Magic the Gathering XXII: Where Puns Go to Die

[Androgeus]

All art by Uncle Festy. Worship him for his god like art skills.
Also, he takes requests. Sometimes. Usually he bites your head off if he isn't in the 'art' mood.

Well, hello, hello, hello and good day to you here at Giant in the Playground! This is the 22nd official Magic: the Gathering thread on Giantitp forums!
This is the place for everything regarding the game - rules questions, your own card creations, decks, reports, rants about recent sets/cards/rules changes, the storyline, favorite cards/colors/sets/characters/pros/articles, the absolute glory/terrible creation that is Elder Dragon Highlander Commander, or any other awesome Magical exploits.
And definitely don't be shy if you're new to the game or think about starting. We would love to bring more players in, and help you get started!

On Card Spoilers: Currently as far as I understand most posters here don't mind having the next set of cards spoiled. So we can post them. However if someone request cards to be spoiled we will probably oblige them.

If you want, you can post decks and have them placed here in a list similar to the one below! Shoot me a PM if you're interested and I don't have my Ivory Mask.

Note: This is horribly out of date.
The Deck Gallery:

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Mirrinus' "Norg'

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Creatures:
4 Cloud Sprite
4 Spellstutter Sprite
4 Pestermite
3 Thieving Sprite
3 Latchkey Faerie
4 Ninja of the Deep Hours
2 Okiba-Gang Shinobi

Instants:
4 Mana Leak
4 Agony Warp
3 Rend Flesh
2 Condescend

Lands:
4 Terramorphic Expanse
7 Swamp
12 Island

Sideboard:
2 Mistblade Shinobi
3 Echoing Truth
3 Negate
3 Remove Soul
4 Peppersmoke

The basic strategy is to play evasive creatures with nice CIP abilities, then bounce them with ninja to replay them again, gaining tons of card advantage. Save the instant counters for things you can't handle, like high cost spells that Spellstutter Sprite can't hit, or board-wiping spells. The deck has lots of disruption and can usually play pretty aggressively. Nearly every spell can potentially 2-for-1 the opponent, giving me control of the game thanks to my strong card advantage. It's a very cheap deck to build due to being made entirely of commons, yet I find that it's still a solid deck to play in other casual formats as well. Its biggest weaknesses appear to be board-sweeping spells and pingers, so my sideboard is built to accomidate either of those threats. Peppersmoke handles most pingers and can decimate casual aggro decks. Remove Soul is also good against aggro, while Negate is for control decks that have been popular lately. Echoing Truth is to stop pauper storm decks based on Empty the Warrens, and the Mistblade Shinobi is for keeping midrange creature decks off balance.

Mirrinus' Pauper Mono White Control

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Deck: Sarutabaruta (or just call it Pauper Mono-W Control)
Format: MTGO Pauper Classic

Creatures
4 Order of Leitbur
3 Shade of Trokair
4 Noble Templar

Instants
4 Judge Unworthy
3 Dawn Charm
3 Holy Light
4 Fire at Will
4 Unmake

Sorceries
1 Cenn's Enlistment

Enchantments
4 Oblivion Ring
2 Faith's Fetters

Lands
20 Plains
4 Secluded Steppe

Sideboard
4 Circle of Protection: Red
1 Circle of Protection: Black
4 Kami of Ancient Law
1 Holy Light
1 Cenn's Enlistment
4 Relic of Progenitus

(Note: the circles of protection were common when printed in 7th edition, so they're legal for pauper.)

Anyway, I realized that most decks for pauper are creature-heavy, due to the lack of mass removal. So I built a deck designed to crush aggro strategies. I run a wealth of removal spells, some of which can earn card advantage. My creatures are few, but are versatile and are great both early and late game, oftentimes utilizing my excess mana to the fullest. The Kami of Ancient Law in the sideboard is mostly to switch in against creature-light decks as an early beater, or to replace Holy Light against white decks. I figure that if a deck is playing white, it's likely to be playing white enchantment-based removal like Oblivion Ring or Temporal Isolation, so the Kami would be great at keeping my other creatures clear of these answers.

