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  1. - Top - End - #991
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    * The paladin may not use kobolds as bowling balls.
    ** The paladin is banned from kobold hentai art.
    *** Tiamat is not the goddess of Hand Turkeys.
    ****Yes, this includes Sorcadins. Bahamut doesn't hate Tiamat that much.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squire Doodad View Post
    I could write a lengthy explanation, but honestly just what danielxcutter said.
    Extended sig here.

  2. - Top - End - #992
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *Even if allowed to design my own school of magic, 'fingernails' will never be allowed.
    **Toenails are worse.

  3. - Top - End - #993
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Belac93 View Post
    *Even if allowed to design my own school of magic, 'fingernails' will never be allowed.
    **Toenails are worse.
    Just show 'em when you finally get to sail on the Nagelfar
    Warlock Poetry?
    Or ways to use me in game?
    Better grab a drink...

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  4. - Top - End - #994
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *Just because I put the effort into learning how to learning how magic actually works and bothered to learn how to efficiently build my Wizard so that he actually could perform his assigned role (anti-mage, self-defense, and minor AoE through thermokinetics) does not mean my DM has any idea how any of these systems work.
    **Even though every single time he plays, he insists on playing a spellcaster of some description, and is 9 times out of 10 a bloody minionmancer.

  5. - Top - End - #995
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * The correct counter to the DM deploying an antimagic field in combat against us is not "let's make this entire session about questioning and arguing about what bonuses we keep, what bonuses we lose, and what the errata says every single round so that the DM never does this to us again."
    ** Planning this ALOUD so that the DM can hear it is extra-incorrect.
    *** .... it also works, dammit.
    I'm not an evil GM! Honest!

  6. - Top - End - #996
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * Cannot postpone the first session because the GM is unsure if magitech rail rifles break the 'no post-medieval tech' rule.
    ** No longer allowed to play characters who specialise in technology.
    *** Even if the class was originally released by the creators.
    **** Especially if I can provide a scientific-sounding explanation for every spell-replicating device my character builds.
    ***** This goes double if I spend time converting that explanation into magi-babble.

    For the record, the explanations so far boil down to 'generates a magnetic field with copper rails', 'collects moisture then rapidly disperses it', and 'randomly shifts light wavelengths when it hits it', for my Thunder Cannon, Fog Cloud Orb, and Blur Cloak. I was considering what an engineer in a D&D world might be like, seeing as my GM okayed the Artificer class (then said I might be restricted to Alchemist, still no reply), and as we have a literal pixie in the group fighting back with stupid explanations for 'I use my device to cast a spell' seems appropriate.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  7. - Top - End - #997
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *no, hellguns with slings are not "man-sized fishing rods".
    **heavy bolters and magnetic extenders are not "post-human-sized fishing rods".
    ***... what's the deal with this party and mcgyvering with their gun slings, anyway?

    *no more blaming the dice to justify gross incompetence.
    **even if it's to open the way for the party face to rock.
    ***especially then!

    *wedgies are not considered "advanced interrogation techniques".
    **wedgies are not considered "advanced medical assistance".
    ***wedgies cannot replace cpr!
    ****no more justifying giving wedgies to mooks.
    *****or teammates.
    ******or personnel.

    *if the laws of physics are taking me to court for assault and battery, i can't defend myself by saying "the dice made me do it!"
    **even if it's true.
    ***no preemptively bribing judges just in case.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  8. - Top - End - #998
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *I must stop referring to Valentine's Day exclusively as "Try to Give Your Lover Diabetes Day"
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  9. - Top - End - #999
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    * If my half orc is wearing a tailored suit, has a 15 Intelligence, 15 Charisma, the wizard class, and the noble background, I am expected to speak words of more than one syllable.
    ** 'Grog not speak man tongue well' is not a valid excuse.
    Actual quote from a half-orc ranger I played for years:

    "Chondathan my third language. How good your Orcish?"

    I was constantly amazed by how often even the other members of the party forgot that I wasn't dumb (12 Int, 14 Wis) just because I spoke the party's common language badly. Especially when none of them spoke my native language at all.
    Play your character, not your alignment.

  10. - Top - End - #1000
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by John Campbell View Post
    Actual quote from a half-orc ranger I played for years:

    "Chondathan my third language. How good your Orcish?"

    I was constantly amazed by how often even the other members of the party forgot that I wasn't dumb (12 Int, 14 Wis) just because I spoke the party's common language badly. Especially when none of them spoke my native language at all.
    The reason I like the monosyllabic trait it's that out takes a LOT of effort to pull of and can require a quite good grasp of English.

    Interestingly my character is also likely going to be speaking his third language during the game, although class and race might change due to party composition. I do plan to flub words and say the wrong thing occasionally, as well as using an atrocious accent (I'm thinking going west country, just for the giggles). When speaking in my character's native tongue (which is going to be the world's equivalent of Arabic, as my character is middle eastern) I'll use my native accent.

    * Even if I have the prestidigitation and mending cantrips I am expected to wear something that isn't expensive silks.

    * My motivation for studying transmutation magic/devoting myself to a deity was not to try to find a permanent sex change spell.
    ** I cannot make the GM wonder why she let me make a transgender character.
    Last edited by Anonymouswizard; 2018-02-14 at 07:41 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #1001
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *The phrase "What do you mean I don't get to bake my own wedding cake?" should not be accompanied by an intimidation roll.
    **Especially not if you roll a nat 20.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  12. - Top - End - #1002
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    *if the laws of physics are taking me to court for assault and battery, i can't defend myself by saying "the dice made me do it!"
    **even if it's true.
    ***no preemptively bribing judges just in case.
    ****Using the Giant Boot will result in being held in contempt of court
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
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    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  13. - Top - End - #1003
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    ****Using the Giant Boot will result in being held in contempt of court
    pff, you don't know my dm's. it ain't contempt of court if it's being "strangled by the court!!"
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  14. - Top - End - #1004
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    pff, you don't know my dm's. it ain't contempt of court if it's being "strangled by the court!!"
    As a new DM, I personally wouldn't strangle anyone before first holding them in contempt, but I guess the more experienced DM knows best.
    Last edited by Personification; 2018-02-15 at 10:58 PM.
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job
    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too
    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    I have joined the ranks of the FFRPeople Here is my character.

    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  15. - Top - End - #1005
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * The language of Djinn is not Tohnic.
    ** It is not my Genasi's native language either.

    * I must stop referring to Bahamut as 'the great fish'.
    ** He is not having a whale of a time.

    * Scimitars are meant for two weapon fighting, not dueling. That's why they deal 1d6 damage and have the light tag.
    ** Cannot blame it on WotC not providing separate sabre stats.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  16. - Top - End - #1006
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    As a new DM, I personally wouldn't strangle anyone before first holding them in contempt, but I guess the more experienced DM knows best.
    you blindsided me with that play on words. awesome.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    * The language of Djinn is not Tohnic.
    ** It is not my Genasi's native language either.

    * I must stop referring to Bahamut as 'the great fish'.
    ** He is not having a whale of a time.

    * Scimitars are meant for two weapon fighting, not dueling. That's why they deal 1d6 damage and have the light tag.
    ** Cannot blame it on WotC not providing separate sabre stats.
    *groan* why do i chuckle at those puns?!

    if it helps, let's start a support group for saber duelists who think rapiers are overrated. i struggled alongside my dm to get a saber that acted just like a rapier. the closest we came to was finding the dueling sword in pathfinder, which is just a longsword that can do power attacks and finesse if you have the exotic proficiency. we ended up reskinning a rapier and calling it an officer's saber, based on historical french and english infantry sabers. they're rapiers that can somewhat do slashing attacks. annoying, isn't it?
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  17. - Top - End - #1007
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    * Scimitars are meant for two weapon fighting, not dueling. That's why they deal 1d6 damage and have the light tag.
    ** Cannot blame it on WotC not providing separate sabre stats.
    *** Cannot brag that TSR did! Provide stats for the sabre, I mean. 2E Complete Fighter's Handbook, 2E Arms and Equipment Guide, and "2.5E" PO: Combat and Tactics
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  18. - Top - End - #1008
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    *wedgies are not considered "advanced interrogation techniques".
    **wedgies are not considered "advanced medical assistance".
    ***wedgies cannot replace cpr!
    ****no more justifying giving wedgies to mooks.
    *****or teammates.
    ******or personnel.
    *******or the other players
    ********aaaahw stop that crap ouch stupid ah dammit I'll get you for that... - the DM
    The Hindsight Awards, results: See the best movies of 1999!

  19. - Top - End - #1009
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    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    *******or the other players
    ********aaaahw stop that crap ouch stupid ah dammit I'll get you for that... - the DM
    to think it all started with a botched intimidation roll... then a botched medicae roll... then a successful medicae roll...

    although, to be fair, if you've worn a climbing harness before, you kinda have to appreciate how wedgies save lives... in a painful-to-the-nether-regions way. but i'd rather have a sore rear end than a flat and liquid full-body collision.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  20. - Top - End - #1010
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    *groan* why do i chuckle at those puns?!

    if it helps, let's start a support group for saber duelists who think rapiers are overrated. i struggled alongside my dm to get a saber that acted just like a rapier. the closest we came to was finding the dueling sword in pathfinder, which is just a longsword that can do power attacks and finesse if you have the exotic proficiency. we ended up reskinning a rapier and calling it an officer's saber, based on historical french and english infantry sabers. they're rapiers that can somewhat do slashing attacks. annoying, isn't it?
    Yeah, this is 5e so a sabre would probably be a rapier, but with slashing damage!

    I like sabres, in fact I like almost all curved cutting swords. I suppose I could refluff my character to use a scimitar as they're supposed to be middle eastern, but I prefer the design I associate with sabres more. It's one of those reflections of modern D&D having a technology that grabs from several related time periods (from the 'Dark Ages' to the Renaissance) instead of basing their technology on one.

    It's the weakness of using specific weapons but not providing a decent construction system. If GMs aren't okay with houserules then you'll end up having to refluff weapons that are just slightly wrong. This is why I like weapon categories, you take a dueling weapon, or a polearm, or paired weapons, and fluff to your heart's content.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Torath View Post
    *** Cannot brag that TSR did! Provide stats for the sabre, I mean. 2E Complete Fighter's Handbook, 2E Arms and Equipment Guide, and "2.5E" PO: Combat and Tactics
    Yeah, I'd honestly be surprised if TSR never provided the stats for one, considering how many polearms they had.
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    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  21. - Top - End - #1011
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *can't wander off whistling nonchallantly and just say "i'm gonna go have a few drinks with my buddy" when in fact i'm about to beg the admiral for a battalion of stormtroopers.
    **can't answer "hold my beer" to the admiral after he asks an impossible task.

    *starting tomato fights in taverns? bad idea.

    *there's no such thing as a kill-to-gp ratio.
    **despite half the team arguing in favor of it.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  22. - Top - End - #1012
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * Cannot suggest attack the peasant village for XP.
    ** Isn't my character supposed to be lawful?

    * May not set fire to party members.
    ** Especially to use as makeshift lanterns.
    *** The fact the rest of the players haven't read the Player's Handbook is not an excuse to pretend I don't have darkvision.
    **** Even if this pixie is more annoying than Puck.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  23. - Top - End - #1013
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    *I can't use Hellfire to heat up my cocoa.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  24. - Top - End - #1014
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * May not rob the spirits of the dead before they pay the ferryman.
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    * May not rob the spirits of the dead before they pay the ferryman.
    Nor may I rob the ferryman.
    I also answer to Bookmark and Shadow Claw.

    Read my fanfiction here. Homebrew Material Here Rater Reads the Hobbit and Dracula
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    Spoiler: Ode To Meteors, By zimmerwald
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimmerwald1915 View Post
    Meteor
    You are a meteor
    Falling star
    You soar your
    Way down the air
    To the floor
    Where my other
    Rocks
    Are.

  26. - Top - End - #1016
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Rater202 View Post
    Nor may I rob the ferryman.
    ***Setting up as a competitor is right out.


  27. - Top - End - #1017
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    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    * May not quit adventuring because becoming a bartender gives more combat prowess.
    Snazzy avatar (now back! ) by Honest Tiefling.

    RIP Laser-Snail, may you live on in our hearts forever.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  28. - Top - End - #1018
    Troll in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Below sea level
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    When asked by my DM wether his insanity and illusion infested dungeon is appropriate for the party, I may not:
    *claim that more insanity is more better
    **give my DM ideas to introduce double, triple and quadruple bluffs to really screw over the party
    ***I should really stop screwing over my own party like this
    ****This is why Gno Gnomes was a rule in the first place...
    Warlock Poetry?
    Or ways to use me in game?
    Better grab a drink...

    Currently ruining Strahd's day - Avatar by the Outstanding Smuchsmuch

    First Ordained Jr. Tormlet by LoyalPaladin

  29. - Top - End - #1019
    Dwarf in the Playground
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Netherlands
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    When playing Dark Heresy 2nd ed:
    * I must not complain about enemies being too weak
    * I must not ask for xenos as enemies
    * I must not ask for daemons as enemis
    * I must not ask for Daemon Space Marines (multiple) as enemies.
    Extended Signature with Homebrew for 5e

    All my homebrew is open for use or playtests for everyone. If used or playtested, i would LOVE to hear what you find of it!

  30. - Top - End - #1020
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Default Re: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by RakiReborn View Post
    When playing Dark Heresy 2nd ed:
    * I must not complain about enemies being too weak
    * I must not ask for xenos as enemies
    * I must not ask for daemons as enemis
    * I must not ask for Daemon Space Marines (multiple) as enemies.
    ...multiple Daemon Astartes? What the hell kind of total murdermonster were you?

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