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  1. - Top - End - #691
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    DwarfClericGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    DM: The famed establishment is run by a Rakshasa.

    Wizard: Word to my tigger.

    Fighter: Dude you can't say that. That's their word.

  2. - Top - End - #692
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    GM: "A giant disembodied hand reaches through a tear in the fabric of reality, pulls Phil in, and then messily sews up the tear."
    Party: *stunned silence at what they witnessed*
    Digo: "Huh. Didn't know Phil had an ex-wife."

    Chris: *catatonic with his mouth hanging open*
    Digo: *Wipes the droll from his lip with a napkin*
    Nick: *Pulls the string on his back* "They wizard says..."

    GM: "The magical power involved was above 9th level, if such a thing is even possible."
    Chris: "IT'S OVER NINE LEVELS!!"

    Digo: "Inter-dimensional physics is over my pay grade."

    Mel: "Poor Phil, torn apart by that creature."
    GM: "He was whole when he went into the rift."
    Nick: "So is a fun-sized Snickers bar when you pop it into your mouth."

    Phil: "AAAAAHHHHHhhh--" *slams into the ground* "I've been falling for thirty minutes!!"
    Nick: "Phil, you're back!"

    Nick: "You have a unicorn that is so large, you're transporting her on the flatbed of an 18-wheeler? And she's reading a book?"
    Chris: "So where'd did you get a book that big?"
    Digo: "Instruction manual to the iPhone X."

    Nick: "Can we identify them?"
    GM: "Well you would neeeeed... um..."
    Nick: "The end of that sentence."

    Digo: "So the Dwarven caravan doesn't have any rangers?"
    Nick: "They're not tree huggers, they're rock huggers."
    Digo: "I can hug a rock if I want to."

    Dwarf Priestess: "What was the most formidable fore you've faced?"
    Nick: "A giant poisonous frost snake."
    Dwarf: "Do you have a trophy from it?"
    Digo: *holds up a trophy of Buddha that reads 'Nick - World's greatest monk'."

    GM: "It would take a significant threat to bother the caravan of dwarves."
    Digo: "Like Mordor."

    GM: "And Calvin finishes the day in the box."

    Nick: "Holy crap, it's like 27 mules combined to form Muletron."
    Chris: "Muletron, defender of the universe."
    Digo: "Form, blazing carrot!"

    Dragon: "From what I know, the city's coffers are not vast nor deep."
    Chris: "We were so underpaid for what we cleared out of their sewers."
    Digo: "which was vast and deep."

    Nick: "What happens in Astral space, stays in Astral space."
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-12-03 at 08:31 AM.
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  3. - Top - End - #693
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    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    necron: sooooo, what are you?
    raymond: obviously not paid enough to deal with this.
    ross: i like how he thinks!

    jace: do i look like a demolition expert to you?!
    dagonet ooc: to be fair, you've survived every single explosion unscathed. you're the most qualified of the entire team!

    necron: help me bring back my dynasty online and i will make you my vassals.
    dagonet: ooooooh, potential advancement in society! i like it!
    raymond and jace: that's... *whisper*heresy!!
    lux: i'd be fine with the metal body! my butt would be safe!
    ross: nope, that innuendo is too obvious.
    dm: aww, come on! you guys write your own jokes too well! leave me some!
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  4. - Top - End - #694
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    DM:"You hear howling sounds coming from the underbrush"
    Dido:"Eek! A werewolf!"
    DM:"The howling somehow seems to be coming from all directions around you."
    Dido:"Eek! A werewolf with a home theatre system!"

    DM:"An arrow flies from behind a bend in the path and (roll) strikes Dido straight in the chest."
    Dido:"It's an amboob! Er, ambush!"

    Dido:"No way, I don't want to die sober!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-12-03 at 06:22 PM.

  5. - Top - End - #695
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    LordCdrMilitant's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    necron: sooooo, what are you?
    raymond: obviously not paid enough to deal with this.
    ross: i like how he thinks!

    jace: do i look like a demolition expert to you?!
    dagonet ooc: to be fair, you've survived every single explosion unscathed. you're the most qualified of the entire team!

    necron: help me bring back my dynasty online and i will make you my vassals.
    dagonet: ooooooh, potential advancement in society! i like it!
    raymond and jace: that's... *whisper*heresy!!
    lux: i'd be fine with the metal body! my butt would be safe!
    ross: nope, that innuendo is too obvious.
    dm: aww, come on! you guys write your own jokes too well! leave me some!

    In a similar vein:

    Me, on the party Techpriest's continuous offering of cybernetics to other party members: "You are suffering from a pre-existing condition known as 'Being a Meatbag.' Fortunately, it's treatable."

    Legacy character Arbitrator, returned as an NPC: "I'd rather be thrown out an airlock than talk to you. Believe me, I know what that entails."

    Me: "When did Inquisitor Constantina become 'Mom'?"
    Party: "A long time ago."

    Me: "'Mooooom! The Ordo Hereticus won't share their toys! Make them share!'"

    Psyker: "I'm afraid that there's going to be nothing here, just one lost lonely rhoomba."

    Party: "Necrons are not scary because they're slow. Except for Wraiths, because Wraiths are fast."
    Last edited by LordCdrMilitant; 2017-12-03 at 07:09 PM.
    Guardsmen, hear me! Cadia may lie in ruin, but her proud people do not! For each brother and sister who gave their lives to Him as martyrs, we will reap a vengeance fiftyfold! Cadia may be no more, but will never be forgotten; our foes shall tremble in fear at the name, for their doom shall come from the barrels of Cadian guns, fired by Cadian hands! Forward, for vengeance and retribution, in His name and the names of our fallen comrades!

  6. - Top - End - #696
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    My personal favorite:
    "How was I supposed to know they would weaponize the chickens!?"

    A few honourable mentions:
    *Whole group arguing about best strategy for fighting npcs*
    "Guys, guys. I can be fascinating."

    "Are you alive or are you a Dandalf?"


    Elf Alchemist: "I AM A FISH!"
    Last edited by Dornith; 2017-12-03 at 09:56 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #697
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Brune: "Alright, everyone be careful, we don't know what kind of traps are down here."
    DM: *rolls dice* Click.
    Rugar: ...who is it?
    DM: *more dice* Wizard go down the hoooole.

    DM: As you round the corner, you come face-to-face with a very big, red, angry looking creature decked out in spikes and horns with two lethery wings on it's back. The faint smell of brimstone wafts from it as it turns to face you, staring intently with glowing crimson eyes.
    Laurence: Is that a Balor?
    Balor (in the voice of Snagglepuss): "Oh, uh, uh my. An intruder. Oh, the master will be so displeased. Are you going to try and fight me?"
    Laurence: "Um...no?"
    Balor: "Oh good. I was worried I was going to have to hurt you. But we can't just have you just wandering around. Oh, what to do, what to do?"

    *LATER*

    Balor: "I hope the ropes aren't too tight."
    Laurence: "Nah, I'm good. The bow was a nice touch."
    Balor: "Ok, you can wait for the master in here. Oh, hold on, I'll be right back."
    *leaves and returns with an overstuffed armchair*
    Balor: "Here, let me make you comfortable."
    Laurence: "...thanks?"
    Balor: "The master is out right now, but I'll send him down when he gets back. Oh, before I forget..."
    *leaves and returns with a small table and a tea set*
    Balor: "Here's something for you while you wait. I hope you don't mind camomile."
    Laurence: "Uh, no?"
    Balor: "Sugar?"
    Laurence: "Sure?"
    Balor: "One lump or two?"
    Laurence: "Two please."
    Balor: "Here you go. Oh, and here's a straw since you're all tied up."
    Laurence: "You are the nicest Balor I have ever met."

    Brune: Do I hear anything unusual?
    DM: *rolls dice* Echoing down the hallway, you hear: pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop, pop-pop....
    Brune: "IT'S AFTER ME!" *leaps into Rugar's arms*

    Dalilah: "I would have never guessed there'd be a day when I see a Balor dusting bookshelves in a pink apron."

    Arch Wizard Izzega the Odd: "Ah, I see you've met Francis."
    Dalilah: "His name is Francis?"
    Francis: "Would anyone like some crumpets?"

