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  1. - Top - End - #271
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    Kelb_Panthera's Avatar

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Ryoga's scarf; the wearer of this leapord print scarf finds himself with an -awful- sense of direction. It becomes so bad that he cannot even successfully navigate his way out of a small, empty room with only one entrance, clearly marked.

    Cursed version: it also turns the wearer into a pig if he's doused with cold water and cannot be removed except by having the curse removed.
    Last edited by Kelb_Panthera; 2016-03-25 at 01:52 PM.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

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    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

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  2. - Top - End - #272
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    528) Wand of attraction: A wand that does nothing, but is attracted to the last person who tried to use it
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
    — The Acts of Iomedae, Pathfinder
    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
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  3. - Top - End - #273
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    The cake is a lie!

    What? Someone had to.
    No. Stop it. You are retroactively ruining Portal every time you do that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rules are for Jerks: A Chaotic Good Alignment Handbook View Post
    A fair number of people don’t quite grok Chaotic Good, since the idea of thinking for yourself while being a good person is apparently confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by linklele
    Look, a strange boy just popped into my room asking for your soul...
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  4. - Top - End - #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkMinty View Post
    No. Stop it. You are retroactively ruining Portal every time you do that.
    529. Lying Cake: Ruins Portal to ThinkMinty. No save.

    530. Russian Roulette: A common roulette table. If you point on green and lose, it will shoot you.

    531. Blunt Dagger: This magical dagger expresses its opinions without regard for others' sensitivity.

    532. Blurting Mace: This magical mace cannot hold a secret.

    533. Hurting Spear: This magical spear says the meanest things to its wielder.

    534. Hurting Mace: This magical mace is full of bruises.

    535. Pendulum of Perseverance: Whoever wears this pendulum will see his mood alternate between sudden bursts of energy and complete prostration. Most common among University students.
    Last edited by Vinyadan; 2016-03-26 at 02:05 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
    I thought Tom Bombadil dreadful — but worse still was the announcer's preliminary remarks that Goldberry was his daughter (!), and that Willowman was an ally of Mordor (!!).

  5. - Top - End - #275
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    GladIUs of GladOs: plus ONE shortsword that Grants its holDER KNOWledge of the DImenSION door spell while in contACT WITh their skin. UnforTUNATEly it alSO causes their voice to place an emPHAsis on the wrong SYLLABles whatever THEY try to say, thus renDERing the spell UNcastABLE. Do not use in combat. You Monster.

  6. - Top - End - #276
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    537.) Paperclip of the Phantom Advisor - When activated, this paperclip will gain a degree of sentience and hover nearby the user. When the user attempts to perform any task, the paperclip will offer advice into performing this task. (Looks like you're trying to defeat an eldritch evil. Want some help with that?)
    Currently RPG group playing: Endworld (D&D 5e. A Homebrewed post-apocalyptic supplement.)

    My campaign settings: Azura; 10,000 CE | The Frozen Seas | Bloodstones (Paleolithic Horror) | AEGIS - The School for Superhero Children | Iaphela (5e, Elder Scrolls)

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    537) Ring of detect ring.
    538) Ring of extra ring slot.
    539) Ring of ringing: rings whenever it's struck onto a hard surface while unworn.
    540) Ring of detect self.

  8. - Top - End - #278
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    541. Belt of Geoff's Invulnerability: grants immunity to what caused the Death of Geoff, the creator. Unfortunately that was falling 200 feet into a cheese forge.

    542. Cheese Forge: apparently this isn't magical.

    543. Rigng of Gnomes: this would be useful, but the DM has bagngned it.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  9. - Top - End - #279
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    544. Amulet of Improved Underwater Basket Weaving: makes it easier to do the already easy task of making baskets underwater
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
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  10. - Top - End - #280
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    ElfPirate

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    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    544. Amulet of Improved Underwater Basket Weaving: makes it easier to do the already easy task of making baskets underwater
    Easy? Making decent baskets on land is hard.
    Quote Originally Posted by MaxWilson View Post
    I've tallied up all the points for this thread, and consulted with the debate judges, and the verdict is clear: JoeJ wins the thread.

