1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[8BitNinja]

437) Wand of Teddy Bear: Summons a teddy bear to fight for you. Teddy bear has 1 hp, does no damage, and pretty much just stays there

[Mister Tom]

438 The ring of fire. Any meat stew consumed by the wearer is transmuted into mutton vindaloo.

439. Boots of catlike tread: if the wearer encounters a locked door they will feel a compulsion to try to go through it. If another party member opens said door the wearer will immediately change their mind.

[8BitNinja]

438 The ring of fire. Any meat stew consumed by the wearer is transmuted into mutton vindaloo.

440) Ring of Fire, other: Turns into the Johnny Cash song of the same name

[goto124]

441) Earmuffs of Assumption: Any female voices of pain will be assumed by the wearer to be sounds of labor. Make a DC 10 Will save to avoid trying to help the 'pregnant' woman.

442) Belt of Opening: Can cast knock three times a day, but only on itself. The command word is "Behold!"

[8BitNinja]

443) Mask of Alliteration: Wearer can only speak in alliterations

444) Ring of Salvation: Every time the wearer gets into a conflict, no matter how large, a 20th level paladin will rush in on a horse and save the wearer. It may sound incredibly useful, until you realize that you will never earn XP or gold by killing monsters again. It will also be impossible for adventures to go anywhere

445) Glasses of Intelligence: The glasses are magically imbued with an IQ of 250. That's it

[gxnpt]

Ring of Invisibility
made of common materials and of no intrinsic value, when worn the ring itself becomes invisible

Spectacles of Appearance Detection
(tuned - actually slightly useful)
allows the wearer to experience the reaction a specific individual (usually a fashion expert) would have to an individuals appearence
only works in bright light, will not function for blind users but wearer must close their eyes to activate, individual being viewed must be within line of sight of the spectacles and no more than 10 feet away
(untuned)
allows the wearer to experience the reaction they themselves would have to an individuals appearence

Orb of Detect Light - when activated the orb will glow if light is present

The Portable Spot - looks just like a portable hole but there is no hole, just a black spot on a surface

Dice of Resting - instead of "resting" 8 hours to regain spells roll the dice to become comatose for 2-12 hours for the same benefits

[8BitNinja]

451) Trumpet of War: After playing the trumpet, the closest kingdom will declare war on you. You will have no allies and it's you against a whole army

452) Saxophone of Jazz: Can play jazz music by itself, no use in combat. It can't even be played

453) Trombone of Pain: Playing this trombone will inflict 1d4 nonlethal damage on player. If player has braces, it will deal 1d4+5 nonlethal damage to player. (face it, the braces part applied for normal trombone or eve trumpet, I was in band an I know from personal experience)

454) Violin of Violence: Playing the violin will give you gruesome war flashbacks that you may or may not have been involved in.

455) Snare Drum of Snares: Playing the snare drum will turn it into a snare, which you will most certainly get your hand stuck in

[Mister Tom]

Almondbread's deckchair of fractal folding (extremely rare).

In theory, a highly useful item constructed from an enchantment similar to that on a bag of holding. A stowed ACoFF fits inside a snuffbox and can, if the instructions are followed correctly, be unfolded into a sturdy hessian folding chair which will support the weight of a medium sized creature comfortably, making it the ideal travel accessory for prolonged dungeon crawls.

In practice, the instructions for unfolding are helpfully written on the fully unfolded chair. Its inventor, respected magician Ben-Wa Almondbread, vanished in mysterious circumstances shortly after its invention, leaving nothing behind indicating his whereabouts apart from a partially collapsed chair in which a flap of wizards robe could be seen, but not disentangled.

The character who is both capable enough to unfold the chair and brave enough to then sit in it may be rarer than the chair itself.

[8BitNinja]

457) Scroll of Scrolling: when read, the computer you are using will scroll to the bottom of the webpage

[Mister Tom]

Akbar's ring of detection: will detect and inform its wearer if they are in a trap.

[ThinkMinty]

451) Trumpet of War: After playing the trumpet, the closest kingdom will declare war on you. You will have no allies and it's you against a whole army

In the context of a tabletop game, bring it on! Experience points and treasure that come to you? Sweet.

453) Trombone of Pain: Playing this trombone will inflict 1d4 nonlethal damage on player. If player has braces, it will deal 1d4+5 nonlethal damage to player. (face it, the braces part applied for normal trombone or eve trumpet, I was in band an I know from personal experience)

I had a similar experience with non-braces orthodontal stuff way way back in elementary school extracirricular band program times. I got a year better at trumpet in one session after I had the metal thing out of my mouth.

454) Violin of Violence: Playing the violin will give you gruesome war flashbacks that you may or may not have been involved in.

