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  1. - Top - End - #211
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

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    Quote Originally Posted by sktarq View Post
    That good news I take it! In which case very glad to hear it.
    It's not a clean bill of health, but it's worlds better than the alternative, so yeah, good news
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  3. - Top - End - #213
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jon_Dahl View Post
    A lecturer is trying to harm my university studies.

    I'm a freshman and we have this lecturer (I like to call him "teacher", although he labels himself "instructor") that is making my life hard at the university. He has this style of tormenting and humiliting students and he really enjoys every second of it, you can tell that from the big grin on his face. Our lectures have something like 70 to 90 people, depending on the day, and he just suddenly points out quiet students from the crowd and makes them answer questions. I'm quiet and shy, but my method has been answering questions whenever I can. Thus the lecturer has left me in peace with his random questions since I'm active. At least this is what I imagine. However, everything was blown to hell a few days ago.

    He teaches (lectures on) English grammar. He was asking a multiple choice question about a certain sentence, so I picked a choice and I was ready to present an argument why I had chosen that option. However, he told it wasn't the right option and he didn't care to listen to my argument. Then I told him, politely, that I didn't know and I wished to pass the answering turn to the next student (Those weren't the actual words that I used, but anyway). He flatly dismissed my wish. Seeing that I didn't want to "play anymore" he tormented me with three additional questions and I got a mild panic attack. I haven't had one for years, and this one wasn't that strong, but it destroyed me for a moment. I couldn't have even remembered my own name. Everyone laughed at me. And I'm not just saying that. Everyone actually did laugh at me, save a few polite and intelligent students. Then the lecturer said that we need to feel that we don't know things so that when we are teachers, we will know how our students feel. He felt that making us feel dumb was a part of his grand plan.

    I've been thinking about my choices.
    1. I will not go to this lectures anymore because I think I could re-develop my old anxiety disorders. I don't learn that much with that "nutty professor" (He must think it's cute, but it's not) so I can study the material at home anyway.
    2. I could report him, but I don't think I have that much to go by. It was just an isolated incident, but I'm sure that now that he has discovered my weakness, he will press on more.
    3. I could seek help with my anxiety, but I haven't had anything for years. The thing is that I think I will develop something because of this guy and then I will certainly have to seek help.
    4. I could talk to him, but it's obvious that he likes it. I loves tormenting us and he has already given his argument: You have to feel like you don't know things, so that you can understand your students, and blahblah. I find that argument extremely poor, but it's his method.

    I have felt pretty down this week, moreso than in years. The anxiety attack has left me in a weird state. I should do a lot of things for my studies, but I just keep playing Firefall and ignore life.

    Edit: This could also be some sort of a cultural difference thing, since we are all Nordics and he's from the US, but I doubt it. I don't think that sadism is a part of the American curriculum, so I don't think it's any cultural thing.
    1: Find out what his office hours are.

    2: Find a buddy or two, preferably one who also attends the class and one that does not, to go with you. Maybe also a voice recorder if you tell everyone you want to record the conversation.

    2a: Consider talking to your school's psychological services.

    3: Take your buddy/ies, go to his office hours, (tell him you want to record the conversation) and tell him that he's destabilizing a mental issue you've had under control for years. Ask him to stop.

    4: Take your recorder to the next lectures. Make sure it's turned on and you have space, etc (you don't need to inform him of this, many people record lectures so they can take better notes later). If he retaliates in class, you've got proof.

    5: It's possible he's got some sort of strategy here, the lecture technique is an act, and he'll drop it once he's made his point. However he should probably tell you that when you do 3.

    5a: If there is still a problem (i.e. he retaliates in class), consider a visit to psych services again.

    6: If there is still a problem, take it up the chain- department head, HR, etc. You will have two eyewitnesses, recorded conversations, and medical records to back up your claim that there is a problem. When you have that sort of stuff, administrators tend to sit up and take notice.

    7: If there is STILL a problem, we've probably moved into the realm of legal advice, which you must get somewhere else. Up to this point, it's simply been resolving a conflict and dealing with bureaucracy. However, the documentation you have of the problem will most likely be useful in the legal realm. Ideally the problem stops at step three when you tell the professor you have a legitimate problem, but you should still implement step four, just in case.

