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  1. - Top - End - #271
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    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Unless you're dating your bestfriend for years after you've both mutually fallen in love, you don't start out in love with someone, that's why you date them, to see what you think after you get to know them and spend time with them in a dedicated context.

    So this whole concern about "Oh, what should I do if I'm not already head over heels for someone?" bit is missing the point of what dating is and the purpose it serves. As is thinking that getting to know someone and seeing what's what is hoping for romantic attraction to turn out to be the case. That's... got the wrong emphasis, anyway, in terms of causal order of things.
    Did you read the posts leading up to this one?

    The reason I am asking questions about this is because I haven't met or seen anyone who I feel desire to date in years. This has gone on long enough that I am beginning to suspect I never will, which is why I am asking for help with meeting people.

    You are talking past this with the assumption I am feeling desire and am being too shy or beta or whatever the kids say these days to ask them out.

    I am not asking them out because I am not interested and want to know how I can become interested to begin with.

    Edit: what is a demisexual?
    Last edited by Tvtyrant; 2017-10-09 at 01:27 PM.
    Now if everyone could please "Sig" something along the lines of "Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking)", I think that would be good progress.

  2. - Top - End - #272
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Did you read the posts leading up to this one?

    The reason I am asking questions about this is because I haven't met or seen anyone who I feel desire to date in years. This has gone on long enough that I am beginning to suspect I never will, which is why I am asking for help with meeting people.
    Yeah, if you're not meeting people or just don't like the ones around you or the ones you meet, you're pretty much SOL as a demisexual.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    You are talking past this with the assumption I am feeling desire and am being too shy or beta or whatever the kids say these days to ask them out.
    I'm not making any assumptions about you, mate.

    Recall your words.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    Like a bear. Bears are cute right?

    So here is one that holds me back, it feels dishonest to ask out someone that I don't feel romantically attracted to, but romantic attraction only comes from knowing someone. Do you just ask people out and hope to become attracted to them by date three?
    I answered your question. That the truth isn't particularly helpful to you as you're not going to be able to date normally given your particular setup isn't really my fault or something that changes what the answer to that question is.

    I also told you pretty much what I do, so I addressed that use of "you" as well. As for what you should do if you actually meant to write "I" there, well, that's the tricky part.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I am not asking them out because I am not interested and want to know how I can become interested to begin with.

    Edit: what is a demisexual?
    If you're not even interested in people as people, there's nothing that you can do, really, unless there's a hormonal problem that can be addressed medically or some kind of psychological issue that is well into the territory where a professional's help would be required to resolve it, if there is one.

    Maybe a complete change of environment might help, and I suppose there might just be an awful lot of people you have a specific problem with in your local area or something that you'd need to find a way to filter out so you met less of them.

    As for what a Demisexual is, basically what you've described yourself as, someone who can only experience sexual attraction to someone after becoming romantically invested in them, though some of them it's more general heavy emotional investment, sometimes.
    Last edited by Coidzor; 2017-10-09 at 01:35 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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  3. - Top - End - #273
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So here is one that holds me back, it feels dishonest to ask out someone that I don't feel romantically attracted to, but romantic attraction only comes from knowing someone. Do you just ask people out and hope to become attracted to them by date three?
    If I may, it sounds almost like, instead of trying to find someone to regularly date, romance, sex, etc etc, you're trying to answer the question "do I enjoy dating" or even "do i feel romantic attraction at all?" And I think it's totally fair to ask people out in service of that, particularly if you're honest with yourself about it - and honest with your partner, if it comes up. For what it's worth, "i'm not sure how much i'm into this person, but maybe i will be if we do some dating" is - in my limited experience - a fairly common thing to think when dating. (It was the attitude I went into my current relationship with, and i'm having a fantastic time.)
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  4. - Top - End - #274
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    I also told you pretty much what I do, so I addressed that use of "you" as well. As for what you should do if you actually meant to write "I" there, well, that's the tricky part.


    As for what a Demisexual is, basically what you've described yourself as, someone who can only experience sexual attraction to someone after becoming romantically invested in them, though some of them it's more general heavy emotional investment, sometimes.
    I am not trying to pick a battle with you, I value your input. I was and am still confused at the air quotes about being friends versus seeking a sexual relationship.

    Well that is an accurate depiction of my problem in the link there. I will need to think about that one.
    Now if everyone could please "Sig" something along the lines of "Gosh 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good looking)", I think that would be good progress.

