Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Reltzik]

Spoiler: The Setup

Show

DM: "The alchemist hurls a bomb at you."
Me: "Does that count as a magic attack?"
DM: "Um... supernatural ability."
Me: "I mean, does it get past my DR 5/magic."
DM: "Oh, yes, definitely."

*later*

DM: "The two rogues flank you and start attacking."
Me: "Are these magic attacks? I've got DR 5/ma-"
DM: "Yes they're high level rogues so of course they've got magic weapons."

*later*

DM: "The arcane archer shoots at you with a full-round attack. You take..."
Me: "Wait. Wait. Before you add all those individual attacks up, I need to know.... these arrows being shot by an arcane archer.... .... are they magic attacks?"
DM: *facedesk*

*next round*

DM: "The arcane archer shoots you with an arrow imbued with an antimagic spell."
Me: "Is this a magic attack?"
DM: "YES! YES! IT'S AN ARCANE ARCHER SHOOTING AN ARROW SO OF COURSE IT'S.... .... waitaminute....."

* No longer allowed to disguise complicated, game-stopping rules questions as running gags.

[Anonymouswizard]

In 3.5, there's at least one spear that can shift from shortspear to spear to longspear. I think it's in Races of the Dragon. I'd say that counts!

He's a gnome who fights with a six foot spear (because in 5e there's no rule against it, I spent time checking). It telescopes down because of the months he spent carrying a proper six foot spear around, easier to carry and can be stored on the belt (he has a belt chock full of machine tools, of course). I'm planning to get away with it on the fact that that there's no longspear versus shortspear in 5e, just a spear that can be used one or two handed and a pike (which I originally wanted, I was going to make it ten feet long, but I'd have disadvantage on attack rolls). Considering that is is already an intentionally suboptimal build (a Barbarian who begins with 14 Strength and 13 Dexterity) I think I can get away with the fact it's technically better than a normal spear.

This build essentially exists because I wanted a religious character, and I thought that taking what seems like a joke (a gnomish barbarian) and turning it into a character that made sense would be a fun exercise. So we have a priest with a short temper, when he was an acolyte used to fly into a rage when the priests of the more popular gods picked on him (because, despite a joke I made to my gf earlier, he was raised in a racially diverse city, he'd be the only one left standing when fighting two humans and a half-orc). He was originally a standard character from a barbarian tribe (and a halfing) before I had the idea of making him an actual ordained priest.

[GiantFlyingHog]

* I am not allowed to have the party face anyone who can mind-control them
** Especially not if the person being controlled is holding a boltgun
***ESPECIALLY not if that person is standing directly behind another party member

[Sivarias]

*May no longer take apart homebrew systems to maximize the acrobatics skill at level 4
**Especially as that basically means I hover over everything and can leap tall stories in a single bound
*** I may not use my hovering monk's KI powers to nova a boss fight
****Especially when I drop it to 3 hp before anyone else even enters the room
*****It doesn't matter that the DM forgot to calculate falling damage

*I may no longer take the fleshraker as an animal companion
**Even if my druid is insane and thinks its a hedgehog
***Bull's Strength and Enlarge Animal are right out
****You can't have an animal companion do more damage in one turn than the fighter and the ranger combined
*****I may no longer play druid ever.

[JAL_1138]

*Must actually test whether Discord can connect over the hotel's VPN before game time if I'm out of town during our usual Roll20 session.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

* I am not to disable the GM's big boss fight with a single spell two sessions in a row.
** Despite any indications to the contrary, that all the enemies we've fought for a while seem to be custom-made to job to magic users is not the GMs fault. It is mine, and I should feel bad.

* Despite the fact that it is the most efficient and probably most ethical way to create magic items, I am to cease turning chickens into chimeras then sacrificing their souls for power.
** If I continue, it's an alignment check. The fact that Anima doesn't have alignments is irrelevant.

* The faux-German Herr Doktor name-is-accidentally-a-Downfall-reference should not be the member of the party who least resembles the local fantastic Nazi equivalents.

