Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Guizonde]

With such a DM, who needs PC's?

it's a rogue trader game where i'm playing a storm-trooper who was on cadia when the planet broke. my motivation is revenge. the dm's response:

"so, you're shooting the enemies of the imperium until your hellgun goes click? well, that's why you need to work as a merc! ammo costs money, and you won't be shooting the enemies of the imperium with an empty gun, so you need to kill to buy ammo to kill more!"


i like this dm!

[TeChameleon]

***** if i ever need to use a field implement n°970 to dig a hole, i should just shoot a few hellrounds into the ground and drop a grenade.

... incidentally, i like how this dm thinks.

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44: If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe

[Guizonde]

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44: If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe

38th mirepoix heavy drop infantry, actually. i'm going to check it out right now. about time i quit dodging doing it! thanks!

[Sgt. Cookie]

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44: If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe

Now all we need is a complete list of all 285 rules of acquisition and then we'll have the ultimate mercenary guidebook.

[LordCdrMilitant]

it's a rogue trader game where i'm playing a storm-trooper who was on cadia when the planet broke. my motivation is revenge. the dm's response:

"so, you're shooting the enemies of the imperium until your hellgun goes click? well, that's why you need to work as a merc! ammo costs money, and you won't be shooting the enemies of the imperium with an empty gun, so you need to kill to buy ammo to kill more!"


i like this dm!

Or, you know, leave your power clips/hot-shot power pack out in the sun/plug them in.

More relevantly, a drop trooper doesn't have a voidship.

[Guizonde]

Or, you know, leave your power clips/hot-shot power pack out in the sun/plug them in.

More relevantly, a drop trooper doesn't have a voidship.

you're right. unfortunately, according to rogue trader, hellpacks degrade a lot faster than even hotshot packs. i've currently got 80 shots, and not one more. seeing the price of a back-mounted hellpack, i'll be working as a merc for a bit longer. which segues into:

i don't own a voidship, i'm "hired muscle" for the voidmaster who's ever so slightly jinxed by luck. (off the record, i'm sent by the ordo xenos to keep watch on a couple of sworn xeno mercs that are rumored to be in the sector. part grunt, part axe-man, if you will).

it seems to me to be a shared universe between 3-4 dms, some playing dark heresy, some playing rogue trader with the official tau supplement. they needed a guy who could shoot and be knowledgeable about the imperial guard and the fall of cadia. i've been playing guard since 1998, so i guess i fit the bill.

[Ezeze]

* "The misunderstood poetry of my soul!" is not a valid reason to do something.
** In fact, if a certain course of action appeals to the poetry of my soul, the opposite course of action is likely the appropriate one.
*** I may not, when the GM makes a rules call not in my favor, yell "you're not my real dad!" This is doubly true if doing so would appeal to the misunderstood poetry of my soul.

[sengmeng]

*may not drink and DM.

[FabulousFizban]

* "The misunderstood poetry of my soul!" is not a valid reason to do something.
** In fact, if a certain course of action appeals to the poetry of my soul, the opposite course of action is likely the appropriate one.
*** I may not, when the GM makes a rules call not in my favor, yell "you're not my real dad!" This is doubly true if doing so would appeal to the misunderstood poetry of my soul.

Zibarro disagrees

[JAL_1138]

*At no point in the game should anyone have any reason to quote any part of the WKRP Thanksgiving episode.

[Guizonde]

*not allowed to abuse my inquisitorial status to get everyone drunk.
**there is no spell called "summon mass wine".
***even if there was, it would only be one dose of consecrated good stuff.
****willfully misinterpreting wording for the sake of humor is only tolerated up to a point.

*sanctifying potatoes to make holy vodka is not covered by either the dmg or the phb.
**neither is sanctifying potatoes to give them a bonus on hitting evil things.
***the plot is not "chaotic evil" aligned. stop asking.
**** i've now lost my "sanctify X" privileges.

[JAL_1138]

*not allowed to abuse my inquisitorial status to get everyone drunk.
**there is no spell called "summon mass wine".
***even if there was, it would only be one dose of consecrated good stuff.
****willfully misinterpreting wording for the sake of humor is only tolerated up to a point.

*sanctifying potatoes to make holy vodka is not covered by either the dmg or the phb.
**neither is sanctifying potatoes to give them a bonus on hitting evil things.
***the plot is not "chaotic evil" aligned. stop asking.
**** i've now lost my "sanctify X" privileges.

*May not cite precedent for the above sanctification.

[Guizonde]

*May not cite precedent for the above sanctification.

believe it or not, i hadn't seen that scene for nigh on 15 years. "mel brooks" may become my go-to excuse for my inquisitor's rather... eccentric behavior. thank you.

[Katrina]

* "The misunderstood poetry of my soul!" is not a valid reason to do something.

May I sig this?

