LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[JNAProductions]

I'm doing well, thanks for asking! I have settled in my new apartment, my boyfriend has gotten over his "disappointment" of us not living together right away. My dad doesn't give me a hard time about having a boyfriend, in fact doesn't speak of it at all, but hey one step at a time, right? How are you, JNA? Hope the world's treatin you right.

Well, went in to work yesterday, and it went fine. So I was nervous for nothing. That's good. So overall, life's not doing so bad for me.

[Astrella]

I haven't seen a photo of you in a while but I don't remember you looking even remotely manly a year or two ago. But I know it's a lot harder from inside one's own head than just by having somebody from the internet tell you that you look fine. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, doing a little bit better now. Anxiety and dysphoria just have been hitting me pretty hard so I've been quite frazzled. :s doesnt' help that I've read some terf stuff about body language and how kids can supposedly always "tell" which is now making me constantly second guess myself around kids at work. :s

[goto124]

If nothing else, you could say your 'pear' keeps flopping everywhere and getting stuck to your thighs, and you need something tight to hold them in place.

Best of luck!

@V: Much of my sexual orientation is theoretical and based on limited unscientific evidence when I surf the internet and stare at strangers at train stations!

[Asmodean_]

So how is everyone?

Unsure whether I'm hetero or bi, not willing to put in the effort to find out which, unsure how to feel about that attitude.

Edit: For clarity, it's because I'm lazy and have limited free time.

[Heliomance]

We're missing the rainbow tag on the thread! :(

[JNAProductions]

Unsure whether I'm hetero or bi, not willing to put in the effort to find out which, unsure how to feel about that attitude.

Edit: For clarity, it's because I'm lazy and have limited free time.

Meh. Does it matter that much? I mean, it's going to matter eventually (probably) but if you aren't sure right now, then you just aren't sure. Not a huge deal.

Regardless, whether you're straight, bi, or something else altogether, hope you're able to be happy.

[ArlEammon]

We're missing the rainbow tag on the thread! :(

I put it back.

[Asmodean_]

Meh. Does it matter that much? I mean, it's going to matter eventually (probably) but if you aren't sure right now, then you just aren't sure. Not a huge deal.

Regardless, whether you're straight, bi, or something else altogether, hope you're able to be happy.

Mostly it's when someone asks me something like "so are you... gay... or what?" and all I have to respond with is: "nah... at least i don't think so"

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

I'm not asexual per se, just *has better things to do with my time*.

[JNAProductions]

Mostly it's when someone asks me something like "so are you... gay... or what?" and all I have to respond with is: "nah... at least i don't think so"

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

I'm not asexual per se, just *has better things to do with my time*.

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.

[golentan]

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

[Jormengand]

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

Yeah, but that's pretty unlikely!

(To clarify, Asmodean is my friend and we make this kind of jab at each other all the time).

[JNAProductions]

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts, that's probably the case. :P

In which case, yet another appropriate response is "I dunno. I'm figuring it out." The truth is often a good approach.

[Coidzor]

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

Just remember not to go crazy from doing nothing but studying and working all the time. Burnout is very real.

[Grytorm]

True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts, that's probably the case. :P

Even me? I've always doubted if anyone has been interested in me.

[Asmodean_]

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.

Yeah but if I tell someone to mind their own business, they tend to think something along the lines of oh he's not answering the question therefore avoiding the question therefore ashamed of the answer and why would someone be ashamed of being heterosexual? therefore he's homosexual.

Yeah, but that's pretty unlikely!

Quiet, you.

True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts

I'm rather emphatically not.

Just remember not to go crazy from doing nothing but studying and working all the time. Burnout is very real.

I've experienced it a couple times, but after realizing that tests don't test how good you are at a subject, they test how good you are at school, it got much better.

[Grytorm]

Hello again, I have minor news to share, I might start exploring things a bit more I guess. Still nervous and I probably won't figure a lot out. But I accidentally removed the collar from one of my shirts, and I think it is kind of fetching. So I'm going to dress up when I can, maybe post a picture if I can find the camera. If only I can find a good time to wash my sports bra, haven't wanted to wear it for months.

[JusticeZero]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?
There's actually a method to this, but it's, uh, really convoluted. I'm going to attempt to be a girl for a bit and see if any of it sticks - it would be a lot easier to get people to accept - but I have all these suppression reflexes from several layers of socialization and closet and it makes me present in ways that I don't like. I miss out on conversations because every response emotional or otherwise gets reviewed for so long that I can no longer say or do it when it gets the stamp of approval.
I figure if I want to change that, I need to start on replacing the old habits, and I want to start with being more giggly instead of silent.

[Jormengand]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?

Try making a high-pitched "Huh?" sound with a mostly-closed mouth repeatedly and quickly. Also, try closing you mouth when you're laughing, and it should come out more giggly.

