Page 10 of 24 FirstFirst 1234567891011121314151617181920 ... LastLast
Results 271 to 300 of 720
  1. - Top - End - #271
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Rynjin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    ""Oh, uh, yeah... Totally, his ghost. And he's pissed..." Eben says, tossing an illusion of ghostly moaning coming from the kitchen as he exerts himself pushing on the cow's emaciated, bony rump in an effort to extract her from further chaos. Somehow, the three adventurers and their cow emerge into daylight."

    ----------------------------------

    'Farrukh is brutal fighter, mercenary. If scenario hits red levels, may be possible to turn him against own side. Simple form, but complicated fighting style makes impractical for switchup.' A newer note here reads, 'Do not get between Al'Khatel and wall.'

    -An excerpt from a dossier on our party found on the corpse of a creature who got between my character and a wall. RIP.
    Last edited by Rynjin; 2017-07-29 at 03:20 AM.
    Spoiler: Play by Post
    Show

    Sinner and Innocent OOC IC

    Carrion Crown: OOC IC

    Skull and Shackles: OOC

  2. - Top - End - #272
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    *Knock knock*
    (Opens door) "Who's there? Huh, nobody." (Closes door)
    *Knock knock*
    "Who's there?"
    "Look down!"
    "Look down who?"
    "This is not a joke, I'm three feet tall you brickhead!"
    ".....oh. Didn't see you there."
    "You don't say."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-29 at 07:54 AM.

  3. - Top - End - #273
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I see the pun!
    Stick googly eyes on them to emulate puppy eyes.

    Well... maybe not your medical sunglasses. Swap out for a cheaper pair.
    knowing my sense of humor, that's the fastest way for me to have an excuse to carry 15 different pairs of sunglasses. angry, hungry, surprised, scared, disappointed, puppy eyes, lovey-dovey, moolah, blasé, dead, and flabbergasted come to mind immediately.

    (note to self: make it work in pf with my half-drow, get a gnome on it if need be. explosive shades are always a win)
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  4. - Top - End - #274
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Diana, did you always have working legs?....and those big ears...and those big teeth...and that big tail...okay, spank my butt and call me Red Riding Hood, this joke was dead when it started."

  5. - Top - End - #275
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Planes of Law

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "We're going to be space cannibal privateers!"
    "So basically, adventurers."
    Gold: the color of lawful neutrality.

    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

    Extended signature!

  6. - Top - End - #276
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    MonkGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender
    Male

    eek Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rynjin View Post
    ""Oh, uh, yeah... Totally, his ghost. And he's pissed..." Eben says, tossing an illusion of ghostly moaning coming from the kitchen as he exerts himself pushing on the cow's emaciated, bony rump in an effort to extract her from further chaos. Somehow, the three adventurers and their cow emerge into daylight."
    You meant to disturb.

    You succeeded.
    Empyreal Lord of the Elysian Realm of Well-Intentioned Fail

  7. - Top - End - #277
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "You got the book?"
    "Yeah, it was hard to find but...worth it."
    "Ooh, look at the pictures, they're so detailed!"
    "Yep, but making one of those has to be exhausting for both of us."
    "Why don't we try a simple one?"
    "Like this one? How do you do it?"
    "It's just like the one we always do, but you slather everything in whipped cream in the end."
    "What about this? It looks tough."
    "Maybe for the two of us. Let's call up on Shun for this one, how about it?"
    Hearing a blood-curling scream of pain from outside their cabin, Rand & Silky put down the deluxe cake recipe book and rush out to check.
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-29 at 02:54 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #278
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Vishal: You can't have podunk and doors!

    Cramden III, Son of Cramden Jr: It smells like pickle juice! Why do you keep that around?

    Cramden III: Cramden Ho!
    Cramden Jr: Don't be an idiot.
    Cramden III: Sorry, I was just trying to do a thing-
    Cramden Jr: Don't ruin the moment, either.

    Vishal: He's a Vish-kabob now.

    Cramden III: I pull off my eyepatch-
    DM: You've had an eyepatch this whole time?!
    Cramden III: Only to perform the wedding. Anyway, I put away the eyepatch and the pair of fake birds on my shoulders...

