The Order of the Stick: Utterly Dwarfed
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  1. - Top - End - #1
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2007

    Default Who's on worst, and other comedic miscommunications

    So, the campaign I’ve been running recently brought the PCs into “Der Schwartzeisenwald,” a region of the world populated by mad scientists and screaming villagers in roughly-equal numbers. As a result, the forests here are chock-full of rampaging monsters and terrible engines of destruction. Also, everyone there has a humorously strong German accent, which is what led to this wonderful, unscripted exchange between one of the players and the guard captain NPC I was playing at the time. (In the interest of authenticity, I have attempted to reproduce the guard’s accent in writing.)

    The PC saw the guard hurriedly closing the town gates, and so he ran up to ask their captain...

    PC: Hey, there, captain! What’s the matter out there?
    Captain: Terrible news! Ve’ve sighted de vorst engine in the woods near town!
    PC: ...Why’s it the worst?
    Captain: Vell, hyu’d haff to ask de guy vot built it, und he vos the first vun dot de vorst engine vent for. Plus, he vos crazy—de vorst kind of crazy.
    PC: No, I mean, what makes it the worst?
    Captain: Vot, hyu not listenink? De vorst engine makes it de vorst.
    PC: Look, what’s so bad about the worst?
    Captain: Hyu tink I ektually tried enny? Vot sort of crazy hyu tink I am? (beat) Hy know vun guy vot says he tried some, and all he said vos dot de vurst vos pretty bad.
    PC: ...Just “pretty bad?”
    Captain: Vell, hy tink dot must be pretty awful, coz he vos from Schmatzborg, und hy tried some of de vorst dey haff dere. Dot vos bad enuff.
    PC: All right, hy tink...I mean, I think that we’re suffering from a failure to communicate here.
    Captain: Ja, hy tink so too, cuz hyu’re asking some pretty schtupid qvestions.
    PC: ...What exactly does the worst engine do?
    Captain: Hy told hyu, hyu eediot! It makes de vorst! Vot vit all de choppers, und de grinders, und de pipple screaming vhen it shoves dem in de hopper...
    PC: ...Are you talking about sausage?
    Captain: Hy dunno. Vot’s a “sausage?” Und is it ennyting like a vurst?

    Spoiler: Without the accent:
    Show
    Hey there, captain! What's the matter out there?
    Captain: Terrible news! We've sighted the worst engine out there!
    PC: ...Why's it the worst?
    Captain: Well, you'd have to ask the guy what built it, and he was the first one that the worst engine went for. Plus, he was crazy--the worst kind of crazy.
    PC: No, I mean, what makes it the worst?
    Captain: What, you not listening? The worst engine makes it the worst.
    PC: Look what's so bad about the worst?
    Captain: You think I actually tried any? What sort of crazy you think I am? (beat) I know one guy what says he tried some, and all he said was that the worst was pretty bad.
    PC: ...Just "pretty bad?"
    Captain: Well, I think that must be pretty awful, 'cause he was from Schmatzborg, and I tried some of the worst they have there. That was bad enough.
    PC: All right, hy tink...I mean, I think that we're suffering from a failure to communicate here.
    Captain: Yeah, I think so too, 'cause you're asking some pretty stupid questions.
    PC: ...What exactly does the worst engine do?
    Captain: I told you, you idiot! It makes the worst! What with all the choppers, and the grinders, and the people screaming when it shoves them in the hopper...
    PC: ...Are you talking about sausage?
    Captain: I dunno. What's a "sausage?" And is it anything like a wurst?


    Spoiler: What was actually meant:
    Show
    A few years back, a village butcher asked his neighbor, a mad scientist, to make him a machine that would help with the sausage-making. It went as badly as it possibly could, resulting in a machine that now stalks the forest and raids small towns for...well, raw meat.


    What's the best unintended comedy you've had in a campaign?

  2. - Top - End - #2
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Goblin

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Back in the USSR
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Who's on worst, and other comedic miscommunications

    Hyu been dealin' vit de Schmott Guys und de Jaegermonsters, Hy tink.
    Spoiler
    Show

    Stealthy Snake avatar by Dawn
    Lack of images by Imageshack

  3. - Top - End - #3
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    mikeejimbo's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006

    Default Re: Who's on worst, and other comedic miscommunications

    Quote Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama View Post
    Hyu been dealin' vit de Schmott Guys und de Jaegermonsters, Hy tink.
    I was just about to ask the same.
    Thanks to zegma for my awesome avatar.
    Proudly the founder of the Mr. Scruffy fanclub.
    We will not let Nessie down! http://www.petitiononline.com/PLEAOSAR/
    My DMs' Guild Stuff

  4. - Top - End - #4
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Who's on worst, and other comedic miscommunications

    Meanwhile, in a PbP.

    PC1: Would you be mad if I smoked one here?
    Me: Smoked one? What do you mea- oh! *grins widely* No dear, I won't, otherwise I wouldn't be so silly as to bring you here, of all the more normal bars I could take you!
    Me (OOC): I nearly thought you'd meant smoking a cigarette.
    PC1 (OOC): Yes, I'd meant smoking a cigar(ette).
    Me (OOC): .... oh.
    PC1 (OOC): What did you think I meant?

    Spoiler: Context
    Show
    I thought it meant flirting and doing 'it' with another person. To be fair, this was a night club, and the PCs were lovers.

    Even better, this was how they ended up with a polyamorous relationship.
    Last edited by goto124; 2015-09-29 at 07:21 PM.

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