Results 211 to 240 of 1420
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2016-09-14, 10:55 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Sin City
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I feel like if I don't say anything, she will assume we are still best friends when I no longer feel that way, and that to me sounds more problematic than just being open and honest about how I feel.
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2016-09-14, 11:28 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Location
- Indy
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
(note, I'm sorry if I tend to be blunt but I do try to help.)
Obviously, I'm oblivious to the details and personalities, but I generally agree with AMFV. If you make a big deal out of it, it is very likely to end the relationship and most people will think it's your fault.
In my experience, there are mainly two types of people who use text for big news. 1. They're thoughtless jerks. 2. They're conflicted and anxious ridden and a bit afraid of the reaction the news will cause and can't deal with the added stress of in person/phone with the barrage of questions that will follow. It's possible that your friend has become so caught up in their wife's world that they are #1. But, given how stressful coming out as transgender can be (or any big life change, really), I suspect #2. Do they know that you don't entirely like their wife? Have they ever given the impression that they have some misgivings about their relationship? Given that you have been planning your wedding, they probably knew you'd be hurt by not being at their wedding and were afraid to tell you (yet they let it happen anyway). These are all reasons that they might have went the text route, avoiding conflict but making things worse.
Many people have issues with their significant other's friends. It's quite possible that the wife is jealous of you or feels threatened by you. This can happen even if you never gave them a reason - it can be an issue that's entirely inside of them.
Short answer: Sorry, it really sucks, especially with the timing. Rather than making it worse at this time and ruining your mood for your wedding, try to push it aside and enjoy your wedding. Either the friend realizes how crappy a friend they've been and makes amends or you become semi-friends instead - your friend is probably going throw a lot and needs time to work it out.Last edited by Stan; 2016-09-14 at 11:41 AM.
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2016-09-14, 12:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I disagree with this. I know many people who love this "thrill of the hunt" and prefer it to the routine of a relationship.
I suppose it mostly comes down to whether or not you're good at it or bad at it. If you're bad at whatever, then you might look forward to the end of it. If you're bad at golf, you might wish you could fast forward to the moment where you finish your day on the links with a decent score, so the potential business relations you're playing with aren't amused by your lack of skill. In such a case, the end result is what's important, and the pressure on your shoulders for that end result, which isn't guaranteed at all, will taint the entire process unfavorably, making it unenjoyable.
But if you somehow knew for sure that it would end well for you, then it'd be different, and you probably could enjoy the process.
If you're confident enough it'll end well for you (due to experience and skill and whatnot at that particular activity), then it's the same thing -- you probably won't wish you could skip it all and jump straight to the successful ending.Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 12:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Sad place
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
My ex-girlfriend invited me to live with her and her family for five weeks when I go to Brazil next year, free of charge. The whole family has invited me. I don't know what to think about this.
My Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal (Completed)
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2016-09-14, 01:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2015
- Location
- On the tip of my tongue
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
If you replace "ex-girlfriend" with "friend", it seems straightforward (and a very nice thing for them to do). I would suggest keeping firmly in that mindset unless something utterly explicit contradicts it.
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2016-09-14, 01:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
That doesn't strike me as an abnormal level of hospitality for South America, provided you two left each other in good terms.
Incidentally, one of my exes, who recently got kicked out of Australia as her visa expired and didn't really have anywhere to temporarily crash, got to live with me for a month and a half for free as well (she was cooking, often feeding me, and also contributed a bit to the electricity bill). She's a decently close friend, so, why not?Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 01:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Exactly. The thing is, it's highly context-dependent, and we don't have any context: who left the other, and why, and how did the other take it, etc.
If you two are currently friends, and it's a situation that's very clear and stable and drama-free, then it's not an abnormal thing to do to offer that.Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 01:05 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Sad place
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Ok, that makes sense, but it might still make things a bit complicated if I want to date/chase other women while I'm there. But I guess life is full of choices, right?
My Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal (Completed)
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2016-09-14, 01:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 01:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Sad place
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Very much to the point. Thank you.
My Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal (Completed)
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2016-09-14, 01:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
In any case, I would suggest making sure things are clear between the two of you. She might have genuinely offered that as a friend, or else she might have as a plot to attempt to get you back. We have no way to tell which it is from the way you stated the situation, but you, with all the context available, should definitely be in a position to be able to tell.
As I said earlier, if you two are now friends and that situation is stable and drama-free (say, you both have new stable relationship partners now, you're both happy with your partners, and you both know the other's happy), then sure, why not crash there.Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 01:22 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Location
- Sad place
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
She dumped me because she got tired of me and tired of LDR, but everything still happened drama-free. As always, I didn't waste time mulling over the situation and moved on. I didn't hear anything from her for months. However, I've been talking with our mutual friend about my upcoming trip and he has apparently told everything to her. Now she came out of nowhere with this offer.
My Red Hand of Doom Campaign Journal (Completed)
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2016-09-14, 01:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
There are very few reasons it'd be acceptable to cancel coming to a wedding 4 days before, when you're part of the wedding party. None of the reasons presented are sudden ones and all could have been told to you earlier. So they're in the wrong there 100%.
As to the reasons themselves, the money one is bull****. As you mentioned there was another trip that was just done that could have been easily skipped or combined with the wedding trip (barring something you don't know regarding her and her sister that might have made the trip necessary I suppose). Not wanting to drive is also bull****. How else did she think she was going to get there if no fly? It's not like you changed the venue at the last second. The last excuse of not having their support present is a bit unclear. Was their wife not going to be there? Is she talking about some other form of support (extended family/friends)? I mean if you hadn't invited her wife, then sure that's on you and I could see why she could be uncomfortable or anxious without that support. If she's talking about extended family or friends its downright ridiculous. I can't imagine she spends every waking hour with those people and a phone call can be done from pretty much anywhere.
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2016-09-14, 03:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
- Location
- Bristol
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I feel like these are both also appropriate formulations.
That you haven't been included in their life to the same extent you include them in yours could mean the friendship is more one-way than you previously thought, or it could be indicative of something else. Unfortunately it's probably too late to address that right now.
It does sound rather like she's so wrapped up in her own issues that she's not considering yours. Her reasons don't sound insurmountable, but, speaking from experience, there's no point trying to address or rectify them all individually unless she's willing to work with you, because she'll find some other reason not to. When people give multiple trivial excuses rather than one big one it's usually indicative that they're looking for reasons not to do something rather than that something is genuinely getting in the way.
That sucks, but there's no point beating yourself up about it and making yourself miserable, especially during your wedding. There's often some pre-wedding drama involving some member of the wedding party or one of the families in question, and the only thing you can really do about it is try to make the best of things around it. Better that such drama comes up now rather than during the wedding, at least. I would advise just dropping it until after the wedding: treat her turning up as a bonus rather than something you expect, so you're pleased if she arrives rather than disappointed if she doesn't. Obviously being part of the wedding party makes that a little more difficult, but, realistically, groomsmen don't really have a lot of duties during the day and it should be easy to get the others to handle it.
Once the wedding is out of the way you will be less stressed and the situation will seem less urgent, so you can take it up with her more calmly. I would suggest telling her you were hurt she didn't tell you about their wedding, and that she didn't come to yours (especially at such short notice and after saying she would). I'd advise against bringing up the trans stuff though: that's her business, not yours, and if you bring it into the equation she may feel that that's really what you have a problem with. Instead focus on how she's let you down, and it's worth making the point that even if she is dealing with a lot of difficult stuff at the moment, this was your wedding, and she showed a serious lack of consideration in letting her problems affect that as much as she did.GITP Blood Bowl Manager Cup
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2016-09-14, 03:57 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I don't know how much actual conversation you've had about this, but please make sure this kind of discussion happens via video chat or at least phone instead of text. This is the sort of emotionally loaded topic that tends to suffer horribly without vocal/facial cues.
Most of the possibilities here boil down to "there's something that wasn't a problem back then that is a problem now", whether it's the wife, the body issues, the friendship, whatever. Is the tuxedo non-negotiable? Is the wife refusing to drive down so the friend now doesn't want to? Is this just the end of the pretense of friendship? Some of these can be addressed in less than four days, some of them cannot.
