Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[goto124]

I don't think the shenanigans in my old local group got that complicated.

Since two of the PCs were played by me alone, it wasn't nearly as complex as it seems

GM: “Rolling for Moonshadow's possible damage, so that Moonshadow can get this sad part of her adventuring career over more quickly.”

Don't PbP GMs roll for the players, to hasten the already slow pace of PbP?

Doc: “Poor Supply Route.”
GM: “She's in a better place now. She might get a train dropped on her in about thirty years, but otherwise she's in a better place.”

Should I ask for context, or bathe in smoothing mystery? Choices, choices...

Strata: “Honestly, you two are being more polite then most of the ponies I knew back before society collapsed.”
Doc: “I get that a lot.”

BEFORE the apocalypse? Really? How bad was society BEFORE the big event?

[DigoDragon]

Since two of the PCs were played by me alone, it wasn't nearly as complex as it seems

I see, like the wizard of Oz, there's a trick behind the curtain. :3

Don't PbP GMs roll for the players, to hasten the already slow pace of PbP?

Sometimes, though also takes into consideration what the roll is for.
For example, one GM will roll our saving throws whenever a villain casts a spell on us, so the effects can be immediately applied instead of waiting for us to roll the save, and then determining if it succeeded or not. At the same time, we are allowed to roll saves for targets of our own magic.

Should I ask for context, or bathe in smoothing mystery? Choices, choices...

Spoiler: In case you choose "poorly"...

Show

Our Fallout game takes place 30 years before the events of Lil' Pip in the FO:E fanfic. Supply route was taken by the Unity project and dissolved to become part of the alicorn mutants there.

In the Fallout fanfic, there's a fight where Lil' Pip drops a train car on one of the alicorn mutants. So the joke is that the mutant could have been part Supply Route.

BEFORE the apocalypse? Really? How bad was society BEFORE the big event?

According to some of the journals and terminal entries we've found, society in this area was sliding into becoming a lot like the biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Mass corruption, crime, racism, etc.

[ZeroGear]

Spoiler: In case you choose "poorly"...

Show

Our Fallout game takes place 30 years before the events of Lil' Pip in the FO:E fanfic. Supply route was taken by the Unity project and dissolved to become part of the alicorn mutants there.

In the Fallout fanfic, there's a fight where Lil' Pip drops a train car on one of the alicorn mutants. So the joke is that the mutant could have been part Supply Route.

Doc, did you start reading FA:E just to find out what it means to be a toaster repair pony?
(Did you get to that part yet?)

[Beacon of Chaos]

Well, there are much more embarrassing people to get your butt kicked by. Hermione is at least a mild challenge if you don't have magical defenses.

Well Hermione got pretty badass, but in this case the GM seemed to be refering to 1st year Hermione, and we did have magic defences of sorts. HIDDEN CONTEXT! Also she'd just been injected with some kinda power-boosting serum, which made the pink sparkles from her wand hit a lot harder.

[Gideon Falcon]

I may have already posted this in a previous thread, but it was recently brought to mind:

Dwarf Cleric: Alright, I'll roll Knowledge: Religion to see if I know what that thing is!
*natural 1*
Cleric: ... I think it's PELOR!

(Also spoken frequently by all players):
"Okay, I'll roll a spot check." *natural one* "I'M BLIND!"

[Vihlrune]

Troy (OOC): You could teleport in and hide in the shadows.
Aidan (OOC): But what if there's an ambush?
Troy (OOC): That's why you're going in.
Aidan (OOC): Wait, what if we-
Nick (OOC): Alright, that's it.
*Nick kicks down the door after fifteen minutes of 'planning'*

GM: Doormouse runs past you.
Aidan (OOC): I turn around and start walking after her.
GM: She runs past you again.
{beat}
Aidan (OOC): I turn around and start walking after her.

Spoiler: Context

Show

Doormouse had critically injured Aidan when he first found her; these are his attempts to chase after her to get sweet revenge while mostly missing one of his shoulders.

Troy (OOC): Alright, I fly forward.
GM: You slam into a solid wall of fog.

Julie: Step out of line like this one more time, and you'll be facing arrest and a possible life sentence.
Aidan: Look she was pushing my buttons in all the wrong ways!

[JohnZ1t0]

Troy: I punch a hole through the warehouse wall.
Espo: I tell my plant minions to melt a hole in the wall next to the hole Troy punched.
Espo (OOC): That was a joke, I don't do that.
GM: Too late, Espo tells his plimions to melt a hole in the wall.

GM: Alright, after Doormouse brutally rips apart Aidan's chest, she dashes down the brothel hallway and claws her way into the room where Espo and Fiona are going at it.
Espo (OOC): I see the rat thing break the door down and quickly tell my plant-wife to get up.
GM: No no, you have to make a notice check, he seems very consumed in his current action...

Espo: I make a plant wall, for defense.

Espo: Let me in the contamination zone, I want to heal the people with Fiona's helaing juice.
Prospero: Furry, leave them alone...
Espo: Shut up wizard.

Security Guard: Please leave immediately, you have caused enough trouble.
Everyone: *Looks at Aidan for almost killing our interrogation suspect, Duchess.*
Espo: Give me one last shot, I can get her to speak.
Troy: *Sigh* Fine
Security Guard: ...You may enter...
Espo: *Enters prison cell where Duchess is.* *Brings in his plant wife Fiona* *Seductivly walks into room, and removes clothing, while getting ready to begin doing it with Fiona.* *Summons plant minions to join in, and hold Duchess down to watch..* *Makes a plant wall to block door*
Espo (OOC): ...She screams and she says make it stop, make it stop, while revealing all the information...
GM: Actually she has the fearless feat so she responds, "If I had a dime for everytime I saw this..."

*After a failed interrogation attempt, everyone is walking out of the Prison*
Troy: *Punches Aidan for almost killing Duchess and getting the team arrested.*
Aidan: *Punches Back*
*Fight Ensues*
Nick: ...*Takes out popcorn and watches*
Espo: I need backup! Shadow kid (Aidan) and Gravity guy (Troy) are fighting outside the prison, they ar---
Aidan: *Punches Espo* Sniches get Stiches..

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Doc, did you start reading FA:E just to find out what it means to be a toaster repair pony?
(Did you get to that part yet?)

I haven't read the fic, no. ^^;
So I'll probably not know what the actual context of being a toaster repair pony is.

(made up context on the other hand...)

HIDDEN CONTEXT! Also she'd just been injected with some kinda power-boosting serum, which made the pink sparkles from her wand hit a lot harder.

Wizard steroids just don't seem to have the same kind of connotation. XD

*natural 1*
Cleric: ... I think it's PELOR!

LOL!

Troy (OOC): Alright, I fly forward.
GM: You slam into a solid wall of fog.

Something something London weather joke something...

Aidan: *Punches Espo* Sniches get Stiches..

So violent. XD

Zebra Mare: “I am Caesennia Victricia Variala Vatia, of the Propoli tribe. I am a member of the Northern Zebra Legion, as is the rest of those who dwell here.”
Choro: (murmuring) “You have a lot of names.”
Viridia: “There used to be more names in general, before the war, but nowadays, with all the factories destroyed or inoperable, there are only so many names to go round. Most ponies have to make do with just two. Caesennia Victricia Variala Vatia has four names, which means she's earned her stripes and then some!”

Ceasennia: “The names of the children are Chain Checker and Floor Pump.”
Doc: “Chain Checker and Floor Pump? Yikes, they must have had loving (and completely drunk) parents.”
GM: “Well, more likely their parents were high, but the general effect is similar.”

Choro: “So, the ponies have zebra names, the two foal zebras have pony names, the zebra commander has four zebra names... and I think I now have a headache.”

Ceasennia: “I must profess that I am confused. I was briefed that the only pegusi in Equestria lived in the clouds.”
Moon: “There aren't any settlements down here, but there is the occasional pegasus born on the surface, or falls down here due to some bad choices.”
Doc: “Though for a time our group was all pegasi except for myself. Probably made someone in the Enclave wonder what the hell.”

[Aldarin]

Bard: Godammit. I'm done. I cast Charm person on the goat.
DM: The goat makes his Wisdom save.
Bard: &%¿# you.


You're ripped apart in an eldritch explosion as Erythnul decides to screw you over.


DM: What does your rogue like yo do?
Rogue: He likes killing people!
DM: Does he do any other things, like stealing?
Rogue: No, you sick bastard, that's wrong!


DM: The Lich mumbles a short incantation, and launches--
Sorcerer: Counterspell.
DM: Ok. The lich--
Sorcerer: Counterspell.
DM: *draws breath*
Sorcerer: Counterspell.

[digiman619]

DM: The Lich mumbles a short incantation, and launches--
Sorcerer: Counterspell.
DM: Ok. The lich--
Sorcerer: Counterspell.
DM: *draws breath*
Sorcerer: Counterspell.

I thought you were playing D & D, not Magic the Gathering circa 1999.

[Vihlrune]

Troy (OOC): Dude, we need to find that secretary and-
Patrick (OOC): Kill her.
Troy (OOC): -get those high heels.
{beat}
Troy (OOC): Wait, what?

Troy (OOC): Alright I use telekinesis to throw her into a wall
*Rave rolls toughness*
GM: Well, you just knocked out the mini boss in one hit.

[CrazyPenguin]

From an old campaign:
"You rolled so badly that your eyes roll back into your head for two rounds."

From a character creation session of a new campaign:
"You do realize I intended to run a heroic campaign?"
"Yes."
"And yet none of you made a Good character?"
"Yes."
"And all of you are either Chaotic, Evil, or Both?"
"Yes."
"Well then this should be fun."

And from a short D&D campaign I ran while camping:

DM: "The wizard spends the hour trying to reinsert his intestines, and oddly enough, succeeds."

Roy: (Wizard):"I cast Summon Weed."

Roy: "Is ten pounds enough force enough force to shove a fist up a human anus?
DM: "I don't know, why!?"
Roy: "No reason"

DM: "You're a dwarf. There is no way you're getting drunk on cheap human beer."

Richard "D*ck" Butt (Fighter): "If sex with three people is called a threesome, and sex with two people is called a twosome, I think I finally figured out why so many people call you handsome."

Roy: "It says my mage hand can lift up to ten pounds, so could I use it to snap a man's neck?"
DM: "No, mage hand explicitly can't be used to attack. Wait did you say ten pounds? Oh god. No. No."

DM: "Am I correct in assuming you are the last son of the noble House Butt?"

DM: "Here I am trying to be serious, and you named your character D*ck Butt."

Dereck Dadd (Rogue): "My criminal contact is called Convenient Plot Development."
DM: "That's canon now, just so you know."

Glow of the Mountain (Cleric): "I attack him."
Glow: *rolls cocked twice, then rolls a natural twenty*
DM: "So you hold your warhammer like a golf club, take two practice swings, and them smack him in the nuts."

DM: "Y'know, that boss fight would have been much harder had I rolled above a ten at any point."

DM: "Do you see this? This is a plot hook. Its my job to dangle it in front of you. Despite what the internet will tell you, it is not your job to then ignore it at all costs."

[Belac93]

DM: "And he leaps!"
Players: -Crying-

NPC: "That dog is actually the world eater!"

Warlock: "Alright, we need to find the magical lube."

[Bucky]

"The Gnomes used to have many mines. But now they have gnome ore."

[D.KnightSpider]

GM: Everyone takes 1d4 pun damage.
---

Ray: I dunno. The way I see it, if we take this mission, there's at least an 85% chance that Bond will try to bed Lisa. And I know that no one wants to go through that.
Lisa: Pffft. Considering that I'm metal from the sternum down, that's not biologically possible any more.
Gumdrop: Perhaps, then, you have less need of a medic and more need of a handyman with some ranks in Engineering?
---

Lisa: What can I say? They offered me the ability to perform castrations with one well-placed super-kick and like any good psychotic mass-murderer, I took it.
---

Matter-Horn: And what about moi? Is moi not good enough for this Bond's attention?
Ray: I was trying not to think about Bond chasing you, thank you very much.
---

Gumdrop: I confess to not understanding this conversation.
Ray: Consider yourself fortunate.
---

Ray: Well, that got awkward in a hurry.
---

Lisa: Sprocket, initiate War-On-Fun Mode.
Sprocket: War-On-Fun Mode activated.
Lisa: FYI, this van will now automatically taser anyone who makes a Back to the Future, Sly Cooper or A-Team reference. Unless your name is Ray, then your ejection seat goes off.
---

Matter-Horn: *freezes the road beneath a pursuing vehicle* Perhaps we should give them the slip! *ignites the tires on another pursuing vehicle* By burning rubber!
Gumdrop: As the team medic, I feel compelled to advise you that your puns are causing physical pain among my patients.
GM: Everyone, roll for pun damage.
Gumdrop: Quite literally.

[Rysto]

Irving: As he rushes forward, he shouts “INFLICT WOUNDS”, and performs the complicated somatic rituals involved, namely swinging his axe as hard as possible.
Chase (OOC): Truly Irving is capable of far more esoteric magicks than all the rest of the party put together.
Irving (OOC): Indeed. His spells are subtle and elegant.

[ZeroGear]

High Priest: "Take this." *hands group a white crystal bound in cloth*
Terra: "What is it?"
Priest: "Use this to cross the gap between the worlds..."
Lance: "And ingage in JOLLY CO-OPERRATION!"
Vick, Xaltaer, and Samson: "PRAISE THE SUN!"
DM: *headdesk*

[CrazyPenguin]

One last quote from the camp game that I forgot:

Party (chanting): Its not peer pressure, its just your turn!

[OctoberRaven]

(in Killer Instinct Announcer Voice) "Triple Execution Combo~!"

[DigoDragon]

Ceasennia: “You seem rather soft and you speak with the tone of a sage. However, you dress as if you are a jester.”
Viridia: “You're targeting her fashion sense?”
Choro: “That keeps on happening today, doesn't it? Equines down here. No respect. I dress myself in honour of Equestrian history. The old sages and scholars who inspired me in my studies: Mage Meadowbrook, Clover the Clever and others. Does that make sense?”
Ceasennia: “Your argument would have more strength if it were not for the lab coat.”
Choro: “Wizard robes aren't easy to make, ok?! I'm an engineer, a mage, a traveller. Not a tailor!”

Choro: “Seriously though, I'm down for whatever RP after this.”
Viridia: “I put on my robe and wizard hat...”
Choro: “...My brain. My poor brain.”

Doc: “Well if that don't beat all. Never heard a gun purr before.”

[ZeroGear]

Doc: “Well if that don't beat all. Never heard a gun purr before.”

why did this immediately come to mind?

[Inevitability]

GM: Everyone takes 1d4 pun damage.

This works so well with the post before yours.

[DigoDragon]

why did this immediately come to mind?

Um... does that even purr? ^^;
I was thinking of the Spore gun from Half-Life Opposing Force. One of the idle animations was it "purring".

This works so well with the post before yours.

Haha, I didn't notice that. Good catch!

[Beacon of Chaos]

This works so well with the post before yours.

Was gonna say that myself!

Edit: More quotes from the Buck: Legacy game

Knives: I almost let Knives take a tumble, but I figured no princess would go down to hentai.

(responding to unfortunate IRL circumstances)
Scarlet: I'm sorry to hear that.
Scarlet: And I'm sorry to hear that, too.
Yu: You sure you're not Canadian?
Scarlet: Yes, I'm sure.
Scarlet: Sorry about that.

Knives: Oh god. Now all I can hear is an angry Pinkie Pie going "it's party time, bub!"

Jackie: I'll save the grenade for the princess.

Nagapon Sorceror: If we are to desstroy the ssurface poniess, they will be a thorn in our ssidess-
Heartsbane: Will you please stop with the long, drawn-out esses? I know you're just doing it to sound more snake-like and it's annoying.
Nagapon Sorceror: Sorry.

Yu: Holy Rain, some stay dry and others feel the pain.
Holy Rain, fighting undead ponies is its game.

Yu: It might get a bit depressing if every monster we meet has a tragic backstory, as amusing as they are.

Scarlet: They may be magic proof, but I bet they're not blade proof! Sparky! With me!
Scarlet rushed ahead to meet the oncoming swarm. Then suddenly, she stoped and returned to the rest of the group.
Scarlet: Oh, by the way, I named the Phoenix Sparky.

Jackie: By the seven seas... Am I the only pony here that don't fancy herself wanting to be a princess?
Nick Nack: I was one in a past life.
Jackie: ...

Heal: But at least [Heal Turn] didn't have a reputation of wandering around in miniskirts to avoid keeping!

Heal: It's a powerful magical artifact! Not a Pretty Pretty Princess Crown!!

[digiman619]

Heal: It's a powerful magical artifact! Not a Pretty Pretty Princess Crown!!

Seriously! You see how it makes a full circle but doesn't cover the head? That makes it a Pretty Pretty Princess Coronet!

[DigoDragon]

Knives: I almost let Knives take a tumble, but I figured no princess would go down to hentai.

Knives hasn't watched enough hentai. ^^;


Viridia: “Oh wow Stitchheart, a stinky basement covered in crap. And I didn't get you anything.”

Choro: “What could go wrong?”
Doc: “You said that on purpose.”

GM: “A turret was placed in the middle of the hallway, on the ceiling; it was a crude thing that was bulky and obviously placed.”
Doc: “Well, that looks like it belongs.”

Doc: “Maybe time to move forward a tad, haven't heard anything yelling or going 'pew pew pew'.”

GM: “An earth pony infused with both pegasi and unicorn magic will either explode or turn into an abomination of nature (or an alicorn).”
Doc: “So… a 33% chance of winning the game?”

GM: “Crystal is the most powerful and useful substance in the world when one wishes to manipulate or contain magic.”
Doc: “Hey Doc, your fiancé is totally going to own the Crystal Empire. Sweet!”
GM: “Mirror Armor hitting the cutie mark lottery and managing to be rather mediocre in magic is likely a factor as to why she got sent off on a ship.”

[goto124]

GM: “An earth pony infused with both pegasi and unicorn magic will either explode or turn into an abomination of nature (aka an alicorn).”
Doc: “So… a 33% chance of winning the game?”

Misread the quote, and wondered "isn't that 50% chance?"

GM: “Crystal is the most powerful and useful substance in the world when one wishes to manipulate or contain magic.”
Doc: “Hey Doc, your fiancé is totally going to own the Crystal Empire. Sweet!”
GM: “Mirror Armor hitting the cutie mark lottery and managing to be rather mediocre in magic is likely a factor as to why she got sent off on a ship.”

101 Reasons Mirror and Doc Should Get Married ASAP...

[DigoDragon]

Misread the quote, and wondered "isn't that 50% chance?"

Even if it were, I don't trust myself in making the odds on a die roll. :3

101 Reasons Mirror and Doc Should Get Married ASAP...

I can only imagine the complexity of the quest to obtain a Viking wedding gown in the wasteland.
On the other hand, it would look crazy awesome if they pulled it off.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Seriously! You see how it makes a full circle but doesn't cover the head? That makes it a Pretty Pretty Princess Coronet!

Objection! It was actually a tiara.

[TurboGhast]

DM: The Chuul-
Veit: You just accidentally revealed that it's a Chuul.
DM: Whoops.
Veit: I'm still salty about accidentally revealing the salt mephit- Wait, I just accidentally revealed that creature was a mephit.
DM: *Breaks down laughing*