Page 6 of 25 FirstFirst 12345678910111213141516 ... LastLast
Results 151 to 180 of 724
  1. - Top - End - #151
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "This is boo-ring! Don't we have a radio on this piece of junk?"
    "We got a phonograph. And only one LP for it."
    "What is it?"
    "Faccetta Nera."
    "...crank that s@#t up."

    (20 minutes later)

    "Okay, something tells me the fact those beduins are shooting us on sight has something to do with our taste in music."

    "Ave, Frate"
    "What did he just say?"
    "It's Latin for 'greetings, brother'"
    "Ah, I see, it's informal. Ave right back at ya, bro!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-06 at 07:05 AM.

  2. - Top - End - #152
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    That's... probability does not work that way!



    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "You are, like, the worst moonshiner ever. But it's ok, I didn't need that stomach mucous anyway."
    With a good mechanic you might have a decent substitute for aviation fuel. ;)


    Quote Originally Posted by Inevitability View Post
    Paladin: I use the dwarf as a battering ram!
    This must have been the same line that led to the He-Man character, Ram Man.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Okay, something tells me the fact those beduins are shooting us on sight has something to do with our taste in music."
    Good possibility, yeah.



    Doc: “My theory is that this lab might be where they invent flavoring for their products.”
    GM: “The places where where meat quality is tested and where R&D is located are, hopefully, two different places.”
    Doc: “I dunno about that. It sounds like there's something really interesting in the basement.”
    GM: “There's always something in the basement. If someone says there is nothing in their basement that just means that their closest isn't big enough for all the corpses.”
    Doc: “Granted that, yes, there will always be something in the basement, including a few ‘skeletons’. However, we have two sources talking about those skeletons in unpleasant ways that make it sound like not all those bodies stopped wiggling.”

    Choro: “WHOOO! Doc just crit’d Survival! Does that mean we find the Holy Grail?”

    Thanatos: (*gives Moonshadow an apple*) “A suggestion; if you have not ate anything recently, do so. This place plays tricks with the mind.”
    Moon: “Like a strange stallion appearing in the middle of a very hostile factory with no apparent help, and offering me food?”

    Doc: “I could probably cut bone with this thing. With the booze I think I got an amputation kit now.”
    Stellar: “I hope that never becomes necessary. At least I'm reasonably sure you could put us back together again if you had to take a limb off, but I'd rather not have to put it to the test!”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  3. - Top - End - #153
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Diego Havoc's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Madeline: I'm a lean, mean, bureaucracy machine!

    Kula: We're going to fly out of the gate to Hell on the back of a storm dragon with several demons in tow.
    Yukari: It will be the most metal thing ever!

    Yukari: The Oni Emperor has been defeated by salami.

    Kula: Kula see why they no like gods here: They all whiny!

    GM: Also there is Hyakko's Wife, who is terrible.
    Kula: Is that her full name? Hyakko's Wife Who Is Terrible?
    GM: I'll say that her name translates as "The Terrible", so yes.

    Yukari: Bullets! My one weakness!

    Madeline: Librarians! My one weakness!

    Yukari: Look, they don't teach maths in demon school! They teach you how to murder people!
    Last edited by Diego Havoc; 2017-07-06 at 04:43 PM.
    Just call me Diego. Mr. Havoc was my father.
    Spoiler: About Me
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by SiuiS View Post
    Diego Havoc, one of the hoopier froods I've met, up there with DeLancie.



  4. - Top - End - #154
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "It's never too late to start thinking of breaking through walls and blowing everything up as plan...Z, at most."
    "It's bad enough that plans A through X got busted already, though."

  5. - Top - End - #155
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "It's never too late to start thinking of breaking through walls and blowing everything up as plan...Z, at most."
    "It's bad enough that plans A through X got busted already, though."
    welp, there goes escape plans a and b... also stealth plan c, and distraction plan a...

    ... we're not exactly subtle. unless anti-tank mines and flamethrowers count as subtle aid for a bank robbery.
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  6. - Top - End - #156
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Inevitability's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Planes of Law

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "I will have sex with the fire!"
    "Briefly, I assume?"
    Gold: the color of lawful neutrality.

    Have you had enough of unreasonably high LA's and unplayable monsters in 3.5? Then check out the LA-assignment thread! Don't hesitate to give feedback!

    Extended signature!

