LGBTAI+ Question and Discussion Thread III: Third Time's A Charm

[BiblioRook]

Ah, yeah. I saw the two threads and wasn't sure just which really to go to.

[Wondermndjr]

I was recently wondering how sexual orientations apply to trans*. For example, suppose an FtM was attracted to men -- would this be considered heterosexual or homosexual? I would like to avoid offending my friends if this comes up in the future.
Thanks for any answers.

[Sobol]

For example, suppose an FtM was attracted to men -- would this be considered heterosexual or homosexual?

Homosexual.

Also, if you aren't sure about someone's gender, you can just use "androsexual" (attracted to men), "gynosexual" (attracted to women).

[AmberVael]

I was recently wondering how sexual orientations apply to trans*. For example, suppose an FtM was attracted to men -- would this be considered heterosexual or homosexual? I would like to avoid offending my friends if this comes up in the future.
Thanks for any answers.

To expand on Sobol's answer, trans and cis only have to do with gender identity, not sexuality.

In short, it doesn't matter if you're a transman, or a cisman. If you're a man and your sexual interest is only towards men, you're homosexual.

[AuthorGirl]

Umm, really sorry to waste you guys' time, but would someone please explain the thread title? Darth Arminius Apology? The curiosity has been kicking me in the ankles for days.

[The_Snark]

You're not the first to ask, as it happens. Darth Arminius was the username of the original poster, at the time that thread was made (they've changed it since then). I don't know what they felt they needed to apologize for.

[golentan]

Umm, really sorry to waste you guys' time, but would someone please explain the thread title? Darth Arminius Apology? The curiosity has been kicking me in the ankles for days.

Darth Arminius had propositioned another thread member for sex in PMs, apparently making them extremely uncomfortable. The aggrieved party aired that grievance on the last page of the thread's previous incarnation.

Darth Arminius then started the new thread.

Ironically, it probably would have blown over and been long forgotten with a simple private exchange of apologies and any required change of behavior rather than making it the top of a public fifty page thread.

A lesson to bear in mind, perhaps.

[AliceLost]

I was recently wondering how sexual orientations apply to trans*. For example, suppose an FtM was attracted to men -- would this be considered heterosexual or homosexual? I would like to avoid offending my friends if this comes up in the future.
Thanks for any answers.

Also to note that trans is an adjective, and trans folk usually prefer to be referred to as people rather than just as their medical condition (that is: "trans people", or "an FtM person", not just "trans" or "an FtM"). You might not mean ill, but it's dehumanizing, and used intentionally so by people who do.

[Coidzor]

I have to wonder how much of that is because they're using that particular phrasing to be dehumanizing and how much of it is because the people who want to be dehumanizing never actually learn the proper grammar.

[AuthorGirl]

Darth Arminius had propositioned another thread member for sex in PMs, apparently making them extremely uncomfortable. The aggrieved party aired that grievance on the last page of the thread's previous incarnation.

Darth Arminius then started the new thread.

Ironically, it probably would have blown over and been long forgotten with a simple private exchange of apologies and any required change of behavior rather than making it the top of a public fifty page thread.

A lesson to bear in mind, perhaps.

Thanks! now I don't have to wonder.

[Delicious Taffy]

I've got a question, and it's about discussion. Specifically, discussion of the lives of transfolk.

My question is this: Does anyone here know of a board, site, chat client, or anything of that nature, where I could have a conversation with a trans person and ask questions of just about any sort, even if some of them are awkward and possibly very personal? I'm not talking about invading an existing board where trans people go for mutual support and demanding they let me quiz them on everything, either. I gave that impression elsewhere, and trying to dispel it became grating.

To try and elaborate, I'm talking about a site where, with this being at least one of the intended goals of the service, I could ask a trans person questions that maybe I couldn't elsewhere. Just as examples, I'm talking about questions like "What's the sex like?", "What's it like going to the doctor for certain things?", and "In your own experience, how common is it for transfolk to be into D&D?". Something I could ask, get some kind of serious answer for, and build an understanding based on. I don't want links to a site that just gives broad statistics, or a Q&A article with relatively-generic questions already asked and answered, nothing like that. I'm talking about a service of some description that would allow me to connect with an actual, real trans person, not just a name followed by citations of their work.

My only motivation behind asking about this, and the sorts of questions I gave as examples, is to learn about things from someone who's lived experiences, and has a perspective, that I'd never be able to replicate myself. If you're wondering "Why transfolk, specifically?", well... That's difficult to answer, but I can promise there's no malice, or any attempt to put transfolk in some sort of box. If someone pressed me, I guess I'd have to answer "Well, why not?". I could Google this myself, yes, but I'm honestly afraid I'd find a site that looked suitable, but be wrong and wind up causing harm.

If nobody reading this post knows about any such service, that's totally fine. I'm not making any demands, after all. If you know somewhere that's maybe not based around what I've described, but generally okay with it, that's also very welcome.

[Anymage]

A very lazy search sent me to https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/ and https://fetlife.com/groups/9005

(Edit to add: due to ads and user pics, the latter might not be the best place to go if you're at work.)

Although for certain questions, be mindful that you're not asking an entirely neutral hive mind. For instance, how many trans redditors play D&D can be misleading if you don't know whether redditors are more or less likely than the average population to play D&D in the first place.

[Astrella]

If you want you can pm me and I'll try and answer the questions I can answer. r/asktransgender is probably still one of the better spots, but do note that not everyone will appreciate probing questions on there.

[Lycunadari]

Keep in mind that the answers to your questions will vary widely on who you ask. Just taking the sex question as an example, you can get very different answers depending on a) their sexuality, b) their own gender c) their partner's gender, d) whether they're on HRT e) whether they've had any kind of surgery, f) whether their partner is on HRT or had any kind of surgery, f) simply different preferences etc. And the same goes for basically all other kinds of questions, too.

[Delicious Taffy]

A very lazy search sent me to https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/ and https://fetlife.com/groups/9005

(Edit to add: due to ads and user pics, the latter might not be the best place to go if you're at work.)

Although for certain questions, be mindful that you're not asking an entirely neutral hive mind. For instance, how many trans redditors play D&D can be misleading if you don't know whether redditors are more or less likely than the average population to play D&D in the first place.

Thanks for these. I have very little knowledge of Reddit, so even if it was on my radar, I probably wouldn't have thought about going there for this sort of thing. Honestly, I forget it even exists, most of the time, and the only times I really hear about it are in reference to trolls or online harassment, so when I think about it, it's automatically equated to something like 4Chan and I just write it off. As for fetlife, I'm not sure I want a fetish site in my browser history, much less in a capacity that can be traced back to one of my e-mail addresses.

[Coidzor]

Why are you so interested in Trans* populations and D&D in particular?

[Delicious Taffy]

Why are you so interested in Trans* populations and D&D in particular?

Mostly out of mild curiosity, but there are also some slightly more...personal reasons. More specifically, they're personal in a way that, if I were to disclose them too easily, I worry I'd be put into a "box" of sorts. There are certain things I'd prefer to keep personal, for the time being. So, mostly mild curiosity is my reason for asking about specifically D&D.

[JNAProductions]

Mostly out of mild curiosity, but there are also some slightly more...personal reasons. More specifically, they're personal in a way that, if I were to disclose them too easily, I worry I'd be put into a "box" of sorts. There are certain things I'd prefer to keep personal, for the time being. So, mostly mild curiosity is my reason for asking about specifically D&D.

That sounds suspicious. Like, to the point where if I was trans, I'd want to hear the reason before I answered many questions.

But, seeing as I'm not and the lovely Astrella already offered, it's on her to determine if she wants to answer.

[Delicious Taffy]

That sounds suspicious. Like, to the point where if I was trans, I'd want to hear the reason before I answered many questions.

But, seeing as I'm not and the lovely Astrella already offered, it's on her to determine if she wants to answer.

I'm really curious to know how it's suspicious. Like, do I really have to disclose every single possible reason I might have for asking a question, no matter how incredibly personal they might be? Maybe I'm questioning things myself and want to ask someone with personal experience, maybe I've got someone close to me going through some things, maybe I'm working on a story and want to properly represent one of the trans characters in it. Maybe it's all of the above, and I'd rather not be up-front about those to avoid being shoehorned into a certain role, or maybe it's none of them and I have another reason.

I already said this, but just to reiterate - There is absolutely no malice behind any potential questions I might have, and my ultimate motivation is to learn. I don't think it really matters why I want to learn, so long as I'm not using that knowledge for malicious or otherwise harmful reasons. If my intent was to cause harm, I'd just go on an existing message board and be a troll there. It should be noted that I've not done that, and instead asked if anyone already knowledgeable could kindly point me in the direction of a place where I could learn.

I don't appreciate being regarded with suspicion when I've been completely transparent.

[JNAProductions]

Maybe suspicious was the wrong word? I'm sorry for giving offense.

The thing is, not knowing the reason wasn't a huge deal. But knowing you don't want to share the reason makes it seem like a big deal, or at least does to me.

Regardless, this is probably taking up too much of this thread, so if you want to keep talking about this, maybe clear the air a little more, feel free to PM me. (I think I have space in my inbox.)

And also, sorry again. I really didn't mean to cause any harm.

[Future Sword]

Well, I WAS gonna ask something pretty serious, but then I noticed the last guy who did that wound up killing the thread for a week and a half. Gotta say, that's pretty discouraging, especially in a thread specifically for questions.

[golentan]

We answer questions as they come in. And depending on what the asker asks, with various degrees of enthusiasm or clarity. Sometimes the thread goes silent for a month, sometimes it has a bunch of conversations going on on top of each other.

Ask away.

[Serpentine]

Recent developments in Australia have already opened the floodgates on hate speech, bullying and misinformation. What can we do to help QUILTBAG people get through it with as little harm as possible?

[golentan]

Recent developments in Australia have already opened the floodgates on hate speech, bullying and misinformation. What can we do to help QUILTBAG people get through it with as little harm as possible?

For a generic you: Making sure the queer folks in your life know that you openly support them is a big deal. I know for me, a big plus of the community I live in is the presence of Rainbow flags or safe-space markers in public places. Especially a church down the street from me, which flies a rainbow flag... It doesn't have to be a big, garish thing. Just knowing that LGBT people are welcome in public spaces and have people who will have their back if something goes wrong is massive for a sense of security and love.

[Future Sword]

Nice try with the platitude, but I've already recognised that my question would just get my ass jumped.

[golentan]

That may be, but based on your initial approach, it almost can't be worse than what I'm currently imagining, and I'm still willing to at least respond.

So while I can't speak for anyone else, you ain't got a lot to lose. It can be a learning experience either way!

And isn't this thread all about learning experiences? It's not the support thread, it's meant to push back on the darkness for people who are still finding their footing in a world of QUILTBAGs.

[Serpentine]

Nice try with the platitude, but I've already recognised that my question would just get my ass jumped.

Ask, or don't ask. If you think it's really that bad a question to ask, maybe you should think about why you want to ask it, whether you think you already know the answer but you're trying to make some point with it, whether it's something you might be able to find out with a Google search if you're not comfortable asking it here...
But all you're doing now is attacking people for something they haven't even done yet. Either ask your question, or stop accusing people of attacking you for something you keep saying you're not going to do.
Ask or don't ask. There is no "I'd ask this question but you're all terrible people so I refuse".

[Rain Dragon]

If you don't feel comfortable asking a question to the thread, there's a list in the OP of people you can PM with a question (including myself).

It'd probably be fine to ask here, though anyway. There have been quite a lot of questions answered in the past, you can read the thread and its predecessors to get a better idea (and it may even be that your question or similar has been asked before).

[Asmodean_]

Recent developments in Australia have already opened the floodgates on hate speech, bullying and misinformation. What can we do to help QUILTBAG people get through it with as little harm as possible?

I'm assuming this has something to do with the mail-survey thing that's going on. The whole point of it is to spread apathy, because most people will go "eh I'm not LGBTQ+ so it doesn't matter to me, I won't answer it", whereas the phobes will jump on the opportunity to have their voices heard. The lower the turnout/response rate, the worse it'll be for us, so the key is encouraging those who would otherwise have ignored the survey to engage with the survey (and in the right direction )

If this isn't to do with that then forgive me, I'm not in Australia ATM so I'm not up-to-date with what's going on.

[Rain Dragon]

I can't respond as for the plebiscite itself, but I'd like to second Asmodean's suggestion of encouraging people and conversation. I think having some sane, constructive and positive talk around me if there were hateful talk as well would be pretty helpful, a relief and somewhat encouraging. =)

That said, I've only seen/heard constructive discussion surrounding the issue so I'm speaking hypothetically.