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  1. - Top - End - #511
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    @AuthorGirl: I assume advising you to write a theatrical script about the whole thing would count as "bad advice", so I will limit myself to wondering whether I should advise it.

    But yeah, sometimes one's feelings seem to like making things as hard as possible on purpose.
    Last edited by Cozzer; 2017-12-06 at 03:52 AM.

  2. - Top - End - #512
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So, I may have spent yesterday evening on a date. We cuddled up on the sofa and watched Deadpool (the most romantic of romantic movies ). After Mr Pool was finished, she asked why no-one had snapped me up before, I kinda told her I was asexual, and that while I really liked her, there were other factors at play. I also told her I was very inexperienced about everything, despite being 32. She responded by kissing me, and we may have spent about an hour making out (in her words, lesson 1, with further lessons to follow )

    Aside from her now going to America for 3 weeks, there's no problem, I just kinda wanted to post my good news story and to say that you guys helped me come to terms with my asexuality, for which I am very thankful.

  3. - Top - End - #513
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    Huzza! for Linkele, for drawing the bestest avatar ever!
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  4. - Top - End - #514
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    It's nice to hear good news anyway. Glad it's working out for you!


    Man, my French girl (she'll get mad at me for saying that, but it's the easiest way) decided to not come over this month, so I'm next going to be seeing her in person sometime in January where hopefully I'll be able to make a trip to Paris. Going to be scary, it'll be the first time meeting the parents of somebody I like, and I don't even speak their language properly! I think I've got the basics down, be polite, don't insult their religion, don't mention how I want to be alone in a locked room with their daughter, so I'm excited. It'll be the first time I'll have seen her in person in months, and that's always going to be a good thing.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
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    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  5. - Top - End - #515
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by qechua View Post
    Deadpool (the most romantic of romantic movies )
    There's a reason it came out on valentine's day! (And its posters claimed it was a romantic comedy.)

    Congrats!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    It's nice to hear good news anyway. Glad it's working out for you!


    Man, my French girl (she'll get mad at me for saying that, but it's the easiest way) decided to not come over this month, so I'm next going to be seeing her in person sometime in January where hopefully I'll be able to make a trip to Paris. Going to be scary, it'll be the first time meeting the parents of somebody I like, and I don't even speak their language properly! I think I've got the basics down, be polite, don't insult their religion, don't mention how I want to be alone in a locked room with their daughter, so I'm excited. It'll be the first time I'll have seen her in person in months, and that's always going to be a good thing.
    Just remember: "Bonjour! Je ne parle pas Francais. Ou es le toilette?"

  6. - Top - End - #516
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    You guys are right, yeah. Mostly sharing for the stupid annoying comedic value.

    Feelings are so inconvenient sometimes!
    True. Very true.

    Quote Originally Posted by qechua View Post
    So, I may have spent yesterday evening on a date. We cuddled up on the sofa and watched Deadpool (the most romantic of romantic movies ). After Mr Pool was finished, she asked why no-one had snapped me up before, I kinda told her I was asexual, and that while I really liked her, there were other factors at play. I also told her I was very inexperienced about everything, despite being 32. She responded by kissing me, and we may have spent about an hour making out (in her words, lesson 1, with further lessons to follow )

    Aside from her now going to America for 3 weeks, there's no problem, I just kinda wanted to post my good news story and to say that you guys helped me come to terms with my asexuality, for which I am very thankful.
    That's awesome! I hope you and your lady friend have nothing but great times.
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  7. - Top - End - #517
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    Just remember: "Bonjour! Je ne parle pas Francais. Ou es le toilette?"
    I'm assuming that's 'Good day! I don't speak much French. where is the toilet'. Now all I need to know is 'no, I wasn't trying to take your daughter's clothes off. Honest' and I'll be sorted. Off to ask the girlfriend what the French is.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  8. - Top - End - #518
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    I'm assuming that's 'Good day! I don't speak much French. where is the toilet'. Now all I need to know is 'no, I wasn't trying to take your daughter's clothes off. Honest' and I'll be sorted. Off to ask the girlfriend what the French is.
    Uh, so . . . this is a common situation?

  9. - Top - End - #519
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    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Uh, so . . . this is a common situation?
    Well not in reality, she's of the 'wait until marriage' persuasion. She even refuses to stay with me when she visits London now, to stop herself from being tempted
    Last edited by Anonymouswizard; 2017-12-06 at 03:03 PM.
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  10. - Top - End - #520
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    I'm assuming that's 'Good day! I don't speak much French. where is the toilet'. Now all I need to know is 'no, I wasn't trying to take your daughter's clothes off. Honest' and I'll be sorted. Off to ask the girlfriend what the French is.
    Basically, yes. More accurately "I don't speak French", not just that you don't speak much. (The "ne" and "pas" together form the negative.) Though once they hear your accent, I'm pretty sure everyone will know you don't actually speak the language (much).

