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  1. - Top - End - #121
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Doc: “Don't worry, I'll wash my hands before handling any wounds.”
    Bertly: “Hands? Are you an ape?”
    Doc: “I might of been a griffon in a past life, I'm not sure.”
    Once, my RP partner used the wrong colors for his PC's speech. I mentioned that "PC was so angry, he changed voices!"

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Strata: “Are you sure you're not under some mind control spell or anything?”
    Doc: “Um, if I were under one would I even know?”
    Bertly: “That's something a changeling would say.”
    Wow, that synth... changeling test was terrible :D
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-06-27 at 05:04 AM.

  2. - Top - End - #122
    Pixie in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    guy: hey can you cast fire resistance on me so i can run into that fire?
    me: sure
    me: mumble mumble mumble, done, now run through that fire and grab that gem
    guy: (burning and yelling, and almost dead) thought you cast fire resistance on me
    me: i don't know how to cast spells
    Last edited by Spookykid; 2017-06-26 at 03:15 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #123
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

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    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Once, my RP partner used the wrong colors for his PC's speech. I mentioned that "PC was so angry, he changed voices!"
    LOL, wow that is a lot of anger to have that happen! :D


    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Wow, that synth... changeling test was terrible :D
    I would love to have a moment where the GM secretly lets me play a changeling disguised as Doc while the real Doc was actually somewhere else or captured. Would be amusing for a little while. Then probably get shot dead. XD


    Quote Originally Posted by Spookykid View Post
    me: i don't know how to cast spells
    Might want to mention that sooner next time. ;)


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    Minotaur Comedian: Some of those might have just been llamas with horns glued on...
    Shhh! Don't give away the trade secrets!


    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Gehnvaar View Post
    Me: I find it best to always tackle your problems head on
    Thief: I think ramming our ship onto theirs is a bit too literal
    Though technically ramming does work quite well. Trouble is surviving it!



    Xencarn: "Oh well that was your problem. Don't put me in position of authority."
    Zai: Lepers have to be front-line. They don't have any back-line skills."
    Xencarn: "Wait. Why was I a Leper?"
    Zai: "Because everyone else was already named."
    Xencarn: "Fair I guess."
    Zai: "And also because you hit like a [beep] truck."
    Xencarn: "Also fair."
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  4. - Top - End - #124
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Our good and merciful doctor is going to outfit us with grenade launchers, that's enough firepower to destroy the entire city."
    "It's more of a side project, really. I hate being idle."

    "A starfish has millions of tiny hair-like feet under each branch, allowing it to move and grasp its prey while remaining anchored to the sea floor. It's also able to prolapse its stomach, which is covered with barbs that grab food and drag it inside where it will be stored for nutrition."
    "Fascinating. Anything else we should know?"
    "This one is about 20 feet wide."
    "Ah, there's the catch."

    Xencarn: "Oh well that was your problem. Don't put me in position of authority."
    Zai: Lepers have to be front-line. They don't have any back-line skills."
    Xencarn: "Wait. Why was I a Leper?"
    Zai: "Because everyone else was already named."
    Xencarn: "Fair I guess."
    Zai: "And also because you hit like a [beep] truck."
    Xencarn: "Also fair."
    Are you doing a Darkest Dungeon inspired campaign?
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-06-28 at 03:27 AM.

  5. - Top - End - #125
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    From a one on one One Piece game:

    Daine: Is our briefcase full of money okay?
    DM: It has her face dented into it, but other than that, yeah.

    DM: Don Timoteo is standing where light from that one window frames him dramatically, and there are rose petals in the air. You’re still not sure where he gets them from.
    Daine: I’ll have to ask him one of these days.

    DM: You see one of the drunks fly through the air and Kathryn rounds the corner.
    Amber Daine: Crap. Uh, I kiss Don Timotheo, that way she can’t see our faces and will move on.
    [proceeds to fail the Deception check horribly]
    DM: Don Timotheo enters a blissful daze and shouts at the top of his lungs:
    Don Timotheo: Oh, Senorita!
    Kathryn: [turns slowly around] DAINE!

