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  1. - Top - End - #301
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Chris: "Can I offer a suggestion?"
    GM: "You do what?"
    Digo: "He's casting Suggestion. Roll a will save."

    Chris: I rode The Kracken 10 times in a row once."
    Mel: "Why did you do that?"
    Chris: "Because I couldn't do 12."
    GM: "What do you use for a stomach?"

    Digo: "So what's this going to cost us?"
    Chris: "Um... wow."
    Digo: "Wow? What's wow? Explain how much is wow."
    Chris: "It's somewhere between ouch and ping!"

    GM: "You think the Free City bureaucracy is bad? The imperial capital is layers deeper."
    Digo: "The red tape comes in 3 flavors?"

    GM: "No, I won't make you roll a check for Hobbs."
    Digo: "That's a check of a different stripe."
    Chris: "He's not Czech, he's Indian."
    Digo: "Okay, well if you're going to get catty about it."
    Chris: "I just thought that this was the purr-fect moment to correct the record."
    GM: "The drummer throws his sticks to the floor and leaves."

    GM: "And Chris is... not here."
    Digo: "His flight was delayed at the gate spell."

    Digo: "I got to see a wizard in the morning about some tentacles."
    Chris: "... ... ..."
    Digo: "I promise it has nothing to do with anime."
    Chris: "Okay, good. It's breakfast and I don't want to deal with hen-thai food."

    GM: "The room majored in library, minored in study."

    Digo: "It's a friendly room, but you'll have to buy it dinner first."

    Chris: "So, eiter Bag of Holding or in someone's shoe?"
    Mel: "That would be uncomfortable."
    Digo: "Well, it could be worn like a toe ring."
    Efrit: "Know that any thief who tries to take this from you will suffer a very uncomfortable and wet end."
    Chris: "Into the bag of holding it goes."

    GM: "Benedryl isn't so much a sedative as a mugging in pill form."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  2. - Top - End - #302
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Digo: "I got to see a wizard in the morning about some tentacles."
    Chris: "... ... ..."
    Digo: "I promise it has nothing to do with anime."
    Chris: "Okay, good. It's breakfast and I don't want to deal with hen-thai food."
    *Slow clap of appreciation*

    Sypher: "Why does my new body look like a 12-year-old?"
    Rivit: "Cut me some slack, I'm working with limited resources."
    Sypher: "We're in an electronics supply warehouse."
    Rivit: "I prefer quality over quantity."

    Buster: "I'm not f*****g the platypus!"

    Nyfe: "Fire the Loli Cannon!"
    Dealer: Where do you guys come up with these names?

    Wyzz: "Why do you constantly put us within the blast radius!?"
    Buster: "Maxim 20: If you're not willing to shell your own position, you aren't willing to win!"

    Rivit: "I don't like walking over the corpses of my comrades."
    Nyfe: "You know they're just roombas, right?"
    Rivit: "They were still part of Sypher!"

    Wyzz: "Again, how is it that you manage to find or make weapons no matter where we go?"
    Buster: "Maxim 24: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a really big gun."

    Dealer: I see you're all suffering from the Dopeler effect again.
    Nyfe: What's that?
    Dealer: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you smarter. Given the high velocity at which you're throwing them, they must seem absolutely brilliant.

    Wyzz: "Attention evil loosers: We have taken control of all your facilities, your systems are now under our cotrol."
    Dealer: Don't.
    Wyzz: *wide grin*
    Dealer: Don't you dare!
    Wyzz: "All your base are belong to us!"
    Dealer: Damnit!
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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  3. - Top - End - #303
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    *Slow clap of appreciation*

    Sypher: "Why does my new body look like a 12-year-old?"
    Rivit: "Cut me some slack, I'm working with limited resources."
    Sypher: "We're in an electronics supply warehouse."
    Rivit: "I prefer quality over quantity."

    Buster: "I'm not f*****g the platypus!"

    Nyfe: "Fire the Loli Cannon!"
    Dealer: Where do you guys come up with these names?

    Wyzz: "Why do you constantly put us within the blast radius!?"
    Buster: "Maxim 20: If you're not willing to shell your own position, you aren't willing to win!"

    Rivit: "I don't like walking over the corpses of my comrades."
    Nyfe: "You know they're just roombas, right?"
    Rivit: "They were still part of Sypher!"

    Wyzz: "Again, how is it that you manage to find or make weapons no matter where we go?"
    Buster: "Maxim 24: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a really big gun."