    For the second one, Google Translate is actually very accurate! I was trying to figure it out from my grade school Canadian French classes (which is somewhat different from Parisian French), and had to turn to it. https://translate.google.ca/#auto/fr...0clothes%20off

    "Je n'essayais pas de retirer les vêtements de votre fille."

  11. - Top - End - #521
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So... this is kind of the complete opposite of what this thread normally entails, but I feel like it works here anyway: how do you make it clear (without being overbearing or uncomfortably straightforward) that you aren't asking somebody on a date? I feel like a lot of the time if somebody asks a person of the 'opposite sex' (to use binary terms, pardon me) to stay in touch, the assumption is their intention is romantic in nature. So how do you signal you're just interested in an acquaintanceship/friendship without prefacing it with something tactless like 'hey, totally not asking you out or anything, but...' ?
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  12. - Top - End - #522
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    So, asking for second-hand help here. The situation is as follows:

    A friend of mine isn't yet 100% ready to move on from their ex, a situation not helped at all by the fact that said ex isn't even completely off the table for future rekindling. Another person is quite likely into my friend, knows of their ex, and might be harming their friendship because of it. The new person (who my friend has actually grown to be quite fond of) is now detaching themselves from them at an alarming rate, and seems to have no time to talk to them, even upon request, while appearing to behave normally with others.

    My current advice is for my friend to give the new person the space they need, while trying not to fully break contact. Is this okay at all? Is there anything I should add?

    Thank you, guys! ^_^

    That, and I'd say déshabiller (/de.za.bi.je/, or de[as in dengue]-za[with an open A as in ark]-bee-ye[with a closed E as in enter]), or "undress" would be more colloquial instead of retirer les vêtements, literally "removing the clothes"
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  13. - Top - End - #523
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    Well not in reality, she's of the 'wait until marriage' persuasion. She even refuses to stay with me when she visits London now, to stop herself from being tempted
    on the plus side, french cheese goes well with most things, blue balls included
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  14. - Top - End - #524
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymouswizard View Post
    don't mention how I want to be alone in a locked room with their daughter
    Normally, she should be willing, so there should be no need for the room to be locked :P
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  15. - Top - End - #525
    Bugbear in the Playground
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    There's a reason it came out on valentine's day! (And its posters claimed it was a romantic comedy.)

    Congrats!



    Just remember: "Bonjour! Je ne parle pas Francais. Ou es le toilette?"
    "Où sont les toilettes?"

    On your side of the pond, alternatively, may be instead "où sont les WC?" (pronounced "vécés")
    Offer good while supplies last. Two to a customer. Each item sold separately. Batteries not included. Mileage may vary. All sales are final. Allow six weeks for delivery. Some items not available. Some assembly required. Some restrictions may apply. All entries become our property. Employees not eligible. Entry fees not refundable. Local restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Except in Indiana.

  16. - Top - End - #526
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Comrade View Post
    So... this is kind of the complete opposite of what this thread normally entails, but I feel like it works here anyway: how do you make it clear (without being overbearing or uncomfortably straightforward) that you aren't asking somebody on a date? I feel like a lot of the time if somebody asks a person of the 'opposite sex' (to use binary terms, pardon me) to stay in touch, the assumption is their intention is romantic in nature. So how do you signal you're just interested in an acquaintanceship/friendship without prefacing it with something tactless like 'hey, totally not asking you out or anything, but...' ?
    Well I know you don't like the "tactless" approach, but why don't you just say it straightforward?

    "This was pretty fun, we should do it again sometime. I can give you my number, or maybe you can give me yours so we can keep in touch. FYI, This isn't like a pickup thing, in case your wondering; I just had fun and wouldn't mind hanging out again if you had time."

    A recurring theme in all the time I've followed these threads is that the people here seem to make things a lot more complicated by *****-footing around the things they really want to say.

    Be confident. Be clear. Save yourself from a lot of stupid problems.

    My wife's is also straightforward. She says to say: "I enjoy being your friend; let's hang out some more."
    Last edited by Crow; 2017-12-06 at 10:15 PM.

