Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

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Spoiler: Heretical Context

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To make a long story short, "Reason" was the weapon of choice belonging to the lovable half-giant Thud, who was a character of Rugar's player (you can find quotes from him in Edition V page 3. He is the guy that nearly hugged the warlock to death due to being so happy he was called big). One of his famous lines is "Thud use Reason to solve problem!"

I'm actually curious if that picture is accurate or just an exaggeration.

The cake is moist and delicious. (It might also be a lie).

Ahh! I see now.

On the next level up it CAN be accurate through some new magic spells. :3

So Rose is delicious and a lie? O.o

Bo Mane: I'd like to introduce my sister (Ro), my other sister (Do) and my brothers (Chow and Lo).

Hee hee, excellent family.

Thanks We're using Dead Tree Studio's system, which is based of Kkat's system that you're using. The difference is akin to the difference between 3.5 and Pathfinder, being the same system but some things were changed for balance reasons (for example Science is split into Hacking, Chemistry and Unicorn magic instead of being rolled into one skill)

Cool. I know someone in the market for a better version of what we're using. Good luck with your game too!

Nick: "Time to baste the fear turkey!"

GM: "The kobold opens the door. You notice he's wearing just a potato sack for armor and a bucket for a helmet."
Nick: "Ah, he drew the short straw, didn't he?"
John: "How did he open the door? It was locked from our end."
GM: "The kobold has the key for this door. Still, it took him two tries to unlock it."

John: "I'm a bard, I'm not supposed to be all heroic! That's why I have you guys to do it and I just exaggerate the events in song."

Chris: "And our cleric is where?"
Mel: "She's out in the field helping a cow give birth."
Nick: "Ah, she knows midwife husbandry."
GM: "Wait, what?"

John: "A cowardly headless horseman?"
Nick: "He lost his head in battle, what else is he going to do besides panic?"

Chris: "If it gets any foggier I could mistake this place for London."

[Fire Tarrasque]

Player: "So... you created an organization of racist human wizards, and the higher ups wear red?"
DM: "Yes? And so?"
Player: "You created the KKK."
DM: "I promise this was an accident."

[Guizonde]

pf:

dm: the bard is accused of the murder of a servant, defamation of a noble family, breaking and entering, and graffitti.
grim: i'm gonna take a wild guess and say it's josé's fault...
josé: you can't prove it was me! *beat* under a dc35...

rogue trader:

dag: ok, so how did the padré manage to lose his right arm twice in 20 minutes of gameplay?
padré jace: i don't know, i'm stumped!
dm: ray, you really sure you want to keep playing bodyguard to these guys?

necron: you keep portraying me as a killing machine, but you're the guy with the body count.
ray: not my fault i prove the flesh is better than the machine.
lux: jace's numerous augmetics would prove otherwise...
jace: i catch bullets with my face! it's not my fault i suck at dodging!

[Telonius]

"I'm going to roll Knowledge (Religion) to see if I know how best to disturb the tomb."

"It looks like your Uber just left you."

[PastorofMuppets]

Me: oh yes these hot dogs are great, gluten free locally sourced and free range.
GM: ok that’s a lie you have to roll to convince him.
Me: What part was a lie? We add no gluten and are the homeless not free range or local?
GM.... damn you

GM: for the last time no. No werewolf good or bad ever Ever needs to provide or call in air support as part of a mission. You have magically strong claws and fangs, just use your f****** claws and fangs.

Me: what do you mean “no warning?” I clearly said to the hive “who else has this earth tremor power? I want to try something.” 5 others raised their hands and we left together. Clearly I was going to try and trip the San Andreas fault line.

P1 I will help you if you help me. I just need you to smuggle an elephant into my garage without anyone seeing.
P2 what why?
P1 to make my workshop.


GM: congratulations, using only Rage influenced understanding of magic items you have managed to single handedly kill the dragon.
Me: awesome
GM: and yourself.
Me : awww
GM : and the dragon’s small horde of loot
Me : oops
GM : with a Wand of Healing
Me : well I wasn’t technically wrong, snapping it did get the magic out

[LordCdrMilitant]

"Did I exterminatus that planet? I don't usually forget that kind of thing very fast."

"I'm going to save these pulse rifles to put them on the Lictor-Servitor I'm going to build. Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

[Gallade]

"I thought you were dumb as a brick. But now you're literally fighting a wall, an actual inanimate wall, AND THE WALL IS WINNING!"

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Druid: Yes! It's stupid enough to be my friend!

Druid: I can do things with animals... NO WAIT DON'T QUOTE ME!

[DigoDragon]

Me: What part was a lie? We add no gluten and are the homeless not free range or local?

O.o Gluten free is still people?


Sniper: “Hello, I'm Sniper Scope of the infamous inner conflict over ability to kill. What's your emotional baggage?”

GM: “Guess whose back, guys?”
Sniper: “Oh joy. It's the invisible dragon... and here we are without an elevator shaft.”
Love: “Can we put him back in the box?”

Love: “Anyone want to talk to the dragon?”
Rose: “And say what? 'Hey, sorry we dropped the team's second sexiest pony on your head. Want to talk this over over a cup of coffee?'”

Rose: “For the record, I did not release Powder from her prison.”
Sniper: “Also for the record, I didn't release her from custody. I transferred her to safer confinement.”
Rose: “A seat belt is hardly a 'confinement' for her.”
Sniper: “What? You're saying that eight EDF Soldiers, their Commander, Paper Pusher and an Ace Pilot aren't confinement enough?”
Rose: “Well—”
Sniper: “Don't answer that.”
Love: “Rose! Scope! Kiss already and focus!”

Rose: “Are there parachutes on this bird?”
GM: “Yes there are parachutes, but do you want to trust your life to one when there's a dragon flying around?”
Rose: “Should I trust my life to terminal velocity instead?”

Rose: “She slammed into the ground like a sack of potatoes. Mmm, potatoes. Sigh, stop listening to your brain, Rose.”

Love: “Twilight making better armor than me? I'll show her! I need to seduce the secrets away!”
GM: “Seduce Twilight? Well, not going to say it hasn't been done before, but...”
Rose: “I touched her for medical reasons!”

Love: “The weapon is so heavy! It weighs about 25lbs!”
Sniper: “13.3lbs, actually. Love already reduced the weight once.
Love: “No worries! Love will try to shrink it for next mission!”
Rose: “Aww, poor Sniper. His weapon is suffering shrinkage.”
Love: “The girth is really going to drop. It'll probably be nearly as long.”
Rose: *dies laughing*

Love: “A Star is a pretty sight that all can appreciate. The moon should not overtake its sister. Rose, I fear for my ability to look straight while I walk. This is for the world's safety.”
Rose: “...are you calling my plot titanic enough to be a weapon?”
Love: (Slams hooves) "Yes! It's a dang mind warping reality device! I need to reign in its oppressive powers to a degree that I feel comfortable enough that I can handle!”

[Joe the Rat]

Welcome to the 90's

NecroGnome (OOC): Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches. Movin' to the coutnry, gonna eat me a lot of peaches...
DM: Be careful what you invoke.

NecroGnome: Millions of peaches, peaches for me
GoblinBard: Millions of peaches, peaches for free!
DM: Ninjas leap from behind the trees, surrounding NecroGnome and GoblinBard! Roll initiative.

[Coventry]

dag: ok, so how did the padré manage to lose his right arm twice in 20 minutes of gameplay?
padré jace: i don't know, i'm stumped!

Ow!

But very much in keeping with the thread title.

[TurboGhast]

Varis: It is time to use, but not unveil, my secret weapon!

[ZeroGear]

Spoiler: Responses

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So Rose is delicious and a lie? O.o

I'm sure Chrysalis thinks so.

John: "I'm a bard, I'm not supposed to be all heroic! That's why I have you guys to do it and I just exaggerate the events in song."

Like every good bard should.

Chris: "If it gets any foggier I could mistake this place for London."

Now there's an achievement.

Me: oh yes these hot dogs are great, gluten free locally sourced and free range.
GM: ok that’s a lie you have to roll to convince him.
Me: What part was a lie? We add no gluten and are the homeless not free range or local?
GM.... damn you

The lie is that they're not hotdogs, they're Soylent Green!

"I thought you were dumb as a brick. But now you're literally fighting a wall, an actual inanimate wall, AND THE WALL IS WINNING!"

I hope he remained stone-faced through the whole thing.

Druid: Yes! It's stupid enough to be my friend!

Sounds like a lot of people I know.

Druid: I can do things with animals... NO WAIT DON'T QUOTE ME!

Too late.

Rose: “For the record, I did not release Powder from her prison.”
Sniper: “Also for the record, I didn't release her from custody. I transferred her to safer confinement.”
Rose: “A seat belt is hardly a 'confinement' for her.”
Sniper: “What? You're saying that eight EDF Soldiers, their Commander, Paper Pusher and an Ace Pilot aren't confinement enough?”
Rose: “Well—”
Sniper: “Don't answer that.”
Love: “Rose! Scope! Kiss already and focus!”

I'm sure lots of problems would be solved this way.

Rose: “Are there parachutes on this bird?”
GM: “Yes there are parachutes, but do you want to trust your life to one when there's a dragon flying around?”
Rose: “Should I trust my life to terminal velocity instead?”

You can trust it to be consistent.

Love: “Twilight making better armor than me? I'll show her! I need to seduce the secrets away!”
GM: “Seduce Twilight? Well, not going to say it hasn't been done before, but...”
Rose: “I touched her for medical reasons!”

I'd wager it's therapeutic.

Love: “A Star is a pretty sight that all can appreciate. The moon should not overtake its sister. Rose, I fear for my ability to look straight while I walk. This is for the world's safety.”
Rose: “...are you calling my plot titanic enough to be a weapon?”
Love: (Slams hooves) "Yes! It's a dang mind warping reality device! I need to reign in its oppressive powers to a degree that I feel comfortable enough that I can handle!”

Or harness it's power.

Brune: "Exactly how f***ed are we right now?"
Laurence: "Pants down, hand on the wall, waiting for the hot iron poker."
Brune: "Oh."

Laurence: "Rugar! The safest place to be is between it's legs!"
Delilah: "Phrasing!"

Rugar: I punch it's tonsils until it spits me out.

Delilah: "You are not sacrificing my favorite pair of stockings!"

Brune: "KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"
Laurence: "But it just wants your love-nectar."
Brune: "THAT'S THE POINT!"

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Welcome to the 90's

Ugh, that song is now stuck in my head.

Varis: It is time to use, but not unveil, my secret weapon!

Why am I thinking this is not a subtle weapon?

I'm sure lots of problems would be solved this way.

I'd wager it's therapeutic.

Or harness it's power.

You're giving Love waaaay too many juicy ideas. That's a dangerous thing to do. ;)

Laurence: "Rugar! The safest place to be is between it's legs!"
Delilah: "Phrasing!"

Ha! Yeah, we been there.

GM: “Sniper Scope! Shame on you, ruining Diamond Hope's dream! Never mind that it's impossible. She was going to be the flowerfilly at Sniper and Cadence's wedding and everything! She had it all planned out. Check her room. There are pictures.”

Diamond Hope: “I dun wanna mom who is half toaster. I want one that's half microwave.”

Rose: “Oh no no no, you misunderstand. Chrysalis might believe I wouldn't hurt her, but I am gonna suplex her scrawny bugbutt.”
Sniper: “I can't tell if that's better or worse than getting stun shot, trussed up, drugged and thrown in my closet.”
Rose: “We seriously need to clean out your closet.”
Sniper: “Why? There's nothing in there but a catatonic Changeling Queen-- and she's only there until the MP's arrive.”
Rose: “...maybe it's best I wait outside.”

Love: “And, the radios each have a large solar system.”
Rose: “Are you borrowing Rick Sanchez's tech again?”

