Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[Anti-Eagle]

* Cannot claim I'm a vietnam war reenactor when security asks why I'm pouring gasoline all over their nice clean floors.
** If I somehow bluff them into thinking their bosses hired me to do this I can't proceed to pour gasoline onto them.
*** If I somehow bluff them into thinking that it's really just water that smells like gasoline I can't immediately start flicking unlit matches at them.
**** "Look I know I said you could use it for this job but building a character around using gasoline months in advance is just ridiculous." - paraphrased GM talk

[Flemkopf]

*I am never again to create a mad scientist character.
**My arcane focus for the lightning bolt spell cannot be a steam-punk looking contraption that I call "Twitchy."
***Calling Twitchy a pacifist if I flub a concentration check is frowned upon.
****Getting my party members to refer to Twitchy by name is fine, getting the colony of were jaguars to worship it is not.
*****When I attempt to speak a language I don't actually know and offer to teach the werejaguars to be "gods of thunder," I am not to be surprised when things go horribly, horribly wrong.

*May not preemptively stop the villagers from storming our house with pitchforks and torches by buying all the pitchforks and torches.
**If I do buy all the pitchforks I am not to use them as weapons.
***No, I am not allowed to pick up zombies with my pitchforks and pitch them into a river, even if it's to save the town.
****If I have just accidently poisoned the town's only water supply, asking for a bonus is probably not a good idea.
***** You know what, the villagers grab their scythes, sickles, and cutlery and drive you out of town.

[goto124]

***** You know what, the villagers grab their scythes, sickles, and cutlery and drive you out of town.

****** At no point should I ever say "they'll scoop your heart out with their spoons!"

[Reltzik]

* When the anti-paladin does a crit-smite against our friendly angel and the DM has to take a while figuring out all of the buffs, debuffs, and other modifiers in play before rolling damage, I'm not allowed to "help" the angel by shouting out random numbers to make math harder for the DM.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot have a random one of the party's nuclear grenades armed.
** Once the replacement clones arrive they should not have to get their equipment from the now radioactive equipment depot.
*** When asked where hazmat suits are, the Admin staff should not reply 'you were given 8 as part of your equipment'.
**** There is no Form Request Form Request Form.

* Cannot point out that, as we are using the Faerun gods, my Lawful Neutral priest of Kelemvor knows about the Wall of the Faithless, and is going to do her best to convert people to gods that she has proof of existing.
** Cannot know more about Faerun gods than the DM.
*** Cannot switch to a longsword and shield build just because Kelemvor prefers the bastard sword (which was combined with the longsword in 5e).

* Cannot buy the sorceress clothing.
** Must stop praying to Kelemvor for the summon clothing spell.
*** Multiclassing into wizard just to put illusory clothes on the sorceress is bad form.
**** Especially when my clothes are either 'black robes' or 'highly used'.

* The creepy 8 Charisma priestess of Kelemvor should not be the one who best fits into high society.
** The fact that this is due to her body count being the lowest says a lot.

[ZxxZ]

* Cannot have a random one of the party's nuclear grenades armed.
** Once the replacement clones arrive they should not have to get their equipment from the now radioactive equipment depot.
*** When asked where hazmat suits are, the Admin staff should not reply 'you were given 8 as part of your equipment'.
**** There is no Form Request Form Request Form.

***** To obtain a Form Request Form,you must file an appropriately designated Form Request Form

* The Factotum does not need to quip, "I read a book about this, it should work in theory" before every single action
** Not shall he be a direct expy of MacGuyver
*** Horatio Hornblower is also pushing it

[Doorhandle]

*Despite being the plotline for a good 50% of all magna these days, Cannot be a guy transported in from a normal modern universe.
** Especially if he's a soldier, doctor or other useful person rather than the typical obnoxious NEET.
*** If I am the NEET, I still should have a stat above 10, even if it makes no sense.

*If my character is joining an adventuring party, it's assumed it's because I have something useful to offer, rather than because no other group will take me
** "Because then maybe someone will keep an eye on that sociopathic freak" isn't much better.
***Cannot pour on the waterworks if I'm still refused entry.
****Especially if i'm the second one.

