LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[JNAProductions]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

Am I allowed to chuckle at that? Because your mom sounds hilariously ignorant. But! She also seems like she loves you and is understanding, so while she might know jack and squat, you can teach her and she'll accept it.

So I'm happy for you. It sounds like you have someone who'll support you, even if they aren't 100% sure how.

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

You do deserve nice things. You're a nice woman. I wish I could do more than just reassure you, but at least have some e-hugs. *Sends e-hugs your way.*

[YossarianLives]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

I totally feel you - I experience similar things, and self-loathing is never ever fun. I hope things get better.

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

I'm glad you can laugh at it. I was honestly a bit worried you'd be hurt by my words, but glad that's not the case!

[Coidzor]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

Yeah, it may take a while for it to percolate through her understanding, bit by bit, especially the more advanced concepts. Thankfully, if she's willing to take the time with you, then you should reach a point where there's a functional understanding eventually with patience.

[AliceLost]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

[JNAProductions]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

*Hugs! Lots of hugs*

I'm glad to hear the surgery went well and she's on the road to recovery. Sucks that she needs nursing, but good thing she has you.

Best of luck with the whole situation.

[Coidzor]

Is there a way to sleep on a couch or air mattress or something for a while so you both can get the sleep you need?

[AliceLost]

Is there a way to sleep on a couch or air mattress or something for a while so you both can get the sleep you need?

Yeah, I've set up an air mattress for tonight and am about to try it out. Hopefully tonight I get some better rest.

[Irish Musician]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

I hope she gets well soon, and I hope you got some sleep last night on the air mattress!

Also, can I just say, that is both an amazing name and an amazing Avatar. Alice is one of my fav books and cartoon movies (though the more recent one I think they did a good job on too). Just wanted to say how awesome your name and avatar was

Hope everyone else is doing well, and hug out to anyone who needs them!

[AliceLost]

I hope she gets well soon, and I hope you got some sleep last night on the air mattress!

Also, can I just say, that is both an amazing name and an amazing Avatar. Alice is one of my fav books and cartoon movies (though the more recent one I think they did a good job on too). Just wanted to say how awesome your name and avatar was

Hope everyone else is doing well, and hug out to anyone who needs them!

Aww, thank you. I've always felt a kinship with the character, I suppose partly because of my name, partly because the world is often a confusing place. (Also there was an old TV movie starring Kate Beckinsale as Alice that played a formative role in my sexual awakening )

the_fennecfox did a great job with the avatar, I was super happy with it!

I've had a bit more sleep, and had a bit less to do today, so I'm feeling a bit less dead, although it'll still be a while before things are back to normal. I'm not the best nurse in the world .

[ArlEammon]

No one cares. Cutting used to be a thing and I never got help for it. . . this is just weird to be thirty two and for no one to care. . . like I'm stuck in High School.

[Lissou]

I'm also playing nurse to my husband right now. He got surgery on his foot, a bad abscess, they were going to amputate but managed to save his foot, but he's got a long recovery in front of him because the surgery was still pretty extensive, even though they manage to save the bones.

Anyway, my point is, I totally sympathize. Playing nurse is difficult. And I have the luxury of being able to take a break from work as I nurse him, so considering how tired I am I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. AND he has neuropathy in his foot, so he's not in pain. (Which is great, but at the same time, the reason why it got so bad in the first place).

Anyway, hang in there, It's awesome that you're there for her, and I hope she recovers well and that you get to rest better, and relax. I have been doing everything I can to find ways to relax (meditating, lots of reading) while still being "on call" if he needs me, and it has helped a lot. Maybe you can find something that helps you relax and escape the responsibilities now and then, too?

[AliceLost]

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.

[Irish Musician]

Aww, thank you. I've always felt a kinship with the character, I suppose partly because of my name, partly because the world is often a confusing place. (Also there was an old TV movie starring Kate Beckinsale as Alice that played a formative role in my sexual awakening )

My kinship has always been with the Cheshire Cat (which I actually played in a show in college, so much fun), but Alice has always been a big fav of mine. (and I'm with you on the Kate thing, she is the one who made me realize I'm definitely not gay. There was a confusing time for a bit, but she pretty much hit the nail on the head there).

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.

The fact that you are even taking care of her, and trying to do your best and sacrificing your own immediate relaxation and happiness, says something to your character and person. Being a good partner isn't always about always being happy or everything going correctly for everyone all the time. The fact that you are putting her needs first is part of what makes a good partner (I'm using partner here because it isn't just restricted to girlfriends, or boyfriends, or husbands, or wives, or whatever else people might decide they are to each other). So you both seem to be luck ladies to have found each other.

[JNAProductions]

I'm also playing nurse to my husband right now. He got surgery on his foot, a bad abscess, they were going to amputate but managed to save his foot, but he's got a long recovery in front of him because the surgery was still pretty extensive, even though they manage to save the bones.

Anyway, my point is, I totally sympathize. Playing nurse is difficult. And I have the luxury of being able to take a break from work as I nurse him, so considering how tired I am I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. AND he has neuropathy in his foot, so he's not in pain. (Which is great, but at the same time, the reason why it got so bad in the first place).

Anyway, hang in there, It's awesome that you're there for her, and I hope she recovers well and that you get to rest better, and relax. I have been doing everything I can to find ways to relax (meditating, lots of reading) while still being "on call" if he needs me, and it has helped a lot. Maybe you can find something that helps you relax and escape the responsibilities now and then, too?

Aw. I'm sorry to hear your husband had that, but good thing they managed to save the foot! Best of luck in your nursing, and best wishes to you and husband!

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.

Seconding what Irish said. You're putting your girlfriend first-that's being the best partner you can be.

[AliceLost]

*breaks down and cries*

I'm just so bad at this. I'm so tired, and it doesn't even feel like I'm getting that much done. I snapped at her today, and made her cry, and now I'm the one lying in bed, and I'm just so... useless.

Fortunately, she's recovering quickly, and we have lots of friends who have been supportive and helpful, and everything is getting done, and she appreciates me, and everything is fine.

But I'm still lying in bed crying and feeling like a failure who can't even make lunch for her sick girlfriend...

[Asmodean_]

*breaks down and cries*

I'm just so bad at this. I'm so tired, and it doesn't even feel like I'm getting that much done. I snapped at her today, and made her cry, and now I'm the one lying in bed, and I'm just so... useless.

Fortunately, she's recovering quickly, and we have lots of friends who have been supportive and helpful, and everything is getting done, and she appreciates me, and everything is fine.

But I'm still lying in bed crying and feeling like a failure who can't even make lunch for her sick girlfriend...

::offers hugs::

Times like these can always be a hard time for a relationship, snaps are to be expected. But, to misquote someone whose name escapes my mind, "Don't be sad because it happened, be happy because it's over."

And given that you tried to make lunch for her, I know it's a similarly old chestnut, but it's the thought that counts. Trying and failing to make lunch is so much better than just not trying at all.

And if you care so much about your girlfriend that you feel so bad about this, you're clearly not a failure.

[AliceLost]

::offers hugs::

Times like these can always be a hard time for a relationship, snaps are to be expected. But, to misquote someone whose name escapes my mind, "Don't be sad because it happened, be happy because it's over."

And given that you tried to make lunch for her, I know it's a similarly old chestnut, but it's the thought that counts. Trying and failing to make lunch is so much better than just not trying at all.

And if you care so much about your girlfriend that you feel so bad about this, you're clearly not a failure.

Thanks. I rationally know that everything is fine. But right now I'm just sad and stressed. Thank you for the hugs.

[Jerry]

Hey Alice, sorry to hear you're going through such a stressful time. It's times like these that really challenge a relationship, but they can also strengthen them once you're one the other side of the situation as long as you hang in there. She's lucky to have you.

[Lissou]

Have you heard of the ring theory of support? Comfort in, Dump out? Here is an article about it. Find your own support network, get support from them (actually that might be us, come to think of it :P But you probably need less anonymous support too, like friends and family) and you'll be able to comfort her better without dumping your stress on her.

Maybe call people if you can't see them in person. Chat about your stress. Feel better. You're still human, you can't be expected to always be fine just because she needs you. You can dump it, just preferably not on her. And if you snap a bit, just say you're sorry and do your best going forward. She'll understand and I'm sure she's very grateful to you either way.

*hugs*

[AliceLost]

Thanks for the advice; it's basically what I am doing with you kind internet folks. I'm fortunate to have a good support network to help with difficulties, but it's also therapeutic to have an outlet for negative emotions in the outermost rings of the ring theory. Sometimes, you don't want or need people to actually help, you just need to be able to vent your emotions and have people who are sympathetic and willing to listen. It's nice to be able to complain from time to time without people who know both of us worrying about our relationship or trying to fix things.

So I appreciate anonymous internet people willing to listen, it really is the help that I'm looking for.

Thank you, y'all.

[Heliomance]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

[AliceLost]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

I'd watch those films for sure! Hermione Potter?

[Eldest]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

That would have made me so happy. The idea still is fantastic.

[JNAProductions]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

Oh god! Ariana Black flashbacks! :P

That would've been cool. Also, HOLY CRAP! YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN HARRY POTTER? That's awesome!

[Grytorm]

That would have been amusing, especially if you had still ended up nerdy and posting here.

[Illven]

I'd watch those films for sure! Hermione Potter?

So is this hypothetical scenario where Hermione Potter beats Ginny if she disagrees with her?

[JusticeZero]

So in the self revelation department..
Planning a camping trip with the family, with my niece. Had an internal monologue along the lines of "So this is totally a girl trip? No, my husband is a guy, and my niece is nonbinary, so we have one of each between the three of us.... ..... .... . Crap, I'm a girl, aren't I?"
I still have no clue what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" is, though.

[Irish Musician]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

Well.....sounds like something we need to start putting together and send to Rowling. Tell her, "Hey, so we got this idea.....feel like doing some collaborative writing?!"

So in the self revelation department..
Planning a camping trip with the family, with my niece. Had an internal monologue along the lines of "So this is totally a girl trip? No, my husband is a guy, and my niece is nonbinary, so we have one of each between the three of us.... ..... .... . Crap, I'm a girl, aren't I?"
I still have no clue what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" is, though.

Have fun on your trip! Camping is always fun

[Lentrax]

If only we lived in the world of Harry Potter... Magic would be so useful.

Also, damn. It woulda been so cool to have been able to do that. The only thing I have with that kind of brush with acting was being on vacation and driving through the Badlands while they were filming Starship Troopers. They needed some kids to fill in ranks of extras, but I was just a bit too young to sign the releases to be in a movie. Ah, well.