1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[Anonymouswizard]

476. The Elder Scroll: reading it will turn you into an old man, with none of the wisdom or experience

479. The Older Scroll: was created about 2 days before an Elder Scroll.

480. Wand of Calling: it'll go wherever you will go.

[Vinyadan]

481. Explosive Dunes - You probalby don't want to go in that desert.

[Mister Tom]

481. Explosive Dunes - You probalby don't want to go in that desert.

482: Boots of dessert walking. The wearer is able to move without encumbrance over blancmange, steamed pudding and clafoutis.

[8BitNinja]

483. Boots of Desert Walking: you can only walk in these boots if you are in the desert

[Vinyadan]

483. Boots of Desert Walking: you can only walk in these boots if you are in the desert

484. Boots of Deserter Walking: as you wear them, you are compelled to walk away and leave your party.

[Mister Tom]

485. Moccasins of desert walking: gradually fill with hot sand, regardless of terrain. (could be useful in the tundra I guess!)

[Gallade]

485. Moccasins of desert walking: gradually fill with hot sand, regardless of terrain. (could be useful in the tundra I guess!)

486) Moccasin of Moccasins: When put on, the wearer will draw more attention from moccasin snakes.

[Vinyadan]

486) Moccasin of Moccasins: When put on, the wearer will draw more attention from moccasin snakes.

487. Moccasins of Bites: each time this pair of moccasins is taken off, the person nearest to the wearer is forced to start biting them to keep them soft and flexible.

[Mister Tom]

...ew.

Water Moccasins: two poisonous snakes transmuted into boots of water walking. The enchantment is designed to end on contact with water.

[Kelb_Panthera]

468) Self-respawning cake: When eaten, this cake teleports and reforms instantly in a random spot on the current plane. Since it's teleporting, it has none of the effects of eating cake, including flavor, nutrition or satiation. Also, you don't know how many people put it in their mouth before, and that's just gross.

The cake is a lie!

What? Someone had to.

[Vinyadan]

489. Recanter of Endless Water: A full sized statue of a crying man, guarding an ancient temple. When someone passes nearby, it will scream that only a limited quantity of water is available to Material Plane, and renounce the heresy of Watorno.

490. Cup of Doubt: a common cup. If someone is woefully drunk near the cup in the absence of the owner, the owner will find the cup filled with a light yellow liquid when he comes back. It could be chamomile tea from the night before, but are you really sure?

491. Cup de Grace: Whoever drinks from this cup will dance like an angel (+5 DEX, 1 turn) and die forthwith (no save).

492. Fork of Horripilation: it gives you goosebumps!

493. Leather Moccasins: Like Water Moccasins, but turn into snakes digesting your feet when worn. Everything in the moccasins' mouth (and beyond) turns into leather, to revert to normality when you pull it out.

494. Trumpet of the Call to Arms: whenever the Trumpet is played, everyone grab each other's arms!

495. Blindfold of Acute Sight: While wearing the Blindfold, your eyes could see twice the normal distance, if they weren't obstructed by it.

496: Ring of Concrete Thinking: whoever wears this Ring will find himself thinking of nothing but cement.

497: Radial Armour: an Armour which turns the wearer into a two dimensional circle.

498: Ring of Thugs: whenever you wear this Ring, they show up and beat you.

499. Drug Ring: these will also try to knife you.

500. Ring of Acuity: whenever you wear this ring, reality warps around you. For a range of 2 m, all obtuse angles become acute.

[8BitNinja]

501. Ring of Purity: Only one with a pure body, mind, and spirit may wear the ring, it grants no powers

502. Necklace of Necks: turns your neck into the likeness of a neck of another animal, neck stays the same length

503. Bracelet of Love: Causes everyone to love you and publicly express it. Sounds great, but do you really want the most evil people to say that they love what you do?

504. Bracelet of Hate: causes everyone to hate you

505. Cap of the Judge: turns wearer into a hypercritical, offensive jerk, but to be fair, he is right

[Vinyadan]

506. Deep Purple Cape: the cape is actually indigo, but it constantly hums Smoke on the Water solos with a falsetto voice.

507. Lycanthropic Shield: The shield grows a fur on full moon. It also drools a lot.

[8BitNinja]

508) Garb of Anakin Skywalker: Garb will make you talk about how much you hate sand and how this is podracing

[Anonymouswizard]

508) Garb of Anakin Skywalker: Garb will make you talk about how much you hate sand and how this is podracing

Yippie!

Sorry, it's this garb.

509. Head Band of Intellect: the smartest group of bard in the setting.

[Vinyadan]

510. Antilife Shell: A mortar shell that kills people when it explodes.

[8BitNinja]

510. Antilife Shell: A mortar shell that kills people when it explodes.

That's just a mundane mortar shell.

[JoeJ]

511. Shield of Faith. The shield believes in all the gods. It also sings praises to them. Loudly. All the time.

[Vinyadan]

That's just a mundane mortar shell.

But it's worthlessly magic!

512. Bull's Eye: This magical lantern allows a blind bull to see what the carrier is doing.

513. Grappling Snook: A large dried up fish, occasionally used as a ceiling decoration in harbour taverns. It somehow grapples everything in its reach, in spite of its lack of hands.

[Mister Tom]

Ikeya's vital component: enchanted to act as a key, bradawl, screwdriver or grommet. Unfortunately the enchantment also acts as aforgetfulness spell on contact, I'm sure I had one here a moment ago...

[Anonymouswizard]

515. Extra Part: always seems to arrive with magic item construction kits, and doesn't seem to be required. Secondary power: replacing a part needed to complete the item.

[Vinyadan]

Grappling Book: You won't be able to put it down!

[Mister Tom]

517. Rod of lordly might: gives a +2 bonus to skill checks when detecting or making double entendres ( +5 in mixed company). It is made of mahogany, so its possessor always has wood. I'll get my coat.

518 Boo meringue; it adds +2 to intimidate checks when worn on the head. Bonus is in addition to the natural -4 penalty to intimidate checks of having a meringue on your head.

[8BitNinja]

519) Rod of Lordly Might, other: It's magical name will never let you say it with a straight face

[Vinyadan]

520: Rod of Rod: it belongs to Rod. It also changes length, based on what Rod's thinking.

[LokiRagnarok]

Yippie!

Sorry, it's this garb.

509. Head Band of Intellect: the smartest group of bard in the setting.

521. Head Bang of Intellect. Causes all of your headbanging to look like you are sagely nodding.

522. Hat Bank of Intellect: A magical door knob opening a pathway to a building where you can store all of your Intelligence affecting items which are worn in the head slot, and nothing else. Cannot be used to escape from danger.

[Vinyadan]

Rod of Rhodes: Colossal rod. Causes wonder in the viewers.

[8BitNinja]

524: Rod of Cod: a normal rod made put of codfish, if eaten it won't even satiate you

[AmewTheFox]

525: Rod of Mass Acceleration: You move twice as fast. Unfortunately, so does everything else.

[JoeJ]

526. Wand of Wonder. It has lots of questions.

537. Wand of Wander. Causes the possessor to walk around randomly.