Funny "Wish" thread & Any legit Wishes??

[55904753zx]

As many players know, The "Wish" spell is pretty much like a "Monkey Paw." In the story, three wishes are granted to the owner of the monkey's paw, but the wishes come with an enormous price for interfering with fate.

And all i hear is nothing but sadness and/or funny death events with the "wish" spell making me think that this spell is a useless expensive high-ranked spell that is better to burn the scroll or just wish for a delicious normal-sized healthy sandwich and keep going with the adventure

But now i wonder what kind of wishes can be "legit" so nothing bad happens and the DM doesn't murder you and your whole party?

Also i would like to hear your funny wish events

[Reboot]

But now i wonder what kind of wishes can be "legit" so nothing bad happens and the DM doesn't murder you and your whole party?

There's a list of "safe" effects. For 3.5 (PF is nearly identical):

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/wish.htm
A wish can produce any one of the following effects.

• Duplicate any wizard or sorcerer spell of 8th level or lower, provided the spell is not of a school prohibited to you.
• Duplicate any other spell of 6th level or lower, provided the spell is not of a school prohibited to you.
• Duplicate any wizard or sorcerer spell of 7th level or lower even if it’s of a prohibited school.
• Duplicate any other spell of 5th level or lower even if it’s of a prohibited school.
• Undo the harmful effects of many other spells, such as geas/quest or insanity.
• Create a nonmagical item of up to 25,000 gp in value.
• Create a magic item, or add to the powers of an existing magic item.
• Grant a creature a +1 inherent bonus to an ability score. Two to five wish spells cast in immediate succession can grant a creature a +2 to +5 inherent bonus to an ability score (two wishes for a +2 inherent bonus, three for a +3 inherent bonus, and so on). Inherent bonuses are instantaneous, so they cannot be dispelled. Note: An inherent bonus may not exceed +5 for a single ability score, and inherent bonuses to a particular ability score do not stack, so only the best one applies.
• Remove injuries and afflictions. A single wish can aid one creature per caster level, and all subjects are cured of the same kind of affliction. For example, you could heal all the damage you and your companions have taken, or remove all poison effects from everyone in the party, but not do both with the same wish. A wish can never restore the experience point loss from casting a spell or the level or Constitution loss from being raised from the dead.
• Revive the dead. A wish can bring a dead creature back to life by duplicating a resurrection spell. A wish can revive a dead creature whose body has been destroyed, but the task takes two wishes, one to recreate the body and another to infuse the body with life again. A wish cannot prevent a character who was brought back to life from losing an experience level.
• Transport travelers. A wish can lift one creature per caster level from anywhere on any plane and place those creatures anywhere else on any plane regardless of local conditions. An unwilling target gets a Will save to negate the effect, and spell resistance (if any) applies.
• Undo misfortune. A wish can undo a single recent event. The wish forces a reroll of any roll made within the last round (including your last turn). Reality reshapes itself to accommodate the new result. For example, a wish could undo an opponent’s successful save, a foe’s successful critical hit (either the attack roll or the critical roll), a friend’s failed save, and so on. The reroll, however, may be as bad as or worse than the original roll. An unwilling target gets a Will save to negate the effect, and spell resistance (if any) applies.

You may try to use a wish to produce greater effects than these, but doing so is dangerous. (The wish may pervert your intent into a literal but undesirable fulfillment or only a partial fulfillment.)

For 5E, there's a caveat for most of the list, but still a bunch of non-twistable effects beyond that risk:

http://www.5esrd.com/spellcasting/all-spells/w/wish
The basic use of this spell is to duplicate any other spell of 8th level or lower. You don’t need to meet any requirements in that spell, including costly components. The spell simply takes effect.

Alternatively, you can create one of the following effects of your choice:

• You create one object of up to 25,000 gp in value that isn’t a magic item. The object can be no more than 300 feet in any dimension, and it appears in an unoccupied space you can see on the ground.
• You allow up to twenty creatures that you can see to regain all hit points, and you end all effects on them described in the greater restoration spell.
• You grant up to ten creatures that you can see resistance to a damage type you choose.
• You grant up to ten creatures you can see immunity to a single spell or other magical effect for 8 hours. For instance, you could make yourself and all your companions immune to a lich’s life drain attack.
• You undo a single recent event by forcing a reroll of any roll made within the last round (including your last turn). Reality reshapes itself to accommodate the new result. For example, a wish spell could undo an opponent’s successful save, a foe’s critical hit, or a friend’s failed save. You can force the reroll to be made with advantage or disadvantage, and you can choose whether to use the reroll or the original roll.

