Paladin Pickup Lines

[Klorox]

1e paladins took a vow of poverty, but since the effect tends to force them to constantly give away wealth it probably works for them (at least for picking up NPCs. If they also take vows of chastity (outside of marriage), they may have a harder time). And that pumped up charisma doesn't hurt at all.

I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :D

[2D8HP]

I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :D

In 1970's rules DnD the Paladin was limited in how much wealth they could retain, as in La Chanson de Roland the 1975 "Greyhawk" supplement which introduced the class (which also introduced Thieves hmm... what a coincidence funny that). From "Greyhawk".

"Paladins will never be allowed to possess more than four magically items, excluding the armor, shield and up to four weapons they normally use. They will give away all treasure that they win, save that which is neccesary to maintain themselves, their men and a modest castle. Gifts must be to the poor or to charitable or religious institutions, i.e.not tho some other character played in the game. A paladin's stronghold cannot be above 200,000 gold pieces in total cost, and no more than 200 men can be retained to guard it."

For giggles, even more "ye olden times" pedantry:

"Charisma scores of 17 or greater by fighters indicate the possibility of paladin status IF THEY ARE LAWFUL from the commencement of play for the character. If such fighters elect to they can become paladins, always doing lawful deeds, for any chaotic act will immediately revoke the status of paladin, and it can never be regained. The paladin has a number of very powerful aids in his continual seeking for good......
Paladins normally prefer to dwell with lawful princess of patriarchs, but circumstances may prevent this. They will associate only with lawful characters"

Huh? What's lawful? What's chaotic? What's associate? And what is this charitable? I don't believe PC's know this word.
Well...helpfully there are some clues:

" Chaotic Alignment by a player generally betokens chaotic action on the player's part without any rule to stress this aspect, i.e. a chaotic player is usually more prone to stab even his lawless buddy in the back for some desired gain. However, chaos is just that - chaotic. Evil monsters are as likely to turn on their supposed confederate in order to have all the loot as they are to attack a lawful party in the first place".

OK Paladins are "continual seeking for good", "All thieves are either neutral or chaotic - although lawful characters may hire them on a one-time basis for missions which are basically lawful" "Patriarchs" (high level Clerics) "stance" is "Law", and "Evil High Priests" "stance" is "Chaos". So we can infer that Law = Good, and Chaos = Evil in early D&D, which fits how the terms were used in novels Gygax cited as "inspiration", first in Anderson's "Three Hearts and Three Lions", and than later in Moorcock's "Stormbringer" (though Moorcock eventually in his novels show that too much "Law" is anti-human as well, which is probably why Gygax added the separate Good-Evil axis so you could have "Lawful Evil" and "Chaotic Good" alignmemts later).
How did this actually play out?
The characters:
Swingy McStabbySword - Fighter,
Sparky McBigBooms - Magic User,
and
Pally McLayOnHands - Paladin:
The scene: Private room at village Inn "The Inn":
Sparky: Time to pay our tavern tab methinks (authentically like medieval style dialogue)
Swingy: Aw dude that sucks, I won't have enough left to get that awesome plate armor forsooth (again real authentically medieval speachifyin' that's just how we rolled),
Sparky: Hey lets just sneak out and bail on the tab methinks in truth.
Swingy: Ye spake most awesomely, that would be badass!
Pally: Hark! If you do that I can't hang with you dudes!
Swingy: Verily it sucketh to be ye then!
Sparky: Don't let the door hit ye!
Swingy: Hey! How will we survive the Dungeon without Pally!, hark ye etc.
Sparky: Dude! We will loot the village instead! That will be way safer methinks!
Swingy: Awesome! Um.. thou spake most badass!.....

Swingy and Sparky went on to live happily until they got smoked by pitchfork wielding villagers. Pally got help in building her castle from the villagers, and lived happily until going to lay some smackdown on a Red Dragon.
So what did we learn?
1) Fighters really like Plate Mail armor.
2) Magic Users are jerks!
3) Sometimes Paladins must travel a lonely road.

[Kane0]

"Excuse me, have you seen a stick by any chance? Its a class ability you see. If i cant find it by the end of tonight i'm afraid I'll have to find a replacement of some sort..."

[Klorox]

In 1970's rules DnD the Paladin was limited in how much wealth they could retain, as in La Chanson de Roland the 1975 "Greyhawk" supplement which introduced the class (which also introduced Thieves hmm... what a coincidence funny that). From "Greyhawk".