    Edit: I reread the post- unfortunately, English Grammar is one of those subjects where a logical argument won't actually get you anywhere a lot of the time. Sometimes the rules basically boil down to "it doesn't sound right when you do it that way". It sounds like he's already sort of given the class a look at his master plan but you probably should still tell him he's gone too far in your case. If he wants to feel what he's putting his students through, suggest he chug a red bull or two and then spend two hours in a sensory deprivation tank, to maybe get the sensation of your body going into adrenaline mode even though you know damn well you're not under any sort of physical threat.
    Last edited by Icewraith; 2015-11-10 at 04:52 PM.
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  4. - Top - End - #214
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post

    4: Take your recorder to the next lectures. Make sure it's turned on and you have space, etc (you don't need to inform him of this, many people record lectures so they can take better notes later). If he retaliates in class, you've got proof.
    Check your local laws on that. In Germany for example, this could get you into trouble.

    Otherwise, this sounds like a viable strategy to me.


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  5. - Top - End - #215
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Back to wishing I was dead every waking moment of my life. Hooray!

  6. - Top - End - #216
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    So I've got a friend who lashes out when she's depressed and refuses to listen to anything other than "You're right, everything sucks". Does anyone know anything that might help, or just... I dunno. Anything at all? I'm honestly kinda concerned for her.
    Try to ask her (when she's in a good state of mind) what she thinks can help?

    I have a really depressed friend who mostly needs "that sounds really tough, I'm sorry you're dealing with that" noises and hugs when she is down. Not advice, just understanding and being-there. It's kinda draining for the supporter, but still, worth a try.

    Also, *hugs* to you. Being scared for a friend is no fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycunadari View Post
    Overall, he seems to think because /he/ doesn't know what's wrong with me, there clearly isn't anything wrong at all and I just need to be more ~positive~ and I'll "heal" myself.
    Wow. Time to find a new rheumatologist. Have you been having any luck in the intervening week?

    Sorry you have to deal with that BS on top of pain and exhaustion and everything. *hugs*

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    3: Take your buddy/ies, go to his office hours, (tell him you want to record the conversation) and tell him that he's destabilizing a mental issue you've had under control for years. Ask him to stop.
    He has already given his reasons for this teaching style, so I think there's nothing to lose from approaching him in good faith. "I understand your reasons, but I'm one of those students who really don't need to be taught this. Also, mental health issues. I'd appreciate it if you consider that part of the lesson plan learned in advance."
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  7. - Top - End - #217
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Back to wishing I was dead every waking moment of my life. Hooray!
    Is there anything we can do to help?
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  8. - Top - End - #218
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    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    Is there anything we can do to help?
    Unless you can make me attractive, or a beautiful woman, or convince people to see me as more than a pestilence upon the earth and more as someone they'd possibly love, probably not.

    Alternatively, if you have a way to override y self-preservation instinct that stops me from killing myself, then I would be very grateful if you divulged that information.

  9. - Top - End - #219
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by JNAProductions View Post
    I'm feeling kinda lonely and crappy right now.


    *Offers hugs*

    I'm sorry about your situation. Is there anything I or anyone else here can do to help?
    Doubtful, and I'm not sure I want help. Getting upset because your family is planning a cruise you don't wanna go on is the epitome of rich people problems.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Unless you can make me attractive, or a beautiful woman, or convince people to see me as more than a pestilence upon the earth and more as someone they'd possibly love, probably not.

    Alternatively, if you have a way to override y self-preservation instinct that stops me from killing myself, then I would be very grateful if you divulged that information.
    Thought about killing myself a lot in middle and high school. Have you tried black comedy, and/or tossing what people think of you to the winds because most are *******s who don't matter?

    I personally went with the latter and have yet to regret it. The former is good in small doses.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

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  10. - Top - End - #220
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    Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
    Thought about killing myself a lot in middle and high school. Have you tried black comedy, and/or tossing what people think of you to the winds because most are *******s who don't matter?

    I personally went with the latter and have yet to regret it. The former is good in small doses.
    I can't stand black comedy, and what people think of me always matters. Tossing it to the winds is pure arrogance, and would certainly never help me escape the loneliness that makes me constantly beg for death.

  11. - Top - End - #221
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Unless you can make me attractive, or a beautiful woman, or convince people to see me as more than a pestilence upon the earth and more as someone they'd possibly love, probably not.

    Alternatively, if you have a way to override y self-preservation instinct that stops me from killing myself, then I would be very grateful if you divulged that information.
    You can make yourself reasonably attractive, guaranteed.

    (Needless to say, we can't do it for you.)

    And I will continue to believe that intelligence is a pretty powerful asset for you, even in macho Australia.
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  12. - Top - End - #222
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    You can make yourself reasonably attractive, guaranteed.

    (Needless to say, we can't do it for you.)

    And I will continue to believe that intelligence is a pretty powerful asset for you, even in macho Australia.
    No I can't. Not without extensive, and way out of my price range, cosmetic surgery. Not to mention I'd somehow need to become at least 5 inches taller, lose all my interests in favour of sports obsession and modern pop culture worship, and somehow be making around 5+ times the amount of money I currently do.
    Most of those are virtually impossible and at least one is physically impossible for me.

    And in this country, intelligence is the single most useless attribute you can have. Intelligence is utterly worthless in the face of strength, wealth and good looks. No-one is attracted to intelligence unless it's attached to the former criteria I mentioned.

  13. - Top - End - #223
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    No I can't. Not without extensive, and way out of my price range, cosmetic surgery. Not to mention I'd somehow need to become at least 5 inches taller, lose all my interests in favour of sports obsession and modern pop culture worship, and somehow be making around 5+ times the amount of money I currently do.
    Most of those are virtually impossible and at least one is physically impossible for me.

    And in this country, intelligence is the single most useless attribute you can have. Intelligence is utterly worthless in the face of strength, wealth and good looks. No-one is attracted to intelligence unless it's attached to the former criteria I mentioned.
    Intelligence can easily be used as a path to wealth if properly applied. Without needing to go into deeper details, that's exactly what I did over the last decade.

    Strength can be acquired too, if one is serious about it. Obviously, you'll always be short, but you can build some muscle. Try starting for free at home by doing push-ups whenever you have a minute. ~15-20 to start, anything's already better than nothing.

    As I mentioned already to you in the past, my only other source of Australian cultural info is my ex who's been over there for years and who did support (generally) your opinion, albeit in a much less extreme manner. I have to say I still think you're really exaggerating. Out of curiosity, can anyone (else) from over there confirm that intelligence is indeed absolutely useless in Australia? At the moment, I'm going to continue to take your assertions with a huge grain of salt.

    You're highly intelligent, your identical twin has already been called attractive by people a couple times at least -- those are pretty good starting points. Boo hoo, you're not tall. Half the people are shorter than average, and they aren't all committing suicide over it (and if they did, another further quarter of the population would then have to do the same, and so on.)

    And your hobbies -- okay, they might be considered weird (though probably not despicable like you seem to think) by typical Australians, but there's really no need to share all of them or even most of them with your significant other.

    As a matter of fact, I have at least one hobby of mine that every single one of my gfs has greatly disliked (I think the most favorable one is my current one, who doesn't actively hate it). No big deal.

    I'm way more than just a bunch of hobbies in a body of flesh and bones, and so are you.
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  14. - Top - End - #224
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    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    As I mentioned already to you in the past, my only other source of Australian cultural info is my ex who's been over there for years and who did support (generally) your opinion, albeit in a much less extreme manner. I have to say I still think you're really exaggerating. Out of curiosity, can anyone (else) from over there confirm that intelligence is indeed absolutely useless in Australia? At the moment, I'm going to continue to take your assertions with a huge grain of salt.
    I'm Australian. My entire family still lives over there, and I visit regularly. I would not agree that intelligence is without value in Australia - although appearing to brag about one's intelligence was a pretty big social no-no, and it was fairly easy to do that by accident. You absolutely do not want to give the impression that you think you're smarter than the person you're talking with.

    (For example, this is a pretty standard type of polite conversation I would have in the US, when I was a grad student at Harvard:

    Other person: So, what do you do?
    Me (a few years ago): Oh, I'm a PhD student.
    Other person: Ah, neat! Where do you study?
    Me: At Harvard.
    Other person: Ooh, lucky! That must be awesome.