  7. - Top - End - #157
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    P2: "What did the headdress do?"
    GM: "What, the Indian headdress?"
    P3: "Be offensive?"

    P1: (in mock-desperation) "Help! We're divvying out loot."
    P3: "We're stuck in loot purgatory."
    P2: "We're in an endless loot."

    P3: "Hey, [P6], want an adamantine earthbreaker?"
    P6: "I'm a shaman."

    P1: "We'd have to disassemble you, and I don't think any of us have Craft (carpentry)."
    P3: "I have Craft (carpentry)."
    P1: "Yes, but you'd be disassembled."

    P3: "Who are you?"
    P6: "..." (makes hand gesture)
    P3: "Who are you?"
    P6: "I am me."
    P3: "Hello, me."
    Last edited by bulbaquil; 2017-07-08 at 09:52 PM.
    Planck length = 1.524e+0 m, Planck time = 6.000e+0 s. Mass quantum ~ 9.072e-3 kg because "50 coins weigh a pound" is the smallest weight mentioned. And light has five quantum states.

  8. - Top - End - #158
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Viridia: “What was the kaboom? I heard an earth-shattering kaboom!”
    Doc: “That was just me. Somepony rigged an improvised bomb to keep everyone out of this room and I disabled it the easy way.”
    Does no one in the party have Disarm Bomb? That's like going into a dungeon without a lockpicker!

    Quote Originally Posted by Inevitability View Post
    Cleric: Basically, my character concept is 'creepy guy who murders people and sucks blood'.
    Necromancer: Silly me, thinking the fact that we'd finally gotten a cleric meant I could start to expect healing now.
    I know a party where the necromancer is more of a healer than the cleric.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Thanatos: (*gives Moonshadow an apple*) “A suggestion; if you have not ate anything recently, do so. This place plays tricks with the mind.”
    Moon: “Like a strange stallion appearing in the middle of a very hostile factory with no apparent help, and offering me food?”
    An apple, even? Totally not suspicious at all!
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-07-09 at 07:58 AM.

  9. - Top - End - #159
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Response!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    Does no one in the party have Disarm Bomb? That's like going into a dungeon without a lockpicker!
    Our rogue, Moonshadow, is split off from the party elsewhere. Doc has been picking locks by either applied force or shooting them.



    Digo: "They're both professional chefs. So they saved a ton of money and we still felt like we made love to a casserole dish."

    GM: "Nick, I need an initiative from Eddie."
    Digo: "22!"
    Nick: "I didn't roll yet."
    Digo: "Anticipating your die's whim, sir."

    GM: "Do you all remember way back, to those gorillas that gave you such trouble?"
    Digo: "Oh god, it's the sequel no one asked for."
    GM: "This is Battle for the Planet of the Apes!"

    GM: "What is Armond going to do?"
    Digo: "Those gorillas over there are in a nice Fireball formation."
    Mel: "Aren't you worried about setting the forest on fire?"
    Digo: "I'm about to get pummeled by Donkey Kong, the forest can go buck itself."

    GM: "And William takes a javelin to the chest."
    Mel: "He's a Gemini?"
    William: "Ow. Message for you, sir."

    Mel: "Pardon me while I... whip this out."
    Gorillas: *GASP*
    Donkey Kong: "Not in front of the children!!"
    Nick: "Well that's not nice. Chris is at least 45."

    Nick: "Gorilla #5 looks like a zebra."
    Digo: "Those are grill marks."

    Narrator: "William, that was the most heroic thing I have ever seen!"
    Narrator: "William is about to die."
    Nick: "Quick, throw a ham at him!"

    GM: "Armond will fan the hammer."
    Mel: "Must be nice not worrying about ammo."
    GM: "Well it depends. He actually gets just 50 rounds per day, so on a long encounter..."
    Nick: "On the other hand, he's shooting 50 people a day! Wow!"

    GM: "He was so excited to fire his photon torpedo that he forgot to raise shields."
    Digo: "Thanks, Kirk."

    GM: "Digo can now brag that his wife's chest took out a gorilla."

    Digo: "Armond is flanked by gorilla fists. His best course of action is to cast Grease on himself and shut his eyes."

    Nick: "I slapped that monkey so hard, the monkey turned to Mel and said 'let that be a lesson to you.'"

    GM: "I corrected myself! Back up your 30, wench."
    Digo: "That's not my wench, that's my wife."
    Nick: "Shut up, Carol Vane."