You might be able to achieve something beyond the scope of the above examples. State your wish to the GM as precisely as possible. The GM has great latitude in ruling what occurs in such an instance; the greater the wish, the greater the likelihood that something goes wrong....

The stress of casting this spell to produce any effect other than duplicating another spell weakens you. After enduring that stress, each time you cast a spell until you finish a long rest, you take 1d10 necrotic damage per level of that spell. This damage can’t be reduced or prevented in any way. In addition, your Strength drops to 3, if it isn’t 3 or lower already, for 2d4 days. For each of those days that you spend resting and doing nothing more than light activity, your remaining recovery time decreases by 2 days. Finally, there is a 33 percent chance that you are unable to cast wish ever again if you suffer this stress.

[Arbane]

My party got a wish from some sort of powerful marid-like creature in exchange for something valuable it wanted - after some argument, we got the captain of the ship we were on to wish for us to be able the sail the ship through the skies, under the crew's control).

We got a flying ship! ...And the emnity of some sky-god who doesn't like sailing-ships in his domain...

So the wish came out fine, but there were annoying consequences nonetheless.

[55904753zx]

There's a list of "safe" effects. For 3.5 (PF is nearly identical)
wwwd20srd.org/srd/spells/wish.htm
For 5E, there's a caveat for most of the list, but still a bunch of non-twistable effects beyond that risk:
www5esrd.com/spellcasting/all-spells/w/wish
The basic use of this spell is to duplicate any other spell of 8th level or lower. You don’t need to meet any requirements in that spell, including costly components. The spell simply takes effect

You just increased my wisdom to 20, Thanks! :D (PD. I deleted most of the quote because rules & reasons)

[AuraTwilight]

There's been a lot of wishes over my years of GMing, and most of them are pretty good because my players are genre-savvy.

I've recently allowed a homebrew class in my games, though, where the premise is the character gets 1 wish every level, and is meant to make creative wishes that will give them things to do/contribute to the party. I can't wait for the ensuing mess when someone uses it.

[DRD1812]

We somehow acquired a luck elemental, which was basically a magical duck full of wishes. We wound up using our wishing duck to nuke the BBEG in the last session of our last campaign. I felt a little bad for the GM afterwards. He'd spent all this time making a colossal, vaguely humanoid stirge swarm out of coat hangers and garbage bags, and he could only look mournful as it on the shelf, never to be used.

[erikun]

In general, the intended use of Wish is as a last-ditch resort when you're out of options. Sure, it can replicate any spell and do so with just one round of casting... but the tradeoff is something that will need to be eventually dealt with. Sure, the party who is facing TPK as an alternative might find the chanciness of Wish to be an attractive alternative, but that doesn't mean it should be something the party regularly relies on.

[nedz]

"I Wish we were all in Arn"

The room went quite after that one - Arn was a character in a previous campaign - and then half the players turned to look at me, whilst the other half face-palmed.

I decided that someone had named a village after Arn, well why not, and the party teleported there. Now there was snow on the Ground in Arn and, fresh from the tropics, the PCs really weren't dressed for the weather. Still no real harm done - just an unexpected side quest to get home.

"I Wish we were all back home and in one piece"
Fortunately the party did have another wish to sort that one out.

"I Wish I had a beer"
Said by character carrying a Luck Blade - which no one had bothered identifying.

Lots of boring wishes which worked, and the odd Wish War (High level combat), which I don't recall.

[Strigon]

"I Wish we were all in Arn"

The room went quite after that one - Arn was a character in a previous campaign - and then half the players turned to look at me, whilst the other half face-palmed.

I decided that someone had named a village after Arn, well why not, and the party teleported there. Now there was snow on the Ground in Arn and, fresh from the tropics, the PCs really weren't dressed for the weather. Still no real harm done - just an unexpected side quest to get home.

I'm curious how a character could have access to a wish, but also couldn't just teleport home (or similar).

[Harhoult]

My only encounters with Wish was through DM handing out things he probably shouldn't. Such as, coins that act as Wish when flipped into a well. Thematic, sure, but not something lvl 3 murderhobos should get.
Then again, they did come in handy for dealing with than lesser demon he sic'd on us, so yay?

[The Bandicoot]

I had a crazy game where the players had access to The Deck of Many Things. The bard decided to play a "Pick a card any card" trick with a random dwarf wrestler NPC. Two incredibly lucky picks and rolls later and this dwarf has 6 wishes and is none the wiser.

