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  1. - Top - End - #901
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Jan 2017

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    DM: As you climb the tower, you can hear a voice from the top. "Is that you, Father? I am so very hungry."
    Fighter: Yes, that's us. I mean, me. I'm here.
    Wizard: Is that the guy we just killed?
    Paladin: Shhhh. We don't know that.
    Warlock: I go back down the stairs.
    Fighter: I pull (Warlock) up the stairs.
    DM: "Father? I can hear you! Are you coming?"
    Paladin: Yes!
    Warlock: No!
    Wizard: I'm pushing (Warlock) up, and (Fighter)'s pulling him.
    Warlock: I hate stairs! There's never anything good at the top. Or the bottom.


    DM: "Did Father send you? It has been so long since I have eaten. I am so cold, and you smell so... Warm."
    Paladin: (Warlock, a Fire Genasi) is really warm. (Warlock), go talk to him!
    Warlock: No. No, I'm going back down the stairs.
    Wizard: I'm blocking the stairs.


    Warlock: Let's feed him some onions!
    Paladin: Why onions?
    Warlock: I mean garlic.
    Paladin: Don't! Vampires hate garlic!
    Wizard: Isn't that the point?
    Monk: Point is on stake.
    Barbarian: (Barbarian) like onion. *burp*


    Paladin: That's so sad. He's hungry, and he doesn't even have a name.
    Wizard: Let's not feed the vampire.
    Fighter: Does Paladin blood count as holy water? There might be an allergic reaction.
    Warlock: Yeah. What's your blood type? Type A? Type B? Holy Water? Alchemist's Fire?


    Paladin: I can't see? Why can't I see?
    DM: You're unconscious.
    Paladin: But, I have darkvision. Oh right. I'm unconscious.
    Monk: ...means "stop talking"
    Paladin: Nah. I imagine that (Paladin) talks in her sleep anyway.


    Fighter: Why am I the primary healer? Again?
    Paladin: Shhh. It's nap time.


    Fighter: I drag (Paladin) out of the swarm and force feed her a berry.
    Paladin: I did it. I won! I killed the dragon!
    Wizard: (to Monk) Concussion?
    Monk: (places her hands in her wide sleeves and nods sagely)


    Warlock: Come over and help me. I'm underwater again!
    Barbarian: Okay, I'll-
    Warlock: I mean, obviously I'm saying "glub glub blug arggggh" and it's really just a stream of bubbles.
    Barbarian: I drag him out by his collar. "Fear not, friend. (Barbarian) speak language of glub blub."


    DM: The dragon takes a deep breath, and lets out another blast-
    Warlock: Oh look, I found the coffin!
    Paladin: Where?
    Fighter: Oh, I see it. Was that there the whole time?
    DM: Yeah, it's over in the corner there. I don't think your characters have really noticed it yet, though. They're kind of distracted by the-
    Paladin: I don't see it.
    Wizard: It's under your character sheet.
    Paladin: Ohhh. What's that next to it? A chair?
    Warlock: And a treasure chest.
    Paladin: That doesn't look like a chair.
    DM: (Paladin), (Warlock), and (Fighter), you're all in the blast. Please make Dex saves for me.
    Fighter: Why is the chair purple?
    DM: Custom upholstery. Also, I had a purple sharpie.


    Edit: Ooooh forgot a good one!

    Paladin: Okay, I'm not saying this out loud, but I've written it all out-
    DM: In bold?
    Paladin: Yeah in all caps, in bold, in italics, in wingdings with lots of punctuation afterwards, and I show it to him. Then I roll it up and start whacking (Warlock) in the head with it while mouthing the words "Don't. Say. That. Don't. Say. That. Don't. Say. That. Don't. Say. That."
    Last edited by Tiadoppler; 2018-02-19 at 12:23 AM.
    The battle cry of a true master is "RAW!!!"

    I play Devil's Advocate. Why does a devil need an advocate? Because only bad lawyers go to hell. The good ones find a loophole.

    5e Homebrew: Firearms through the ages / Academian class / Misc. Spells

  2. - Top - End - #902
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiadoppler View Post
    Fighter: Why is the chair purple?
    DM: Custom upholstery. Also, I had a purple sharpie.
    Utilize what you got, although I love how PCs latch on to the most mundane things and wonder if there's more to it.


    Quote Originally Posted by startrashh View Post
    Valarr, our party's resident drow: "Call me Daddy one more time and I'm going back to the Underdark."
    O.o This could be going in all sorts of odd directions.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gideon Falcon View Post
    Player b (OOC): So you can Hoot like a Barn Owl!
    Acting skills are underrated.


    Quote Originally Posted by Diego Havoc View Post
    Call of Cthulhu one-shot.
    It's Call of Cthulhu. If it lasted longer than a one-shot, then you have a forgiving GM.



    Sniper: “Is Happy Hooves secretly the Pillsbury Doughboy?”
    GM: “...I'll allow it.”

    Rose: “To be fair, pepperoni barely qualifies as a meat.”

    Brazen: “You seem to be under the impression that I’m going to come quietly.”
    Rose: “Haha, come quietly.”
    Sniper: “Stealth does allow for Extra Time and that can get you a +1. If the other side botches a check then you might get away with it. ...That sounds abominable in this context.”
    Love: “I hear it's easier to stealth behind closed doors! It's not like the Commander is in the room with the two!”
    Sniper: “Or is he???”

    Sniper: “Given everything that's transpired it might be a good idea to show Wildcat that we're still on the job.”
    Rose: “Pffft. We're on the job. We need to show that we're competent doing the job.”