    DM: Well, you are subjected to a flying tackle by a rather irate Marine officer, and you both blast through the door, right into a vat of melted butter.
    Amber: Who keeps melted butter?
    DM: …you both say as you get up, then look at each other.
    Amber: Uh, I say “Hey there, Kathryn” seductively and write “amber” on her arm. It may just shock her enough to work.
    [rolls a lot more than strictly necessary]
    DM: She goes “Whuh?!” and blushes, and then promptly turns to amber statute. You one-shot her again.
    Amber: I have a special talent!

    DM: He has an aspect “Ushanka is love, ushanka is life”.

    DM: “The bear rolls around, mumbles “Suka blyat” and falls back asleep.

    Tom Doniphon: Aw c’mon, m’lady, that was a mighty fine hat you just shot!
    Amber: And that was my lung YOU just shot! I’m very attached to it!
    Tom: …Fair enough.

    DM: …and Captain Boris is on his knees, tears streaming from his eyes, cradling his ushanka in his arms.


    From a one on one Naruto game:

    Naruto: The very first thing you did after we met was peeing all over my stuff.
    Ama: …I’m not apologizing.

    Naruto: See now, if you just let me explode him into a fine, pink mist, we wouldn’t have this problem.

    Naruto: So, what’s your name anyway?
    Kyuubi: I’m not gonna tell you.
    Naruto: Okay then, from now on, I shall call you Foxy the Fox. Hello, Foxy!
    Kyuubi: You are so dead.

    Kiba: What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
    Naruto: Shall I fetch you a dictionary?

    Naruto: [doing his best Aku impression] SAMURAI FOOL!

    Naruto: I deny all responsibility and accept all the credit.

    Naruto: Now that I blew up a bridge, I need a new dream. Maybe I’ll blow up a society.

    Oohnoki: This photograph is biased against me.

    Naruto: And Foxy is officially a tsundere.
    Kyuubi: I’m not a tsundere!
    Naruto: …you baka?

    Naruto: And it turns out that Ama peeing on my stuff was actually to protect me. I… I don’t really know how to feel about this.

    Naruto: Oh, Genin would splatter all right, they just wouldn’t accomplish much by it.

    Sound ninja: Stop, or I step on this rice!
    Naruto: Do I look like Tennoji to you?
    Sound ninja: Well, you’re working for him!
    Naruto: Eh, I’m just gonna fertilize it with your blood.

    Random guard: So creepy!
    Naruto: And here I thought you were about to say kinky. Eh, to each his own.

    Naruto: So, uh, Ama is Amaterasu.
    Saki: You don’t say.
    Naruto: No, I mean she’s Amaterasu Amaterasu.
    Saki: Oh kami, you’re not joking, are you?
    Naruto: So, remember how you chased her around yesterday with a spray bottle after she licked you?
    Saki: [goes full BSOD]

    DM: As you destroy the barrier seal, a swarm of angry squirrels starts to rain down on you.
    Naruto: Huh. I was expecting honey badgers, but I guess this place just isn’t home.

    Yagura: Why did you shoot the moon?
    Naruto: I didn’t want to! I aimed it away from us at the sky and the moon got in the way!

    Naruto: Have we done goofed? We have done goofed, haven’t we.

    Tsunade: Naruto no!
    Naruto: Naruto yes!

    Naruto: And the moon could have been shot by anyone, really.

    Naruto: Look, first of all, the island sinking wasn’t my fault. Second of all, it was a horrible place and no one will miss it.

    Naruto: I think I’ll team up with Gaara’s team for the exams, and call our group Dedicated Scumbags.

    Naruto: Aw yeah, Naruto Uzumaki Space Program, here we go!

    Tsunade: Should I assign you to a sensitivity seminar under Might Guy?
    Naruto: Sure, but I’ll give him all sorts of ideas on how to be more youthful.
    Tsunade: Mutually assured destruction, huh?

    Saki: Why do you have a sex dungeon on the north pole?
    Naruto: Correction – why did my parents have a sex dungeon on the north pole? Wait… that question answers itself.

    Saki: The south pole too. I’m not even a little bit surprised.

    Naruto: Well, I made this to be able to get drunk, what with being a jinchuuriki and all. It may or may not have ABV content of over 100% and has a lot of sugar in it. I call it the Caramel Supplex, cause that’s what it tastes like.
    Saki: What does a supplex taste like?
    Naruto: I’d tell you to drink this and find out, but you really shouldn’t.

    Naruto: Every time I drink this, someone pops up and starts to pester me about my love life. I think there’s something wrong with the brewing process.