    GM: Oh come on! It's just one injured gorilla!"
    Nick: "It's not a gorilla, it's a one-monkey-dope-slappin'-bugger-machine!"

    GM: "There are two reasons why I go to Olive Garden. One, their breadsticks--"
    Nick: "Two, they're not owned by the mob."

    GM: "I'm pretty convinced that it isn't nuclear weapons that doomed mankind, it's deep fryers."

    Nick: "They have a 50mm sniper rifle."
    GM: "Okay, but I have no reason to snipe someone in Miami from here."

    Armond: "I'll pay you 200gp to use the healing staff on me."
    Mel: "I'm not going to charge you for healing."
    Digo: "Psst, ask for a 50gp donation towards weapons upgrades."
    Mel: "Sheesh, Deeg. Since when did you become so mercenary?"
    Digo: "It must me my rogue level talking."

    Nick: "What's your cutie mark?"
    Freya: "My name."
    Digo: "So why is it swollen?"

    GM: "Well that horse is another casualty."
    Mel: "You know--give up. TPK."
    Nick: "What, total pony kill?"
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-07-09 at 08:37 AM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  10. - Top - End - #160
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    [SPOILER=Response!]

    Nick: "They have a 50mm sniper rifle."
    GM: "Okay, but I have no reason to snipe someone in Miami from here."
    unless you meant "cal" instead of "mm", to quote daffy duck: "big bullet".

    (for reference, a .50 caliber bullet has a diameter of 12.7mm, or in imperial units, that 50mm bullet is 2in wide.)

    ... does that sniper rifle come in hot pink? it's for a friend. i swear.
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  11. - Top - End - #161
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Spoiler: Response!
    Show

    Our rogue, Moonshadow, is split off from the party elsewhere. Doc has been picking locks by either applied force or shooting them.
    Never split the party!

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: "Armond will fan the hammer."
    Mel: "Must be nice not worrying about ammo."
    GM: "Well it depends. He actually gets just 50 rounds per day, so on a long encounter..."
    Nick: "On the other hand, he's shooting 50 people a day! Wow!"
    What if he misses or fails to kill someone with a round? He'll be short!

  12. - Top - End - #162
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Let's not get too dramatic here."
    "Says the one who's always listening to Crawling."
    "Hey, I'm past that stuff. I'm listening to In the End right now!"

  13. - Top - End - #163
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    unless you meant "cal" instead of "mm", to quote daffy duck: "big bullet".
    Well, it *is* a no context thing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Guizonde View Post
    ... does that sniper rifle come in hot pink? it's for a friend. i swear.
    I have seen a hot-pink sniper rifle in picturtes, so I'm going to say yes.


    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    What if he misses or fails to kill someone with a round? He'll be short!
    He was short to begin with. The dude barely taller than my character and I'm the human Belkar of the group.



    GM: "The lions finish their surprise round."
    Digo: "They're lions?"
    GM: "Yes."
    Digo: "African or European?"
    GM: "Dire."
    Nick: "Think Metro Goldwyn Mayer."
    Digo: "Ah. That is dire."

    GM: "Eddie is a 42-Mule. He's half-warhorse."
    Nick: "Yeah, but the rest of him is half-assed."

    Cringer: "I'm gonna bite this fire elemental!"

    Mel: "It's not just a lion, it's a lion on fire biting a fire elemental and catching more fire."
    William: "Well I'm glad y'all dragged me off the farm to see this."

    GM: "Roll for your companion, Freya, to stabilize. You need a 19 or 20 or she dies."
    Mel: "Use your Advantage ability, Deeg."
    Digo: "Already on it!" *Rolls 2d20*
    Die 1: *18*
    Die 2: *18*
    Digo: "I think the universe just gave me the biggest middle finger possible."

    GM: "Eddie is the mule version of William."
    Mel: *Maxes out her healing spell on Eddie*
    Digo: "What, do you heal better under sleep dep?"
    GM: "Geez, this fight. We got a flaming lion, the mule knows kung-fu, the horse is transforming by divine blessing..."
    Mel: "And a runaway mage who used Expeditious Retreat literally."

    Chris: "I have Boots of Escaping! I have Boots of Escaping!"

