Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Rater202]

*My mad geneticist can't use the eternal's Deviant Gene and Cosmic Rays to serve as a buffer mutation to combine Mutant and Inhuman DNA into a new race more powerful than either parent subspecies.
**Look, I know that 'Freak' fits the Mutant-Deviant-Inhuman naming scheme, but seriously try to be more creative.

[Anonymouswizard]

*My mad geneticist can't use the eternal's Deviant Gene and Cosmic Rays to serve as a buffer mutation to combine Mutant and Inhuman DNA into a new race more powerful than either parent subspecies.
**Look, I know that 'Freak' fits the Mutant-Deviant-Inhuman naming scheme, but seriously try to be more creative.

One of the best characters I've ever seen in fiction (actually from a game, but I'm more familiar with their novel appearance) went by 'The Freak', and it was pointed out that their current personality was so different to the one they used to have that they didn't want to use their own name (and pretty much nobody knows it anyway). Very creepy, with an uncommonly powerful combination of powers at a level where they were essentially in the 'organisation' tier of power. Unfortunately the fluff for third edition is stupid and has the character become much less creepy (they lost the rasping voice and the chains) and is using a silly name, which is a shame as the creepiness was a much more competent part of the character than the weirdness.

[TheYell]

I may not use Thaumaturgy to generate an angelic choir singing barbershop harmony.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My class is Paladin, not 'Social Justice Warrior'.

[Rockphed]

* My class is Paladin, not 'Social Justice Warrior'.

** I may not create a 'Social Justice Warrior' class.
*** A 'Fair Civilization Samurai' is right out.
**** I am no longer allowed a thesaurus.

[Brookshw]

* Not allowed to play a human Alchemist raised by Gnomes. Especially if Pathfinder allows it.

** May play a human alchemically raised by Gnomes
***Provided my PH is not overtly acidic
****Provided that my state is primarily solid for all intents and purposes.

[Flyingbooks42]

These are from an adventurer's league game around 1 year and 3 months ago
*After we defeat the kobolds, my friend's character is not allowed to start a kobold body part collection
**If they do, my wizard with the flaw "Most people scream and run when they see a demon. I
stop and take notes on its anatomy." can not start writing a book on kobold anatomy
*The koobolds may not throw green goo and miss
**If they do miss, they are not allowed to throw a centipede out of a bottle and have it miss the characters and hit the green goo
***If that does happen, they are not allowed to throw a scorpion out of a bottle and have it miss the characters and hit the green goo
****The green goo is not sentient
*****The green goo is not a baby being bottle-fed
******The green goo is not a zoo
*******The green goo is especially not a petting zoo

[Spore]

** May play a human alchemically raised by Gnomes
***Provided my PH is not overtly acidic
****Provided that my state is primarily solid for all intents and purposes.

* You may NOT play a Non-Newtonian fluid.

I may not use Thaumaturgy to generate an angelic choir singing barbershop harmony.

Why not though?

[DeTess]

(DnD 5e)
*When needing to get out of a body of water while being flanked by a pair of giant octopi, the correct response is to disengage and walk away, not to grapple the octopi before they grapple me and drag them out of the aquarium with me.
**If I do drag the octopi out, I should not then try to use them like God of War's Blades of Chaos.
***Yes, you have the strength for it. yes, they're giant octopi. No, they still count as improvised weapons doing 1d4 damage per hit.

*When facing a lich, the usual responses are 'kill it', 'run away' or 'grovel in fear'.
**Not 'ask him nicely for some items to help you fight a mind-controlling dragon'.
***Nor 'ask him to also bankroll your army for fighting that dragon's army'.
**** It's definitely not 'Recommend he has a good talk with his wife, as the current state of their marriage is pretty wonky at best, but it can be salvaged with a good talk and some mutual compromises'.
*****'Can we hire you to design and decorate our mansions when all this is over?' is right out.

[Socratov]

Let's be real, here. The bard would have done that anyway.

I once played an Exalted Pacifist Diplo-Bard. The party munchkin asked me to stop pacifying all the encounters into non-existence.

[Anonymouswizard]

I once played an Exalted Pacifist Diplo-Bard. The party munchkin asked me to stop pacifying all the encounters into non-existence.

At least it's better than the Exalted Pacifist Seducto-Bards. Although it's hard to tell the difference, the trick is to see if they have any other modes of social interaction.

[Socratov]

At least it's better than the Exalted Pacifist Seducto-Bards. Although it's hard to tell the difference, the trick is to see if they have any other modes of social interaction.

Well, one should always have a fallback...

[Anonymouswizard]

* Bards are not fertile with all creatures.
** They are not the origin of every half-X in existence.

[Rockphed]

* Bards are not fertile with all creatures.
** They are not the origin of every half-X in existence.

I swear there is a comic where a rock-thing is running up to a guilty bard.

[dmteeter]

*The BBEG may no longer be proficient in Throw (Kitchen sink).
** He may also not have a refluffed fireball spell called "Kitchen sink"
*** If the BBEG ends up being a monstrous sized Sentient kitchen sink the players are going home
****What's your obsession with the kitchen sink??

[Lord Torath]

I swear there is a comic where a rock-thing is running up to a guilty bard.

Probably something by Fredrik K T Andersson

[Anonymouswizard]

*The BBEG may no longer be proficient in Throw (Kitchen sink).
** He may also not have a refluffed fireball spell called "Kitchen sink"
*** If the BBEG ends up being a monstrous sized Sentient kitchen sink the players are going home
****What's your obsession with the kitchen sink??

Well, at this point it is the only thing to not have published D&D stats #explainingthejoke #totallynotsorryforit

* Making a character designed around the GM's fetish does not give me a bonus to the Appearance stat.
** Or the Sex Appeal skill.

[Spore]

I swear there is a comic where a rock-thing is running up to a guilty bard.

Probably something by Fredrik K T Andersson

Correct: https://static1.fjcdn.com/comments/P...482b1973e6.jpg

[Rater202]

The Grandson of a Half-Elf, a Half-Goblin, a Half-Giant, and a Half-Veela is a human.

[Personification]

The Grandson of a Half-Elf, a Half-Goblin, a Half-Giant, and a Half-Veela is a human halfling.

I think this is what you meant.

[Rater202]

*When adventuring in the Marvel Universe, I may not tell, ask, or, demand, or request that Namor the Submariner put on some god damn pants.
**Not even if I ask nicely.
***Not even if I'm lightning proof.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Yes, I can take an identity of 'Insanely Rich'.
** Yes, 'effectively infinite bank account' can be a unique feature.
*** No, I cannot use it to buy attack helicopters at a moment's notice.
**** Or tanks.
***** I can, however, use it to outfit any tanks I own with BVs.
****** I do not own any tanks.
******* If I drive a tank into the middle of a riot I am not to open the hatch and start giving out free cups of Earl Grey.
******** Yes, it is my fault the rioters now have a tank.
********* If I wanted to get away with it I should have taken 'protection from lawyers.

[LordCdrMilitant]

* Yes, I can take an identity of 'Insanely Rich'.
** Yes, 'effectively infinite bank account' can be a unique feature.
*** No, I cannot use it to buy attack helicopters at a moment's notice.
**** Or tanks.
***** I can, however, use it to outfit any tanks I own with BVs.
****** I do not own any tanks.
******* If I drive a tank into the middle of a riot I am not to open the hatch and start giving out free cups of Earl Grey.
******** Yes, it is my fault the rioters now have a tank.
********* If I wanted to get away with it I should have taken 'protection from lawyers.

You don't have to be filthy rich to buy a tank. They're not that expensive. The real question is though, if you're buying a tank and you're not filthy rich, what are you planning to do with it?

*Orbital kinetic projectiles are classified as weapons of mass destruction in this universe, you may not buy them at space!Home Depot
**Just because you already have a nuke doesn't make it okay for you to buy more WMD's.
***The Mars Federation Navy will not give you a tungsten rod in exchange for your nuke.

[Anonymouswizard]

You don't have to be filthy rich to buy a tank. They're not that expensive. The real question is though, if you're buying a tank and you're not filthy rich, what are you planning to do with it?

It's more to do with breaking setting (even the canon 'rich executive leading a cult' character doesn't do it), not that it matters since we've settled on me as the GM.

* The PCs cannot be introduced to the supernatural via a drunkard appearing and waking up in front of them.
** Getting hit by a bus is not a magical attack, and I cannot give it to any NPCs.
*** Just because the rules let me give somebody a meme-based school of magic isn't a valid reason to do so.

[LordCdrMilitant]

It's more to do with breaking setting (even the canon 'rich executive leading a cult' character doesn't do it), not that it matters since we've settled on me as the GM.

* The PCs cannot be introduced to the supernatural via a drunkard appearing and waking up in front of them.
** Getting hit by a bus is not a magical attack, and I cannot give it to any NPCs.
*** Just because the rules let me give somebody a meme-based school of magic isn't a valid reason to do so.

I've put more thought than I should into buying a tank, IRL. A tank is certainly very expensive, but not unattainably so.

The key stumbling block isn't buying the tank itself, it's "once I have a tank, what am I going to do with it?" There's not really a whole lot you can do with a tank, except park it in your front yard and wait for the HoA to complain about it.

[noob]

I've put more thought than I should into buying a tank, IRL. A tank is certainly very expensive, but not unattainably so.

The key stumbling block isn't buying the tank itself, it's "once I have a tank, what am I going to do with it?" There's not really a whole lot you can do with a tank, except park it in your front yard and wait for the HoA to complain about it.

Unless you are a general of the army in which case the tank stays close to some barraks and you will get to order someone to use it if there is a war in which that asset helps
*The existence of an adventuring team is not an immediate declaration of war between the adventurers and the entire multiverse.
**My characters can not proceed to punch themselves under the pretext the entire multiverse is at war with them with no exception not even themselves.

[Rockphed]

I've put more thought than I should into buying a tank, IRL. A tank is certainly very expensive, but not unattainably so.

The key stumbling block isn't buying the tank itself, it's "once I have a tank, what am I going to do with it?" There's not really a whole lot you can do with a tank, except park it in your front yard and wait for the HoA to complain about it.

* I may not make plans that include "Crush the puny HOA with a tank"
** I am now banned from living in neighborhoods that might ever have a HOA
*** While a tank might be more useful in a large slum dominated by gang wars, it is also harder to hide and more likely to get stolen.
**** Tanks are not implements of urban renewal.

[Rater202]

*I can't go out of my way to make my Magical Girl function as a living Tank.
**especially if I'm going for the tank aesthetic.

[PastorofMuppets]

~The Endor Teddy Bear company is not ok.

~Dwarves do not need alcohol to function.

~dwarves on stilts don’t get a move speed bonus just by being human height for once

~ halflings can’t grow up to be dwarves

~ Arrogance is not an elven racial bonus

~ my character race is Human not Plain Vanilla

[John Campbell]

~Dwarves do not need alcohol to function

Dwarf Fortress has taught me otherwise.

** My dwarven crafter mage may not craft magic items that menace with spikes of anything.
*** Nor may my magic items have infinitely recursive pictures of themselves on them.