    Naruto: What is Kokuo even supposed to be anyway? Dolphinhorse?
    Kyuubi: Well, he was always interested in hybrids.
    Naruto: He was the weird kid of your group, wasn’t he? I feel I can relate…
    That which does not kill you made a tactical error.

  6. - Top - End - #126
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    Are you doing a Darkest Dungeon inspired campaign?
    I think they were. I was just watching their conversation on Discord. I should get in on that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Greywolf View Post
    DM: “The bear rolls around, mumbles “Suka blyat” and falls back asleep.
    I've watched enough of the 'Car Crash Time' on YouTube to have an idea what that means. :3



    Viridia: “Nah, its fine. Me and Bertly figured it out. We're kind of a dream team. Tech support and pleasures of the flesh.”

    Choro: “Fine, I'll save her. But if she tries to make me dress up like some horse princess, I won't be responsible for my overreaction!”
    Doc: “Isn't overreacting part of being a horse princess?”

    Strata: “Yeah, a sword's just a sword, until it's an artifact intending to consume the souls of Equestrians.”
    Vaughn: “THIS UNIT IS NOT REASSURED.”

    Moon: “I've been looking for either a server, or some sort of power source. Instead, I found goats. And one pony.”
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  7. - Top - End - #127
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "To be safe, is the Bard is nursing our mage with a baby bottle full of beer when I come in?"
    "Good thing Kobolds don't breastfeed."
    "I don't want to hear anything about that for the next few forevers."

    "Why do you have a kobold on your lap?"
    "It was a mistake. A happy mistake."

    "Okay, I'll just roll him up into a blanket burrito and carry him around. We'll take him out when we need him."

    "I use spellstrike Spell-stored double Shocking Grasp, and pretty much destroy that mass of tentacles...and it's still alive. Then you come, literally SPIT on him and it DIES!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-06-28 at 03:04 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #128
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    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    *josé and grim, heads overboard, puking their guts out*
    monk: grim i can understand, but why the hell is josé seasick?! he's like, part-fish!
    josé, between dry heaves: foolish mistake casting "detect evil" in the devil's toilet bowl! *pukes*

    dm: so, are you walking or sailing back to riddle-port?
    team, minus josé: walking!!
    josé: aww, no love for adventures in the devil's toilet bowl?
    *grim gets green...er in the face.*
    dm: to be fair, you'll be trekking on the devil's toilet seat.
    eva: gross!
    korinn: good thing josé's the minister of chlorine, then.
    josé: with canons, i am the face of the flush! the pope of the potty! the thane of the throne! the leader of the lavatory! the winner of the water-closet! the lord of the loo! the...
    dm and team: *evil glare*
    josé ooc: commendable effort, but still weaksauce *dodges a saucisson thrown by dm*

    dm: no, josé, i don't care what you rolled, you're not trading your beret for a fez!!

    korinn: ok, let's be subtle about this *looks at team* nevermind, then.

    josé: what's the dc on an evil glare behind a corner?

    grim: so, if i hit someone, it's an evil act, but if it's to stop evil, then it becomes a good act right?
    monk: *cold-clocks a pickpocket, and loots the unconscious body* blablabla! let's go to the bar!

    dm: why the hell is josé speaking arabic with a gypsy accent?!
    eva: running gag?
    monk: no, that'd be his mom that we don't talk about.

    grim: *prays to cayden caillean with a written and role-played speech/prayer combo*
    dm: congratulations, you just made a god get a boner, and need a change of underwear. you now have to call him "daddy".
    korinn: this got weird fast.
    monk: welcome to the table!
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  9. - Top - End - #129
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Fable Wright's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Carter: Oh my god! I actually made that roll! Carter leaps onto the concrete with all the grace of a goldfish flopping on land!

    The Batter and Carter being frog marched at gunpoint into a shipping container
    Carter: Batter, don't kill them, we just want to talk. Let's go along with this.

    Mr. Cook: I'm a baker, the most powerful identity in the game, for I can make erotic pastries!

    Carter: Erotic pastries don't work that way.
    Mr. Cook: They certainly do! It's a big part of my charging, whacking demon-infested people on the head with erotic pastries and—
    Carter: But why would that do anything?!
    Mr. Cook: Look, do you want to hear the metaphysical explanation, or do you want to know what they do?
    Carter: The metaphysical explanation, please!