What I'm still considering, though, is the removal suite. I like Fire at Will for its potential for card advantage, particularly against weenie swarms like Slivers. Unmake is also great simply for the lack of the attack/blocker clause. The Dawn Charms are there mostly for versatility, as I can usually think of a good use for it. I'm not sure if I should be maindecking the Holy Lights, though. So far, they've only been useful against pinger decks, Empty the Warrens, and certain elf builds. However, given that Storm may be one of the best pauper builds, Holy Light affords me with my best chance of trumping Empty the Warrens. But most of all, I'm debating Judge Unworthy. On one hand, having 8 removal spells that require attacking/blocking is kind of restrictive; on the other hand, it's my cheapest removal spell, and my only removal option for turn 2. The Scry is oftentimes a toss-up; getting rid of excess land is great, but I've had instances where I needed to draw another land, but can't put a land on top of my deck with Scry if I want to kill a creature. I guess Temporal Isolation is a possible substitute, but it's pretty lousy in the Silvers matchup, which is perhaps the most common deck played in the pauper casual room as of late.

I'm still debating whether Relic of Progenitus should be in the sideboard; perhaps I could use more aggro options to switch in against creature-light decks, even though those tend to be fewer in number for this format.

Mirrinus' Countersliver

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Deck: Pauper UW Countersliver
Format: Extended Pauper

Creatures:
4 Azorius First-wing
4 Bant Sureblade
4 Deft Duelist
4 Ethercaste Knight
4 Esper Stormblade

Artifacts:
4 Fieldmist Borderpost

Enchantments:
4 Temporal Isolation

Instants:
4 Mana Tithe
4 Mana Leak
3 Remove Soul
3 Hindering Light

Lands:
4 Terramorphic Expanse
7 Island
7 Plains

Countersliver is a classic and effective Magic deck archetype that seeks to win by playing a few cheap, efficient threats to take the early game lead, then using permission and light removal elements to prevent the late-game from coming as you press your advantage. The archetype is named after the original version, which played Crystalline Sliver as its flagship creature.

Countersliver is a good example of an effective aggro-control deck. Your creatures are weaker than your opponent's best aggro creatures, and your removal and card advantage suite isn't nearly as strong as a dedicated control player's. What you do have, though, is tempo. You have superior early-game creatures to all but the best aggro decks, and you'll be shaving pieces off your opponent's life very quickly while trying to maintain your board advantage. Countersliver especially likes to prey on slower decks. Compare a Countersliver deck to a normal permission control deck. Against a mid-range deck, both are able to stall for several turns with their counterspells. However, while the permission deck is just buying time to play a big finisher, Countersliver will have a guy in play by turn 2, and attacking the opponent relentlessly while stalling for time. In other words, it has a tangible clock in play, which will likely win before the late-game hits.

Countersliver is normally weak against fast aggro decks with superior creatures. However, my personal build contains a few elements that help that matchup. First is the high number of first-striking creatures. Bant Sureblade and Deft Duelist make formidable blockers, easily dispatching lots of popular aggro creatures with high power but low toughness. Deft Duelist is also impossible to burn out of the way, making it a particularly impressive defender. Of course, both are also rather nasty on offense as well. Another nice card in the aggro matchup is Ethercaste Knight. 3 toughness means it can handle many early-game opposing creatures with ease, and it can lend power to my offense without ever having to tap. My favorite starting plays with this deck involve Esper Stormblade on turn 2, followed by Ethercaste Knight on turn 3 with one land up for Mana Tithe. I get to swing for 4 points of flying starting on turn 3, which can lead to a turn 7 win. With Ethercaste Knight blocking on the ground and a slew of countermagic and removal, I'm likely to win a damage race with just those two creatures.