  11. - Top - End - #281
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    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    202) Mask of Ninjas: Mask will draw all ninjas in the area to you and will try to kill you
    Oh, come on, that's incredibly useful if you feel threatened by a ninja! (Three words: Inverse Ninja Law.)

  12. - Top - End - #282
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Suppository of Primary Glibness; when properly equipped, this item enables the user to literally talk out of their <redacted>

  13. - Top - End - #283
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    545) Fist of Justice: a fist with no mortal master, instead, it flies around punching anyone who commits any misdeed
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
    — The Acts of Iomedae, Pathfinder
    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
    Avatar made by Professor Gnoll

  14. - Top - End - #284
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    545) Fist of Justice: a fist with no mortal master, instead, it flies around punching anyone who commits any misdeed
    That sounds less useless and more incredibly dangerous.

    • What are the FoJ's moral paradigms?
    • Why is the punishment for any misdeed uniform (punching), rather than fitting the wrong?
    • Does it have any priorities, or does it just punch whoever's nearby?
    • Will it start heavily policing peccadillos of the weak while ignoring the massive crimes of beings that could more easily fight back against it?
    • Isn't it just going to teach children that they should try to solve all their problems with hitting?


    Those are just the first questions I thought of about such a disturbing device.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rules are for Jerks: A Chaotic Good Alignment Handbook View Post
    A fair number of people don’t quite grok Chaotic Good, since the idea of thinking for yourself while being a good person is apparently confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by linklele
    Look, a strange boy just popped into my room asking for your soul...
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkMinty View Post
    That sounds less useless and more incredibly dangerous.

    • What are the FoJ's moral paradigms?
    • Why is the punishment for any misdeed uniform (punching), rather than fitting the wrong?
    • Does it have any priorities, or does it just punch whoever's nearby?
    • Will it start heavily policing peccadillos of the weak while ignoring the massive crimes of beings that could more easily fight back against it?
    • Isn't it just going to teach children that they should try to solve all their problems with hitting?


    Those are just the first questions I thought of about such a disturbing device.
    The fist is probably fine-sized or has a strength penalty so it does no damage.

  16. - Top - End - #286
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkMinty View Post
    Isn't it just going to teach children that they should try to solve all their problems with hitting?
    I can agree that the rest of those are good questions but this one irks me. Has the idea that -parents- teach their children their values been completely discarded at this point? Seriously, if children are learning everything about the world from the world with no input from their parents then those parents are negligent jack-holes that should be neutered before they screw up any more kids.

    I and my friends grew up -surrounded- by violence. I'm violent by my very nature. None of us think that resorting to violence should ever be the first course of action in a conflict and that's because our parents were present and cared enough to teach us right from wrong.

    Besides, who's going to identify with a disembodied fist? That's just dumb.
    Last edited by Kelb_Panthera; 2016-03-28 at 05:27 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

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  17. - Top - End - #287
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    I think that it'll identify every single remotely living thing in the universe as 'wrong', and thus punch each thing only once before flying off to the next wrongdoer.

    You'll lose this fist really fast.

  18. - Top - End - #288
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    546) The Emperor's New Wand of Illusions. It can create a realistic (visual only) image of any invisible object. The image, of course, is also invisible.
    Quote Originally Posted by MaxWilson View Post
    I've tallied up all the points for this thread, and consulted with the debate judges, and the verdict is clear: JoeJ wins the thread.