  5. - Top - End - #275
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    So here is one that holds me back, it feels dishonest to ask out someone that I don't feel romantically attracted to, but romantic attraction only comes from knowing someone.
    IMO you're wrong on both counts, it's perfectly fine to ask someone out even if you can't guarantee it will click well, and it's totally possible to be attracted to someone you barely know.



    Do you just ask people out and hope to become attracted to them by date three?
    Of course not. If you're not attracted, don't ask them out. If you're attracted, but wouldn't yet accept to commit to taking her as your spouse in illness or health until death do you guys part in some six decades, that's how you know you should try to get her to agree to a first date, and hope it leads to date three by mutual agreement.
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  6. - Top - End - #276
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Back when I was on the market, I once asked a girl out because we seemed to share similar interests and I had every intention of doing naughty things with her and/or check her out as potential..
    She ended up joining my gaming group for about 6 months.
    You cannot know what you'll end up feeling for someone you have never met and it's perfectly fine to meet new people and let things happen naturally.
    In fact it's the healthiest way to go about these things. As long as you're honest and upfront about what you would like, what you're looking for and what the reality is once you actually meet, you're good.
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  7. - Top - End - #277
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Tvtyrant, I think I'm doing better than you, in that I averaged roughly an attraction a year and have since worked my way up, but I still worry a LOT about this.

    My solution? Occasional OLD date to keep myself "awake" and hope something sparks. Make an effort to befriend cool, friendly people that I find aesthetically pleasing. Often get discouraged from dating and hide away so I don't hurt anyone with my broken libido ever again.

    That last step is optional.

    Seriously, it might just be how you're wired - Demi in the simplest definition. It might also be a function of habit. Getting into TMI territory, but maybe make an effort to consume erotica and masturbate, if you don't already. Maybe you're just out of the habit of seeing yourself as a sexual being.
    Is your romantic avoidance tied to a bad experience? It happens. If so, take the time to work through it. Bad associations can be killer.
    Is there any part of relationshipping you do want? Reading together in silence? Cuddles? Can you pursue those things and see what happens even if relationships don't?

    I'm from a culture where friends-to-partners with no intermediate "date" step is the norm, so it's probably easier for me to just go the friend route. But I really see no issue with that. Friends are great. It's not creepy to start with genuine friendship unless you drop the person as soon as you realize attraction is never gonna form.

    I don't ask people I know out on dates (such as they are here) because, like you, I find it unethical to express an interest that doesn't exist. Again, that might be a cultural thing. But I have no such qualms about online dates. Their whole point is a quick coffee to gauge interest, and so I go on them, holding out hope. It seems the Americans among us think of acquaintance dates in that same casual vein? I don't know, I'm getting out of my depth here. But I did want to make the point that there's nothing inherently wrong with making friends.
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  8. - Top - End - #278
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tvtyrant View Post
    I am not trying to pick a battle with you, I value your input. I was and am still confused at the air quotes about being friends versus seeking a sexual relationship..
    Oh. I really misunderstood you then, sorry.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Then I'll see if we click through further interaction on dates instead of being a putz and doing the weak sauce move of "befriending someone" in order to find out if I'll get romantically interested in them.
    This one?

    Just a reference to Nice Guyism, which is something that one would risk being perceived as doing, even if one wasn't interested from the get go and just tried to use friendship to backdoor into a relationship and instead just lacked the ability to be attracted to or interested in people without having already known them for a while.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Pardon me for sort of interjecting here (I'd like to offer some manner of useful or productive input soon, just don't quite have the time to respond yet), I just found the premise real pertinent to myself because I've been kind of puzzled lately over the question of attraction. Three times this year I've found myself sufficiently attracted to somebody to think 'I should/would really like to ask them on a date' (though in only one cases have I ended up doing so). That feels kind of excessive, but I don't know if that's just because I went from zero cases of attraction to three in just a year. Or maybe I really am just really flighty with my affections. I feel like I have no real context or lens for that.
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  10. - Top - End - #280
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    NecromancerGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    Pardon me for sort of interjecting here (I'd like to offer some manner of useful or productive input soon, just don't quite have the time to respond yet), I just found the premise real pertinent to myself because I've been kind of puzzled lately over the question of attraction. Three times this year I've found myself sufficiently attracted to somebody to think 'I should/would really like to ask them on a date' (though in only one cases have I ended up doing so). That feels kind of excessive, but I don't know if that's just because I went from zero cases of attraction to three in just a year. Or maybe I really am just really flighty with my affections. I feel like I have no real context or lens for that.
    Compared to the neurotypical, allosexual population for number of people whom one wants to bone and/or date per annum, that is not flighty at all, though it's hard to judge the actual substance of those crushes/attractions/affections.