*If I am playing a single-class mage past level 1, I must be able to cast more than one spell a day.
**Even if it is a really good one.
***There are, in fact, problems that cannot be solved by a properly meta-magiced fireball.
****This does not mean you switch to orb of force instead.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot create a device to interfere with my enemy's magic devices.
** Dispel Grenades are classified as weapons of war.
*** As are Anti-magic Field Bombs.
**** Put down the Disjunction Canon.

* My god is not Semong, God of Experimental Devices.
** He does not pull double duty as the God of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

**** Put down the Disjunction Canon.

***** Should probably not mess with the Regular Canon either.
****** Don't even think about the Disjunction Cannon.

[Anonymouswizard]

***** Should probably not mess with the Regular Canon either.

****** Cannot point out that, as a Cleric, I get proficiency with both.
******* May not claim that the misspelling was intentional

[DigoDragon]

* When the party's fighter returns to the scene, we shall no longer replace the conquered dungeon crawl with an episode of a soap opera.
** If the fighter uses Whirlwind Attack to cuff all of us upside the back of our collective heads for going drama on her, we shouldn't be surprised.

[goto124]

* My god is not Semong, God of Experimental Devices.
** He does not pull double duty as the God of Insanely Overpowered Fireballs.

*** Nor does he pull triple duty as the God of Gnomes.
**** GNO GNOMES!

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not take Martial Weapon Proficiency (Bastard Sword).

[RickAllison]

Hunter: the Vigil specific.

*I may not train a pack of dogs that prevents Gauru from escaping.
*My Ghost Ally is not okay with possessing PCs to commit suicide.
*I may not bring in an elite hot squad of federal agents that are strictly better than the party, even if it makes complete sense.
*I may not create a retainer with Combat Marksmanship, Professional Training, and a .50 caliber rifle. The party does not appreciate enemies that have to be tougher than the tanks.
**I may not make a retainer with Combat Marksmanship
***I may not have a retainer.
****I may not take Merits.

[illyahr]

*If I am playing a single-class mage past level 1, I must be able to cast more than one spell a day.
**Even if it is a really good one.
***There are, in fact, problems that cannot be solved by a properly meta-magiced fireball.
****This does not mean you switch to orb of force instead.

Black Mage would be proud.

[Rater202]

*If I'm a true hivemind(not a collective consciousness orr a hive queen scenario) It'll cost me more than 15 character points to start with an arbitrarily high number of bodies.

[Lord Torath]

* May not load up the catapults with barrels of smoke powder instead of solid or grape shot
** Javelins of Lightning may not be fired from the heavy ballista.
*** Yes spark darts are technically allowed.
**** May no longer catapult barrels of smoke powder onto the enemy deck, then follow up with the spark darts.
***** Replacing the smoke powder with kegs of Greek Fire does not make it better!
****** Especially in the Phlo!

[DoctorFaust]

*if my character is joining an adventuring party, it's assumed it's because i have something useful to offer, rather than because no other group will take me
** "because then maybe someone will keep an eye on that sociopathic freak" isn't much better.
***cannot pour on the waterworks if i'm still refused entry.
****especially if i'm the second one.

*if i am playing a single-class mage past level 1, i must be able to cast more than one spell a day.
**even if it is a really good one.
***there are, in fact, problems that cannot be solved by a properly meta-magiced fireball.
****this does not mean you switch to orb of force instead.

Explosion!

[spineyrequiem]

* Yes, the elves live mostly in rural areas. Yes, they are against big, organised governments. Yes, they are astonishingly racist. No, that doesn't mean I can voice them as stereotypical hillbillies.
* Despite precedent, a swift kick to the groin and taking off running won't always work against people trying to arrest me.
* Make sure to pull out the right holy symbol when the Inquisition accuse me of heresy.
* If next week's adventure will consist primarily of clearing up the mess from last week's adventure, we really need to rethink our plans.

[Reltzik]

* Despite precedent, a swift kick to the groin and taking off running won't always work against people trying to arrest me.

** Not allowed to blame this on the guard's "coppiece."
*** Or his "athletic cop"
**** He does NOT have "copper balls".
***** You're just heightening the magistrate's eventual pun-ishment.

[ElFi]

* If the PC's take out the session's boss in two rounds, I need to make the campaign harder.
** Just because they're still having fun regardless doesn't mean I shouldn't feel guilty.

* If I'm a player and insist that a particular campaign setting could use a train or two, I shouldn't complain when the party gets attacked by bandits on their very first ride on said train.
** It is, in fact, my fault entirely if someone gets tossed out the window.

[DigoDragon]

* The paladin is no longer allowed to request the young wizard's help to put on her armor in a way that sets off the wizard's "girl alarm".
** No, the druid is not allowed to call Shipping Bingo on this.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The paladin is no longer allowed to request the young wizard's help to put on her armor in a way that sets off the wizard's "girl alarm".
** No, the druid is not allowed to call Shipping Bingo on this.

*** Cannot have a separate Shipping Chart just for the sorceress.
**** Cannot Ship the sorceress with the big bad.
***** My shipping chart should not include a connection between my character and Bob the minion.

[JAL_1138]

*If I leave my dungeon notes where the players can see them, the name of the dungeon should not be "The Gauntlet of Humiliating Failures, Horrifying Injuries, and Inevitable Death."

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot change the character I am planning to play just because I remembered WotC had a Warforged race in unearthed arcana.
** The giant robot with a maul should not be the fastest party member (it's suboptimal, but I'm planning to leave GWM until 6th level and take Mobile as my first feat, his group is never high op anyway).
*** The robot should not be the tactician of the party.

EDIT: the best part? There's so little equipment my character needs that they carry around acid and alchemist's fire, with the reasoning being that it's techniques they used in warfare to help take down enemy constructs.

[JAL_1138]

* Cannot change the character I am planning to play just because I remembered WotC had a Warforged race in unearthed arcana.
** The giant robot with a maul should not be the fastest party member (it's suboptimal, but I'm planning to leave GWM until 6th level and take Mobile as my first feat, his group is never high op anyway).
*** The robot should not be the tactician of the party.

EDIT: the best part? There's so little equipment my character needs that they carry around acid and alchemist's fire, with the reasoning being that it's techniques they used in warfare to help take down enemy constructs.

Why should the war robot not be the tactician? It was literally built for warfare, which includes tactics, and it probably has extremely high situational analysis and likely doesn't experience stress, panic, or fight-or-flight in the same way as organics.

[Anonymouswizard]

Why should the war robot not be the tactician? It was literally built for warfare, which includes tactics, and it probably has extremely high situational analysis and likely doesn't experience stress, panic, or fight-or-flight in the same way as organics.

1) They was pretty much an infantryman doing infantry stuff, which leads to:
2) They is quite good at tactics. But apart from the monster-killing stuff it's mostly battlefield/regimental scale stuff.

So they basically haven't learnt yet, especially for not fighting alongside soldiers (they are going to clash with the Barbarian). Probably more aware of tactical spells than the sorceress though.

I'm torn about whether or not to give them a mail or a sword+board build. I would do spear+shield, but the smaller damage die makes me weary, and I'm not sure if the +2AC is worth the drop in damage compared to a great weapon build.

I've refluffed the chainmail as mail covering their wooden limbs though.

Plus 'organics make poor combatants, please stand aside as I deal with this' *throws flask of acid at Chimera, draws a bastard sword, and charges*

[goto124]

***** This is also not how you deal with being at the bottom of the previous page.

* If I'm a player and insist that a particular campaign setting could use a train or two, I shouldn't complain when the party gets attacked by bandits on their very first ride on said train.
** It is, in fact, my fault entirely if someone gets tossed out the window.

*** May not ask if that's a natural response to asking for railroads.

[Anonymouswizard]

* The wizard is not a 'loreforged'.
** The urchin is not a 'poorforged'.
*** May not bring up the whoreforged.

* The Warforged cannot introduce themself as 'Sentinel'.
** Sen the Warforged should not look down at the Barbarian for being a reckless and stupid fighter.
*** May not prove my point by proceeding to kick his arse in a one on one duel.
**** May not attempt to do this without using a single superiority die.

[ElFi]

*** May not ask if that's a natural response to asking for railroads.

It is in-game, anyway.