    JC: What are shrimp doing in the Cloudbreakers?
    DM: They're mountain shrimp, and you do not want to know where they came from...
    Last edited by JBPuffin; 2017-07-29 at 05:31 PM.
    Cookie Count: One

    Quote Originally Posted by digiman619 View Post
    Spoiler: True Facts
    Show

  9. - Top - End - #279
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    HalflingPirate

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    The State of Denial
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "So, if I keep swinging my hips, do I get a bonus to my armor class?"

    "We're going to die young and rich. We'll find our way to the dragon's lair, he'll find us and kill us, and we'll die rich!"

    "Did you just say that strength is your corset?"

  10. - Top - End - #280
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Pistackio, you speak old coot, go talk to that senile broad before she bores us to death with another tirade about bass fishing"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-30 at 12:35 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #281
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Flemkopf View Post
    "So, if I keep swinging my hips, do I get a bonus to my armor class?"
    Well, a distracted enemy can't hit you, right?


    GM: "When we last left our heroes, they survived--"
    Nick: "Tina Turner's Thunderdome."

    GM: "What is that on your shirt? Is that an elf with a mustache?"
    Digo: "No, it's Doctor Whooves."
    GM: "What is a Doctor Whooves?"
    Digo: "Ooooh, strap yourself in, we're going down a rabbit hole."

    Nick: "We have two heads and one chest. On a sled."

    Chris: "I need to learn a spell to break down large stone devices. Not sure which."
    Digo: "Four words for you--Dis. In. Tea. Grate."

    GM: "You see a hole unzip from reality. It's not done in a way you've seen before, and you've seen a few."
    Chris: "Which says a lot about our adventures."
    Nick: "At least it tells us which day of the week it is."

    Digo: "Please tell me we sprung for the extended warranty on this companion."

    Mechaneclese: "I'm sorry, but I can't bring him back."
    Mel: "That's what I thought. See, Deeg, I told you!"
    Digo: "We talk to gods on a regular basis! Impossibility is a dirty word here!"

    Nick: "Digo, can we check Freya if she has an extended warranty tattooed on her butt?"
    Freya: *slaps Nick in the face*
    Digo: "That's probably a 'No'."
    Nick: "Right, got the message."

    Chris: "So, Cthulhu lives in the Appalachians? By the coal mines?"
    Nick: "Would that make it the Coal of Cthulhu?"

    Nick: "We could rebuild him; better, stronger, faster, lower APR financing..."

    Chris: "Did you make Google?"
    Mechaneclese: "Oh god no. Not at all."
    Google: "Does it say 'Made in China' stamped anywhere on my tail?"

    GM: "So what is your cooking bonus? +4?"
    Digo: "Pfft, maybe with my eyes closed." (*rolls a 26*)

    Nick: "He's trying to create a diversion because his first idea hit the ground like Value Jet."

    Nick: "Yes, I know it was JFK, but I argue for Elvis Presley because after all that Methadone, he needs coffee just to hold it together!"

    GM: "William already made his will save against the intelligent spear. It is not dominating him."
    Chris: "So the spear is willing?"

    Digo: "I feel like i'm being passed around like a piece pipe."
    Nick: "Have you been blown yet?"
    Digo: "Uh, no?"
    Nick: "Then you're not a piece pipe."

    Digo: "Today, Hobbs will be played by the disembodied head of Chris Pratt."

    GM: "The bear has to be #2, he's brown."

    Nick: "Are you a two-part act?"
    Digo: "Yeah, I'm thunder, Freya is lightning."
    Ettin, left head: "Get her!"
    Ettin, right head: "Him!"

    GM: "The bear claws into William and rips him open."
    Nick: "And our Pez dispenser is now empty."

    GM: "What's the difference between John Candy and John Lithgow? One's six foot two inches in the other direction."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  12. - Top - End - #282
    Titan in the Playground
     
    HalfTangible's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    The Primus Imperium
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    I got nostalgic and went through the FWM threads. Some oldies-but-goodies.



    *after flying a bomb out of the train and coming back, probably getting caught in the blast*
    Ticket Master: "... ticket please?"
    Lone Star: "SERIOUSLY?!"

    *later, when Fox Trot and Icy Touch go to check on him*
    Ticket Master: "Say it! Say it one more time!"
    Lone Star: "I called your momma phat! You're a rapper, it's not even an insult!!"
    Fox Trot: "See? He's fine."

    NPC: "You're a total sellout."
    Lone Star: "Oh I am, but you really should try some of my other stuff, maybe under the penname of Moon Shadow, some of my best is I am trying to do a sales pitch during a hostage situation."