I ruled that the first two wishes would be "I wish you'd shut the CENSORED up." and "I wish I had an ale" After that he'd jokingly say "I wish I was the best wrestler in all the planes" and thus The Amazing T-Bone was born, a luchadore dwarf that cannot lose a grapple check.

Later on the party ran into his manager frantically calling out "I've lost T-bone!"
_{https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Los_Tiburon}
Brownie points if you get the reference.

EDIT: and T-bone still has three wishes left.

[nedz]

I'm curious how a character could have access to a wish, but also couldn't just teleport home (or similar).

Oh - they got back after a few days. They were mid level and had a wish somehow. They basically had to find some one who could teleport them - who also knew where they wanted to go well enough to actually do it.

[Jay R]

My experience is that wishes intended to break the game break the PC instead. Wishes intended to serve the DM's plot serve the PC as well.

One of the safest approaches to a wish is to wish for the safe return of the king's daughter. Your reward comes from the king, and is not subject to the risks of wish magic.

[Reboot]

"I Wish we were all back home and in one piece"
Fortunately the party did have another wish to sort that one out.

...wouldn't that have been a TPK mess?

[55904753zx]

Nedz: "I Wish we were all back home and in one piece"
Fortunately the party did have another wish to sort that one out.

...wouldn't that have been a TPK mess?

Ya, everyone combined in a mutant-like homunculus and stuff D:

[Jay R]

Too many wishes are attempts to get many wishes instead of one. When adjudicating wishes, I like to have the wish-granting item glow purple. And it stops as soon as a second element is brought in to the wish.

"I Wish we were all back home and in one piece"

DM: The ring takes on a purple glow as you begin the wish, and the glow shimmers while you say, "I Wish we were all back home..." The glow stops suddenly as you finish with, "...and in one piece." You feel yourselves transported in a purplish cloud. As it dissipates, you find yourselves at home, in exactly the same condition you were in when you started.

This is the same way I'd treat a wish to meet the king and convince him to give us land, or a wish for +1 to STR and CON, or any other attempt to get more then one effect.

[nedz]

Too many wishes are attempts to get many wishes instead of one. When adjudicating wishes, I like to have the wish-granting item glow purple. And it stops as soon as a second element is brought in to the wish.



DM: The ring takes on a purple glow as you begin the wish, and the glow shimmers while you say, "I Wish we were all back home..." The glow stops suddenly as you finish with, "...and in one piece." You feel yourselves transported in a purplish cloud. As it dissipates, you find yourselves at home, in exactly the same condition you were in when you started.

This is the same way I'd treat a wish to meet the king and convince him to give us land, or a wish for +1 to STR and CON, or any other attempt to get more then one effect.

I have been known to take the word and as a delimiter between wishes, even in one case having an Efreeti say "Granted" half way through a particularly egregious attempt, but this was just an unfortunate turn of phrase.

[Jay R]

If the ring had multiple wishes, I'd say, "The ring takes on a purple glow as you begin the wish, and the glow shimmers while you say, "I Wish we were all back home..." As you finish with, "...and in one piece," it glows green. You all feel yourselves transported in a purplish cloud. As it dissipates, you find yourselves at home, momentarily caught up in a green cloud, as you all your wounds heal until you are back in your original condition, in one piece."

I don't like hurting people with their wishes, but I have no qualms at all about having them accidentally use more wishes than they intended, when they are asking for more than one effect.

[nedz]

I don't like hurting people with their wishes, but I have no qualms at all about having them accidentally use more wishes than they intended, when they are asking for more than one effect.

Which is exactly what happened in the example. 1st wish -oops; 2nd wish - fixed. No one died - they were only slightly too intimate.

[Jenerix525]

DM: The ring takes on a purple glow as you begin the wish, and the glow shimmers while you say, "I Wish we were all back home..." The glow stops suddenly as you finish with, "...and in one piece." You feel yourselves transported in a purplish cloud. As it dissipates, you find yourselves at home, in exactly the same condition you were in when you started.

This is the same way I'd treat a wish to meet the king and convince him to give us land, or a wish for +1 to STR and CON, or any other attempt to get more then one effect.

If the ring had multiple wishes, I'd say, "The ring takes on a purple glow as you begin the wish, and the glow shimmers while you say, "I Wish we were all back home..." As you finish with, "...and in one piece," it glows green. You all feel yourselves transported in a purplish cloud. As it dissipates, you find yourselves at home, momentarily caught up in a green cloud, as you all your wounds heal until you are back in your original condition, in one piece."

I don't like hurting people with their wishes, but I have no qualms at all about having them accidentally use more wishes than they intended, when they are asking for more than one effect.

So, would your players get what they want with X single-wish rings instead of a single X-wish ring?
Or would you have a second ring immediately pick up after the first?

Edit: At least tell me you say something to the effect of "Are you sure you phrase it with those exact words?"

[Jay R]

So, would your players get what they want with X single-wish rings instead of a single X-wish ring?
Or would you have a second ring immediately pick up after the first?

A wish-bearing item only works if the wish-bearing items are worn or held in a usable way. I once had a PC who was holding a lucksword, but didn't know it. He said, that he wished his armor was magical - and suddenly, it was. After some discussion, he said, "I just wish I understood what just happened." I said, "You suddenly realize that your sword had three wishes. The first one made your armor magical, and the second one made you understand that the wishes were there."

Edit: At least tell me you say something to the effect of "Are you sure you phrase it with those exact words?"

Not after they start phrasing it, but I try to make some comment about it in general when they first know they have wishes. But "are you sure?" is how a DM tries to control what players do with their characters.

[Madbox]

Let's not forget games with bad grammar. For instance, "I wish I was the most powerful wizard in the world."

Okay, the past now changes so that you used to be that powerful. But you are not powerful currently. Shoulda used "were," not "was".

[Strigon]

Not after they start phrasing it, but I try to make some comment about it in general when they first know they have wishes. But "are you sure?" is how a DM tries to control what players do with their characters.

Or it's a way to say "you're playing a supernaturally intelligent and wise being that toys with the fabric of reality daily. You can come up with something less ridiculous than that."

[Jay R]

Or it's a way to say "you're playing a supernaturally intelligent and wise being that toys with the fabric of reality daily. You can come up with something less ridiculous than that."

With wishes? Not at all. I assume that you are working with a extremely powerful but mindless force of magic, and your input to that force must be as correct as those used in programming a computer or driving a car.

But really, "are you sure"" is a do-over. I don't give them when the die gives a random roll of 1; why should I give them when players do something just as bad that is completely within their own control?

[Please note: I don't try to twist wishes away from their plain meaning. But I do give them the most exact meaning of the actual words used. Sometimes this means that wishes are wasted, but I can't remember using one to actually hurt the PCs]

[Reboot]

With wishes? Not at all. I assume that you are working with a extremely powerful but mindless force of magic, and your input to that force must be as correct as those used in programming a computer or driving a car.

Depends - is the party wizard casting a Wish spell, or is some sort of genie they've found casting it? (And, in the latter case, are they benevolent or malicious)

[Jay R]

Depends - is the party wizard casting a Wish spell, or is some sort of genie they've found casting it? (And, in the latter case, are they benevolent or malicious)

In either case, I assume that they are directing powerful yet mindless magical forces with words. The words better be right.

[RickAllison]

In either case, I assume that they are directing powerful yet mindless magical forces with words. The words better be right.

If it is a wizard casting Wish or using a mindless item, then sure. The wish can be very literal because those words form a direct link to the incomprehensible magics. By contrast, a wish-granting entity shouldn't act the same way. They are lawyers, intermediaries between the user and the magics who know the loopholes to more accurately manipulate the magic.

"I wish to be the most powerful wizard in the world"

An unintelligent ring is going to be literal, it is going to make you the most powerful wizard in the world by the route with the least change. Now "power" has many definitions and can be in so many ways, but the spell needs to make you more powerful than them (and it should shy away from being subjective). Oooo, boost his Strength to 21, his physical power will be greater than all other wizards (or maybe 23, if a wizard used the appropriate Tomr).

A malevolent genie can twist the imprecision of what world by putting the user in a Demiplane. They are the most powerful wizard in that world.

A benevolent genie can go the other way, correcting the wish to be more in-line with the user's desires. This is where she might say "What kind of power do you wish? Magical, social?" Of course, the wish will still try and accomplish the wish with a minimum of change, so the wizard would be more likely to gain an extra spell slot of some low level that does technically make him the most raw powerful wizard in the world. Maybe a fourth 2nd-level slot?

[IShouldntBehere]

"I wish for [Manufactured Term] to be achieved, as defined by this document"

The document then defines the term in the terms of highly-structured descriptions of states to be achieved. The states are arranged in a hierarchical fashion with the states being given the most preferential treatment are those guaranteeing your perception of the results will be unaltered, that you wont' be surprised by the result, that where clauses my conflict with each other you're given explicit rights to clarify the resolution, mandatory disclosure of all possible consequences above a certain defined danger threshold, and a mandate for the wisher-granter to act in "Good Faith, as the wisher would if creating all effects by their own will".

Once the clauses describing how the wish should be granted, along with the non-harm, disclosure and good faith measures are done, make sure to clarify that this collection of states is a single concept and event and only counts as a single wish all-inclusive.

Only then start to describe the effects you want. Be as specific as you can but your earlier efforts should guard you at least somewhat from "Monkey Paw" events.

The point of all this is to make sure that the clauses to make the wish safe are part and parcel of the wish itself, such that if you at any point see the result of your wish and go "Oh. This sucks I had not foreseen this. Woe is me" the wish has by definition not been granted.


That being said as a GM, if I were putting in some literal wish-granter and player said "I don't trust this thing, I want to word my wish carefully" I'd probably just ask for an INT check to save us both the time and energy of RPing out 10 hours of legalese.

[Jay R]

"I wish to be the most powerful wizard in the world"

Some wishes are impossible. A wish cannot grant more than a single ninth level spell, so if there is already a wizard in the world who can cast more than one ninth level spell (even if she can only cast one per day), then this is beyond the power of a wish.

"I wish for [Manufactured Term] to be achieved, as defined by this document"

If the document has more than one independent clause, then the ring and the first clause glow purple, while an item or effect appears according to that clause alone.

Only.
One.
Effect.

Having said that, if the intent is both clear and the most reasonable interpretation of the words, and there is no intent to hurt the game, I tend to give people what they intended. I certainly don't need extra clauses to state that the item should be usable by the wisher, uncursed, and fully charged.

But only the first thing they intended.

Again, reason should prevail, and there are always judgement calls. For instance, the first of these is one wish. The second is two wishes.
1. I wish for a Keen Thundering Guisarme +4.
2. I wish for a Guisarme +4. And it should be Keen and Thundering.

To be fair, I've never been tempted by really stupid player phrasing, as some DMs have. A friend of mine once had a player shoot an arrow of slaying. It was so effective, that the player said, "Man, I wish I had a b*ttload of these arrows."

Be honest - where would you have the arrows appear?

[IShouldntBehere]

Some wishes are impossible. A wish cannot grant more than a single ninth level spell, so if there is already a wizard in the world who can cast more than one ninth level spell (even if she can only cast one per day), then this is beyond the power of a wish.



If the document has more than one independent clause, then the ring and the first clause glow purple, while an item or effect appears according to that clause alone.

Only.
One.
Effect.

Having said that, if the intent is both clear and the most reasonable interpretation of the words, and there is no intent to hurt the game, I tend to give people what they intended. I certainly don't need extra clauses to state that the item should be usable by the wisher, uncursed, and fully charged.

But only the first thing they intended.

For the sake of this post not being 80 pages long, I'm going to cut out all the specifics and safety language but the general form is something along these lines:


"I wish for Wachumba-Rabumba"

Wachumba-Rabumba is when ~
-A
-B
-C
-D

Wachumba-Rabumba is only Wachumba-Rabumba when A,B,C,D conditions are met. Any state not (A && B && C && D) is not Wachumba-Rabumba."


Wachumba-Rabumba is just one thing, even if the definition of Wachumba-Rabumba includes 4 elements. A cake does not cease to be a cake simply because it is made up for flour, eggs, sugar and butter. Nor is the cake four separate concepts, the cake single thing composed of 4 others.

Similarly just because Wachumba-Rabumba consists of you being 40 feet tall, the richest man in the world, being able to transform into a gorilla at will and having your own TV show does not make it cease to be Wachumba-Rabumba. Wachumba-Rabumba is a single thing composed of 4 others.

For the "One thing" definition to hold in way such that it could "Give me a cake" and not "Give me Wachumba-Rabumba" and remain internally consistent it would have to define "One Thing" as some single quantum change in the state of universe, far below anything conceivable by mortals or describable by mortal language it really couldn't be anything usefully thought of as a "Wish".


This is fine if your wish-granting engine is wholly arbitrary rather than internally consistent, listening to your wish and then basically just doing whatever it wants that may or may not be related to the wish at all. However if you're going for "You get what you ask for no more no less" that doesn't work.