LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[Togath]

It's kinda really hard to explain. It's like trying to explain the concept of "blue", it just doesn't really translate into words that well.

That's what I'm getting from talking to a few other trans friends too.

[JusticeZero]

Since I've been curious... What is wanting SRS/GRS/At least an orchiectomy like? Like, I've never had any problems with having masculine "parts" despite identifying as a girl... Which made me curious what it is like for transgirls who have enough dissatisfaction to want to take surgical measures to change things(which is not to say I find that kinda stuff odd, it's just something I have been curious about).

Personally, I get interroceptive 'freudian slips', where my body map flips and then tries to interpret sensations based around topography, nerve responses, etc. that don't exist. Ghost limb type stuff, where the 'ghost limb' corresponds to an 'actual limb' that has momentarily disappeared out of my body map. That feels 'glitchy' in a way at the time. For me, that's a bit disorienting, but manageable. I can imagine it being worse for others.
I'll have to leave discussion of surgery to others - I still can't even get HRT, based on various annoying bureaucratic issues.

[Astrella]

I've recently had an orchi (am not 100% sure on vaginoplasty yet, but I do have quite a bit of bottom dysphoria), it was, well, the bits that got removed just always felt like they got in the way, I'd be frustrated and feel crappy if I was aware of them, they just, felt wrong is really what to call it. I really hated looking down and seeing a bulge as well.

So some... Some stuff has sorta come up(transition and HRT related, spoilering since it's sort of sex life related).

Spoiler: Stuff

Show

After looking more in HRT and talking to a few trans friends, I've become hesitant to look into it.
While I do identify as female, and would like a more feminine looking body, I also have no dysphoria over my masculine genitals, and in fact don't want them to change... Which, from everything I've heard, they would, even on low doses of HRT(is it worth seeing if a doctor/therapist might know of an HRT method that doesn't affect them?)
Can anyone here offer more information? Do any other trans girls/androgynous people/gender fluid folks here have feelings like I do, where they want to be able to maintain the functioning of their masculine genitals?
I've read(a lot) that HRT causes them to shrink, makes it harder to get erections, reduces sex drive and ability to get aroused, reduces fertility/renders you sterile(along with turning your semen clear), and can dramatically increase your odds of cancer unless your have an orchiectomy, which are all negatives for me.

Spoiler

Show

Function is a bit of a crapshoot, since it varies from person to person, not that I'm personally pleased with it myself but I can still get erections 3+ years on HRT for a reference, and uhm, maintaining your bits, by which I mean, making sure you regularily get erections (since HRT tends to reduce / do away with the regular night ones) helps a lot in mantaining the function you want. HRT causing cancer has actually been debunked as well, you do get an "increased risk" of breast cancner but only in the sense that you'll be at the cis woman level instead of the cis male level.

In my experience how you relate to your bits can also change on HRT and practially most effects from it are reversable so like, trying out HRT and seeing how you feel about it is always an option as well. :) Hope you can figure out what works for you.

[Irish Musician]

Wow am I tardy to the party. Thought it was weird I had seen no activity on the other thread. Saw the new link had been posted......man I'm an idiot.

Hugs for all, hope every is doing better/good.

At the beginning of the thread there was talk about taping things aside when it comes to tucking. Has anyone ever used Vet Wrap? It's the stuff they sometimes use on your arm when you give blood. Not as sticky to things like skin and hair, but sticks to itself quite well. The stuff for humans its oddly expensive, but at our horse supply store it is just a few bucks, and pretty much the same stuff. Don't know if that helps at all, but was just something that popped into my head as maybe a less ouchy alternative to tape, esp for a sensitive area.

[Eldest]

Since I've been curious... What is wanting SRS/GRS/At least an orchiectomy like? Like, I've never had any problems with having masculine "parts" despite identifying as a girl... Which made me curious what it is like for transgirls who have enough dissatisfaction to want to take surgical measures to change things(which is not to say I find that kinda stuff odd, it's just something I have been curious about).

I've also been curious if anyone here has had experience with other types of feminizing surgeries, and what the procedures and recovery are like?(since I have considered them for making the non "parts" parts of my body more feminine).

Uh. It's... my self-image doesn't match up to my body. In a lot of ways, but that's one of the most glaring and the hardest to hide.

[ArlEammon]

I'm fu. . . well, I'm lonely.

[JNAProductions]

I'm fu. . . well, I'm lonely.

What's wrong? Other than being lonely, if anything.

[Togath]

I've also been curious if anyone here has had experience with other types of feminizing surgeries, and what the procedures and recovery are like?(since I have considered them for making the non "parts" parts of my body more feminine).

Just remembered the LGBTAI questions thread... Would it be better to ask over there?

[Heliomance]

We've had a solid week of utterly glorious weather. Today, we planned to go to the beach, and I was going to put on a swimming costume and go swimming for the very first time since I started transitioning. Guess what day the weather decided to break and start raining?

[Lentrax]

The day after right?

[Heliomance]

The day after right?

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

[Lentrax]

Sorry, Tamsin. I can't imagine what it must feel like, and I am sorry to have tried to make a joke to lighten the mood.

[Irish Musician]

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

Tam, I'm so sorry. Hopefully the bad weather goes away quickly and you can still get out there in your pretty swim costume? That is what I am going to hope for.

By the way, never heard swim costume before.....and can I just say how awesome that sounds?

[noparlpf]

We've had a solid week of utterly glorious weather. Today, we planned to go to the beach, and I was going to put on a swimming costume and go swimming for the very first time since I started transitioning. Guess what day the weather decided to break and start raining?

Aw, that sucks. I was actually super surprised by how warm and sunny it was in Oxford and London last week.

[JusticeZero]

That sucks. Is it bad that I was hoping for pictures? Is there any indoor pools or anything like that?

[JNAProductions]

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

*Offers hugs*

That sucks. I wish you hadn't gotten dysphoria from it, because it is just weather. Is there anything we can do to help?

[Lissou]

Maybe you can go to the pool instead? Or even wear your swimsuit in the bath/shower or just in your room, on a towel, and pretend to be on the beach so that you can see yourself rocking it and feel better? I'm sure you look amazing, you do in all of your pictures :)

It definitely sucks when things seem to conspire against you. And things that would have made you go "meh" and shrug can be devastating when you're already emotionally vulnerable. I'm sending you lots of hugs if you want them, and wishes for more sun so you can go to the beach another time!

[Heliomance]

We went to the beach anyway. And it hadn't been raining there, just cloudy, and it was still warm, and I had a really good time. And then the sun came out later in the afternoon and I sunbathed and now I have a slight case of lobster. And the sand was soft and fine and the water was surprisingly warm and we made a big sand castle and watched as the tide overran it and it was all just really nice.

I'm maybe going to regret the sunbathing tomorrow though.

[Togath]

Sounds like an awesome way to turn stuff around!~

Edited to remove the overly sexual thing I posted. Sorry
Was related to a sort of transition and biological sex thing I was wondering about myself, but I realized any way I worded it ended up kinda explicit(pg-13 version, I seem to be very feminine during intimate stuff with my boyfriend, which makes me wonder if I might be unusually[for a person assigned male at birth] feminine biologically).

[Coidzor]

Tamsin, yeah, gotta use your sinblock.

Sounds like an awesome way to turn stuff around!~

Edited to remove the overly sexual thing I posted. Sorry
Was related to a sort of transition and biological sex thing I was wondering about myself, but I realized any way I worded it ended up kinda explicit(pg-13 version, I seem to be very feminine during intimate stuff with my boyfriend, which makes me wonder if I might be unusually[for a person assigned male at birth] feminine biologically).

I think that may be more of a Question Thread thing. Maybe.

Spoiler

Show

That said, I don't quite understand the question if you identify as female and feminine.

[Grytorm]

That's to bad about the rain Heliomance. I kind of wish we had a bit more rain right now where I live, but most of the year we have lots of rain. So its good to have some sun.

About dysphoria one thing that confuses me is I typically don't feel to awful. I feel icky pretty often. But I don't think I've cried much over it. Although I think Helio you've been on HRT for a while which would help explain the crying. Sorry if that sounds weird. Just that, as always after about 2 years I'm still uncertain.

[Heliomance]

Tamsin, yeah, gotta use your sinblock.

On the plus side, I seem to have picked up a light dusting of really cute freckles!

[Irish Musician]

We went to the beach anyway. And it hadn't been raining there, just cloudy, and it was still warm, and I had a really good time. And then the sun came out later in the afternoon and I sunbathed and now I have a slight case of lobster. And the sand was soft and fine and the water was surprisingly warm and we made a big sand castle and watched as the tide overran it and it was all just really nice.

I'm maybe going to regret the sunbathing tomorrow though.

Yay!! I'm glad you got to go out anyway and enjoy the beach.

And an extremely pale person, I too am in the lobster club.

On the plus side, I seem to have picked up a light dusting of really cute freckles!

Freckles are the best, really.

About dysphoria one thing that confuses me is I typically don't feel to awful. I feel icky pretty often. But I don't think I've cried much over it. Although I think Helio you've been on HRT for a while which would help explain the crying. Sorry if that sounds weird. Just that, as always after about 2 years I'm still uncertain.

Hugs? Hugs if you want them. And kittens.

[goto124]

Is this a good time to reference the sunbathing Irish girl meme?

[ArlEammon]

if anyone wants to talk, that's fine.

[YossarianLives]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

[Asmodean_]

After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

[Heliomance]

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

[noparlpf]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

That sucks, I'm sorry. I hope you manage to find it. Hang in there.
At least you've identified something specific like that. I forget, do you have a regular therapist you could bring that up with? Maybe they'd have some ideas.

[Irish Musician]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

Well, on the up-side, at least it seems as though she is trying to make an effort. She may not understand, but at least there is still some manner of trying to relate and understand. Even if it didn't quite go so well as she might have hoped.

And I'm glad that she didn't just start freaking out.

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

I'm sorry Helio . I wish I had better words than just "You do deserve pretty things" and "Here's a bunch of hugs and kittens"....but that's about all I got