    Fashion Statement: “At my speed, your couch wouldn't survive impact.”
    Doc: “Alright, but would YOU?!
    Fashion Statement: “True beauty is never tarnished!” (*flips perfectly styled mane*) “You know what they say: if you can't take a supersonic chair to the face, then get out of the super hero business.”

    Rose: “Oh Rose, it's not you... well, okay, it is you because you suck at landing dates with somepony who is not a psychopath.”

    GM: “Sniper keeps mentioning a growing list of things that Polaris has to pay for. Should Red Tape start writing them down so that when you catch him you can read them off one by one?”
    Red Tape: “Excellent shot, Sniper Scope. We’ve only got 143 items left to make him pay for. Aim for the nose this time. This next one’s a doozy.”

    Sniper: “So... if anyone asks him how he got injured on the field, Sniper's going to say that he was hit by an IED.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  3. - Top - End - #903
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Jan 2017

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Spoilers, please!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Sniper: “So... if anyone asks him how he got injured on the field, Sniper's going to say that he was hit by an IED.”
    What really happened? Tell me tell me tell me!



    Warlock: Hey! I do too know how to cast Fireball.
    Wizard: No, you don't.
    Warlock: I can cast Fireball a lot. It's in my spell list.
    Wizard: I know how to cast Fireball. You know how to whine incessantly at an evil fiend inside your head until he casts Fireball for you.
    Warlock: Oh. Yeah, but I can do that more often than you.


    DM: They're miles away. It's going to tough to shout loud enough.
    Paladin: Okay, everyone together. 1... 2... 3...
    Paladin, Fighter, Barbarian, Warlock: HELLO!
    Warlock: It's me. I was wondering if-
    Paladin: I hit (Warlock)'s snooze button, by which I mean his head, with a hammer.
    Warlock: Don't reset your preset.


    Paladin: Okay, so when I click that contact, the mirror says "I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach has been disconnected from reality."
    DM: No, it doesn't tell you that much. The name is just grayed out and when you press it, the mirror shakes and goes "bzzzt."
    Warlock: How come when she finds a magic mirror, it's a cell phone, and when I find a magic mirror it creates an evil duplicate of me? Can I play with the cell phone next?


    Monk: I tie (Warlock) up in the back of the wagon, with an apple in his mouth.
    Warlock: I'll try to untie myself.
    DM: The griffon riders circle overhead, looking closely at the party.
    Monk: Unconscious people can't untie themselves.
    Wizard: I'm hiding among the horses. I've got a horse blanket on, and it's over my head, covering my horn.
    Paladin: I've taken off my heavy cloak, so that the griffon riders can see the sigil of my Paladin order on my armor and cape. I say "Hail, good sirs!" Then I whisper to (Monk) "Make sure (Warlock) stays in the wagon."
    Fighter: I'll stand next to (Paladin) and show off my shiny armor too. It's shinier than (Paladin)'s.
    Barbarian: (Barbarian) say hi too. Very loud. (Barbarian) carries friend (Warlock) out of wagon and waves him at riders.
    DM: The riders started to land when they saw (Paladin) and (Fighter) greeting them so politely. When (Barbarian) pulls out a hogtied Fire Genasi with an apple stuffed in his mouth, they appear to be reconsidering their decision. Unfortunately, they're already on the ground and have to talk to you people.
    The battle cry of a true master is "RAW!!!"

    I play Devil's Advocate. Why does a devil need an advocate? Because only bad lawyers go to hell. The good ones find a loophole.

    5e Homebrew: Firearms through the ages / Academian class / Misc. Spells

  4. - Top - End - #904
    Troll in the Playground
     
    bc56's Avatar

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    Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    DM: A centaur is definitely a 2 handed weapon, and certainly not a light melee weapon.
    Awesome avatar (Kothar, paladin of Tlacua) by Linkele!

    Quote Originally Posted by William Shakespeare, King Lear, IV.i.46
    'Tis the time's plague, when madmen lead the blind.
    My Nexus characters

  5. - Top - End - #905
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    LordCdrMilitant's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Tomix: We should just spend all 340 req on bomber raids. Does the outpost need to be intact when we capture it?

    Tomix: Can the close air support take out the antiaircraft guns?

    Me [GM]: The lychguard are 1 turn from the top of the bastion.
    Tomix and Azra: We jump to the bottom.
    Me [GM]: The lychguard start heading back down the bastion.
    ...
    Me [GM]: The lychguard move down, they're 1 turn from the bottom of the bastion.
    Tomix and Azra: We jump to the top.
    Me [GM]: Two lychguard stay at the bottom and go out the door, three begin to head back up to the top of the bastion.
    Tomix: They're learning!

    Me [GM]: There's 15 left, they're in double-tap range. 30 on 3's to hit. *rolls handful on D6's, collects 3+'s* These on 4's to wound. *rolls, collects 4+'s, offers them to Azra* Your saves at AP-1.
    Azra: What am I supposed to do with these?
    Tomix: I like how they just reverted to 40k rules.

    Tomix: Air support and friendly fire should be easy to tell apart. STRAFING RUN, MY POSITION, DANGER CLOSE!
    Guardsmen, hear me! Cadia may lie in ruin, but her proud people do not! For each brother and sister who gave their lives to Him as martyrs, we will reap a vengeance fiftyfold! Cadia may be no more, but will never be forgotten; our foes shall tremble in fear at the name, for their doom shall come from the barrels of Cadian guns, fired by Cadian hands! Forward, for vengeance and retribution, in His name and the names of our fallen comrades!