Love: “Well, congratulations on your kids discovering Photoshop!”
Rose: “Also, condolences for your kids discovering Photoshop.”

Rose: “Totaled raisin bran cereal. Stays crunchy in failure.”

Sniper: “Huzzah! Happy is no longer forgotten by anyone except Sniper Scope.”

Rose: “I can only fail on a 17 or 18!”
3d6: *rolls a 19*
Love: “It was a very impressive roll!”
Rose: “Impressive isn't the word I'd use.”

Love: “I'll be ignoring you if you break her heart!”
Sniper: “...Promise or threat?”
Love: “Reward?”

Sniper: “I hear Powder Keg can be quite explosive.”
Rose: “Pfft, so am I after eating Taco Bell.”

[Necroticplague]

ST: Why's it called 'The Impaler' if it fights with a goremaul?
Gene:*Immature giggling*

[somethingrandom]

“You are a conductor and civil unrest is your orchestra”

“With 6 successes you glide gracefully into his nutsuck”

[Guizonde]

rogue trader:

ray: i rolled a 98 shooting. dice! why have you forsaken me?!
dm: it's that kind of day... the only reason you guys are alive is because i've rolled 5 100's during the last shooting phase.
dag: well, you've got lots of guys. if ray is jamming his gun, we're dead!
necron: i missed hitting a cockpit in close quarters. how can you explain that?!

dm: no putting bayonets on macrobatteries!
lux: even to encourage the machine spirit to be more aggressive?
dag: i like how she thinks.

*jencyo steals ray's pistol*
ray: you could have asked...
*jencyo infuses psyker powers into a bolt pistol shot into the necron*
ray: aw come on! i know you're 10,000 years old, but that's no reason to forget your manners that badly!
jencyo: *quizzical look*
ray: first, you ask nicely if you can borrow my gun. secondly, you'll teach me how to turn my bolt pistol into a psycannon, and third, you apologize after friendly fire!
lux: i'm not sure you're well-versed on how psycannons work, ray.
dag: it really puts things into perspective when our gruff muscle-man calls out somebody on their lack of manners.
necron: even i've got better human manners than that psyker.

necron: i use my heavy bolter like a fishing rod.
ray: only in 40k, folks!

ray: i use my hellgun sling to hook the psyker's belt.
necron: copycat!

Spoiler: venting

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that session was so lackluster in terms of bad luck that the rest of the club felt compassion for us. no deaths, but we're about 150% over budget for that mission.

pf:

*i walk in to the session late, sporting a beret*
me: KORINN! *throws beret at korinn's player*
korinn, pulling out a note bursts into laughter.
dm: ok, here's the note: "LOL, xoxo, novikov". awesome!
me: worth the weird looks i got since this morning.
grim: and that's dedication to a stupid joke!
kami: you got a hookah in there too? *pulls out a cigar* guess not.
me: couldn't fit it in there.
eva: this is why i trust "uncle" [guizonde]! he's always prepared!

Spoiler: context

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i'm the oldest at the table, and before playing with them i taught them a lot of things. they took to nicknaming "uncle" because i'm always at the ready to lend a hand, a sympathetic ear, or counsel them to the best of my ability. it excuses my practical jokes, and that one i was readying for about 3 weeks beforehand.

josé: i sense a great disturbance in the plot... as if a thousand plot threads had been unwittingly untangled...
dm: i kind of didn't expect that development, but the dice spoke.
korinn: and josé is not responsible for it!
josé: i'm losing my touch...

grim: ok, we need to clear free. he's too dumb to have pulled off that murder!
korinn: he can't even know what he's gonna do next week, let alone set up and execute an entire conspiracy that's been going on 6 months!
free: i feel almost insulted.
grim: it's not insulting you, it's providing evidence to clear your charges...

josé: i'm gonna do something so morally reprehensible that even i won't be able to justify it to my conscience...
grim: you're gonna summon a demon to bust free out of jail?
josé: worse... i'm gonna find him the most effective lawyer in this hellhole of a city.
dm: i was not expecting that. also, you're sick.

