Personal Woes and Advice 4

[Comrade]

Today's pretty much just the worst day I've had in a while.

[sktarq]

Today's pretty much just the worst day I've had in a while.

What happened? If you need/want to vent/talk about it of course.

[Comrade]

Just ended up in a foul mental and emotional place and felt like I was doing everything wrong. Oh well-- that day's over with, at least.

[Insane Trystane]

Speaking on anxiety...

I don't want to call what happened to me a few minutes ago an anxiety attack because that sounds too strong, and wasn't really triggered by anything I can discern, but I'm... not really sure what else to call it. I was thinking about the fact that my parents want to go on a cruise with some family friends (who I hate)... and then about a minute later I'm shaking in my chair (not where I started btw), imagining yelling at my dad after a mistake I made because "I get it, I'm a ****ing screwup, you don't need to say it every single ****ING TIME CAN I GO NOW OR DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO YELL AT ME SOME MORE?!". Then I go up to my room, someone knocks on the door, and I shriek at them to go away. I was crying in the imagined scenario, and I wanted to cry for real too.

It's weird because the scenario was entirely in my head. It wasn't anything worth getting upset over (because it's probably not going to happen), but I was anyway. And now I feel horrible because I'm bringing this up to people who have actual problems that are hurting them and I made mine up, but I still feel like I need to say it, so... here you go.

I am not a professional, nor do I have any experience with psychology, but as a layman I'd call that an anxiety attack. And you don't need to de-legitimize what happened just because it wasn't an actual argument-- Feelings, if you are feeling them, are legitimate, whether or not they have a real-life cause. It is enough that you are feeling them.

As for your parents, it sounds like you might have something to talk with them about. I don't know anything about either your temperament or theirs, so I can't tell you whether or how to talk to them about this, but it sounds like you're realizing that there's a possible conversation in your future. In that case, it's good that you've already played out a negative scenario in your head, so you can look at it and figure out how to proceed to get the Good Ending--or at least a better one. You can't guarantee that because you can't control what other people say/do, but if talking with them is something that needs to happen, you're a little better prepared now.

(Taking the tiny amount of information I have about the situation and my own personal experience of being an unemployed college graduate living with my parents, my conversation would go something like "Hey guys, I know it's frustrating having me live with you and not out on my own like a successful adult. I'm getting fed up with it, too, which is why I'd like to work with you guys on finding a solution. Would you be willing to help me brainstorm job and housing ideas?" It may not be applicable to you at all, but it's just an example.)

As for the cruise, you know your parents better than I do, but if possible, I'd take some time to determine the pros and cons of the situation. Could you put up with the family friends for the sake of a cruise? Do you even like cruises? If you decide you don't wanna go, I'd let your parents know that you're not comfortable around the family friends and you think it'd be easier for everyone involved if you sat this one out. Maybe spent time with a friend or relative, or stayed at home if that's cool with you and them. Again, I don't know how reasonable or responsive your parents are, so take your own situation into account and take my advice with a grain of salt.

And either way, good luck and I wish you well!

[Insane Trystane]

Is this the right thread for this? I'm not sure where to put this. I feel like I have to dump it somewhere so here is some stuff that I'm feeling.

Spoiler: Lovey Stuff, yuck

Show

I've been feeling weird as of late. Not really the type to ever find someone I've liked (ever) to a serious degree beyond physical attraction, there is just that one girl now that keeps on popping into my head and making me sad.

I see her every Saturday for D&D, hang out for a few hours, and only text a little the rest of the time unless our group of friends wants to go out and do something else. She is just awesome, the prettiest girl I know, one of the people I can talk to for most of my problems, has a wonderful personality (except when she get's tired, then she get's a little distant), shares my hobbies (and interests me in new parts of them), and is the only girl I've know to care about me that was not a family member.