[Spookykid]

* roll the max of 1 million gold for a starting pan tang sorcerer, buy 1000 slaves to sacrifice for power, become more powerfull then Elric

** get all high and mighty about being more powerfull than Elric, get one-shot by Elric when he shows up

*** ask for a do-over

[John Campbell]

* I am not to tell canon Mary Sues with half again my ECL that I could kick their butts with my most powerful class feature tied behind my back.
** Especially if I then proceed to do it.
*** Especially if I have no in-character conflict with them, and it's just because I hate having canon characters show up, especially when they're enormous Mary Sues.
**** Especially if they were there to help us as a DM plot device.

[Katrina]

Suggestion for next thread title while it fresh in my mind: "Mary Sue had it coming..."

* No longer allowed to take the wind out of the GM's lycanthropic sails by pointing out "you're scared of what I'm doing at True Neutral, wait til you see Chaotic Evil."
** being bitten by a werewolf should not make me start looking up spells with the Evil descriptor.
*** Trying to convince the cleric to cure me after I have infiltrated and cursed the werewolf pack is not acceptable.

[Guizonde]

i second Katrina's suggestion of "Mary Sue had it coming..."

*i'm not allowed access to the dm's maintenance area if it's for anything illegal anymore.
** i'm not allowed to demonstrate the seven principles of pain using a monkey wrench.
*** especially not the dm's monkey wrench.
**** i'm no longer allowed to covet monkey wrenches that are above 3ft in length, or beg the dm to let me have them in and out of game.


.... the problems of having a versatile mechanic as a dm.

*also, just because i can short-circuit a fuse box using a potato doesn't mean my characters have such bad luck with electricity.
**not allowed to prove i'm so awful with electricity... again. my word is enough.

[vasilidor]

have villains sing children's songs.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If Mount Everest is considered a precision target I am to start building smaller ships.
** Even if we're stationed above geosynchronous orbit.

[Socksy]

*I may no longer take the fleshraker as an animal companion
...
****You can't have an animal companion do more damage in one turn than the fighter and the ranger combined

"What does Venomfire do?"

-------

* Any character nicknamed "Shadowdark the Effervescent, Toucher of Things" should not be played in a second game after the first game ends.

[Geigan]

I can't personally claim all of these, but they're all worth sharing.

*Interrupting sexy times between a cleric of Azathoth and a vampiress is not usually a good idea.
**Joining in after miraculously surviving an unrelated assassination attempt is also probably not wise.
***Seducing the paladin to join for a foursome will only lead to shame down the road.
****Especially if you leave the child you're responsible for downstairs under supervision of the alcoholic, with an assassin who just tried to kill you sneaking about.

*Studying the Necronomicon is a bad idea.
**Making notes for future use by yourself and others is an even worse idea.
***Turning it into an intelligent item via item familiar is the worst idea yet.
****I will not use the Necronomicon as a sex paddle. It does not appreciate it.

*Stealing someone's soul is only sometimes the right thing to do.

[Hellpyre]

*I may no longer tackle and tie up friendly NPCs who have invited me into their homes.
**Especially if I'm just trying to save on paying for a room at the inn.
***Proceeding to search for valuables afterwards makes me a burgler, even if I can avoid a breaking and entering charge.
****Using the house as an interrogation chamber will cause an alignment shift.

[Guizonde]

*even if the paladin did it without my knowing or intervention, his fall is my fault.
**especially because he accused me of being a bad example.
***no weaseling my way out of that one, no matter how hard i try (or how unjust it is)

*the profanation of tombs should be done on the tombs of enemies, not dwarven kings.
**i can't blame it on language barriers when i speak and read dwarven.
***"communications breakdown" is barely tolerable too.
**** just because it was "a great vantage point and a place to have a smoke" is not a good enough justification.

[GiantFlyingHog]

* I may no longer make characters that could potentially lift small buildings
** I may not have a colossal sized weapon at level nine
*** Or at any level
**** I should stick to non-monster races
***** I may not use any character powerful enough to make the GM think it warrants a CR 18 enemy at level nine
****** I may not proceed to kill said enemy in one round
******* I must stop surpassing the GM's expectations
******** Being overpowered can be more than just doing damage, but that doesn't mean dealing more damage in one strike than the rest of the group did in the entire session is acceptable
********* I must resist the temptation to build a Dragonwrought Kobold Ultimate Magus just to show my GM the true meaning of overpowered

[JAL_1138]

*The Emperor of Rome may not insist that getting drinking-water from lead-lined aqueducts is "perfectly safe; why, I've been drinking it all my life and I haven't glockenspiel rutabaga boing-boing widdershins. RELEASE THE LIONS!"

[Rater202]

Marvel Roleplay.

*As it turns out, injecting three or four differant Super-Serums into the same random homeless man tends to make me the bad guy of someone else's Superhero origin.

[DigoDragon]

* I may no longer make characters that could potentially lift small buildings

** Does not matter if I have canon sources for my build.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My character should not be best described as 'drunken, singing, Chinese Friar Tuck practicing kung fu'.
** Especially if I'm not taking the Drunken Master subclass (I need to double check it, but I think Open Hand is much more suitable for the character I'm planning).
*** The obese elf should not be the most acrobatic of the party.

[Guizonde]

*duct tape is not an appropriate part of my pen and paper gear.
** i can't justify carrying duct tape to the table "for fixing plot holes".
*** no more bringing duct tape to the table.

*ogryns are not my go-to shelter in a firefight.
**can't teach the tech-priest to jump behind ogryns.
*** i can't afford an ogryn bodyguard.
**** i can't own an ogryn bodyguard to outsource my bodyguard job.

*apparently, it's against protocol to bring a hellgun to a barfight.

*brofisting cyber-skulls is frowned upon. (no matter how cool it is)
** no opening beer bottles with cyber-skulls.
*** i'm to restrict interacting with cyber-skulls to the bare minimum.

[DigoDragon]

* I'm no longer allowed to order soup. It's pronounced "NYOK-ee", not "Gnome".

[Anonymouswizard]

* Thri-keen do not wear berets.
** Even when shopping for elf tartare ingredients.
*** Considering my girlfriend's French, should I really be making these jokes?

[Guizonde]

* Thri-keen do not wear berets.
** Even when shopping for elf tartare ingredients.
*** Considering my girlfriend's French, should I really be making these jokes?

as half-french, i can say that you must find a beret, grow a pencil mustache, wear both to your table and keep cracking these jokes. also, as a beret enthusiast, i've had characters wear berets in four or five separate universes (dwarf in 3.5, half-drow in pf, chameleon skink in whfrp v2, and humans rogue trader and a post-apocalyptic homebrew). your thri-kreen can wear whatever it won't eat.

... as an aside, it's crazy hard to find a good quality beret that won't break the bank where i live.

[Anonymouswizard]

as half-french, i can say that you must find a beret, grow a pencil mustache, wear both to your table and keep cracking these jokes. also, as a beret enthusiast, i've had characters wear berets in four or five separate universes (dwarf in 3.5, half-drow in pf, chameleon skink in whfrp v2, and humans rogue trader and a post-apocalyptic homebrew). your thri-kreen can wear whatever it won't eat.

... as an aside, it's crazy hard to find a good quality beret that won't break the bank where i live.

Oh, I've managed to pick up a half decent tourist beret while I'm in Paris, not the best one you'll find but it'll survive more than a couple of months of wearing, I'll ask my girlfriend about pencil mustaches, I don't think she really likes facial hair. If I could still visit this group in person I'd bring a baguette with me.

I'm also seriously considering changing my monk from a fat elf Friar to a thri-keen in a beret, just because it's slightly less stereotypical. The only problem is I'm not sure where to find a decent 5e Thri-Kreen, I'll be checking DM's Guild later on (read: I just got on the Eurostar).

[Rater202]

* I can not introduce myself to the supervillains by saying "My name is *name* and I love hugs. You're all under arrest."
**"It worked in Lilo and Stitch" is not an excuse for why I thought singing to the army of clones would make them self-destruct.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

* I will stop measuring time in 'Anglo-Zanzibar Wars'.

[Hellpyre]

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

[Personification]

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

***Especially if I'm the one who got shot