Find out what's actually going on (as much as you can), and then either make accommodations or find a replacement. If you can't think of any other close friends or family you want in the wedding party, if whoever was going to be opposite your friend has a significant other you could consider asking them.This signature is no longer incredibly out of date, but it is still irrelevant.
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2016-09-14, 04:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Or maybe not; it's very possible that he (she) was uncomfortable with the idea back then, but since it was pretty far away in the future at the time, said it was okay (and probably sincerely hoped maybe it'd somehow be okay by the time the wedding is upon you all), but now that it's getting nearer, the fact that it's actually not okay is not inescapable anymore.
In other words, absolutely nothing's changed, except that the truth has to come out now due to the event being imminent.Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-14, 04:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Sin City
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I invited both her and her wife. The wife said she couldn't then she said she could then changed it back to couldn't. She's flip flopped multiple times now. Reason she can't come is because of work. Whether true or not I do not know.
But either way I think the issue of avoiding the trans stuff is inescapable as I believe the reason she didn't come down is because she didn't want to be questioned or interrogated. By that I mean the following:
I told my family before the wedding about her because I didn't want to make it a big deal at the wedding and they all seemed okay with it. I believe that she thinks that she is going to be interrogated about it which is why she does not want to come. I cant say i understand how she feels about that but i do believe it is a legitimate concern.
As to her wife not going she feels left without a support there. I am a support but I will be busy with wedding duties and talking to people etc to be of any help so to speak. What support constitutes I'm not necessarily sure in this case. It's being used a bit vaguely. I think she still feels uncomfortable in social situations.
At the moment I just texted her that we my family and I support and still love her and that this isn't meant to be a guilt trip. Pretty much left it at that. Probably going to text her after the wedding saying we need to talk. Preferably in person but seeing as we live 8 hours away skype might be better.
I do have a close cousin filling in for her so it's not really a problem there. Annoying but doable still.
And honestly I don't think she was okay with the idea at the very beginning but I rather have heard a hell no at that point then a no 4 days before the wedding. I even asked them if they would come as just a guest but I still got a no.Last edited by Deathslayer7; 2016-09-14 at 04:30 PM.
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2016-09-14, 05:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
- Location
- Bristol
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I agree that it probably is inescapable, because it probably is part of the reason. What I mean is, leave that for her to bring up, rather than bringing it up yourself. If she introduces it as the topic, even if it has previously been the elephant in the room, then it's less likely to make her feel challenged or like she's being interrogated on the subject, which it seems may be the problem.
I told my family before the wedding about her because I didn't want to make it a big deal at the wedding and they all seemed okay with it. I believe that she thinks that she is going to be interrogated about it which is why she does not want to come. I cant say i understand how she feels about that but i do believe it is a legitimate concern.
As to her wife not going she feels left without a support there. I am a support but I will be busy with wedding duties and talking to people etc to be of any help so to speak. What support constitutes I'm not necessarily sure in this case. It's being used a bit vaguely. I think she still feels uncomfortable in social situations.And honestly I don't think she was okay with the idea at the very beginning but I rather have heard a hell no at that point then a no 4 days before the wedding. I even asked them if they would come as just a guest but I still got a no.GITP Blood Bowl Manager Cup
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Anlec Razors - Two-time Cup Semifinalists
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Spoiler: Previous Avatars(by Strawberries)
(by Rain Dragon)
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2016-09-14, 07:12 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
It's a certificate program or similar though, right? The local community college has these, and while it is at a college it's not really college per se. I actually directed a friend's sibling towards it a bit when it seemed like something he would be good at and when academics were not working; that has ended up working beautifully.
I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.
I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that. -- ChubbyRain
Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.
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2016-09-15, 02:01 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.
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2016-09-15, 02:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Also I would note, unless you're supremely skilled, playing video games professionally is unlikely to be a viable primary source of income. With the amount of people who participate in the activity at some level compared to the number of people who compete at the professional level, I think you'd be better off numbers-wise trying to make it in a sport-sport like baseball. I'm not saying you actually should, I'm just pointing out the level of skill and dedication it takes. Unless you're not talking about competing in tournaments but just streaming on twitch, which is rapidly saturating.