    *crashes into Fox Trot, accidental kiss. FTR, these two hate each other*
    Lone Star: "BLAAAARGH!! Oh Princesses, it tastes like... like... huh, not that bad actually. Is that cinnamon? I think it's cinnamon."

    Icy: "Of course. You two [Star and Esmeralda] just made out on a cloud until you forgot you'd stolen a giant robot."
    Lone Star: "Nuh-uh! We did other stuff too!"
    Esmeralda: *clever grin*
    Lone Star: "Like watch the sun set!"
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2017-07-30 at 03:44 PM.
    DailyMotion

    Remember this, HalfTangible. You meant it then. Do you now?

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo

    Extended Sig

    Blood Angel by Emperor Ing

  13. - Top - End - #283
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Well, a distracted enemy can't hit you, right?
    What classes/PrCs/feats/skills convert Charisma into AC?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: "What is that on your shirt? Is that an elf with a mustache?"
    Digo: "No, it's Doctor Whooves."
    *straps self in* Why does Doctor Whooves have pointy ears and a stache?

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Chris: "I need to learn a spell to break down large stone devices. Not sure which."
    Digo: "Four words for you--Dis. In. Tea. Grate."
    I saw that you... broke it down for Chris. Bam dum tss.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: "So what is your cooking bonus? +4?"
    Digo: "Pfft, maybe with my eyes closed." (*rolls a 26*)
    What die is that? Doesn't seem to be a d20.

  14. - Top - End - #284
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Benthesquid's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2013

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Some context
    Show
    Illian: Let's have that be Plan B.
    Malkin: I look a little put out at the thought of lighting everyone on fire ever not being plan A.

    ***
    GM: Roll bluff to convey a hidden message.
    Various Dice Rolls:
    GM: Huh. The guy standing next to the leader shouts a warning and starts casting.
    Malkin: HahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA! PLAN A!!!!!
    Avatar courtesy of Kaariane!

  15. - Top - End - #285
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "The ray of black light sails over your head and turns the wall behind you to dust."
    "Huh? Hey, you moron! I'm made of FLESH, and you use spells that break STONE? Get your act together!"

    "Is there anything that rhymes with pizza?"
    "More pizza."
    "You think that is good?"
    "More pizza is ALWAYS good."

    "99 corrupted souls in the gem, 99 corrupted souls, you summon one and smack it around, there's 98 corrupted souls in the gem..."

    (Becky removes her mask)
    "CAPTAIN! I EMBRACE MY HUMANITY!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-31 at 06:29 AM.

  16. - Top - End - #286
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    When the insane mostly dead gnome necromancer is the voice of reason, something has gone very wrong.

    DM: According to NecroGnome, the gold piece you gave the Hobgoblin is in that pouch, sitting there in a bare patch of dry ground amongst the trees and brush.
    NecroGnome: Looks like a trap.
    ElfKnight: I walk up to the pouch.
    NecroGnome: I pick up the pouch."This is a trap."
    ElfKnight: Is the coin in there?
    NecroGnome: I open the bag and pour out the contents.
    DM: Several coins spill onto the ground, including yours, according to your spell.
    NecroGnome: "Definitely a trap"
    DM: Roll Initiative.
    NecroGnome: "See?! It was a trap!" I start throwing out more coins. "We're friendly!"
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  17. - Top - End - #287
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Lord Torath's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    USA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    knowing my sense of humor, that's the fastest way for me to have an excuse to carry 15 different pairs of sunglasses. angry, hungry, surprised, scared, disappointed, puppy eyes, lovey-dovey, moolah, blasé, dead, and flabbergasted come to mind immediately.
    Make sure you label them properly. You don't want this to happen (Get ready for Mister Angry Eyes!)
    Thri-Kreen Ranger/Psionicist by me, based off of Rich's A Monster for Every Season

  18. - Top - End - #288
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Response
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    What classes/PrCs/feats/skills convert Charisma into AC?
    What die is that? Doesn't seem to be a d20.
    The Enlightened archetype for Paladins.

    I think he included the modifiers.
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-31 at 10:22 AM.

  19. - Top - End - #289
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Torath View Post
    Make sure you label them properly. You don't want this to happen (Get ready for Mister Angry Eyes!)
    ok, i wasn't expecting that. i chuckled. ^^

    now, i really want animated empathic glasses for my half drow. is it silly? yes! will it be even more jarring when he pulls his dirty look? definitely.