    In Australia, I found out rather than "Ooh, lucky!", I would more commonly collect a hostile glare and "Huh! I guess you think you're pretty smart!" or something along those lines. So I just started resorting to the time-honored vagueness of "In the States - I live in Boston" as a substitute for "at Harvard".)

    Of course, these are generalizations about a fairly large country, and I only sampled a few social groups within it - so as usual, giant grain of salt. But since we're talking in giant generalizations anyway...

    I guess intelligence per se is maybe less of an... asset you advertise than in the US? I feel like in the context of being attractive to others, intelligence is valuable because it makes you a more interesting conversationalist and more likely to have good future prospects - if despite your intelligence you are a super boring conversationalist and you're working in McDonalds with no plans to move on, simply having a high IQ probably won't do that much for you. Certainly, mentioning it will not impress people. But I don't think the person whose only asset is their score of 150 on an IQ test has much going for them in the US, either...

    I'm a woman (and also aromantic), but the vast majority of my friendship group while I lived in Australia consisted of male nerds, as it was sourced mostly from math/physics classes at university and fellow D&D players. I was only 22 when I left, and I guess about half of them (mostly around my age) had girlfriends at that point; I think most of them are married now (nine years later).
    Last edited by Ifni; 2015-11-10 at 11:13 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Snark View Post
    I must not argue on the Internet.
    Internet argument is the mind-killer.
    It is the little death that brings total aggravation.
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    When it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see its path.
    Where the irritation has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Intelligence can easily be used as a path to wealth if properly applied. Without needing to go into deeper details, that's exactly what I did over the last decade.
    Luck is far more of a contributing factor than intelligence in that regard.

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Strength can be acquired too, if one is serious about it. Obviously, you'll always be short, but you can build some muscle. Try starting for free at home by doing push-ups whenever you have a minute. ~15-20 to start, anything's already better than nothing.
    I'd still be lacking behind those that have been doing it for years, decades even. The kind of person people actually desire.

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    As I mentioned already to you in the past, my only other source of Australian cultural info is my ex who's been over there for years and who did support (generally) your opinion, albeit in a much less extreme manner. I have to say I still think you're really exaggerating. Out of curiosity, can anyone (else) from over there confirm that intelligence is indeed absolutely useless in Australia? At the moment, I'm going to continue to take your assertions with a huge grain of salt.
    I'm not even close to exaggerating. Though don't let that stop you from allowing others to lie to you to try and make me look foolish.

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    You're highly intelligent, your identical twin has already been called attractive by people a couple times at least -- those are pretty good starting points. Boo hoo, you're not tall. Half the people are shorter than average, and they aren't all committing suicide over it (and if they did, another further quarter of the population would then have to do the same, and so on.)
    Yes, my brother. Specifically him and specifically not me. We don't look completely identical, no twins do. And I'm probably actually equal or close to the average height for an Australian of my age. Unfortunately, that still falls below the minimum height for people to desire me and see me as an adult man (6 feet minimum, or they are sure to mock you behind your back). Desirable standards aren't always equal to "average".

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    And your hobbies -- okay, they might be considered weird (though probably not despicable like you seem to think) by typical Australians, but there's really no need to share all of them or even most of them with your significant other.
    Weird and despicable. Here, it's sports and brute strength, or you're not fit to be a "man". And given I'll never get to transition, I'd better get used to it.

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    As a matter of fact, I have at least one hobby of mine that every single one of my gfs has greatly disliked (I think the most favorable one is my current one, who doesn't actively hate it). No big deal.
    So the best I should shoot for is "doesn't actively despise everything you love"?

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    I'm way more than just a bunch of hobbies in a body of flesh and bones, and so are you.
    Then what the hell are you? Without my hobbies, there's nothing about me that makes me different from a robot, except that I'll wither and die long before the robot rusts or breaks.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Unfortunately, that still falls below the minimum height for people to desire me and see me as an adult man (6 feet minimum, or they are sure to mock you behind your back).
    OK, this is hyperbole/insecurity.

    Source: Australian dad, brothers, and many male friends who are below six feet tall (mostly around five ten or so) and have had no particular trouble finding love or being seen as adults. Google says average Australian adult male height is about five foot nine.
    (How do you know people are mocking you, if it's behind your back?)
    Last edited by Ifni; 2015-11-10 at 11:17 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Snark View Post
    I must not argue on the Internet.
    Internet argument is the mind-killer.
    It is the little death that brings total aggravation.
    I will face my annoyance.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    When it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see its path.
    Where the irritation has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

  17. - Top - End - #227
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifni View Post
    OK, this is hyperbole/insecurity.

    Source: Australian dad, brothers, and many male friends who are below six feet tall (mostly around five ten or so) and have had no particular trouble finding love or being seen as adults. Google says average Australian adult male height is about five foot nine.
    (How do you know people are mocking you, if it's behind your back?)
    Oh great, so I am a below average "manlet" as they say (five foot seven). Maybe your dad and male friends are "macho" enough that they get pity taken on them? Or maybe they're exceedingly lucky or handsome or rich. There's gotta be more superficial qualities they have to make up for their unacceptable height.

    And I can hear them, or alternatively, word spreads. I've learned over the years how to detect when people are mocking me when they don't have the guts to say it to my face.

    Plus I have every reason to feel insecure when I've spent my whole life being told that these superficial qualities, and my lack thereof, make me an inferior being.
    Last edited by Skeppio; 2015-11-10 at 11:31 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Maybe your dad and male friends are "macho" enough that they get pity taken on them?
    I may add more to this later, but just wanted to note for reference that my youngest brother's favorite T-shirt looks like this:

    (and yes, it's a comic reference, here)

    My (Australian-born-and-bred) male family members do not really do "macho". And no, they're not gay. Dad's been happily married for 30+ years and my youngest brother (the T-shirt wearer) has had a steady girlfriend for several years now. There are acceptable models of Australian masculinity that are not the burly blonde surfer/cricket player with a stubbie in his hand. If you end up continuing to present as masculine, you do not need to erase the nerdy parts of your identity just to be acceptable to Australian society as a whole, although I can't speak for the immediate group of people you're dealing with.

    (Also, see above: most of my male friends were from uni math/physics classes or people I met through D&D. My friendship group in Australia was deeply nerdy and almost exclusively comprised of guys. And not excessively tall, handsome or rich guys - we were penniless uni students!)

    Regarding insecurity: yeah, I know, and that's rough - school bullying took a hatchet to my self-esteem as well. But you know, at least intellectually, that they are not in fact correct about your inferiority. Insecurity can cause you to infer negative judgements that aren't actually present, and on height, at least, I'd be a bit surprised if at five foot seven it's quite as bad as you think.

    EDIT: Also, just a note: if you do decide to transition at any point, being five seven rather than six feet tall would probably work really well. That height looks to be comfortably within the distribution for Australian cis women (albeit on the tall end), so you shouldn't have much trouble finding clothes and so on.
    Last edited by Ifni; 2015-11-11 at 12:15 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Snark View Post
    I must not argue on the Internet.
    Internet argument is the mind-killer.
    It is the little death that brings total aggravation.
    I will face my annoyance.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    When it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see its path.
    Where the irritation has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

  19. - Top - End - #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Mouse View Post

    Wow. Time to find a new rheumatologist. Have you been having any luck in the intervening week?

    Sorry you have to deal with that BS on top of pain and exhaustion and everything. *hugs*
    I don't think there's much use in looking for another rheumy right now - he did a lot of tests, and while he was a jerk, I don't think he was completely incompetent.

    I'm now waiting for the results from the coenzyme 10 test (hopefully I get them tomorrow), but I already stared taking supplements. And waiting for the neurologist my GP recommended to come back from vacation on Monday so I can make an appointment. Hopefully I don't have to wait months for the appointment.

    Also, I'm thinking about taking next semester off if I'm still feeling this bad next year (new semester starts in April), so I can really focus all my energy on at least finding out what's wrong and maybe getting better. There's an out-patient pain clinic near my parent's home, and while I'm not quite that desperate yet, I'll keep the option of going there in mind.
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  20. - Top - End - #230
    Colossus in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Australian here. We have a pretty big sport culture, but there's also plenty of nerds, geeks, hipster, Bohemian and other intellect-favouring communities around. I found the observation about not bragging about your intelligence an interesting one. I don't think I can deny it, though the specifics weren't really familiar. But yeah, there's plenty of space for the "non-macho" types, even if maybe one has to go looking a bit, and avoid commercial TV.
    So yeah, no. Just for everyone's information, although a decent number are present, Australia's population is not exclusively made up of knuckle-dragging anti-intellectual troglodytes.

