Condescending Words

[ThinkMinty]

Some words just ooze condescension and disdain, pretty much regardless of context.

For the purposes of silliness and crowdsourcing, let's list some of 'em, or not.

First up: Actually.

[Ninja_Prawn]

pretty much regardless of context.

You're going to run into a lot of trouble here. Given this clause, it will only take one counterexample to derail the thread...

[Comissar]

I use 'actually' regularly in a scientific context when introducing a problem. Example; "Our models of X suggest that we should see phenomenon Y when condition Z is met. What we actually see is phenomenon A. This suggests that our model of X is either inherently flawed, or cannot accurately predict X whilst condition Z is being met. The purpose of this study is to examine what may be causing this discrepancy between the model and the actual data."

So on, and so forth. Context is everything for deciding if something is condescending or not, the words themselves very rarely play into it.

[Aedilred]

For me the one which always gets my hackles up, whether it's directed at me or someone else, is "wrong". Especially when it's used to start a reply.

e.g.

"This thread will end in trouble"
"Wrong, it'll all be fine."

I think it's the implied dismissiveness of the contradicted opinion as having any validity at all, as well as a claim to some sort of objective rectitude (never, of course, conclusively sourced) that makes it so irritating, whether in person or online.

[Maryring]

"Fine" whenever it's used to start a sentence.

"Fine. Let's do it."
"Fine. You're right."
"Fine."

Much condescending. Very lack of care.

[Brother Oni]

"Fine" whenever it's used to start a sentence.

"Fine. Let's do it."
"Fine. You're right."
"Fine."

Much condescending. Very lack of care.

"How are you?"

"Fine, thanks. How are you?"

[Wardog]

Some words just ooze condescension and disdain, pretty much regardless of context.

For the purposes of silliness and crowdsourcing, let's list some of 'em, or not.

First up: Actually.

Actually, in Bangladesh, they seem to use "actually" to start every conversation.

(Or at least, when I was there a couple of years ago, that was how everyone I met talked).

[Flickerdart]

For me the one which always gets my hackles up, whether it's directed at me or someone else, is "wrong". Especially when it's used to start a reply.

e.g.

"This thread will end in trouble"
"Wrong, it'll all be fine."

I think it's the implied dismissiveness of the contradicted opinion as having any validity at all, as well as a claim to some sort of objective rectitude (never, of course, conclusively sourced) that makes it so irritating, whether in person or online.

"I was wrong to get those badgers drunk."
"The badgers took it the wrong way when I tried to take away their liquor."

[Lethologica]

You're going to run into a lot of trouble here. Given this clause, it will only take one counterexample to derail the thread...

Thread derailment accelerated.

Word + context will make this more effective. For example: 'really', when applied to someone else's actions/opinions/beliefs. "Do you really think that...?"

[AMFV]

Thread derailment accelerated.

Word + context will make this more effective. For example: 'really', when applied to someone else's actions/opinions/beliefs. "Do you really think that...?"

That's not necessarily condescending though either. The emphasis makes it so. "Do you really think that's the best way to do that?" is a genuine inquiry, you're trying to find out if that's actually their opinion or what they're presenting "Do you really think that's the best way to do that?" is a condescending statement.

"Fine" whenever it's used to start a sentence.

"Fine. Let's do it."
"Fine. You're right."
"Fine."

Much condescending. Very lack of care.

Fine day for a picnic, isn't it?

[Jormengand]

Word + context will make this more effective. For example: 'really', when applied to someone else's actions/opinions/beliefs. "Do you really think that...?"

"Really? You agree? That's wonderful!"

[Freemason Than]

A topic about condescension?
How droll.

[sktarq]

Yes but droll evokes dry amusement. It would only be condescending if that amusement was at another's expense.

Personally, I don't think there are any condescending words. Many if not most word can be used in such a manner. Rare words often are considered such because the use of a wide vocabulary is seen by some as condescending, in a "I'm so smart/educated" way that implies that the person spoken to is not.

[Knaight]

Dearie. There are likely counter examples, but the last two letters only tend to appear when it's being used to condescend at people.

[Bulldog Psion]

Dearie. There are likely counter examples, but the last two letters only tend to appear when it's being used to condescend at people.

Yes, you probably found one, here.

[ThinkMinty]

A topic about condescension?
How droll.

So far, this wins the thread.

You're going to run into a lot of trouble here. Given this clause, it will only take one counterexample to derail the thread...

It could have been a bit of carelessness. It could've been deliberate to give people opinions to vacillate between. It could've been both, or it could be a butterfly dreaming it's a man. Who knows, really.

[Donnadogsoth]

How about kthanxbye as a conversation ender?

[AMFV]

Dearie. There are likely counter examples, but the last two letters only tend to appear when it's being used to condescend at people.

Not always. It can be used as a term of endearment for somebody younger by somebody significantly older. Typically it would be like grandmother to granddaughter. Not as common a use anymore, but certainly common enough to avoid condescension

How about kthanxbye as a conversation ender?

When leaving phone messages. Definitely not condescending in that context. When you aren't able to stay on the phone for a while or are about to lose signal. Generally in a telephonic context that can be just fine and not condescending at all.

[Knaight]

Not always. It can be used as a term of endearment for somebody younger by somebody significantly older. Typically it would be like grandmother to granddaughter. Not as common a use anymore, but certainly common enough to avoid condescension.

Sounds like old people condescending to young ones to me.

[AvatarVecna]

Any post including the phrase "herp de derp", "derpety derp derp" or something similar is almost universally going to be used in a way that's insulting to somebody involved...although when the insult is being directed at oneself (for being a moron, like making a post about leaving a link, and then forgetting to actually leave a link) lessens the condescension.

[factotum]

Seems to me words themselves are not condescending, only the context in which they're used (and the tone, of course, but you can't really judge that from a forum post). The counterexamples above show that.

[Wardog]

Just sayin'


In my experience, pretty much exclusively implies "I knew that would be insulting or condesending, but I said it anyway".

[SirKazum]

One thing that never fails to piss me off when people use it in an argument is "you don't understand what I'm saying". It implies the only possible reason someone would have to disagree with you is because they're dumb and fail to understand the brilliance of your point; that anyone who comprehends what you're saying must necessarily agree with it, since it's so perfect. How about this, I get your point just fine and I still think it's hogwash, possibly because there's some other rationale I'm following that you fail to understand? Or maybe just don't assume one specific reason for why the other party continues to disagree (usually the one that makes you look good), where there could be many? Since you're not omniscient and can't read people's minds?

[BWR]

One thing that never fails to piss me off when people use it in an argument is "you don't understand what I'm saying". It implies the only possible reason someone would have to disagree with you is because they're dumb and fail to understand the brilliance of your point; that anyone who comprehends what you're saying must necessarily agree with it, since it's so perfect. How about this, I get your point just fine and I still think it's hogwash, possibly because there's some other rationale I'm following that you fail to understand? Or maybe just don't assume one specific reason for why the other party continues to disagree (usually the one that makes you look good), where there could be many? Since you're not omniscient and can't read people's minds?

IME, most times that phrase or something similar comes up is because someone is misunderstanding something.

Anyway, the single most condescending phrase is "with all due respect".

[A.A.King]

One thing that never fails to piss me off when people use it in an argument is "you don't understand what I'm saying". It implies the only possible reason someone would have to disagree with you is because they're dumb and fail to understand the brilliance of your point; that anyone who comprehends what you're saying must necessarily agree with it, since it's so perfect. How about this, I get your point just fine and I still think it's hogwash, possibly because there's some other rationale I'm following that you fail to understand? Or maybe just don't assume one specific reason for why the other party continues to disagree (usually the one that makes you look good), where there could be many? Since you're not omniscient and can't read people's minds?

For similar reasons to this I find the word educating to be extremely condescending and aggravating in a lot of contexts. People use educating when they not only believe their opinion/worldview/ideae is something you cannot disagree with, it is something you can only disagree with if you haven't been 'educated' enough. "You clearly lack the upbringing and understandig to realise that my view is the be all end all on this subject so let me educate you on the million ways you are objectively wrong"

Even if agree with the idea that people want 'to educate others with' I still feel like jumping to the other side of the debate because anyone who is that condescending just shouldn't be allowed to be right (even when they are).

[MonkeyBusiness]

One thing that never fails to piss me off when people use it in an argument is "you don't understand what I'm saying".

Boy, howdy: this is the worst. While it can be used neutrally (or even kindly) to clarify a genuine misunderstanding, when used in a condescending way "you don't understand" is toxic.

As a childless (or as I prefer to say, child-free) woman of a certain age, I am told "you don't understand" on a regular basis by parents who assume I am incapable of perceiving that their offspring's inappropriate behavior is in fact evidence that their child is a unique snowflake of unprecedented brilliance. Never mind that I studied child psychology, and have worked as an educator my entire life; never mind that I might actually spend more time with their child than they do. No. I "don't understand" anything about that particular kid, because I am not a parent. Not because I am not the parent of that child (which might make sense as an argument), but because I personally have not pushed another human being out of my lady parts.

Right. And I'm the one who "doesn't understand".

May I add: I am so thankful I am finally too old to be told that I "will change my mind when I get older" and decide to have kids anyway. And that I should start "before it is too late." Guess what? I am older, and I have not changed my mind, I did not magically pass some imaginary "sell-by" date when I turned forty. So you might want to shut up with your condescending crapola - before it is too late.

Also this:

Spoiler

Show

Hamilton Tickets are better than a baby.

https://aboveaverage.com/watch/above...r-than-a-baby/

Let's add "you'll change your mind" and "You'll understand when you __" to the list of condescending phrases. And "before it is too late" when it is applied to a person's age.


- Monkey

.

[goto124]

When leaving phone messages. Definitely not condescending in that context. When you aren't able to stay on the phone for a while or are about to lose signal. Generally in a telephonic context that can be just fine and not condescending at all.

Wouldn't one say "gtg" instead?

I've always thought ktksbye is exclusively and intentionally condescending.

[AMFV]

Wouldn't one say "gtg" instead?

I've always thought ktksbye is exclusively and intentionally condescending.

Nope. It can be condescending but isn't necessarily so.

[SirKazum]

IME, most times that phrase or something similar comes up is because someone is misunderstanding something.

Oh sure, as with pretty much everything else in this thread, there are contexts in which it's not condescending. In this case, mostly when it's clear that both parties are talking about entirely different subjects and one of them doesn't realize it, or any other such simple mistake. One telltale sign that it's not condescending then is that the party who's having the misunderstanding won't mind being corrected (well, usually). But no, I'm specifically talking about people who say that just because someone else is disagreeing with them. That drives me up the wall.

Let's add "you'll change your mind" and "You'll understand when you __" to the list of condescending phrases.

YES PLEASE. Can't count how many times I've heard this about such-and-such topic (prohibited topics on the board) when I was a teen. "Oh, you'll 'get it' and change your mind when you outgrow this phase of yours" or whatever crap. Here I am, a couple decades later, getting on my second marriage, I've changed a lot of stuff about myself of course, but not that.

[Ceiling_Squid]

Anyone who ends a post online with "sips tea".

Or any number of similar puffed-up, overused, smug phrases that imply that they have the final word on any given subject.