    Well, some people who are neurotypical and allosexual will actually only have a few instances of someone they are interested in pair-bonding with, but barring extreme circumstances, they'll encounter someone sexually attractive with at least some regularity even if they don't have the time to stop and enjoy it.

    Come to think of it, I'm curious if polyamorous people find more people they'd be potentially interested in romantically than average.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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  11. - Top - End - #281
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    One thing I've noticed for myself is that after my first relationship, physical looks matter, but not to the same degree they used to. And because of that, I've found myself generally only rarely attracted to anyone because it requires repeated exposure to get to know them. Or at least a thorough conversation, and I'm just not social enough for either to happen save online where I filter everything through a lens of 90's paranoia about strangers on the internet.

    I often seem to find that my search criteria are out of sync with others. Likely because my values are atypical, but I'm unsure. I remember being younger and being interested in women physically, but while that still happens it feels.... distant. I feel detached, like I'm just acknowledging "Yes, she's good looking." And then it ends there because I know nothing about them.

    Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to find a person while everyone's trying to offer me mask wearing flesh puppets. Yes, you have nice [insert female sexualized feature here]. So does roughly 50% of the population. Why should I care?

    Well, that got a bit off tangent... but yeah. Three people a year sounds about right I suppose. Presuming those numbers aren't inflated by deliberate search.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

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  12. - Top - End - #282
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.

    ---

    Also, while I'm here: wkwkwk1, you need to empty your inbox if you want me to reply to your message

  13. - Top - End - #283
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.

    ---

    Also, while I'm here: wkwkwk1, you need to empty your inbox if you want me to reply to your message
    I solved the feelings about my first breakup by channeling the anger into bettering myself. Perhaps not the healthiest thing to do, use anger like that. But still. By the time I'd finished what I set out to do, the hurt was gone along with any lingering attachments.

    Though at least in my case, there was a fairly legitimate cause to the breakup. I was stalled in a dead end job.

    As I recall, the schism between the two of you was more ideological and religious, though I haven't been following closely, so that might not be an option.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

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  14. - Top - End - #284
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    I solved the feelings about my first breakup by channeling the anger into bettering myself. Perhaps not the healthiest thing to do, use anger like that. But still. By the time I'd finished what I set out to do, the hurt was gone along with any lingering attachments.

    Though at least in my case, there was a fairly legitimate cause to the breakup. I was stalled in a dead end job.

    As I recall, the schism between the two of you was more ideological and religious, though I haven't been following closely, so that might not be an option.
    Sounds like the healthiest thing to do with anger, honestly. Either suppress or channel, and channel into either creative or destructive things . . . anyway. It's definitely an option - there are a thousand and one areas of my life that could use a spring cleaning - but right now my feelings seem more like a dead weight than a fuel source.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Come to think of it, I'm curious if polyamorous people find more people they'd be potentially interested in romantically than average.
    I don't know about other people, but with me it seems to be about one every couple of years, although that's the average and it tends to cluster. For instance, four-five years without meeting someone new, then meeting two new people within a few months and being interested in dating them both. Using just my personal experience, I would think that the number of people found is probably not higher than in monogamous people, it just happens both while already dating and while single? Some of my monogamous friends meet more people they are interested in dating, and do date more people than I do (although one at a time in their case), so I would say there is a huge range even within the same relationship preference, which makes it harder to know the answer to your question. I don't think I've ever seen any statistics about it, at any rate.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    One thing I've noticed for myself is that after my first relationship, physical looks matter, but not to the same degree they used to. And because of that, I've found myself generally only rarely attracted to anyone because it requires repeated exposure to get to know them. Or at least a thorough conversation, and I'm just not social enough for either to happen save online where I filter everything through a lens of 90's paranoia about strangers on the internet.

    I often seem to find that my search criteria are out of sync with others. Likely because my values are atypical, but I'm unsure. I remember being younger and being interested in women physically, but while that still happens it feels.... distant. I feel detached, like I'm just acknowledging "Yes, she's good looking." And then it ends there because I know nothing about them.

    Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to find a person while everyone's trying to offer me mask wearing flesh puppets. Yes, you have nice [insert female sexualized feature here]. So does roughly 50% of the population. Why should I care?

    Well, that got a bit off tangent... but yeah. Three people a year sounds about right I suppose. Presuming those numbers aren't inflated by deliberate search.
    That's fairly concerning. Have you spoken to anyone professional to make sure there's not something going on psychologically or hormonally?

    I'm no psychiatrist, but viewing people as not being people seems like very dangerous territory.

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.
    Delete Facebook and otherwise make sure you can't get information about and fixate on your ex or the past relationship.

    Mourn.

    Hit the gym and otherwise invest in your physical health and fitness, since if you don't make a point to take care of that, it's liable you might slip in that regard and then feel even worse, compounding the problem.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    That's fairly concerning. Have you spoken to anyone professional to make sure there's not something going on psychologically or hormonally?

    I'm no psychiatrist, but viewing people as not being people seems like very dangerous territory.



    Delete Facebook and otherwise make sure you can't get information about and fixate on your ex or the past relationship.

    Mourn.

    Hit the gym and otherwise invest in your physical health and fitness, since if you don't make a point to take care of that, it's liable you might slip in that regard and then feel even worse, compounding the problem.
    Exaggerating for emphasis rather than litteral.

    They're definitely people, I'm quite sure of that. The issue is they try to act like a stereotype of what's considered attractive rather than themselves.

    You see or hear lots of people describe themselves in the exact same terms over and over again and it gets... Annoying. Hence my distaste for the words Feisty and Witty.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    Exaggerating for emphasis rather than litteral.

    They're definitely people, I'm quite sure of that. The issue is they try to act like a stereotype of what's considered attractive rather than themselves.

    You see or hear lots of people describe themselves in the exact same terms over and over again and it gets... Annoying. Hence my distaste for the words Feisty and Witty.
    Would you prefer "I'm just me," or something? It's less that people are putting on a mask as we have limited ways to describe ourselves. Like, I'd be willing to bet there are a bunch of profiles out there that sound like yours, not because you're dull or you copied someone, but just because there are millions of other people using online dating.
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Would you prefer "I'm just me," or something? It's less that people are putting on a mask as we have limited ways to describe ourselves. Like, I'd be willing to bet there are a bunch of profiles out there that sound like yours, not because you're dull or you copied someone, but just because there are millions of other people using online dating.
    That's also annoying. I'd prefer a long ramble over something short and empty.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Well, my relationship went down in flames (again). I was kind of in free-fall and feeling nothing about it for a few days, but now I guess it's hit home. I feel hurt, confused, bitter, lonely, disappointed, discarded, and rather pathetic (just like I was repeatedly warned I would).

    I guess I'm mostly venting here, but any how-to-get-over-a-breakup advice would be welcome.
    I'll send you a PM by tomorrow!
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    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    That's also annoying. I'd prefer a long ramble over something short and empty.
    Length doesn't indicate depth though. Or rather: as any politician or Polonius could tell you, it is an eminently human quality to be able to drone on and on with the most creative verbiage without saying anything of substance, communicating messages that would be better served in fewer words

    To put it another way, there are certainly people that use short stock phrases because they think it's what you put on a dating profile. There are others though that do so because it's a quick way to sum up a part of themselves they think is important, and they would much rather get to know people with actual interaction than profile skimming so don't try to condense their life story into a ramble.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

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    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    Length doesn't indicate depth though. Or rather: as any politician or Polonius could tell you, it is an eminently human quality to be able to drone on and on with the most creative verbiage without saying anything of substance, communicating messages that would be better served in fewer words

    To put it another way, there are certainly people that use short stock phrases because they think it's what you put on a dating profile. There are others though that do so because it's a quick way to sum up a part of themselves they think is important, and they would much rather get to know people with actual interaction than profile skimming so don't try to condense their life story into a ramble.
    This comes with two presumptions though.

    1.) That efficiency of communication is important.

    Which it isn't. In fact, efficiency of communication is downright detrimental. Information overload in the early stages of dating is more likely to scare someone off than it is to encourage them. And secondly the pathway to what's said is often far more interesting than what's being said.

    For example. What can be said about someone who claims to be Witty? You can either agree or disagree. That's it. There's nothing of substance to it, nothing to communicate about. It's an empty compliment.

    Meanwhile someone who goes to the trouble to SHOW their supposed wit, will often give you something to talk about. For example, there was once a girl who had as part of her profile, a riddle. While I never did solve the thing entirely. We talked back and forth for weeks about interpretations of various lines in the riddle.

    The point is to show who you are. Not tell who you are.

    2.) That what they have to communicate is accurate.

    Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.
    That's kind of the point of a profile after all: "here are traits that I say I have and ideally pictures to demonstrate said traits." "Show don't tell" is all well and good when you have as much space as you need, but I've yet to see a profile expansive enough to give me that kind of picture. Like, I wouldn't expect a single conversation to show me all that much about a person either.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    I'll send you a PM by tomorrow!
    Much appreciated, thanks!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chen View Post
    They take far less time though. And both wittiness and feistyness don't really come off well in text anyways. The simple words alone may attract some and not attract others. As georgie said, some people write this because they feel that is what is supposed to be written while others do so because it is more expedient and efficient. It's arrogant to say one ways is right and the other is wrong.
    And they may. As I said before, maybe this works out for them. I certainly don't expect them to change the way they do things just to suit me. But in the end, I still feel that Efficiency of wordcount is not exactly what you want.

    Quote Originally Posted by georgie_leech View Post
    That's kind of the point of a profile after all: "here are traits that I say I have and ideally pictures to demonstrate said traits." "Show don't tell" is all well and good when you have as much space as you need, but I've yet to see a profile expansive enough to give me that kind of picture. Like, I wouldn't expect a single conversation to show me all that much about a person either.
    Perhaps we see Profiles as having a fundementally different purpose then. See, to me, the profile is meant to be full of conversation starters. Are they about you? Sure! But they're still meant to be less "Basic Description of Self" and more "These are things I enjoy talking or thinking about. Let's talk about them!"
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    Quote Originally Posted by AvatarZero View Post
    I like the "hobo" in there.
    "Hey, you just got 10000gp! You going to buy a fully staffed mansion or something?"
    "Nah, I'll upgrade my +2 sword to a +3 sword and sleep in my cloak."

    Non est salvatori salvator, neque defensori dominus, nec pater nec mater, nihil supernum.

    Torumekian knight Avatar by Licoot.

    Note to self: Never get involved in an ethics thread again...Especially if I'm defending the empire.

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    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post

    Perhaps we see Profiles as having a fundementally different purpose then. See, to me, the profile is meant to be full of conversation starters. Are they about you? Sure! But they're still meant to be less "Basic Description of Self" and more "These are things I enjoy talking or thinking about. Let's talk about them!"
    See, in that language I will totally agree with you. Give me sign if I should open up with a question, small talk, or a cheesy pickup line!
    Last edited by georgie_leech; 2017-10-10 at 07:30 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by druid91 View Post
    ...Again, the problem with descriptors like Feisty or Witty, is that while they may view themselves that way, you on the other hand might not. They are in effect TELLING YOU what to think of them rather than showing themselves and letting you draw your own conclusions. Now, their self descriptions might well BE accurate. But they'll always show a shallower picture than allowing you to look for yourself.
    One can give a solid glimpse of personality while still being concise, and one can ramble on interminably without saying anything of substance. In a real-world situation, concise beats interminable simply because people get bored.

    I think what you're talking about has less to do with being concise and more to do with being lazy, though. Try making a female profile to look over male profiles, and you'll see the same thing. (Hell, profiles whose entire text consists of "ask me" are not uncommon in either sex.) A lot of people are lazy and uncreative. A lot more simply don't understand the nature of the platform. They're not people I'm particularly enthused to meet, but their motives are still very comprehensible.

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    Wittiness and feistieness are definitely things where you need to show them, not just tell them.

    It's akin to declaring yourself very smart. Misses the point at best, and can ring hollow or seem boorish or worse.
    Quote Originally Posted by Keld Denar View Post
    +3 Girlfriend is totally unoptimized. You are better off with a +1 Keen Witty girlfriend and then appling Greater Magic Make-up to increase her enhancement bonus.
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    Blargh. Two friends appear to be getting flirty with one another in a way that is making my own lack of romantic interaction uncomfortable, compounded by still having a lingering crush that was rejected on one of said friends. Any advice on potential ways to more quickly get over a crush, bearing in mind that losing either of them as a friend is undesirable? The discomfort is on my end; they're not doing anything wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Grod_The_Giant View Post
    We should try to make that a thing; I think it might help civility. Hey, GitP, let's try to make this a thing: when you're arguing optimization strategies, RAW-logic, and similar such things that you'd never actually use in a game, tag your post [THEORETICAL] and/or use green text
    Quote Originally Posted by Lvl 2 Expert View Post
    So a ranger is like a Bachelor of Applied Druidology.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kid Jake View Post
    What's the word for 'fear of being eaten by a mounted bear in half-plate' again? Because that's the one I have.

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