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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Asmodean_'s Avatar

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    Default My addition is costing me 100.

    As far as having meals out goes, I pay for the meal myself on the premise that my mum will reimburse me for it (I'm 15 and have no stable income). This morning I got the receipts from the past week and gave them to her, it added up to "it's about 45, I think. Not sure." She says she'll reimburse me.

    Fast forward to this afternoon - apparently two of the receipts I'd given her were for the same meal - there was a "this is what you bought" receipt and a "this is for your debit card in case you get audited" receipt. I'd been distracted at the time and had accidentally totted them up as if they were for separate meals (I go to that particular restaurant chain a lot, so seeing two of them on there didn't tip me off). The meal in question was 15.90, so naturally I had to pay back...

    115.90.

    I immediately assumed she'd read the price wrong, but no, apparently she had also included a "gift" of 100 for the summer holidays out of goodwill. Before this gift I had about 300 in my account so this was quite a lot. Apparently, since I'd maliciously attempted to swindle her out of 16, the goodwill was gone and I had to give it back.

    Firstly, according to her she'd already given me this gift, and at what point would you ever go to someone you just gave a gift to and say "Hey I actually don't like you give me the gift back!"
    Secondly, even though I said "I think" and "Not sure", she managed to take this as "I would bet that 100 I don't know you're giving me that it's 100% accurate".
    Thirdly, I didn't even know this gift was a thing until I was told to give it back. Obviously now I apparently have an extra 100 I wouldn't want it to just go away.
    And finally, through a series of talks just under a year ago, an actual contract was drawn up saying that she would cover my university tuition in full on the basis that there were "no fallouts" i.e. arguments between us.

    What do?
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    Ettin in the Playground
     
    AssassinGuy

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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    For my part, I would approach this from the perspective that you clearly ticked her off somehow, and you would prefer not to upset her like that again. Don't bring up the 100 euros into it at all. If you make it about the money and not "hey, I obviously upset you, please help me understand it so I don't do it again" you are putting her on the defensive. That may mean that you wont end up with the money, but frankly I think not damaging your relationship with your mother is worth it in the long term.

    Now, maybe she was just having a really bad day and was taking it out on you. Or maybe you've actually been agitating her unwittingly and that was just the final straw. But I think its important to have a level conversation about that, because either way both of you guys deserve to know if theres something that needs resolving between you.
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    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    Quote Originally Posted by Asmodean_ View Post
    This morning I got the receipts from the past week and gave them to her, it added up to "it's about 45, I think. Not sure." She says she'll reimburse me.
    It was only a week's worth of receipts, and your inclusion of that cloned tab represented a 50% increase in the total amount spent on food. It was negligence that you didn't spot it. If you have a grand total of 45 spent on meals, how can you fail to spot that the exact same bill of 15.90 comes twice in there? At that kind of price-per-meal, you probably have three receipts for the entire week, which would mean that that receipt of 15.90 makes up a whopping two-thirds of your receipts.

    Do you have valid excuses for failing to spot it? If I were you, I'd try to make sure mom continues to trust you in spite of this... it's more important than 100 pounds.

    I agree with her that you were either a thief or an idiot (the latter is less bad), so removing that goodwill 100 isn't unreasonable as a penalty. Her role is to teach you life, among other things.
    Offer good while supplies last. 2 to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow 6 weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited, except in Indiana.

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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Brother Oni's Avatar

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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    Seconding both comments above, if only for the sake of your relationship with your mother. If it's an honest mistake, own up to it and apologise.

    Even a more pragmatic approach favours this when you weigh up 100 versus whatever uni tuition fees will be in 3 years' time (they're currently 9,000 a year, so 27k for a standard 3 year course).

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    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Asmodean_'s Avatar

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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    Re: be honest:

    I am being honest. I've admitted it was just a mistake, since it actually was, I wasn't trying to steal 16, and I've apologised for it.
    It's just she doesn't believe me.
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    Titan in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    Honest answer: As a young person, you have to live with the fact that your parents are simply allowed to do stupid, even abusive things, you have no real rights, and anything that they give you they can take back at a moment's notice. Attempts to change this in contexts far more serious than 100 - and that's not to say that 100 isn't a fair bit of money - have been met with ridiculously large amounts of resistance, so in a sense, you shouldn't be surprised.

    Yes, it's ludicrous, and I'd completely disagree with the idea that taking your money was in any way a proportional response in any case. No, there's nothing that you can do about it. At best, you can point out that you did say at the time that you weren't sure, and that there's no possible way you could have expected to swindle her.

    If you can't get it back, I'll give you some money next time I see you. Probably nowhere near the full 100 (I don't have a steady source of income either!), but it'll be something.
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    Firbolg in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    The whole situation seems a little strange. She pays for your meals out but doesn't give you a budget? She reimbursed you on the basis of your vague estimate without checking the receipts? You couldn't remember how many times you'd eaten out in that week?

    That there were two receipts with the same figure actually doesn't seem all that outlandish or that it would necessarily raise the alarm, if you eat in the same restaurant often and order the same thing each time. But I'd expect to be able to remember at the end of the week whether I'd eaten out two or three times: that's proportionally a big difference. If you were settling up at the end of the month it might be different but then the figure would have been larger. So it was pretty careless of you.

    Obviously, repaying the excess money is totally reasonable. The extra 100, ymmv I suspect. This might be her way of trying to teach you the value of money, not to take things for granted, or whatever. If her gift was informed by context for <whatever reason> and she was then unimpressed with your dishonesty/carelessness/incompetence/ingratitude (delete as appropriate) I don't think it's unreasonable to retract it. If it was money she was going to give you anyway because you needed it then it's rather harsher - but ultimately it's still her money, so unless you're directly dependent on it for whatever reason it's still her prerogative.

    In any case though you didn't know you were being given the 100, you didn't realise you had been given it, you therefore weren't relying on it and didn't even know you had it until, effectively, you didn't have it any more. From a practical perspective it's not unlike her using your account for clearing a cheque or a bank error that's corrected before you notice. So while it sucks, it shouldn't be that much of a sacrifice for you to give it up. As other people have suggested I would recommend discussing the situation with your mum, apologising for the misunderstanding, reaffirming that you weren't trying to scam her, and repaying the money she asked for without (further?) complaint. Handling it responsibly is probably the best way to begin to win back her trust here.

    And finally, through a series of talks just under a year ago, an actual contract was drawn up saying that she would cover my university tuition in full on the basis that there were "no fallouts" i.e. arguments between us.
    This puzzles me too as it's both an odd agreement to impose upon someone at your age (still completely dependent on parents) and an impossibly vague warranty. Also given that you were and are a minor you don't have the legal capacity to enter into a binding contract. Not that I'd recommend bringing that up over this issue, but it seems rather strange.
    Last edited by Aedilred; 2016-07-23 at 05:06 PM.

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  8. - Top - End - #8
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: My addition is costing me 100.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aedilred View Post
    The whole situation seems a little strange. She pays for your meals out but doesn't give you a budget? She reimbursed you on the basis of your vague estimate without checking the receipts? You couldn't remember how many times you'd eaten out in that week?

    That there were two receipts with the same figure actually doesn't seem all that outlandish or that it would necessarily raise the alarm, if you eat in the same restaurant often and order the same thing each time. But I'd expect to be able to remember at the end of the week whether I'd eaten out two or three times: that's proportionally a big difference. If you were settling up at the end of the month it might be different but then the figure would have been larger. So it was pretty careless of you.
    I agree. At prices of approximately 15.90 per meal, for his total weekly bill of 45 we're talking about a number of meals that's between two and three. Not exactly an overwhelming/unmanageable amount of receipts from an accounting point of view.

    How can you justify to your mom that you took the time to sum them up to that estimation of 45 yet failed to spot that a huge percentage of it was made up by you having two times the same bill in there? I could understand if we were talking about a 500 monthly bill of which a significant chunk would be the same 5.63 McD's Big Mac Value Meal with different dates on the receipts that you could've made that exact mistake of adding the duplicate version of one of these "standard" bills, but you had only a handful to tally up.

    You were pretty careless with your mom's money there. There's a lesson to be learned. Make sure she knows you learned it.
    Offer good while supplies last. 2 to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow 6 weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited, except in Indiana.

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