    Dealer: I see you're all suffering from the Dopeler effect again.
    Nyfe: What's that?
    Dealer: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you smarter. Given the high velocity at which you're throwing them, they must seem absolutely brilliant.

    Wyzz: "Attention evil loosers: We have taken control of all your facilities, your systems are now under our cotrol."
    Dealer: Don't.
    Wyzz: *wide grin*
    Dealer: Don't you dare!
    Wyzz: "All your base are belong to us!"
    Dealer: Damnit!
    so much win, i couldn't pick one out if i tried. i think buster and some characters of mine would get on like a house on fire. i may steal the maxims.
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  4. - Top - End - #304
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Oberon: If you say he tasted funny, I'm blowing out of the next airlock we find....
    "Sleeping late might not be a virtue, but it sure aint no vice. The old saw about the early bird and the worm just goes to show that the worm should have stayed in bed."

    - L. Long

    I think, therefore I get really, really annoyed at people who won't.

    "A plucky band of renegade short-order cooks fighting the Empire with the power of cheap, delicious food and a side order of whup-ass."

  5. - Top - End - #305
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    *Slow clap of appreciation*
    Thank you. We do our best for the biggest groans. :>


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    Dealer: I see you're all suffering from the Dopeler effect again.
    Nyfe: What's that?
    Dealer: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you smarter. Given the high velocity at which you're throwing them, they must seem absolutely brilliant.
    Hee hee! I'm reminded of a comedian's explanation that 'Stupid' has a Doppler effect.

    Also, the names for your weapons seems like the same names we use in our group.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mutazoia View Post
    Oberon: If you say he tasted funny, I'm blowing out of the next airlock we find....
    Ouch, that bad, huh?



    Viridia: “Hey, Thanatos? I want a look at your scarf. I feel like me holding it will ensure a smooth transition from this troublesome period of confrontational introductions to blahblah wordwords.”
    Thanatos: *gives her the scarf without question*

    Choro: “Also why does everypony just know I'm from a Stable? I'm not wearing overalls or using gear with our number on it. How do you all keep just... knowing that?”
    Doc: “Because your epic levels of cute innocence can't be found outside a Stable?”

    GM: “Choro bravely marched forward, and, while she didn't explode or do anything violent, she walked into complete darkness and if it wasn't for her naturally-produced magical horn light, she might as well have been on the moon.”

    Choro: “AAAAARRGH!”
    Doc: “I think that's Old Unicornia for 'medic!'”

    Moon: “Depends. Can you use a different face? Cause I've been wanting to shoot something that looks almost exactly like that for a while now. Also you're going to have to come up with a really good reason why I shouldn't just break you, cause I know that'll solve my problems.”

    Viridia: “Has anyone ever called you, Thanny?”
    GM: “Thanatos, at first looking as if he wasn't going to justify that with an answer, eventually just shook his head.”
    Viridia: “How about... Little Green?”

    Moon: “Why do you have an overseer robot? Its function is exactly half of yours, and it's the stupid half.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  6. - Top - End - #306
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    so much win, i couldn't pick one out if i tried. i think buster and some characters of mine would get on like a house on fire. i may steal the maxims.
    I'd check out the '70 maxims of a successful space pirate' then. It's from an ongoing comic series called 'Shlock Mercinaries'.
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

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  7. - Top - End - #307
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Thanatos: *gives her the scarf without question*
    IIRC, didn't Viridia roll a critical success there?
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-08-08 at 01:18 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #308
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Classics
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Chris:
    Digo: "So what's this going to cost us?"
    Chris: "Um... wow."
    Digo: "Wow? What's wow? Explain how much is wow."
    Chris: "It's somewhere between ouch and ping!"
    White Christmas? I'm impressed.


    Beware Strange Women Residing In Swamps (Or Genre Savvy Saves Lives)

    DM: Ahead, over the left bank of the river, you hear music.
    FairyHalfling: Oh, that's not good.

    Mistress of the Marsh: Oh, but you look worse for wear, sweet beast.
    DM: She kisses Mr. Squeakers. His hide is patched and covered in fur, and blinks at you with two good eyes.
    NecroGnome: Noooo! You ruined him! Turn him back! <cries>

    DM: The woman caresses MonkeyMonk's face
    DuelistDude: Doesn't he have a vow of celibacy or-
    MonkeyMonk: I'm not that kind of monk! I waggle my eyebrows at her.
    DM: She gazes into your eyes [dice]. You feel like putting down roots. Literally.

    NecroGnome: I pull out my axe. "Leave him alone, or the tree gets it!" Please don't be an Ent.
    DM: The tree looks down at you.
    NecroGnome: Dammit!