    (yes, the dm accepted that in order to do the stern gaze class ability of the inquisitor, i just had to do a reverse glasses pull. worth it for a +2 intimidation bonus, plus, i've handed out so many dirty looks in that team off the gaming table that we all know it works)
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  20. - Top - End - #290
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I can't really accept the payment."
    "But wait, you swore to live the life of virtue your fellow paladin was denied. Shouldn't you get his rewards too?"
    "That's such a twisted logic it actually makes sense."

  21. - Top - End - #291
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    *straps self in* Why does Doctor Whooves have pointy ears and a stache?
    Well, the ears because he's a pony. And the stache because the GM apparently couldn't tell that was a sonic screwdriver. XD


    Quote Originally Posted by Benthesquid View Post
    GM: Huh. The guy standing next to the leader shouts a warning and starts casting.
    Casting is basically the "go ahead" signal to start shooting casters.


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    NecroGnome: "See?! It was a trap!" I start throwing out more coins. "We're friendly!"
    *snerk* I would let that work if I were GM.



    Nick: "Here's a great prank--take a potion of Invisibility and carbonate it."

    Mel: "What temple is this? Corellon?"
    GM: "No, Bahamut. She doesn't know the 'Gate' code to teleport into the other place."

    Nick: "Kind cardinal--"
    Abbot: "It's abbot."
    Mel: "HEY ABBOTT!!"
    Abbot: "Don't do that. Again. Please."

    GM: "She breaks every tenet at the temple."
    Digo: "What, Tennant? Do they regenerate into Matt Smiths?"

    GM: "A scroll appears in the air before you, Chris."
    Nick: "Oh, how nice. You got sent a screamer."
    Chris: "What, no owl?"
    GM: "You get a scroll personally teleported to you, and you complain?"
    Chris: "Okay, well... what does it say?"
    Nick: "Eat at Joes."
    Chris: "I got magic spammed?!"

    Malcolm: "They told me that the first rule was not to do it in public. To be covert about it! I'm wearing a skirt now! Noooooo!"
    Digo: "Are we still talking about casting spells?"
    Malcolm: "But I don't want to be a girl!"
    Nick: "Chris, have tried pouring hot water on him to fix this?"

    Alfonse: "Do you have a plan? An inkling of what you're going to do?"
    Chris: "He has 12% of a plan."
    Alfonse: "That's it? That's barely a plan at all."
    Nick: "I'm going to blame the kidnappings on Edward."
    Alfonse: "Edward? Ohhh, I like this plan. Jeeves? Call Adam to the room."
    Jeeves: "Sir, we just got the blood stains off the carpet--"
    Alfonse: "No, no, this time it's business. No need for his theatrics yet."
    Jeeves: "Yes, sir." (leaves)
    GM: "You see this drow show up, but he's so quiet, so stealthy, that it's like he isn't there."
    Digo: "Oh, so he's been photoshopped into the scene?"

    GM: "You can hear his outfit, it's so loud."

    Mel: "Oh! The watch! Digo has that magic watch! How many ticks has it lost since last time?"
    GM: "None. as in, the GM forgot. Failed his save versus senility."

    Nick: "Ah, some light reading."
    Book: *floats away*
    Digo: "Huh. Haven't seen paper that light since my last paycheck."

    Digo: "First on the list, a trident."
    GM: "It's only good for six pieces."

    Malcolm: "I'm tougher than I look!"
    Digo: "So only two cat scratches to take you down?"

    Mel: "But William is taller. Malcolm is only four feet."
    Digo: "Well it's not really about height, it's about age."
    Mel: "No, height is a factor! He's too short to where he'll get lost in the shuffle."
    Digo: "It would have been real awkward had I hired that halfling earlier."

    Nick: "We want a +2 armor, and we're willing to sell the 20 megaton thermonuclear fission/fusion bear for it!"

    Chris & Mel: "99 charges of spells on the wall, 99 charges of spells!"
    Nick: "What, take one down, zap it around?"

    Shopkeep: "You're not gonna walk out of this shop naked, are you?"
    Mel: "No, I have clothes under this armor."
    Digo: "Yeah, this isn't Skyrim with mods."

    Digo: "Okay, does this say 'large' or 'siege'?"

    GM: "In a cloud of Jasmine-scented brimstone--"
    Digo: "Wat."

