wall between my sister and I. Probably has allot with how we were treated differently by him. My other sister and I are pretty close.

I hope my son never has to go through any of this.

[qechua]

OK, an update on where I am.

I've moved to Arizona as planned, and I will be starting at the museum as a lab volunteer this Saturday. I have secured a local job that pays pretty well, even though it's just packing and shipping at a warehouse.

Good work. A job's a job, and don't dismiss manual labour jobs, simply means you don't have to pay for gym membership!

Going overseas to avoid the GPA system is looking less likely by the second. I was told by my last supervisor (the one who told me to seek a research position because my technical skills weren't good enough) that I should go to the UK and get a "thought master's" there, but even someone from Canada can only get accepted into a UK graduate program with "honor's equivalent" grades, the equivalent of a 3.4. For an American like me, it's probably even harder. And while I still haven't done much looking into other overseas options, I suspect the requirements are similar there.

As someone who lives/works/studied in the UK, and has recently looked at doing a PhD both home and abroad, I can probably help with this. The UK system is considered weird by a lot of people, because our degrees are much more specialised than our European/American counterparts. This is because all our general education is done at primary/secondary level (at or below High School). What this means is that there is a lot of flexibility in entry requirements, assuming you know how to get it (yay for the secret handshake clubs! :D). You know how every university lists their staff, contact details and research areas? It's so people can get in contact, so fire off some emails to lecturers you'd like to study under. I've yet to see a masters degrees without a dissertation/thesis requirement, so you'll need a supervisor anyway, and it helps to already have one agreed and on board when you apply. Aside from that? Lead with interests and potential research topics, get them engaged with you, then spring the 'I might not be qualified'. It might just be a case of 'OK, we'll pick some modules for you, rather than give you complete free reign', it may not even be that, enthusiasm can sure up a lot of dodgy grades, and ongoing learning/volunteering does wonders for showing enthusiasm. Mature student (age varies by university, but it's often around 22+) counts a lot as well, although I'm not sure if international mature does (UK universities get more funding for mature students, and they tend to be more committed to their studies as well). Point is, unless you're looking at Oxford/Cambridge/UCL/Edinburgh, they should be pretty accommodating.

Just remember the time difference if you decide to contact the UK, you'll be looking at effectively one email each per day, and Monday mornings/Friday evenings seem especially weird.

I had also mentioned trying to raise my GPA by taking courses in my off-hours, but I don't think that's very realistic anymore. I will be working overnight from 6:30 to 5 on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday evenings, which limits my availability to Sundays and Mondays. Finding high-level geology courses to take with only a Sunday-Monday schedule to work with probably would not work, let alone trying to volunteer at the museum within those limits.

Have you looked at online courses such as those at Coursera (free, but not an actual university) or the Open University (not free, but an actual recognised university)? Some of them are surprisingly high level, although I haven't specifically looked at your interests. Most of these only borrow a couple hours a week, but it's to your schedule, not theirs. You'll have a deadline to meet for coursework, rather than specific classes to attend.

I suppose what I really need is some kind of database where I can put in the degree requirements I am looking for and find a university that fits them, but as far as I know, no such database exists, and neither do any professional advisors who would be able to do this. Everyone who is in the business of academic advising is attached to a specific school and only knows the requirements of that school.

University rankings don't do a bad job of this, generally the lower performing the university, the lower the entry requirements. I'm not saying sabotage yourself by going to the bottom of the list, but if you find an area on the list you're happy with, probably around half way up, then explore that, it can narrow the search.

One more thing. After I mentioned all the above to my mentor as a response to his advice and asked him to tell me if I was wrong or had overlooked something, he sent nothing back. It has been over a week now, and he usually responds within a day or two. I'm afraid I might have sounded dismissive enough to the point where he doesn't want to talk to me as a result.

Don't worry, it's probably nothing, he might just be doing some research or digging for you. Certainly in the UK it's new term time, so lecturers/advisors are all really busy with freshers as well. Failing that, he might be on holiday and just forgot his out of office. I know I've done that before :)

[Gray Mage]

@Dire Moose: Would it be an option to learn a different language in your free time, maybe even online courses. It'd give you more freedom to look on other countries (Spain, France, Germany, Italy, etc). Plus, while I'm not familiar with the GPA system, usually knowing a second/third language is very valued in the academic world. That could help you get into the fringe cases where you're not sure you can enter. Either way, best of luck.

[Chen]

However, while I may have solved my initial problems for the time being, I am no closer to finding a way to get any further ahead. Getting a job in paleontology beyond a temporary internship is still practically impossible without a master's degree, and I still cannot come up with a way of getting one without a higher GPA.

Just out of curiosity have the jobs actually rejected you specifically because of a lack of a Master's degree? Because there are TONS of jobs out there that ask for the sky in their postings but accept significantly less than what they ask for.

[Dire Moose]

You know how every university lists their staff, contact details and research areas? It's so people can get in contact, so fire off some emails to lecturers you'd like to study under. I've yet to see a masters degrees without a dissertation/thesis requirement, so you'll need a supervisor anyway, and it helps to already have one agreed and on board when you apply. Aside from that? Lead with interests and potential research topics, get them engaged with you, then spring the 'I might not be qualified'. It might just be a case of 'OK, we'll pick some modules for you, rather than give you complete free reign', it may not even be that, enthusiasm can sure up a lot of dodgy grades, and ongoing learning/volunteering does wonders for showing enthusiasm.

I've been told that before, by the students with 3.14-3.2 grades. They told me that that was how they got in despite not having the highest grades. As such that strategy might work if I was the only one trying it, but many others with higher, qualifying grades are already engaging with professors and getting in that way. And these people were trying to get into a university in their home country; imagine trying that overseas. If I was above the minimum 3.0 but still behind the most qualified applicants like the people who advised me to try that, that would be a viable strategy, but if these professors are already going out on a limb for students who barely qualify, it's likely that they won't want to devote their resources to someone who is below even them.

Have you looked at online courses such as those at Coursera (free, but not an actual university) or the Open University (not free, but an actual recognised university)? Some of them are surprisingly high level, although I haven't specifically looked at your interests. Most of these only borrow a couple hours a week, but it's to your schedule, not theirs. You'll have a deadline to meet for coursework, rather than specific classes to attend.

I had not really considered taking online courses, but that would be a good way to get around time restrictions. When October comes around and I after I have gotten used to my work schedule, I will start looking for options there. I am not sure if 300-400 level geology courses are going to be available there, though.

[Rubik]

My friend Lycanthromancer is in a pretty tough spot, and I was hoping to get more awareness of the issues he's having. If anyone can spread word to get more attention, I would really appreciate it.

I posted a letter from him here: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/shows...37&postcount=1

I'm in about the same situation, but I'm coping better than he is. At least I still have a job, but it's not enough to keep us afloat.

[TaiLiu]

My friend Lycanthromancer is in a pretty tough spot, and I was hoping to get more awareness of the issue's he's having. If anyone can spread word to get more attention, I would really appreciate it.

I posted a letter from him here: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/shows...37&postcount=1

I'm in about the same situation, but I'm coping better than he is. At least I still have a job, but it's not enough to keep us afloat.

What a location!

Anyway, I think the major problem is that places like the GITP forums generally aren't filled with wealthy people, so it might be hard for him to get money here. I presume he has contacted non-internet people? Family members, friends, frienemies? And he seems to have a project here, which I assume is a game he's designing in an attempt to get money.

But I'll jam a link into my signature. Best of luck to both of you!

[TaiLiu]

Also, there seem to be a variety of links: there's one on Minmaxboards, one here, one on FIMfiction (Which is where you linked in your signature), the actual GoFundMe itself... Where do you want us to link?

[Rubik]

Also, there seem to be a variety of links: there's one on Minmaxboards, one here, one on FIMfiction (Which is where you linked in your signature), the actual GoFundMe itself... Where do you want us to link?

The GoFundMe, please, unless the person is from one of those boards, in which case you can link to the board in question. That's what I've been doing. I figured it would garner attention more if the link was one to a place that people are familiar with.

My sig links to FIMfiction because I thought the one on GiantitP was defunct, but I just had the wrong link.

[Ifni]

Trivial compared to the other woes here, but... ah, students.

"Professor, I forgot we had a problem set due. Can I get an extension?"
"Professor, I couldn't find the problem set on the website, so I figured there wasn't one. Can I be excused?"
(note both emails were sent AFTER the problem set was due)

OK, PSA for any students out there:
-It is your responsibility to keep track of when your problem sets are due.
-If you can't find the problem set on the course website, ASK SOMEONE where to find it. BEFORE the due date.
-"I thought maybe there wasn't a problem set this week" would hold more water if the due dates weren't listed in the syllabus, AND posted on the front page of the class website, AND emailed to the entire class.

[Skeppio]

So I was thinking of going to a singles night at some gaming themed bar my brother mentioned would be happening next week. But upon retrospect, it's not going to be worth it. People, especially girls, are simply impossible to connect with. I'd just make a fool out of myself. I'm not interested in going to a place full of fakers, posers and *******s who'll just laugh at me for being single. I ****ing hate people.

[RoyVG]

I just feel kind of crap lately.

I haven't spoken to my two best friends in a month. One of them is now at the other side of the globe for an internship, so I can expect that because of schedules and timezone differences, while the other one... I dunno. He hasn't made any time to talk at all, or never tried doing so. Last week was my birthday and I didn't even get one word from him. Not even a single 'congratulations' or 'happy birthday' or anything, nothing at all, from one of my best friends, of all people! I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be sad for losing him, or glad I don't have to take that BS any longer. It's not the first time he did things that I would consider to be not acceptable, but this is so simple that I'm not even sure if he still intends to remain friends, and at this point in time, I'm afraid to even talk to him about it. If I'm losing him as a friend, I'd rather do it quietly than make a fuss about it.

If it weren't for my obligation at the university right now, having to do some group work and the coincidence that I made one more friend a little while ago, I would feel even more lonely. I have nothing to do, and no one to do it with. My physique is absolute s**t, my habits are wrecking my social life and I'm too lazy to do anything about it because I cannot comprehend the consequences. I'm losing faith in my future

There is some additional conflict in my life, but I'll keep that to myself for now, and there is another thread for that.

[Ravens_cry]

Do you know what sucks? Many things, differential in pressure, for example, but the kind of suck I am going to complain about is . . . when the person you are attracted to . . .already has someone.
Why, Eros, why?!
This is the second time you've done this to me!

[JNAProductions]

I feel you. *Offers hugs to Ravens Cry*

If you want to vent more or need advice anything, feel free to PM me.

[Ravens_cry]

I feel you. *Offers hugs to Ravens Cry*

If you want to vent more or need advice anything, feel free to PM me.

*takes it gratefully* Thanks. I will keep that in mind.

[Dire Moose]

So I was thinking of going to a singles night at some gaming themed bar my brother mentioned would be happening next week. But upon retrospect, it's not going to be worth it. People, especially girls, are simply impossible to connect with. I'd just make a fool out of myself. I'm not interested in going to a place full of fakers, posers and *******s who'll just laugh at me for being single. I ****ing hate people.

Do it. Seriously, just do it. You might well be surprised.

[Ravens_cry]

Do it. Seriously, just do it. You might well be surprised.

I second this. If people seem fake at such things, it's because a lot of them are just as nervous and terrified as you.

[Skeppio]

Do it. Seriously, just do it. You might well be surprised.

I second this. If people seem fake at such things, it's because a lot of them are just as nervous and terrified as you.

I'm considering it, but I'm nervous. I have no idea how to talk to people, or introduce myself without lying or hiding everything from them. And I'm terrified of people rejecting or judging me.
Plus I'm worried that if I have a bad or unsuccessful night there, it'll make me lose it and have another episode of completely losing control to anger.

[Dire Moose]

I'm considering it, but I'm nervous. I have no idea how to talk to people,

I don't either, really, but that doesn't stop me from doing it anyway. A lot of people are going to be nervous at something like this, and you're hardly unique in that regard. Just remember that the person you're talking to is probably just as nervous as you are.

or introduce myself without lying or hiding everything from them.

Then don't. If you want to maintain a relationship, your partner will have to know sooner or later, so it's best to be honest with them from the start. And if they don't like who you really are, that relationship wouldn't have worked anyway.

And I'm terrified of people rejecting or judging me.

It happens to the best of us. Nobody is going to get along with everybody, and that's something you have to expect going in. And if they're jerks about you, remember that's their problem and not yours.

Plus I'm worried that if I have a bad or unsuccessful night there, it'll make me lose it and have another episode of completely losing control to anger.

All I can suggest if that happens is to remember you tried your best and to look forward to next time. Don't take it personally if it doesn't work out the first time.

[Ravens_cry]

Aye. The fact it's a gaming themed bar means there is a good chance others there will at least share some interest of yours. Yes, meeting new people is hard, and yes, you will screw up, everyone does, but if you don't go, you won't know. You'll always flub if you don't try. Believe me, I could stand to take my own advise.

[Skeppio]

I don't either, really, but that doesn't stop me from doing it anyway. A lot of people are going to be nervous at something like this, and you're hardly unique in that regard. Just remember that the person you're talking to is probably just as nervous as you are.

They won't be nervous, especially if they're cooler and prettier than me. They've got nowhere near the pressure to live up to to be considered "worthy". They have all the control, and I have none.

Then don't. If you want to maintain a relationship, your partner will have to know sooner or later, so it's best to be honest with them from the start. And if they don't like who you really are, that relationship wouldn't have worked anyway.

If I'm honest with them, there won't be a relationship at all.

It happens to the best of us. Nobody is going to get along with everybody, and that's something you have to expect going in. And if they're jerks about you, remember that's their problem and not yours.

If they're jerks, then others will join in the "fun", and I'll be laughed out of the building.

All I can suggest if that happens is to remember you tried your best and to look forward to next time. Don't take it personally if it doesn't work out the first time.

There won't be a next time. You only get one shot at a first impression.

Aye. The fact it's a gaming themed bar means there is a good chance others there will at least share some interest of yours. Yes, meeting new people is hard, and yes, you will screw up, everyone does, but if you don't go, you won't know. You'll always flub if you don't try. Believe me, I could stand to take my own advise.

It more likely means there's a bigger chance that they'll find my tastes idiotic and unacceptable and will hate me. And if I screw up, I'll end up even more miserable than I am now.

[dehro]

I'm considering it, but I'm nervous. I have no idea how to talk to people, or introduce myself without lying or hiding everything from them. And I'm terrified of people rejecting or judging me.
Plus I'm worried that if I have a bad or unsuccessful night there, it'll make me lose it and have another episode of completely losing control to anger.

The odds are good that most people who will be at that event will share a fair deal of your anxiety and social ineptitude. It's usually the case most nights at the place where I game. As for having a successful night. Make the focus of your night having fun gaming, and not socialising/hunting for a partner or friend. That way, if you win at the game you win the night, if loose horribly you can blame the dice instead of yourself, if you don't interact socially you'll still have gone out for a night of gaming fun and should you actually make a connection with somebody to develop in friendship or more, you'll have double won. If you make the night about gaming, the worst that can happen is you lose at the gaming.. Which can happen, I usually do, is part of gaming and you shouldn't take to heart...

[Skeppio]

The odds are good that most people who will be at that event will share a fair deal of your anxiety and social ineptitude. It's usually the case most nights at the place where I game. As for having a successful night. Make the focus of your night having fun gaming, and not socialising/hunting for a partner or friend. That way, if you win at the game you win the night, if loose horribly you can blame the dice instead of yourself, if you don't interact socially you'll still have gone out for a night of gaming fun and should you actually make a connection with somebody to develop in friendship or more, you'll have double won. If you make the night about gaming, the worst that can happen is you lose at the gaming.. Which can happen, I usually do, is part of gaming and you shouldn't take to heart...

It's video-game themed, not tabletop. That aside, if I wanted to just play games and have drinks, I can do that at home on my own. Why would I go to a single's night and not have socializing as my top priority?

[dehro]

It's video-game themed, not tabletop. That aside, if I wanted to just play games and have drinks, I can do that at home on my own. Why would I go to a single's night and not have socializing as my top priority?

call it a defense mechanism, if you like.. if nothing else it will soften any blows your self esteem might take should you try and fail to socialise.
any activity you may chose, one of your liking or one out of your comfort zone, should take center stage in your reason for taking part to it.. simply because if you try and take part to something without that mindset and use it as a cover for your real interest, namely socializing/dating, you're going to come off as a fake or as someone who isn't sincere, at least to everybody else who might be there mainly for the activity itself. of course an explicitly stated single's night should add some chances for socialisation, but again, if you're too eager on that front and if you don't go there to enjoy the games and related activities, you're more likely to not find what you want than if you do.
of course there are going to be plenty of people who take part to the activity of choice also if not mainly to socialise or score a date, but those who are too blatant about it and too direct, usually don't look great as they do so, because it does reek a bit of desperation.
think for instance of how many single women (and men) in their forties take part to latin american dance classes in the hope of finding a suave dancer with an exotic accent to take home.. and after a night of waddling all over the dancefloor end up going home alone.
so.. take a pick of events or activity, take part in them with the main purpose of taking part in them and whatever level of socialisation you'll achieve through it will be gravy on top of a fun night doing something you like. Take part to an event only to socialize and score a date and, with your current mindset, there's a good chance that any failure to achieve your goals will also ruin the event and related hobby for you.

[Skeppio]

call it a defense mechanism, if you like.. if nothing else it will soften any blows your self esteem might take should you try and fail to socialise.
any activity you may chose, one of your liking or one out of your comfort zone, should take center stage in your reason for taking part to it.. simply because if you try and take part to something without that mindset and use it as a cover for your real interest, namely socializing/dating, you're going to come off as a fake or as someone who isn't sincere, at least to everybody else who might be there mainly for the activity itself. of course an explicitly stated single's night should add some chances for socialisation, but again, if you're too eager on that front and if you don't go there to enjoy the games and related activities, you're more likely to not find what you want than if you do.
of course there are going to be plenty of people who take part to the activity of choice also if not mainly to socialise or score a date, but those who are too blatant about it and too direct, usually don't look great as they do so, because it does reek a bit of desperation.
think for instance of how many single women (and men) in their forties take part to latin american dance classes in the hope of finding a suave dancer with an exotic accent to take home.. and after a night of waddling all over the dancefloor end up going home alone.
so.. take a pick of events or activity, take part in them with the main purpose of taking part in them and whatever level of socialisation you'll achieve through it will be gravy on top of a fun night doing something you like. Take part to an event only to socialize and score a date and, with your current mindset, there's a good chance that any failure to achieve your goals will also ruin the event and related hobby for you.

It doesn't make any sense to me to go to a social event without prioritizing socialising. If I just wanted to game, I'd stay home and play my many games! It's not like I could possibly come off faker than the others that'd be there. At least I like real games, not today's garbage. >_>
In any mindset, such a failure would ruin my evening. It's done it before every other time. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? Slap on a fake smile and lie and get rejected again? This is why I'm reluctant to go. Better to just stay home and live the rest of my life alone. People are impossible to please or socialise with. >_<

[DataNinja]

It doesn't make any sense to me to go to a social event without prioritizing socialising. If I just wanted to game, I'd stay home and play my many games! It's not like I could possibly come off faker than the others that'd be there. At least I like real games, not today's garbage. >_>
In any mindset, such a failure would ruin my evening. It's done it before every other time. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? Slap on a fake smile and lie and get rejected again? This is why I'm reluctant to go. Better to just stay home and live the rest of my life alone. People are impossible to please or socialise with. >_<

Well, honestly, what's the worst case scenario? Because it sounds like you're already feeling like that is what is going to happen. So, really, where is there to go but an improvement? I imagine that there are at least a few people there doing the exact same thing at the exact same time. And don't worry, I know how you feel about feeling everyone is 'cooler' or 'more attractive' or whatnot. I find it best to just try not caring about what other people think. It doesn't always work but, in the end, you'll never have to associate with them again if you don't want to.

[Skeppio]

Well, honestly, what's the worst case scenario? Because it sounds like you're already feeling like that is what is going to happen. So, really, where is there to go but an improvement? I imagine that there are at least a few people there doing the exact same thing at the exact same time. And don't worry, I know how you feel about feeling everyone is 'cooler' or 'more attractive' or whatnot. I find it best to just try not caring about what other people think. It doesn't always work but, in the end, you'll never have to associate with them again if you don't want to.

Worst case scenario? I can imagine plenty:

• I could end up disheartened and humiliated by people laughing at me for daring to talk to them.
• I could hit on someone I didn't know wasn't single, thus earning a beating from their partner.
• I could be lured aside and mugged/beaten.
• I could lose control from the disappointment and self-hatred and do something dangerous/stupid.

And those are just a couple examples. Even at rock-bottom, there's always much more to lose. By not caring what others think, I'm leaving myself vulnerable for an attack when I expose myself as a stupid, uninteresting loser. No-one there would be in the same boat. They're all cool and attractive, and people love them, and they can get laid at any moment, but people like that aren't satisfied with that. They have to take away every possible chance from losers like me. It's not enough that they succeed, they must also make sure others fail. That's the kind of person that dominates society, and a single's night is nothing more than a trap set by them to lure in desperate singles like me, so they can humiliate them for fun.