    MonkeyMonk: I pull out a cask of brandy
    DM The 400-year old Dwarvish Brandy?
    PalaDwarf: Nooooooo!

    DM: PalaDwarf, your turn.
    PalaDwarf: I run up to the dryad, and start licking the brandy off her arm.
    DuelistDude: That doesn't sound very Paladin-like.
    PalaDwarf: Priorities.
    DM: You see it pooling on a couple other parts...

    PalaDwarf: I get it! It's a Man Grove!
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  9. - Top - End - #309
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    I'd check out the '70 maxims of a successful space pirate' then. It's from an ongoing comic series called 'Shlock Mercinaries'.
    darn, i'm really gonna have to read it, i've been dodging it for years fearing an archive binge, but all i've heard from it is "awesomesauce in webcomic form".

    related, from my b-team:

    beatstick: anyone mind if i repaint the interior dining room with victim juice?
    scout: make it artistic. i'll watch from behind the medic.

    dm: sometimes, all you need is a large blunt object. like the medic, for example! *beatstick proceeds to throw the medic on charging mooks*

    medic: well, as the dm said, i'm gonna hit them with a large blunt object. like myself, for example! *throws himself on charging mooks*

    techie: of course my gun isn't powerful enough! that last misfire only cost me my eye and half my face, not my entire head! i keep the laser rifle!

    beatstick: think percussive maintenance works on the techie?
    scout: try it on the doc first. he needs it more.

    techie: is that bacon i smell?
    beatstick, to scout: you set the medic on fire again, didn't you?

    i've rarely seen so much verbal pvp in a campaign. it was gloriously hilarious. also, they're convinced the medic's player roleplayed an overweight melee weapon.
    Spoiler: quotes
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    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  10. - Top - End - #310
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
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    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    IIRC, didn't Viridia roll a critical success there?
    I believe she did.


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    White Christmas? I'm impressed.
    The downside is it kinda dates us. >.>


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    Beware Strange Women Residing In Swamps (Or Genre Savvy Saves Lives)
    Wow, that's a lot of good quotes there. Not sure which to pick. They're all good.



    AI Computer: “The overseer robot is able to dynamically react to problems.”
    Moon: “I suppose 'dynamically react to problems' means ‘shoot them’?”
    AI Computer: “Oh, not usually. It is armed with a pair of small chainsaws, however.”

    Viridia: “Yeah, but aside from paper currency and trade roads, what has Genghis Khan ever done for us?”
    Doc: “Um, cameo in some decent movies?”

    GM: “Also, he's pretty clearly attracted to one of the pegasi in the room, although it was sort of hard to tell which one.”
    Viridia: “Joyous Noise is back?!”

    Choro: “Why are we going to Ministry Row?”
    Doc: “For the drugs?”
    Choro: “Oh, please. We could just go to any nearby toilet for those.”

    Choro: “Aaand wow. Choro just failed five rolls in a row. This is why I don't roll for things unless I know what I'm rolling for, dang it!”
    Viridia: “Dun wurry I still love you. <3 Just don't fail again, or else!”

    Moon: “Technically Moonshadow skipped the proper path to the server via Hunger Spirit Trapped in a Hologram thing.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
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  11. - Top - End - #311
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "You survived trolls to almost get mauled by a boar?"
    "You don't get it, that beast was hellish in proportions and aggressiveness. I swear, as it was about to gore me to death, he screamed at me: 'CALL ME MR. PIG!'"

    "Three days ago she was about to nuke the entire city, yesterday she brought us back to life after we were brutally murdered by hags, now she's singing and laughing with us around the campfire. Isn't she adorable?"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-08 at 10:19 AM.

  12. - Top - End - #312
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “Also, he's pretty clearly attracted to one of the pegasi in the room, although it was sort of hard to tell which one.”
    Viridia: “Joyous Noise is back?!”
    Imagine V saying that in character, while looking about frantically

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Moon: “Technically Moonshadow skipped the proper path to the server via Hunger Spirit Trapped in a Hologram thing.”
    Huh, magic and science do interact after all!

  13. - Top - End - #313
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Root: "Clara is hurt and needs surgery. I must help her!"
    Lucian(As shoulder angel): "You have to! She's your responsibility!"
    Wolf(As shoulder devil): "Psst, give her bazooka boobs while you're at it!"
    Groot(As shoulder Groot): "I am Groot!"
    Geralt: "All of you, SHUT UP. Now go heal Clara, and give ME those bazooka boobs."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-09 at 07:10 AM.

  14. - Top - End - #314
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    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

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    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Imagine V saying that in character, while looking about frantically
    With sarcasm though. Thanatos hasn't made many good decisions, considering we've met at gun point. :o


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    Geralt: "All of you, SHUT UP. Now go heal Clara, and give ME those bazooka boobs."
    So... are they just boobs or do they actually fire missiles or something?



    Doc: “Meanwhile Doc is shining the flashlight at Stellar.”
    Choro: “...So you're saying Doc's carrying a torch for Stellar?”
    Doc: “I hope not. Cause otherwise she'd kick my plot for doing that while still promised to Mirror.”

    Viridia: “I just had a thought. What if, and don't dismiss this out of hand, what if we turned Thanatos into meat and sent it to the Olive family?”
    GM: “Abusing the factory's abilities is exactly the reason why I'm glad that the current plan is to just burn it to the ground.”
    Doc: “Condolences on your now canned nephew. He's shelf stable for 10 years.”

    Doc: “They're not bodies at this point. They're takeout.”
    Viridia: “They're toast. Or, at least they'll go well with it. They're sleeping with the fishes...on your plate. They're finished. Just add salt.”
    Choro: “You guys get oddly dark while I'm asleep.”
    Moon: “We (or at least I do) keep forgetting that apparently there are some ponies to rescue somewhere around here.”
    Viridia: “...there are ponies in this game?”

    Viridia: “I guess Viridia has no way to contact Fan Knife? Other than yelling for her senpai?”
    GM: “Viridia should ask Doc to see if earth ponies can communicate telepathically with each other. Fan Knife probably needs to train him in ki or something, anyway.”
    Doc: “Sure, I'll take some training in a ki ability.”
    GM: “First step; accept the glorious superiority of earth pony magic.”
    Viridia: “That's an oxymoron.”
    GM: “Hey, don't make slurs against brahmin, now.”
    Viridia: “But we weren't talking about your mom?”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  15. - Top - End - #315
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Doc: “I hope not. Cause otherwise she'd kick my plot for doing that while still promised to Mirror.”
    I heard 'plot' is an euphemism for the hindquarters.

    Also, I seem to have overestimated the usefulness of Thanatos. What did I expect out of someone with such an evil name anyway?
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-08-11 at 02:24 AM.

  16. - Top - End - #316
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "No, bad Paladin! No glassing the planet!"

  17. - Top - End - #317
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "You survived trolls to almost get mauled by a boar?"
    "You don't get it, that beast was hellish in proportions and aggressiveness. I swear, as it was about to gore me to death, he screamed at me: 'CALL ME MR. PIG!'"
    I think every gaming group has a Boar Horror Story.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  18. - Top - End - #318
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    HalfTangible's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    I think every gaming group has a Boar Horror Story.
    No, but I have a demon frog story
    Last edited by HalfTangible; 2017-08-09 at 02:00 PM.
    Hate me if you want. But that's your issue to fix, not mine.

    Primal ego vos, estis ex nihilo.

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  19. - Top - End - #319
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    I think every gaming group has a Boar Horror Story.
    Even Space Marines have trouble with pigs!
    Warhammer 40,000 Campaign Skirmish Game: Warpstrike
    My Spelljammer stuff (including an orbit tracker), 2E AD&D spreadsheet, and Vault of the Drow maps are available in my Dropbox. Feel free to use or not use it as you see fit!
    Thri-Kreen Ranger/Psionicist by me, based off of Rich's A Monster for Every Season

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Varis: I open the door.
    DM: There are zombie experiments in that room.
    Varis: I open the next door.
    DM: There are construct experiments in that room.
    Varis: I open the next door.
    DM: There are owlbear experiments in that room.
    Varis: I open the next door.
    DM: There are experiment experiments in that room.
    Link to true signature
    Feel free to sig anything I post, just do so in quote format.

  21. - Top - End - #321
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

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    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I heard 'plot' is an euphemism for the hindquarters.
    In the pony fandom it generally is, yeah, but in real world equestrian terminology it doesn't exist. It's purely an MLP creation.


    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Also, I seem to have overestimated the usefulness of Thanatos. What did I expect out of someone with such an evil name anyway?
    Watch the old cartoon series Gargoyles. Best Thanatos can be found there.


    Quote Originally Posted by TurboGhast View Post
    DM: There are experiment experiments in that room.
    Someone is abusing their grant money.



    Doc: “Delicious.”
    Viridia: “You called?”

    GM: “Apples solve everything.”
    Viridia: “Appled
    A character with the Appled condition cannot speak. She takes a -4 penalty on Performance (Sing), Diplomacy, and Bluff checks. She automatically fails when casting spells with verbal components. This condition can only be removed by spending a Full-Round Action to eat the apple.
    ~
    PEACH.”

    Choro: “One thing the Stables have over the Wasteland--Basic manners.”
    Doc: “Like how Choro completely ignored Doc's suggestion to contact Moonshadow for updates?”

    Doc: “When you said not to be alarmed over a ‘DM doc’, for some reason I didn't first think of a document with your notes on it.”

    Viridia: “Why does nobody ever listen when an NPC is obviously evil? I feel like we could find Discord and people would be like ‘Hmm, he seems like a steady ally. Let's take no precautions whatsoever, but accept his words at face value’. We should change our party name to ‘The Turncoat's Dream’.”

    GM: “There's probably five things wrong with what Crunchmunch is doing and shooting a robot is likely the best way to address them.”

    Viridia: “What do I roll to grease lightning?”
    GM: “Hey, now, this is a PG 13 rated forum.”
    Doc: “I dunno, I'd pay to see Viridia in a biker jacket.”
    Viridia: “Said the only artist in the group.”
    GM: “Aren’t you an artist? Can't you... art it into existence? That's how it works, right?”

    Doc: “I think one of the real crimes going on here is that we have a flamethrower that has yet to see any usage.”
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-08-10 at 08:16 AM.
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  22. - Top - End - #322
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    [SPOILER=Responses]
    Doc: “I think one of the real crimes going on here is that we have a flamethrower that has yet to see any usage.”
    impulse... control... dropping... must obey... trigger discipline!!

    ... and i wonder why my dm keeps yelling at me to tone down the gleeful overkill.
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  23. - Top - End - #323
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “Apples solve everything.”
    I'm still convinced that Applejack just stuffed her empty hoof down their throats.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Viridia: “What do I roll to grease lightning?”
    GM: “Hey, now, this is a PG 13 rated forum.”
    Alright, I'm lost. Google isn't helping.
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-08-11 at 02:29 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #324
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Fine, okay, you win. Tentacles can be used to play guitar."

  25. - Top - End - #325
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Cleric: I take out the mason jar filled with brain juice.
    DM: Are we playing Cards Against Humanity now?

    DM: You are wounded and almost paralyzed at the bottom of the pit, together with your bard ally and the giant worm-beast. What do you do?
    Wizard: ...I teleport out.
    DM: Very well. The wizard disappears in a puff of smoke and re-appears atop the pit's edge.
    Bard: YOU BASTARD!

    Wizard: I cast Fire Bolt at where I suspect the monster is.
    DM: Roll with disadvantage.
    Wizard: That's 18 or... 6. Gotta love natural 1s.
    DM: You don't seem to have hit the creature in the magical darkness, but you do suddenly smell burning paper.
    Wizard: Well crap.

    Wizard: Prestidigitation saves the day again!

    Cleric: I don't suppose I can heal the darkmantle?
    DM: First you shot it with magic, then you tried to set it on fire, then you pierced it with a rapier, then you whacked it with a mace, and then you somehow insulted it to death, causing it to fall a hundred feet into an enclosure populated by giant acid-spitting bugs. There's hardly anything left to heal at this point.
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  26. - Top - End - #326
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Bard: "Let's use the Lantern of Life to resurrect him, quick!"
    Barbarian:"Wait a bleeping minute. He was a venerable Kobold. You're going to waste the one resurrection we may have in the entire adventure on someone who literally taunted the guy who was stabbing him to death and will live maybe one more year after this is all over?"
    Bard:"Ah, you're right...let's use our Wish to reincarnate him!"

    "You do realize that since the two of them got together they never had a single chance to 'do it', right? What I'm saying is, should any of you ask her if you can 'steal him for a minute', that's the same thing as taking the food bowl away from a hungry puppy. Except the puppy will probably paralyze you, cocoon you and display you as a warning to the others."

    "These cats o' nine tails are a real bargain. They're just eight coins each, that's less than one coin per tail"

    "No, you can't get your princess back from the dragon by trading her with your flask of endless sake. Orochi he ain't."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-12 at 11:18 AM.

  27. - Top - End - #327
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    impulse... control... dropping... must obey... trigger discipline!!
    I know, right? We could have wrapped this dungeon up in a nice burnt crisp and be home in time for Linner.


    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Alright, I'm lost. Google isn't helping.
    I'm sure it's innuendo.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Fine, okay, you win. Tentacles can be used to play guitar."
    Well, yeah, they could. But how are they with a saxophone?


    Quote Originally Posted by Inevitability View Post
    Wizard: That's 18 or... 6. Gotta love natural 1s.
    Like an ingrown toenail.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "You do realize that since the two of them got together they never had a single chance to 'do it', right? What I'm saying is, should any of you ask her if you can 'steal him for a minute', that's the same thing as taking the food bowl away from a hungry puppy. Except the puppy will probably paralyze you, cocoon you and display you as a warning to the others."
    That would be a pretty effective warning for anyone NOT a PC. ;)



    Digo: "I'll try to get there as close to midnight as possible, but without going over."
    Mel: "This is not 'The Price is Right'."
    Nick: "He's meeting the Thieves guild, there's always a price that's right."

    Nick: "Oh, so it's Eddie the after dinner mint."

    Merchant: "So what particular spell did you want?"
    Chris: "Mount."
    Merchant: "Sorry, I'm not into you."
    Nick: "But isn't this the Adventurer's guild?"
    Chris: "I'm not going on that kind of adventure."
    Nick: "Not with that attitude you won't."

    Chris: "I'm the one with the elfen magic."
    Nick: "I'm the one who carried the elf!"
    Chris: "Hmm, good point."

    Nick: "That's gonna be a bone if you run full tilt on your phantom steed and hit an antimagic zone."

    Digo: "It's not the cooties I worry about, it's the backwash."

    Digo: "I'll buy two quivers worth."
    GM: "Pfft, okay, epilepsy all around."
    Nick: "Here's your Robin Hood starter set."
    Digo: "Suction cups on the arrow tips? Really?"
    Chris: "Who was the previous owner, Daffy Duck?"

    Nick: "You wear this hat and it comes with a free bowl of soup, but it looks good on you."

    GM: "He witnessed an execution and then built Habitats for Orcs."

    Chris: "I can make a light horse, or a pony."
    Digo: "The light horse shines out to 60 feet."
    Chris: "I don't even have to stable them. I'll name him Tesla. He's self parking."

    GM: "We're all workers in a technological society. Pages and Paychecks."

    Nick: "Four bells and the king's a fink!"
    Digo: "What, are you the Wizard of Id?"
    Nick: "Yeah."

    Digo: "Can you ask your patron god for tips on fighting blue dragons?"
    Bahamut: "Don't get eaten."
    Digo: "How about some advice not written on a Crackerjack box?"

    GM: "Ethan is 4 by 4 by 4."
    Digo: "Built like a dwarf."

    Chris: "Did we get the insurance on the horses?"
    Digo: "Like a good neighbor, Stablefarm is there?"

    Mayor: "I was informed that you are... down one horse?"
    Digo: "No, it was resurrected."
    GM: "Freya you mean?"
    Nick: "No, that was princess Luna with the coffee."
    GM: "Oh that's right, the dragon with the wings."
    Digo: "Yeah, it was a weird night."

    Nick: "Let's replace the tiger's litter box with pop-rocks and see what happens."
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  28. - Top - End - #328
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Nick: "No, that was princess Luna with the coffee."
    GM: "Oh that's right, the dragon with the wings."
    Digo: "Yeah, it was a weird night."
    Yeah, she's supposed to be a pony with wings and magic!

  29. - Top - End - #329
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Barbarian:"If I used my wish to grow my ear back, would that be a dumb wish?"
    NPC: "Nope, that would be a deaf wish."
    Bard OOC: "I use Vocal Alteration to get that weird demonic reverberating voice, you know the one. And then I say..."
    "...DIE!"

    Djnn:"Come on, what do you wish for? Power? Money? Beautiful scantily clad genies of your favoured gender? Removing GoT spoilers from your head?"
    Barbarian:"Well, since I'm a barbarian I was thinking of wishing to become a Plant creature."
    Djinn:"A...plant creature?"
    Barbarian:"Yeah. A Rhubarb-arian!"
    DM OOC: "Can you wish for a sense of humor instead?"

    DM: "Alright, the gig with the Genie was bad. Next thing you'll be playing as Mrs.Doubtfire."
    Djinn: "I've done that once, can do that again!"

    Ninja: "Just go ask Cthulhu if he has any ice cream left!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-08-13 at 03:21 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #330
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

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    Apr 2017

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Oh my god, after many months of casually browsing this series of threads from the first post I have finally caught up. I'm so proud

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