    Digo: "Don't worry, I'm working on acquiring a HQ for future followers."
    GM: "Are you trying to amass an army?"
    Digo: "The answer to that question is not 'No."
    GM: "Why? Are you laying siege to the gates of hell?"
    Digo: "Your barbarian in the other campaign was gathering a small army."
    GM: "Yes, but only to take out a single tribe of orcs."
    Digo: "Well it's not my fault that your barbarian thinks small."
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-07-31 at 05:50 PM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  22. - Top - End - #292
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Well, you see, girls your age always start noticing some changes in their lives. Their body may grow into a different shape, they might show more interest in boys, they sometimes change mood without explanation...and sometimes they grow a half inch thick adamantium carapace. It's just natural."

    "The cultists of Razmir have been disbanded from Tamran, and forever the people will be grateful to...siiiiigh...Uto Ugi, Trund's heroic 10-foot ghost pony."
    "He's the real MVP."

    "I found a screwdriver."
    (Everyone looks at it)
    (Everyone looks at Clara)
    Spoiler
    Show

    "....NO!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-01 at 06:05 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #293
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Shinn's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    France
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Characters : Howard, a Blackguard, Liao, a Spell-less Bard, and Kim, a fire Wizard.

    KIM - What's your goal in life, Howard ?
    HOWARD - Spreading the diseases and make everyone freak out.
    KIM - Mine's to burn everything ; maybe we can get along.
    LIAO - I'm the sanest member of this party...
    [A few minutes later]
    LIAO - So, I called this plan "STDs for kiddies"...

    LIAO - Howard, if you want that much this disease, we need to get you to Hell... But how ?
    [Some times later, in a magic scrolls shop]
    HOWARD : (comes handcuffed with a random woman) Hello good fellows, me and my wife wanted to... Spice up our life couple. Can we borrow your Plane Shift scrolls for a day please ?

    LIAO - I left you only three days... And you destroyed the world. Am I right ?
    KIM - Kinda. Oh, and I got married, by the way.


    Spoiler: Who am I ?
    Show
    Alignment:
    LG - 10%
    NG- 8%
    CG - 5%
    LN- 12%
    N - 12%
    CN - 7%
    LE - 18%
    NE - 16%
    CE - 12%

    Race:
    Human - 23%
    Dwarf - 14%
    Elf - 11%
    Gnome - 18%
    Halfling - 11%
    Half-Elf - 12%
    Half-Orc - 11%

    Class:
    Barbarian - 5%
    Bard - 7%
    Cleric - 16%
    Druid - 4%
    Fighter - 9%
    Monk - 7%
    Paladin - 9%
    Ranger - 9%
    Rogue - 12%
    Sorcerer - 7%
    Wizard - 15%

  24. - Top - End - #294
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Ye land-lubbing son of a boneless squid! Let me go at once! Ye unseaworthy scum must've boarded that ship by sheer mistake! Get yer dirty mitts off me! I'd rather rejoin me bones at the bottom of the sea than spend another minute in yer presence!"
    "I'm seriously considering smashing your face in."
    "I'm a skull, ye moron! I don't even HAVE a face!"

  25. - Top - End - #295
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    30.2672° N, 97.7431° W
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Blake: If they didn't want the button pushed, they should have had some kind of safe-guard.
    Oberon: It was behind an armored plate, that could only be unlocked by turning two unique keys simultaneously, in locks that were 10 feet apart!
    Blake: See! The WANTED it pushed.


    ****

    Blake: You wouldn't happen to have any onions on you, would you?
    Alien: Onions?
    Blake: Never mind...so could you point to where [on your anatomy] you guys keep your liver?

    ****

    Oberon: Blake...why did you requisition 2 tons of Fava bea.... >.< never mind....
    Last edited by Mutazoia; 2017-08-03 at 05:52 AM.
    "Sleeping late might not be a virtue, but it sure aint no vice. The old saw about the early bird and the worm just goes to show that the worm should have stayed in bed."

    - L. Long

    I think, therefore I get really, really annoyed at people who won't.

  26. - Top - End - #296
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "That Kraken is made of hair, and the hair is asking for help. Don't question it, just go!"

    "From now on, Ilvan is considered to be carrying a ghost bazooka. That is the best explanation for his power."

    "I just need another couple grands for my research..."
    "Root, you really are the problem of all money. And yeah I just said that."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-03 at 11:41 AM.

  27. - Top - End - #297
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Root, you really are the problem of all money. And yeah I just said that."
    Hee hee, nice twist of an old saying.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mutazoia View Post
    Blake: See! The WANTED it pushed.
    Essence of a PC. And if it were a big happy-looking button with the word "Push" written on it in a friendly-looking font, no one would ever touch it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Shinn View Post
    LIAO - So, I called this plan "STDs for kiddies"...
    So much for sanest member.



    Choro: “Yes, don't talk to the beings you're killing. They signed a piece of paper. Or were made by us to be killed. Because we're massive frecking jerks whose jerkiness eclipses the sun.

    Thanatos: “Viridia, I imagine, is her girlfriend, given that she has the best protection.”
    Viridia: “Can I punch this *******? I mean. I know we just fought a bunch of robots and stuff, but he is apparently a card-carrying member of the Evil Fruit family.”
    Doc: “I certainly won’t stop you.”
    Viridia: “You're my favorite Doctor.”
    Thanatos: “If it would assist in making this a smoother operation, I will allow you to punch me.”
    Viridia: “Eh, it's no fun if you agree. What's with the name, Thanatos? The rest of the Olives have names like Pit or Branch or Oil, but you're...Thanatos. Are you half-donkey or something?”
    Thanatos: “I would have said the same about 'Viridia'. As for my name, I am not a mule; my grandfather simply had the flair for the exotic.”
    Viridia: “Yeah, but my family doesn't go around using the same themed names like some kind of cult.”
    Thanatos: “It's an earth pony tradition. Much like the Apple family, the Olives have ancient traditions going back to the foundations of the tribes.”
    Viridia: “I never thought the Olives were that particular about their breeding stock.”
    Thanatos: *Triggered*
    Viridia: “Hehe. Finally got a reaction out of him.”

    Thanatos: “You would be made if you married into the family, girl.”
    Viridia: “I'm already made, Thanatos. Made to pleasure.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  28. - Top - End - #298
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "She makes a very cute picture but...is she knitting a scarf for Rand with her own silk?"
    "Yep, and?"
    "Isn't that like...slathering him in her own hardened bodily fluids?"

  29. - Top - End - #299
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "She makes a very cute picture but...is she knitting a scarf for Rand with her own silk?"
    "Yep, and?"
    "Isn't that like...slathering him in her own hardened bodily fluids?"
    Spider-people and spider-themed people use gifts of textiles as a way of expressing affection/ownership/"dominance"... yep, that's canon now.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  30. - Top - End - #300
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    eva: did we win the fight or start a barbecue?
    josé: yes.

    monk: i punch out the idiot princess!
    dm: again?!
    korinn: *sigh* i prepare mind-wipe... again...

    dm: so you talk to the osirian torturer, who's a beautiful lady...
    monk: geez, josé will flirt with anyone with a whip!
    josé: it's professionnal admiration.
    monk: same thing.
    dm: you do get kind of aroused by her skill. you find it very erotic the way she deftly makes her whip dances across the naked flesh of her victim.
    josé: *string of expletives* why do you want me to be the campaign bicycle?!!
    monk: you're the one who went all shibari on the last prisoner!

    dm: the waitress flirts with you-
    josé: cayden damn it!!
    dm:-hoping to get a better tip.
    josé: oh... *pickpockets monk* uh, i give her a month's wages.
    team: 0.o
    josé: what? it's only like 5gp, tops...
    dm: aaaaand she's crushing badly on you now.
    josé: *huge expletive*

    dm: the librarian looks at you, hiding her attraction towards you behind a stern façade.
    josé: y u do dis, dm?
    korinn: it's the drow blood. all the ladies like bad boys.

    eva: think josé could requisition me a pet goat? they're so cute!

    monk: *punches clean through a goblin* next!
    josé: *hands him a pint*
    monk: not what i was expecting! this is much better!
    *grim finishes off the remaining goblins*
    monk: hey! no kill-stealing! those were my bags of xp!
    eva: you mean goblins, right?
    monk: i know what i said.

    josé: ok grim, mind going over there and keeping watch, please?
    grim: ok, but i should be closer in case things gets rough.
    josé, once grim is out of sight: *pulls out a crowbar* time for some lockpicking!
    monk: you mean looting.
    korinn: you mean searching for clues.
    josé: no, i meant not getting punched by a 300lb half-orc for doing something morally reprehensible again. but your suggestions are *loud crack of splintered wood* taken into consideration. hey grim! somebody unlocked the door! get over here!
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •