Page 10 of 36 FirstFirst 123456789101112131415161718192035 ... LastLast
Results 271 to 300 of 1070
  1. - Top - End - #271
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Strahd's Wine Cellar
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Pardon me for sort of interjecting here (I'd like to offer some manner of useful or productive input soon, just don't quite have the time to respond yet), I just found the premise real pertinent to myself because I've been kind of puzzled lately over the question of attraction. Three times this year I've found myself sufficiently attracted to somebody to think 'I should/would really like to ask them on a date' (though in only one cases have I ended up doing so). That feels kind of excessive, but I don't know if that's just because I went from zero cases of attraction to three in just a year. Or maybe I really am just really flighty with my affections. I feel like I have no real context or lens for that.
    Compared to the neurotypical, allosexual population for number of people whom one wants to bone and/or date per annum, that is not flighty at all, though it's hard to judge the actual substance of those crushes/attractions/affections.

    Well, some people who are neurotypical and allosexual will actually only have a few instances of someone they are interested in pair-bonding with, but barring extreme circumstances, they'll encounter someone sexually attractive with at least some regularity even if they don't have the time to stop and enjoy it.

    Come to think of it, I'm curious if polyamorous people find more people they'd be potentially interested in romantically than average.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  2. - Top - End - #272
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    One thing I've noticed for myself is that after my first relationship, physical looks matter, but not to the same degree they used to. And because of that, I've found myself generally only rarely attracted to anyone because it requires repeated exposure to get to know them. Or at least a thorough conversation, and I'm just not social enough for either to happen save online where I filter everything through a lens of 90's paranoia about strangers on the internet.

    I often seem to find that my search criteria are out of sync with others. Likely because my values are atypical, but I'm unsure. I remember being younger and being interested in women physically, but while that still happens it feels.... distant. I feel detached, like I'm just acknowledging "Yes, she's good looking." And then it ends there because I know nothing about them.

    Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to find a person while everyone's trying to offer me mask wearing flesh puppets. Yes, you have nice [insert female sexualized feature here]. So does roughly 50% of the population. Why should I care?

    Well, that got a bit off tangent... but yeah. Three people a year sounds about right I suppose. Presuming those numbers aren't inflated by deliberate search.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  3. - Top - End - #273
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AuthorGirl's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    An igloo near you
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.

    ---

    Also, while I'm here: wkwkwk1, you need to empty your inbox if you want me to reply to your message

  4. - Top - End - #274
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.

    ---

    Also, while I'm here: wkwkwk1, you need to empty your inbox if you want me to reply to your message
    I solved the feelings about my first breakup by channeling the anger into bettering myself. Perhaps not the healthiest thing to do, use anger like that. But still. By the time I'd finished what I set out to do, the hurt was gone along with any lingering attachments.

    Though at least in my case, there was a fairly legitimate cause to the breakup. I was stalled in a dead end job.

    As I recall, the schism between the two of you was more ideological and religious, though I haven't been following closely, so that might not be an option.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  5. - Top - End - #275
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AuthorGirl's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    An igloo near you
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    I solved the feelings about my first breakup by channeling the anger into bettering myself. Perhaps not the healthiest thing to do, use anger like that. But still. By the time I'd finished what I set out to do, the hurt was gone along with any lingering attachments.

    Though at least in my case, there was a fairly legitimate cause to the breakup. I was stalled in a dead end job.

    As I recall, the schism between the two of you was more ideological and religious, though I haven't been following closely, so that might not be an option.
    Sounds like the healthiest thing to do with anger, honestly. Either suppress or channel, and channel into either creative or destructive things . . . anyway. It's definitely an option - there are a thousand and one areas of my life that could use a spring cleaning - but right now my feelings seem more like a dead weight than a fuel source.

  6. - Top - End - #276
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Lissou's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Oregon

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Come to think of it, I'm curious if polyamorous people find more people they'd be potentially interested in romantically than average.
    I don't know about other people, but with me it seems to be about one every couple of years, although that's the average and it tends to cluster. For instance, four-five years without meeting someone new, then meeting two new people within a few months and being interested in dating them both. Using just my personal experience, I would think that the number of people found is probably not higher than in monogamous people, it just happens both while already dating and while single? Some of my monogamous friends meet more people they are interested in dating, and do date more people than I do (although one at a time in their case), so I would say there is a huge range even within the same relationship preference, which makes it harder to know the answer to your question. I don't think I've ever seen any statistics about it, at any rate.
    You like Switch games? Check out PlayCritically's stream (evenings PST), or the Switch Focus podcast. And if you miss the stream, check out the archived longplays!

  7. - Top - End - #277
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Strahd's Wine Cellar
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    One thing I've noticed for myself is that after my first relationship, physical looks matter, but not to the same degree they used to. And because of that, I've found myself generally only rarely attracted to anyone because it requires repeated exposure to get to know them. Or at least a thorough conversation, and I'm just not social enough for either to happen save online where I filter everything through a lens of 90's paranoia about strangers on the internet.

    I often seem to find that my search criteria are out of sync with others. Likely because my values are atypical, but I'm unsure. I remember being younger and being interested in women physically, but while that still happens it feels.... distant. I feel detached, like I'm just acknowledging "Yes, she's good looking." And then it ends there because I know nothing about them.

    Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to find a person while everyone's trying to offer me mask wearing flesh puppets. Yes, you have nice [insert female sexualized feature here]. So does roughly 50% of the population. Why should I care?

    Well, that got a bit off tangent... but yeah. Three people a year sounds about right I suppose. Presuming those numbers aren't inflated by deliberate search.
    That's fairly concerning. Have you spoken to anyone professional to make sure there's not something going on psychologically or hormonally?

    I'm no psychiatrist, but viewing people as not being people seems like very dangerous territory.

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.
    Delete Facebook and otherwise make sure you can't get information about and fixate on your ex or the past relationship.

    Mourn.

    Hit the gym and otherwise invest in your physical health and fitness, since if you don't make a point to take care of that, it's liable you might slip in that regard and then feel even worse, compounding the problem.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  8. - Top - End - #278
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    That's fairly concerning. Have you spoken to anyone professional to make sure there's not something going on psychologically or hormonally?

    I'm no psychiatrist, but viewing people as not being people seems like very dangerous territory.



    Delete Facebook and otherwise make sure you can't get information about and fixate on your ex or the past relationship.

    Mourn.

    Hit the gym and otherwise invest in your physical health and fitness, since if you don't make a point to take care of that, it's liable you might slip in that regard and then feel even worse, compounding the problem.
    Exaggerating for emphasis rather than litteral.

    They're definitely people, I'm quite sure of that. The issue is they try to act like a stereotype of what's considered attractive rather than themselves.

    You see or hear lots of people describe themselves in the exact same terms over and over again and it gets... Annoying. Hence my distaste for the words Feisty and Witty.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  9. - Top - End - #279
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    Exaggerating for emphasis rather than litteral.

    They're definitely people, I'm quite sure of that. The issue is they try to act like a stereotype of what's considered attractive rather than themselves.

    You see or hear lots of people describe themselves in the exact same terms over and over again and it gets... Annoying. Hence my distaste for the words Feisty and Witty.
    Would you prefer "I'm just me," or something? It's less that people are putting on a mask as we have limited ways to describe ourselves. Like, I'd be willing to bet there are a bunch of profiles out there that sound like yours, not because you're dull or you copied someone, but just because there are millions of other people using online dating.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  10. - Top - End - #280
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Would you prefer "I'm just me," or something? It's less that people are putting on a mask as we have limited ways to describe ourselves. Like, I'd be willing to bet there are a bunch of profiles out there that sound like yours, not because you're dull or you copied someone, but just because there are millions of other people using online dating.
    That's also annoying. I'd prefer a long ramble over something short and empty.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  11. - Top - End - #281
    Troll in the Playground
     
    FinnLassie's Avatar

    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Savo

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.
    I'll send you a PM by tomorrow!
    Quote Originally Posted by 2D8HP View Post
    "Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking), and your humility is stunning"
    Quote Originally Posted by Peelee View Post
    EVERYTHING IS A TERRIBLE SYSTEM BECAUSE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT COMPLETELY ALIGN WITH MY OPINIONS.

    Am I doing this argument right? It seems like I'm doing this argument right.
    ~Extended Signature~

  12. - Top - End - #282
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    That's also annoying. I'd prefer a long ramble over something short and empty.
    Length doesn't indicate depth though. Or rather: as any politician or Polonius could tell you, it is an eminently human quality to be able to drone on and on with the most creative verbiage without saying anything of substance, communicating messages that would be better served in fewer words

    To put it another way, there are certainly people that use short stock phrases because they think it's what you put on a dating profile. There are others though that do so because it's a quick way to sum up a part of themselves they think is important, and they would much rather get to know people with actual interaction than profile skimming so don't try to condense their life story into a ramble.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  13. - Top - End - #283
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Length doesn't indicate depth though. Or rather: as any politician or Polonius could tell you, it is an eminently human quality to be able to drone on and on with the most creative verbiage without saying anything of substance, communicating messages that would be better served in fewer words

    To put it another way, there are certainly people that use short stock phrases because they think it's what you put on a dating profile. There are others though that do so because it's a quick way to sum up a part of themselves they think is important, and they would much rather get to know people with actual interaction than profile skimming so don't try to condense their life story into a ramble.
    This comes with two presumptions though.

    1.) That efficiency of communication is important.

    Which it isn't. In fact, efficiency of communication is downright detrimental. Information overload in the early stages of dating is more likely to scare someone off than it is to encourage them. And secondly the pathway to what's said is often far more interesting than what's being said.

    For example. What can be said about someone who claims to be Witty? You can either agree or disagree. That's it. There's nothing of substance to it, nothing to communicate about. It's an empty compliment.

    Meanwhile someone who goes to the trouble to SHOW their supposed wit, will often give you something to talk about. For example, there was once a girl who had as part of her profile, a riddle. While I never did solve the thing entirely. We talked back and forth for weeks about interpretations of various lines in the riddle.

    The point is to show who you are. Not tell who you are.

    2.) That what they have to communicate is accurate.

    Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  14. - Top - End - #284
    Ogre in the Playground
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.

  15. - Top - End - #285
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.
    That's kind of the point of a profile after all: "here are traits that I say I have and ideally pictures to demonstrate said traits." "Show don't tell" is all well and good when you have as much space as you need, but I've yet to see a profile expansive enough to give me that kind of picture. Like, I wouldn't expect a single conversation to show me all that much about a person either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  16. - Top - End - #286
    Orc in the Playground
     
    AuthorGirl's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    An igloo near you
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    I'll send you a PM by tomorrow!
    Much appreciated, thanks!

  17. - Top - End - #287
    Troll in the Playground
     
    DruidGuy

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Lemuria
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.
    And they may. As I said before, maybe this works out for them. I certainly don't expect them to change the way they do things just to suit me. But in the end, I still feel that Efficiency of wordcount is not exactly what you want.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    That's kind of the point of a profile after all: "here are traits that I say I have and ideally pictures to demonstrate said traits." "Show don't tell" is all well and good when you have as much space as you need, but I've yet to see a profile expansive enough to give me that kind of picture. Like, I wouldn't expect a single conversation to show me all that much about a person either.
    Perhaps we see Profiles as having a fundementally different purpose then. See, to me, the profile is meant to be full of conversation starters. Are they about you? Sure! But they're still meant to be less "Basic Description of Self" and more "These are things I enjoy talking or thinking about. Let's talk about them!"
    Spoiler
    Show
    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

  18. - Top - End - #288
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post

    Perhaps we see Profiles as having a fundementally different purpose then. See, to me, the profile is meant to be full of conversation starters. Are they about you? Sure! But they're still meant to be less "Basic Description of Self" and more "These are things I enjoy talking or thinking about. Let's talk about them!"
    See, in that language I will totally agree with you. Give me sign if I should open up with a question, small talk, or a cheesy pickup line!
    Last edited by georgie_leech; 2017-10-10 at 07:30 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  19. - Top - End - #289
    Orc in the Playground
    Join Date
    Jul 2017

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    ...Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
    One can give a solid glimpse of personality while still being concise, and one can ramble on interminably without saying anything of substance. In a real-world situation, concise beats interminable simply because people get bored.

    I think what you're talking about has less to do with being concise and more to do with being lazy, though. Try making a female profile to look over male profiles, and you'll see the same thing. (Hell, profiles whose entire text consists of "ask me" are not uncommon in either sex.) A lot of people are lazy and uncreative. A lot more simply don't understand the nature of the platform. They're not people I'm particularly enthused to meet, but their motives are still very comprehensible.

  20. - Top - End - #290
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Strahd's Wine Cellar
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Wittiness and feistieness are definitely things where you need to show them, not just tell them.

    It's akin to declaring yourself very smart. Misses the point at best, and can ring hollow or seem boorish or worse.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  21. - Top - End - #291
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Blargh. Two friends appear to be getting flirty with one another in a way that is making my own lack of romantic interaction uncomfortable, compounded by still having a lingering crush that was rejected on one of said friends. Any advice on potential ways to more quickly get over a crush, bearing in mind that losing either of them as a friend is undesirable? The discomfort is on my end; they're not doing anything wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  22. - Top - End - #292
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Blargh. Two friends appear to be getting flirty with one another in a way that is making my own lack of romantic interaction uncomfortable, compounded by still having a lingering crush that was rejected on one of said friends. Any advice on potential ways to more quickly get over a crush, bearing in mind that losing either of them as a friend is undesirable? The discomfort is on my end; they're not doing anything wrong.
    I would tell them that I think it is great and that I approve. It let's them know it's okay for them to hae a relationship, that you aren't harboring any resentment or desire to intervene, and that they are being super obvious.

    Then not only will they know they are being obvious but you can object to them acting coupley without seeming like the objection is jealousy.
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2017-10-12 at 12:17 AM.

  23. - Top - End - #293
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I would tell them that I think it is great and that I approve. It let's them know it's okay for them to hae a relationship, that you aren't harboring any resentment or desire to intervene, and that they are being super obvious.

    Then not only will they know they are being obvious but you can object to them acting coupley without seeming like the objection is jealousy.
    Thanks, but I really don't see their behavior as a problem; my holding onto a crush that was unrequited in the first place isn't exactly good for me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  24. - Top - End - #294
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    NecromancerGuy

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Strahd's Wine Cellar
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Blargh. Two friends appear to be getting flirty with one another in a way that is making my own lack of romantic interaction uncomfortable, compounded by still having a lingering crush that was rejected on one of said friends. Any advice on potential ways to more quickly get over a crush, bearing in mind that losing either of them as a friend is undesirable? The discomfort is on my end; they're not doing anything wrong.
    The best way is the standard way. Distance yourself. Get laid. Find someone else to be interested in.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2017-10-12 at 01:06 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
    Homebrew
    To Do: Reboot and finish Riptide

  25. - Top - End - #295
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Thanks, but I really don't see their behavior as a problem; my holding onto a crush that was unrequited in the first place isn't exactly good for me.
    I misunderstood then. My apologies.
    I'm taking a break from GITP.

  26. - Top - End - #296
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I misunderstood then. My apologies.
    No worries. Such a situation would be easier to deal with, since...

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    The best way is the standard way. Distance yourself. Get laid. Find someone else to be interested in.
    Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Such are the perils of crushing on your friends, I suppose.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  27. - Top - End - #297
    Orc in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. Such are the perils of crushing on your friends, I suppose.
    And remember, this doesn't have to mean you don't see those friends at all. Just maybe sit out a bit more often than you would.

    You can also try to change your perspective a bit. What I mean is, here are two good friends of yours, who are getting together with people who you genuinely know are good people. (I assume, since you're friends with both of them.)

    Friends having good partners is, of course, great for them. But it's also great for you. You don't have to be worried if the person they're dating is an *******, or that they'll be hurt by someone malicious. And you don't get the stress of having a friend in a bad relationship pushed onto you.

    So although it of course sucks that your crush wasn't returned, this sounds like the second best option?

    .

    And finally, if you're still having trouble, it can also help to have a spotter. Is there another friend that hangs out with the same group? Tell them the situation, that you don't want to come between anything, and ask them to tell you if you're being weird about it. A quick kick under the table can do wonders.

  28. - Top - End - #298
    Troll in the Playground
     
    georgie_leech's Avatar

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Calgary, AB
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    And remember, this doesn't have to mean you don't see those friends at all. Just maybe sit out a bit more often than you would.

    You can also try to change your perspective a bit. What I mean is, here are two good friends of yours, who are getting together with people who you genuinely know are good people. (I assume, since you're friends with both of them.)

    Friends having good partners is, of course, great for them. But it's also great for you. You don't have to be worried if the person they're dating is an *******, or that they'll be hurt by someone malicious. And you don't get the stress of having a friend in a bad relationship pushed onto you.

    So although it of course sucks that your crush wasn't returned, this sounds like the second best option?
    Oh yeah, rationally this is a fine state of affairs. Alas, good ol' hind-brain hasn't quite caught up with the rest of me

    And finally, if you're still having trouble, it can also help to have a spotter. Is there another friend that hangs out with the same group? Tell them the situation, that you don't want to come between anything, and ask them to tell you if you're being weird about it. A quick kick under the table can do wonders.
    And this is a fantastic idea, as that actually is one of my concerns, and this is an eminently sensible course that I hadn't considered.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

  29. - Top - End - #299
    Orc in the Playground
     
    DwarfFighterGuy

    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Oh yeah, rationally this is a fine state of affairs. Alas, good ol' hind-brain hasn't quite caught up with the rest of me



    And this is a fantastic idea, as that actually is one of my concerns, and this is an eminently sensible course that I hadn't considered.
    No worries, man. And knowing there's a pair of eyes watching you can help you watch yourself, too.

    You'll be fine, in the end. It just takes some time.

  30. - Top - End - #300
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Honest Tiefling's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Any advice on potential ways to more quickly get over a crush, bearing in mind that losing either of them as a friend is undesirable? The discomfort is on my end; they're not doing anything wrong.
    Consider going out and interacting with people of whatever gender you prefer. It'll take time for you to go back to friendly feelings, but giving your system a jumpstart by flirting (or even browsing!) other options might be good for you. Even if you aren't intending any sort of relationship, just noticing traits in others that you might desire or need in a partner that your crush lacks can sometimes help.

    Also, you'd be giving the couple some room. I don't advise not spending time with them, but less frequently may also help.
    Quote Originally Posted by Oko and Qailee View Post
    Man, I like this tiefling.
    For all of your completely and utterly honest needs. Zaydos made, Tiefling approved.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •