Iron Poet XXIII

[Thanqol]

Spoiler

Show

My grandmother always wanted a dictaphone;
she wasn't one for books
- dusty rigid old things with orderly spines
respectable fonts
and unthumbed pages.

She would tell me how she planned to find one;
it would be a microphone
- silver and chrome, like the one Elvis used
rebelliously modern
and polished everyday.

She would fill it with all her stories;
all her adventures in foreign lands
- meeting the Dowager Empress in Shanghai
oriental princesses
and Soviet refugees.

She wanted us all to understand;
there were so many family secrets
- bold knights astride the Ukrainian steppe
kotleti recipies
and Prussian generals.

After an hour of talking she'd stop;
and tell me again about the dictaphone
- it would be a way to have her stories
carried proudly
and retold lovingly.

[The Extinguisher]

Spoiler

Show

I wrote you a letter
Filled with hurtful words that
I could never say
To your face

I'm so afraid
That you won't love me
If you knew how much I hate you
Behind your back

I must have sent the letter
To the wrong address
So I'd never have to live with
Any consequences
To your face
Or behind your back

[FinnLassie]

*looks around*

Where's all the contestants?

[SaintRidley]

Spoiler: Poem: nourishing, dictation

Show

Housesitting for the enemigo

You will care for my home
for three weeks
according to my own routine
as recorded below

Morning:
Enter house through side entrance
each morning
the spare key
is in the pool’s filter

One fluid ounce water
for each plant daily
rotate counterclockwise
beneath the office window

One half tin of wet food
each morning
in the right bowl
leave the left empty

One greeting to the neighbor
on the way to check the mail
“El jefe es una basura”
Give a big grin when he smiles

Afternoon:
One scoop out of the litterbox
every day
and scrub the floor nearby
with the near toothbrush

One dusting of the Rembrandt’s frame
for an hour
it is very fine metalwork
do not touch the canvas

One pass with the pool skimmer
and note the neighbor’s son
“Reporta el desfalco del jefe”
And tip your hat to him

Evening:
One quarter cup dry food
each evening
in the left bowl
the cat will find this nourishing

Turn on all lights
at dusk
to give the illusion
that somebody is home

Lock all interior doors
by twilight
and refill the cat’s water
before you leave

One lawnmowing a week
greeting the neighbor’s wife
“El jefe es acosador en serio”
Wink and nod at her

Upon completion of this job
over three weeks
you shall be paid from the general fund
Entrega al jefe para que irá en cana

Dictated but not read

[The Extinguisher]

*looks around*

Where's all the contestants?

Yeah, we don't usually get this many last minute entries.

I didn't thing I'd get to post this round tbh. I'm on vacation with limited reception.

[neriractor]

Spoiler: poem: confession, loath

Show

mourning on the world
heard all across, no way to stop
did what I had to, they were getting too bold

all my terrors begin to crop
how can my reasons pay
for every crime, for every flop

that´s why I need you as gray
tell me what´s wrong and what´s right
I deserve it son, punish away

"it was you then, the cause of their blight
that you would blame on the hell
when coming home every night

I see no reason as well
how can I look in your eyes?
you must be locked in a cell

or better, go ahead and die"

sorry I took so long, yesterday I didn´t have time and today my internet is all funky, here it is, I think there was a pass to deliver late for every contestant, can I use that?

[Techwarrior]

Using my extension.

Prompt: Discourteous, chaste.

Spoiler

Show

Anywhere but here I say
Going somewhere I don't want to be
The train doesn't hear me plea

I'd rather pass the day with you
The time I have simply slips away
As the moments fade as bygone days

Time cares not for what I want
As it's inexorable march carries on
My feet hurt following along

They say that God has a grand plan
Virtue is a concept held most dear
But facing the unknown all eyes hold fear

The path before me is one I do not know
The silent voices scream all my regrets
But where I am none would've taken bets

The rudeness here brings me to tears
So must I leave, as the rivers flows ever on
The places that held me back already gone

I walk alone on a path I do not know
Doubt in my heart, but not in my mind
The quiet march of one wedded only to time

[Lethologica]

I only got partway through my poem. I'll finish it and post it anyway, though.

[Szilard]

Judgement:

Since Lethologica didn't finish their poem, I'll declare Techwarrior the winner of that one. Techwarrior, I dig your rhyme scheme, and I just liked the poem overall.

The Extinguisher vs neriractor:

Spoiler: Confession, Loathe

Show

Spoiler: The Extinguisher

Show

First Thoughts: This person has one crazy relationship. But I can see it. They say hate is closer to love than indifference. So I get that, as well see that confusion.

Delving Deeper: 62 words, so no worries about that. The structure exemplifies the confusing emotions too. No rhyme, and an interesting rhythm (if there is any at all). Overall, I like it. Embraces the prompt, and definitely reminiscent of the two main feelings after a breakup: confusion and loathing.

Spoiler: neriractor

Show

First thoughts: What first struck me was the lack of capitalizations, except for the I's. This is not a problem in itself. Confusing for sure, I can definitely see that.

Delving Deeper: So someone did something bad, but possibly for a good cause? Their son is their moral compas. But the Son hates them, because I guess they're not that Machiavellian. Only confusion over morals on one side, however. To be fair, only loathing on the other side. On another note, I do love the rhyming scheme. I've always loved triplets that had the outer two rhyme with the mid of the one before. Creates a nice flow.

Spoiler: Winner

Show

Overall, I think I like The Extinguisher's more. They used the prompt well, and embraced very real emotions wholey.

Thanqol vs SaintRidley:

Spoiler: Dictation, Nourishing

Show

Spoiler: Thanqol

Show

First Thoughts: I really like the tone. It's cute.

Delving Deeper: Love the rhythm, I think it really adds to the cute tone. No rhyme, but that is not necessary at all. Cute tone works well with the storytelling aspect, stories that nourish. I love it. It's just so sweet.

Spoiler: SaintRidley

Show

First Thoughts: Taking dictation to heart. Very instructional. I definitely like that first spanish line, very funny. My spanish is not so good after that first one tho, so I'll have to google the rest.

Translations: Something about reporting the boss for embezzlement, okay. And the boss is a serious stalker. I don't get the last one, however, but I blame that on Google translate.

Overall, I love how there's this mystery wrapped up into the poem.

Delving Deeper: Definitely some spy stuff going on. Someone's gonna die maybe?

Spoiler: Winner

Show

In my mind, Thanqol's fits the prompt better. Didn't involve translating, which I think detracted from SaintRidley's poem. Next time, I'd suggest including some translations along with it, perhaps using footnotes or something. And Thanqol's was cute. I did, however, love the mystery and thrill of SaintRidley's.

Another good round! Excited for the next!

[Lethologica]

ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

guess who has two thumbs and didn't save the poem and now can't get it back

[neriractor]

soooo... are we getting a second opinion here, Vaynor?