  6. - Top - End - #906
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Shulk's Avatar

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    Feb 2018

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Me: "Ava would like to search the illithid"
    *after a roll for looting, a high result*
    Dm: "You find some Strange liquid"
    Me: "Ava would dump a flask of oil and fill it with that stuff"
    *nat 20 doing so*
    Dm: "you got the liquid"
    Me: "What about its clothes?"
    Dm: it's robes were an illusion, it wasn't wearing any clothes.
    Me: So we were just lured into a dark corner of a sewer by a nudist illithid, and now I have their bodily fluids, the type of which I don't know.
    Dm: yep.

    Another good one

    "You know, it's really saying something when the third level fighter in your party has so much armor class at the moment that any enemies in this session had to roll a nat 20 to even hit them"
    Last edited by Shulk; 2018-02-21 at 03:07 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #907
    Firbolg in the Playground
     
    Miltonian's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Answer!
    Show
    [QUOTE=Tiadoppler;22859130]
    Spoiler: Spoilers, please!
    Show


    What really happened? Tell me tell me tell me!

    GM here! In short, there was a crashed airship that the team had to secure a captive from. Of course, the self-destruct got triggered and Sniper got caught in the blast (almost died too). So in other words, the entire ship got turned into a massive IED and Sniper was the only one to take damage from it.


    And since it’s bad form to post without some quote, here’s a few from session 0 of a D&D campaign I’m starting up.

    DM: So you have a copy of your brother’s holy symbol?
    Fighter: Yeah, but mine’s off-brand.

    DM: Blood is cheaper than water in this city.
    Paladin: And the water’s free.

    DM: His alignment is written as “Chaotic a**hole.”
    Fighter: That is so much worse!

  8. - Top - End - #908
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    GM: “Other than that, the only tech of note is the radio tower itself, which is archaic in terms of tech level but compensates by being massive.”
    White Text: “Like Rose (I kid).”

    Rose: “Love, are you cloning DJ ponies in your lab again?”

    Scope: “Lt. Sniper Scope: tactics and intelligence support.”
    Rose: “It's a part-time gig.”

    Love: “It's a fate most couldn't bare! Most ponies can't handle Love. I can't imagine why.”
    Rose: “I'm pretty sure Star Chaser and Doc Wagon can explain it.”
    Love: “Not quite what I meant. Love can very easily accidentally smother a pony.”
    Rose: “I'm pretty sure Star Chaser and Doc Wagon can explain that part too.”
    Love: “Love is innocent!”

    Love: “Rose, you can do it! I want twenty magical push-ups! Be a super mage.”

    Rose: “Haha Rose will totally believe in her own Haunches of Greater Badonkadonk for they cannot be dodged, they are enormous.”

    Sniper: “If the sociopathic Pegasus isn't face-hoofing, then it's not a mission.”
    Sniper: “Coincidentally, Auto Correct now defaults to 'face-hoof' over 'face-palm'.”

    Love: “Love will try to inject some gooey happiness into his body. He is free to talk to Love anytime he wants. He is always there for him (in her own way).”
    Sniper: “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh .”
    Rose: *blows kiss to the audience at the fourth wall* “Goodnight everybody!”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  9. - Top - End - #909
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Beacon of Chaos's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    It's Call of Cthulhu. If it lasted longer than a one-shot, then you have a forgiving GM.
    I guess so, since we all survived. Granted, we're all scarred for life and one guy is in the hospital in critical condition, but a win is a win.
    Used to be Diego Havoc
    Spoiler: About Me
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiuiS View Post
    Diego Havoc, one of the hoopier froods I've met, up there with DeLancie.



  10. - Top - End - #910
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Shulk's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    [QUOTE=Miltonian;22863224]
    Spoiler: Answer!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiadoppler View Post
    Spoiler: Spoilers, please!
    Show


    What really happened? Tell me tell me tell me!

    GM here! In short, there was a crashed airship that the team had to secure a captive from. Of course, the self-destruct got triggered and Sniper got caught in the blast (almost died too). So in other words, the entire ship got turned into a massive IED and Sniper was the only one to take damage from it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiadoppler View Post

    And since it’s bad form to post without some quote, here’s a few from session 0 of a D&D campaign I’m starting up.

    DM: So you have a copy of your brother’s holy symbol?
    Fighter: Yeah, but mine’s off-brand.

    DM: Blood is cheaper than water in this city.
    Paladin: And the water’s free.

    DM: His alignment is written as “Chaotic a**hole.”
    Fighter: That is so much worse!
    I laughed at the last part.


    Now for my quotes, ask if you need context

    "I finished my paladins alignment debate. It's either lawful neutral or lawful lawful"
    "Lawful Lawful isn't an alignment"
    "If you say that i'm pretty sure you don't know my paladin well enough"

    "Petition to rename Lawful good to Lawful shmuck, anyone?"

    "I cast fist at 9th level"

    "Dunban pisses his pants"

    Me (ooc) :"Your touching wasn't good enough, touch me more"
    Everyone: *laughs*
    Dm, to the party member I was adressing: Alright, roll charisma.
    *they do so, rolling high, everyone laughing*
    Dm: "ava, (my character) now feels somewhat allured/turned on by you. If they want to, they can make a will save."


    "Will I get chaotic alignment shift for creating a situation which warrants the benny Hills theme to be played?"

    "I've had enough of this monster's bull****!" *runs up and attacks it, landing a natural 20 and killing it*

    "Would you please stop spitting at me, that can't be good for your health"

    "I just realized my paladin is a 50 year old man with a healing ability literally called "lay on hands". This cannot go well."

    "Our good cleric is a better torturer than the chaotic evil cultists, should I be afraid?"

    "The cultist does a nazi-like salute as it dies"

    "Did a barbarian just somehow hit every last person on the map except himself with one attack?"