At first I was only physically attracted to her, like any other girl in my life I considered, yet that was not really anything new to me so I could ignore that. Yet as the months drew on with me seeing her time and time again, sharing fun times together with others, bad and good aspects over the whole course, I've grown to want her more and more in a deeper sense then just physical.

When she is with someone else my chest burns with jealousy (something I could not identify till I thought about it for a long while), even when she is just jokingly doing so (something she's rarely done with me, one point I say lucky man to a friend of mine). I'm afraid at how horrible it'd be to be in the same room as someone she is dating...

When she hugs me, or otherwise makes a friendly act that get's me close to her (like a hug or her asking to be picked up, putting her head on my shoulder), it's hard to not get excited, to feel a deep want to just hug her right back. I normally make a excuse to leave the room at those moments from how I don't want to think of her in the wrong way, or feel like I'm enjoying it too much.

Until just this week I've been fine with all this, been able to ignore all this and numb my feelings towards her. Now that is getting more and more difficult. I'm able to just throw away all those feelings for a time, but they just keep on coming back! It's painful, and awkward for me to be near her like that.

I cannot even come out and tell her how I feel because I know that she'd reject me. I'm not really that great, but putting that aside, she's in a relationship at the moment (that she's just gotten into). I can just see how she'd kindly put me down, and I'd have lost my chance.

Just ranting, and telling others here makes me want to do it less in RL. Getting this all out here makes that little fire in my chest *poof* for now, which feels awesome.

[SOPILER] Man, that suuuucks. That said, I've been in similar situations before, and for me it's always a question of risks vs. rewards. Is the miserableness you feel at not being able to date her worth having her as a friend? Is the possibility of losing her an acceptable risk for the chance at a relationship? While I second the earlier advice that you can't really know how she'd react, I'd wait to express romantic attraction until she's single, just to help your chances. It's possible she's into you, don't ever forget that.

(Psst. Over here. I've got some dubious advice to offer you. :P Depending on your age and your social circles, it's possible to use some less direct methods of ascertaining your likelihood of success. If you've got mutual friends you trust that would talk to her for you, you could see if they'd be willing to ask leading questions to get a better gague of her interest. Not like "So-and-so likes you, do you like them back?" but more subtle. It's intel gathering rather than you not being able to ask her yourself. And at worst, if she figures out what's going on, she has the option to decide how to react, whether to pretend she doesn't know for the sake of the friendship or not. I, not being very confident or socially adept, was a big fan of these kinds of missions back in the day, but they can be risky, so it's up to you. There are a lot of "Just ask her!" proponents out there. Use your best judgement, or get the advice of someone closer to the situation who you trust.

[Lycunadari]

Yes I was thinking EDS -and all the myriad/horrible ways it can present itself. Of the seven types the most commonly checked one is type one which is checked for (in part) by stretching the skin. Many docs skip/ignore the other types (which leads to EDS being deeply misdiagnosed here esp as fibromialgia).

In the meantime good luck - be careful with stretching/yoga (it is good for some joint/connective tissue issues and can make others worse)-if you want to run it by your doc first. Also recommend investing in a trackball and/voice command protocol systems for your computer. When systematic joint issues attack your hands-daily life can get hard fast-protecting them from things that may cause carpal tunnel is a decent stand in (usually) because you want to protect and baby them along.

My hands are actually still pretty good, they only hurt occasionally - my knees and my left arm make the most problems. But I'll keep your tip in mind, thanks.

Just ended up in a foul mental and emotional place and felt like I was doing everything wrong. Oh well-- that day's over with, at least.

I hope your next days are better.

[HalfTangible]

I am not a professional, nor do I have any experience with psychology, but as a layman I'd call that an anxiety attack. And you don't need to de-legitimize what happened just because it wasn't an actual argument-- Feelings, if you are feeling them, are legitimate, whether or not they have a real-life cause. It is enough that you are feeling them.

