Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[digiman619]

DM: "You're all heathens."
PCs: "What?"
DM: "Look at you eating your pizza cold. Heathens."

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.

Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

[CrazyPenguin]

If your DM can't enjoy the taste of cold pizza, then he clearly lacks the judgement required to be in charge of the game.

I mean, at least he didn't put a character sheet in the microwave to dry it off.

[Diachronos]

"What about the blog post spells?"
"Those are the obscure spells."
"Yeah, you need at least a couple ranks in Hipster to take those."

[Gallade]

Godhand:"Think he's still alive?"
Sorceror:"I think your punch just removed him from existance altogether. And given this is a simulation, you could argue he was never real to begin with"
Godhand:"It's so much more interactive. Wonder why they don't just leave them this way and make money off of them.
Sorceror:"Because that woman got mauled by virtual lions and almost died for real."
Godhand:"That would be a plus in my book."

(Being offered a reward)
Godhand:"Oh no, you shouldn't, it was my duty and yada yada, there I did the whole Lawful Good shtick, give it here."

[ZeroGear]

DM: Hey, who's holding the crown?
Samson: I'm wearing it ring now, why?
DM: Oh, well, ever see a falcon snag a rabbit form a dive?
Vick: Yeah, why?
DM: Well, picture that, except with Samson as the rabbit, and the falcon being a great green dragon.
Xaltaer: "Cool!"
Samson: "Aaaaaahhhhhh! Get me down from heeeereeeee!"

Samson: "Hey, uh, good dragon, what a, uh, lovely lair you have here."
DM: The dragon rears up, snarling at you with teeth the size of your arm.
Samson: "And, uh, what lovely teeth you have!" *nat 20 diplomacy*
DM: The dragon pauses, tilting it's head to the side curiously. Give me an intelligence check.
Samson: 16
DM: *rolls dice* Judging by the longer lashes, wider hips, and slight heart shape the of the tail, you realize the dragon is female.
Samson: I keep complimenting it in the hopes that it won't eat me. *rolls very high*
DM: After considering your remarks for for a bit, you see her eyes soften, before giving you a look of fondness.
Samson: *beat* Did I just pull a Donkey?
DM: Take a guess Mr. 22 charisma.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Samson: *beat* Did I just pull a Donkey?
DM: Take a guess Mr. 22 charisma.

*Snerk* I thought that was where it was going. :D
What 'class' was Samson? Curious, cause the only time I saw a PC pull off this kind of thing, he was a fighter.

Godhand:"Oh no, you shouldn't, it was my duty and yada yada, there I did the whole Lawful Good shtick, give it here."

Heehee. No evil done in accepting a reward.
(Even pallys gotta eat)

Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

*Is holding a cup of coffee* D:

"Just a reminder that it has been canonically stated that the wizard is wearing a pointy hat with stars taped to it."

This describes many PC wizards I've seen come to my campaigns...

Morning: “Do I need to reserve a spell slot for Twilight's spell? Or can we cast that as a group without anyone in particular needing to save a slot?”
GM: “One pony in your group with spellcasting ability will have to save a slot for this spell, if you want to cast it.”
Reuben: “Aww snap. Reuben is out of slots.”
Morning: “Morning has one slot left... I was going to teleport us out, but I just wanted to be sure. So I guess we're going to hoof it!”
Reuben: “Dear sweet Celestia, if we win this day it's going to be so close by the skin of our teeth that Twilight is going to have kittens when she finds out.”

Reuben: “If the Leviathan is here, then where is Autumn?”
Morning: “Oh no, you are right...! Where is Autumn?!”
Reuben: “Gizmo too! Dang it, I should of stopped him before he swam for the cloudessium! I'm a terrible friend. He's probably getting all the wing-cuffs from Autumn. Wing-cuffs for days!”

Reuben: “Firecracker, Firecracker
Zip Boom Bah!
Autumn Gale! Autumn Gale!
Rah! Rah! Rah!”
Autumn: *rolls the maximum possible dice result* “That couldn't really have gone better...”
GM: “Goshdarnit, the dice really want Autumn to be badass. Not that I mind.”
Reuben: “I want to believe my cheer above somehow helped.”

Reuben: “That would have been a really embarrassing thing to fail-- getting crushed under clouds.”

Gizmo: “So what have I missed aside from getting our collective flanks handed to us?”
GM: “Autumn kicking flanks, mostly. Gizmo got to watch and tell her what to do. Pretty much his dream, really.”

Reuben: “How long until the two parties see each other?”
GM: “Actually, not until I know what Morning does in this situation.”
Reuben: “So it would seem that our destruction is postponed until dawn, for we must... wait until Morning.”
Background: “YEEEEAAAHHH!!”

[goto124]

DM: *rolls dice* Judging by the longer lashes, wider hips, and slight heart shape the of the tail, you realize the dragon is female.

To be honest, considering how they're of different species, I think their sexes don't really matter

Reuben: “That would have been a really embarrassing thing to fail-- getting crushed under clouds.”

How is MLP cloud magic modeled in this game?

[DigoDragon]

To be honest, considering how they're of different species, I think their sexes don't really matter

And even if it does, many dragons are know for their shapechanging abilities.

How is MLP cloud magic modeled in this game?

Mostly by unwritten rules and GM judgement. We were using a very simple system.

[ZeroGear]

@Digo
Samson is a human bard geared towards social interactions and party support. He also has a tendency to get into compromising situations.

[DigoDragon]

He also has a tendency to get into compromising situations.

Well, he's a bard. That goes without saying.


Shopkeeper: "Uh, can I help you?"
Changeling: "No, I'm just looking."
Shopkeeper: "But you're staring at me."
Changeling: "Yeah, I know."