    GM: Three men come in and point guns at all of you.
    Carter: Okay, it'll be fine, let's not hurt any of them. We're right where we want to be.
    Thugs: *Grab Carter and drag him out of the shipping container, locking the rest of the party inside*
    Rest of party: *panics*

    Mr. Cook: Does he have any pictures of loved ones in his wallet?
    GM: He's got pictures of his young wife.
    Mr. Cook: I take them out and eat them in front of him. Slowly.
    The Batter: I whack him on the head with my bat again.
    GM: He has no idea what's going on, and just gives you an expression pleading, 'why?'

    Tong Leader: Or, you might know nothing, and I still have no reason to keep you alive. I'll be back later.
    Thugs: *begin beating Carter to a pulp while he's tied to a chair.*
    *later*
    GM: The Tong leader returns flanked by two bodyguards, and—
    Carter: (unbound, bloody, and sitting patiently on the chair he was handcuffed to) The bodyguards can't move.
    *dice rolls*
    GM: One of them flops unconscious, and the other one begins wobbling like a top. The Tong leader begins shouting panicked Chinese.
    Carter: I tried to be nice. I just wanted to talk. And here we are.

    GM: The old man looks at you from within the magical wards, opening his eyes for the first time, and croaks out, "Do you have any heroin?"

    The Batter: You two make the best therapists. Carter gives people teddy bears, and Mr. Cook feeds people cake. I wish I had therapists like you.

    Tong Leader: You all may leave. But he must stay. *Gestures to Carter*
    Carter: *are you serious look*
    Tong Leader: We can give you everything you need! Make you stronger, give you magical artifacts, incense!

    Mr. Cook: Or he might just be a guy who put on a magical pidgeon mascot head one day. No one knows.
    Carter: (Bane Impression) No one cared who I was before I put on the mask!

    Mr. Cook: So we have a Magical Larping Real Life Vampire, Back in Mak led by The "Real" Derek Jackson, and He Who Fights Monsters Dot Dot Dot in our hometown.
    Carter: And Chicago has the Ferrymen led by Kai Ron, who is a normal guy in a polo most of the time until he gets on a boat; The Chicago Street Rats; The Strong Splinters of the Naked Goddess led by The Lamb In Wolf's Clothing; The Crossroads, led by Gran Torino; The Resurgence, led by the Pidgeon King; and finally the Knights of the Grail, led by Lancelot.
    The Batter: This'll be interesting.

    Carter: I should make Lord Chompybits.
    The Batter: Who?
    Carter: *posts image*
    The Batter: My god, I'd rather fight Lancelot than that thing! That's not cuddly at all!
    Carter: Oh, what, the pony-snake was too cuddly for you, but this is too uncuddly? Make up your mind!
    Last edited by Fable Wright; 2017-06-29 at 01:29 AM.
    Used to be DMofDarkness
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  10. - Top - End - #130
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Strata: “Yeah, a sword's just a sword, until it's an artifact intending to consume the souls of Equestrians.”
    Vaughn: “THIS UNIT IS NOT REASSURED.”
    It could be worse - the sword might start asking what sort of pizza to get.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    *dodges a saucisson thrown by dm*
    I'm in for any game where the DM serves saucisson.

  11. - Top - End - #131
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "All hail Pistacchio Greyscale of the Death Loogie. And by 'all' I mean 'the five of us plus one camel', because we're the only ones who are going to believe that bull@#§*, and even then just barely. And we SAW it happen."

  12. - Top - End - #132
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I'm in for any game where the DM serves saucisson.
    check my sig, it's been the mainstay of all my groups for years. gotta love this country sometimes. you can hate it for being impossible to find a decent english-speaker here, but not for the food... or the wine... this probably explains a lot about why my characters tend to be loony or ax-crazy.
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  13. - Top - End - #133
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Don't just stand there, move a bust!"

  14. - Top - End - #134
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "The General seems slightly past her best years, but despite the few gray hairs she still has the stalwart poise and gaze of a seasoned warrior."
    "MILF alert!"
    "MILF!"
    "Did someone say MILF?"
    "...Just to be original, Leona joke."
    "...note to self, give her Detect Thoughts next time."

    "Well, the concept of my character is this: imagine you hear the sound of a military trumpet out of nowhere. You turn around, and you see a two-feet tall blonde guy, with a bandanna made of bloody pigeon quills around his head, pointing a lance as big as a broomstick at you, charging towards you on the most pissed off cow you've ever seen. Also, he's surrounded by two other ghostly little guys who look eager to smack you with their incorporeal staves. And all the time he's spouting some chivalrous but nonsensical stuff about law and honor and reputation. That's how I see myself in a couple levels."

    "Lady Scarlet Bucktapper the Loyal, General of the Armed Forces of Chroma, Chief Royal Guard, Conquerer of the Three Horns and Mistress of the Chariot!"
    "Why are you introducing that many people if there's just one woman there?"
    "..."
    "...oh."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-01 at 01:35 AM.

  15. - Top - End - #135
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    PaladinGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Salvador: Who the heck is that? Wasn't Shelinne dead?
    Jorge: Well, yes. This is actually sort of a guardian angel created by my soul and memories of Shelinne. So she is essentially her, watching over me.
    Salvador: You and I need to have a talk about coping...

    Salvador: Well, I'm a respected High Inquisitor, and the Supreme High Inquisitor considers me his protegeé. So unless they start purging even the highest echelons of the Church, I'm safe.
    Lenore: Ain't that Cardinal Maurice being burned at the stake?
    Salvador: Yeah... Alongside my hopes...

    Supreme High Inquisitor: Let me get this straight... You not only made open use of supernatural powers, leaving all witnesses to live, but did this at a border town during a trade festival. And you let the protegeé of a traitor Cardinal flee the scene...
    Salvador: We did stop the demon, and I got its heart for study, since it was still expelling demonic energies.
    Supreme High Inquisitor: Where is this demon heart, exactly?
    Salvador: In my room.
    Supreme High Inquisitor: In your room...
    Salvador: Yes.
    Supreme High Inquisitor: In your room that has direct access to both the Holy Reliquary and the Archives of the Order...
    Lenore: I'll start the fire...

  16. - Top - End - #136
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    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Slayer: "Oh dangit! I just realized I'm not proficient with whips!"
    Alchemist: "Hang on, I got a formula for that." (Pulls out a potion of Bestow Weapon Proficiency)
    Slayer: "Huh, there really is a drug for everything."
    Alchemist: "Of course there is. You think your good doctor doesn't know how to make a medicine for whiplash?"

    "I know I'm not the best tank, but I'm working on growing an armadillo out of my ulna, that's going to fare me a bit better."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-01 at 10:54 AM.

  17. - Top - End - #137
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    Guizonde's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    Slayer: "Oh dangit! I just realized I'm not proficient with whips!"
    Alchemist: "Hang on, I got a formula for that." (Pulls out a potion of Bestow Weapon Proficiency)
    Slayer: "Huh, there really is a drug for everything."
    Alchemist: "Of course there is. You think your good doctor doesn't know how to make a medicine for whiplash?"
    i groaned when i thought about the apple store: there's an app for that. please tell me the alchemist isn't called steve. awesome pun, though.
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  18. - Top - End - #138
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    i groaned when i thought about the apple store: there's an app for that. please tell me the alchemist isn't called steve. awesome pun, though.
    Nope, but he's named Root. So there is a programming pun in there, just a bit deeper.

  19. - Top - End - #139
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Imp

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Interdimensional skeleton politics scare me."

    "I mean, that's pretty big. But is it 41st millennium big?"

    "The disco king is the strongest, but mostly just 'cause he controls the biggest infinity."

    "Grumbling through his grinding teeth, nearly vibrating with barely restrained fury at the borderline heresy around him, the priest says "Grand slamwich, please.""

  20. - Top - End - #140
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    GAAD's Avatar

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    Feb 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Sam: "Grab some furniture to cover the trapdoor! We need to stem the tide of raptor turtles!"
    Olga: "Right. I toss a chair down the hole."

    Me: "Please stop using my own traps against me."
    Sam: Stop making them so easy to exploit!"

    Drek: "I inscribe that booby trap circle from earlier on a couple of pebbles, and expend the ritual ingredients you told me about when I rolled a twenty."
    Me: "Okay..."
    Drek: "I now have a dozen landmines."