    Rugar: "Is something burning?"
    Francis: *gasps* "My Spinach Puffs!"
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  8. - Top - End - #698
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    (An arrow is sticking out of Dido's chest)
    Dido:"Alright Alex, I want you to do one simple thing. Grab...and on a count of three, PULL!"
    Alex:"Okay...on-THREE!"
    (A mercifully aced Heal check prevents damage and pain)
    Dido:"...huh."
    DM:"Please don't say anything like..."
    Dido:"It hurt way more on the way in."
    DM:"That."

  9. - Top - End - #699
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Personification's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dornith View Post
    "How was I supposed to know they would weaponize the chickens!?"
    This is a reaction, not a quote, also, very minor spoilers for Oathbringer, by Brandon Sanderson:
    Spoiler: undefined
    Show
    I know right, stupid Ghostbloods with their stupid worldhopping Aviar!
    Stop using good evidence and logic that makes sense to refute points, that's my job

    Lots of people seem to use blue for sarcasm, I decided I should too

    Quote Originally Posted by nabcif View Post
    Nitpick: I believe you'll find that only our heads explode. Page 43 of Book of Pedantic Forumites, if memory serves.
    Thank you to Linkele for creating my avatar!

  10. - Top - End - #700
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Brazen: “Let's see if we can replace that emotion with another.”
    Rose: “Can it be grenade? Rose will totally write a clinical paper making grenade an emotion right now.”

    Brazen: “Anybody got a sleep grenade?”
    Rose: “Rose didn't bring any grenades to this mission. She was told she was defending the castle, not occupying it.”

    Twilight Sparkle: “I know what I need to do. I need to turn myself in for 103 counts of murder. And I need a new ice-pack.”

    GM: “Twilight chuckles awkwardly. It’s hard to make casual conversation when a pony is rubbing your flank, no matter the reason.”

    Love: “Are you saying PinkRose or LovePie? Which one did you see coming? Wait! The greatest ship. PinkScope. They are so similar.”
    GM: “… … …”
    Sniper: “I can't tell if you broke his brain or if he's actually considering that possibility.”

    Rose: “I think so Sniper, but where are we gonna find an alicorn baby at this hour?”
    GM: “Well! You got closer to that base with Twilight than anyone else on the team, Rose. You touched her butt.”

    Caps Lock: “You're right. You don't need a reason. And you're not getting one. I'll be a mystery to my grave! My grave, you hear me? And then, I will haunt your computer! Whooo! Ghost pegasus. Soooo spooky.”

    Rose: “Guys, put the guns down. Not that kind of diplomacy.”

    Rose: “I need to tell Brazen later not to tell prisoners that you slept through part of an invasion.”
    Brazen: “In my defense, I was subliminally letting them know how badass I am by coming down here half asleep and laying waste to a mech. And still managing to get in a mare in the process.”
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  11. - Top - End - #701
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    " Yah'see, the problem with your revenge is that it gets in the way of you keeping up with pop culture. Which, right now, would be telling you why trapping a time-manipulator in a timeless place doesn't really work like that. To quote: 'Dormammu, I've come to bargain'. "
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  12. - Top - End - #702
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    raymond: when all you've got is a hammer...
    dm: or in this case hellguns and tube charges...
    raymond: ... everything starts to look dead.
    dagonet: ah, the subtlety of the imperial guard...

    jace: praise the emperor!!
    dm: *discreet cough*
    jace: ... as the coolest guy ever! *whispers* hope the ordo hereticus didn't misinterpret that.
    raymond: see, that's why i pray to saints. the ecclesiarchy and the emperor didn't say anything about those.
    dm: you pray half the time to the patron saint of the imperial guard!
    raymond: and my damage rolls confirm that as the wisest course of action!

    *huge explosion*
    jace: i'm alive?! praise be to the immortal emperor! the emperor protects!!
    raymond: "the emperor protects the pious" is the full saying, you know?
    jace: that doesn't explain one bit the continued survival of dag'. his will really does work in mysterious ways...
    dagonet: i'm calling cosmic joke, personally.

    Spoiler: context
    Show
    our game is set just after the emperor has awoken... not canon by any means, but not a stretch. big e himself told off the ecclesiarchy and has replaced the imperial religion with a perfectly atheistic cult of personality (ie, the same thing but different). the hardest hit to adapt have been the clergy, obviously.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  13. - Top - End - #703
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRogueGirl

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "We're going to lock him in the closet and feed him 3 square meals a day."
    Quote Originally Posted by Venger View Post
    are you asking us to do research into a setting you wrote yourself?

  14. - Top - End - #704
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Brazen: “Anybody got a sleep grenade?”
    Rose: “Rose didn't bring any grenades to this mission. She was told she was defending the castle, not occupying it.”
    Why does this remind me of a previous quote about a van in a Shadowrun game?
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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    Races of Wake

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    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  15. - Top - End - #705
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    Calmer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Isaac: Did you know that the dwarves have a beach resort?
    Charm: Is that where you got the Hawaiian shirt?
    Isaac: And the aviator shades. I look like I came from 1980s Miami.

    DM: She gives you her scrying number.
    Isaac: I sincerely hope I never see you again.

    Isaac (through a letter): "Eat a ****, you self-aggrandizing, sanctimonious piece of garbage. Love, Charm."

    Isaac: I slap him in the face with the wing.

    Isaac: We can't kill unconscious goblins. That would be wrong.
    Kres: Thank you.
    Isaac: At least let them wake up first.
    Kres: No!

  16. - Top - End - #706
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Calmer View Post
    Isaac: Did you know that the dwarves have a beach resort?
    Charm: Is that where you got the Hawaiian shirt?
    Isaac: And the aviator shades. I look like I came from 1980s Miami.

    you lucky [redacted]!! i can con a dm any day of the week into getting my character to wear shades, but i've never been allowed hawaiian shirts (despite owning several, including made of carribean raw silk).
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  17. - Top - End - #707
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    OrcBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I had a bit of an..... um..... miscommunication with a Deva. It was self defense when I chopped off its head!"

    barbarian speak bold and never capital letter or second/first person pronoun just like comic man do!


    GitP: the only forum where discussions get more brainy over time!

  18. - Top - End - #708
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Runak:"Aw, just look at this squishy wishy froggy. It's so colorful!"
    Dido:"Can I smooch it? Maybe it will turn into a prince!"
    Runak:"Go ahead"
    (One failed Saving Throw later)
    Dido:"Aw, it's not a prince. Just a banana-shaped unicorn."
    Runak:"Are you feeling alright?"
    Dido:"Shut up! You're purple, you can't talk!"

    Lily:"STOP THAT CHICKEN BEFORE SOMEONE EATS THE BOMB"

  19. - Top - End - #709
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    GreenSorcererElf

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I have had some low points in my life, but it wasn't until I spanked that statue that I hit rock bottom."

  20. - Top - End - #710
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Calthropstu View Post
    "I have had some low points in my life, but it wasn't until I spanked that statue that I hit rock bottom."
    That was awful and whoever wrote it should feel awful.

    Also they need a raise.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Come on, Half. You know your plan. Can't stop, won't stop.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Brother of Battle by Emperor Ing

  21. - Top - End - #711
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    Stelio Kontos's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Sorry, I forgot flanking! That's actually a three."
    Currently DMing: Ruins of Azlant IC OOC

  22. - Top - End - #712
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    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    Runak:"Aw, just look at this squishy wishy froggy. It's so colorful!"
    Dido:"Can I smooch it? Maybe it will turn into a prince!"
    Runak:"Go ahead"
    (One failed Saving Throw later)
    Dido:"Aw, it's not a prince. Just a banana-shaped unicorn."
    Runak:"Are you feeling alright?"
    Dido:"Shut up! You're purple, you can't talk!"

    Lily:"STOP THAT CHICKEN BEFORE SOMEONE EATS THE BOMB"
    Kudos to the Player or GM, whichever one came up with the hallucinations.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  23. - Top - End - #713
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    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Rose: “Sure, I'm up for that! Fire up the Wayback machine and... no wait, wrong show.”

    Sniper: “We're the EDF. We do the impossible before breakfast.”
    Rose: “But not before I have my coffee, or I will cut you.”

    Love: “Aw. That was really cute and nice. Rose is so lucky!”
    Chrysalis: “Yes. Yes she is.”
    Sniper: “It does look like Chryssi might have her hooks in Rose, though... And I can't help but wonder if there are security cameras in Chryssi's cell...”
    Rose: “So that explains why the guards have some smooth jazz records in the office.”

    Sniper: “I don't know what's up with Brazen, either. The only time we notice him is when there's an explosion or seduction and not necessarily in that order.”
    Brazen: “Hey, if you're gonna do something, do it in a flashy manner.”
    Rose: “What, flash-bang manner? Did I hear that right?”
    Brazen: “Aaaand my mind just went in a gutter. How did I never noticed that before?”

    Love: “I think I would like to have seen a universe in which you were a cosmetologist.”

    Love: “The bad part... He and I got into a fight as soon as you left. I sorta gave him a tongue lashing and then... hit him with some tangler rounds. He's fine! Except, for the tongue lashing, I think.”
    Star: “Alright. So you shot my kid brother. Guess that makes two of us.”
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  24. - Top - End - #714
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    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Everybody, if we can't wrap this up in an hour, let's take 5. I got a raid with my Clan on Galaxy of Fantasy I almost completely forgot about. Since this is being streamed intergalactically, maybe now my Clan will believe me about who I am. Anyways, Statue for you!"

    "And yes, there is a planet called Space England. Nice place. Glorious history, even more glorious mustaches. Avoid the cities, though. Unless you want to die."

    "It's because you're a leader, dummy! You're the decider. The magnetic north on their compasses. Without you, they're lost. So defrag your Hard Disc, upgrade your RAM, and beep-beep boop, or your girlfriend's going to Leeroy Jenkins herself all over my glorious golden body."

    "Oh come on, your not THAT much older than me! Your technically young enough to be my SISTER!"
    "As a certain goatee'd man once said its not the years kid, its the mileage."

    ".....Forgive me if I'm not trusting a child to absorb me and the one I love to defeat a galactic tyrant, even if its my own. Also finding the concept kind of creepy."

    "Concern for Polar's well-being makes me a sociopath. Right. Not the planetary annihilation, not the pointless wars, not the rampant hedonism. Nope. Asking you not to hurt Polar."

    "So whats the deal? I just got off from going rainbow goat godsona out of nowhere and imprisoning Hailing in divine fire in the middle of a planet, so I'm going to take my time with things for a few minutes at the very least. Get everything mentally processed."

    "Nope! No honor at all! Honorless Jade thats me! No honor, no shame, no problems! Look at me without any honor whatsoever, all snidely whiplash up in here! Heck, technically I'm not even human anymore, so your wrong about that to! Transhuman is the term I believe."
    My Fan Fiction:
    To Catch A Mew
    A Kalos based pokemon fan fic. Now up to Chapter 22!



  25. - Top - End - #715
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Fable Wright's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Fluffy: How much am I getting paid?
    iBrows: Thirty thousand nuyen worth of kibble.
    Fluffy: But I don't like kibble!

    Sylph: He punched me!
    iBrows: You don't use lethal force in response!
    Fluffy: Bear in mind, I'm just three.
    Sylph: Then it's entirely justified.

    Baldrick: It's a fireplace. There's nothing spy-y about a fireplace.
    Fluffy: Except the fact that it's in a secret base under a shipping container.
    Sylph: Yeah, that's just a bit sketchy.

    Baldrick: 'Dragon' refers to any superpowerful entity.
    Fluffy: Desmond's not a superpowerful entity.
    Sylph: He's got files on all of us in a secret underground bunker after paying us hundreds of thousands of nuyen.

    Fluffy: So when did you get all spy-y?
    D.E.S.M.O.N.D.: I may have gotten it from some of your trids.
    Used to be DMofDarkness
    Old avatar by Elagune.
    Spoiler: Collection of Signature Quotes
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  26. - Top - End - #716
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    dm: he could sell his mother's virginity at a premium and she'd be ok with it.

    necron: this primitive weapon pleases me.
    mister ecks: i hope so! that's a rotary flak canon!

    raymond: ok, bad news, jayce lost an arm. good news, i've saved his life.
    jayce ooc: it had been ages since my characters got dismembered!
    dm: so, raymond, what do you do?
    raymond: i'm taking the padré on my shoulders, his pack on my back, and dragging his flamer and my hellgun in my other hand.
    everyone: *beat*
    raymond: ... strength check?
    dm: strength check.
    raymond gets 2 degrees of success: *turns to the necron* last session you were the wounded carrier and i opened the way. no fair!
    necron: the flesh is weak. and annoying.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  27. - Top - End - #717
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    GM: "What provisions are you making to transport your prisoner?"
    Alex: "Burlap sack, knot on top."

    Alex: "My granola bar comes in 40, 60, and 80 grit."

    GM: "Where's the prisoner?"
    Ronin: "He's the one on the mat wearing brown pants."
    Alex: "He is the brown pants."

    GM: "The mule takes a double-move away from the fight."
    Xander: "Ronin, are you paid muleage for the distance traveled?"
    Ronin: "Shut up and go chase him down."
    Xander: "I'm not going to hoof it."
    Ronin: "Quit being stubborn!"
    Xander: "Are you talking to me or your mule?"
    Ronin: *Gibbs-slaps Xander*

    Alex: "The button is mounted on the mule, not the bandit!"

    GM: "The last bandit is fighting the cleric."
    Matthew: "Eh, you guys got this."
    Ronin: "I collapse in pain and sleep it off."
    Alex: "I loot the bodies."
    Xander: "Oh come on!"

    GM: "There's a crowd of people wondering what's twitching in the sack."
    Alex: "Don't they all? Okay Xander, hose him down."
    Xander: "I beg your pardon?"
    Alex: "Oh, I'm sorry. They don't waterboard in public anymore?"

    Alex: "Well what do you want?"
    Xander: "Ethical treatment of our prisoner."
    Alex: "Boy you sure must be half asleep because that's some dream."

    Xander: "I'd like to research this urn before I open it."
    Alex: "What, you don't want to open Pandora's Jack-in-the-Box?"

    Matthew: "Here, let me use Prestidigitation to clean ourselves up for the court."
    Alex: "Here we go, getting magically Fabreeze'd."

    GM: "There's no whiff of kangaroo in this courtroom."

    Xander: "So if I sit on the bench with the wagon driver, does that make me an elf on a shelf?"

    Alex: "I'm half Italian. The other half is scotch."
    Ronin: "You mean Scottish."
    Alex: "That's the one."
    Xander: "I'm one-eighth Chardonnay myself."

    Xander: "Oh come on! I'm showing leg here and the bandits still go after the wizard first?"
    Alex: "Well you're not a girl in a skirt anymore and the mage is still wearing a dress."
    Xander: "I'm an elf, I didn't think those humans could really tell."

    GM: "Matthew is actually throwing some magic into this fight?"
    Xander: "Holy Selune! It's like he's a wizard or something."
    Alex: "What box top did he learn that spell from?"

    GM: "The bandit is withdrawing. He's now 60 feet this way."
    Alex: "Hey Strongbow, hit him!"
    Xander: "I'm at... -6 to hit that guy. I really don't think--"
    Alex: "Do it, ElfQuest!"
    Xander: *Rolls a 4. total*
    Squirrel in a random direction: *explodes*
    Alex: "AWESOME!"
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-12-10 at 09:37 AM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  28. - Top - End - #718
    Troll in the Playground
     
    D.KnightSpider's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Flash Fire: This is a Cupcake... OF DESTINY!

    Truly Sweet: I think I'm getting a headache.
    Stethy Scope: That's because you're talking to me.

    Stethy Scope: Is that laboratory generated water?
    Truly Sweet: Uh, noooo.
    Stethy Scope: Then I don't trust it.

    Flash Fire: How do you make water?
    Truly Sweet: Magic.
    Stethy Scope: No. A little 'H', '2' a little 'O' and you're good to go.

    Truly Sweet: Why do you have a pile of lightbulbs in your saddlebags?
    Stethy Scope: Because I keep having ideas.

    Flash Fire: It's time for me to do what I do best!
    Stethy Scope: Blow stuff up?
    Flash Fire: Don't be silly. It's time for a song and dance!

    Flash Fire: Maybe it's my brother: Flashy Pants.

  29. - Top - End - #719
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    GreenSorcererElf

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I teleport."
    "What do you teleport?"
    "Nice weather today isn't it?"
    "..."

  30. - Top - End - #720
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Dimers's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    you lucky [redacted]!! i can con a dm any day of the week into getting my character to wear shades, but i've never been allowed hawaiian shirts (despite owning several, including made of carribean raw silk).
    I'm in an AD&D game that has a Shirt Of Tackiness +1, a hawaiian so bright and clashing it boosts AC.
    Avatar by Meltheim: Eveve, dwarven battlemind, 4e Dark Sun

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