As for your parents, it sounds like you might have something to talk with them about. I don't know anything about either your temperament or theirs, so I can't tell you whether or how to talk to them about this, but it sounds like you're realizing that there's a possible conversation in your future. In that case, it's good that you've already played out a negative scenario in your head, so you can look at it and figure out how to proceed to get the Good Ending--or at least a better one. You can't guarantee that because you can't control what other people say/do, but if talking with them is something that needs to happen, you're a little better prepared now.

(Taking the tiny amount of information I have about the situation and my own personal experience of being an unemployed college graduate living with my parents, my conversation would go something like "Hey guys, I know it's frustrating having me live with you and not out on my own like a successful adult. I'm getting fed up with it, too, which is why I'd like to work with you guys on finding a solution. Would you be willing to help me brainstorm job and housing ideas?" It may not be applicable to you at all, but it's just an example.)

As for the cruise, you know your parents better than I do, but if possible, I'd take some time to determine the pros and cons of the situation. Could you put up with the family friends for the sake of a cruise? Do you even like cruises? If you decide you don't wanna go, I'd let your parents know that you're not comfortable around the family friends and you think it'd be easier for everyone involved if you sat this one out. Maybe spent time with a friend or relative, or stayed at home if that's cool with you and them. Again, I don't know how reasonable or responsive your parents are, so take your own situation into account and take my advice with a grain of salt.

And either way, good luck and I wish you well!

I've never been on a cruise but nothing I've heard of them sounds appealing. I still remember that ship in the gulf of mexico that lost propulsion and had to be dragged back into harbor.

You know that scene in Romeo and Juliet where one of the character dies basically because his friends think he's kidding around? My parents are slightly less responsive to what I say than that crowd.

Oh, and I had another one of those attacks today, and in this scenario i threatened suicide... And then I was ignored, so I did it.

(Before you worry too much, no, I'm not going to kill myself. It's not that serious. I'm picturing it happening, but I don't feel any actual desire to end my life. It's never gonna happen.)

The anxiety/trembling from that one started... eh, ten, twenty minutes ago and has yet to fade.

So yeah. Kind of freaked out now. Gonna... gonna go play some games and try to forget about this whole mess

[JNAProductions]

I'm feeling kinda lonely and crappy right now.

I've never been on a cruise but nothing I've heard of them sounds appealing. I still remember that ship in the gulf of mexico that lost propulsion and had to be dragged back into harbor.

You know that scene in Romeo and Juliet where one of the character dies basically because his friends think he's kidding around? My parents are slightly less responsive to what I say than that crowd.

Oh, and I had another one of those attacks today, and in this scenario i threatened suicide... And then I was ignored, so I did it.

(Before you worry too much, no, I'm not going to kill myself. It's not that serious. I'm picturing it happening, but I don't feel any actual desire to end my life. It's never gonna happen.)

The anxiety/trembling from that one started... eh, ten, twenty minutes ago and has yet to fade.

So yeah. Kind of freaked out now. Gonna... gonna go play some games and try to forget about this whole mess

*Offers hugs*

I'm sorry about your situation. Is there anything I or anyone else here can do to help?

[AlexanderML]

Spoiler

Show

Man, that suuuucks. That said, I've been in similar situations before, and for me it's always a question of risks vs. rewards. Is the miserableness you feel at not being able to date her worth having her as a friend? Is the possibility of losing her an acceptable risk for the chance at a relationship? While I second the earlier advice that you can't really know how she'd react, I'd wait to express romantic attraction until she's single, just to help your chances. It's possible she's into you, don't ever forget that.