    Mel: "Well Eddie is gone."
    Nick: "Hmm. It was nice knowing you."
    Digo: "Did you just look at your burger longingly?"
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-07-09 at 01:30 PM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  14. - Top - End - #164
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "The paladin gives you a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-your-companions stare"
    "And I reply with a they-got-a-lot-of-issues glance."

  15. - Top - End - #165
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    TurboGhast's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Viet: Why is this guy marked as a poser?

    DM: Ariaothulan lives on a mountainous island to the northwest of Kanu.
    Later...
    DM: Ariaolthulan's private island is to the northwest, I misread my own map.


    DM: The unknown figures are approaching Kanu.
    Viet: What's Kanu.
    DM: You live there.


    Eputki: I'm going to go on a quest for purification.
    DM: Eputki dashes north.
    Viet: Perfect time for an opportunity attack!

    I'm kidding








    Viet: Wait, Eputki's sword still has the curse on it.
    Last edited by TurboGhast; 2017-07-09 at 10:45 PM.
    Link to true signature
    Feel free to sig anything I post, just do so in quote format.

  16. - Top - End - #166
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2010

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Inevitability View Post
    "I will have sex with the fire!"
    "Briefly, I assume?"
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post

    Cringer: "I'm gonna bite this fire elemental!"
    I sense a pattern here.


    Buster: *punches frozen carrot through back of minion's skull* "Eat your vegetables."

    Buster: "Name one manly guy that actually pulled this plan off!"
    Nyfe: "Thor."
    Wyzz: "Joseph Jostar."
    Rivit: "Could Strife."
    Buster: "...I hate you all."

    Mell the mob boss: "It is so hard to decide, so here's what we'll do: you shall all fight in a tournament and I shall make love to the victor!"

    Rivit: "That's not a woman! That's godzilla with bangs!"

    Mell: "Now, you all die while I go ravish your friend."
    Rivit: "You know that [Sypher]'s an android, right?"
    Mell: "...I don't mind."

    Rivit: "Did you just hack a giant robot? With magic?"
    Wyzz: "Yep."

    Buster: "It's not a party until something blows up, preferably because of me."
    Last edited by ZeroGear; 2017-07-10 at 01:33 AM.
    If there is anything I learned from D&D, it is to never bull rush a Gelatenous Cube.

    Spoiler: Visit me
    Show


    Spoiler: Old Projects
    Show

    Project Loreshift, game development in Progress

    Races of Wake

    Wake Human subspecies


    Anyone who reads this has just lost "the Game".

  17. - Top - End - #167
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    He was short to begin with. The dude barely taller than my character and I'm the human Belkar of the group.
    Hey, don't change the subject! :P

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Mel: "It's not just a lion, it's a lion on fire biting a fire elemental and catching more fire."
    I think I saw that in a playthrough of BotW last week.

    Tentacle monster appears.
    PC1: I'm the one wearing a chainmail bikini!
    PC2: I'm the one with the bondage theme!
    Last edited by goto124; 2017-07-10 at 05:13 AM.

  18. - Top - End - #168
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kobold

    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Doldrums

    ElfKnight: Okay, I'm going to flip the wand to the "Advanced" setting.
    DM: The various gems start blinking as the wand gives off an audible whirring sound. Roll a d10,000.
    Party: (Ducks)

    ElfKnight: I aim the wand at the water (clatter).
    DM: You read the ocean's thoughts: Cold, uncaring, constant, and the urge to wash everything down into the depths. Take 5 points of ennui damage.

    FairyHalfling: Or maybe I should call Maryann. She could send birds fly into the sails.
    DM:Oh yes. "Squawk! thumpthumpthump thumpthump! Splat." Covering the ship in stunned birds couldn't possibly go badly.

    DM: The glowing purple magical waters push the ship forward. You can see what appears to be fish reflecting in the light.
    NecroGnome: I'm gonna go fishing.

    DM: You feel a tug on the line, and a large shadow rises through the water
    NecroGnome: Alright, I caught a big one! Reel it in! Reel it in!
    DM: A large lobster-like creature breaks the surface, water oozily dripping from the mass of tentacles that makes up it's face. Your fishing line is wrapped around one claw.
    NecroGnome: Throw it back! Throw it back!

    FairyHalfling: I blast the crab-thing off the front of the boat.
    DM: The blasts hit the creature, launching it backwards 20'
    NecroGnome: Did I ever let go of the line?
    DM:... Athletics check.
    NecroGnome: Ha! This should be easy with my giant's belt. (Nat 1). Sonofa-whaaaaa!

