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  1. - Top - End - #31
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
    Player character: So she's available?
    My Homebrew (Free to use, don't even bother asking. PM me if you do, though; I'd love to hear stories).

    Avatar done by me (It's Durkon redrawn as Salvador from Borderlands 2).

    Nod, get treat.

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Dec 2013

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Eilowyn: "I lost the Water Essence!"
    Hadlug, Vladim, Hael, DM: *simultaneous facepalm*

    Hael: "I'll try to intimidate him." *rolls a 1*
    DM: "The bartender thinks you're cute."
    Eilowyn: "He's a genasi-sexual."
    Hael: "The freak."

    Hadlug: "He's a giant?"
    Hael: "He looks like the TF2 Heavy mixed with Kratos from that E3 presentation."
    Hadlug: "Crap, he's a russian."

    DM: "Eilowyn's main flaw is that she has no idea of what's acceptable to speak."
    Hael: "She's a bard, that's surprising."

    Vladim: "I shall baptize this child with the purest vodka."

    Eilowyn: "Believe in the stone! Believe in the stone!"
    DM: "Worst crack cocaine dealer ever."

    Eilowyn: "This is the essence's power!"
    Hael: *hums They Will Know Our Names*
    Quote Originally Posted by Dienekes View Post
    The Joker is supposed to be a nightmarish figure, the culmination of all things despicable and horrible about mankind. Of course he's a hipster.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheTeaMustFlow's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    'You have to remember they're all one irregular verb: I optimise, you're a powergamer, he's a goddamn cheating munchkin'
    Last edited by TheTeaMustFlow; 2016-06-21 at 07:56 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Toby Frost
    `This is just the beginning, Citizens! Today we have boiled a pot who's steam shall be seen across the entire galaxy. The Tea Must Flow, and it shall! The banner of the British Space Empire will be unfurled across a thousand worlds, carried forth by the citizens of Urn, and before them the Tea shall flow like a steaming brown river of shi-*cough*- shimmering moral fibre!`

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Yael's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Aztec Warriors ''You invaders leave this holy ground!''

    Cesar (OoC), Lydia's player ''How they dare?!''
    Lydia ''Desecrate.''
    Check out which is the Playground's favorite Dragon!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ursus the Grim View Post
    "Narass, what's the scouter say about their power level?"

    "**** if I know."
    >> My Extended Signature <<

    Hey guys, I'm a vestige! And a spell!

    Awesome avatar by Cuthalion.

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Samson: "So, we've heard there has been an increase in goblin attacks recently. You know anything about this?"
    Traveling Merchant: "Oh, eh, I've heard about that. Got jumped by a band of them buggers not too long ago. Seems they be after some legend called the Ursufugo."
    Lance: "The what?"
    Merchant: "'Far as I know, it's some kind of new goblin myth. From what I've heard it's supposedly a demon clad in clothes as red as blood who rides though the sky upon a bear of fire and hurls flame from his fingers. Bunch of nonsense if you ask me."
    *Everyone looks at Vick and Xaltaer*
    Vick: *Glares at Xaltaer*
    Xaltaer: *Looks at Vick* "Hey, don't blame me..."
    Vick: "I BLAME you!"

    Terra: "Lance, what is that?"
    Lance: *looks up at his new half-giant cohort* "This is Thud. He followed me home. Can we keep him?"
    Last edited by ZeroGear; 2016-06-22 at 12:17 AM.
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

    Spoiler: Visit me
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    Spoiler: Old Projects
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    Project Loreshift, game development in Progress

    Races of Wake

    Wake Human subspecies


    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by sengmeng View Post
    Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
    Player character: So she's available?
    Er... what's her age?

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Troll in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Player: I place the writer's manuscript between two slices of bread and start eating it

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by sengmeng View Post
    Important NPC: You'll be assigned as bodyguards to my niece, who was recently widowed.
    Player character: So she's available?
    Too soon buddy, too soon. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by GPuzzle View Post
    Hael: "I'll try to intimidate him." *rolls a 1*
    DM: "The bartender thinks you're cute."
    I would have so many NPC friends if it worked this way in any of my games. :3

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTeaMustFlow View Post
    'You have to remember they're all one irregular verb: I optimise, you're a powergamer, he's a goddamn cheating munchkin'
    LOL, that's a good one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Genth View Post
    Player: I place the writer's manuscript between two slices of bread and start eating it
    How did it taste? Dry?


    Beryl: “What's the names of Frostbite's parents?”
    Frostbite: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    DM: “Heck, I'm the DM and I haven't asked that one yet.”

