Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Guizonde]

*not allowed to invoke testicles, staplers, a defrocked priest's forehead, piñatas, and dockside rotgut in a single threat ever again.
**banned staplers preemptively.

... the less you know, the better.

[danielxcutter]

*No, dandwiki is not a valid source.

[Lord Torath]

********* This goes double if the have involves an erotic art skill.

* I may no longer trust the Autocorrect. It is devious, and seeks only to embarrass me.

[Rater202]

*Not allowed to steal villains from Worm to fight my PCs.
**This also applies to Pact and Twig.
***Not allowed to steal heroes, either.

****Especially Bonesaw.
*****No matter how cute she is.

[danielxcutter]

D&D 3.5

*I will never use a Succubus with Blackguard levels and the Divine Shield/Parrying Shield combo as an encounter ever again.
**Or one with levels in Iajuitsu Master.

Spoiler: Context

Show

In D&D 3.5, Succubi have absolutely ridiculous Charisma for their Combat Rating, but that stat normally doesn't have much use in combat.

Emphasis on "normally".

The first build gets Charisma to saving throws, which means that many of the most effective spells or effects will have a very low chance of working. It also gets Charisma to Armor Class, which means that hitting said Succubus with physical attacks is nigh impossible as well, even touch attacks which hit about 90% of the time.



The second build is even worse. Iajuitsu Master is focused around a skill called "Iajuitsu Focus" which deals more damage die to the attack depending on how high you roll... except the skill runs on Charisma. Iajuitsu Master takes this even further, adding the user's Charisma bonus to initiative(which means she goes first almost always), and to every single damage die of the bonus damage. This means she one-shots pretty much any PC she manages to use IF on... which isn't that hard, either.

[JAL_1138]

*The machine uprising that plunged the world into chaos and led to the current post-apocalyptic setting was not started by an evil Xerox printer/fax/copier.
**Despite ample real-world evidence that office printers are the most evil, malicious, hateful machines ever devised by humankind.

[danielxcutter]

*The machine uprising that plunged the world into chaos and led to the current post-apocalyptic setting was not started by an evil Xerox printer/fax/copier.
**Despite ample real-world evidence that office printers are the most evil, malicious, hateful machines ever devised by humankind.

I sense a personal experience behind this.

[DigoDragon]

I sense a personal experience behind this.

I will vouch that office copiers are the devil.

[danielxcutter]

I will vouch that office copiers are the devil.

How bad exactly?

[JAL_1138]

I sense a personal experience behind this.

Have you ever had to make frequent use of one of those infernal machines?

I'm not sure whether home inkjets or enterprise Xeroxes are worse. Both seem to be equally vicious, and determined to be uncooperative at the worst possible times and in the most frustrating possible manner. Office machines are typically in a position to do more damage, though.

[danielxcutter]

Have you ever had to make frequent use of one of those infernal machines?

I'm not sure whether home inkjets or enterprise Xeroxes are worse. Both seem to be equally vicious, and determined to be uncooperative at the worst possible times and in the most frustrating possible manner. Office machines are typically in a position to do more damage, though.

I haven't used any of those for quite a while, thank goodness.

[JAL_1138]

I will vouch that office copiers are the devil.

*There is no Duke of Baator named Ah'phyz Prn'trr or Zei'rhoks.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may no longer trust the Autocorrect. It is devious, and seeks only to embarrass me.

** I may no longer miss single mistakes because my phone miscorrects stuff five times a sentence.

[goto124]

*** This is not the place to ask what a 'sand computer' is.
**** It has no relation to an xkcd comic.

[DigoDragon]

How bad exactly?

One time I tried to print some address labels. The laser copier took the page in, and then returned a page with half the labels missing. As in, it peeled off the stickers and kept them inside itself. And somehow that didn't stop the printer from running several more print jobs (leaving huge blank rectangles on the pages).

I had to stick my hand into the machine and peel the stickers off the rollers and drums and all sorts of moving parts.

*There is no Duke of Baator named Ah'phyz Prn'trr or Zei'rhoks.

There should be!

[danielxcutter]

One time I tried to print some address labels. The laser copier took the page in, and then returned a page with half the labels missing. As in, it peeled off the stickers and kept them inside itself. And somehow that didn't stop the printer from running several more print jobs (leaving huge blank rectangles on the pages).

I had to stick my hand into the machine and peel the stickers off the rollers and drums and all sorts of moving parts.

What? Is that even physically possible... oh yeah, infernal printers.

There should be!

Well, someone should make this reference at least.

[Spookykid]

I can no longer promise to cast feather fall on the party of 6 when we jump off a cliff. (It only affects 5)

[JAL_1138]

One time I tried to print some address labels. The laser copier took the page in, and then returned a page with half the labels missing. As in, it peeled off the stickers and kept them inside itself. And somehow that didn't stop the printer from running several more print jobs (leaving huge blank rectangles on the pages).