Seems like a violin that generates writing prompts. I want it.

455) Snare Drum of Snares: Playing the snare drum will turn it into a snare, which you will most certainly get your hand stuck in

Can be used as a trap to mess with drummers you don't like.

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458. Hat of Disguise Intentions: The wearer of this classy vintage hat thinks they gain +4 Charisma. In actuality, any creature dealing with the wearer takes a -2 penalty to any Sense Motive checks due to a noxious aura of entitled smugness clouding their judgment. If the wearer ever fails a Charisma-based roll, they will compulsively complain about how they're such a nice person and how their own ineptitude is everyone else's fault.

459. Ring of Well Turning: The wearer automatically succeeds when attempting to turn.

[JoeJ]

460. Well of soles. This well can be commanded to produce 1 edible fish per day. Unfortunately, it is located in the middle of the wilderness, many miles from the nearest settlement.

461. Well of voles. On command, this well produces 1 vole per day.

[8BitNinja]

462) Scroll of Dreams: makes all of your dreams come true. Unfortunately, nightmares count, so have fun falling off a hiding while having your teeth falling out and landing at your work naked.

[Gallade]

463) Wand of Dimension Odor: This wand lets you smell a place of your choice in your line of sight.

[8BitNinja]

463) Wand of Dimension Odor: This wand lets you smell a place of your choice in your line of sight.

Actually pretty useful, since there are scents that can make you pass out or vomit

[Cealocanth]

464.) Wand of Draining - The user can utilize this unusually pointy wand to remove liquids from suitably penetrable containers.

465.) Charm of the Gambler's Stone - In any game of rock-paper-scissors, the opponent to the owner of this item will throw rock 33% of the time.

466.) Bixby's Death Clock - This pocket-watch will display the time until the next death occurs in the entire multiverse.

467.) Melora's Flower of Pain - Blessed by the goddess of nature herself, this particular species of flower can feel pain.

[Hbgplayer]

468) Cloak of Oblivious Obviousness
This cloak comes in three colors: Fuchia, Chartreuse, and Blaze Orange. Depending on the color, the cloak gives it wearer the ability to believe that she or he is gaining a +2, +4, or +6 bonus to hide checks, respectively. Instead, it is in fact giving a -2, -4, or -6 penalty on hide checks.
It cannot be removed without the use of a wish spell.

[Anonymouswizard]

460. Staff of Cleaning: this staff will clean your manor. Costs 500gp a month, plus board, and doesn't supply their own cleaning supplies. Complains if used as a weapon. May, in fact, not be a magic item but rather a load of cleaners.

461. Ring of Turning: when put on causes the wearer to spin 360°.

462. Roap on a Rope: this rope is handily attached to a Rope so you won't lose it. At both ends, and the knots are a pain to untie.

463. Church Cannon: doesn't fire due to being a pacifist.

[8BitNinja]

464) Pool Cue of Pool: a pool cue that only works if you are playing pool in a pool

[Mister Tom]

Cone Of Cold. The user now has his hands full of ice creams. Only usable in combat.

[Gallade]

466) Wand of Magic Mistletoe: Causes mistletoe to appear floating above your head.

[Lacco]

467. Dark Darkener of Darkness - I don't know what it is. It's too dark to see.

[Gallade]

468) Self-respawning cake: When eaten, this cake teleports and reforms instantly in a random spot on the current plane. Since it's teleporting, it has none of the effects of eating cake, including flavor, nutrition or satiation. Also, you don't know how many people put it in their mouth before, and that's just gross.

[8BitNinja]

469) Bingo Troll of Trolling: Throwing this item at a target will do no damage, instead, it will start singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley

[Anonymouswizard]

470. Scroll of Lists: this scroll manages to turn up on lists of magic items when read.

471. Sacred Hamburger +1: would be really filling, but a bunch of people stole it and plan to resurrect it.

[Vinyadan]

472: Banana Of Inner Strength: After eating it, wielding this Banana grants a +5 to Will and Fort saves.

[Steveio]

473. Disintegrating Wand: When activated, this metal wand quickly turns to dust. One use.

474. Steadfast Trousers: These average-looking pants become harder to remove as the wearer's need to use a restroom increases.

475. Unbound Boots: The laces of these boots become untied whenever the wearer is not looking at them.

[8BitNinja]

476. The Elder Scroll: reading it will turn you into an old man, with none of the wisdom or experience

[Vinyadan]

477. Green Quark - Smelly, spoiled dairy product. Key for gaining the powers granted by the Green Quark Adept class, on which it is better not to dwell.

[Gallade]

478) Club of Fighting: First, you do not talk about this club. Second, you do NOT talk about this club.