The key to playing this deck is to not overextend with your creatures, and to keep mana open for counters available as often as possible, even if you aren't actually holding a counter. Exalted lets you finish games quickly without having to play many additional creatures. I prefer my fliers for attacking while keeping the first strikers back for defense to win the damage race against aggro. Of course, if you have a clear creature advantage, by all means attack en masse! Just be sure to have countermagic on hand in case they drop a big creature or removal spell. The good thing about this deck is that practically every single spell costs just 2 mana or less (I don't count the borderposts, as I usually pay their alternate cost), which means by turn 4 you can feasibly drop another threat and still have Mana Leak or Remove Soul ready. The deck desperately wants to hit UW by turn 2 (an opening hand that can't do this should be mulliganed), but with 4 Terramorphic Expanses and 4 Borderposts, that shouldn't be too hard to do, at least in my testing thus far.

If you want a sideboard, I would recommend trying out Steel of the Godhead. Against decks light on removal but heavy on aggro, this card is a total beating that almost ensures victory in the damage race. Just keep in mind that you can't enchant your Azorius First-wings or Deft Duelists. In such a matchups where I'd want Steel of the Godhead, such as against aggressive red decks, I'd probably swap out the griffins for Vedalken Outlander.

Shas'aia Toriia's Orzhov Control

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Creatures (13)
4x Divinity of Pride
4x Graveborn Muse
2x Shimian Specter
3x Oriss, Samite Guardian

Artifacts (1)
1x Sword of Light and Shadow

Instants (4)
4x Mortify

Planeswalkers (2)
2x Liliana Vess

Sorceries (16)
4x Demonic Tutor
4x Vindicate (substituting in a couple Oblivion Rings until I can afford a playset)
4x Gerrard's Verdict
2x Wrath of God
2x Damnation

Land (24)
4x Godless Shrine
4x Fetid Heath
4x Caves of Koilos
1x Shizo, Death's Storehouse
1x Eiganjo Castle
2x Orzhova, Church of Deals
3x Flagstones of Trokair
2x Forbidding Watchtower
2x Swamp
1x Plains

To start off with this deck, you want to either strip their hand away with Gerrard's Veridct or search for something good with Demonic Tutor. Once you have Graveborn muse in play, just start accumalating card advantage. If they try to attack, prevent the damage with Oriss, or block with Forbidding Watchtower. Finish off the game with Liliana Vess or Divinity of Pride. Above all, though, don't be afraid to Wrath often. With 4 wrath effects and 6 tutors, you can always get more.

Lastly, there is a soft lock in this deck. See if you can find what it is.

MountainKing's UBR Elemental Shenanigans:

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Creatures:
Supreme Exemplar x2
Mulldrifter x3
Mournwhelk x3
Shriekmaw x3
Spitebellows x3
Inner-Flame Acolyte x3
Stingscourger x3

Artifacts:
Proteus Staff x3
Cauldron of Souls x3
Cloudstone Curio x3
Armillary Sphere x3

Sorceries:
Heat Shimmer x2

Instants:
Peel from Reality x2
Turn to Mist x4

Lands:
Basic Swamp x6
Basic Mountain x7
Basic Island x7

Sideboard (aka the Experiment Pile):
Thrumming Stone
Coalition Relic
Cruel Ultimatum x3
River Kelpie x2
Heat Shimmer
Mana Echoes x2
Dawn of the Dead
Tar Fiend x2
Footbottom Feast x3

The basic premise of the deck is to use the triggered come into play or leaves play effects on creatures, repeatedly, in order to bring about an effective soft lock on the game through denial. This is achieved through taking two keywords abilities (Evoke and Persist)... and breaking them soundly over your knee.

The core of the deck is the interaction between Cauldron of Souls (the only card in the deck that gives creatures Persist) and Elemental creatures with Evoke alternative casting costs. In response to the Evoke's triggered effect, you tap Cauldron of Souls to give the Evoked creature Persist. It leaves play, then returns to play, causing its triggered come into play ability to go on the stack a second time, for no additional mana cost.

Example: If I evoke a Mulldrifter for 2U, when it comes into play, I draw two cards. Since I paid the Evoke cost, the triggered effect goes on the stack. I give it Persist via Cauldron of Souls, and when it comes into play a second time, I draw two more cards.

Example 2: The interaction between Spitebellows and Cauldron of Souls is fundamentally the same, except that the creature's ability triggers when it leaves play, rather than comes into play. However, when Persist brings Spitebellows back into play, it has a zero toughness courtesy of its -1/-1 counter from Persist, sending it cheerfully back to the graveyard a second time, allowing for either 12 damage to be done to one creature, or 6 damage to be done to two separate creatures.

The typical play of the deck leaves it feeling like its ramping a little slowly. Turns 1-5, you'll probably only have played an Armillary Sphere, Cloudstone Curio, Cauldron of Souls, and land. ***NOTE*** This deck likes its mana, and digging up lands with the Armillary Sphere is crucial.

Once turn 6 hits, however, you'll be causing some serious hurt, having surprisingly rapid, effective tools at your disposal during your turn. Mournwhelk empties your opponent's hand, Shriekmaw and Spitebellows tear down your opponent's creatures, while Stingscourger stalls out their creatures. Supreme Exemplar is the only huge beater in the deck, though clearing the opposing board, casting a Spitebellows (not Evoking), and then giving it +2/+0 and Haste via Inner-Flame Acolyte (if not +4/+0) can give you a suitable beater as well. Otherwise, your damage comes from lightweight, evasive creatures like Shriekmaw and Mulldrifter.

This deck isn't especially meant to play against terribly competitive players, but it *can* perform against moderately fast decks. The difference is that it moves slightly slower, and loses out on creatures, because instead of holding on to your Evoke creatures, you'll be playing them in to deal with threats on board. I've got a list of cards that I personally intend to use to tinker with the deck even further, but I'll leave the deck *as is* for the purpose of posting it. I want people to be able to tinker with it, and the deck *does* work well in its current form.

The deck also has a number of specific weaknesses, none of which should be terribly worried about. It's meant to be a fun deck... for you. It won't be fun for them.

Maho-Tsukai's The Black Plague, a deck for multiplayer

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Deck:
Lands:
3x Cabal Coffers
1x Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth
20x Swamp

Creatures:
2x Pestilence Demon
4x Stuffy Doll
4x Cemetary Gate
4x Reassembling Skeleton

Enchantments:
4x Pestilence
4x Circle of Affliction

Sorceries/Instants:
2x Consume Spirit
4x Diabolic Tutor
1x Demonic Tutor
2x Bubbling Muck
4x Dark Ritual
1x Culling the Weak

Description:
This is one deck that will make you absolutely hated in multiplayer. It's a mono-black deck that focuses on using the combination of Pestilence + Circle of Affliction (set to Black) to lock down the game by wiping the board every turn and kill your opponent(s) all at the same time.

This deck acts very similar to the old school W/B decks that pared Pestilence with Circle of Protection: Black and Pro Black creatures like White Knight. However, due to the printing of cards like Reassembling Skeleton, Stuffy Doll and Circle of Affliction white this deck no longer needs white to run properly. Mono Black now has enough cards to emulate the white cards that this kind of deck used to rely on and by using only black you have more mana to pour into your main win condition, pestilence

As for how the deck should be played, it's really a combination of combo and control, leaning heavily towards combo. As stated before, pestilence is your main wincon, as it can burn all players for damage continually. However, to prevent your own death, circle of affliction(set to black) is used in tandem with pestilence, the one life gained offsetting the burn from pestilence, while burning your opponent more in the process. As a result you goal should be to assemble this combo as soon as possible, using your defensively-minded creatures and removal from pestilence itself and twin consume spirits to stall out while you use your various tutors to assemble all the cards you need.