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jormengand View Post
    The fist is probably fine-sized or has a strength penalty so it does no damage.
    I sincerely apologize for how sarcastic the following statement is:

    Are you familiar with bullets? They're small, but they move real quick so they can still kill ya dead.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    I can agree that the rest of those are good questions but this one irks me. Has the idea that -parents- teach their children their values been completely discarded at this point? Seriously, if children are learning everything about the world from the world with no input from their parents then those parents are negligent jack-holes that should be neutered before they screw up any more kids.
    Some parents suck at raising their kids, and some parents just plain suck. It's more important that kids get raised right than who does it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    I and my friends grew up -surrounded- by violence. I'm violent by my very nature. None of us think that resorting to violence should ever be the first course of action in a conflict and that's because our parents were present and cared enough to teach us right from wrong.
    Some of us grew up with violence in the house. I learned that violence is a ****ty answer to problems by being a problem the adults tried to solve with violence. Fun times.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rules are for Jerks: A Chaotic Good Alignment Handbook View Post
    A fair number of people don’t quite grok Chaotic Good, since the idea of thinking for yourself while being a good person is apparently confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by linklele
    Look, a strange boy just popped into my room asking for your soul...
    Avatar by linklele, featuring a strange boy. Full signature is here.

  20. - Top - End - #290
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkMinty View Post
    Some parents suck at raising their kids, and some parents just plain suck. It's more important that kids get raised right than who does it.
    Guardians then. The point remains that how you're raised has far more to do with the person you eventually become than the things you see on the news or in movies, tv, and comic books. There has -never- been a credible study or experiment that concluded with there being any causal link found between media consumed and behavior of the consumers. In particular, the link between violent games and violent behavior was all but categorically disproven in a series of longitudinal studies concluded here just a few years ago.

    Some of us grew up with violence in the house. I learned that violence is a ****ty answer to problems by being a problem the adults tried to solve with violence. Fun times.
    I'm sorry you had to go through that but you're still crediting your parents with teaching you not to be violent there. Learning by a bad example is still learning. I'll also bet that you'd never do that to your own kids; something else you learned both because of and in-spite of your own parents.

    Do you really think you'd be -more- violent if your parents had never layed a hand on you and you'd grown up playing mortal kombat and watching looney toons? I doubt it. Even outside of the home, most authority figures are quick to tell children that hitting is not okay. The idea that stories about fantastic things doing violence to each other would make anyone violent is absurd.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

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  21. - Top - End - #291
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by ThinkMinty View Post
    That sounds less useless and more incredibly dangerous.

    • What are the FoJ's moral paradigms?
    • Why is the punishment for any misdeed uniform (punching), rather than fitting the wrong?
    • Does it have any priorities, or does it just punch whoever's nearby?
    • Will it start heavily policing peccadillos of the weak while ignoring the massive crimes of beings that could more easily fight back against it?
    • Isn't it just going to teach children that they should try to solve all their problems with hitting?


    Those are just the first questions I thought of about such a disturbing device.
    I'll explain

    The FoJ is like Santa-Bot from Futurama. It's moral standards are so high, it's going to punch everybody, but the fist doesn't do any damage, it just annoys the person hit. It hits whoever is nearby and the reason is that the creator of the fist was an insane wizard who wanted to teach some annoying kids across the street a lesson in minding thier own business and not touching dangerous magical things, but it got out of hand. No, it will not teach children that violence will solve problems, because the fist doesn't solve problems.
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
    — The Acts of Iomedae, Pathfinder
    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
    Avatar made by Professor Gnoll

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    I apologize for derailing the parenting discussion, but:

    547) Immovable toothpick. Once placed in the wielder's mouth it's there to stay.
    Quote Originally Posted by MaxWilson View Post
    I've tallied up all the points for this thread, and consulted with the debate judges, and the verdict is clear: JoeJ wins the thread.

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeJ View Post
    I apologize for derailing the parenting discussion,
    You're right. Sorry for the derail.
    I am not seaweed. That's a B.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThiagoMartell View Post
    Kelb, recently it looks like you're the Avatar of Reason in these forums, man.
    Quote Originally Posted by LTwerewolf View Post
    [...] bringing Kelb in on your side in a rules fight is like bringing Mike Tyson in on your side to fight a toddler. You can, but it's such massive overkill.
    A quick outline on building a homebrew campaign

    Avatar by Tiffanie Lirle

  24. - Top - End - #294
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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    548) Amulet of Protection From Miniature Giant Space Hamsters. Does not work against the full sized variety.
    Quote Originally Posted by MaxWilson View Post
    I've tallied up all the points for this thread, and consulted with the debate judges, and the verdict is clear: JoeJ wins the thread.