    DM: Your axeblow releases a wave of necrotic energy, causing the crustacean to explode in a shower of dark goo. You and MonkeyMonk reek like a bad fish market, or a good oyster stew.

    NecroGnome: I'm gonna go fishing again!
    FairyHalfling: I'm going to tie him to the mast with his fishing line.
    Why yes, Warlock is my solution for everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by obryn View Post
    Active Abilities are great because you - the player - are demonstrating your Dwarvenness or Elfishness. You're not passively a dwarf, you're actively dwarfing your way through obstacles.

  19. - Top - End - #169
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Our first paladin is in his underwear and being dragged towards his funereal pyre by our second paladin. Is that some brocode thing?"

    "Watch out! I'll use this frag grenade to break them out of their trance!"

    "Does he have any weapons?"
    "He has a walking stick."
    "NUKE HIM!"
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-10 at 04:21 PM.

  20. - Top - End - #170
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Spoiler: Responses!
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Let's not get too dramatic here."
    Well someone is overly optimistic.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "And I reply with a they-got-a-lot-of-issues glance."
    haha, I need to remember this one.


    Quote Originally Posted by TurboGhast View Post
    DM: The unknown figures are approaching Kanu.
    Viet: What's Kanu.
    DM: You live there.
    No sense of direction. O.o


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    I sense a pattern here.
    Fire is just too good a first-round solution for life's problems. Its easy to acquire and use! Fun for the whole party!

    Batteries sold separately.


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroGear View Post
    Buster: "Name one manly guy that actually pulled this plan off!"
    Rivit: "Could Strife."
    Low standards?


    Quote Originally Posted by Joe the Rat View Post
    DM: The various gems start blinking as the wand gives off an audible whirring sound. Roll a d10,000.
    Party: (Ducks)
    RUN!!


    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade View Post
    "Does he have any weapons?"
    "He has a walking stick."
    "NUKE HIM!"
    Hahahaha, good call. XD



    Nick: "Digo, take one for the team, I have to go save my ass."

    Digo: "If your Shield of Faith stays up for more than four hours--"
    GM: "You probably worship Aphrodite."

    Nick: "look out, he's farting squirrels!"

    Mel: "Chris can cast Ray of Enfeeblement on it."
    GM: "Yes, but he'll be at -4 for shooting into melee."
    Nick: "I thought it was +4 for shooting himself with it."
    Chris: "Why isn't it having an effect?"

    GM: "And now Deeg can say that his wife's chest cannon-balled a lion's head."

    GM: "One moment, major monkeywrench in the works."
    Mel: "I'll say. She went from horse to human."
    Digo: "How is that so bad?"
    Nick: "Monkeywrench, meet wife. Wife, meet monkeywrench."

    Digo: "Ooooh, so could have gotten a snake."
    GM: "Are you looking for a minion or an exotic dancer?"
    Nick, Digo, Chris, Eddie, & William: "Yes."

    Gold Dragon: "You are under the effect of Prayer. That grants you +1 to all attacks, damage, skill checks--"
    Digo: "Mmm, skillet checks."
    Nick: *Gibbs-slaps Digo*
    Mel: "So basically +1 to all rolls."
    Digo: "Mmm, +1 dinner rolls."
    Nick: *Gibbs-slaps Digo*

    GM: "Everyone roll Survival."
    Nick: "7."
    William: "6."
    Mel: "4."
    Digo: "Weesa gonna die." [/JarJar]
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  21. - Top - End - #171
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "Got anything else up your bag of tricks?"
    "Let's see...iron maiden...animal shoes...bloody facepaint...portable blimp...portable explosive blimp...pellet grenade...acid slime..."
    "Stop taking all that stuff out, I just want you to bust a lock!"
    "Yeah, but the problem is you want me to do that WITHOUT the door blowing up"

    "The idea of tripping giraffe up is entertaining."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-11 at 06:34 AM.

  22. - Top - End - #172
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    RogueGuy

    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gallade;22180795?

    "Watch out! I'll use this frag grenade to break them out of their trance!"

    "Does he have any weapons?"
    "He has a walking stick."
    "NUKE HIM!"
    Because nothing says breaking mind control quite like the message "You were killed by a grenade. Watch out for the Grenade danger indicator."

    Unless said walking stick is also a shotgun, I'd say that is a bit overkill.