The real beauty of this deck, though, is that pestilence also hits all creatures, meaning that each time you burn your opponent your also wiping his board clean of threats, essentially locking down any deck that tries to win with creatures. However, pestilence dies when you have no creatures, so you have to play creatures that can survive the enchantment. Cemetery Gate has protection from black. Reassembling Skeleton can revive himself after pestilence wipes him off the board. Stuffy Doll is indestructible....and as mentioned before all of them are strong defensive walls that can stall for time if you don't have a pestilence in play.

As for the rest of the cards, most of them are devoted to gaining tons of black mana that can be poured into pestilence. One thing this deck tries to do is maximizing Pestilence by providing lots of ways to gain extra mana to pour into it. Dark Ritual is an old standby that's great for this kind of deck while bubbling muck essentially doubles your mana for a turn. This deck features the infamous all-star of black mana gain, Cabal Coffers which can make ridiculous amounts of mana, and Urborg makes this even more ridiculous. Culling the Weak is like a stronger dark ritual with a drawback....that happens to play well with Reassembling Skeleton.

Consume Spirit provides a "finisher" as well as a way to pad your life from the times you may have had to use pestilence to wipe the board without a circle of affliction to prevent it's self-burn. It can also double as removal in a pinch, too. Also, if you find that you just need something really big and scary to beat face with, Pestilence demon comes ready to serve you, and can double as pestilence #5-6 too.

The main thing you should remember in this deck is that while the combo is nice, you should not be a slave to it. If you have a pestilence in play but no circle you should not be afraid to wipe the board and eat some damage yourself. Losing a bit of life to end the thread of a creature hoard coming your way is a worthwhile trade, and one that could save your life in the long run.

Please include lots of info on how to play the deck so that others can partake in the fun that is whatever deck you have destroyed the Multiverse with or help suggest other cards to increase the awesomeness contained in your 60 (or more) cards.
This list has been maintained by Squark, tgva, Johnny Blade, Shas, and Duos in the past.
Also, if anyone wants to drop/update any of these decks, let me know.

previous thread: Magic the Gathering XXI: Tap Target Keg

[Androgeus]

Took a little executive decision with thread title so as to not have a repeat title or a relation to the eldrazi

On the Doctor who topic from last time, off colour activated abilities might be a good thing to use to represent his varying personality.

[Duck999]

Questions for lore people:
Olivia is preparing for war with Eldrazi, right?
Sorin is Grim Nemesis of the Eldrazi?
Nahiri is harbinger... of the Eldrazi?
Arlinn Kord is involved just as another gatewatch?
Jace... is smart (he is there to learn) and a member of the gatewatch?

[Shadow of the Sun]

I am hoping that we don't have a direct Eldrazi threat, although I can accept it more from the viewpoint of "Nahiri is bringing Emrakul here" than "Emrakul is just coincidentally at Innistrad".

[Androgeus]

Questions for lore people:
Olivia is preparing for war with Eldrazi, right?
Sorin is Grim Nemesis of the Eldrazi?
Nahiri is harbinger... of the Eldrazi?
Arlinn Kord is involved just as another gatewatch?
Jace... is smart (he is there to learn) and a member of the gatewatch?

I hope this block has nothing directly related to the eldrazi in it.
Sorin is the nemesis to Nahiri.
I think Nahiri is the harbinger of the madness that has taken over the plane/her vengeance.
Arlinn knows something funky is going down and is uniting the werewolves (I think), she has no relation to the gatewatch.
Jace is looking for Sorin because Sorin didn't meet up with Ugin on zendikar.

[Tesla_pasta]

We used my title! yay!

Anyway- one of the spoilers

Spoiler: Rise from the Tides

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In English:
Sorcery, 6u
Put a 2/2 black zombie creature token onto the battlefield tapped for each instant and sorcery in your graveyard.

looks like a sweet build around. I kinda want to do a Jori En, Ruin Delver mystery themed commander deck, full of cantrips and clues and such. Rise from the Tides works as a fantastic non-combo win condition for the deck, as does runechanter's pike... but I can't really think of anything else to use as a win condition that ISN'T an infinite combo.

Got any suggestions for win conditions/ flavorful cards for a UR detective deck?

[Fable Wright]

Questions for lore people:
Olivia is preparing for war with Eldrazi, right?
Sorin is Grim Nemesis of the Eldrazi?
Nahiri is harbinger... of the Eldrazi?
Arlinn Kord is involved just as another gatewatch?
Jace... is smart (he is there to learn) and a member of the gatewatch?

Olivia is preparing for war against Avacyn or Nahiri; which is unclear.
Sorin is the Grim Nemesis of Nahiri, who's messing with his home plane just to destroy him emotionally.
Nahiri is the harbinger of the Eldritch Moon.
Arlinn Kord is a native of Innistrad who smells something strange here, and wants to lead the werewolves against whatever threat Innistrad faces.
Jace is the bad self-insert fanfic protagonist who simply must get involved with everything. Because marketing. And everybody loves Jace, right? Right? So he's just going to replace Tamiyo here, get top billing on all the boxes, and save yet another plane from whatever threat it faces, get some kind of role crucial to the functioning of Innistrad after Avacyn dies, and then he'll bugger off from the plane for months or years at a time, regardless of the consequences, so he can get top billing as the hero again.

I may have something against Jace for being the single weakest protagonist Magic has ever created, yes, but after thinking about how he's treating Ravnica, who can blame me?

I hope this block has nothing directly related to the eldrazi in it.
Sorin is the nemesis to Nahiri.
I think Nahiri is the harbinger of the madness that has taken over the plane/her vengeance.
Arlinn knows something funky is going down and is uniting the werewolves (I think), she has no relation to the gatewatch.
Jace is looking for Sorin because Sorin didn't meet up with Ugin on zendikar.

Likewise. I'm certain that Nahiri is bringing forth Horror Tribal in Eldritch Moon, and that she'd never willingly align with Spaghetti Monster.

[Dhavaer]

Not-Throat Wolf looks pretty good. Wondering if it will fit into Rakdos Vampires. Probably not - Olivia could make it a vampire but RR would be hard in a mostly black deck.

[gooddragon1]

Blood Knight
White Knight
Black Knight

Now we only need a Doomknight that has protection from white, black and red.
Immune to most (if not all) removal (yeah except mass removal)
Posted By: SPhoenix (7/13/2010 9:08:02 AM)

Doomknight RWB
Creature - Human Knight
Double Strike, lifelink, deathtouch, protection from red, from white, and from black.
2/2

Should probably cost more.

Triple protection wording cribbed from oversoul of dusk.

[Fable Wright]

Doomknight RWB
Creature - Human Knight
Double Strike, lifelink, deathtouch, protection from red, from white, and from black.
2/2

First Strike and Deathtouch: Acceptable on a 5-mana 2/2, but only when attacking. Hypnotic Specter/First Strike/Lifelink might be an acceptable combination for that cost with those protections, but is still rather pushed.

[gooddragon1]

First Strike and Deathtouch: Acceptable on a 5-mana 2/2, but only when attacking. Hypnotic Specter/First Strike/Lifelink might be an acceptable combination for that cost with those protections, but is still rather pushed.

How about haste, first strike, lifelink and the protections?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

So I'm constructing a cube that's just terrible cards. Making some progress, but the line that divides 'playable at a stretch' and 'awful in its every single aspect' can be a bit blurred at times. I need suggestions for the latter. I'm looking for the Sorrow's Paths, Viashino Skeletons and Mindless Nulls of the world.

Bear in mind we have a surplus of cards that are terrible for being too expensive for what they do. If you guys can suggest some completely ineffectual low mana cards like Defensive Stance or Filthy Cur, or something.

[Mystic Muse]

So I'm constructing a cube that's just terrible cards. Making some progress, but the line that divides 'playable at a stretch' and 'awful in its every single aspect' can be a bit blurred at times. I need suggestions for the latter. I'm looking for the Sorrow's Paths, Viashino Skeletons and Mindless Nulls of the world.

Bear in mind we have a surplus of cards that are terrible for being too expensive for what they do. If you guys can suggest some completely ineffectual low mana cards like Defensive Stance or Filthy Cur, or something.

Please post your list when done, I'm wanting to make a "Strictly Worse" cube as well.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Please post your list when done, I'm wanting to make a "Strictly Worse" cube as well.

Absolutely. I'll let you know how it goes, too.

[Fable Wright]

How about haste, first strike, lifelink and the protections?

Perfectly fine. Might be a bit on the weak end.

So I'm constructing a cube that's just terrible cards. Making some progress, but the line that divides 'playable at a stretch' and 'awful in its every single aspect' can be a bit blurred at times. I need suggestions for the latter. I'm looking for the Sorrow's Paths, Viashino Skeletons and Mindless Nulls of the world.

Bear in mind we have a surplus of cards that are terrible for being too expensive for what they do. If you guys can suggest some completely ineffectual low mana cards like Defensive Stance or Filthy Cur, or something.

Well, there's the obvious Mudhole. The legendary Wood Elemental. Darksteel Myr is kinda sad. Razor Boomerang is verges on absolute terribleness. Chimney Imp is hilaribad. All praise Scornful Egotist, though the morph makes him vaguely playable as a Grey Ogre. Rod of Ruin is terrible in modern constructed formats, but it will win games in the terricube. Orcish Bloodpainter is bad, but being a 2/1 for 3 probably makes him too good for this cube.

Other cards worthy of consideration:

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Acidic Dagger
Akron Legionnaire
Aladdin's Ring... though it's far more efficient than Razor Boomerang or Rod of Ruin
Aleatory
Amulet of Kroog
Aphetto Vulture... though it's a 3/2 that keeps coming back once you hit 6 mana
Aquus Steed
Aven Trooper
Aysen Highway
Balm of Restoration
Blessed Wine
Break Open
Call for Blood
Caravan Hurda, to counterbalance those Rod of Ruin decks
Caregiver
Celestial Prism
All the Laces
Cephalid Snitch
Conservator
Coma Veil as worst removal
Coral Reef
Crawling Filth
Crevasse
Crystal Seer
Cut the Tethers
Cyclopean Snare
Maybe Cyclops tyrant
Death of a Thousand Stings
Deathcurse Ogre
Desert Sandstorm
Dispersing Orb
Dromad Purebred
Dwarven Sea Clan
Elvish Pathcutter
Embershot
Gatherer stopped working here on this search, but there's some wonderfully terrible stuff to use.

[Duck999]

Olivia is preparing for war against Avacyn or Nahiri; which is unclear.

Two strong good guys turned evil... great.
Speaking of which, whatever happened to the theory that Nahiri and Avacyn were one and the same? Was it just shut down by Wizards?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Well, there's the obvious Mudhole. The legendary Wood Elemental. Darksteel Myr is kinda sad. Razor Boomerang is verges on absolute terribleness. Chimney Imp is hilaribad. All praise Scornful Egotist, though the morph makes him vaguely playable as a Grey Ogre. Rod of Ruin is terrible in modern constructed formats, but it will win games in the terricube. Orcish Bloodpainter is bad, but being a 2/1 for 3 probably makes him too good for this cube.

Great selections. A lot of them have already been considered. Cephalid Snitch is partially what inspired me to make this cube.

But yes, we decided fairly early on that square stat creatures with no drawbacks are too good. We're looking for cards on par with Spineless Thug, Goblin Firebug, Filthy Cur, Sellsword Brute, Goblin Elite Infantry as far as early game creatures are going.

[Svata]

Numai Outcast/Takeno's Calvary?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Numai Outcast/Takeno's Calvary?

As tempting as it is we have to be careful putting too many Kamigawa cards in the cube. Enough cards with Spirit or Arcane affinity and they might become playable. Numai Outcast is a lock, for sure. Takeno's Calvary is very likely. From here on Kamigawa gets low priority, as easy as it would be to fill up empty slots.

[Svata]

Fair. But they're both just so awful. 5 mana 1/1s with minimal upside.

What about Abbey Matron, Acidic Dagger, Adventurer's Guildhouse's cycle, and Aether Tide?

Arcum's Sleigh and Avalanche, don't include snow-covered lands?

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Fair. But they're both just so awful. 5 mana 1/1s with minimal upside.

What about Abbey Matron, Acidic Dagger, Adventurer's Guildhouse's cycle, and Aether Tide?

Arcum's Sleigh and Avalanche, don't include snow-covered lands?

Acidic Dagger, for sure. It's right up there with Juju Bubble and Razor Boomerang for cack awful artifacts.

Haven't heard of the others. Looking them up as we squeak, but Gatherer's down, so I'm working around it.

Also, I'd argue Takeno's Cavalry has minimal upsides. Numai Outcast hates you for putting her in your deck. It's a Hill Giant some of the time that asks a quarter of your life to keep around. At all other times it dies to Scorching Spear, which sucks and is definitely going to be in. See why I didn't want square stat creatures in the cube? They're easily the best picks.

[Svata]

Gatherer is back

[DJ Yung Crunk]

Not on my end.

[Ionbound]

Spoiler: Spoilers

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This is a good sign for werewolves:

[Ninjaman]

A thing to note when making a crap cube is that while the cards need to be awful, they also need to do something, so no break open and mudhole.

[Fable Wright]

A thing to note when making a crap cube is that while the cards need to be awful, they also need to do something, so no break open and mudhole.

But without Break Open, how will you deal with the might of a morphed Scornful Egotist?

[Ninjaman]

But without Break Open, how will you deal with the might of a morphed Scornful Egotist?

I'm pretty sure all morph cards are too good just from being 2/2s for 3 in colorless.

[DJ Yung Crunk]

A thing to note when making a crap cube is that while the cards need to be awful, they also need to do something, so no break open and mudhole.

Yeah, that's another reason a lot of Kamigawa is out. "Counter target Arcane" is just a blank. It's an easy pass in a draft. We don't want easy passes.

See, Kamigawa is terrible because it's so insular. Limited Kamigawa works, if you can get your hands on it. Compare it to, say, Homelands or Mercadian Masques, which is bad because it simple has crap cards. Both of those are far more ripe for this cube.

I'm pretty sure all morph cards are too good just from being 2/2s for 3 in colorless.

That was my thinking as well. That's partially why this cube is so difficult. It can't just "be bad" it has to "be bad in a bad cards cube".

Here's what I mean. Take this feller.



In all other contexts this guy's bad because his activated ability is absurdly expensive. But in a bad cube draft it reads "4/5 with no drawbacks for 6 mana" and that's just too good.

[Ninjaman]

Yeah, that's another reason a lot of Kamigawa is out. "Counter target Arcane" is just a blank. It's an easy pass in a draft. We don't want easy passes.

See, Kamigawa is terrible because it's so insular. Limited Kamigawa works, if you can get your hands on it. Compare it to, say, Homelands or Mercadian Masques, which is bad because it simple has crap cards. Both of those are far more ripe for this cube.

You are right. There are still some Kamigawa cards that can be put in though, there might be enough spirits around to have the extremely conditional removal spells, and it might even be possible to build an awful soulshift deck (to be fair in this format having just three soulshift cards will be useful.)

[DJ Yung Crunk]

You are right. There are still some Kamigawa cards that can be put in though, there might be enough spirits around to have the extremely conditional removal spells, and it might even be possible to build an awful soulshift deck (to be fair in this format having just three soulshift cards will be useful.)

We're definitely going to have Kamigawa cards in here. We just have to be careful not to make it so that Spirit and Arcane affinity becomes a thing.

As for removal, if you can cast it at instant speed it might be too good.