Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[Wookieetank]

That's because it's not styrofoam, it's "cotton candy."

*May not turn a GitP thread into a Bay12 thread.

**When playing as a dwarf, my endgame is not to be looking for Hidden Fun Stuff or Clowns
***Creating Mermaid farms for export purposes is right out.

[DigoDragon]

* I may not serve tuna melts on Wednesdays, for that is Prince Spaghetti Day.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I can't carry it, I can't loot it.
** May no longer buy donkeys.
*** May no longer buy carts.
**** May no longer buy wheels.
***** May no longer buy planks.
****** May no longer buy logs.
******* May no longer buy pulleys.
******** May no longer but rope.
********* May no longer hire henchmen.
********** No matter how clever my plan, I cannot loot the entire castle.
*********** May no longer buy axes.

[Wookieetank]

* If I can't carry it, I can't loot it.
** May no longer buy donkeys.
*** May no longer buy carts.
**** May no longer buy wheels.
***** May no longer buy planks.
****** May no longer buy logs.
******* May no longer buy pulleys.
******** May no longer but rope.
********* May no longer hire henchmen.
********** No matter how clever my plan, I cannot loot the entire castle.
*********** May no longer buy axes.

************May no longer buy bags of holding.
*************May no longer buy portable holes.
**************May no longer prepare levitate.
***************May no longer prepare Tensor's floating disk.
****************May no longer prepare teleport.
*****************May no longer prepare dimension door.
******************May no longer prepare giant's strength.
*******************May not get around any of the above with potions/scrolls/wands/etc.

[goto124]

*****DM: FOR THE LAST TIME NO YOU CAN'T PLAY A DRIDER WIELDING A TRUCK-SIZED CHAINSAW STOP ASKING

****** Must not ask if the Drider is male or female.
******* Cannot ask if sexual dimorphism is applied to Driders.

[Fable Wright]

****** Must not ask if the Drider is male or female.
******* Cannot ask if sexual dimorphism is applied to Driders.

Depends on edition. In 3.5, they're invariably women, as Lolth only tests her clergy, who are not allowed to be male. But are allowed to be Wizards and Sorcerers without a level of Cleric. (Scorrow, on the other hand, are allowed to be male or female, because Vulkoor doesn't discriminate. Vulkoor best Drow god.) In Pathfinder, either are allowed to become driders, where females are black widows below the waistline, and males are tarantula. Oh, and the male's fangs become mandibles, which is rather awkward when the females just develop fangs in their humanoid mouths.

[Rater202]

If at anypoint in time I can best be described as "One of everything Herekles killed," my monster PC is banned.

[Gallade]

*May no longer take Leadership as a Broodmother Conjuror with levels in Cleric, Control Undead, Animate Dead and a warhorse, and give each and every single one of my minions a separate nickname.

[JAL_1138]

*Forgotten Beasts are not acceptable homebrew-monster sources.

[Anonymouswizard]

* When the party succeeds we should not have a 3 hour planning session on how to deal with it.
** Must stop expecting to fail.

[Reltzik]

*** Unless we start expecting to fail at failing.

[NRSASD]

*Forgotten Beasts are not acceptable homebrew-monster sources.

**Their CR is all over the place
***How do you even stop a fire-breathing steel scorpion?
****How is a quivering blob of salt even alive?

[JAL_1138]

**Their CR is all over the place
***How do you even stop a fire-breathing steel scorpion?
****How is a quivering blob of salt even alive?

*****And let's not even attempt to figure out what a (contagious) venom syndrome that causes horrible necrosis and death within a few rounds, no save, does to the creature's Challenge rating.

[Wookieetank]

*Forgotten Beasts are not acceptable homebrew-monster sources.

**Using clowns instead is right out.

[JAL_1138]

*Dwarves did not go extinct because of housecats.

[goto124]

** Wizards managed to avoid extinction in spite of housecats, the dwarves have no excuse.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My ranger should not have +9 to hit at second level.
** Cannot point out that I have no reason not to take Sharpshooter ASAP, as it upgrades my damage to 1d8+15 before Hunter's Mark.
*** Should not be dealing more DPR than that raging Barbarian.

* Just because I can hit a random peasant on the other side of the city blindfolded, standing on one leg, singing the hedgehog song, balancing a pot on my head, undoing knots with my other foot, aiming for the voonerables, and facing the other direction unless I roll a one, I should not put this into practice.