(Psst. Over here. I've got some dubious advice to offer you. :P Depending on your age and your social circles, it's possible to use some less direct methods of ascertaining your likelihood of success. If you've got mutual friends you trust that would talk to her for you, you could see if they'd be willing to ask leading questions to get a better gague of her interest. Not like "So-and-so likes you, do you like them back?" but more subtle. It's intel gathering rather than you not being able to ask her yourself. And at worst, if she figures out what's going on, she has the option to decide how to react, whether to pretend she doesn't know for the sake of the friendship or not. I, not being very confident or socially adept, was a big fan of these kinds of missions back in the day, but they can be risky, so it's up to you. There are a lot of "Just ask her!" proponents out there. Use your best judgement, or get the advice of someone closer to the situation who you trust.

(Fixed that spoiler)

Spoiler: More stuff.

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Well I'm defiantly not going to express my feelings to her till after she's out of that relationship. I do see it as a risk worth taking.

I've had sad feelings through this, with jealousy and despair when I saw her talking to some handsome guy, to the utter gut retching idea of the possibility of her bringing the person she is dating with her on Halloween to hang out with the small group circle me and her share. I still want to hug her a lot, which was very evident to me when we were bumping shoulders for an hour when traveling, as well as from some of her playful words. I try (and seem to do well in) not to let these things change my outward actions/appearance.

Though some good things have also happened. I'm focusing on getting better at speaking to her face to face with that working slowly. She's said that she'd rather hang out with the D&D group than see the person she is dating, and I got her to talk to me when she was feeling sad.

She feels like she is only the background character in everyone's mind (including the person she is dating) and seemed lonely. I told her that she is awesome and told her that she is important to me (with some other advice), which gave me four thank yous and her saying she cried from what I said. Felt wonderful to hear that (the part about her feeling really happy about what I said, not her problems, sorta, maybe a little from her date not helping with the problem).

[sktarq]

My hands are actually still pretty good, they only hurt occasionally - my knees and my left arm make the most problems. But I'll keep your tip in mind, thanks.

I'm glad they are good but if it is a chronic vs an acute issue I'd really recommend you do everything to start protecting them now. In many cases development is only the negative direction-so preventing degradation becomes a major goal.

[Insane Trystane]

(Fixed that spoiler)

Spoiler: More stuff.

Show

Well I'm defiantly not going to express my feelings to her till after she's out of that relationship. I do see it as a risk worth taking.

I've had sad feelings through this, with jealousy and despair when I saw her talking to some handsome guy, to the utter gut retching idea of the possibility of her bringing the person she is dating with her on Halloween to hang out with the small group circle me and her share. I still want to hug her a lot, which was very evident to me when we were bumping shoulders for an hour when traveling, as well as from some of her playful words. I try (and seem to do well in) not to let these things change my outward actions/appearance.

Though some good things have also happened. I'm focusing on getting better at speaking to her face to face with that working slowly. She's said that she'd rather hang out with the D&D group than see the person she is dating, and I got her to talk to me when she was feeling sad.

She feels like she is only the background character in everyone's mind (including the person she is dating) and seemed lonely. I told her that she is awesome and told her that she is important to me (with some other advice), which gave me four thank yous and her saying she cried from what I said. Felt wonderful to hear that (the part about her feeling really happy about what I said, not her problems, sorta, maybe a little from her date not helping with the problem).

Spoiler

Show

Nice! As a female, I'm currently struggling with the fear that a friend of mine will want to stop hanging out with me if he knows I'm not available for a romantic relationship, so from my perspective the best thing you can do is take that kinda-cliched stance that "I'd rather be her lover than her friend, but I'd rather be her friend than her nothing." Which it sounds like you're doing. She sounds like genuine friends are very valuable to her right now, and a relationship that comes from that place would be the best case scenario, from what I can tell.

There's a lot more I'd like to say, but since I've got almost the exact opposite problem as you I'll refrain, or maybe put it up in the Relationships thread. Just know that your situation isn't uncommon, and wanting what's best for her while also keeping in mind your own needs is the best thing you can do at this point.