grim: well, if josé's finding a court shark, i'm gonna find free a pardoner.
korinn: oh, of course our brute is gonna mess this up...
*couple of hours later*
grim, really pale: guys, i think i went above and beyond... iomedae has accepted to be free's lawyer.
korinn: ok, wow.
dm: i was not expecting that either.

dm: you see the bandit king surrounded by people who look like eva. *points to eva's player*
josé: they're ulfs?
dm, headdesk: no, they're hooded.

korinn: where's josé?
kami: who cares?
grim: do you expect josé to not do something both illegal and destructive when he's out of sight?
eva: i'm sure he'll be back. he always says so, and he's never lied to us before.
grim: how have you survived to adult age?!

*door knock, josé walks in nonchalantly sporting a steak on his eye*
josé: howdee do!
grim: what happened to you?
josé: *rolls bluff* i'm kind of ashamed to say i fell from a ship's rigging trying to find a lawyer...
korinn: i know he's bluffing because it's impossible for him to fail, but i won't question it.
dm: i like how nobody questions why he was on a ship trying to find a lawyer.
grim: the dc is too high anyway. we roll with it.

grim: you WHAT?!
josé: i know a guy who knows a guy who bought the judge... i couldn't find a lawyer that'd go up against a chelaxian family.
dm: it was so absurd i can't even lower his alignment or tell you about it.
korinn: i guess two wrongs do make a right!

free, in jail: i laugh at the punishment dished out!
dm: and that's how a bard becomes an orc leader!

kami: dude, he took on 5 orcs and killed an ogre! in jail! naked! without a single punch! i'm jealous!
grim: the pen is mightier than the sword?

free: now i know how josé feels!
korinn: no, you're lucky and nice. josé is effective and cruel.
josé: i resemble that remark!

free: can i hide in josé's beret?
dm: even josé doesn't have that kind of skill in sleight of hand.
korinn: the laws of physics called, they're taking him to court regardless.
josé: *sigh* i'll go find a guy who knows a guy... again...

[LordCdrMilitant]

Rogue Trader:

Arabella Juliana Aquilina Sevarina Svanhild VI [Rogue Trader]: It's not a petty rivalry! He shot my seneschal! That's at least a minor insult!

Arabella: Recon, go!
*nothing happens*
*everyone stares at the Arch Militant*
Echo [Arch Militant]: Me?
Arabella: You have a camo cloak, therefore you are "stealthy".

Arabella: Stealth is not compatible with my fashion sense.
Corvin [Navigator]: She sparkles like a disco-ball in my eldritch light.

Arabella: Navigator, kill him now?
Corvin: Whatever you say, you're the boss.
Arabella: I'm asking for your insight because he gave you a package!
Corvin: Oh that. *looks at datapad* Kill him, and everyone he may have talked to.

Arabella: Kill him. Use a xenos sword. I'm going to wait to gloat about how everything is going according to our plans until after he's dead and we're back aboard our ship.


Deathwatch:
Tomix [Raven Guard Assault Marine]: This isn't as bad as last time. Everyone isn't actually dead-dead yet. Also, you aren't my friends.

Me [GM]: Earthshaker guns are also valid assassination weapons if it doesn't matter who knows.

Me: Soloing a Renegade Warlord Titan is probably worth a distinction. Maybe defeating a Scythed Heirodule with only your fists.
Tomix [OOC]: I think your expectations for us are too high.

Me: You can bet your rear-end that a rapid-response cadre is on its way with battlesuits. Maybe a Riptide.
Akel [Iron Hands Techmarine, OOC]: Can make a servitor to pilot the Riptide?

Tomix: Having a plan would have helped last mission. It would also help this mission.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Borderlands one-shot, might turn into a campaign later.

GM: ...Unfortunately for you, when you get to the meeting with Hyperion they tell you that they've found a better offer, so unless you can match it-
Cleo: I offer them everything! All my money! My House! My virginity! Everything!
Bolts: Well that sure took a turn no one was expecting.

GM: In its death throes, the monster coughs up a severed head. This is not too unusual to Hammerlock. What is unusual is when the head says "Hi, can you help me find my body?" or words to that effect. How are you voicing Zap?
Zap: I HAVE THE SHINIEST MEAT BICYCLE!*
GM: Weirdly, Hammerlock understood that perfectly.

Luna: We are mature responsible adults! (said immediately after three consecutive "That's what she said" jokes)

Cleo: Can we maybe negociate for a little extra. We have many services we can provide you on top of our mercenary work. Let me draft up a contract-
Sharp: I will give you $200 each if you just leave right now.
Cleo: Deal!

Edgar: Wait, so where am I?
GM: Well I'm guessing since your stealthy approach was ruined by everyone following you I guess you're with the others.
Edgar: ...Okay.

Spoiler: *note

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I forget what Zap actually said here but he's playing a Krieg-esque Psycho so I'm using a Krieg line here.

[Guizonde]

rogue trader: first session on roll20, in which our crew's bad luck continues despite virtual dice!

dm: 11 corvettes, one cruiser, and a space station versus you guys.
ray: how do you roll for anal circumference on roll20?
necron: "poorly" would be my guess...

dag: attention all pirates! surrender to our qualitative superiority! (to crew): it worked in the space station, it could work again!

ray: red alert! red alert! this is not a drill! dag is saving our butts with his shooting! either it's opposite day, or we've hit a magnitude "plot break" warp anomaly!
dag: we are so f**ked.

dm: so, you guys shoot the necron at the space station?!
necron: i am the bullet!!

necron: meh, i'm lost in space... just chillin' in zero gravity, you know?
dm: how did you guys survive this long, again?

ray: can someone please tell the padré's player to come back? he's robbing me of my luck and giving me his jinx!
dm: shall we talk about my last 10 rolls? i think only one was under 85.
dag: that poor fanatic's a conduit for bad juju! we can't handle it!
necron: that would explain why he's the bullet catcher of the team.
lux: can we just skip to the logical conclusion and rename our ship the "unholy jinx"?

dm: ray, quit writing "RIP" on the necron's position!
ray: wasn't me this time!
dag: *barely hidden snickering*

dm: if anyone mentions that the cruiser was destroyed by a mutinous corvette ramming it...
dag: aww, they're making mecha-babies!
lux: sex ed or engineering really isn't your strong suit, is it?

necron: i'm shooting a space station on full auto, and yet i'm missing?!
dm: we'll blame looney tunes on that one.

ray: even at a distance beyond 7 A.U. i can still nail headshots to the captain of a ship!
dag: and it only cost you two rerolls!
ray: details, details...

dm: ok, so you killed that ship 1.8 times to death, if my math is correct.
team: *cheering*
dm: and you're caught in the blast radius.
dag: now was not the time for overkill, ray!
ray: no good deed goes unpunished...

ray: let's kill that one next! no one steals my kills but the necron!
necron: *portal ending tune.mp3*

lux: we lost our thrusters.
ray: details, details...
lux: and our port broadside plasma macrobattery...
ray: details, details...
lux: and our dorsal canon is damaged.
ray: getyourbuttoutthereandfixitnow!!
dag: i take it that's not "details, details"...

dm: and that's another ship that goes up in flames...
team, chorus: but does he suffer?!
dm: in space, no one can hear you go "argh".

dm: you hit the space station at around about mach 3.
necron: "knock knock!"
ray: that's a by the book dynamic entry, right there!

[Wasteomana]

No Context needed:

Player: "So, I want to teleport the barbarian out of the fire, but she is dying and it says a Willing Ally"
Me (DM): "Ok, so I guess she (my wife's character and the barbarian) is always considered willing while unconscious."
Players: "..."

[LordCdrMilitant]

Deathwatch:

Diego [Crimson Fists Devastator]: Unlike you, I didn't have a sample platter of traitors!
Tomix [Raven Guard Assault Marine]: At least I got Blather out of it.

Me [GM]: I guess the Manta is actually a pretty good deal. The tanks and suits are like $400, so the thing is really only like $1000.

Azra: Does the Manta come with a mini-fridge we could put the pilots in for later?

Azra [Flesh Tearers Assault Marine, OOC]: It's like a Warhammer soap opera. There's a Space Marine love triangle, except with accusations of heresy instead of love.
Me: It's a hate triangle.

[DigoDragon]

Rose: “Of course I'm not there yet! I'm negative there yet, not even a blip on the radar of yets! I won't be there until I've managed to do something so lunar-damned amazing to help ponies that I’ll have kids named after me!”
Fashion Statement: “Dang. She got so angry that she broke the language filter.”

Love: “This is going to be a long five minutes for Love.”
Rose: “Are we sure it wasn't Love that got the Chrysalis flirt bug?”
Love: “I have no defense. Love likes [Powder Keg]. It must be all this desert air.”
Sniper: “I think it's less the desert air and more that it must be Love.”

Rose: (singing) "I. Love. Dates. With big mares and I cannot lie. And all the EDF can't deny. When a mare walks in with really long legs and their head hits a door peg you get sprung...”

GM: “Are medical emergencies like party emergencies? Because if they are, I know a pony who can help.”
Sniper: “No. They are not.”

Sniper: “That's not a typo. I hereby label all of Love's doing Lovecraft.”

Love: “That’s a plus?”
Rose: “Our one comparison is Sully, who tried to eat us, so I would say so.”

Rose: “Yeah well... forgive me if I'd like my magic of friendship to back up that claim with a Mind Shield spell and a semi-automatic carbine.”

Cmdr Wildcat: “Did they have any sources of scrap around? Things we could use to repair the ship in a pinch?”
Rose: “I don't know what resources they have to trade with, sir, but given the condition of their shanty town they could probably give us one of their buildings if we're looking for scrap.”

Sniper: “Before any pony asks, I don't know any good jokes for the trip.”
Angel Wings: “Oh that's alright. I'm no good at them either. Though I do enjoy them. And I think Corby would rather break herself in half than tell a joke.”
Corby: “You're not entirely wrong.”
Angel: “She's got her ninja pride.”
Corby: “I'm not a ninja.”
Angel: “Yes you are.”
Corby: “Ninjas are a specific group of foreign special forces. I'm native-born Equestrian.”
Angel: (whispers) “She's a ninja.”

[RagingBluMunky]

lux: can we just skip to the logical conclusion and rename our ship the "unholy jinx"

Is it by any chance related to the Occurrence Border?

[Mr.Sandman]

Borderlands one-shot, might turn into a campaign later.

What system did you use, if you don't mind me asking?

[Guizonde]

Is it by any chance related to the Occurrence Border?

despite us reading the all guardsmen party, our ship is very much in excellent condition (minus a few hiccups involving incoming uncouth gunfire). truly, the only reason we should rename our ship is that without the presence of the priest's player we're plagued with awful rolls.

... ok, ok, i forgot one tiny bit of damage.

dm: the aft deck reports walls weeping blood.
dag: whatever, lock it down, we'll worry about it later.
ray: as soon as the padré's good to go, we'll send him down there with holy prometheum.
dm: how will you get him out when he inevitably blows himself up?
ray: send in the necron, duh.
lux: obviously! we're not risking possession! that's the padré's job!

give us a few sessions and our ship might start looking like the occurence border with our jinx, though...

[DigoDragon]

Is it by any chance related to the Occurrence Border?

I am one of the lucky 10,000 today. That is an awesome story.


Love: “Maybe, Feral will talk to Love and Love won't have to shoot him.”
Rose: “Oh yeah, cause bringing a gun into the room with a professional sniper can't go wrong.”

Sniper: “No toys, Socks only, Final Destination.”

GM: “So first, Love 'seduces' Powder Keg and now Rose pulled out freaking massage cream and started rubbing it over her?”
Rose: “Pffft. It's Icy Hot. Lidocaine! There's nothing sexy about this!”
Sniper: “We know the truth, Rose. The mares on this team are so loose, they're always looking for a screwdriver.”

Love: “We're brain buds! A two layer cake stack covered in icing!”
Sniper: “Are not. I'm more of a veggie burger.”
Love: “I can do this! (Rubs head) I'm the cheese that's all over you? I really preferred the creamy analogy.”
Sniper: “I'm lactose intolerant.”
Love: “Fine! You be a vegetable! I didn't want to be with you anyway! I'll go live out there with Rose! We'll be cakes together!”
Sniper: “In which sense of the word are you using 'cake'?”
Rose: “Cake? I could go for a slice of cake.”

Sniper: “Do you just want Love walking in during Rose's flirtatious moments?”
Love: “Yes, Please! In fact, you two make out while I explain how to route the robobugs!”
Rose: “I'm pretty sure any making out by Sniper will be due to mind control and will require me to perform a cognitive reboot to his head.”
Love: “Perfect. While you’re in there, let me in too.”
Rose: “That violates doctor-patient confidentiality, Sniper's trust, and probably three ethical codes of conduct within the EDF alone.”

Rose: “Seems like Sniper and Love have this under control.”
Sniper: “That's usually when the ground falls out from beneath your feet.”
Rose: “Well Brazen just crit-succeeded, so he'll be the first to see the floor give way.”
GM: “And Brazen can say, with absolute confidence, that there is nopony near their perimeter at the moment. He reads the landscape as easily as a foal's children book.”
Brazen: “A is for Absent and B is for Baddies.”

[Erickem]

"I will have sex with the fire!"
"Briefly, I assume?"

[Astofel]

A grumpy wizard NPC: "Sure, I'll teach you a spell. It's called Expeditious Retreat, now SCRAM!"

Barbarian: "Well that's good because my other plan was to burn down the stables."
A horse: "..."

[DigoDragon]

Barbarian: "Well that's good because my other plan was to burn down the stables."
A horse: "..."

Smart horse.


Sniper: “Eeeeeeeeeeh... I think someone's obsession is showing.”
Rose: “I see it less as obsession and more as justified paranoia.”
Sniper: “Potato, tomato.”

Powder Keg: “Um. Right. Boats. Those exist. There aren't many boats around here. I mean, look! Sand, sand, sand, and over there! Rocks. Not exactly boating material.”

Star: “When the cookie comes with fine print longer than my tail, I'll pass mate.”

Sniper: “If we're going to strictly hold to the analogy... Then Cadence would wear the hood and you'd be either the electric chair or lethal injection.”
Rose: “The chair huh? Well come sit on my lap and let's turn up the volts.”
Sniper: “Sadly, that's a circuit breaker.”

Rose: “Not while I'm on watch. I had a D&D character almost died because the PC who was on watch decided to have an argument with a donkey.”

Sniper: “So... If Rose set herself up to be the responsible one, does that mean that Love gets to be irresponsible? Or is Rose just trying to steal Sniper's shtick?”
Rose: “Steal Sniper's shtick? Oh, being self-loathing with an inner demon that believes he should never be happy? Nah, you got that one secured.”
Sniper: “Weeeell... I was referring to being mission focused and responsible on the job. The inner demon comes free of charge.”
Rose: “Hiding on the roof of Friendship Castle not answering your comm is model soldier material.”
Sniper: “I'm sorry, who was it that was too busy playing cougar with the maid to file an after action report?”
Rose: “I was just getting a quick tour of Ponyville and picking up on rumors for the case at hand! At least I didn't botch the report like Sniper did.”
Sniper: “FYI, Brazen botched the report. I was busy turning in paperwork no one bothered to read.”
Brazen: “In my defense I botched my reading roll, the report wasn't altered by me whatsoever!”

Powder Keg: “Looks infected. Sorry, we need to amputate. I'll grab my TNT.”
Rose: “You're gonna do what with the... But that's not how you should do this!”
Brazen: “Mind the splash zone?”
Love: “How about we meet half way? We'll use thermite!”
Rose: *cries in the corner*
Sniper: “If it helps, I doubt that two of them are serious.”
Powder Keg: “Hey. How long of a fuse do we have?”
Sniper: “A very, very short one.”