[NRSASD]

*****And let's not even attempt to figure out what a (contagious) venom syndrome that causes horrible necrosis and death within a few rounds, no save, does to the creature's Challenge rating.

******Don't forget it self-replicates in water and is harder to remove than radioactive waste. We're talking an extinction-level grey goo scenario if it gets into the ocean.

*******Then again, this is from the game where rain that melts the flesh from your bones, then reanimates your now-contaminated skeleton to hunt down the survivors hiding underground, is all part of the weekly forecast in certain regions of the world.

********Don't use anything from Dwarf Fortress unless you want to simulate an apocalyptic setting in progress

[Gallade]

********Don't use anything from Dwarf Fortress unless you want to simulate an apocalyptic setting in progress

*********Also, don't use anything with Keter threat level from the SCP Foundation.
**********Especially 682

[GorinichSerpant]

*********Also, don't use anything with Keter threat level from the SCP Foundation.
**********Especially 682

***********If your a player, lolfoundation isn't the only response to Keter class SCPs

[JAL_1138]

** Wizards managed to avoid extinction in spite of housecats, the dwarves have no excuse.

The wizards get killed by cats directly via claws and teeth. With dorfs dwarves, it's something else entirely.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Engineers do not have to wear stovepipe hats.

[ZxxZ]

* My Level One Psionic Rogue shall not be able to have the ability to hit anything on a roll of a 1 whilst hidden
** When he has a higher hide bonus than the other sneak even with the -20 from sniping, I must rethink the character design
*** "There's no way he can make the save, and watching him panic is funny" is not a valid reason for Disableing the Barbarian

[goto124]

* Just because I can hit a random peasant on the other side of the city blindfolded, standing on one leg, singing the hedgehog song, balancing a pot on my head, undoing knots with my other foot, aiming for the voonerables, and facing the other direction unless I roll a one, I should not put this into practice.

** Because Murphy's Law dictates you will roll a one.

The wizards get killed by cats directly via claws and teeth. With dorfs dwarves, it's something else entirely.

*** Must not ask about cats having mind control over dwarves.

[ryu]

***********If your a player, lolfoundation isn't the only response to Keter class SCPs

************Besides, I thought we all mutually agreed that 682 was double keter, or in other words the inevitable end of all SCPs less dangerous than itself in addition to all non-SCP life on the planet.
*************If in D&D, even wizards. Especially wizards actually, because they're targeted first.

[JAL_1138]

* Just because I can hit a random peasant on the other side of the city blindfolded, standing on one leg, singing the hedgehog song, balancing a pot on my head, undoing knots with my other foot, aiming for the voonerables, and facing the other direction unless I roll a one, I should not put this into practice.

Well, you know what they say about million-to-one chances cropping up nine times out of ten...

*** Must not ask about cats having mind control over dwarves.

Spoiler: explanation

Show

It has to do with how pets are chosen by the game.

Ordinarily in DF, a dorf selects a pet from nearby animals that aren't caged and aren't already assigned to anyone (e.g., stray dogs), or from one that's been assigned to them (e.g., war dogs).

Cats, however, assign themselves to a dorf instead. They can't be assigned to or adopted by a dorf otherwise. This is not a bug; they're coded that way deliberately. This has led to the running joke that it's mind-control.

[Wookieetank]

*********Also, don't use anything with Keter threat level from the SCP Foundation.
**********Especially 682

***********May not dismiss 682 as just a real life version of a Tarrasque.

*Having a dungeon full of statues and 173, while hilarious, is just mean.
**Saying "At least it wasn't a dungeon full of weeping angels", does not make it better.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot allow PCs to play Templars.
** When the entire city is in the jail, their superiors will start noticing.

* Cannot ask each player why their character is part of a trade caravan from Galg to Tyr.
** The campaign cannot be the PCs dealing with the aftermath of Kalak's death.
*** Cannot have the PCs going the other way either.

[Joe the Rat]

DM rules
* - When a new player creates a character that will trip another character's berserk buttons, you should warn someone.
** - No matter how amusing it may be.

[AquaLord]

In a WWII game, if riding in a troop transport plane i am not allowed to kill the pilot because "its more fun to jump from a crashing plane"