[NecroDancer]

I'm new to this thread but I just want to thank everyone here for supporting each other and being openminded. (Sorry if this sounds cliche, I'm running on 4 hours of sleep).

[GrayGriffin]

I just tried it, and for me it seems to be making a "hmhmhmhm" sound while keeping my mouth lightly shut (lips together, but not pushed together.)

[RyumaruMG]

After having a conversation with my significant other, we have agreed that I am most likely demisexual.

I am okay with this.

[Kittenwolf]

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..

Spoiler: Stuff (tm)

Show

So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?

[Heliomance]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

[Lissou]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

This is only my personal experience and I don't claim to be representative of other cases. But I was in your situation, decided to give it a try since I liked him so much as a person, and it was a disaster. We stayed together 5 years, I was never attracted to him, I always felt bad/shallow about it, he could tell after a while and felt terrible about himself, we had a nasty break-up and don't even talk to each other anymore.

I'd advise against it. I think the rule of "f*ck yes! or no" should apply both ways. If it's not a "f*ck yes!" then it's a "no".

It may seem rude and shallow, but you can't control your attraction, and in the end, you're giving him a chance to find someone who is actually attracted to him.

[Thufir]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

My inclination is to say no, don't do it. Since you say you're not at all attracted to him. No attraction is going to be bad for a relationship.

Now if, hypothetically, you were attracted to him at least a bit, but weren't sure if it were sufficient attraction for pursuing a possible relationship (an experience which I have had), then I'd say it could be worth exploring those feelings, but even then I'd say you should be cautious, because while in theory some attraction could develop into more attraction over time, in practice if you go into a relationship and your heart's not really in it, it's not fair on either of you - not on him because he wouldn't be getting what he actually wanted, just kind of going through the motions of it; and not on you because you'd be stuck in a relationship you didn't really want and forced to pass up on every new attractive person you meet and would rather be pursuing until you break it off and both parties feel bad about the whole thing.
That's slightly more negative than I meant to be, I do think it's possible that feelings can grow into stronger feelings, but the thing is equally they can end up not doing so.

Anyway, bottom line is, if you're not attracted at all, don't do it. If you find yourself becoming attracted a bit then consider exploring those feelings but be cautious abou it because it's pretty tough to know if those feelings will continue to grow or just stop where they are or something else entirely.

[Togath]

How is everyone?
Like, I know the Bastille Day incident wasn't LGBTAI oriented... But it's a tragedy regardless of sex, orientation, or whatever.
Anyone here hurt/know people who were hurt?

*offers tons and tons of hugs*

[Coidzor]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?

Try making a high-pitched "Huh?" sound with a mostly-closed mouth repeatedly and quickly. Also, try closing you mouth when you're laughing, and it should come out more giggly.

I just tried it, and for me it seems to be making a "hmhmhmhm" sound while keeping my mouth lightly shut (lips together, but not pushed together.)

About that, but I'd add a sort of flutter or trill internally, say your bronchiols or lungs or the lowest part of your throat or one of those other tubes in that general vicinity. Sort of like how you'd roll an R or growl or purr, only not the tongue so much and deeper inside of you. While also going higher pitched and shorter sounds, of course.

I've got a bit of a sore throat and am badly out of practice, but that's what I'm getting anyway.

That or I'm accidentally making dolphin clicks.

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..

Spoiler: Stuff (tm)

Show

So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?

I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to advise you. Is there no way to get into touch with your doctor before/without a fullblown appointment and its wait time?

How is everyone?
Like, I know the Bastille Day incident wasn't LGBTAI oriented... But it's a tragedy regardless of sex, orientation, or whatever.
Anyone here hurt/know people who were hurt?

*offers tons and tons of hugs*

Come to think of it, I think there were a couple of GITPers in Nice... Can't remember if any of them frequented this thread offhand.

[noparlpf]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

Personally I don't think physical attraction is a super important factor, but that's probably not going to work for allosexual people. Personally I've tried once or twice to make myself see people romantically when I wasn't romantically attracted to them and it doesn't really work. In retrospect I did end up leading one person on for a while and it kinda sucked for everybody. I don't talk to either of those people anymore. So I'd say don't try to force something that isn't there. Don't feel bad about it, you can't help that kind of thing.

[Icewraith]

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..

Spoiler: Stuff (tm)

Show

So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?

Spoiler

Show

So is your Dr in on this or no?

Edit: You need to decide pretty quick whether or not you want boobs right now. If you want the possibility of biological kids, look into having some sperm frozen.

Starting to grow boobs and not being sure if you want them is probably a big enough deal to camp out at your dr until someone will have a look at you. Especially if this isn't something you previously discussed with your dr.

[Astrella]

Congrats! I thought your mom gave you the clear to start this summer though?