[digiman619]

Heathen! I bet you drink coffee too.

Hey! There's no need to be so hurtful...

[goto124]

Believe it or not, I'm even worse. When I drink coffee, I have it...


... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

[Rater202]

Believe it or not, I'm even worse. When I drink coffee, I have it...


... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

I drink my coffee off-white.

Like, completely serious, not joking. I don't take milk with my coffee, I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

[AdmiralCheez]

I drink my coffee off-white.

Like, completely serious, not joking. I don't take milk with my coffee, I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

A tall glass of milk with a splash of coffee? That's just how I like it! (On the rare occassion I actually have coffee.)

[goto124]

Just when I was about to post in the Confessions thread!

[DigoDragon]

... with more cream and sugar than the coffee itself!

I sometimes take coffee with my milk.

A tall glass of milk with a splash of coffee? That's just how I like it!

I'm on the opposite end-- I drink my coffee straight black. At best, I might show it a picture of a creamer can.

[ZeroGear]

I tend to dump about a tablespoon or two of sugar in mine, then use the milk to cool it off a bit.

[Gallade]

Only Espresso for me. None of that freeze-dried watery slop.

[Inevitability]

Not much of a coffee drinker myself.
*cough*post title*cough*

[userpay]

Mostly black with just a dash of creamer.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM:"How does a shardmind play the saxophone? He doesn't have lungs. Or... a... mouth, even,"
PC 1:"My narwhal familiar plays it for me."
DM:"HOW DO YOU HAVE A NARWHAL FAMILIAR."
PC 1: "I hollowed out my chest, see 'cause I'm made of crystal. Then I filled it with water and put my narwhal in it."
DM: "How... how does it fit?"
PC 1: "Its a miniature narwhal. Duh. See now I can sing while I play sax. It solves so many problems."
Me: "Well, this character seems like he'll fit right in."

[Gallade]

Godhand:"BOTH of the turrets jammed at the same time? Just blow up that tank and teleport us to the Plane of Gummy Bears already. The dice clearly show we deserved that."

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "You look down the hill and see nothing but dense fog."
PC 1: "Oo! Maybe there's treasure down there.
PC 2: "No, its probably death."

[Drakeburn]

I don't drink coffee at all. But I'm a huge fan of Mexican hot chocolate.

[Necroticplague]

Adventures in loophole abusing:

"I made two promises: that I would shed no blood, and I would strike nobody. Technically, strangling someone to death follows the letter of both of those."

"I only said I would bring you the head of a dragon. I was very quiet as to whether the rest of the dragon would still be attached. And informed of your plans."

"My geass required that I try and kill you. I did try, albeit halfheartedly. Thus, you don't need to worry about me anymore."

[Padca0]

DM: In the room you see five doors: the one you just came out of, one on the wall to your left, two on the wall to your right and one across the room.

Player: I roll a spot check to detect secret doors.

[rolls a high number]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

Player: Seriously?

[Inevitability]

DM:"How does a shardmind play the saxophone? He doesn't have lungs. Or... a... mouth, even,"
PC 1:"My narwhal familiar plays it for me."
DM:"HOW DO YOU HAVE A NARWHAL FAMILIAR."
PC 1: "I hollowed out my chest, see 'cause I'm made of crystal. Then I filled it with water and put my narwhal in it."
DM: "How... how does it fit?"
PC 1: "Its a miniature narwhal. Duh. See now I can sing while I play sax. It solves so many problems."
Me: "Well, this character seems like he'll fit right in."

Shardminds are great, aren't they?

[Mutazoia]

DM: In the room you see five doors: the one you just came out of, one on the wall to your left, two on the wall to your right and one across the room.

Player: I roll a spot check to detect secret doors.

[rolls a high number]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

Player: Seriously?

Personally, I would question why a spot check would be used to search for a secret door, let alone succeed with the character just standing around in one "spot" (no pun intended) no matter how high the roll)

[DigoDragon]

DM: You are now aware of the door above you.

This just reminded me of the tesseract mansion I mapped out for a D&D adventure that never came to pass. It works correctly, where all six surfaces of each room had a door, which includes floor and ceiling. Maybe I should dig that out for one of the games i'm currently running?


GM: “By the way, did we mention to Gizmo that the Leviathan is actual Babylonian Tiamat? Because she is totally Tiamat.”
Reuben: “Really? Huh, seems less leviathan-y serpent when I think of that version. I'm always partial to the original Final Fantasy one.”
GM: “Hush. That depiction doesn't even have her udder. Because she has one in the Enûma Elish, I'll let you know.”

Autumn: “... can't believe you just wandered right in...” *Cuffs Gizmo upside the head*
Autumn: “That's for being an idiot!” (Leans in and pecks him on the cheek) “And that's for, y'know, everything else.”
Gizmo: *Stunned and Speechless*
GM: “Darn it, why the feels? That is beyond adorable.”
White Text: “That's not what I meant when I said Autumn would go out with a bang!”

Reuben: “Spending last two points of Valor in case Leviathan has one last truck up her... uh... is Calamity even wearing sleeves?”
GM: “In case it should ever matter, right now she should be wearing the tattered remains of a very torn business suit. Whether that means there are trucks to come remains to be seen.”

Morning: *Successfully casts the spell with the party’s help to destroy the evil Macguffin ruby*
Reuben: “Yes! Yes! Yes! Go Morning!! Great speech to go with it!”
GM: “Yay big friendship speeches! And what a roll, too. This is really awesome, even if there still is a Tiamat literally 5 times as powerful as this one and not trapped in a gemstone walking around.”
Reuben: “But because we successfully cast the spell, we... ...oh, right. Uh oh.”

Reuben: “Is Morning getting drunk off magic power? That is adorable.”