Regarding point #1, just to clarify what socializing means in this context:
Most of my co-workers around my age are some form of gamer or nerd. Most of us aren't super social, even if we're not necessarily anti-social. So having a wife who actively enjoys inviting around six people we share interests with over for dinner, dessert and maybe a round of drinks is actually really nice. Nobody else would probably bother to do it anywhere near as often as she does, we all enjoy each other's company, it works out really well. A couple times we, as a group, have wandered down to the local Pokemon Go gym or Pokestop because someone had a lure up. We have a nice dinner, dessert, usually there's a pitcher of some kind of mixed alcoholic drink that everyone has 1-2 glasses of, nobody gets drunk, we talk about work projects, hobbies (often what games we're playing or aspects of the games we are playing)...
It's kind of like the outdoors stuff. Given the choice between playing computer games or getting some exercise with no other variables to consider, I'm gonna play games. But I feel better and do better if I occasionally get some exercise or go outdoors.This signature is no longer incredibly out of date, but it is still irrelevant.
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2016-09-15, 04:00 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Location
- Netherlands
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I've been trying my hand at speeddating, but it's just so disappointing. Last time, of over a dozen women not a single one was interested in seeing me a second time. I don't know if it's something I do or say or if I'm simply too short for their liking or if it's something else I have no control over. And I have no idea if this experience is normal or not. It's just so damn frustrating to see all my efforts mean absolutely nothing.
I just can't keep doing this. The constant exposure to this toxic dating culture is wearing me down and I have no means of dealing with it other than to simply refuse to play this ridiculous game any longer.
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2016-09-15, 05:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I meant on Twitch, which actually is a childhood dream of mine, playing video games to an audience. It's something I'm going to be doing regardless of if I get big or not, because if not for others I'm doing it for myself.
And as for how you described socializing... yeah, that does sound nice.
Hm, I don't think my opinion has changed much. A girlfriend would be nice. It's getting one which is and, I suppose, always has been the trouble, for the endless multifaceted reasons that revolve around it.I've started streaming again.
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
I started my first campaign outside of an abandoned mine, just as soon as a meteor storm from the moon hits.
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2016-09-15, 06:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I would really like to see a game made by Obryn, Kurald Galain, and Knaight from these forums.
I'm not joking one bit. I would buy the hell out of that. -- ChubbyRain
Current Design Project: Legacy, a game of masters and apprentices for two players and a GM.
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2016-09-15, 09:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
Heck.
A lot of you will probably think this is a first world problem, but too bad.
Spoiler: Background to me
I don't really fall in love. I've done it once, and there's maybe half a dozen others, tops, that I've felt I could if I had the chance. But there's been a fair few people who have fallen for me. I've dated a couple of them, and ended up hurting them pretty badly.a lot of my dating modus operandi has revolved around avoiding that happening again, which sort of manifests into a fear of commitment. And I mean fear - have had two full blown nightmares about getting married to someone I don't love.
I'm also a bit funny about friends. Although I do occasionally get a "craving" for a particular person or type of people, when I could spend an entire week by their side and still want more, for the most part I tend to flit from person to person. I'll spend a bit of time with someone then not see them again for weeks, hanging out with other friends in the interim. It's probably not a particularly good thing, but I've always felt more comfortable with it that way.
Spoiler: Background to this personI met a guy at a thing. I liked him a lot, and I knew he was into me - among other things, he asked a friend about me and the friend told me. So when we talked online for a bit afterwards, we ended up going on a date.
I hadn't realised how big the aforementioned intimacy issues had gotten until I turned up for this date and experienced something in the same family as a panic attack when I realised I wasn't the least bit attracted to the guy. I freaked right out. Totally irrational terror at the idea he might think I was more into him than I was.
Anyway, despite that, it was a really good date. At the end of it I told him so, and also that while I liked him a lot this wasn't going anywhere Relationship-wise. He accepted that, wanted to be friends, and we moved on. When we hung out we tended to be pretty touchy-feely, but I figured we were on the same pages after that talk... And then at some point he referred to me as his girlfriend (and there were a few other situations where it seemed he thought there was more going on than there was), and I had to tell him that no that definitely was not a thing that was happening. He seemed to take that well enough, too.