And hopefully I used the spoiler tag correctly this time. :P

[Lycunadari]

Update! I got a copy of everything the rheumatologist sent to my GP, including the results of the blood tests. There are some abnormal results, but just from looking them up, they don't seem to indicate anything specific. Also, he writes that I don't have acute Lyme, and that an "inflammatory-rheumatic systemic illness / vasculitis" (not sure if that's the right translation) can be ruled out (also, no hypermobility). I'm not sure where that leaves me. I still have the appointment next week, and I hope he'll tell me something helpful then. But right now, I feel actually a bit disappointed - not that I /want/ to have a bad illness, but I'm already feeling really bad, so I'd at least like to know why (and hopefully be able to do anything against it.)

(My sister has a pretty bad coenzyme Q10 deficiency, and that can be genetic, so I'm going to ask my GP next week to be tested for that. I just wanted to wait till after the rheumy appointment in case he has any better ideas.)

According to my mum I should be glad it isnt lyme or whatever else he tested for, but I'm just feeling really down right now.

[dehro]

So... A week ago I had my biopsy done and was dismissed from hospital the following day, to wait for the results to come in. I took a few days off work to convalesce (is that a word? I do feel it should be) but something unexpected happened. News came from Holland that my grandma had taken a turn for the worse. She had been diagnosed in mid-September with an incurable tumor and we were told she wouldn't live another year, so it wasn't unexpected. What was surprising was how quick she went from doing worse to passing away, shortly after midnight this Saturday. A mere four days and it was over, which is a blessing. My other grandmother suffered for months before she finally lost the battle. Together with two of my siblings we took the roadtrip from Italy to Amsterdam which brought us here at 6am this morning, in time for the burial which, in Jewish tradition, was performed today (that is to say, as soon as possible).
She was 87, married for almost 66, much loved and led quite a happy life after the hardships of ww2, especially in her later years I'd say she was happy. My grandfather is taking her passing on the chin and with the usual strenght of character he has displayed in most circumstances of life. The whole ceremony today was one of largely joyous celebration and I know that these things are natural and quite normal.
What I am having some thoughts about is the fact that I feel that I should be sadder and more... Affected. Instead I'm taking this rather well, with even the occasional expression of gallows humour... I never had the urge to blink back a tear because I never really had a tear to shed, not even when I was assisting in lowering her in the ground...
I know I loved her and she was always kind to me. Our relationship was as good as distance would allow it to be despite me not really keeping much in touch... Yet I can't find in me the urge to mourn her properly, whatever properly might mean. I think I am more worried about my grandad reeling from the blow than I am sad for my own loss.... And can't help thinking that I somehow owe her more.
/rant.

[JNAProductions]

So... A week ago I had my biopsy done and was dismissed from hospital the following day, to wait for the results to come in. I took a few days off work to convalesce (is that a word? I do feel it should be) but something unexpected happened. News came from Holland that my grandma had taken a turn for the worse. She had been diagnosed in mid-September with an incurable tumor and we were told she wouldn't live another year, so it wasn't unexpected. What was surprising was how quick she went from doing worse to passing away, shortly after midnight this Saturday. A mere four days and it was over, which is a blessing. My other grandmother suffered for months before she finally lost the battle. Together with two of my siblings we took the roadtrip from Italy to Amsterdam which brought us here at 6am this morning, in time for the burial which, in Jewish tradition, was performed today (that is to say, as soon as possible).
She was 87, married for almost 66, much loved and led quite a happy life after the hardships of ww2, especially in her later years I'd say she was happy. My grandfather is taking her passing on the chin and with the usual strenght of character he has displayed in most circumstances of life. The whole ceremony today was one of largely joyous celebration and I know that these things are natural and quite normal.
What I am having some thoughts about is the fact that I feel that I should be sadder and more... Affected. Instead I'm taking this rather well, with even the occasional expression of gallows humour... I never had the urge to blink back a tear because I never really had a tear to shed, not even when I was assisting in lowering her in the ground...
I know I loved her and she was always kind to me. Our relationship was as good as distance would allow it to be despite me not really keeping much in touch... Yet I can't find in me the urge to mourn her properly, whatever properly might mean. I think I am more worried about my grandad reeling from the blow than I am sad for my own loss.... And can't help thinking that I somehow owe her more.
/rant.