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    549) Wand of Create Miniguns: Shrinks caster's muscle mass
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
    — The Acts of Iomedae, Pathfinder
    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
    Avatar made by Professor Gnoll

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera View Post
    Guardians then. The point remains that how you're raised has far more to do with the person you eventually become than the things you see on the news or in movies, tv, and comic books. There has -never- been a credible study or experiment that concluded with there being any causal link found between media consumed and behavior of the consumers. In particular, the link between violent games and violent behavior was all but categorically disproven in a series of longitudinal studies concluded here just a few years ago.
    ...wasn't my argument. I'm overtly in favor of violent media, I think sugar-coated bloodless violence is less healthy for young children than realistic violence with the blood and consequences left in, since it kinda underplays the consequences of violence. Cartoonish violence is ****ing hilarious, though.

    Children are (usually) good at discerning between fiction and reality. There's stuff some parents do that make them worse at it, but I can't get into it without forum rules being utterly violated.

    Point is, I likes me some violent media. I grew up watchin' a fair amount of re-run old-timey violent chase cartoons. I learned valuable lessons from those shows, such as dressing up explosives like pretty ladies or that coyotes are jerks.

    Do you really think you'd be -more- violent if your parents had never layed a hand on you and you'd grown up playing mortal kombat and watching looney toons? I doubt it. Even outside of the home, most authority figures are quick to tell children that hitting is not okay. The idea that stories about fantastic things doing violence to each other would make anyone violent is absurd.
    Violent media doesn't make people violent. As far as I can tell, violent media makes people less violent by providing an outlet. I make this argument myself a lot, and don't disagree with it in the slightest.

    I guess the language used to describe the hypothetical fist was a little uncomfortably close to home for me.
    Last edited by ThinkMinty; 2016-03-29 at 05:21 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rules are for Jerks: A Chaotic Good Alignment Handbook View Post
    A fair number of people don’t quite grok Chaotic Good, since the idea of thinking for yourself while being a good person is apparently confusing.
    Quote Originally Posted by linklele
    Look, a strange boy just popped into my room asking for your soul...
    Avatar by linklele, featuring a strange boy. Full signature is here.

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by 8BitNinja View Post
    549) Wand of Create Miniguns: Shrinks caster's muscle mass
    Wands of Create Minigums: A swarm of miniaturized sore gums falls on the ground.

    Gauntlet of Gauntlet: It makes the wearer run the gauntlet.

    Amulet of the Long Shot: the wearer only attempts difficult but well-rewarding quests.

    Ring of High Countenance: The wearer has a somewhat refined demeanour.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
    I thought Tom Bombadil dreadful — but worse still was the announcer's preliminary remarks that Goldberry was his daughter (!), and that Willowman was an ally of Mordor (!!).

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    Quote Originally Posted by Vinyadan View Post
    Gauntlet of Gauntlet: It makes the wearer run the gauntlet.
    454) Gauntlets of Gauntlet, Other: Turns you into a fighter wearing red and will cause you to need food badly and not see such bravery
    I'm a Lawful Good Human Paladin
    Justice and honor are a heavy burden for the righteous. We carry this weight so that the weak may grow strong and the meek grow brave
    — The Acts of Iomedae, Pathfinder
    Quote Originally Posted by Quibbilcious View Post
    I lost my artistic license after getting stuck in a poetry jam.
    Avatar made by Professor Gnoll

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    550 ish. Fist of just ice: this gauntlet allows you to effortlessly handle ice but acts like a gauntlet of fumbling on anything else

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    Default Re: 1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

    556: Pencil of Numbering: a pencil that makes people number the magic items on this thread
    Last edited by 8BitNinja; 2016-03-30 at 04:03 AM.

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