    Olga: "Quickly! Let's all run into the secret room! There's no doorknob inside, so we should be safe!"
    Sam: *facepalm*

    Drek: "If I want someone to travel with the party, I want a FRIEND, not someone I'm worried about stabbing me in the back!"
    Olga: "What's the difference"

    Drek: "What else do you have, devil?"
    Cheezleblub: "Well, my friend does have this fiddle made of gold..."
    Sam: "DEVIL'S IN THE HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN!"

    Sam: "We just won the adventure... by tossing a chair down a hole full of murderous turtles, collecting poop, beetles, pebbles, and rope, and extorting a devil. I LOVE this game."
    Have a gaad day everybody!
    Help me write a story: Singular, a GITP Forum Adventure!
    Avatar Avatar avatar by Howl

  21. - Top - End - #141
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Lady Scarlet Bucktapper
    Is she a pony?

  22. - Top - End - #142
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Is she a pony?
    Nope, she comes from a family of leatherworkers. Buck-tappers. As in, they hammer (tap) animal hides (bucks) to fit them into shape.

    I'm all about the fine details.
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-02 at 11:01 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #143
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Buster: "I ain't goin' in there!"
    Nyfe: "And why not?"
    Buster: "That's a ninja house! Ninjas got it out for me!"

    Nyfe: "Be careful everyone, this place is most likely trapped."
    Wyzz: *accidentally steps on a trigger* "...ops."
    *left wall slides down, right wall ejects Nyfe, Wyzz, and Sypher form the corridor*
    Buster: "F***ing ninja house!"

    Dealer: As you regain consciousness, you find yourself alone in the middle of a maze-like garden.
    Nyfe: "Great, how could this get any worse?" *notices Dealer's expression* Why are you smiling?
    Dealer: As you ponder your situation aloud, you hear a growl. Judging form the sound, you're pretty sure that whatever made it is rather large, and also right behind you.
    Nyfe: "...s***."

    Dealer: ...] also, there are two ropes hanging in the middle of the room.
    Rivit: I go up and pull one!
    Buster: "No Wait!"
    Dealer: Which one?
    Rivit: Uh, the one on the left?
    Dealer: *checks notes* As you pull the rope, a long rod of bamboo shoots up from the floor and wedges itself in Buster's [rear].
    Buster: "F***ING NINJA HOUSE!"

    Dealer: I've got good news, bad news, and a consolation. The good news is that [Nyfe] manage(s) to dive right though the hole in the planks. The bad news is that you get stuck half way though. The consolation is that your teammates are right in front of you.
    Sypher: "What's going on?"
    Nyfe: "IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME!"
    Sypher: "Huh?" *sees giant monster though the planks* "Oh."
    Last edited by ZeroGear; 2017-07-03 at 05:43 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #144
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    Nope, she comes from a family of leatherworkers. Buck-tappers. As in, they hammer (tap) animal hides (bucks) to fit them into shape.

    I'm all about the fine details.
    Nice creativity! That's not something I would have guessed.


    GM: “Moonshadow wants a mansion, Choro wants a wizard's laboratory, while Viridia would just need a pit full of mares.”
    Moon: “What mansion is complete without a pit full of mares?”

    Moon: “Hi I'm Moonshadow. I'm not a psychotic unicorn, insane cultist, or secretly a breezie. Vote for me!”
    Viridia: “When they said ‘You're in bed with the mayor’...”
    Livewire: “Everyone in this town has to contribute to the town as a whole if it's going to survive. I mean, I already planted a bomb on Sari's boat! Wildcard, b**ches, yeah!” (*Cue explosions*)
    Choro: *votes for Livewire*
    Doc: “Livewire needs to stop watching Michael Bray movies.”

    GM: “Oh hey, what’s that beeping sound?”
    Doc: “Eep! That's not factory standard!”
    Improvised Landmine: *Detonates!*

    Doc: “Cough. Well someone didn't want me... mining their business. Guess the way's clear now.”
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  25. - Top - End - #145
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Livewire: “I mean, I already planted a bomb on Sari's boat! Wildcard, b**ches, yeah!” (*Cue explosions*)

    GM: “Oh hey, what’s that beeping sound?”
    Doc: “Eep! That's not factory standard!”
    Improvised Landmine: *Detonates!*
    Any relation?

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    Dealer: ...] also, there are two ropes hanging in the middle of the room.
    Rivit: I go up and pull one!
    Buster: "No Wait!"
    Dealer: Which one?
    Rivit: Uh, the one on the left?
    What does the right one do? One may never know.