*Offers hugs*

I'm sorry to hear the news. Your grandmother sounds like a great woman, and the world is worse for her passing.

[sktarq]

Dehro - I am sorry for your loss. Don't feel bad about feeling like you don't feel bad enough. People take a variable amount of time to deal with their emotions after a loss. I may hit like a ton of bricks next weak, or on your birthday when there is no card from her, or may just be a slow burn over months. That you don't grieve the way that you've been expecting is nothing to be ashamed of.

[dehro]

Thank you both.. I guess that I will have to wait and see if this will creep up on me later or not.

[Lycunadari]

*offers hugs to dehro* I'm sorry for your loss.


The rheumatologist appointment today went terrible. He seems to be convinced that all my problems just come from my mental illnesses because the blood test results all came back normal (and the few that didn't apparently don't mean anything). He was friendly enough, but he talked over me, didn't listen to what I said and brushed of my suggestions.
He suggested I try tai chi (and ignored me saying that right now every single movement hurts), said I should go to a solarium after I said that I've been feeling worse the last couple of weeks (but ignored that my problems already started getting worse in spring, nevermind that afaik joint pain isn't affected by how much sun I get*). He said a whole bunch of "try thinking more positive thoughts! Self-confidence! Be proud that you managed to not drop out of uni! (about 50% of biology students quit during the first two semesters, I'm in my third semester) Well, moving away from home is always stressful" and ignored when I said that my mental health was actually pretty good before my physical health got so much worse, and that my physical health was still way better during my (mentally) worst periods, and that I moved out 2 years ago and was /fine/ and my joints only got so much worse in the last couple of months (they have been acting up from time to time for many years, but it was never bad enough that I asked a doctor about it, and now they're bad enough I sometimes can barely walk).
He literally said "You have to be your own therapist now."
And when I told him about my sister's Q10 deficiency, he just shrugged and said he doesn't know much about it, but doesn't believe there's much to it, but if I want, I can just buy some and try it. He sounded incredibly dismissive.

Overall, he seems to think because /he/ doesn't know what's wrong with me, there clearly isn't anything wrong at all and I just need to be more ~positive~ and I'll "heal" myself.

(Oh, and this gem: "You've been dealing with these problems for so long, you can't expect it to go away in two weeks. Doctors can't give you a magical pill to solve everything." Like, seriously? Does he really think I expect to be cured immediately?)


*apart from vitamin d deficiency, but I'm already taking supplements for that and have normal levels now.

[dehro]

Just a thought, when I had some rheumatic pains, this was attributed to sarcoidosis, but it did come within a different context of other symptoms (and the accuracy of the diagnosis is still in doubt).
I'm just saying the rheumatic pains may be a symptom of something completely different.

[JNAProductions]

So I've got a friend who lashes out when she's depressed and refuses to listen to anything other than "You're right, everything sucks". Does anyone know anything that might help, or just... I dunno. Anything at all? I'm honestly kinda concerned for her.

[Taet]

dehro I would like to sit with you awhile in the spot for people who are supposed to be grieving in sadness but are not. It is a strange seat.

[dehro]

dehro I would like to sit with you awhile in the spot for people who are supposed to be grieving in sadness but are not. It is a strange seat.

By all means, there's plenty of room.

[TechnOkami]

By all means, there's plenty of room.

Good, I need to be part of this as well.

[Icewraith]

Years after the family dog died, my parents found what was probably her favorite toy while cleaning the house and had it out on the mantle. I stopped by for a visit, saw it, and dissolved on the spot. Sometimes it takes awhile.

People respond to things differently. Just because it would be convenient to get all your grieving out at the funeral or immediately afterwards doesn't mean it will work that way. Just because other people are feeling a certain way at a certain time doesn't mean you should be. Competitive grieving isn't healthy.

Don't think too hard about what you are or are not feeling. If you're crying, go ahead and cry, and if you're not crying, don't force it. Just be.

[Rubik]

Update on the Lycanthromancer situation.

[dehro]

On a positive note, the surgeon got the results back from the lab... Apparently they're going back to the original diagnosis of sarcoidosis... So, no lymphoma for me! Yay!!!

[sktarq]

That good news I take it! In which case very glad to hear it.

[Jon_Dahl]

A lecturer is trying to harm my university studies.

I'm a freshman and we have this lecturer (I like to call him "teacher", although he labels himself "instructor") that is making my life hard at the university. He has this style of tormenting and humiliting students and he really enjoys every second of it, you can tell that from the big grin on his face. Our lectures have something like 70 to 90 people, depending on the day, and he just suddenly points out quiet students from the crowd and makes them answer questions. I'm quiet and shy, but my method has been answering questions whenever I can. Thus the lecturer has left me in peace with his random questions since I'm active. At least this is what I imagine. However, everything was blown to hell a few days ago.

He teaches (lectures on) English grammar. He was asking a multiple choice question about a certain sentence, so I picked a choice and I was ready to present an argument why I had chosen that option. However, he told it wasn't the right option and he didn't care to listen to my argument. Then I told him, politely, that I didn't know and I wished to pass the answering turn to the next student (Those weren't the actual words that I used, but anyway). He flatly dismissed my wish. Seeing that I didn't want to "play anymore" he tormented me with three additional questions and I got a mild panic attack. I haven't had one for years, and this one wasn't that strong, but it destroyed me for a moment. I couldn't have even remembered my own name. Everyone laughed at me. And I'm not just saying that. Everyone actually did laugh at me, save a few polite and intelligent students. Then the lecturer said that we need to feel that we don't know things so that when we are teachers, we will know how our students feel. He felt that making us feel dumb was a part of his grand plan.

I've been thinking about my choices.
1. I will not go to this lectures anymore because I think I could re-develop my old anxiety disorders. I don't learn that much with that "nutty professor" (He must think it's cute, but it's not) so I can study the material at home anyway.
2. I could report him, but I don't think I have that much to go by. It was just an isolated incident, but I'm sure that now that he has discovered my weakness, he will press on more.
3. I could seek help with my anxiety, but I haven't had anything for years. The thing is that I think I will develop something because of this guy and then I will certainly have to seek help.
4. I could talk to him, but it's obvious that he likes it. I loves tormenting us and he has already given his argument: You have to feel like you don't know things, so that you can understand your students, and blahblah. I find that argument extremely poor, but it's his method.

I have felt pretty down this week, moreso than in years. The anxiety attack has left me in a weird state. I should do a lot of things for my studies, but I just keep playing Firefall and ignore life.

Edit: This could also be some sort of a cultural difference thing, since we are all Nordics and he's from the US, but I doubt it. I don't think that sadism is a part of the American curriculum, so I don't think it's any cultural thing.

[FinnLassie]

You really need to discuss with your professor one to one and ask what he really means with what he said about feeling like you don't know and to open up that concept. You also need to openly state that the situation brought you a lot of anxiety and discomfort. Lectures are meant to be open for small debate and discussion, but there's a limit for grilling the students.

[Jon_Dahl]

There's no actual debating or discussion there. Whenever someone tries to express any views, he doesn't listen, he just goes steamrolling. It's just about grilling, really. Sudden, ruthless grilling, with a big smile on his face. For instance, I couldn't present my argument, and no one can. Once I managed to tell my point of view even though he went "NO NO NO NO NO" on me. That was just once.

[TechnOkami]

So get his superior and talk to them. If you can't deal with the offending party directly go to someone who can do something about it.