  23. - Top - End - #173
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Guizonde's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    toulouse
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zeus Killer View Post
    Because nothing says breaking mind control quite like the message "You were killed by a grenade. Watch out for the Grenade danger indicator."

    Unless said walking stick is also a shotgun, I'd say that is a bit overkill.
    to be fair, there's no kill like overkill. and nowhere was it specified how subtle a response was appropriate. technically, you can break mind control with a fragger. you usually tend to break the mind and body that is currently controlled, but details, details...

    coming from irl of all places:

    trollball coach: crud, the gate's locked..
    me: anybody got a crowbar?
    *shocked look from teammates* what for?!
    me: i'm crap at picking locks with hairpins.
    coach: we could just get the fieldkeeper, you know?
    teammate: or you know, we could just climb the gate.
    me: but that's mundane and boring!
    coach: and slightly less illegal than breaking the door!
    me: ... thy point being?
    regarding my choice of sustenance:
    Quote Originally Posted by Raimun View Post
    I'm going to judge you.
    My judgement is: That is awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    GM: “If it doesn't move and it should, use duct tape. If it moves and it shouldn't, use a shotgun.”
    dm is Miltonian, credit where credit is due.

  24. - Top - End - #174
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Nick: "Congrats, you earned your merit badge."
    Digo: "Did you just say marriage badge?"

    GM: "Freya is in that group?"
    Digo: "Yeah, my choices were to put her with the fop, the gun-slinging fatty, or the lech."
    Nick: "Hey! I might take offence to that."
    Digo: "But you won't."

    Mel: "Meanwhile, I gotta pee."
    GM: "In the bathroom?"
    Mel: "No, right here. Roll initiative."

    Digo: "I'm about to become a DLT--Digo, Lettuce, & Tomato."
    GM: "Hey, you ****-blocked my monster!"
    Digo: "It's eating me, what did you expect?!"

    Nick: "MightyFist to RangerOne, MightFist to RangerOne. Incoming earth elemental. Duck! ...over."

    Digo: (*slowly cutting out of the landwyrm's stomach*) "It's a long way to Tipperary, It's a long way to go..."
    Nick: (*punches through the stomach from the outside*) "Drink this!"
    Digo: *gets a potion?*
    Last edited by DigoDragon; 2017-07-11 at 08:11 PM.
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  25. - Top - End - #175
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Slovakia
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Kyuubi: This photograph is…
    Naruto: What, biased against you?
    Kyuubi: Well, yes.

    Hiruzen: Naruto, why are you traumatazing my dog?
    Naruto: I’m just asserting dominance!

    Naruto: …and then she blackmailed me into a relationship!
    Saki: I did not blackmail you!
    Naruto: Well, I suppose it was more of an extortion…

    Rock Lee: [hanging from a tree branch wrapped in chains] I’m a pretty butterfly!
    Naruto: …whatever floats your boat, buddy.

    Kiba: Hey, Naruto, can you get me to Fuu’s bush?
    Naruto: Pardon me?

    Naruto: And so shall begin… The Spandexocalypse!

    Naruto: So, now you know that we’re together, and you also know that you can’t tease us about it for security reasons.
    Anko: …I hate you so much right now.

    Saki: Wait, how did you get street vendor food at 2 in the morning?
    Naruto: The magic of time zones! And teleporting!

    Tsunade: Wait, so you got Sasuke his Mangekyo Sharingan by pranking him?

    Tsume: So, you somehow rubbed catnip all over Neji…
    Naruto: He liked the cats!
    Tsume: …unleashed a horde of cats into a party full of dogs…
    Naruto: To be fair, that was Neji and his catnip.
    Tsume: …and somehow managed to cover Hiashi in invisible glitter.
    Naruto: *Temporarily* invisible glitter. The illusion should wear off any moment now.
    Tsume: …hell of a party.
    That which does not kill you made a tactical error.

  26. - Top - End - #176
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Gallade's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    "So now you have a 5-inch Ent on your shoulder flinging grenades. That'll come in very handy if we come across a 3-inch Saruman."
    "I am Kroot."

    "The head bone's connected to the rib bone, the rib bone's connected to the arm bone, the arm bone is connected to an abominable sin against nature who has no right to be that cute."

    "You cloned that green thing from yourself?"
    "My hand bone to be exact. If you tell him the fourteen passwords he'll give you the power to create heaven."
    "No way I'll let any part of your body take me to heaven."