    "Is it bad that i'm applying the Geneva convention to my dnd playstyle?"

    And more...
    Spoiler: Chronic Backstabbing Disorder
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    If you or a loved one suffer from CBD, Cynnirjetyxcks may be right for you. Cynnirjetyxcks is a once per long rest medication proven to lessen, or even completely negate, the symptoms of CBD. With Cynnirjetyxcks, you no longer have to feel the urge to suddenly Sneak Attack your close friends.
    Side effects of Cynnirjetyxcks include (Long ass list)
    Talk to your Cleric about Cynnirjetyxcks, because tomorrow there can be hope. Hope for a world without self-inflicted TPKs.

  11. - Top - End - #911
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shulk View Post
    Now for my quotes, ask if you need context

    "I finished my paladins alignment debate. It's either lawful neutral or lawful lawful"
    "Lawful Lawful isn't an alignment"
    "If you say that i'm pretty sure you don't know my paladin well enough"

    "Petition to rename Lawful good to Lawful shmuck, anyone?"

    "I cast fist at 9th level"

    "Dunban pisses his pants"

    Me (ooc) :"Your touching wasn't good enough, touch me more"
    Everyone: *laughs*
    Dm, to the party member I was adressing: Alright, roll charisma.
    *they do so, rolling high, everyone laughing*
    Dm: "ava, (my character) now feels somewhat allured/turned on by you. If they want to, they can make a will save."


    "Will I get chaotic alignment shift for creating a situation which warrants the benny Hills theme to be played?"

    "I've had enough of this monster's bull****!" *runs up and attacks it, landing a natural 20 and killing it*

    "Would you please stop spitting at me, that can't be good for your health"

    "I just realized my paladin is a 50 year old man with a healing ability literally called "lay on hands". This cannot go well."

    "Our good cleric is a better torturer than the chaotic evil cultists, should I be afraid?"

    "The cultist does a nazi-like salute as it dies"

    "Did a barbarian just somehow hit every last person on the map except himself with one attack?"

    "Is it bad that i'm applying the Geneva convention to my dnd playstyle?"

    And more...

    you, me, a dm that needs to become a chronic drunk, and a good session... oh, the fun we could have!

    also, try and read up in descending order these threads, you'll find that a lot of us share our proclivities for both overkill and comedic sociopathy. that, and you'll now be put on the same restraining order we all have to not approach the geneva convention in a radius of 568 a.u. congrats!
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  12. - Top - End - #912
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    PC: "Is there such a thing as a magic item without a curse in this world? First the burning magic armour, now the sword of stupid... is the world out to get us?"
    GM: "Yeah, duh."

    PC: "NO! NO MORE VEINS OF THE EARTH!"

    Someone reading an adventure I wrote: "... ew."
    Last edited by Belac93; 2018-02-22 at 12:34 AM. Reason: Spelling

  13. - Top - End - #913
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Overseer: “I'm very happy to be here today, you rivet-shuddered dinguses, and should all feel very proud of yourselves. You managed to donk up my factory, break most of my workers, and turn some of my best away from me. Congratulations! You've destroyed a food processing plant, you vandals. The one's all modded up, I could get some stuff in them that'll make'm better then any robot I got, the pegasus filly could get the deluxe treatment with all the tasty corn and bacon fat she could eat in a enclosed environment until her liver is twenty percent of her body weight, the unicorn could get added to the genetic stock to help boost the numbers, and the other pegasus could get processes. But I really can't make lemonade out of crap, so before you go on and kill me dead, let me talk to you about why I'm here.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  14. - Top - End - #914
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I believe I've improved on your 'flood the dungeon with water' idea. I've managed to....acquire more naphtha than is probably legal, and need some way to dispose of it. I believe that we can solve two problems at once."
    *One tragic disaster later*
    "I DID NOT CONSIDER HOW COAL MINES WORKED!"
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  15. - Top - End - #915
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Shulk's Avatar

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    Feb 2018

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Note, quotes are not allways connected or in the same session or sequence for this... It'll be somewhat obvious if they are connected though.


    "The cultist, as they impale their leg on your sword, raises his arm in a nazi like salute, and with his last words, says "Heil Tiamat!"" " Oh great, We're fighting dragon nazis now."


    "So, Is this character Idea too ridiculous?" "What is it? Come on, shoot." "Illithid monk." "What's his name?" (someone else) "Bob?" (Me) "I think it should be steve" (The bob guy) "Bteve" (Me) "YES"

    "My name is (Insert party member's name here)"
    Spoiler: What I say next
    Show


    "You know, This is one of those situations where my oath is ****ing with the group's rules"

    "I cast fist at 9th level"

    "I Fist the goblin" "What?" "D... did I just say that?"

    "Javert gonna give it to ya"

    "So the lawful neutral paladin is protecting a vampire from a chaotic good cleric. something seems wrong here"

    "I DONT CARE IF YOURE CURING HIM OF VAMPIRISM ITS STILL MURDER"

    "If You feel like i've wronged you, I'll gladly go to court to be prosecuted"

    "Minotaur brains aren't kosher."
    Spoiler: Chronic Backstabbing Disorder
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Personification View Post
    If you or a loved one suffer from CBD, Cynnirjetyxcks may be right for you. Cynnirjetyxcks is a once per long rest medication proven to lessen, or even completely negate, the symptoms of CBD. With Cynnirjetyxcks, you no longer have to feel the urge to suddenly Sneak Attack your close friends.
    Side effects of Cynnirjetyxcks include (Long ass list)
    Talk to your Cleric about Cynnirjetyxcks, because tomorrow there can be hope. Hope for a world without self-inflicted TPKs.

  16. - Top - End - #916
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Overseer: “Think of the warmth and noises made by of every other Equestrian as they are packed tightly together and never want for things to shove down their esophaguses. Think of the sounds foals will make as they drop on conveyor belts when they are born and are examined for defects and sorted for size, all while their lobotomized limbless mothers sit motionless and wait for their treats. Think of the sizzling of hot fat, the sound of a wing twisted so that one can nibble at the cartilage, the tender flesh of the little lamb, the cracking of a horn and the licking of the marrow. Think of licking all the blood right up; slurping all the blood right up. Consider the ultimate merger of product and customer; for every truly satisfied product, many more customers can be made, all happy to eat their fill and ignore the horrors of life. Think of reaching for one last hamburger when you are unable to stand up under your own power; now that's cravability. In such a crowded marketplace, how can such product loyalty be matched? How is this not what everypony wants? Why else would I exist, or any of this exist? Is this not what you wanted?”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  17. - Top - End - #917
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    dm: the necron prostituted himself to pay for barracks.
    lux: getting mind-linked with ray has really made him question his loss of humanity, hasn't it?

    captain: ok, you got us a very good shield, no questions. but you did not warn me about brutally assaulting my funds! i may thank you in private, but you'll have to be made an example of...
    dag: this is gonna suck isn't it?
    dm: a couple of kasrkin prepare their truncheons and some lube.
    dag: no good deed goes unpunished...
    ray: told you!

    ray: fly me closer! i want to stab them with my gun!

    dm: so, you guys want to just get shot into the ork ship?
    necron: me first!!
    ray: dude, orks invaded half my planet! i'm first!
    necron: wrestle you for it!
    ross: great... we got legolas and gimli over there.
    dag: and i'm not sure which is which...
    dm: i haven't slept enough to decide.

    ray ooc: does ray know he's blinded by his hatred for greenskins?
    dm: *rolls* KILL THEM TO DEATH TWICE AND USE THEIR HIDE AS BEDROLLS!!
    dag: i'm pretty sure that means no, ray.
    ray: *grins* good.

    captain: ok, seneschal, i want you to manage the bridge. stealth assault mode.
    dag: yes, captain!
    captain: pilot, plot a course without hitting minefields and debris this time. fast and fluid, if you please.
    ross: by your command.
    captain: tech-priestess? would you mind blessing the auspex?
    lux: *something vaguely binary sounding*
    captain: lieutenant?
    ray: *grins*
    captain: *sigh* please brief the helljumpers on how to assault a fortified ork position. suit up.
    ray: you're too good to me, boss!
    dm ooc: if your obvious enthusiasm wasn't so contagious, you'd probably get slapped silly for that one.
    ross: let him do the slapping, we'll take care of the silliness.

    *blong!*
    ross: what the hell was that?!
    ray: heavy bolter dropping on the ship's hull.
    dag: previous experience?
    ray: nah, there's the imprint of the thing above my head.
    dm: heavy bolters go "blong" now? i thought they went "clang! ow!!"
    lux: that's on meatbag feet only. not on hulls.

    ray: be vewwy vewwy quiet, i'm huntin' greenskins!
    necron: as long as he doesn't paint himself purple, i won't worry about his mental health.
    dm: i'm more worried about his player's mental health that his character's! i said "no bugs bunny"!
    dag: meh, throw it on the receipt.
    dm: 0.o how... what... buh...

    ross: ray! i specifically said "no overkill"!!
    ray: not my fault dag painted a plasma mine for me to shoot!
    dag: i just wololo'd over the auspex and it seemed to work!
    lux: i'm stuck between several cogs down in the engine bay. some assistance is needed.
    dm: how the hell have you guys survived this long?!
    necron: stasis chamber! *glasses pull*

    necron: ok, you get the horde on the right half, i get the one on the left.
    ray: ... deal, then we team up in close quarters to finish them off with pointy things and war cries.
    dag: why are they so childishly violent? we've got macro-batteries for that!
    ross: because they can actually have fun in fights rather than sleeping with a gunshot wound.
    dm: no out-orking orks!
    necron: watch us.
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  18. - Top - End - #918
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    Necroticplague's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Wait, lack of significant personality, inexplicable resilience despite slight build, indecisiveness, unusual amount of romantic partners, clumsiness, poor luck...I think I've seen these symptoms before. Tell me, do you have any sisters I could ask a few questions?"
    "Funny thing about that, I thought I did until recently, but no."
    "Oh dear, this is worse than I thought."
    Avatar by TinyMushroom.

  19. - Top - End - #919
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lord Raziere's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Necroticplague View Post
    "Wait, lack of significant personality, inexplicable resilience despite slight build, indecisiveness, unusual amount of romantic partners, clumsiness, poor luck...I think I've seen these symptoms before. Tell me, do you have any sisters I could ask a few questions?"
    "Funny thing about that, I thought I did until recently, but no."
    "Oh dear, this is worse than I thought."
    Oh god, its harem anime protagonist syndrome! A most terrible disease to catch indeed.....
    I'm also on discord as "raziere".


  20. - Top - End - #920
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Warlock: So, what toys did Lolth play with when she was a baby?
    DM: Ummmmm. Like, a plush spider?
    Warlock: Yeah, a big blue one!
    Wizard: Hey kids! Let's all count to eight!


    Monk: (Monk) swings down the rope, like the pirate she knows she is, in her heart.
    Barbarian: (Barbarian) pirate too! Geronimo! I jump off the cliff.
    Wizard: Feather Fall.


    Monk: I tie the rope around (Wizard)'s midsection, with a big bow on top.
    Wizard: I double-check the rope and knots.
    DM: (Wizard), you are securely tied up.
    Sorcerer: Whoa, is it bondage time again? It's not even a Sunday.
    Monk: (Monk) sits on (Wizard)-
    Sorcerer: Oh!
    Monk: -to fend him off the sharp rocks of the cliff.
    Sorcerer: Ohhhhh... Sure.


    DM: *dice roll on mishap chart* Alright, (Wizard) the rope starts to slip backwards towards your hindquarters as you swing in mid-air. This makes you tilt forward until your head is pointing straight down.
    Wizard: Aughh! I don't like this. I start waving my legs around wildly. Help!
    Paladin: So, (Monk)'s now standing on his bottom?


    DM: You notice that the rope is starting to fray where it's going over the sharp rocks at the edge of the cliff.
    Paladin: Uh oh.
    DM: It's still secure at the moment, but if you pull too hard it may snap.
    Fighter: All right. *roll* Total of 20.
    DM: Great. (Wizard) and (Monk) are now 40' up.
    Barbarian: *rolls, sighs, looks around at table* (Barbarian) pull you up super fast, friend (Wizard)! *shows dice*
    DM: The rope snaps.
    Wizard: Feather Fall.
    The battle cry of a true master is "RAW!!!"

    I play Devil's Advocate. Why does a devil need an advocate? Because only bad lawyers go to hell. The good ones find a loophole.

    5e Homebrew: Firearms through the ages / Academian class / Misc. Spells

  21. - Top - End - #921
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheTeaMustFlow's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Not actually a part of my game as such, but courtesy of a sibling:

    "I'm not really a proper journalist... If I were a D&D character I'd be a multiclass journalist/musician/something."
    Quote Originally Posted by Toby Frost
    `This is just the beginning, Citizens! Today we have boiled a pot who's steam shall be seen across the entire galaxy. The Tea Must Flow, and it shall! The banner of the British Space Empire will be unfurled across a thousand worlds, carried forth by the citizens of Urn, and before them the Tea shall flow like a steaming brown river of shi-*cough*- shimmering moral fibre!`

  22. - Top - End - #922
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Alexander: (peeks around the corner) "Look who came over for dinner!"
    Elminster: (peeks around the corner) "Where all the chaotic neutral ladies at?"

    Alex: "It's 50 shades of Halfling, what do you want?"
    Xander: "I'll take 25 shades of anyone medium."

    Farmer: "Uh, what's wiggling in the bag?"
    Alex: "We collected the babies."
    Farmer: "Why?! We wanted them killed, not captured!"
    Xander: "Alex wanted to raise them up a bit so that he can maximize his exp gains."

    Ronin: "We have those parts collected from the last fight."
    Xander: "Is there a beastiary Pep Boys I'm not aware of?"
    Alex: "Hey, there's a lucrative business in this! Wait until your dragon hatches. Its poop will be worth hundreds. There will be gold coming out the wazoo for us!"

    Xander: "Will bless food for food."

    Bartender: "Your drink is filled with vampires."
    Alex: "Oh, let me water that down."
    Bartender: "Now it's Twilight."

    Xander: "I adjust the dimmer on my horse."

    Alex: "Do we want to follow the trail?"
    Xander: "We found no bodies at the farm, so these must be slavers."
    Alex: "I want to kick the slavers in the nuts!"
    Xander: "Can you even kick that high?"

    GM: "They're at least 24 hours ahead of us."
    Xander: "Using iron crutches."
    Alex: "Oh we got science for that."
    Xander: "For the... um, what?"

    Xander: "I'm an elf in his natural habitat--a tree."
    Alex: "You're not a druid nor a ranger."
    Xander: "But... elf."
    Alex: *Picks up an owl and throws it at Xander*
    Xander: "Oww! What was that for?"
    Zune: "As they say, owl's well that ends--"
    Xander: *Picks up the owl and nails Zune with it*

    Ronin: "Hi there!" *crit hits the gnoll*
    Alex: "Target that explosion on the cat!"

    Ronin: "Is your name really Christopher P. Bacon? Chris-P Bacon?"
    Gnoll: "Why yes. Yes it is."

    Alex: "Oh my Odammara. A disco club just broke out."
    Ranger: (wakes up) "Oh hey, there's a fight going on with gnolls?"
    Alex: "How about you shoot somebody!"
    Xander: "You had one job and you slept through it!"

    Xander: *picks up a condiment packet* "'Real Mayonnaise'. As opposed to...?"
    Ronin & GM: "Miracle Whip."

    Alex: "Can you hear her in the dark?"
    Ronin: "Ow ow ow ow..."

    Xander: "So for the rest of today, we have this dreaded feeling that we are... gnoll longer alone in these woods."

    GM: "Xander, there isn't a tree near enough the camp to climb."
    Xander: "Oh no, I'm naked!"

    Xander: "Well it's a good thing the ranger is wearing his brown pants today."

    Xander: "Owlbears have feathers, right?"
    Alex: "Yeah, they do."
    Xander: "Then in the words of Switchblade, 'Imma make me a pillow!'"
    GM: "Okay, but the feathers are going to be very dirty."
    Matthew: "Two castings of Prestidigitation says they're not."

    Xander: "Anyone else noticed that ever since I started taking night watch up in the trees and doing better on longbow attacks, the GM stopped using forests?"
    Alex: "It's almost as if he got mad because you read the rulebook."

    GM: "Fighters get feats every two levels. They are insanely op in this game."
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  23. - Top - End - #923
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    DrowGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post

    Xander: "Anyone else noticed that ever since I started taking night watch up in the trees and doing better on longbow attacks, the GM stopped using forests?"
    Alex: "It's almost as if he got mad because you read the rulebook."
    try buildings, camels, caravans, tents, and rocks. it works too! i had to improvise after actually buying a feat called "death from above", my gm pulled the same thing on me. it rather helps that on top of being on top of the situation, i can deal impact damage by becoming a projectile!

