Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[ElFi]

The entire exchange between Patrick and Dr. Lao, honestly, but especially these two sections:

Dr. Lao: Senator put on your file that you have "violent tendencies". Mr. Esposito, tell me, do you enjoy violence?
Patrick: Well, um... I'm not exactly a fan of the bad guys, y'know, surviving.

Patrick: Would you be willing to talk further over dinner?
Dr. Lao: Patrick, I'll have you know that I'm married.
Patrick: Well...
Dr. Lao: Happily married.
Patrick: ...I see.

#

GM: The fact that I have you guys deliberating for so long over whether or not to open a door shows that I've done my job as a GM.

#

GM: Wait, so did Aidan just take off his towel?
Aidan (OOC): Yep. Should I make a roll to determine how... attractive he is, below the waist?
GM: Sure?
Aidan (OOC): *rolls relatively well*
Troy (OOC): Aw, geez, man!
GM: Alright, so Troy's trying his hardest to look away, while Nick's just staring at it and thinking "daaaaaang".

[ZeroGear]

Crazed Alchemist: "Eat lemons, sourpuss!"
Vick: "He's throwing lemons at us?"
Lance: "Seems kinda weak to me."
DM: As you say that, one of the lemons hits a barrel a few feet away...then explodes."
Samson: "...he's got EXPLODING lemons?"
Xaltaer: "What kind of madman are we dealing with?"


Barron Valim: "Hello my friends! So glad you answered my summons. Come, we have much to discuss."
Lance: "How much are you guys willing to bet he's going to stab us in the back when we're done?"

*Later*

Newly crowned King Valim: "Ah, my friends, how are you all?"
Samson: "Kinda stuck actually. Think you could throw us a rope so we can get out of this dungeon?"
Valim: "Yeah, about that: now that I'm king, I have control over all of the army. Thus, I now have trained warriors to do all of my tasks for me. So, I don't really need you guys anymore."
Lance: "I CALLED IT!"
Vick: "So this is the part where he kills us?"
Valim: "And this is the part where I kill you." *Pulls lever*
DM: You all hear the grinding of gears as part of the wall above you starts sliding up.
Valim: "Though, as a reward for helping me, I'll let you in on a secret: you might be able to survive if you run fast enough."
DM: Now you all hear a rumbling sound akin to something large rolling down a hill. Also, it's getting louder.
Lance: *to DM* I really hate you right now.

[Fable Wright]

Just when I thought drug addlement was a requirement for shamanism..

It's a shortcut. Much more common in post-apocalyptia given how hard it is to string together years of mental discipline when it's a challenge to eat another day, but it does not end in a happy path. This is a big part of the reason shamans are rare in the Fallout Equestria universe, despite the advantages that visions and spirit binding offer. Disclaimer: Headcanon. Logical and based in reality, but still headcanon.

The things you learn in FZS-463...

[TurboGhast]

Spoiler: Character Information

Show

Lia: Elven Neutral Evil Sorcerer
Hemer: Human Lawful Evil Necromancer Wizard
(Not stating game system)

DM: This would have happened even if you had killed the shopkeeper.
Lia, to Hemer: Why didn't you let me kill him?
Hemer: Killing him was an unnecessary risk!

Lia: I forgot I had a snake familiar.
Hemer: This is why Blackwing fades in and out of existence.
DM: Your snake familiar appears right next to you.

Hemer: I read the letter to my familiar, who is on my shoulder.
DM: *Adds a line to the top of the H that denotes Hemer's position on the map.* Your familiar is on the map now.

Threatening letter: The King has been notified of your treachery, and about that doctor you're working for.
Hemer: I think it's time for a checkup.

Hemer: I an the ultimate tank: I tank, and then I can summon things to tank for me.

[Telonius]

Mark E Moo (crazy Monk): (makes an awful performance of hand-puppet singing)
Mysterious Voice from the Darkness: That was terrible!
Cassandra (Cleric of Olidammara): Would you prefer a better performance?

DM: I really thought you guys were going to attack the werewolf.
Cassandra: It's good to make friends!

[DigoDragon]

Strata: “The appeal of being in forbidden cults never really caught on in this country; the only real cults of Nightmare Moon that ever existed were restricted to bat ponies.”
Viridia: “Do you know whether those cults had any symbols of rank, like, say, ugliness? Because I met this one Priestess of Nightmare Moon who was really ugly. Like...haunting. She looked like an avocado that had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado. Not gently. Like, it was hateful. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis they could find without violence.”

Viridia: “You don't see a band of Earth Ponies strutting around in charge because they can lift up a piano.”
Strata: “I would have thought that would be a very useful skill, up there.”

Viridia: “But, it's like, unicorn magic is really sweet. They can shoot fire out of their faces, move things without touching them, make force fields, and stuff. And all Pegasi get is flying, which Unicorns can copy so what even, and making wind go faster. And Earth Ponies don't even get that! Their magic is believing in themselves or whatever.”

Strata: “Now see, that's stupid, because that's earth pony magic. Earth ponies have the strongest constitutions on the planet, and have a natural knack at working with most material objects. They live the longest, too.”
Doc: “I wouldn't consider having a strong constitution magical. More just evolution cause we can't fly out of danger or conjure up a magical shield. We just kind of... well, take it.”

[goto124]

Viridia: “But, it's like, unicorn magic is really sweet. They can shoot fire out of their faces, move things without touching them, make force fields, and stuff. And all Pegasi get is flying, which Unicorns can copy so what even, and making wind go faster. And Earth Ponies don't even get that! Their magic is believing in themselves or whatever.”

I've always wondered about Earth Pony magic. At least pegasi can do weather magic, solidify clouds and make lightning balls and such. Earth ponies get... wot?

[Asmodean_]

I've always wondered about Earth Pony magic. At least pegasi can do weather magic, solidify clouds and make lightning balls and such. Earth ponies get... wot?

They can turn earth solid....... Waaaaaaiiiit...

[DigoDragon]

I've always wondered about Earth Pony magic. At least pegasi can do weather magic, solidify clouds and make lightning balls and such. Earth ponies get... wot?

They can turn earth solid....... Waaaaaaiiiit...

LOL! Strata says earth pony "magic" is having strong constitutions, but Doc argues that it's less magical and more mundane hardiness.

The part about being able to work with any material might be true-- The game rules say that earth ponies can sub their special talent for any skill check in designing/building something if the object being made is related to their talent. In Doc's case, any kind of medical-related device. So maybe that's the magic (nothing spectacular like flying or spellcasting, but if we get some downtime and materials together)...

[Inevitability]

Viridia: “Do you know whether those cults had any symbols of rank, like, say, ugliness? Because I met this one Priestess of Nightmare Moon who was really ugly. Like...haunting. She looked like an avocado that had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado. Not gently. Like, it was hateful. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis they could find without violence.”

Deadpony?

Dammit, now I want a picture of that.

[ZeroGear]

Viridia: “Do you know whether those cults had any symbols of rank, like, say, ugliness? Because I met this one Priestess of Nightmare Moon who was really ugly. Like...haunting. She looked like an avocado that had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado. Not gently. Like, it was hateful. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis they could find without violence.”

Happy Women's Appreciation Day Viridia.

[TurboGhast]

Varis: I notify the King that the mission I went on ended in the city I was in going crazy, and that on the way back I found a legendary army that I'm going to need help taking on.

(Slightly paraphrased due to inexact memory.)

[USS Sorceror]

GM: Upon closer inspection, what you thought were cobblestones are actually body parts.
Bard: Now how did we confuse those two?

GM: This thing has the same AC as the floor.

GM: So what are you doing?
Fighter: -sings- I've got to break free-ee!

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Dammit, now I want a picture of that.

Of Deadpony or the avocados? O.o

Cassandra (Cleric of Olidammara): Would you prefer a better performance?

Uh, yes please?

Hemer: I an the ultimate tank: I tank, and then I can summon things to tank for me.

Yo dawg, I heard you like tanks...

Choro: “Wait... how do you not know what an alicorn is?! I... what?”
Viridia: “I kinda know. Super special ponies, like what would happen if you had an Earth Pony, a Unicorn, and a Pegasus, and they fused together to become some kind of Neighponi mecha-creation.”

Doc: “By the way, was Andante feeling alright when she gave you the sweater? When she went to get drunk?”
Viridia: “She was being a *itch. So, yeah, she was fine.”

GM: “[The creature] was a pony wearing a green nurse’s uniform that was splattered with reddish-brown stains; its face was almost entirely covered by a thick layer old bloody gauze that stopped only around the jaw. It held its head out lowly, and its back was arched in an angle that was almost certainly incredibly painful.”
Viridia: “Have you seen a little filly? Short, black mane. She just turned seven last month...”
Doc: “Like residency at Alchemilla all over again.”

GM: “The nurse didn't seem to notice Doc taking its weapon, content at eating out of Viridia's hooves.”
Viridia: “There y'go.” (*smiles at the gauze-covered ghoul*)
Doc: “Even death don't stop mares eating out of her hooves. Hey Fan Knife, can we keep her? She followed us home.”

Doc: “I’ll lock the weapon away in the office here.”
Strata: “Oh yeah, hide the big club in a place with zombies in it.”
Doc: *Glances at Strata’s single good eye and shrugs* “Well, you know, hindsight is twenty.”

[goto124]

Doc: “By the way, was Andante feeling alright when she gave you the sweater? When she went to get drunk?”
Viridia: “She was being a *itch. So, yeah, she was fine.”

Sweaters can give you quite an itch...

[Braininthejar2]

Marcus: Get out of here, you quack.

Doctor: You can't fire me. I'm a co-owner of the hospital.

Marcus: (pulls a bag of gold out of the bag of holding). Here is your share. Now, get the F*&^ out.

[OctoberRaven]

Eww. At least cook it first. O.o

I doubt anyone with the [something] to eat hearts cares about cooking them first

Context

Spoiler

Show

Basically, demons wanted the heart to put an angel back together to sacrifice it to bring apart the end of the world and were only missing the angel's heart. The group walked into what they realized as a trap, so their plan went from "secure the heart on route to bringing back the angel to put on our side" to "crap, we need to destroy this heart". The heart also had healing abilities, so the group reasoned that ingesting it might actually restore the character's sanity (nWoD 2.0 Hunter with homebrew angels; character in question was Integrity 1 and actually suspended from TF:V because of it). It actually worked, too!

So yeah, probably the only time a PC ate an angel's heart raw in a non-evil campaign.

[comk59]

First superhero campaign, and it was... interesting.

Dm: But, suddenly the Frankenführer crashes through the wall, wielding a tank as a club!

Obsidian: Actually, my superhero name is going to be glass house!

Red Menace: Damn you grappling hook!

Glass House: I throw him off the roof! Armor protects against gravity, right?

Spook: Yes, I have a power that makes me batman.

Glass House: Actually, my name is going to be Black Glass!

Red Menace: For the last time, I am not a communist!

Black Glass: Thankfully I'm fireproof.
Dm: The people you're carrying aren't.

Black Glass: You know what? My superhero name is Black Mirror.

Red Menace: Driving a car and a helicopter is practically the same thing, right?

Black Mirror: What do you mean plasma isn't fire?!

Dm: As the smoke clears, you see a glowing ring-
Red Menace: That (please do not swear) Winter Soldiered us!

[digiman619]

Crazed Alchemist: "Eat lemons, sourpuss!"
Vick: "He's throwing lemons at us?"
Lance: "Seems kinda weak to me."
DM: As you say that, one of the lemons hits a barrel a few feet away...then explodes."
Samson: "...he's got EXPLODING lemons?"
Xaltaer: "What kind of madman are we dealing with?"

He runs a lab that started as bathroom fixtures company, and had some trouble with moon dust...

[Necroticplague]

"Mad science isn't easy work. Mad science on a budget is even more so. Just to start, pick two of safe, ethical, or fast. Then hope to live with the results later."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

Marcus: (pulls a bag of gold out of the bag of holding). Here is your share. Now, get the F*&^ out.

Huh, well never let it be said that Marcus isn't at least fair. Unless this is a modern day campaign, which might make flags happen if the doctor attempts to cash out a bag of gold. :3

Black Glass: Thankfully I'm fireproof.
Dm: The people you're carrying aren't.

Whoops. XD

"Mad science isn't easy work. Mad science on a budget is even more so. Just to start, pick two of safe, ethical, or fast. Then hope to live with the results later."

Hee hee, that's a good one.

Viridia: “Surprised that Strata and Doc aren't getting along. Has this happened before?”
GM: “Strata started being awful to him first, if it means anything. There's a half-decent reason for it, as well (the other half is pettiness).”
Viridia: “Is the good reason the fact that he's not a gorgeous blonde?”

Strata: “Where's the short pegasus?”
Viridia: “She's padfooting about. And her name is Moonshadow. Likes to be called Moonylicious, though.”

Strata: “With magic, if you have a square peg and a round hole, you just have to keep slamming the peg into the hole until it fits. That's just the magical process.”

Strata: “Let's keep on trucking so we can track down those guys you're here to murder.”
Viridia: “We literally just gave food to Nurse Warhammer so we didn't have to kill her. If we were murderers, we'd be the worst murderers ever.”
Strata: “I'm not talking about the dead ponies who are still dead, I'm talking about the living ponies who need to be ‘removed’ from the premises. I thought that was doublespeak for skull-capping them.”
Doc: “If murder was the double-speak meaning of removing folks from the basement, you wouldn't be standing here complaining about it.”
Strata: “Yeash, way to make murder not a cheerful group activity.”

GM: “If Stitchheart could use Fan Knife's rampant hatred of everything around her to power something, she probably would have done so already.”

[goto124]

Viridia: “Is the good reason the fact that he's not a gorgeous blonde?”

One of my PCs was a gorgeous blond. He was mistaken for a lady by a different PC, who fell in love with him. And then he BECAME a lady... it was kind of weird.

Viridia: “Likes to be called Moonylicious, though.”

I checked, the word "Moonylicious" didn't even appear until the above happened

Also, you missed this bit (if I'm not wrong, higher numbers are worse?):

Viridia:

Spoiler: Speech

Show

I WILL MAKE HER BELIEVE IT.

(1d100)[92] vs 5000

DM: Strata looked like she believed it. Actually, she didn't seem especially surprised.

Viridia: “Nurse Warhammer

Who, who? *looks around*

GM: “If Stitchheart could use Fan Knife's rampant hatred of everything around her to power something, she probably would have done so already.”

There's an SMBC comic about this, if only I could find it...

[DigoDragon]

One of my PCs was a gorgeous blond. He was mistaken for a lady by a different PC, who fell in love with him. And then he BECAME a lady... it was kind of weird.

Seemed like an entertaining kind of weird at least.

Who, who? *looks around*

The ghoul nurse with the head bandages and that large rebar club.

[goto124]

Seemed like an entertaining kind of weird at least.

Oh yes it was, especially when another lady joined the weirdness and suddenly there were three people involved in a thing, if you know what I mean...

The ghoul nurse with the head bandages and that large rebar club.

What's a rebar club? *googles* It's literally a brick of concrete atop a bunch of pipes. Still, glad it exists only in Fallout (as opposed to real life ).

Strata: “With magic, if you have a square peg and a round hole, you just have to keep slamming the peg into the hole until it fits. That's just the magical process.”

Sounds really painful...

[Inevitability]

Dm: But, suddenly the Frankenführer crashes through the wall, wielding a tank as a club!

I'm not entirely sure if context would make this any less weird.

[ZeroGear]

Strata: “With magic, if you have a square peg and a round hole, you just have to keep slamming the peg into the hole until it fits. That's just the magical process.”

No wonder love produces such a high amount of magic. And that also explains why changelings enjoy feeding off it so much.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Edward: We are now armed to the teeth with champagne.

GM: You notice a girl looking out of the window in the next carriage.
Falmeer: It's your time to be gallant and rescue the damsel, Scamp!
Scamp: Ugh, girls!

Edward: We're right back where we started. We're making progress!

GM: You're eating the Human League's food?
Dante: It's strategy. We're weakening them.

GM: You are now carrying yourself.

GM: The good news is your attack kills him.
John: Awesome!
GM: The bad news is, your knife strikes metal. Specifically the part being used to generate electricty. Take 3d10 damage.

Emily: You're not stealing my clothes, are you?
Falmeer: We're... checking them for booby traps?

Dante: I want to punch the 14 year old girl in the face. Is that okay?

John: *Attempts to punch the 14 year old girl*
Dante: Awww, but I wanted to do that!

Dante: *Attempts to punch the 14 year old girl*
Dante: *Misses*

GM: You are basically getting your butts kicked by Hermione Granger.

Edward: Are there any soldiers left?
GM: Two of them you threw off a moving train, one you incinerated, and the other is dead with his guts all over the floor.
Edward: We're not good at this whole 'hero' thing, are we?

John: I'll go invisible!
Edward: Finally! The one time this would actually help us!

Edward: Can I use my powers to stop him?
GM: Yes...
Edward: Okay! *picks up dice*
GM: But you are rolling 3 fewer dice...
Edward: Okay.
GM: And the remaining die is a 1.
Edward: ...Oh.

John: I could use my tommy gun on her?
Josephine: Remember the part where we're trying not to kill her?
John: Oh... really?

Alice: Sister?
Josephine: I'm sorry about this. *punches Alice's head clean off*

[Taet]

P2: Thanks, but I don't drink.
P3: Guess who I'm playing!
P2: I need to be drunk for this.

P4: And who are you playing?!
P2: If I'm about to get reamed, and from everything I've read, I am, I'm at least going to enjoy myself.


P3: He tells the fire "no" and it refuses to burn him.
P2: You're playing Commander Badass!

Not part of the game: Who's she playing this time?
P4: Fabio.
P3:

P3: He tells the bullet "no" and it stops in midair.

P2: My poor chihuahua is shaking in terror at the big scary man who just took his shirt off.

Doc: “I’ll lock the weapon away in the office here.”
Strata: “Oh yeah, hide the big club in a place with zombies in it.”
Doc: *Glances at Strata’s single good eye and shrugs* “Well, you know, hindsight is twenty.”

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Oh yes it was, especially when another lady joined the weirdness and suddenly there were three people involved in a thing, if you know what I mean...

Oh myyyyy! [/Takei]
I don't think the shenanigans in my old local group got that complicated.

That reminds me...

O.o

I'm not entirely sure if context would make this any less weird.

You know, I don't think it would either. It might be best left unsaid. I don't want the magic spoiled. :3

No wonder love produces such a high amount of magic. And that also explains why changelings enjoy feeding off it so much.

Heh, heh. I sometimes wonder if that one changeling the party met is going to show up again. He almost attempted to ship two PCs together.

Edward: We are now armed to the teeth with champagne.

This sounds like a line *I* would say.

GM: You are basically getting your butts kicked by Hermione Granger.

Well, there are much more embarrassing people to get your butt kicked by. Hermione is at least a mild challenge if you don't have magical defenses.

P2: My poor chihuahua is shaking in terror at the big scary man who just took his shirt off.

Well that doesn't say much. Most chihuahuas shake in in their natural rest state. :3

GM: “Given that Manehatten does have a decent sized population of feral ghouls, I'm actually surprised that Doc hasn't commented more on that fact.”
Doc: “If they're so common, maybe Doc's gotten used to it.”
Doc: “Ferals in the basement? Is it Tuesday already?”

GM: “Rolling for Moonshadow's possible damage, so that Moonshadow can get this sad part of her adventuring career over more quickly.”

GM: “I've always assumed that Viridia would sound like someone vaguely from Chicago; it's the 'normal, but possibly slightly sleazy' aspect to it.”
Viridia: “Hey! Viridia's not normal!”

Doc: “Poor Supply Route.”
GM: “She's in a better place now. She might get a train dropped on her in about thirty years, but otherwise she's in a better place.”

Moon: “On that note; why don't we just knock on the door?”
Doc: “Knocking on the door couldn't hurt. Safer than all of us barging in at once.”
Strata: “Honestly, you two are being more polite then most of the ponies I knew back before society collapsed.”
Doc: “I get that a lot.”

Viridia: (*knock knock*) “Fillyscout cookies!”
Zebra Mare: “What is a filly scout? What is the meaning of this? Why are cookies being offered to us? Is this a tribute or a bribe?”
Viridia: “Okay, I'll level with you - we don't actually have any cookies. I'm Viridia Dawn, this is Doc, Moonyshadow, Choro, and Strata.” (Leans in and whispered conspiratorially) “She's new.”

[Cristo Meyers]

Viridia: (*knock knock*) “Fillyscout cookies!”
Zebra Mare: “What is a filly scout? What is the meaning of this? Why are cookies being offered to us? Is this a tribute or a bribe?”
Viridia: “Okay, I'll level with you - we don't actually have any cookies. I'm Viridia Dawn, this is Doc, Moonyshadow, Choro, and Strata.” (Leans in and whispered conspiratorially) “She's new.”

Maybe it's just that I finished the 2009 Ghostbusters game yesterday, but every time I read this I hear Viridia's lines voiced by Peter Venkman...