    "It's like TWD out there"
    "Well, they're not really dead, and not undead either. They're just living puppets who are being controlled by the parasite, helpless to do anything but watch as they infect or maim their loved ones until you come to release them from their predicament by killing them. Or until they catch fire and the parasite bursts out while pulping their internal organs."
    "Okay, but...can I still look like Rick? I got the right jawline and stubble, dammit!"

    "It's a Mask of Cutting Flesh, an item worn by worshipers of Zon-Kuthon. It looks menacing and draconic, but it can magically disguise itself as an incospicuous hood at will. It will make you more resilient to physical ailments like poisons, and a worshiper of the evil god can use it to call upon an invisible blade to tear apart its enemies."
    "As a character, I say it's horrible. As a player, I say it's horribly awesome."
    Last edited by Gallade; 2017-07-12 at 03:36 PM.

  27. - Top - End - #177
    Troll in the Playground
     
    Diego Havoc's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Max: Most Stylish Man in the World, my ***.

    Ms. Steel: I have acquired slutty outfits for you.

    Bruce: I'm a big fan.
    Singer: Um...
    Ms. Steel: Remind me what Bruce looks like again?
    Bruce: Big ****er. In his 40s. Wearing a trenchcoat.
    Ms. Steel: Oh god. Serial killer vibes!

    Bruce: I take off my, uh, trenchcoat.
    Yukari: I thought you were going to say 'clothes' for a second there!
    Bruce: That's how you get a proper investigation started!

    Ms. Steel: Be careful of his briefcase, it might contain traps or animals or something.
    GM: Oh god, it's full of bees!

    Ms. Steel: You haven't heard our plan yet!
    GM: Yes?
    Ms. Steel: We're going to bomb it!
    GM: You're going to bomb the hotel?
    Ms. Steel: We'll radio in Starban and he'll use his ship to blast it.
    GM: Starban vetoes this plan.
    Ms. Steel: Damn. Okay, I guess we'll sneak in.
    Just call me Diego. Mr. Havoc was my father.
    Spoiler: About Me
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by SiuiS View Post
    Diego Havoc, one of the hoopier froods I've met, up there with DeLancie.



  28. - Top - End - #178
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Nick: "Congrats, you earned your merit badge."
    Digo: "Did you just say marriage badge?"

    Mel: "Meanwhile, I gotta pee."
    GM: "In the bathroom?"
    Mel: "No, right here. Roll initiative."
    I can never remember if a game is RL, PbP, or otherwise...

  29. - Top - End - #179
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    DigoDragon's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by goto124 View Post
    I can never remember if a game is RL, PbP, or otherwise...
    That particular game is from my local weekend D&D group.


    GM: “There was a distinct lack of evil-looking papers, computer equipment, or anything with a creepy mascot on it.”

    Viridia: “Why do we keep finding diamonds in abandoned buildings?”
    Strata: “They're pretty good paperweights.”

    Viridia: “Guys. If I pumped a bunch of lightning into a robot, would it become my minion?”
    Bertly: *ever so slowly, hovers away from Viridia until he was pretty much hiding behind Stellar*

    GM: “Moonshadow, as she moved forward, heard something clang above her.”
    Piccolo: “DODGE!!”

    Doc: “Geez, that's a lot of doors. How do you want to search this area?”
    Choro: *magically opens all the doors at once* “Efficiently.”

    Viridia: “Why can't we go somewhere nice?”
    Moon: “I seem to remember a map that explained this. It had a lot of jerks on it.”
    Digo Dragon - Artist
    GitP Player Registry Entry
    Avatar by me - Switchblade

  30. - Top - End - #180
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2014

    Default Re: Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    That particular game is from my local weekend D&D group.
    Ah, thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Viridia: “Why do we keep finding diamonds in abandoned buildings?”
    Strata: “They're pretty good paperweights.”
    They make delicious food, silly!

    Quote Originally Posted by DigoDragon View Post
    Viridia: “Why can't we go somewhere nice?”
    Moon: “I seem to remember a map that explained this. It had a lot of jerks on it.”
    I remember that map! It was amazing. Where are the PCs now? What's the journey that the PCs have taken so far?

    I only just realized it's hosted on LiveJournal. Didn't think that website's still alive and kicking.

    I see a spot labelled "FFFF". Maybe it's jerk-free?

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •