Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Mutazoia]

Oberon: Blake, I need you to be subtle...
Blake: [Quick draws pistol and points it at Oberon] He's a pod-person!
Oberon: Huh? what are you -
Blake: Quiet, pod-person! The REAL Oberon would know I do subtle about as well as a rodeo in a nitroglycerin factory!
Stella: [Fingering her neural whip] He does have a point....
Oberon: Don't YOU start...

[Eno Remnant]

Your wish is granted! IC, of course. Now Choro, relay the incident of the magic panties!

Spoiler: Context, by Choro

Show

"What's a panty?"

"Mmm, I'm sorry, but I have no more idea than you do. I think it's just the humans saying silly things when planning tactics."

That honestly just raises even more questions. However, it shall suffice. As promised, one set of weird dialogue:

Nick: “That'll be two rooms, and...”

Sera: "Isn't two rooms all to yourself a bit extravagant, Nick?"

Nick: "I hope you're not planning on staying up all night, little miss. We have places to be in the morning."

Sera (*whiny child voice*): "It's a level 1 spell to keep me awake! I don't wanna go to bed, it's boring!"

Caesera: Confused

Sera (OOC): "Please mister, just forget all about Sera using complicated words like 'extravagant'."

DM: Jarri was sufficiently thrown by her acting skills.

Nick: "I know, little miss, but what will I do if you fall asleep in the middle of the day tomorrow? I cannot carry you everywhere."

Sera: "Don't worry, I'm a big girl, with big girl magic! I won't get tired."

Nick: "Big girls need to get their rest, Sera. A spell is not the same as a good night's sleep. And besides, what if some scary monster comes along and tries to eat you? You'll have wasted a perfectly good spell staying awake."

(Caesera: More confused "But if there was a monster, I would kill it.")

(Nick: "Not if I beat you to it. But you never know.")

Sera: "I'd give it indeg-... indig-... indigestion if it tried to eat me!"

Nick: "So you would. But I'd rather not have you in a monster's belly at all."

Sera (OOC): "As tasty as I might look," ;) "I'm not easy to swallow."

Sera: "Hmph! If you make me stay in a room, I'll just... I'll shine at you all night! You won't get a wink of sleep!"

Nick: "I live with my own light at all hours of the day. What makes you think that'll work?"

Sera: "I... um... er.. well.. I'm brighter?"

None of the characters involved were below the human equivalent of twenty years old.

[Archpaladin Zousha]

"We're trying to commit murder here, not arson!"

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

None of the characters involved were below the human equivalent of twenty years old.

That wasn't my first question...

"We're trying to commit murder here, not arson!"

Gotta have standards, right?

GM: "There haven't been any bandit attacks for the past month."
Digo: "What, they get paid time off?"
Nick: "It's a union gig."

Chris: *studies unicorn poop*
GM: "Make an alchemy check."
Chris: *rolls a 30*
GM: "Okay, you have this stuff, and it's the purest... um..."
Nick: "Purest what? Did Chris just go Breaking Bad on us? Did he turn magical unicorn poop into blue crack rocks?"
Digo: "Um, how would he-"
Nick: "It's unicorn poop! You're the brony here, you explain it!"

Nick: "Chris just invented the best alchemical powder that can help you gaze into the future."
Digo: "Cool, what's it called?"
Nick: "Oxycontin! Trust me, you'll see things."

Chris: "You're not dumb... but you're not smart either."

Nick: "We could invent modern plumbing in this realm! Pump the **** right out of your house!"
Digo: "You know, a half-sized Decanter of Endless Water would make for a great bidet."
GM: "Oww! Don't forget the right command word or you'll never wipe again."
Digo: "Put your moon on the moon! Order now!"

Nick: "Ah! Oh! Eee! Ah!"
Chris: "Pick a vowel, will you?"

Nick: "What is the spear's stats? What does it do?"
Chris: "I dunno, I'm just a wizard."
Digo: "Pointy end toward enemy."

GM: "You can command the tip to burst into flames for an extra d6 fire damage."
Nick: "Oh, good for proctology exams. Because no one likes cold hands."
Mel: "What did I just wake up to?"
GM: "Nick got a hold of William's flaming spear."
Chris: "Except William isn't here, so it's detached from him."
Nick: "But don't worry, I have proficiency in two-handed hafts."
Mel: "I'm going back to bed."

Duke: "The normal sewer cleaners never came back, so we sent a second team. They disappeared."
Nick: "Ah, so you want us to go and find out what happened to them?"
Duke: "Well, I already did hire another group, but they disappeared. So I talked to the mayor and he sent some guards."
Chris: "Let me guess, they too disappeared?"
Duke: "Indeed. I'm out of options at this point."
Nick: "Wait, so not only are we not your first choice, we're not a choice at all?"
Digo: "Welp, I'm gonna go finish painting cutie marks on our warhorses. See ya."

Duke: "There's little in the coffers to fund your expedition into the sewers."
Digo: "Well that's a crappy proposal."
Duke: "I can offer 500 gold, and claim to whatever equipment the previous expeditions had."
Chris: "I suppose we can at least get some favors from the mayor out of this for later?"
Digo: "Have too, since the reward seems flushed."
Nick: "You're trying real hard for this, aren't you?"
Digo: "I know, I know, I'm straining to start a commode-sion."
Duke: "Could you just go take the job already?!"
Chris: "Yeah, let's go prepare."
Digo: "Okay, time to give this city some relief!"

Nick: "Can we have a map of the sewers so we don't get lost?"
Duke: "I cannot. The mayor forbids it on grounds of safety."
Nick: "But... You know, I think I know why you're not having any luck figuring this out."

Digo: "Watch out, floating candy bar."

Rat Swarm: *Squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek*
Mel: "Deeg, you have Speak with Animals, right?"
Digo: *casts Speak with Animals*
Rat Swarm: "Mine mine mine mine mine mine!"

Digo: "Does your sword glow?"
GM: "She cracks it over her knee and then shakes the contents."
Nick: "What, she has a rave sword?"

Nick: "Oh great, it's a three-toast fight."

[Eno Remnant]

That wasn't my first question...

Well now you've got me curious again.

From a spin-off of the previously quoted adventure, which is itself a spin-off from another adventure, and that is a spin-off from a campaign:

Nick: "So, who's for a game of Truth or Dare?"
Sera: "Rules?"
Nick: "Sounds Lawful, and boring."
Sera: "Er... Safe word?"

Caesera: "I-if I must."
Nick: "I'm not going to be the one that forces you if you don't want to."
Beat
Nick: "That's Sera's job."

Caesera: There is no Caesera left. There is only the blush.

[ZeroGear]

Everyone take a wild guess where this session went...

Nyfe: "Anyone see Buster or Wyzz?"
Sypher: "They entered the kitchen hours ago and then there was a flash and smoke."
Nyfe: "Right then, rescue mission time."
Sypher: What makes you think they're in trouble?"
Nyfe: "Have you met our companions?"

Nyfe: "'Mama Jamba's International House of Voodoo'? Really?"
Rivit: "I'm sure the lady here can help us."
Nyfe: "Sure...oh hey! A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle!"

Mama Jamba: "I see your friends..."
Nyfe: "Alright..."
Mama Jamba: "I see... a giant monkey..."
Nyfe: "Oh no..."
Mama Jamba: "I see your friends in the giant monkey..."
Nyfe: "I know where this is going."

Buster: "This is the last time you get to cook!"
Wyzz: "I said I was sorry. At least..."
Buster: "DON'T SAY IT!"
Dealer: All of the sudden, you hear a rustling in the bushes nearby.
Buster: *Glares at Wyzz*

Solvo: "Ah, my old foes. Nice of you to drop in."
Buster: "Not like we had much of a choice."
Wyzz: "So what now?"
Solve: "Now? Oh, simple my hated adversary. See that pit of acid below you?"
Wyzz: "It's kinda hard to miss given our predicament."
Solvo: "When the clock strikes twelve, it will trigger that gun, which will fore a round at that balloon, which will drop a weight on that panel, which will set that mouse free, which will go eat that cheese, which will drop that ball, which will hit that gong, which will wake up that owl, which will release that lever, which will ignite that candle, which will burn the rope holding you, which will drop you in that vat of acid."
Wyzz: "And then we die?"
Solvo: "Oh no. Then, I will take your bones, still alive, and make them into a chair. I shall call it, my 'Screaming Chair'! And I shall sit in it every day and listen to your wails of agony while I take my breakfast. So, till then, try to remember the folly of your actions that led you to this doom." *leaves*
Buster: "What about me?"
Wyzz: "An ottoman or table comes to mind."

Rivit: "I think we found the place."
Nyfe: "What makes you say that?"
Mutant Monkey Guards: "Oeo, Yo-oh!"
Nyfe: "Ah."

Rivit: "So here's how we're getting in: Nyfe, put this on."
Nyfe: "Why are you handing me an arabian harem costume?"
Rivit: "You're going to go distract the guard...by doing a belly dance."
Nyfe: "WHAT?"

Nyfe: "Hey you big apes!"
MMG: *all turn to look at Nyfe*
Nyfe: *Royal Straight on check to distract the enemy*
Sypher: Seems like our nefarious plan is working.
Nyfe: My hips don't lie!

Wyzz: "Hey, you're a gorilla, aren't you?"
GG: "Ook, ook, yes, me gorilla!"
Wyzz: "I thought gorillas were only found in Africa."
GG: "Ook, ook, yes. Me from Africa."
Wyzz: "That means, you can't be here."
GG: "Ook...huh, guess you're right."
Dealer: And then the gorilla vanished in a puff of smoke.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Well now you've got me curious again.

I think my first question is what is Sera...

Nick: "That's Sera's job."

...Cause whenever I think I have an idea, I don't.

Nyfe: "Sure...oh hey! A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle!"

Mama Jamba: "I see your friends in the giant monkey..."
Nyfe: "I know where this is going."

Dang it, now I gotta go install these games and play them again. Shoo, where is my install CD for the third game?

Dealer: And then the gorilla vanished in a puff of smoke.

Convenient. :D

Viridia: *fetched Choro and brought her most of the way to the group*
Choro: “Hey, Ms. Viridia. You realize if you keep on doing this, somepony's going to make bridle carry jokes?”

GM: “Doc successfully revived Moonshadow and healed Stellar; yeash, when's the last time he had to treat machine gun wounds? The last thing he really needs is for more members of the group to get diced, chunked, or fried, or, in the case of Moonshadow, cooked in their own juices in a sealed container. Seriously, if bullets were bits, Moonshadow had enough pieces of metal in her to pay for a meal and a drink at any reputable wasteland establishment.”

Stellar: “I could have done with a little bit of warning that it had a machine gun!”
Choro: “We should probably do something about that vat! It's full of Evil. And I thiiiink it's sentient. And angry.”
Doc: “If it ain't armed with machine guns and flame throwers, it can wait!”

Doc: “I hope Choro isn't creating a Patient Zero situation pulling whoever is in that vat out.”
Choro: “I don't think you need to worry about that. Since when has the word 'patient' been associated with Choro?”

Choro: “Oh… hell. Guys, Choro may have just awakened Chicken Nugget C'thulhu. And what I want to know... is why none of you stopped me from doing this?!”
Doc: “What part of MOONSHADOW FIRST did you not understand, C?”
Viridia: “Wait, what did Choro do?”
GM: “The sludge in the vat came up as a single green dot, and she assumed it was a trapped friendly when it was, in fact, all a singular pink slime monster about the size of an adult dragon.”
Viridia: “...hate u Choro.”
Choro: “Hey, you have a shiny new murder bot in part because of me! And at least Choro didn't bring the slime monster out, right?”
[Beat]
Choro: “Now we just need to find a giant lid...”

Moon: “I love that flamethrowers on robots are standard issue, but not sprinkler systems.”

[Eno Remnant]

I think my first question is what is Sera...




...Cause whenever I think I have an idea, I don't.

Spoiler: Dreaded Context

Show

She's a half-nymph that died at the age of eleven, and was promptly raised as a deathless. She's presently twenty-five years old, but she's dead, so she's stuck in a child's body. Basically a reverse Babette (ala Skyrim), who started Evil and became Good.

Her class is a homebrew from the Playground, that includes a light aura.

Caesera is her... handler, though she can't handle her very well.

And her varying adult and child-like speech is just her messing with people.

She's a very strange character in a party of strange characters.

[Joe the Rat]

Spoiler: Non sequitur

Show

Digo: "I know, I know, I'm straining to start a commode-sion."

A change of diet might help with that.

Try not to die before I kill you

DM: As soon as MonkeyMonk climbs out of the pit, he begins to convulse violently. Monkey, take 11 damage.
NecroGnome: I try to diagnose what's going on. (Insane Medicine roll). Is it tetanus?
DM: Suuuuuper Tetanus.
NecroGnome: I try to come up with a treatment. Do I cure him?
DM: Well, you have an idea what sorts of herbs and extracts might work, and could probably get something brewed up in a few hours... though you think he might be dead by then. Alternatively, you might consider using one of those miraculous healing spells you know, seeing as you're a Cleric.

NecroGnome: last time I walked through an energy wall, I almost died.
MonkeyMonk: You did die.
GoblinBard: Does that mean this one will bring him back to life?
NecroGnome: Noooo! I don't want to have to breathe again!

DM: You clearly see where the secret door is, but you cannot find an opening mechanism of any kind.
NecroGnome: I use my axe
PalaDwarf: You can't open every door with violence.
ElfKnight: I could use Knock. But it's a bit noisy.
MonkeyMonk: Louder than NecroGnome hacking at a wall?
DM: A thunderous sound everyone within a hundred yards will clearly hear? Mayyyybe...

DM makes a lound banging sound Hmm... that wasn't quite loud enough on the headseat. Maybe I should drop some books-
Party: No!

NecroGnome: We could use Knock again...
ElfKnight: Alright. here we go.
DM: As the spell echoes through the narrow hall, and the bricks start folding away, you see two rows of soldiers in heavy armor, crossbows at the ready.
FairyHalfling: See?! They heard us!
NecroGnome: I shout "Pizza Delivery!"
DM: They don't know what that is. Actually, Highcastle is ersatz Florence, so they do know what that is. They shoot you anyway.

DM: The leader swings at ElfKnight, for... (rolls) half your hit points.
ElfKnight: Ouch.
DM: ...and at NecroGnome for... 18
NecroGnome: I'm tough.
DM: and at MonkeyMonk-
NecroGnome: Oh crap.

MonkeyMonk: We're getting hammered here, and PalaDwarf is at the other end of the hall. I'm starting to reconsider our "split the party" strategy.

NecroGnome: There! That should take him down!
DM: He's not even bloodied. Doubled over in fits from GoblinBard's spell, the leader laughs uncontrollably.
Sir Bluto: "You fools! hee hee hee! I'm going to - ha! - kill every last one of you - hah haw haw haw! - Starting with y-you (pointing to the Gnome) Ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
NecroGnome: (panicking) PalaDwarf!

PalaDwarf: I cast bless on ElfKnight, MonkeyMonk, and NecroGnome.
NecroGnome: Ew! Bad touch! Bad touch!
MonkeyMonk: "Now show the court where the Paladin layed hands on you"

[D.KnightSpider]

I have no idea why this amuses me, but it does.

"Well you did just take off half his health."
"Wait by crate or frag grenade?"
"It would have to be by crate. [The GM] made that comment before Sniper rewound time enough to drop a frag on Sully."

[Necroticplague]

Gene:O.k, who's the best at picking locks here.
*Deafening silence*
Gene:Setting our sights lower, who has opposable thumbs here?
*Further deafening silence*
Gene: Even lower standards, does anyone here even have hands?

[Gallade]

DM: "It's an owlbear, the offspring of a deranged experiment to make a crossbreed between owls and bears"
Geralt: "Root, did you do some weird experiments with the animals around here?"
Root: "Not yet, why?"

Lucian:"I...uh, anoint the owlbear with my awesomeness"
DM: "He imprints on you and becomes a bit more awesome. He's your mount now."

DM: "The babau tries to bite you and..."
(Critical fail)
DM: "...swallows your rifle's barrel."
Root: "This will either be very fun or very awkward"

(1 round later)
Root: "SWALLOW THIS!"
(Critical hit)
DM: "Okay, the Babau's head just explodes"
Root: "Shop smart, shop...smart"
Lucian: "........it ended up being both."

Root: "We're both being enthralled by the Mistress, does that make you my little sister? Because I always wanted one."

Root: "I just have to replace half of my Blood Cells. Any of you got a spare spleen?

[DigoDragon]

[Dreaded Context]

Yeah, wasn't close at all.


Doc: “So if Doc ever decides to embrace the mad scientist side, he could join Stitch to make that happen.”
GM: “Or, you know, just become you're average wasteland scientist.”

Viridia: “Brit & Bridle. That's the thread name for when we inevitably reach Fallout Pony Britain.”
GM: “Bit and Bridle, of course, is when the party hits the strip club.”
Viridia: “Bit & Bridal is for when zombies attack Doc's wedding.”
Doc: “Ah. Probably should take a page from Calhoun and Felix's wedding.”
GM: “Viridia, why do you intend to stop Doc's wedding?”
Moon: “Because Mirror Armor belongs in Viridia's harem of course.”
Doc: “Well she can't have Mirror. It wouldn't reflect highly upon her harem's roster.”
Viridia: “I'm looking to debut my new product, Wedding 3000. It offers several improvements over the old Wedding, including built-in Gay Marriage (No need to ask your provider for the add-on!), an array of brand new skins (Wedding kigurumi, anyone?), and everything has built-in springs to save stamina for that special night.”

Secondary Objective: “Find your missing companions herp derp we're bad at the videogames making.”

Choro: “I'm not sure what to do. Choro's not spotted Strata running away and the vat creature is still controlled, so... I guess she should attack the Overseer?”
Doc: “If Choro wants access to the server here, we have to put the fire out. But before we can put the fire out we need to kill the overseer. I hope that helps your decision making.”

Choro: “I am starting to consider Choro crushing on Thanatos a little. It takes bravery to enter this room without a suit, even with back up. And hey, if I ran with that idea, it'd give Viridia a relationship to disapprove of even more than Doc/Mirror, right?”
Doc: “That's... not a goal you should be striving for.”

[Gallade]

Geralt: "Number crunching time."
Root: "My favourite! What is it this time?"
Geralt: "See if I'm strong enough to lift a dragon."

(Lots of number crunching later)

Root: "Well, bad news is you can't lift a mature adult dragon. Good news is you're strong enough to push it."
Geralt: "Good enough for me."
Root: "What good does pushing a dragon do?"
Geralt: "Show him who's boss."

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “I hope he does get a lethal disease. One that makes his peanut pony penis rot off, hit the floor, bounce and hit the trigger of a nearby rifle that blows his face off.”
Moon: “Your grudges are a constant source of joy in this game.”

Moon: “Moonshadow would be so jelly if Viridia got into the Enclave without her.”
Viridia: “Viridia would take Moony and then they can be best Enclave buddies and mack on babes together.”
Moon: “Definitely the best ending for Moonshadow.”
Doc: “Yeah, but I have this feeling we're going to have an ending like OotS, where only Elan gets the good ending. And I'm not sure yet which one of us is Elan.”

Doc: “The one thing that would have been beautiful is if the fire damage triggered as an additional insult to the injury.”
Moon: “Proving once and for all you can always set something on fire more.”

Moon: “Do you need anything more then some suggestive eyebrow waggles at this point? Actually screw that, Viridia should be able to pick up chicks by simply being in the same room as them.”

Viridia: “This voice in my head has stopped being useful.”
Moon: “When did it start being useful?”

GM: “I concur; it likely came from either inside or outside the facility.”

GM: “The end result is something that looks like it's allowing some far more flexible movement then what would otherwise be allowed by typical reinforced armor.”
Viridia: “Y'know what's more flexible? Nudity. You should make all of the NPCs go without armor.”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Steel: Are there naked statues of him everywhere?
GM: Not in the hanger bay, no.

Yukari: We went full Megas and crashed the MTV satellite into the moon.

Yukari: Once again I remind you, we are the good guys.

Butler: Please put that down. It is a rare and highly toxic blood plant.
Kula: Okay *throws plant at Butler*

Butler: Your combat skills are impressive. Clearly you are a better class of species than your friends.
Yukari: Yes. I am. *slowly turns to stare at Steel*
Steel: ...Insult logged.

GM: He gets up and spits out a few teeth.
Yukari: That's unusual, considering he got hit in the stomach.

Sabrina: He killed the Emperor and stole my ship. Also he stared at my tits during the last banquet. Kill him.


And there ends another successful campaign! Special thanks to Kula (Cave Woman out of time), Steel/Madeline (Advanced combat androids, both played by the same player), Bruce (Kleptomaniac Gangster/cop), Yukari (Half-oni ninja princess (me)) and the GM.

Starting in September: the continuation of Battle Century G.

[Rysto]

Kyousuke: "But what proof do we have that you're even telling the tru--" *Magical pendant around his neck begins to choke him*. "Okay, okay, I got it! Jeez, mom never said anything about this thing having a mind of its own."

Kyousuke: "What do you mean, secret identity? I don't have--" *Looks at pendant in horror.*. "No. You're not suggesting... It can't be. I'm a boy!"
Rei: "Hello, Magical Girl Kitori."

Head Thug: "Give us all your cash."
Smarter Thug: "Uh, boss? They... they have a mecha."
Kanna: "Oh, you poor dears! Here, just a minute, where did I -- there we go!" *Mecha passes a wad of bills down to the lead thug*
Kanna: "And, ah, anybody got a pen? No, here, let's see..." *Mecha scratches an address into the road* "A kind old lady runs this place, she'll give you a good meal if you ask nicely. Just watch out for the dumplings."

Kitori: "Oh god, is this a miniskirt?"

Kitori: "I really hope that you were right that nobody will recognize us. I'll just die if somebody does ... and I just used the phrase 'I'll just die' seriously."
Shiki: "Trust me, unless you show and/or tell, nobody knows. Unless they're omniscient. But I swear, that only happens once or twice."

Kanna (to herself): "... You're sure? They seem pretty real, but--"
Kanna (loudly): "Hey, Mercenary-san? Are you real? My friend here says that you're not. I want to make sure before anyone who is real gets endangered."

Shiki: "Hey!!! Where are you taking us? Because anybody with a pair of binoculars, a pack of thumb tacks and a map could find you wherever you park this heap if you fly it straight home!"

[digiman619]

Kyousuke: "What do you mean, secret identity? I don't have--" *Looks at pendant in horror.*. "No. You're not suggesting... It can't be. I'm a boy!"
Rei: "Hello, Magical Girl Kitori."

Let the record show that you can have a magical girl transformation and remain male:

[DigoDragon]

And there ends another successful campaign!

That sounded much more fun than the flustering chicken cluck of a session we had in our session last night. It started off with the GM insisting we wait two and a half hours for the wizard's player to show up before we could start (our last session ended on initiatives for combat), only for the GM to one shot the wizard dead in the first combat round. It got progressively more frustrating from there. :/


Digo: "On the breadloaf morality chart, the GM reuses the tie wrap."

GM: "Which letter is that on the battle mat?"
Battle mat: *only has numbers for the tokens*
Digo: "She's aiming for the capital number one."

GM: "The tiger stands catty-corner. Pun intended."

GM: "What is Eddie's armor class?"
Nick: "Eddie's touch AC is... donkey."

Digo: "My god, that was the longest warmup time ever. What do you have in that swordarm of yours, vacuum tubes?"

Nick: "He was the wizard's right mage-hand?"

Digo: "Apparently our mimic comes with a HEPA filter."

Cleric: "Why did you bring that smelly thing in here?"
Nick: "My mule? I bathed him. Oh, you mean the crispy creme dead body?"

Nick: "Chris, your wife has a particular set of skills. If you don't come back, she will find a way to locate your soul, and then kill you again."

GM: "So Chris and Armond wake up the next morning with titanic hangovers and no recollection of what happened last night."
Armond: "Ugh, sun is too loud."
Digo: (*from other room*) "Where'd this goat come from?"
Chris: "Well that's new."

[Gallade]

Geralt: "When did you lose your faith in the Academy?"
Root: "More or less when I scraped what was left of its best student in this test tube."

[GravityEmblem]

DM: "I swear, if you say 'dank' one more time I will shoot you with my Nerf gun!"

DM: "You now have advantage on Con saves to avoid vomiting."

Me: "WHY DO I HAVE NO INTERNAL ORGANS?!"

[ZeroGear]

GM[/B]: "So Chris and Armond wake up the next morning with titanic hangovers and no recollection of what happened last night."
Armond: "Ugh, sun is too loud."
Digo: (*from other room*) "Where'd this goat come from?"
Chris: "Well that's new."

Why is it that goat make everything funny?

Sypher: "Why is there a computer room in a giant monkey?"

Buster: "Ooh, treasure chest!"
Wyzz: "Maybe we should check it first in case it's a trap..."
Buster: *opens chest*
Treasure chest: *pops its arms out, pulls buster in, and starts munching on him*
Wyzz: "...or a mimic."

Buster: "STOP TRYING TO EAT ME!"

Rivit: "Why is that chest walking on four legs?"
Sypher: "And why is it wearing a sailor fuku?"
Wyzz: "You mean Mimic-chan? She's grown attached to Buster."
Buster: "Help please."

Buster: "Aren't we missing someone?"
Wyzz: "Yeah, where's Nyfe?"
Rivit: "Distracting the guards outside."
~~MEANWHILE~~
Nyfe: "Got any threes?"
Monkey Guard: "OOk."

Wyzz: "Any plans on getting out of here?"
Rivit: "I rigged a distraction to go off in a few moments..."
Rivit's phone: *incoming call*
Dealer: The alarms are now playing that.
Nyfe: Why is that your ringtone?

Buster: "I think we have better things to do than getting killed by a bunch of mutant apes in banana-hammocks."

Sypher: "Wyzz, I think you have a banana in your ear."
Wyzz: "What?"
Dealer: Stop, that joke's older than both of you.

Buster: "CHARGE!"
Sypher: "Remind me when charging towards the enemy became the coward option?"

[Miltonian]

From a WoD campaign.

Me: DM
Alan: The Woodsman
Lorenzo: Bandit Knight
Zephyr: Cranky NPC witch/stage magician

Zephyr: Who dares disturb Zephyr?
Lorenzo: Oh no. She speaks in third person. This can only go well.

Lorenzo: So you all see Lorenzo talking to himself, telling himself to shut up, and finally demanding to know where the chocolate is.

Lorenzo: Ready to go on a quest, Alan?
Me: To find the Keebler Elves?

Me: You could also try grovelling. She likes that.

Me: Yes. For your faithful companion, you have Clippy.

Me: Zephyr is so stunned she forgets to speak in third person.

Lorenzo: How can I get Zephyr to make you go away?
Clippy: Be nice to her. Stop annoying her. But grovelling would work better.

Clippy: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!

Alan: You are annoying the mage. Got it.

Lorenzo: I drink the deafness potion.
Clippy: Hi! I use telepathy.
Lorenzo: I drink the cure deafness potion.

Clippy: You could try super-coffee.
Lorenzo: Ooh. What does that do?
Clippy: It's coffee, but with the word 'super' in front of it.

[bulbaquil]

Clippy: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!

Heretical context? How did that come up?

On another note, quotes:

Barbarian: "I am going to rage at these little bunnies."
Sorcerer: "That just sounds wrong."

GM: "Congratu-f******-lations! Someone died!"

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Root: "More or less when I scraped what was left of its best student in this test tube."

If those those were the brightest and best of the class...

DM: "I swear, if you say 'dank' one more time I will shoot you with my Nerf gun!"

Shot 'em once for me too.

Why is it that goat make everything funny?

I don't know, but I'm adopting the goat as a pet now. He's an adorable little head-butt.

Wyzz: "You mean Mimic-chan?

Congrats, you made me cringe. XD

Lorenzo: Oh no. She speaks in third person. This can only go well.

Any character that speaks in third person has never been boring in adventures I've been in. :D

Clippy: You could try super-coffee.
Lorenzo: Ooh. What does that do?
Clippy: It's coffee, but with the word 'super' in front of it.

Essentially how coffee marketing works, yes. ;)

Barbarian: "I am going to rage at these little bunnies."
Sorcerer: "That just sounds wrong."

It does, yes.

Moon: “Choro, it's a dumb machine, and broken to boot. Don't waste your breath explaining something it can't understand. You might as well give an inspiring speech to my gun, it at least will still be here tomorrow.”

Stellar: “Your vision is horrifying. Nopony would ever choose that. I'm going to break you now.”
Stellar: *perfect crit against the Overseer’s head, severing it in half. The other half catches fire*

Viridia: “GIANT MONSTER ATTACK OVER HERE! GET YOUR JAEGERS AND COME THROWN DOWN!”

Viridia: “My murderbot's name is Dazzler, you poutine.”

Doc: “Why would the Lodge send us to destroy the factory if they're working for it and trying to kill us?”
Stellar: “Thanatos gambit - a ploy where by your death brings about some plan or other.”
Choro: “Erm, really? Cause he's right there, with a duffel bag full of grenades, seemingly ready to throw them at the slime monster.”
Viridia: “Hope he doesn't let go.”
Choro: “He's got hooves, I'm surprised he's been able to hold a bag for this long while moving. That can't be easy.”
Doc: “He's got teeth, doesn't he? Could just be carrying the bag in his mouth like most earth ponies carry stuff.”
Viridia: “Thanatos got his mother's grip.”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Forgot one last quote from the game:

Announcment: Welcome back to Earth, heroes! The date is the 31st of December, 1999. Happy near year!
Yukari: Oh good, just in time for the millenium bug.
Steel: ...Uh oh. *explodes*

That sounded much more fun than the flustering chicken cluck of a session we had in our session last night. It started off with the GM insisting we wait two and a half hours for the wizard's player to show up before we could start (our last session ended on initiatives for combat), only for the GM to one shot the wizard dead in the first combat round. It got progressively more frustrating from there. :/

Ouch. sorry to hear that. Dare I ask how it even got worse?

[DigoDragon]

Ouch. sorry to hear that. Dare I ask how it even got worse?

The short version--

Spoiler

Show

The DM kept changing the rules in an effort to screw us. For example, using Mirror Image so that when we finish off the duplicates, the real opponent actually appears on the opposite side of the battlefield, as if they teleported or were invisible the whole time. The final straw was when he tried to change the rule that leveling up our characters takes a week, instead of 1 day as it has been for the past six levels (we are 7th now).

[Guizonde]

josé: you lily-livered, chickensh*t son of a gun!!
monk: since when does josé speak cowboy?
oracle: his beret gives him a +5 to insults against camels.

[Inevitability]

Players (chanting): Murder! The! Plot! Murder! The! Plot!

[ZeroGear]

Lorenzo: So you all see Lorenzo talking to himself, telling himself to shut up, and finally demanding to know where the chocolate is.

I already like this character.

Clippy: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!

Hopefully this didn't turn into a Parasite Eve incident.

Lorenzo: I drink the deafness potion.
Clippy: Hi! I use telepathy.
Lorenzo: I drink the cure deafness potion.

Yep, I really like this guy.

Congrats, you made me cringe. XD

You're welcome.

Viridia: “GIANT MONSTER ATTACK OVER HERE! GET YOUR JAEGERS AND COME THROWN DOWN!”

Sounds reasonable.


Almost forgot, I just finished the first chapter of the fictionalized version of the pony game (the one with Drifting Dream and Sane Reason). Still needs some proofreading, and I'm having a little trouble adding breaks in the dialogue since those two tended to rapid-fire their dialogues. Anyone wanting to give it a once-over feel free to message me.