Finding a giant in a cave.

[Grizl' Bjorn]

One of my groups gets a little silly sometimes.

DM, unbenknowst to the players, rolls on a random table to add flavour to a cavern we're in. He rolls that there is a petrified giant on the cavern floor.

Player asks the DM if the giant might be considered handsome. DM thinks for a moment and says yes.

Player rolls for seduction on the petrified giant, gets a Nat 20. DM doesn't know what to do so says 'Well he does look very hard I suppose'.

Player decides that the priority in this situation is to unpetrify the giant. Other players are happy to go along because we've honestly forgotten why we're in the cavern. We start with a few restoration spells, all to no effect. DM tells us that the giant seems to be naturally fossilized, not magically petrified.

Party has a 2E mirror of scrying that can look back in time if you stand in the right place and specify the time you would like to look at. Player declares intention to look for the moment the stone giant died. DM says 'How the hell are you going to find out when the giant died to look'.

Player smiles 'I would like to look at this location 10,000 years ago, is the giant there?'

DM 'No'

Player 'I would like to look at the cavern five thousand years ago, is the giant there?'

DM 'Yes'

Player 'Then I would like to look at the cavern 7500 years ago, is the giant there?

DM 'No'

Player '6250'

The player explains how using this method it's possible to get exponentially more accurate and assuming one question every six seconds, reach the exact moment within a few minutes.

We find out how the giant died (Black dragon). Player suggests that we go on a quest to find a way to resurrect something that's been dead that long so he can attempt to seduce it. Other players, including me, agree since as a party we're basically just killing time. Our DM has given up fighting, and finding the situation hiliarious agrees to plot something out.

Possibly more on this story as it develops.

[Dappershire]

Can't wait for you guys to succeed. Then roll for initiative as the seduction fails, and the giant smashes you all.

[Grizl' Bjorn]

We figured out it was good aligned giant, so should be safe on that front?

[Yora]

At this point it's really too late to stop, regardless of what bad things could happen.

[Dappershire]

Yeah, totes. Unless he's reeeeally hungry.

How did your magic mirror give alignment away anyways? Your smitten player scry stalking it through history?

[JNAProductions]

This seems like a good idea.

Because it sounds like fun, and D&D is about fun.

Keep us updated!

[LibraryOgre]

This has the makings of a glorious trainwreck of an adventure. I approve.

[Cealocanth]

Better plan: Use a combination of necromancy and golemancy to raise the petrified giant from the dead and have the petrified giant join the party as an NPC. Then seduce it. Call in a favor from a local wizard if necessary.

[Dappershire]

Better plan: Use a combination of necromancy and golemancy to raise the petrified giant from the dead and have the petrified giant join the party as an NPC. Then seduce it. Call in a favor from a local wizard if necessary.

What crazy bastard do you play with that specializes in -both- brainless minion HP puppet magic arts? Necromancy and Golemancy seems redundant, and a drain on otherwise useful spell slots.

"Ok, so I attack with my three zombies. Yes, just three. No, no buffs. But they are wearing Helmed Horrors as heavy armor. See, here's my spell sheet."

[gkathellar]

And this, gentlemen, is how you run a sandbox game.

[GungHo]

Player rolls for seduction on the petrified giant, gets a Nat 20. DM doesn't know what to do so says 'Well he does look very hard I suppose'.

Seinfeld theater meme.gif.

[SirBellias]

Bravo! When I do things like this, my players don't usually have enough drive to develop any goals that span multiple sessions. I'd love to hear more!

[souridealist]

You know, I've heard rock-hard before, but that does not sound appealing.

Good luck! I think the party gets first dibs on all best man / maid of honor / godparent roles, should any become necessary.

("Ooh, this is awkward. Thank you for waking me up, but honestly I took a vow of celibacy a while back...")

[Knaight]

Party has a 2E mirror of scrying that can look back in time if you stand in the right place and specify the time you would like to look at. Player declares intention to look for the moment the stone giant died. DM says 'How the hell are you going to find out when the giant died to look'.

Player smiles 'I would like to look at this location 10,000 years ago, is the giant there?'

DM 'No'

Player 'I would like to look at the cavern five thousand years ago, is the giant there?'

DM 'Yes'

Player 'Then I would like to look at the cavern 7500 years ago, is the giant there?

DM 'No'

Player '6250'

The player explains how using this method it's possible to get exponentially more accurate and assuming one question every six seconds, reach the exact moment within a few minutes.

It's a pretty standard method, and actually can be improved not-insignificantly with a pretty minor alteration. I will say that writing the code for the latter sucked significantly more than the former though.