  17. - Top - End - #527
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    I agree with Crow and with being straightforward. If you want to avoid being tactless, make sure to emphasize more how you like them as a friend than how you don't like them as a potential partner.

  18. - Top - End - #528
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
    Basically, yes. More accurately "I don't speak French", not just that you don't speak much. (The "ne" and "pas" together form the negative.) Though once they hear your accent, I'm pretty sure everyone will know you don't actually speak the language (much).

    For the second one, Google Translate is actually very accurate! I was trying to figure it out from my grade school Canadian French classes (which is somewhat different from Parisian French), and had to turn to it. https://translate.google.ca/#auto/fr...0clothes%20off

    "Je n'essayais pas de retirer les vêtements de votre fille."
    Well it'll certainly be useful, but I've heard that babbling and looking awkward is apparently a universal sign, so it might be fallen back on if I can't remember the words.

    Quote Originally Posted by dehro View Post
    on the plus side, french cheese goes well with most things, blue balls included
    Okay, I'll admit, you'll make me chuckle. Partially because we were arguing over French Onion Soup earlier (I adore it, she hates any food involving liquid), but mostly because I just find it funny. Unfortunately I don't think making the balls smelly as well as blue will endear me to anybody.

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Normally, she should be willing, so there should be no need for the room to be locked :P
    How else am I supposed to keep Wandering Parents out?
    I prefer science fiction to fantasy, and generally play in the former genre. Due to this, I generally expect the laws of physics to apply to games, and work from that perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zelphas View Post
    So here I am, trapped in my laboratory, trying to create a Mechabeast that's powerful enough to take down the howling horde outside my door, but also won't join them once it realizes what I've done...twentieth time's the charm, right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Raziere View Post
    How about a Jovian Uplift stuck in a Case morph? it makes so little sense.

  19. - Top - End - #529
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by lio45 View Post
    Normally, she should be willing, so there should be no need for the room to be locked :P
    The room is locked to avoid others coming in, not to prevent you two from leaving.
    Last edited by AMFV; 2017-12-07 at 12:56 PM.

  20. - Top - End - #530
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    DwarfBarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Hi Playground,
    But of a ramble coming. I've posted on here a few times over the last couple of years about my relationship, and well, ended it yesterday.

    NOTE: I'm on my phone, if someone could tell me how to do spoiler tags, I'll hide most of this.

    Spoiler: Spoilered for length/to avoid clogging up the thread
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    It was sad for both of us. Devastating really. And the same today when she wanted to meet. I know it was my decision, and I know she'll be hurting more, but I feel like there's a huge hole in me now.
    Knowing we're not going to sit and watch Netflix together, or hold hands while we sleep (I get too hot for cuddles) has really hit me.
    I'm trying to remind myself that whilst if I'd asked her to marry me she would have, it wouldn't have worked and been what we both really wanted.
    There were lots of bad stretches every day, but the little bits of good each day made it not just bearable, but nice- but ultimately it was a relationship where the 'now' isn't perfect, but was good, but the future sucked, and after 3 years together, almost all of it living together, the future can't help but loom.
    I loved her, still do, and she really loves me, more than I've loved her and that's made me feel so guilty

    I'm not going back on this, I know it wouldn't help, damage would be done, but it sucks to break someone's heart and just erase a future with someone you really care about.

    I'm going forward with the sessions my new (really first one I've clicked with) therapist in the new year. Part of me wishes I'd found that route sooner, that maybe the problems I saw in our relationship wouldn't have overwhelmed me, that maybe I'd be able to do less, instead of feeling I need to shoulder everything. It wasn't my only reason for the split, but I do genuinely think I wouldn't be able to sort the things I need to sort in myself, whilst also looking after the us, when the us involves so much physical/medical pain, frustration and sadness.


    I don't really know what I'm writing here for, mostly to use words I guess. I'm really not looking at future relationships and won't be for a long time, we kind of fell into this one, a proper 'meet-cute' and i have no idea how the future will work.

    EDITED: Now with spoiler-tags
    Last edited by Stadge; 2017-12-12 at 04:03 AM.
    Punting, champagne and suits. Ah, the joys of being a Squashman and Anglo-Saxophonist.

  21. - Top - End - #531
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stadge View Post
    NOTE: I'm on my phone, if someone could tell me how to do spoiler tags, I'll hide most of this.
    Opening square bracket.

    SPOILER=name of spoiler, type whatever you want here.

    Closing square bracket.

    Text inside the spoiler.

    Opening square bracket.

    /SPOILER

    Closing square bracket.

    For the rest of your post, I'm too ridiculously out of my depth to even try, but I hope this was helpful.

  22. - Top - End - #532
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by AuthorGirl View Post
    Spoiler instructions.

    For the rest of your post, I'm too ridiculously out of my depth to even try, but I hope this was helpful.
    Thank you very much, at the minute any help regarding anything is most appreciated. I've put them in now. Thanks again
    Punting, champagne and suits. Ah, the joys of being a Squashman and Anglo-Saxophonist.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    @Stadge: For what is worth, and from what I remember of your previous posts, I believe you did the right thing. Which sometimes is the hard thing, and can look like the selfish thing, and it sucks and believe me when I say I've been through something very similar.

    It's probably going to get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. Stay on course, go ahead with your life and let the future you worry about the future.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    @Cozzer: Thanks very much for the support, I'm now struggling not to reach out and try and make things 'better' with her, but I know that's not fair.

    I need to untangle a lot of things mental-health wise, and I'm working towards that (though I should have years ago), but I'm now starting to worry that my problems were the only real issues and I'm going to come through this more well-equipped personally, I'll have lost someone very special. Kind of, I've reached the depths where I've finally admitted and followed through with getting help, but also imploded everything else...

    I'm glad that her family were able to get her yesterday, they got delayed by a day and it was awful knowing she was alone and dealing with the mess I caused to our lives.

    Thanks again.
    Punting, champagne and suits. Ah, the joys of being a Squashman and Anglo-Saxophonist.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Kind of, I've reached the depths where I've finally admitted and followed through with getting help, but also imploded everything else
    Sadly, in most cases that's what it takes to get you to the point where you're ready to ask for help. It might seem... cruel, in a way, to say it like this, but you'll be surprised by how easier it will be to find very special things (not just romantically) after you're finished repairing your own foundations.

    I'm now struggling not to reach out and try and make things 'better' with her
    An extremely wise move. An harsh truth I wish I realized earlier is, in these cases you cannot make things better but you can make them worse. I might go as far as suggesting to delete or put away any means to contact her, so that you can't do that on the spur of the moment. Like, give her contact info to a trusted friend who's going to ask "is this really a good idea?" whenever you ask for them.
    Last edited by Cozzer; 2017-12-12 at 05:55 AM.

  26. - Top - End - #536
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Boyfriend's mother hates me.

    Great.

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    The worst thing she's said is that I probably have all of the STDs...
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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Boyfriend's mother hates me.

    Great.

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    The worst thing she's said is that I probably have all of the STDs...
    The good news is that it's normal

    If it's anything like my marriage, he really doesn't care, and everytime she insults you it drives him away from her and closer to you.

    In all honesty though, everytime she insults you, she insults him and his decision making process.

    I'd just shrug it off as best you can and try not to retaliate. Minimize contract if you need too.

    But I've got mommy issues so take my advice with a grain of salt.
    Last edited by Sivarias; 2017-12-12 at 10:45 AM.

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sivarias View Post
    The good news is that it's normal
    I really don't think this level of toxic is normal.
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  29. - Top - End - #539
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Sivarias's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    I really don't think this level of toxic is normal.
    Ah. Sorry to hear that. If that's the case I would check the s second part of my advice.

    Just let your boyfriend know that you don't appreciate the things his mother says about you and while you aren't going to ultimatum him, you are going to minimize contact to the holidays.

    Would it be to difficult to grin and bear it say twice a year? Mother's day and Christmas? I'm assuming you're Finnish so thanksgiving is out and I don't think Easter is a super big deal for y'all.

    What you don't do, it's a me or her ultimatum. Unless he hates his mother already, you'll most likely lose. Even if you don't, you still will because he'll resent it.

    The final consideration is how long have you been together? In long term relationships you marry the family as much as the man. Consider if he's worth it to you.

    Edit: on mobile so please forgive my lack of good English and verbosity.
    Last edited by Sivarias; 2017-12-12 at 11:02 AM.

  30. - Top - End - #540
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    dehro's Avatar

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    Default Re: Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

    Quote Originally Posted by FinnLassie View Post
    Boyfriend's mother hates me.

    Great.

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    The worst thing she's said is that I probably have all of the STDs...
    lick all of her spoons!
    on a more serious note, I echo Sivarias. Tell her precious son about this (though I reckon she didn't say these things to your face so you probably heard them from him)... and let him know it's not appreciated, but also that you won't be holding it against him.
    if at all possible, and if the circumstances allow this to happen, ask the woman exactly why she's holding this grudge and spreading these lies.
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