The additional problem, and I say this with a fair bit of awareness of how douchey this is to say, is he always wants to spend time with me! Every Friday it's a phone call (a phone call!) to see if I'm free to hang out that weekend. There's nothing wrong with that, really, but it is a fact about me that making me feel obliged to spend a whole lot of time with you over an extended period of time is a sure-fire way to turn me off you and ensure I NEVER want to spend time with you. That's pretty crappy and a problem with me, not him, I know, but it's what I am.
Spoiler: And then this morning I awoke to this sms
Originally Posted by my friend
Spoiler: TL, DRDespite my precautions and paranoias, a guy I like but don't like-like, like-likes me too much and now awks.
HECKLast edited by Serpentine; 2016-09-15 at 09:29 PM.
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2016-09-15, 11:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I would say that unrequited love (whichever side you happen to be on) is pretty much an everybody problem. My advice would be to back off some, give him some space. If you're around him it's going to make it more painful for him, so I'd give him some space, not necessarily shut him down, but kind of pull back a little bit, to let him get over it. Also, he might react negatively or get angry. That's pretty common as a result of this particular thing, so I wouldn't hold that against him.
My Avatar is Glimtwizzle, a Gnomish Fighter/Illusionist by Cuthalion.
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2016-09-16, 02:14 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I've started streaming again.
78% of DM's started their first campaign in a tavern. If you're one of the 22% that didn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
I started my first campaign outside of an abandoned mine, just as soon as a meteor storm from the moon hits.
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2016-09-16, 08:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2014
- Location
- Indy
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
I agree, though I'd take it a step further and totally stop hanging out with him. I can't say what's going on in his head but he seems to be listening only to his delusions and not really processing what you say. The SMS makes it seem like he considers you a difficult catch that would be a fun challenge, like all those bad romantic movies that encourage stalker behavior. Saying it's never going to happen but hanging out with him will likely give him false hope so he'll keep building it up in his head. I wouldn't even give him any hope like saying stop seeing each other for a while as that gives him a mental eventually in, like he just has to keep at it longer.
That sounds harsh but I think it's better for everyone.
Sorry you got put in this place, I don't think it's your fault.
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2016-09-16, 08:55 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
If you're confident you don't want a relationship here, I think just cutting contact is the way to go. The person in question is either deluding themselves or thinking they can "convince" you to change your mind. Both are bad. Cut ties, move on.
Overall, I'd be vary wary of trying to remain friends with potential romantic interests, especially if the early stages were based on that one or two initial dates. Yes in some cases you'll end up finding a good friend and there won't be any unrequited feelings on either side. In my experience, that's rare. Usually one side or the other will have some sort of unrequited feelings and it gets into the same situation that I mentioned above: either they delude themselves into thinking "yeah we can just be friends" or they think they can change the other person's mind.
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2016-09-16, 10:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Location
- Finland
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVII: Sarcasm Will Not Be Tolerated
In my experience, unrequited feelings are rarely a problem if the people are honest and grown-up about it. Three of my current close non-romantic relationships (there're 6 people total I'd count myself having a close relationship with) have initially involved feelings one way or another (in one case, dating) and if anything, that just lead to us being even closer as friends, particularly in terms of warmth. If they are on the table and both parties agree that nothing will happen, that should suffice.
Though of course, relationships and feelings are unpredictable. Sometimes long-time friends suddenly realise they should be dating - this happened with my grandparents after 2 years as friends seriously dating other people. Que sera, sera.
Sure, growing out of the romantic interest takes time and is even harder in close proximity, but it barely impacts anyone if not acted on. Might not work for everyone but I'd caution against categorically ruling the option out. Friendship is ultimately a matter of trust: if you can trust the other party to place your good before theirs, there's absolutelu no need to worry.Campaign Journal: Uncovering the Lost World - A Player's Diary in Low-Magic D&D (Latest Update: 8.3.2014)
Being Bane: A Guide to Barbarians Cracking Small Men - Ever Been Angry?! Then this is for you!
SRD Averages - An aggregation of all the key stats of all the monster entries on SRD arranged by CR.