    DM: “Ah okay, so basically the spell functions like half the wardrobe in my wife's closet.”

    Spirit: “She didn't realize how bats track their prey, for example.”
    DM: “Can't blame her. Spiders don't have ears.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    DM: “Ah okay, so basically the spell functions like half the wardrobe in my wife's closet.”
    I am confused... for instance, why only half?

  10. - Top - End - #40
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Lord Torath's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I am confused... for instance, why only half?
    Because only half the clothes are Tres Chic or Pure Sexy or Plain But Comfortable or whatever quality matches the spell.
    Warhammer 40,000 Campaign Skirmish Game: Warpstrike
    My Spelljammer stuff (including an orbit tracker), 2E AD&D spreadsheet, and Vault of the Drow maps are available in my Dropbox. Feel free to use or not use it as you see fit!
    Thri-Kreen Ranger/Psionicist by me, based off of Rich's A Monster for Every Season

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I am confused... for instance, why only half?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Torath View Post
    Because only half the clothes are Tres Chic or Pure Sexy or Plain But Comfortable or whatever quality matches the spell.
    The spell in question was "Charm Person", but the quality being discussed about the spell isn't the obvious one.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    I am still utterly confused.

  13. - Top - End - #43
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    The spell in question was "Charm Person", but the quality being discussed about the spell isn't the obvious one.
    Your wife's wardrobe sounds half-awesome, at least.
    Elxir Breauer, at your service...

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I am still utterly confused.
    Spoiler: The Dreaded Context!
    Show

    The comment made before the quote was "Spirit also has Charm Person, because Druid. Just doesn't have it prepped today because limited spell slots, and he finds Enchantment effects distasteful."

    When I said it functions like half of my wife's wardrobe in the closet, it was referencing the fact that my wife finds that half to be distasteful.

    Elxir_Breauer is essentially correct about the other half.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Er... what's her age?
    Old enough to be married, young enough to have a living uncle.
    My Homebrew (Free to use, don't even bother asking. PM me if you do, though; I'd love to hear stories).

    Avatar done by me (It's Durkon redrawn as Salvador from Borderlands 2).

    Nod, get treat.

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Troll in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post

    How did it taste? Dry?
    Stabby. The writer promptly stabbed the character with a butter knife

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Daemon

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Taren: I must say, I have never seen an elf of such grace and dignity before...
    Loren: Stop hitting on my Grandma!
    Ravemoira (NPC): Oh, I don't mind.


    Victor: We believe the goblins are organising-
    Ravemoira: Ahahahahahahaha! Ah... you humans and your odd senses of humor...


    Loren: Grandmother, you just disappeared without a word!
    Ravemiora: Oh, I'm sorry sweety, a sea wyrm was ravaging the western coast and me and your grandfather had to pop out to deal with it.

    Rulkrim: You barely know each other, why do you want to get married?
    NPC: Well, she's kind and beautiful... I was enchanted the moment I-
    Rulkrim: I cast detect magic!
    Dm: ... on the elven wizard?
    Rulkrim: Yes!

    Dm: Detrect magic only reveals the presence of magic, it's Identify that tells you what it does. And that's a minute long touch spell.
    Rulkrim: Hey elf, want a backrub?

    Rulkrim: I impress the crowd with my music prowress. (rolls nat 20)
    Dm: Dang. Well, since this is a side thing, you can narrate what happens.
    Rulkrim: I invent DwarfCore!

    Taren: What do you mean none of us knows how to speak gnoll?!
    l have a very specific preference when it comes to TTRPGs. If you have a different preference, that's fine, but I just want you to know you're having fun wrong.

  18. - Top - End - #48
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    GM: You're falling through a void. A dark, lifeless void. And yet you can see clearly. Reality is coming undone all around you. As you look around, you find your entire body elongating and bending at surreal angles. Your arms and legs are forming ninety-degree angles where there are no joints and--
    Ray: I can see my nose from here!
    ---

    Ray: *dancing wildly* Ha. Ha! HA! BWAHAHAHAHA! Eat it, reality! In your face, temporal physics! Choke on it, Quantum Mechanics! I take a nuclear paradox to the face and live. I am invincibleness!
    ---

    GM: After that little display, R is putting you in for an immediate psych evaluation.
    ---

    Lisa:
    That's a bittersweet ending if I've ever seen one.
    Ray: Yeah, I know. You're alive again. We saved the flumphs from annihilation, but we'll probably never see 3G again-- assuming that he even remembers us--
    Lisa: And you don't get XP for any of it.
    Ray: -- I don't?
    GM: You just rewrote history so that you never did any of those things. Since you didn't actually do it, you don't get any XP.
    Ray: But I remember doing all of it!
    Lisa: And I remember being dead. But I'm not.
    Ray: Yeah, but- buh- hu- gnerhk. *eye snaps*
    GM: I think we just broke him... Again.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Nesdu: Wait, I thought it was an intelligent item?
    DM:An 'intelligent' magic item is only one that's capable of thinking. It does not necessarily mean one capable of thinking particularly well.
    After casting detect thoughts on a sword to find that it apparently had the personality and mental capacity of Fighter from 8-bit theater.
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    5e game that's been going for awhile, just haven't been able to capture the quotes...until this happened.

    Spoiler: Context
    Show
    I misread Polymorph, so I was asking if I turned into a frost giant, would I get my weapons? After setting me straight...

    DM(OOC): Dude, when you can be a T-Rex, who wants to be a stupid storm giant?!... I mean, look up what that thing can do and tell me you don't want to take polymorph and use that EVERY encounter.
    Oh, there are some bandits in the forest? TREX!
    Oh, someone just stole my coin purse? TREX!
    Vivi, Level 8 Druid(Me, OOC): Oh, there's an intricate murder mystery to solve? You better know it's a T-REX!
    DM(OOC): Riddle in a dungeon? The answer is motherflipping TREX

    We've had some hilarious things happen - 11 people have been involved, although there's only 4 regulars (had a new one join tonight) and the DM usually. Everything from characters committing suicide to save their fellows to awkward moments fondling harpies to genuinely considering murdering ten-year-old kings, it's been a blast, and I can hardly wait for the next session.
    Cookie Count: One

    Quote Originally Posted by digiman619 View Post
    Spoiler: True Facts
    Show

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Beryl: “Oh if we're talking about crapshoots, what about me being told to 'continue the fight against the darkness' by going to the Dusk Temple in Arendale? I wish that was a little clearer. Will it help against the brotherhood? Is the 'the darkness' something else? Do I get a fancy 'I am Heliodor!' button or something?”

    DM: “Anyone else find it ironic that [Coca-Cola Life] instilled a death-like state in our Baker-Paladin?”

    DM: “Welp, coming home today the car thermostat said it was 101F outside. I had the A/C on the lowest setting because the heat felt good. Feeling good at face-melting temperatures means either I'm part red dragon or something's wrong with me. Checked my body temp and yup... fever has returned for round 3. Sigh.”
    Beryl: “The impossible theory that we're infecting each other through forum posts is looking worryingly plausible all of a sudden.”

    Spirit: “How long am I allowed to haunt them, and how many disappearances am I allowed to cause? Instilling mortal terror is a Druidic specialty.”

    Flare Star: “So... these wounds were done to you by an opposing pegasus swordsman?”
    Epee Silverhilt: “Earth pony actually.”
    Flare: “But... you can fly. Did this earth pony have some method of flight as well?”
    Epee: “Nope, just had this really good opening move that starts with a rock...”

    Ace: “Ivy, are you pondering, what I'm pondering?”
    Ivy: “Crystal Orb and Chill?”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    digiman619's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Flare Star: “So... these wounds were done to you by an opposing pegasus swordsman?”
    Epee Silverhilt: “Earth pony actually.”
    Flare: “But... you can fly. Did this earth pony have some method of flight as well?”
    Epee: “Nope, just had this really good opening move that starts with a rock...”
    I wish I knew how to link the video directly...
    Quote Originally Posted by digiman619 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Cosi View Post
    In general, this is favorable to the casters.
    3.5 in a nutshell, ladies and gents.
    Avatar by Coronalwave

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Taet's Avatar

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    Sacramento-ish, CA

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    P3: Uh-oh. I shoot my own sniper in the back! He must have had very good camouflage.

    P2: Well, that confirms it. You are literally playing Commander Badass when he tells the free-range fire "no." and it refuses to burn him.

    Quote Originally Posted by Necroticplague View Post
    Nesdu: We need to hold them off! Think about steak really hard while I cast!
    *begins playing final countdown on a kazoo*
    I have found a RL gaming group but I'm willing to meet other GitP people nearby.
    Please send a PM or an email! _______ Tea served in a student cafe in Seattle

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Just outside Reality

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    I sat in on a friend's Exalted game today, so here are a few quotes from that.

    "So basically all I have to do is stand on a ship and say 'mine now,' and then that ship is mine, and anybody I haven't formally welcomed onto the ship is worse at everything they do while on the ship? Forever? Even if I'm not on the ship? Even if I haven't been on the ship in years? Even if I completely forgot that the ship even existed?"
    "Yes."

    "Today was a pretty good day. I met some new people, and most of them didn't try to kill me. Wait, no. Most of them actually did try to kill me. Still, some of them didn't try to kill me."

    "The spunky seaman"

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    P3: "Slapping someone in a coma doesn't get them out of that coma."
    P1: "But you're not in a coma."
    P3: "I am in a coma."

    P5: "Spoiler alert: you might not be able to heal me once I drop out of rage."
    P1: "I'll reincarnate you later."
    GM: "Spin, spin, spin the wheel!"

    P1: "Can I see the book real quick, now that I'm dead?"

    P1: "The bookkeeping [of Path of War classes] is a pain."
    P4: "No, it's not!"
    P1: "A wizard is simpler."
    Last edited by bulbaquil; 2016-06-25 at 07:55 PM.
    Planck length = 1.524e+0 m, Planck time = 6.000e+0 s. Mass quantum ~ 9.072e-3 kg because "50 coins weigh a pound" is the smallest weight mentioned. And light has five quantum states.

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    DM: “Anyone else find it ironic that [Coca-Cola Life] instilled a death-like state in our Baker-Paladin?”

    DM: “Welp, coming home today the car thermostat said it was 101F outside. I had the A/C on the lowest setting because the heat felt good. Feeling good at face-melting temperatures means either I'm part red dragon or something's wrong with me. Checked my body temp and yup... fever has returned for round 3. Sigh.”
    Beryl: “The impossible theory that we're infecting each other through forum posts is looking worryingly plausible all of a sudden.”
    I was kind of hoping that these wouldn't have ended up in this thread. Those are about IRL, not the game... But since they're here and I quoted them, they can stay.

    I'm just gonna say stevia allergy is really awful. Especially if you don't know it and drink the stuff for several months in a row. If you have pollen allergies, be very careful about stevia. And since there is a lot of that in Coca Cola Life, think twice before choosing the green Coke.

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    Captured hobgoblin guard: "I'll never talk!"
    Terra: "Oh yes you will!"
    Hobgoblin: "Make Me!"
    Terra: "If you insist." I grab his jewels and twist.
    Everyone else:
    Terra: "Talk, or I'll pluck 'em like an orange."
    Everyone else, simultaneously: "An ORANGE?"
    Hobgoblin: "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!"
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

    Spoiler: Visit me
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    Spoiler: Old Projects
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    Project Loreshift, game development in Progress

    Races of Wake

    Wake Human subspecies


    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Toric's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    From my real-life 5E campaign.

    Spoiler: The Cast
    Show
    Vincent, gearhead Sorcerer.

    Faye, semi-noble elf(?) Wizard.

    Benihime, vagrant Monk.


    Faye's player: We have her dead babies. We could start throwing dead babies and hope she goes after them.
    Vincent's player (Me): Pity Mage Hand has such a low weight allowance, we could make magic dead gator baby marionettes. -Some discussion later- Even so, I'm all for baby grenades.
    Faye's player, after more discussion: Now then, do these dead babies float. That's what I want to find out.

    Faye's player: Good. This will work swimmingly.
    Vincent's player: WRONG ADVERB

    Faye's player: You will be missed, Mini-Cube.

    Faye's player: Remember, the command phrase is "Smile, you son of a ****!'l"

    Vincent: "What is it with Faye and creating hellish vehicles of brimstone!?"

    Benihime: "Look, idiot! The wheel is the baby gators!"

    Ship furnace: "Mother, I am so cold. Mother, make me warm. Please mother, it is so cold."
    Last edited by Toric; 2016-06-26 at 07:25 PM.
    Avatar gladly adopted from Ink!

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    ElfRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    (My shadow dancer, Lily, is trapped in a pocket dimension with 10 angry pirates and no backup)
    Pirates: Surrender your weapons or we will kill you!
    Lily: You can try
    (5 combat rounds later, I am down 7 hp, one potion of spider climb, and have stolen the artifact the pirates were using to get in and out of the pocket dimension. One pirate is dead, another mortally wounded, and the other 8 are trapped in the pocket dimension without the artifact)
    Me, over the table: Damn, that was some Black Widow **** right there!
    Go not to the Dragons for counsel, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Troll in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

    GM: Scotland is not a bag of holding!

    PlayerA: Oh no we left NoKnees in the car!
    PlayerB: are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    PlayerA: We are not throwing NoKnees into Scotland
    Last edited by Genth; 2016-06-27 at 04:36 AM.

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