* if my character's dice pools rival an Exalt in a game other than Exalted, I have forfeited all rights to complain about how many people shoot at me. Especially if they continue to miss.
** I am discouraged from cackling madly every time the GM's face falls when I announce my action for the round. Especially if it is Summon giant fiendish spider who immediately webs the fleeing baddie.
*** Despite a precedent, I am not to remark, "what weird way will he die?" When I meet a werewolf. It frightens the new players and GM and forces the older players to laugh uncontrollably.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not cite precedent for the above sanctification.

Ah man, I love that movie even though I know it's not one of his best.

* There is no reason to start singing Mel Brook's Spanish Inquisition song during any game of Dark Heresy.

[Personification]

Well I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!

[Reltzik]

* The gish may not neutralize two thirds of the Big-bad's offensive capability with a buff that lets us heal off of negative energy.
** No longer allowed to eyeball the results of the Big-Bad's homebrew magical debuff aura and signature effect that the DM things is very cool, think about it for one round, and then use it in conjunction with a single, defensive, non-violent spell that was never meant to be used this way to sever the Big-Bad's soul from his body. (No save.)

Spoiler: The Details

Show

Pathfinder: This guy was one of five secondary bosses in a campaign that's been running for 4 years now and probably has 2 more years left in it, so all of the secondary bosses are big bads. They're all devotees of the four Horsemen, with this one being the Deacon of Charon (death). They all can go uber with signature special powers. In this case (and this is the first we discovered it), he can create an aura around the entire battlefield that makes time outside pass much faster than time inside (essentially slowing us all down while his allies got a free day), blocked teleportation and communication, and also had a very weird effect of making everyone's spirits trail behind their bodies, with their bodies invisible and their spirits invulnerable. We had to guess (or hear, or something) where his body was to know which square to attack. The spirits following around were just echoing the movements and actions of the body from last round, letting us know where he had been but not where he was now. It's all very much a time-themed effect, and spellcraft / knowledge checks have let us know that the souls are less separated in physical space and more lagging behind in time.

Me: "Okay, I cast Resilient Sphere."
DM: "Okay. You're now protected by a -"
Me: "No, not on me. On his spirit."
DM: "..... uh...."
Player 1: "Wait, what does that do?"
Me: "Encases his spirit in a hermetically sealed bubble, preventing it from following his body around."
DM: "... huh."
Player 2: "Won't the spirit just fly through it?"
Me: "No, it's a force effect, and those stop ghosts from flying through, so..."
DM: "..."
Player 1: "Okay, so the spirit CAN'T echo his move action from last round?"
Me: "Nope!"
DM: "...."
Player 2: "He gets a reflex save to keep from being trapped, though."
Me: "Nope! His body didn't make a reflex save last round, so his spirit doesn't get to do any fancy dodging ducking and weaving either."
DM: "....."
Player 2: "So this created a time paradox. His past can't do what his present already did, and can't get out of it by doing something his present already didn't."
Me: "Yup!"
DM: "......"
Player 1: ".... so, wait, what does that do?"
Me: "I have no idea what it's going to do to him, but it's going to do SOMETHING."
DM: "...... you cheeky bastard."

*** Following the Big Bad gaining a massive houseruled debuff from this (from activating a previously-prepared one-round-reset power) and losing over half his hit points (all in one go), may not override the DM's control over the Big Bad so as to demand he make a wisdom check "for common sense" to realize that I can cast that same spell 7 more times today if the Big Bad moves from his present spot.

* I may not just keep casting Web spell to neutralize the colossal vault guardian with a lousy reflex save by forcing it to keep spending every action breaking free of the web spell.
** Because we're fighting in a gravity-free void with only a single anchor point in the portal we used to get here and the web spell needs to be strung between two solid objects.
*** May not use a wall of force just so I have something else to anchor a web spell to.

* A tree sprouted in the middle of this void by a feather token (tree) will not actually stop a charge by this colossal monster.
** No, I CANNOT cast Telekinesis on the tree that's hurtling around the empty void like a loose cannon. That spell has a limit of 25 pounds and the tree masses more than that.
*** Why, yes, this is a zero-gravity void. The DM has already been very clear on this?
**** Rules as Written does, in fact, say that this is a WEIGHT limit rather than a MASS limit. But the DM thinks that the spirit of the rule is more in keeping with...
***** You know what? I AM allowed to do this. The DM wants to see it blow up in my face.

[Rater202]

*I cannot play a character that is best described as "basically Doctor Stegron" unless it's an evil campaign.

[danielxcutter]

*Perform(memes) is not allowed.
**No, not even for a Bard.

[Lord Raziere]

*Perform(memes) is not allowed.
**No, not even for a Bard.

*** My Bard may not invent an entire martial arts style based on references or cosplay
**** Nor can they invent a martial arts style based on memes.
***** May not refuse fusing to become stronger fighting said BBEG because "I don't want my first time to be rushed and I should at least buy you dinner first."
****** May not defeat the BBEG with some eight year old goat kid's rainbow mary sue godsona
******* May not derail the campaign using nothing but undertale references

[Socksy]

* The elf druid's name is not L'or'ax, and he does not speak for the trees.
-----

* Doesn't matter what my Willpower is, my Astropath Transcendant should not respond to an attempt to possess her by possessing the demon instead.

[Potato_Priest]

* The elf druid's name is not L'or'ax, and he does not speak for the trees.
-----

* Doesn't matter what my Willpower is, my Astropath Transcendant should not respond to an attempt to possess her by possessing the demon instead.

*May not, after possessing a demon, possess yourself with the spirit of the possessed demon and create an infinite loop.

[In4Dimensions]

*May not, as an Immortal Mystic with rolled stats, outclass the Barbarian in hit points and the paladin in AC.
**May not walk into traps with said character so that the other members know exactly what it is, and how to disable it.

*May not, after hearing from the DM that “the walls are listening”, tell the walls to **** off.
**May not continue to make rude comments directed at the walls for over an hour.

[Guizonde]

*May not, as an Immortal Mystic with rolled stats, outclass the Barbarian in hit points and the paladin in AC.
**May not walk into traps with said character so that the other members know exactly what it is, and how to disable it.

*May not, after hearing from the DM that “the walls are listening”, tell the walls to **** off.
**May not continue to make rude comments directed at the walls for over an hour.

the good ol' "toss a teammate into the trap to figure it out" trick is usually frowned upon by dm's who spend a lot of time thinking up new traps... unfortunately, it usually is the most expeditive solution when one is lacking either goats, corpses or explosives.

also,

*** may not hurl abuse at walls, ceilings, or gravity, despite unwittingly being the only guy that defies the laws of physics accidentally. (5 different characters, 10 years, i'm the only one who accidentally wall-jumps due to damage or explosions).
**** "aw come on! looney tunes did it!" is not a good justification for a stunt.

[Potato_Priest]

the good ol' "toss a teammate into the trap to figure it out" trick is usually frowned upon by dm's who spend a lot of time thinking up new traps... unfortunately, it usually is the most expeditive solution when one is lacking either goats, corpses or explosives.

At one of my tables we have a suit of discarded chainmail rolled into a ball that we throw ahead of us to test for traps.

[JAL_1138]

*May not miss the game because I'm the only other person in the family with a pickup truck with a sufficient towing package to pull a farm-tractor when a relative's truck breaks down.
**May not post to this thread while stopped for gas on the highway.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Cannot spend my evening helping my girlfriend make a D&D character for a game she might join.

I feel sorrow for the French roleplaying scene, which is about to get a Dragonborn Sorcerer with a great arse (she was insistent on that detail) played by a crazy girl dropped into one group. In return I told her the kind of character I'll play in my next campaign, Ovelon Nigel Hornsby Wiers (the W is pronounced as a V), the gnomish priest who's main class is barbarian and wields a spear.

[Guizonde]

* Cannot spend my evening helping my girlfriend make a D&D character for a game she might join.

I feel sorrow for the French roleplaying scene, which is about to get a Dragonborn Sorcerer with a great arse (she was insistent on that detail) played by a crazy girl dropped into one group. In return I told her the kind of character I'll play in my next campaign, Ovelon Nigel Hornsby Wiers (the W is pronounced as a V), the gnomish priest who's main class is barbarian and wields a spear.

oh lord, i don't know if i want to witness this or run away. any chance you're in the south west? i've actually stumbled on to a gaming club that has at least 30 members, meaning that my city is pretty active in the pen and paper scene.

[Anonymouswizard]

oh lord, i don't know if i want to witness this or run away. any chance you're in the south west? i've actually stumbled on to a gaming club that has at least 30 members, meaning that my city is pretty active in the pen and paper scene.

I'm in the south east of England, London specifically, there might be a roleplaying scene near here but I haven't found a club yet, and my girlfriend (gotta stop calling her that if I want to live) lives in Paris (although I've got no idea as to where yet, not visiting her for another month and a bit) and potentially has a friend with a group. It's actually been a bit of a chore to convince her that I don't have to be there for her to try roleplaying again (she wants to, but might be more socially awkward than me).


* May not have a telescopic spear.
** There is something wrong if my gnome's inventions work.
*** Especially because I've written 'burnt off' under hair.

[danielxcutter]

* May not have a telescopic spear.
** There is something wrong if my gnome's inventions work.
*** Especially because I've written 'burnt off' under hair.

In 3.5, there's at least one spear that can shift from shortspear to spear to longspear. I think it's in Races of the Dragon. I'd say that counts!