For giggles, even more "ye olden times" pedantry:


Huh? What's lawful? What's chaotic? What's associate? And what is this charitable? I don't believe PC's know this word.
Well...helpfully there are some clues:
OK Paladins are "continual seeking for good", "All thieves are either neutral or chaotic - although lawful characters may hire them on a one-time basis for missions which are basically lawful" "Patriarchs" (high level Clerics) "stance" is "Law", and "Evil High Priests" "stance" is "Chaos". So we can infer that Law = Good, and Chaos = Evil in early D&D, which fits how the terms were used in novels Gygax cited as "inspiration", first in Anderson's "Three Hearts and Three Lions", and than later in Moorcock's "Stormbringer" (though Moorcock eventually in his novels show that too much "Law" is anti-human as well, which is probably why Gygax added the separate Good-Evil axis so you could have "Lawful Evil" and "Chaotic Good" alignmemts later).
How did this actually play out?
The characters:
Swingy McStabbySword - Fighter,
Sparky McBigBooms - Magic User,
and
Pally McLayOnHands - Paladin:
The scene: Private room at village Inn "The Inn":
Sparky: Time to pay our tavern tab methinks (authentically like medieval style dialogue)
Swingy: Aw dude that sucks, I won't have enough left to get that awesome plate armor forsooth (again real authentically medieval speachifyin' that's just how we rolled),
Sparky: Hey lets just sneak out and bail on the tab methinks in truth.
Swingy: Ye spake most awesomely, that would be badass!
Pally: Hark! If you do that I can't hang with you dudes!
Swingy: Verily it sucketh to be ye then!
Sparky: Don't let the door hit ye!
Swingy: Hey! How will we survive the Dungeon without Pally!, hark ye etc.
Sparky: Dude! We will loot the village instead! That will be way safer methinks!
Swingy: Awesome! Um.. thou spake most badass!.....

Swingy and Sparky went on to live happily until they got smoked by pitchfork wielding villagers. Pally got help in building her castle from the villagers, and lived happily until going to lay some smackdown on a Red Dragon.
So what did we learn?
1) Fighters really like Plate Mail armor.
2) Magic Users are jerks!
3) Sometimes Paladins must travel a lonely road.

I started with the red box D&D, and AD&D (1e) about the same time, so paladin was already a class in 1e. Strange that I don't remember the 4 magic item thing, but it does kinda ring a bell.

Anyway, I love your username. :D

[2D8HP]

I started with the red box D&D, and AD&D (1e) about the same time, so paladin was already a class in 1e. Strange that I don't remember the 4 magic item thing, but it does kinda ring a bell.

Anyway, I love your username. :D

Thanks!
2D8HP comes from the hit points of a 1970's Ranger

Spoiler: Original Ranger

Show

http://annarchive.com/files/Strv102.pdf
RANGERS
AN EXCITING NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CLASS
By Joe Fischer
Rangers are a sub-class of Fighting Men, similar in many ways to
the new sub-class Paladins, for they must always remain Lawful or lose
all the benefits they gained (except, of course, experience as a fighter).
Strength is their Prime Requisite, but they must also have both Intelli-
gence and Wisdom scores of at least 12 each, and a Constitution of at
least 15. The statistics regarding Rangers are:
Rangers Experience Points Hit Dice* SpelI Ability**
Runner 0 2 Nil
Strider 2500 3 Nil
Scout 5000 4 Nil
Guide 12000 5 Nil
Pathfinder 25000 6 Nil
Warder 50000 7 Nil
Guardian 100000 8 Nil
Ranger-Knight 175000 9 Cleric, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord 275000 10 +Magic-User, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord, 10th 550000 10 +2 +Cleric 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 11th 825000 10 +4 +Magic-User 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 12th 11OOOOO 10 +6 +Cleric 3rd Level
Ranger-Lord, 13th 1375000 10 +8 +Magic-User 3rd Level
*either with the standard system or the alternate system which
allows fighters 8-sided dice
**spell progression is as follows: when only 1st Level are usable,
then only one spell is usable, when 2nd Level spells can be
taken then the R-L gets 2 1st Level and 1 2nd Level, and at
3rd Level it is 3, 2 and 1 respectively.
Until they attain the 8th level (Ranger-Knight) characters in the
Ranger class are relatively weak, for they have a number of restrictions
placed upon them, These restrictions are:
- They may own only that which they can carry with them, and
excess treasure or goods must be donated to a worthy cause.
- They may not hire any men-at-arms or other servants or aides
of any kind whatsoever.
PRESENTING A NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MONSTER FOR
YOUR ENJOYMENT.
The Roper: This monster appears to be a mass of foul,
festering corruption. The Roper is cigar-
Number Appearing 1-3 shaped, about 9’ long, with a diameter
of some 3’. It can stand upright in order
Armor Class 0 resemble a pillar or stalagmite or flatten
itself at full length upon the floor so as to
Move 3” look like nothing more than a hump. The
Roper has six strands of strong, sticky
- Only two of the class may operate together.
Advantages which accrue to low-level Rangers are:
+They receive no regular bonuses for advancement due to ability,
but they automatically gain 4 experience points for every 3 earned.
+They have the ability to track the path of most creatures when out-
doors, and even in dungeons they are often able to follow:
Monster’s Action Regular Needs to Track
goes down a normal passage 01-65
goes through a normal door 01-55
goes through a trap door 01 - 50
goes up/down a chimney 01 - 40
goes through a secret door 01-3The ranger so tracking must have observed the monster no more than
six turns previously when in dungeon situations. On the outdoor he has
a basic 90% chance of following a trail, with a 10% reduction for every
day old the signs are.
Because of their ability to track Rangers also are difficult to surprise,
requiring a roll of 1 instead of 1 or 2.
All Rangers gain a special advantage when fighting against monsters
of the Giant Class (Kobolds - Giants). For each level they have gained
they add +1 to their damage die against these creatures, so a 1st Level
Ranger adds +1, a 2nd Level +2, and so on.
Upon reaching the 8th and higher levels, Rangers begin to accrue a
number of advantages besides the use of spelIs already indicated.
+From 2-24 followers will join the character as soon as 9th level is
attained by him. These followers are detailed later.
+Ranger-Knights are able to employ magic items which heal or cure
disease, including scrolls.
+Ranger-Lords are able to employ all devices which deal with
Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, ESP, Telepathy, Telekenesis, and Tele-
portation, including scrolls.
Drawbacks which apply to the 8th and higher levels are:
-The 4 experience points for every 3 earned bonus is lost.
- Followers who are killed cannot be replaced, although regular
mercenaries can be.
-As already mentioned, if a Ranger turns Neutral or Chaotic he
loses all benefits of the class, becoming an ordinary Fighting Man.
Special Followers: For each of the 2-24 followers the Ranger gains
a dice roll must be made to determine what the follower is. Further
dice rolls to determine type, class, and/or level will also be necessary.
Type Class (Men Only)
01-60 Man 01 - 50 Fighter
61 - 75 Elf or Half-Elf 51 - 75 Cleric
76 - 90 Dwarf 75 - 95 Magic-User
91 - 99 2 Hobbits 95 - 00 Thief
00 Extraordinary (see below)
Multi-Class (Elves Only) Level of Ability (Roll for each)
01 - 50 Fighter 01 - 50 2nd Level
51 - 75 Fighter/Magic-User 51 - 65 3rd Level
76 - 90 Magic-User 66 - 80 4th Level
91 00 Fighter/Magic-User/Thief - 81 - 90 5th Level
91 - 99 6th Level
00 7th Level
Extraordinary Followers
01 - 20 Ranger, 3rd - 7th Level
21 - 40 Lawful Werebear
41 55 2 Unicorns -
65 - 70 Pegasus
71 80 Hill Giant -
81 - 90 Stone Giant
91 - 99 Golden Dragon
00 Take two rolls ignoring any 00’s which might come up
Where not otherwise specified Rangers perform as Fighting Men.
They may build strongholds. In all cases the Ranger will prefer Lawful
to Neutral types.

1970's Ranger pick up line:
"I didn't need to do any Tracking to spot your Giant Class hotness" (you need the 'stache for it to work).

Stay classy

And all you little hooligans stay off my lawn dagnabbit!

[Klorox]

Thanks!
2D8HP comes from the hit points of a 1970's Ranger

Spoiler: Original Ranger

Show

http://annarchive.com/files/Strv102.pdf
RANGERS
AN EXCITING NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CLASS
By Joe Fischer
Rangers are a sub-class of Fighting Men, similar in many ways to
the new sub-class Paladins, for they must always remain Lawful or lose
all the benefits they gained (except, of course, experience as a fighter).
Strength is their Prime Requisite, but they must also have both Intelli-
gence and Wisdom scores of at least 12 each, and a Constitution of at
least 15. The statistics regarding Rangers are:
Rangers Experience Points Hit Dice* SpelI Ability**
Runner 0 2 Nil
Strider 2500 3 Nil
Scout 5000 4 Nil
Guide 12000 5 Nil
Pathfinder 25000 6 Nil
Warder 50000 7 Nil
Guardian 100000 8 Nil
Ranger-Knight 175000 9 Cleric, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord 275000 10 +Magic-User, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord, 10th 550000 10 +2 +Cleric 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 11th 825000 10 +4 +Magic-User 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 12th 11OOOOO 10 +6 +Cleric 3rd Level
Ranger-Lord, 13th 1375000 10 +8 +Magic-User 3rd Level
*either with the standard system or the alternate system which
allows fighters 8-sided dice
**spell progression is as follows: when only 1st Level are usable,
then only one spell is usable, when 2nd Level spells can be
taken then the R-L gets 2 1st Level and 1 2nd Level, and at
3rd Level it is 3, 2 and 1 respectively.
Until they attain the 8th level (Ranger-Knight) characters in the
Ranger class are relatively weak, for they have a number of restrictions
placed upon them, These restrictions are:
- They may own only that which they can carry with them, and
excess treasure or goods must be donated to a worthy cause.
- They may not hire any men-at-arms or other servants or aides
of any kind whatsoever.
PRESENTING A NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MONSTER FOR
YOUR ENJOYMENT.
The Roper: This monster appears to be a mass of foul,
festering corruption. The Roper is cigar-
Number Appearing 1-3 shaped, about 9’ long, with a diameter
of some 3’. It can stand upright in order
Armor Class 0 resemble a pillar or stalagmite or flatten
itself at full length upon the floor so as to
Move 3” look like nothing more than a hump. The
Roper has six strands of strong, sticky
- Only two of the class may operate together.
Advantages which accrue to low-level Rangers are:
+They receive no regular bonuses for advancement due to ability,
but they automatically gain 4 experience points for every 3 earned.
+They have the ability to track the path of most creatures when out-
doors, and even in dungeons they are often able to follow:
Monster’s Action Regular Needs to Track
goes down a normal passage 01-65
goes through a normal door 01-55
goes through a trap door 01 - 50
goes up/down a chimney 01 - 40
goes through a secret door 01-3The ranger so tracking must have observed the monster no more than
six turns previously when in dungeon situations. On the outdoor he has
a basic 90% chance of following a trail, with a 10% reduction for every
day old the signs are.
Because of their ability to track Rangers also are difficult to surprise,
requiring a roll of 1 instead of 1 or 2.
All Rangers gain a special advantage when fighting against monsters
of the Giant Class (Kobolds - Giants). For each level they have gained
they add +1 to their damage die against these creatures, so a 1st Level
Ranger adds +1, a 2nd Level +2, and so on.
Upon reaching the 8th and higher levels, Rangers begin to accrue a
number of advantages besides the use of spelIs already indicated.
+From 2-24 followers will join the character as soon as 9th level is
attained by him. These followers are detailed later.
+Ranger-Knights are able to employ magic items which heal or cure
disease, including scrolls.
+Ranger-Lords are able to employ all devices which deal with
Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, ESP, Telepathy, Telekenesis, and Tele-
portation, including scrolls.
Drawbacks which apply to the 8th and higher levels are:
-The 4 experience points for every 3 earned bonus is lost.
- Followers who are killed cannot be replaced, although regular
mercenaries can be.
-As already mentioned, if a Ranger turns Neutral or Chaotic he
loses all benefits of the class, becoming an ordinary Fighting Man.
Special Followers: For each of the 2-24 followers the Ranger gains
a dice roll must be made to determine what the follower is. Further
dice rolls to determine type, class, and/or level will also be necessary.
Type Class (Men Only)
01-60 Man 01 - 50 Fighter
61 - 75 Elf or Half-Elf 51 - 75 Cleric
76 - 90 Dwarf 75 - 95 Magic-User
91 - 99 2 Hobbits 95 - 00 Thief
00 Extraordinary (see below)
Multi-Class (Elves Only) Level of Ability (Roll for each)
01 - 50 Fighter 01 - 50 2nd Level
51 - 75 Fighter/Magic-User 51 - 65 3rd Level
76 - 90 Magic-User 66 - 80 4th Level
91 00 Fighter/Magic-User/Thief - 81 - 90 5th Level
91 - 99 6th Level
00 7th Level
Extraordinary Followers
01 - 20 Ranger, 3rd - 7th Level
21 - 40 Lawful Werebear
41 55 2 Unicorns -
65 - 70 Pegasus
71 80 Hill Giant -
81 - 90 Stone Giant
91 - 99 Golden Dragon
00 Take two rolls ignoring any 00’s which might come up
Where not otherwise specified Rangers perform as Fighting Men.
They may build strongholds. In all cases the Ranger will prefer Lawful
to Neutral types.

1970's Ranger pick up line:
"I didn't need to do any Tracking to spot your Giant Class hotness" (you need the 'stache for it to work).

Stay classy

And all you little hooligans stay off my lawn dagnabbit!

I was first exposed to this ranger in the 1e PHB. I really miss 1e sometimes. :)

[8BitNinja]

I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :D

Tithe means 10%

Thanks for the compliment

[Pex]

"I'm very good at helping people quite vocally plead to the gods."

[2D8HP]

I was first exposed to this ranger in the 1e PHB. I really miss 1e sometimes. :)

*sniff*
Me too.
Good times.
But as I've said before:

You may change it around a a little bit , but for me as long as the game features a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon and you play a Wizard with a magic wand, or a Warrior in armor, wielding a longbow, just like the picture on the box I picked up in 1978, whatever the edition, I want to play that game!

[Max_Killjoy]

The true measure of a classic pickup line... if you'd never actually sleep with someone who'd fall for it.

.

[Inevitability]

The true measure of a classic pickup line... if you'd never actually sleep with someone who'd fall for it.

What if someone has a fetish for bad puns?

[Benthesquid]

"Tomorrow I go to face the Great Wyrm, in a battle for the Kingdom's fate. Who wants to help me practice tonight?"

"Tomorrow I go to face the Great Wyrm, in a battle for the Kingdom's fate. My Protector walks beside me, and I shall not fail to turn it back, but I may not live out the day. It would be my honor to fall in the defense of my kingdom, my church, and my people. But tonight, before I walk into that valley of death, I should like, perhaps for the final time, to celebrate the joys and pleasures of this world. I can think of no companion I should prefer to you for such a celebration."

[digiman619]

What if someone has a fetish for bad puns?

Is there such a thing as a good pun?

[LoyalPaladin]

Is there such a thing as a good pun?

I only make [Good] puns.

[Mutazoia]

I only make [Good] puns.

Never point a loaded pun at somebody, unless you are prepared to use it.

[8BitNinja]

Is there such a thing as a good pun?

Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

[Sith_Happens]

Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

Truly it is an eternal pun-undrum.

[Ignimortis]

Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

Surely you mean...pundered?

...I'll show myself out.

Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

[Inevitability]

Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

And still they don't pun-derstand.

[digiman619]

Truly it is an eternal pun-undrum.

Surely you mean...pundered?

...I'll show myself out.

Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

And still they don't pun-derstand.

No you fools! Cease this at once unless you wish for divine pun-ishment!

[Sith_Happens]

Is there such a thing as a good pun?

Actually, now that I think about it I'm pretty sure Randall Munroe solved this one too.

[8BitNinja]

Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

Fire in your loins? Sounds painful, you should probably see a cleric.

[2D8HP]

"Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

So the cause of that burning sensation is beauty?
I wonder why penicillin works then.....

[RickAllison]

So the cause of that burning sensation is beauty?
I wonder why penicillin works then.....

It doesn't, because he Pally is immune to disease

Now parasites... Maybe he caught micro-Ankhegs from "converting" a villainess.

[Pex]

Fire in your loins? Sounds painful, you should probably see a cleric.

I just Lay Hands on myself, but I wouldn't mind giving you hands on experience.

[Inevitability]

It doesn't, because he Pally is immune to disease

Now parasites... Maybe he caught micro-Ankhegs from "converting" a villainess.

Unless the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble seeing how she could be infested with ankhegs of any size.

If the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble understanding the paladin

[Segev]

Unless the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble seeing how she could be infested with ankhegs of any size.

If the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble understanding the paladin

Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.

[2D8HP]

Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.

Like huge tracts o' land!
(Sorry but someone had to step up and quote Python, also that's not punny!)

[Pex]

Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.

Grr. Do be aware I'm taking stock of this!

[8BitNinja]

I just Lay Hands on myself, but I wouldn't mind giving you hands on experience.

It's alright, save it for a much darker time. A time where the cleric can't heal others from his position.

And here's one from me

I'm here to rescue you. Don't worry about the wizard or his dragon thrall, they're dead.