  26. - Top - End - #146
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Ow! You literal son of a mechanical, saw-toothed, music-activated three-headed fire-spouting metal-assed b@#§h!"

    "I pour one out from my veggie smoothie on his corpse. Cheers, you thieving, lying, egotistical, rat-duping, gold-hogging, priest-shaming 'paladin'. I'd pray for your soul to reach hell, but seems your goddess is already taking care of that."

    "I can use an animal disguise kit to disguise an animal as another animal."
    "So, if I transform into a panther, can you make me look like a rat?"
    "Yeah, but a rat is much smaller than you, you'll be easy to see through."
    "Ah well, disguise me as a dire rat instead."
    "A vigilante disguised as a panther disguised as a dire rat?"
    "All part of my job."

    "Your plan to put another hole in the castle's master seems a bit iffy."
    "You got a better plan?"
    (Shows a frag grenade) "Put more holes into him. A loooooot more holes."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-05 at 03:44 AM.

  27. - Top - End - #147
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Any relation?
    Dear Luna, I hope not. Livewire had a crush on Doc and I don't want to learn this is her way of expressing it.


    Viridia: “What was the kaboom? I heard an earth-shattering kaboom!”
    Doc: “That was just me. Somepony rigged an improvised bomb to keep everyone out of this room and I disabled it the easy way.”
    Stellar: “I don't believe I'm saying this, but can we try the hard way next time?”
    Doc: “I reckon I could, as long as diffusing a bomb is like an appendectomy.”

    GM: “Hugging Strata was sort of like hugging a balloon filled with cold mud.”

    Viridia: “Yeah, but my magic only makes blood run to their genitals. Rather than all over all the things.”

    Doc: “Between Doc's PER 7 and Stellar's PER 4 we should see them 110% of the time.”
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  28. - Top - End - #148
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kobold

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Doc: “Between Doc's PER 7 and Stellar's PER 4 we should see them 110% of the time.”
    That's... probability does not work that way!


    A Surprisingly Light Session

    FairyHalfling: The Far Rook is not happy with what you did to me!
    NecroGnome: I didn't do it! It was supposed to be a morning-after potion!
    FairyHalfling: You're the one that screwed it up!
    NecroGnome: ...er, what did it do? (I want to do a thorough medical check.)
    DM: You realize you'd need to touch her to do that.
    NecroGnome: Nevermind.


    DM: You make your way to the appointed dock, and catch sight of your ride, The Gangrel. You are greeted by this man (Jack Sparrow.gif)
    DuelistDude: Can we get a different captain?


    ElfKnight: So we can go to "A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villiany," or we can go to "Someplace Even Worse, Which Also Has A Medusa"
    FairyHalfling: Or we could row in on the North shore here, near this gap in the mountains, and avoid all the plot hooks.


    MonkeyMonk: Let's tie a rope to Necro, then throw him overboard. It's not like he needs to breathe.
    DM: The last time you used him for trolling, you actually caught trolls.


    DM: Searching the creature's stomach, you find several coins, a couple of large quartz stones... and a wheel of cheese.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  29. - Top - End - #149
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "You won't believe it even if I tell you, but I basically embarassed this deer to death. Sooo...which cut?"

    "You underestimate the power of my dentures!"

    "You are, like, the worst moonshiner ever. But it's ok, I didn't need that stomach mucous anyway."

    "I thought we had to get engaged in a mafia war, we got stuck hiking to save your sister from the dragon porn industry instead."

    "We'll be riding in three on the same camel, uphill. I'm so getting a ticket for this."

    "A swarm of shrews? Eh...we gotta let them pass. They got right of way."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-07 at 04:46 AM.

  30. - Top - End - #150
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

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    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Paladin: I use the dwarf as a battering ram!

    Warlock: I demand you immediately return this poor guard to life!
    Necromancer: Don't worry, I guarantee he'll be moving again in a few minutes.

    Cleric: Basically, my character concept is 'creepy guy who murders people and sucks blood'.
    Necromancer: Silly me, thinking the fact that we'd finally gotten a cleric meant I could start to expect healing now.
    Last edited by Inevitability; 2017-07-05 at 01:55 PM.
    Gold: the color of lawful neutrality.

    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

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