I had to stick my hand into the machine and peel the stickers off the rollers and drums and all sorts of moving parts.

I haven't had any stories quite so interesting, just the usual bevy of paper jams, failures to connect to devices it's literally plugged directly into, had fits with wireless connectivity, crumpling or shredding important originals, failures to print, inexplicable scaling issues, options getting randomly selected and deselected, inexplicable error codes, the failures always being timed for the worst possible moment, constantly running out of toner, ghosting, smearing, randomly going out of alignment, refusing to print certain jobs for no reason while still printing others from the same PC and same piece of software no problem, toner cartridge spills (ruined a good tweed sportcoat that way...nothing would get the stuff out—it comes out of other fabric, but that coat was a loss), that sort of thing.

[Anonymouswizard]

Thing trainee engineers learn first: technology never works properly. We become the first people who don't dislike technology but always expect it to work in stone fashion.

Just don't expect us to fix it, building the darn things doesn't let us do that.

* No matter what the rules say I cannot build a nuclear weapon out of a chunk of uranium, two catapults and a sharp stick.
** I also cannot build a supercomputer by getting a lot of people and sticking then in a room. Despite real world precedents.
*** No real work precedents will let my character marry their computer. Especially if the computer is a room full of random people.

[Lord Torath]

* No matter what the rules say I cannot build a nuclear weapon out of a chunk of uranium, two catapults and a sharp stick.

** Even if I take a -2 penalty for "Improvised Tools"

[Anonymouswizard]

** Even if I take a -2 penalty for "Improvised Tools"

In Rocket Age, with the right trait (Primitive Technologist) you don't count as having improvised tools. It's not what it's for, but it's completely RAW.

[JAL_1138]

*Must take at least 1hp of damage in the Tomb of Horrors.
**May not simply be paranoid enough and lucky enough not to fall for any of the schmuck bait or get hit by any of the traps, monsters, or other hazards.
***There is no god of 10ft poles, and my character is not his prophet.

[goto124]

**** Or a god of flour.

One time I tried to print some address labels. The laser copier took the page in, and then returned a page with half the labels missing. As in, it peeled off the stickers and kept them inside itself. And somehow that didn't stop the printer from running several more print jobs (leaving huge blank rectangles on the pages).

* Must not insist that that's not real, that's a situation from a game of Office RPG with a creative DM.

[danielxcutter]

*Must take at least 1hp of damage in the Tomb of Horrors.
**May not simply be paranoid enough and lucky enough not to fall for any of the schmuck bait or get hit by any of the traps, monsters, or other hazards.
***There is no god of 10ft poles, and my character is not his prophet.

****Worshipping the DM does not give you divine spells either.

[goto124]

***** There is no Favoritism spell.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Must take at least 1hp of damage in the Tomb of Horrors.
**May not simply be paranoid enough and lucky enough not to fall for any of the schmuck bait or get hit by any of the traps, monsters, or other hazards.
***There is no god of 10ft poles, and my character is not his prophet.

**** JAL_1138 is not the god of paranoid adventurers and I cannot get divine spells from him.

[Lord Torath]

***** There is no Favoritism spell.

****** There is no 8th level spell "Peek in the Module While the DM's in the Bathroom".

[Catalessi]

****** There is no 8th level spell "Peek in the Module While the DM's in the Bathroom".

*******And no, i can't make it with the epic spell rules

[JAL_1138]

**** JAL_1138 is not the god of paranoid adventurers and I cannot get divine spells from him.

I should point out there was a nigh-ludicrous bit of luck involved in addition to the paranoia. Several times when I really should have been hit, I was either barely out of range, or I rolled well, or the DM rolled low, and nothing but pure chance spared me. And as a group we also stumbled onto the right path early by sheer luck and skipped about a third to a half of the dungeon altogether. I was also playing a Cleric, so the group agreed I should stay in the back ranks to heal or rez anyone who was injured. I did have to do a bit of healing, but not all that much, considering.

[GAAD]

* No, you may not play gnomes.
** Yes, you may play the mechanically identical Nac Mac Feegles.
*** No this isn't Discworld. I just realized that I'd turned gnome culture into the Wee Free Men.
**** My players are not allowed to not know what a Nac Mac Feegle IS.

* If my players figure out the deal with the endboss and manage to rig my own traps against it preemptively and successfully, I will not complain about how they ruined my cool encounter and let them butcher a solo monster while taking no damage. They earned it.
** In the future, I should provide less hints about the nature of foes.
*** Regardless of increased hit points and armor class, a sheep is not the best endboss anyway.