  21. - Top - End - #231
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Oh great, so I am a below average "manlet" as they say (five foot seven). Maybe your dad and male friends are "macho" enough that they get pity taken on them? Or maybe they're exceedingly lucky or handsome or rich. There's gotta be more superficial qualities they have to make up for their unacceptable height.

    And I can hear them, or alternatively, word spreads. I've learned over the years how to detect when people are mocking me when they don't have the guts to say it to my face.

    Plus I have every reason to feel insecure when I've spent my whole life being told that these superficial qualities, and my lack thereof, make me an inferior being.
    If you're 5'7" and not excessively muscular you've actually got a pretty good setup for transitioning to female.

    Nothing is ever going to get instantly better, but with time and effort things can absolutely get better. There will also be occasional setbacks. Meds and therapy aren't just about preventing issues, but also about recovering from them and figuring out how to better handle things in the future.

    Difficult is not the same as hopeless. We're lacking in magic wands, but if you can secure the resources becoming a woman is entirely possible. If your best asset is your intellect, you need to figure out how to exploit it. Look into any branch of engineering for a way to secure good pay and medical benefits, for instance.
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  22. - Top - End - #232
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Skeppio View Post
    Luck is far more of a contributing factor than intelligence in that regard.
    Both are useful. The latter is the only one you can control, though. And it, alone, usually suffices.




    I'd still be lacking behind those that have been doing it for years, decades even. The kind of person people actually desire.
    Not at all. It's surprising how quickly you'll see results.



    I'm not even close to exaggerating. Though don't let that stop you from allowing others to lie to you to try and make me look foolish.
    Well, according to (my interpretation of) Ifni and Serpentine, you have been exaggerating, yes.



    So the best I should shoot for is "doesn't actively despise everything you love"?
    That would already be an improvement over your current situation, would it not?



    Then what the hell are you? Without my hobbies, there's nothing about me that makes me different from a robot, except that I'll wither and die long before the robot rusts or breaks.
    I'm a person. I like many things, generally have a positive outlook on life, will likely enjoy someone else's (i.e. a gf of mine) hobbies even if they weren't previously mine, have a good (IMO) sense of humor and love to laugh, can also support (and give advice) in tougher times, be a travel companion, and obviously a sex partner, etc. In two words, that's what IMO a significant other is supposed to be, generally speaking.

    Hobbies are something one does in their free time, they aren't the be-all-end-all. They don't define you.

    People don't need much, or even any, hobby compatibility to be happy together and have a healthy relationship.
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  23. - Top - End - #233
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifni View Post
    I guess intelligence per se is maybe less of an... asset you advertise than in the US? I feel like in the context of being attractive to others, intelligence is valuable because it makes you a more interesting conversationalist and more likely to have good future prospects - if despite your intelligence you are a super boring conversationalist and you're working in McDonalds with no plans to move on, simply having a high IQ probably won't do that much for you.
    Exactly.

    Intelligence is a great tool that can be applied successfully to pretty much everything in life, including dating.


    Skeppio, if you look at the cards you were dealt, you're actually in a pretty good position. You are intelligent, which is very useful (yes, even in Australia) both for career and for dating prospects. You're nearly of average height, which is totally fine. And to top it off, you've been blessed enough by genetics to have been labeled attractive already.

    From that starting point, it is guaranteed you can turn yourself into a successful hetero cis guy in the field of dating/courtship.

    (Provided, of course, you decide to prioritize finding a partner over transitioning.)
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  24. - Top - End - #234
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Exactly.

    Intelligence is a great tool that can be applied successfully to pretty much everything in life, including dating.


    Skeppio, if you look at the cards you were dealt, you're actually in a pretty good position. You are intelligent, which is very useful (yes, even in Australia) both for career and for dating prospects. You're nearly of average height, which is totally fine. And to top it off, you've been blessed enough by genetics to have been labeled attractive already.

    From that starting point, it is guaranteed you can turn yourself into a successful hetero cis guy in the field of dating/courtship.

    (Provided, of course, you decide to prioritize finding a partner over transitioning.)
    No I haven't.
    Intelligence is hated here, it's utterly worthless against good looks and strength.
    I'm five inches below the minimum desirable height. I'm seen as figuratively and literally less of a person since I don't reach the magic number of six feet.
    No, my brother has been labelled attractive. We don't look exactly alike, that's not how twins work, that's how cartoons depicting twins work. I was asked to tell him someone considered him attractive. But only him, specifically not me.
    And sure, I can be a successful hetero cis guy, but that means wasting the rest of my life living a lie just to get a fake relationship with a girl who loves a lie, not the real me. Not to mention it'd mean spending the rest of my life being told by those around me and the media that I'm worse than Hitler for being born with a penis and a preference for female companionship.

  25. - Top - End - #235
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    OldWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    I cannot find any life partner. . . :(


  26. - Top - End - #236
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Thank you fellow playgrounders for the advice and support, I really appreciate it.

    I have skipped all his lectures this week. Before this week I haven't skipped any lectures, but now I just couldn't face that guy. I would've actually needed to be on those lectures, but I don't feel sad. I just feel happy I haven't seen his mug and heard his accent all week. I'm going to continue in his lectures starting next week, but I have decided to sit all the way at the back and never raise my hand again. Even though everyone who has given me advice in this thread has a solid point, I'm still fairly sure that my new strategy will save me.

    Sometimes I wonder what stems from the personality of a person and what is inherit to the person's culture. Our British lecturer is always extremely polite and sensitive, and he wants everyone to feel comfortable at his lectures. Whenever I raise my hand during his lectures, there's never any conflict and no one going "NO NO NO NO NO" on me. There's just a smiling friendly man who always tries to give a polite answer.

  27. - Top - End - #237
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    Imp

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    If you want strength, you can always get it. (With some effort) Stronglifts will get you results, if you have absolutely zero resources nerdfitness has a bodyweight workout suitable for just starting out.

    However, bulking out may cause issues with a transition later.

    Skeppio, you don't seem to have a lot of room to complain about your body here. If you go closeted or just nonconforming without transitioning you've got just enough height to still be taller than many women that wear short heels, which is probably all the height you need. Your body right now has all the hormones you need to get ripped if you start working out.

    If you transition, you're not overpoweringly tall and you'll have a much more feminine body without the big muscles. My friend would have loved to be 5" shorter and not have huge shoulder-broadening deltoids from years of martial arts.

    Your intellect is only a disadvantage if you don't do anything with it. Society rewards people with the brains to design bridges or engines or code with medical benefits and a healthy salary. You'll never look perfect, but the only people who do (celebrities/models) have an army of personal trainers and chefs and whatnot and looking perfect is their job. For the rest of us mere mortals, we do the best we can with what we have, regardless of what orientation we are. Thanks to science, what we can do about our appearances is actually still a whole hell of a lot.
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  28. - Top - End - #238
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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    Quote Originally Posted by Icewraith View Post
    If you want strength, you can always get it. (With some effort) Stronglifts will get you results, if you have absolutely zero resources nerdfitness has a bodyweight workout suitable for just starting out.

    However, bulking out may cause issues with a transition later.

    Skeppio, you don't seem to have a lot of room to complain about your body here. If you go closeted or just nonconforming without transitioning you've got just enough height to still be taller than many women that wear short heels, which is probably all the height you need. Your body right now has all the hormones you need to get ripped if you start working out.

    If you transition, you're not overpoweringly tall and you'll have a much more feminine body without the big muscles. My friend would have loved to be 5" shorter and not have huge shoulder-broadening deltoids from years of martial arts.

    Your intellect is only a disadvantage if you don't do anything with it. Society rewards people with the brains to design bridges or engines or code with medical benefits and a healthy salary. You'll never look perfect, but the only people who do (celebrities/models) have an army of personal trainers and chefs and whatnot and looking perfect is their job. For the rest of us mere mortals, we do the best we can with what we have, regardless of what orientation we are. Thanks to science, what we can do about our appearances is actually still a whole hell of a lot.
    I don't want strength. I hate the idea of being muscular. But no-one would love me if I'm still a pathetic weedy loser.

    Yep! Them's the breaks. Both things that'd make me happy require sacrificing the other and living either a life of lies, or a life of misery. Isn't my life great?

    I have plenty of room! I'm a hideous malformed freak. My brother's considered attractive because he's not a freakish fat idiot like me. He looks far better, and he's got a figure that isn't embarrassing to look at. And he doesn't have gender dysphoria, so he can work with what he's got easily.

    I still don't look feminine. I'd still be a hideous malformed freak who should never have been born. There's no "win" scenario with my body.

    Society does not reward intelligence like that, it never does. It rewards good looks, strength, greed and lies. Why else would actors and sports stars make infinitely more than life-saving surgeons and police and firefighters who risk their lives for others every day?

    Besides, I'm done with living anyway. It's never going to get better for me, I'm always going to be single and unwanted, and even my therapist admitted there's nothing more they can do for me. So why bother prolonging my suffering? Besides, I know some mods here are just itching for the chance to ban me, so I may as well kill myself and save them the trouble.

  29. - Top - End - #239
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    BlackDragon

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    I have plenty of room! I'm a hideous malformed freak. My brother's considered attractive because he's not a freakish fat idiot like me. He looks far better, and he's got a figure that isn't embarrassing to look at. And he doesn't have gender dysphoria, so he can work with what he's got easily.
    Ah, is your actual problem with your appearance that you're fat? That's not what I'd gotten from "weedy".

    You can exercise with the goal of losing weight, if that's what you want, without exercising to gain muscle. I don't think that would be in conflict with your goal of potentially transitioning in the future - my impression is that fat women get body-shamed and policed rather more than fat men.

    Society does not reward intelligence like that, it never does. It rewards good looks, strength, greed and lies. Why else would actors and sports stars make infinitely more than life-saving surgeons and police and firefighters who risk their lives for others every day?
    Programmers and engineers get paid pretty well. I didn't go into physics for the salary, but honestly I can't complain. The financial industry is notoriously generous to its quantitative analysts. Surgeons are usually extremely well-paid. I'll believe that police and firefighters are less well-paid, but I think that's about undervaluing altruism and jobs that involve helping others (see also: teaching, nursing), not about failing to reward intelligence.

    The jobs that require substantial technical skills afford very good (not mind-blowing, but very good) salaries without having to be one of the top handful of people in your entire profession in the world. Sports stars and famous movie actors make good money, sure, but very few people make a living at sports or acting. "Author" is a job that I would say requires you to be pretty smart, but it again has the high-risk high-reward dynamic where a handful of people become enormously wealthy (J. K. Rowling) and the vast majority of people need a second job. Likewise for "entrepreneur".

    You can argue that intelligence is devalued in popular culture and there's some truth to that, although I think it's less true than it used to be (because of the current "coolness" of nerdy hobbies). But I don't think you can argue that intelligence isn't rewarded financially, especially if it's a math/science-oriented intelligence. (If you're talking about intelligence oriented toward good writing or artistic skills, then okay, that's somewhat harder - tech skills make things much easier.)

    I mean, ok, you're smart. Do you have a degree with good grades to back that up? If not, why not, and can you go back to school and get one? If so, what was your degree in? You've said you're not satisfied with your job: why is that, and can you find a different job? (If the answer is "No, because the job market in my country is terrible", then ok, I can definitely sympathize with that.) What do you actually want to do with your days?

    If you want people to treat you as an adult then getting your driver's license and having a job that gives you disposable income, prospects for advancement, and a good answer when someone asks "So, what do you do?" are both pretty useful steps.
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  30. - Top - End - #240
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Personal Woes and Advice 4

    I know of at least one trans woman who will be having bottom surgery soonish and has done her entire transition on an engineer's salary and benefits. I keep harping on that because I know it has definitely worked in at least one case.

    If you're looking to lose weight, cardio is less efficient than strength training but can still work.

    Making significant changes to your life takes effort. If you want to lose weight there are ways to do it. If you want to gain muscle there are ways to do that. With the right exercise program you can expect to see improvements within a few week and results after a few months. More dramatic results require more effort over longer periods of time.

    People who stick to their plans get results. There are people here literally growing their own breasts. If you want to wail and claim everything you want is impossible, that is your choice. Everything you want will only be impossible if you sit there and do nothing to acheive your goals.
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