    Spoiler
    Show
    i swear, some gm's simply don't like knife-ears in trees...
    Spoiler: quotes
    Show
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

    when in doubt,
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Ask the beret wearing insect men of Athas.

  24. - Top - End - #924
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TheTeaMustFlow's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Valathar (OOC): Did I maybe learn anything in my daddy's room?
    Kassim (OOC): Like what, how little Tieflings are made?
    Last edited by TheTeaMustFlow; 2018-02-26 at 04:55 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Toby Frost
    `This is just the beginning, Citizens! Today we have boiled a pot who's steam shall be seen across the entire galaxy. The Tea Must Flow, and it shall! The banner of the British Space Empire will be unfurled across a thousand worlds, carried forth by the citizens of Urn, and before them the Tea shall flow like a steaming brown river of shi-*cough*- shimmering moral fibre!`

  25. - Top - End - #925
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    DM: The fifteen foot tall orc hits (Warlock) again, knocking him back towards the wagon.
    Paladin: (Warlock)! Stop provoking him!


    Fighter: I mean, I like blood as much as the next guy, but this chick is really going all out.


    Barbarian: I am deceptioning! Hello, friend Drow!
    DM: Do you say that in character?
    Barbarian: I rolled a three, so yes.


    Warlock: I'm going to stay safe, back here.
    Warlock: Wow, they move fast.


    Paladin: Hit me with a fireball.
    Warlock: Finally!
    Paladin: I'm fire-resistant, and there are five guys you can hit around me. Did you say "Finally"?


    Wizard: I squeak in terror, let out a mighty magic missile over my shoulder, then run away.
    Fighter: My hero.


    Paladin: Where are you going?
    Monk: Top of cliff.
    Paladin: The enemy is down here!
    Monk: (Monk) is up here.


    DM: The Drow says "My mistress has commanded me to... eliminate two of your number. Allow me to do this, and I will depart in peace. I must succeed in this mission. I have failed my mistress once too often."
    Paladin: Okay. Sounds good to me.
    Wizard: She wants to kill two of us! Pay attention.
    Paladin: Oh. Then, no.
    Last edited by Tiadoppler; 2018-02-27 at 01:30 PM.
    The battle cry of a true master is "RAW!!!"

    I play Devil's Advocate. Why does a devil need an advocate? Because only bad lawyers go to hell. The good ones find a loophole.

    5e Homebrew: Firearms through the ages / Academian class / Misc. Spells

  26. - Top - End - #926
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    Spoiler
    Show
    i swear, some gm's simply don't like knife-ears in trees...
    I'm pretty sure the GM was just being petty because I outsmarted his gnoll ambush.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheTeaMustFlow View Post
    Kassim (OOC): Like what, how little Tieflings are made?
    When a mommy warlock and a daddy warlock love their demonic pact very much...


    Quote Originally Posted by Tiadoppler View Post
    Barbarian: I rolled a three, so yes.

    Paladin: I'm fire-resistant, and there are five guys you can hit around me. Did you say "Finally"?

    Wizard: I squeak in terror, let out a mighty magic missile over my shoulder, then run away.

    Monk: (Monk) is up here.

    Wizard: She wants to kill two of us! Pay attention.
    Paladin: Oh. Then, no.
    The dysfunction in this group is amazing and hilarious. :D



    Doc: “But then why call this an assassination? If they were protecting something instead of hired to take us out, then it's just guard duty.”

    GM: “Also, she could get filled in on lovely details like why there's about half of a pegasus wing on the floor, why the room suddenly smells like barbecue, and other stuff like that.”

    GM: “I just want everyone to know I am pro-pants for gestalt murder hiveminds, which I believe is a topic not sufficiently addressed in today's current climate.”

    Moon: “Sorry for the delay, I hope the 321 damage I brought makes up for it.”
    Viridia: “Its okay I guess.”
    Moon: “You're right. It wasn't aimed at Thantos, so I suppose it doesn't count for much.”

    Choro: (imitating Doc) “Screw those innocents, I want XP!”

    Moon: “Hey we earned our giant robots! Bertly was loot, and we stole Dazzler.”

    GM: “It's fine. Just don't splash, like, water on it or something.”
    Doc: “Or ask Doc to try and fix it. Viridia hasn't acquired kidney armor yet after the last incident.”

    Viridia: “Lazy developers STILL haven't buffed Captain Jack Barkness. I'm gonna go play D&D 5e.”
    Choro: “Hey, Choro's got the advanced teleport spell and Captain Jack is still way better than her at it! How come he needs buffs?”
    Viridia: “Because Choro gets all the skins, including The Great Dichorio, Blood-Splattered, and Environmental Suit. Captain Jack Barkness just has his default Flufferpupper skin.”

    Choro: “Question from phone, Dalin. How do you feel about... references?”
    Viridia: “…we need permission for references?”
    Doc: “I'm pretty sure we don't need permission. Choro is just being real polite.”
    Choro: “Some British stereotypes run deep.”
    Doc: “So is Choro planning to conquer Pony India at some point?”
    Choro: “Hmm... we do know that it exists...”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  27. - Top - End - #927
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    SleepyShadow's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "It's not my fault you have a body like a pudding pop!"

    "He uses mayonnaise to slick his hair back and tried to sell me a paper bag with a can of spray paint. I'm never talking to him again."

    "I coat myself in olive oil and wrestle the crusader."

    "For the duration of my charm spell, the paladin girl has to call me 'Daddy'."

    "I hide our former nemesis in the pile of potatoes."

    "The troll presses his face against the pane of glass and starts singing Stone Sour songs."

    "You just used planeshift to keep a birthday cake fresh! You are the definition of abuse of power!"

    "We need to hire a translator. I don't speak moe."

    "Why does everyone keep blowing up my doomsday device?!"

    "We don't care about your nukes. You pushed our friend down the stairs!"

    "Did you just make the torturer cry?"

    "Doors! My one weakness!"

    "I think my shoes are possessed."

    "I activate my magical girl transformation sequence."

    "You are your own quirky mini-boss squad."

    "I'd like to help, but I'm dying of jaundice over here!"

    "When my bard levels up, he's buying a lampshade for a hat."

    "You'll be safe inside my gelatinous womb."

    "It's not my fault we like the talking demon sword better than you."

    "Hey guys, we have a new nemesis!"

    "We need to get catnip for the tabaxi. One drugs please!"

    "I adopted a new daughter for you."

    "His name is Huevos Rancheros Big-Spell."

    "She's got a body that'll make you get on your knees and beg for buttermilk."

    "I offer myself to be Lolth's new footstool."

    "I hate it when you guys are right."

    "My ranger has Favored Enemy: Communist."
    Last edited by SleepyShadow; 2018-02-27 at 05:01 PM.

  28. - Top - End - #928
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Coventry's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    From a recent session.

    Killian-OOC: It was surprising me how nice Killian was being. Normally, he would have just killed the guy.

    Spymaster: We don't really have any work for you at the moment.
    Symeon: We've recently triggered major religious revivals in two different allied kingdoms. Do you really want us here at home, bored, and looking for something to do?
    Spymaster: Oh. Uhm. Well, there is this one thing...

    GM: The nymph's name is "Shia Le Bark"
    Player 1: We're just lumbering right into this.
    Player 2: We've got them stumped!
    Player 3: Stick to it!

    GM: Roll an INT Check
    Everyone else's Dice: *Rolls high*
    Symeon's Dice: *Natural 1*.
    GM: Okay, roll a will save.
    Symeon's Dice: *Natural 2* (fails).
    Symeon-OOC: Using the once per day re-roll...
    Symeon's Dice: *Natural 1*
    Symeon-OOC: The gnome is stunned. We're flying around in a forest like Endor, right?
    GM: Yes.
    Symeon-OOC: He probably slammed into a tree and bounced around like a pinball before coming to a stop.

    Symeon-OOC: By the Power of Numbskull! SHE HAS THE POWER!

    Marvin-OOC: I pick up the gnome and carry him out of range.

    Frighid-OOC: "Charisma Kitten" sounds like a really bad superhero name.

    Marvin: (to Killian) Stop overkilling the Basilisks! Their blood is useful!
    Killian: You want their blood? *wipes face*

    Symeon-OOC: You hit him so hard his alignment changed!

  29. - Top - End - #929
    Spamalot in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Choro: “Well Choro is now Pony Gandalf, so... angel?”
    Viridia: “Please don't call me that. Flirting will get you nowhere unless you're leggy and blonde.”

    Choro: “Maybe it's a sign Fan Knife's shown up? Quietness follows a ninja, like a well trained puppy.”
    Doc: “So does a loud fart.”

    Viridia: “Doc! Do the thing that stops me from dying.”
    GM: “That's called not bleeding out, which you're doing a poor job of.”

    Stellar: “Now did someone mention there's a monster out there with an arse to kick? Or was it no arse?”

    Moon: “Can somepony throw that safe at the slime monster? Unless assassins have started giving us gifts mid-battle, I'm pretty sure that's a bomb!

    Strata: *elbowed [Viridia] lightly, and motioned towards a spot on the walkway far enough away from the rest of the group that it could be considered 'private'*
    Viridia: “Is this the part where we make out?”

    Viridia: “So how do the Olives know about this place, Little Green?”
    Thanatos: “I would be perfectly happy to tell you if you would stop calling me Little Green.”
    Viridia: “No problem, b****.”

    Moon: “If Moonshadow wasn't completely pathetic in melee, she'd try tackling and restraining Choro by this point. As is, being out-wrestled by a filly would probably undercut her authority.”
    Viridia: “Would it be inappropriate for Viridia to spray some oil on them or...?”
    Choro: “I'm just two years younger than Viridia! Two years! That's not much! Why does everypony treat me like a foal, but [Viridia] like this mature grown up?” *sulks*
    Moon: “It's because she can do this thing with her wings where she, *ahem* well, I'll tell you when you're older.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    D&D 5e Homebrew: My Little Pony Races

  30. - Top - End - #930
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Goblin Bard: So what I need to know is, do you want to be a giant ape?
    Duelist Dude: %@#! Yes.
    DM: Well that settles that debate.

    DM: Standing... no, ah here... no, he'd be a silverback. Ah. here we go. Paint it purple.... and done! DuelistDude is now a 40, er 20 foot Giant Gori-li-li-la.

    DM: The blue-glowing crystals on the wall flash faster, and a bluish gas starts pouring from the mouths of the silver dragon statues.
    Paladwarf: We could try the passcodes...
    ElfKnight: I'm setting up a gas-proof force cube. That's 15' on a side.
    NecroGnome: I'm in!
    FairyHalfling: Me too!
    MonkeyMonk: Already there.
    GoblinBard: I'm on the Gorilla's shoulder.
    DuelistGiantApeDude:

    Paladwarf: I don't like these complex traps. They're complex.

    DuelistDude: Can I wear a headband of intellect in giant ape form?
    DM: As a monocle.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

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